10 Guys Explain How To Tell If He Just Wants To Hook Up
Are we dating or just fwb
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Are we dating or not quiz
if he says “no relationship” i advise you to end it immediately, before you get even more hurt.• tags: awkward, casual sex, date, dating, emotional intimacy, emotions, eye contact, fall, favorite things, friend, friendship, guys, hook up, hooking up, hookup, humor, hurdles, intimacy, open, perils, reassurance, relationship, relationships, romantic relationship, sex, sexual intimacy, signals, signs, talk, together. now, many month later, we have been hanging out regularly as friends. he has literally had trouble fitting you into his schedule and has admitted that even close family members feel that he doesn’t make time for them. susan:) i am positive he’s not, but just out of curiosity– tsk, tsk, lol– why do you ask? i said i was cool with it but that i did really like him and think that it would be nice if we spent time together getting to know each other but that would happen the longer what we are doing continues as its inevitable, he said he felt bad about what was happening and just wanted to make sure i was ok about it. we write to each other almost everyday in between and he calls me for some lengthy talks. i am a manager and just before the break-up my ex convinced me to hire his friend. susan,here is my situation…………i`ve met a guy on a dating website,he lives in another country but that its not a problem for our casual relationship because he always comes to where i am for business,twice a month. i held it steady, i put up with the pain and emptiness, and then a came along, and now i really get to feel the pain of being on the hook of someone you so thoroughly adore. i was all for it because i didn’t think i would ever like this guy, because he is not the best looking guy in the world but he is cute and he is a little chubby. he was sweet and affectionate, which i totally ate up. serious relationships can and do start with hooking up, if both parties were open to a relationship from the start. would he not want to define the relationship if i meant something more to him than just a companion and someone to kill time with? he says he has trust issues due to being “screwed over” so many times. i asked why and he said because i was really cute and weird and stuff. and when he first saw me since my day of hire he gave me a really weird look. that’s normal and you shouldn’t try to rationalize it away with “well i’m not really in love with him so i’m not going to admit i’m hurting.“how do i tell him i want to go on dates and not just hang out in his room. i guess i just wanted to know but i should have waited., had a girlfriend at the time, but he and i spent many nights together, went out on dates in open public, and i moved out of my home, as my marriage began desolving at the seams prior to a. i don’t know if i shld feel upset or not 🙁. i told him to tell me the truth, even if it hurts, and it took him awhile to respond back, i’m guessing either he put it to the side because i blew it and he didn’t care or because he was trying to figure out what to say. i am currently planning on waiting for her to text me to initiate. my life has been a train wreck for the past 3 years now, but i love a. he apologized for the late response and hopes everything is well with me. i have also learned not needing to slam or berate the 'other' when things are not working out the way it feels right or healthy. it makes zero sense to even consider a move like that unless the two of you are in love and want to make your relationship a top priority. i told him i had feelings for him and might not be able to do this much longer or they’ll turn for the worst. guess is that he is enjoying your company and wanting to spend time with you but might balk if pressed for a commitment. he visited that night and we kissed and i’ve been head over heels every since. he may be shy, he may be wary because he was hurt once, or he may not want to get involved with someone when he knows he is leaving.. if you vocalize “i don’t want a relationship” you think you won’t fall for him. but we continued to sleep together, and i guess i can't blame him because i okayed it. he is consciously or subconsciously trying to draw out your emotional intimacy, or possibly trying to bargain for your intimacy by giving you his first. while this girl and my self went to college together, i do not consider her a friend. since your feelings are changing, it’s a good idea for him to know that too. when we’re alone (and only alone, not in public) he is so affectionate. i’ve known this guy for years through a band that i am friends with that he joined. i should apologise in advance for my english; it’s not my native tongue. that is not (as this rxxxx poster on some other tread on this site) me refusing or denying something against a man, but it is for me…. has just come out of a year and half relationship as well that was heading towards marriage but he cheated on her (not with me) by accident and she broke it off and it left him incredibly wounded. admire your strength – you know this is not a good situation for you. he will again state that he is not ready for commitment. he’s gone out of his way to make clear that he doesn’t want anything more. not only that he said he’s done with the other girl but i don’t know i guess i’m confused there is a lot i really can’t put on here too long of a story but any help would be great or advice. hung out a couple more times and then, about two weeks ago he came into a room i was in with his friends studying. i met this guy over a year ago through another guy i was dating at the time. however, if you see the signs that it has nowhere else to go, it is high time you decide whether or not to push through with it or not. you kindly for taking the time to reply – and spot on! he has told me of that’s all he wanted he wouldn’t have stuck around for awhole year. i asked him what he was crying for and he said it was just really good to see me. he makes allusions to us being together (well, hanging out) in the future, but still it’s unclear. he took me out to dinner for the first time. apologies, i just found your comment here – sometimes they slip through the cracks. giving him an opportunity to feel comfortable and ready for another relationship. he introduced me to his best friend and the three of us hungout for a bit. i'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that it might be a little harder to find. we ended up hooking up the night before i left for europe (july 2011). however, our relationship now seems to be more centered around being ‘friends’ as opposed to simply the benefits (in contrast to most fwb’s where ‘friends’ is more of an obligation). we are both in grad school and life is very hectic)and you’re right. he is just playing you to get sex, and probably doing the same, or trying to, with other girls. things have not been going too well, but i’ll not give up. after he left he limited conversation and to 2 times a week and he never start texting me and if i do he will answer with long delay or call me the day after that. you've never not had sex with said guy and you've hung out together more than a dozen times, either you are a sexually electric couple, or the foundation of this relationship is sex -- which is code for a hookup relationship, not a boyfriend/girlfriend one. i feel ashamed because on the second day we wnt to his house and things got a little heated up and i don’t normally do things like these, i don’t know what is happening to me. his behavior has been unpredictable – and maybe he feels that you are hard to read too.. there is a bit of flirting, as if they want to do more, but it feels a little awkward in public. i was wondering if there’s anything i need to be concerned about in my current situation or just enjoy things as they are. later that i asked my friend what was said and he told me that he changed the subject just the way he did when he talked about me before. i don’t know how much hurt i can keep taking from him in hopes that we’ll be something more in the future. he admitted he was a little tipsy, but not much and said that he liked that i was sober (we used to hook up sober and drunk). susani was in an relationship which was not working i meet another guy online talked for about a week or two before meet seem to get along ok was alot of physical chemistry between us and could make me lauth seemed nice meet a few times ended up having sex with him he know i had boyfriend explained situation to him that we was pretty much over for years and that we was like friends and that i was going to end it though meet up about 5 times before i managed to end with bf seemed still to get along ok but most times we meet up ended up having sex would go for odd walks,watch tv, kiss after sex etc talk abit seemed to be going ok still was asking if i dumped my bf yet and when said no i want to but it very hard to said i was a big chickens though i had ask him to meet up most of times and only talked to him on msn and if i would txt him he mostly txted me back.” i tried yo get a sense of what he meant, hoping he wasn’t he wasn’t just bring really forward. does he invite you to things, or does he schedule activities mostly around just the two of you doing something and then hooking up (like dinner and a sleepover)? but after that night i told him, he seemed even more into me. and apparently he 'endured' lots of friendly male banter once the others realized he had a fancy for me…. i’ve been being chased by this guy i know, for a couple years now, and although, at first, i liked him, after a few months, decided that he was not for me, and short of telling him bluntly, “give it up, i’m not interested”, i’ve dropped every subtle– and obvious– hint that i can think of. i would put it on hold and risk this opportunity if it was more clear this is heading towards something more. although i was very confused, i was waiting so long for him to ask me that. and he asked to keep it low key because publicity always brings more problems. i really like him a lot, just he seems close to perfect in my opinion. have been emotional in the past and he has given me nothing , and it feels like the tables have turned, i ignore him when he gets emotional it ends up being that awkward silence till his forced to change the subject, i know it’s immature and mean but i feel like if i ignore it it’s not there. however everyone close to them claims they are just friends. and when we got back to my place he continued telling me how much he likes me nd how happy i make him and that he was going to invite me to his house upstate for the weekend if i didn’t already go out with my girlfriends. i’m still a little confused by it all and unsure about it but we’ll see what the future holds.. regularly text or call the other to get updates on what you two are doing and the likes. i really don’t know if he feels anything for me. this one night we hooked up, then we went out the next day, and the day after that but it’s not like he asks me out. if you want to be dating “out in the world” and not in his room, what you can do is lead that kind of life regardless of whether he comes along – plays, music events, art shows, pep rallies, sports, mixers, you get the idea. sense his return (almost 3 weeks now) we have only seen eachother once. we both have very busy work schedules and kids etc so find it hard to make time to meet up so when we do we just want to rip each others clothes off. we then hung out the next day, but i ended up going to his place and meeting his roomates and we stayed up all night talking. and i’ve even have a very close, well-trusted and well-seasoned guy friend tell me that a man will not pursue a woman for more than a few short months if he is not genuinely interested. i am not used to a fwb where there is equal emphasis on the ‘friends’ component as well as the ‘benefits’ component. we meet on colleagues’ birthdays and similar occassions and sometimes we go for drinks after work with some friends. i was and still am ok with that for now, but he acts like he is falling for me. we emailed back and forth just once every while, while he was traveling just to see how he was doing and then all of a sudden i didn’t hear from him anymore. i would say that if you can hang in there for a while and see where this goes it might be worth a shot. i could go on and on with a list of caring, thoughtful things he does but these are just a couple examples that to me show that he cares for me very much. i wouldn’t be surprised if he checked in on thursday or friday. we had been writing back and forth for about 7 months. we ended up having sex in front of the fire.( we are neighbors btw) so i normally see this guy almost every other day and not on the weekends. before we hooked up, i asked him what his plans were then because he graduated that semester and he told me he was going to leave the country to teach english. i moved back having left my husband and he was there for me as a friend. i think you can simply say that you are feeling very confused about the events of the last two weeks. and he hides his feelings well, so instead of just waiting to talk to him in person i spoke before i thought and sent him an email telling him that i just didn’t want to just hook up everytime i saw him, i wanted to know what was on his mind. answer this love quiz to know where you stand in his life, how to act towards the relationship or if there is any relationship at all. as soon as i avoided him for a while he came running back in my face. he’s also invited me to places and offer to pay for me. one of the guys in particular kept looking at me and smiling and when i went to the bathroom he said something to me but i didn’t hear him or respond due to the fact that there was a female with them. is he feeling guilty or am i stupid to think that he still has any feelings for me? i messaged him and called him once and he didn’t answer, so i just went out without him. i don't know if i should feel like shit because he turned to me as soon as he started having sex again, or flattered..how do i tell if he wants to stop dating me? something happens where we didn’t hook up as much hug each other and all that. i called him when i got to the location, but he said he was really sorry and completely forgot about our date because he was busy with projects for classes. you could actually do that now, or at any time, but i can understand why you might want to give him some time without pressuring him. hard to say whether it’s too late with this girl or not. i don’t want to just hook up with him and repeat the past, with me feeling broken hearted, confused, and our friendship becoming awkward? i’ve been told that he does but he is ‘afraid of commitment’ or something, i understand he was traveling before and have always been understanding of that and that could be a reason why he was the way he was, and i’ve heard that if a guy isn’t financially/emotionally ready, he’ll push any girl away, even if he really cares, and who knows maybe he’ll come back when he’s ready. day of the date came and he canceled on me 🙁 he said his coach said they had to do something as a team that night, but said that “we should do it in the week sometime next week”so that would be this week,,, and he has yet to mention it again. he will treat you as well as you demand that he treats you..Do you think i should ask him why he is not making move or if he just sees me as a friend?, keeps rushing into my life as soon as he feels that i am settling back into my world with my husband. used to text me maybe once a day… we wouldn’t text all day either it was just about classes or about something relevant at the moment (no “hey”. maybe it was his charger left home… a crazy week, i don’t know, but even the tone of his texts is more formal, yet interested. the upside: you don't have to reciprocate, which means more cash in your shoe budget. the problem is that i have fallen for him badly and i really dont know what to do or where i stand. just text me “i can’t wait to hold you”……. things moved too quickly and even though we both enjoyed eachother, it burned out just as fast as it started.. but that didnt last long before me and guy a was back together again. you’re already in deep, so you owe it to yourself to clarify this asap. as cliche as it sounds im scared shitless to be hurt again, and to seriously fall for someone. and it looks like he isn’t keeping up anymore with his online journal and almost like he’s disappeared. you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the my feed . and again, it was very good sex for us both. if you are ok with just being friends, and you don’t want to risk that, you can continue to wait or just figure he’s never going to make a move.. he told me that he’s not ready for a r/s and he doesn’t want to meet me up to talk about it because he claimed there is nothing to talk about. now, to be fair, over time, i have realized that i have sent him some unconscious signals that have apparently led him to believe that i am interested– that’s my fault, because even though i know he’s not right for me, i am still physically attracted to him; but like i said, i have been ignoring him for quite some time now, and he will not give up. well it turns out that the guy is good friends with a member of my family and they were talking about me one day. “well i’d say that went pretty good haha” is what he said. those are the signals that point me in the “more-than-friends thinking” direction. we even slept in the same bed and his mom asked if he wanted the couch, he told her no he wanted to sleep in the bed with me. it was hurtful they way he did that because by then i already had these feelings for him. one day out of the blue he just literally stopped talking to me! i went over there the next week, and we ended up sleeping together., the fact that his profile is off the dating site bodes well for me. months ago i was told by a man who also works there and who has been friendly, kind and very helpful to me whenever i had asked for help, that he actually has been very attracted to me ever since he met me. don’t expect contact until two days before you’re supposed to go on the date (that would be friday obviously). i don’t want to be another one of his girls that he can just add on to the list. at times he is so sweet to me,holding my hand,kissing me,holding me,making me laugh! i’m looking for something fun and light which could potentially turn into an ltr and eventually marriage. i told him and he told me to move on without him being more than just a friend. he said that when he finds out if a sex buddy is falling for him that he cuts the sex off and concentrates on being friends. but the big problem and why i am now more confused is because he said he does not have time for a proper relationship (neither do i thats fine) that it would not be fair as he cannot commit the time to me or anyone else at the moment. am a 28 year old singlr mom of 3 and for the past month and a half i have been hooking up with a 22 year old man. we were pretty intimate after a few dates (holding hands, spooning while watching movies, pecking). surely making life plans around one another would signify an intent to marry – that you are “the one” and it sounds like after such a short time, he is in no way ready to say that.(not problems related to him) he jokes that i am just using him for sex. he got very upset bc he found out i had slept with this guy while talking to him, before i ended it. about a month later (april 2011) he told me we should stop hooking up because he was talking to a girl, mary, that he had stopped talking to in the fall for me and didn’t think it was fair..go to dinners (he always paid for me) going out for ice cream renting movies going to see movies going out together on the weekends whether it was w/ my friends or his…things were perfect with us. just a couple days ago our “relationship” became more sexual … i am wondering if this is a sign that i could mean more to him, since i said before i didn’t want a sexual relationship unless it meant more to him.. go out with friends and enjoy stuffs you do like catching a movie or having bowling night. he holds me and sleeps next to me when we have sex he wants me to get off at least 2-3 times before he even wants to have sex as in oral sex and then spends more time focused on me again not complaining just curious as to what it could mean. we’re hanging out, i’m “bonding” with your kid.. i mean i like him, but sometimes i feel like he sends such mixed signals and i feel strung along, waiting for him to do something. its just such a scary thought but i know i deserve an answer. i didnt ask for his number b/c i was nervous the next day when i left but i stayed over there until late the next afternoon and he drove me 30 minutes home to my house made comments the whole way that he hopes there was traffic so he could spent more time w/ me ect. clinginess is never appealing to guys, so learning to be more independent will serve you well in the future. these are just some of the things that confuse me since we are only fwb. i went out of town on sunday, otherwise i think he probably would have tried to see me again. when he’s being super intimate, comment that he’s acting like a lot more than a fuckbuddy and see what he says. we both put our kids first, i’ve blown him out on a few nights cos of kids, other plans etc and we have just worked round it so what now. one night we just cuddled and i thought maybe this is going somewhere. so i say i’m housesitting and could use some company, and he says he’d love to and maybe keep me company all weekend. men and women both hope for it and are both wrong. this guy doesn’t talk to me all day long like we used to and i just feel like he doesn’t go out of his way for me ever. in other words i haven’t met a guy that really piqued my interest until……before new year of 2012 where i was introduced by my close friends to this amazing (and hot) guy (he’s 34, a bit of an alpha i think but has been known to be in ltrs) during a party in a bar.” we tried out for a short while but i was still not very convinced. he would take me to movie, go out to play pool with me, introduce me to his dad when i came over, be willing to cook for me (because i cooked for him and i guess he wanted to return the favor), and ask me to stay the night with him. you give hints that say no, but something about your manner or body language says yes! language, and many so called 'dating rituals' here are to me most peculiar, to say it kindly. i don’t see the point of him bringing all this up, we will never work so i’d rather not know. to connect with your teen, whether you want to or not. i have learned to sometimes just let things sort themselves out: i. i just let it go and finally he emailed me to see how i was doing and noticed some changes i’ve made (just school direction and such) and was writing to me like nothing bad happened in the past. he’ll always text me and see what i’m doing and seems interested in my life stories. he was always concerned about my feelings- even more than i was, so he was very aplogetic and seemed to want to be honest because guilt ruined him. my previous relationships have been heavy cohabitating type situations or long distance; i’ve never really “dated” anyone so i have no idea what is normal, or expected, or what to do. if you add sex to your strong feelings, it will be much, much harder if things don’t work out. he was a complete sweetheart and as he was going he talked about some stuff we could do together and i asked if that lune always worked for him, and he laughed, said he was serious but wasn’t looking fir “a girlfriend or wife or anything). even though he was willing to go places with me and said that he would always keep his promises, i felt that all the things he said were to get into my pants. isn’t it supposed to be a process or am i just fooling myself into believing something might still happen with this guy? we haven’t talked about “us” since last year but things seem to have changed…and yet they’re the same. met this guy 6 months ago, he and i constantly kept in touch every single day when i left the country and he told me towards the end how much he liked me, and ultimately one night texted me while drunk saying he was in love with me (we used to talk for hours every single day). from what i learned recently, hes 31 and has only been in one 5 month relationship, the rest were all flings and “friends with benefits.’ve been hanging out with this guy for about a month now. we were laying cuddling and guess what he started the talk……. not seeing him for a half a year, we coincidently ran into eachother. susan,its me again…so i wasn’t able to hold out long and i confronted the man and we had a small talk about “us. friday again he came back to my friends place with me and once again we were all cuddly and holding hands, kissed me on my forehead. i know you’re probably going to tell me to just talk to him about it or ask him what the deal is but i don’t want him to think “oh god… look what i got myself into. if he isn’t suffering the same way, he’s likely to just maintain the status quo. he has had two sincerely horrible relationships, and although the last one ended a year before, he kept having a really toxic friends/friends with benefits with his last girl until he left just a couple months ago. we both have similar heart breaks and still fall for the ones we loved. i do get to every question from readers, but i receive many emails and requests for advice – it can take me a while to dig out. of my friends suggested to just ask him to kiss me! you can go with platonic friendship for now, stop kissing and encouraging him in any way. spend every weekend together (either he stays over or i do) and we say that we like the other person a lot, have mutually good sex (we’re both very physical), have met each other’s family, and he’s met my friends and made an effort to impress them.!i just wondered if maybe i could get a little insight on my current situation. true couples, however, enjoy making plans; they buy tickets for a concert a month out and make reservations for a restaurant days before the date. then for the rest of the week he acted distant, not answering calls or texts, not wanting me to come over. i know mean, but he wouldn’t stop and i was tired and had an appointment int he morning. just feel as if things changed since we had sex. on some of these occassions, after having drinks, we’ve gone just the 2 of us to a different place (a coffee store, a restaurant, a bar, etc. i responded just saying that i saw it and i enjoyed reading it and glad he was doing well. im really sorry for the mixed messages, and i dont want to hurt you. why not just mention that things have felt really different recently and you wonder what it means? real problem with fwb is that no matter what rational boundaries are set, the hindbrain does what it wants, and odds are somebody’s going to want more. do like him, but if there are not some other flavours coming through from him whenever he gets back to town, i will just keep liking him from a distance, and keeping it friendly, as you said! now with all of that being said we have seen eachother almost every day since thenand every time were together he is constantly telling me how much he likes me and how good i make him feel and how great i treat him and that he’s not used to it etc… he’s more than affectionate with me and when he looks into my eyes i would swear that he is falling very hard for me. why should she bond with you when you are a booty call and he is dating other women?
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Are we a couple or just dating
he seemed then, and every other time we hung out, was that he truly wanted to get to know me. we both were involved in some traveling afterward, and spent a month apart while continuing close contact through ld calls, emails, skype, you name it.: can you not lol i dont feel comfortable discussing this with my fwb.: are you in love, or is it just a crush? but he stayed with me every night for a week and we hooked up a couple times but not every night. the next day he went back home and now things have gone completely way out of hand,he is sending me videos,romantic love songs,calling me 3 times in a day,even more wanting to know where i am or my plans for a day and he is trying so bad to know more about my family but in a cleaver way and everytime i changed the subject he finds a way to sink me in into it again. if you like him, though, and you want more than friendship, i think you are going to need to give him a nudge. have come out of a very serious relationship 6 months ago, i was engaged at age 18 and he broke my heart when he went to university and told me that he wanted to do the “uni thing” and sleep with other girls and he could not be committed to me for the next 60 years of our lives. comments really put me at ease and i feel more confident on what i need to do. assuming you’re young, say between 18 and 22, i would say it’s highly unlikely you’re going to flip a player for any period of time.@swindled,if you mind me saying something – you know, technically he didn’t “stick around for a year” bc you guys technically didnt meet up or do anything solid, it was just back and forth texting — however the fact that youve hung out all summer and the fall before hooking up in november(was it? and for a few weeks we avoided eye contact when it unspokenly stopped.. we are now a part once again in different countries but he still texts me every day and calls me at least twice or thrice a week and we have phone sex, and once when he called me drunk he told me he doesnt want to have sex with any one but me and how much he misses me… but after that he kinda backed off and the past couple of days after he said that while drunk i think he got embarrassed bcos he’s just been texting me with no intimate talk like before. we had a few talks, always initiated by me, regarding “us. however, if you are really starting to fall for him, get out now. (of course he asked for my number so we could keep in contact about classes and such)i went to a party he was at and we danced together and he surprised me by telling me he wanted to kiss me ( we did ), then we all went back to the dorm together and hung out, just talking for hours. however this exchange program will end in an year and he and i will go our separate ways to half way across the world. wonder if you ever wanted no strings attached, that saying that was just a negotiating technique or a defense mechanism to keep yourself for getting too attached too early. nope, he’s just enjoying your company without getting emotionally involved. but we spent almost everyday in the 4mths tgt under my hse void deck. i moved away again and we kept in touch and hed ask me advice on a girl he liked and they eventually got together. however i don’t want him to think i’m dating either. since then, we have hung out a couple times (during the weekends because we both have careers) and i can’t figure out his motives. he said he thinks about me all the time, rest of the week he has texted, called etc and hopefully we will meet up again friday night. found out about his activity on match not through snooping or invading his privacy, but because you received an email that took you by surprise. im pretty shy (and have also not dated much or had a bf before, but am a sophomore in college) so i found this to be a relief. hang out and watch movies together, as well he cuddles with me and holds my hand, i do not want to read too much into it, so could you shed some light on this? and if you do hear the worst, then cut him off 100%. but there is a huge kicker—both of us play way too many games with each other…we both continuously say to each other we are just friends just friends just friends. i dont know what to do… should i just be patient and wait for him to contact me? here is the kicker…he made it clear he is emotionally unavailable for a relationship right now. however, the bottom line was ” i don’t have time for a relationship. he’s even looking for some extra jobs now (i hope i didn’t get him all bankrupt) and wants to take me to a place i promised my granddad i’ll visit (far far, expensive expensive)… he wants to get a bigger flat as well for some reason. also, he has cooked for me several times whenever i come over. after three months, he is not ready for a relationship, i would end it. well, every time i would tell him i’m talking to a guy he would say ” don’t date him” or always say something like oh he’s too old. instead of praying my tomato plants to grow, i go to the store and buy some tomatoes. i don’t know what to think, or how to act., well i have been talking to this guy for over a month, and we have hooked up twice. he does say that this is just for now, that in the future, maybe even a week or in a month, he may change his mind. we had unexpected chemistry and i felt really into him. a part of me feels like he genuinely wants this to work, but something else makes me feel like he might not be as interested as i am. we share the same political and (non-)religious beliefs and we both love movies and books and have similar backgrounds, etc.,he told me that he cant seeing anyone else so i shouldnt either because he doesnt want to have std`s which was a lame excuse,i mean come on,there are condoms,so its obviously am seeing this like a relationship or am being paranoid with everything? i was going to the gay club with my friend and i asked him to come hang out with me; he did although he was very afraid at first so i gave him some credits for that. she is also the author of menu dating: taste your way to the mai. from the next day onwards we both had an unspoken agreement to forget that discussion and we have continued to this day (two months later) being friends-with-benefits. he saw me from a ways away, got off his bike and came up to me and hugged me, sweetly talking to me, we talked for a while, and before we parted ways he gave me a really good hug and a kiss on the forehead. after that, we still texted often; maybe i was paranoid but i got mad if he didn’t not text me everyday. i assured him he had done nothing wrong and that i liked him and he said he knew and he was sorry (! however, if we were at the same place, there is a chance of “something more developing” (whatever that might be). i don’t want him to one day just move on to someone else. since my first relationship went horribly wrong due to rushing, i am more than okay with taking my time. i’ve been at my job for about a year and a half now… when i first started housekeeping at a hotel (which was march of 2009) there was a front desk gentleman who i found very, very attractive. relationships that start out with a cheating incident often don’t last, for obvious reasons. a guy who is reluctant to be someone’s boyfriend is not right for you. when he woke up the next morning we lay cuddling for hours just talking about random stuff- music, family etc. he’s handsome and sweet and kind and respectful of me. nothing in your story indicates he is interested in a love relationship, nor is he willing to make a relationship with a woman a priority in his life right now. we women tend to attach great importance to affectionate gestures and spending time together as indicative of emotional investment because that’s the way we operate. we are both in our 30s, and i am falling for him more and more and i believe he is the one for me but i dont see any move from his side.”it’s so hard for young people today to ask these questions. when we are together he tells me that he is going to take me on trips away and says he likes me, and talks all about his family and gets excited about me meeting them etc.” waiting for him to come to you is not a good strategy, because you are already feeling confused and conflicted. he took me to a movie, and ever since march we’ve been talking nearly every single day. it’s only been 2 weeks of texting and talking on the phone and 2 hook ups, then yesterday he called asking if it was okay that we put off the sex for now, so we wouldn’t get sick of it and so that he could put more respect into it and just hang out. his not being able to enter you, it can take a while for a woman to become aroused enough to make penetration easy.. and then we hung out for a the rest of the night and i slept over with him (no sex, but we hooked up) (i had gotten locked out of my dorm and he said i could sleep with him). more has happened and guess what i am still confused. if he does, then you can move forward and stop worrying. he texts me and we talk for hours about his job and his life we talk about my figure skating ( i figure skate) and all kinds of things it will get sexual for a few texts then we are back to talking about each others lives. he wanted to sleep with me, but it was the wrong time of the month, but he said he was okay with just kissing and cuddling. maybe he feels some affection, but i doubt anything more–at least i doubt it based on anything you’ve said. i was straight forward with on letting him know my feelings. really liked him but i heard all this rules about waiting 3 days for him to call. even in front of his friends hell show affection by holding me or even kissing me and then other days he won’t do anything. otherwise you’re just stumbling around in the dark, and that almost never ends well. i don’t know if he ejaculated or if he just wants to take things slow. susan and everyone,i have been reading this page for a while to help myself and finally decided to write. the fact you’re turned upside about this tells me you very much do want a romance with this guy, you can call that “rushing into something” or whatever but you don’t have to rationalize that you don’t want to “rush.“is it worth sticking around and seeing where things go or are they not ever going to go anywhere? so i told him to call me or text me anything he wanted if he needed someone to talk to. recently he has been using the word “love” very often, ie. then a few nights later we were all supposed to go out.,maybe if you hook up with him for another ten years he’ll think about making you his girlfriend. if he has feelings for you and fights them, he’s not emotionally available. really odd cos as i am typing this i am starting to think how weird it all is and that maybe i should just run a mile…………. is going to school to become a doctor and is very driven. you might have guessed, i am beyond early college years, (we both are in our mid-40's) – but as far as catching onto to american mannerism between men/women, i am a bloody virgin..How do i tell him i want to go on dates and not just hang out in his room. this was before i told him it was out of the country and not any guy around here) and even during the hook up he brought the guy up and he wanted to make sure that i didn’t have him in mind and that i didn’t think any guy was better for me than he was. i’m just sick of him going from fwb to friend to confusing.@badgerin this case i have to follow my head and not my heart, i don’t speak to him or see him as much as i used, probably once every 2-4 weeks there has been times where i haven’t spoken to him for months and ever since i’ve distanced myself he has started to open up, when i do see him he keeps me there won’t let me leave sometimes i’m there for a couple of days. we flirted over the span of the next few minutes, during which i managed to snag his number and plan a date with him (for next wednesday, november 16). i had asked him why doesn’t he put a dating ad on for the cities he travels in, and he says he doesn’t go to them often enough to want to have a gf there…. however here is the problem we hookup 3-4 times a week and each time it is hours on end like 12 bc thats when he gets off work until like 4 p. after not talking for a while, he randomly contacted me and said he was getting back with his ex and he wanted to be friends. basically me and my fab met in grad school when he sent me his number via facebook after we grabbed drinks as a group after orientation. we emailed back and forth just once every while, while he was traveling just to see how he was doing and then all of a sudden i didn’t hear from him anymore. and he started calling me baby and sweetie again in the past few days some thing which he stopped before until i tried to end it. i’m just not sure if i’m supposed to play it cool, or let him know i’m interested in getting to know him – more than the hu. so either he feels that way, which would be okay i’d guess cuz it sounds like you feel the same, or else he’s trying to tell you he loves you but is using the word heaps to protect himself. i don’t consider myself the normal everyday kind of girl and i have always found it hard to find someone who really understands me. enjoying your comments/articles susana – thank you for sharing them! if he is looking to date casually and not let it get any more serious, then he’s happy as can be with the status quo. i thought he just wanted to have sex but he didn’t even try, he really just wanted to cuddle..Lisa, i can only go on the information you’re giving me, but it sounds like his changing his mind about commitment is unlikely. i’ve been told that he does but he is ‘afraid of commitment’ or something, i understand he was traveling before and have always been understanding of that and that could be a reason why he was the way he was, and i’ve heard that if a guy isn’t financially/emotionally ready, he’ll push any girl away, even if he really cares, and who knows maybe he’ll come back when he’s ready. why would he ask you to move after hanging out and hooking up for a week? our second date was almost canceled due to him not feeling well. (we did not do anything sexual until 3 weeks into dating and it was like the 7th date. because i want to be his girlfriend, but he said he needed time to make the decision himself without me forcing him into it. and the other day he made a comment about his friends and refer to me as his girlfriend (this was the first time he use the word “girlfriend”)so what do you think?, there are a couple of things here that worry me. i know he has dated girls but from what i understand, they were all long distance relationships. what other women are willing to do, to condone or participate in can not be my guiding line in such a deeply personal and private matter. think an important point to make is that when it comes to the sex it’s all down to me. your doing things you’ve never done for other people. from the night before and breakfast without my knowing or prodding! it sounds like he is definitely more than fwb, but he also sounds like he is slow to commit. if you have to cry for a while, do it, alone or with friends. we go out and hold hands, he pays for me, etc etc. he said our friendship is more important than anything so if i can’t have a physical relationship with him and be friends than we could just be friends alone. was away in europe for a couple months and he contacted me once, but i was super distant and he didn’t contact me again. because if that’s the case then everything he’s doing right now means nothing… i just don’t understand how he can say he does not want a relationship any time soon but act as though were already in one? just because a man enjoys affection in the moment, doesn’t mean he’s ready to sign a lease. he was not paying for her ticket and it was not a date. we talked for awhile, and then over the course of the next few weeks starting hanging out more and more.. but then the next day he told me that he didn’t want to continue with this because he might get back with his ex over the weekend. i guess my question really is, just because he’s not ready for any sort of commitment now does that mean he won’t be in time? the guy who's in it for the nookie cares less about your feelings and more about his potentially missed texts, calls, fb messages and bbms. he has been given medicine for bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety, but no longer takes anything. there are many guys out there – don’t settle for someone who doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t treat you respectfully. almost every guy i know or have ever known will do this. personally, i think the next move or phone call should be his.… what if a hook up becomes very regular, displays quite a bit of affection in public (around people we had discussed should not be aware of said “hooking up”), allows you to be alone in his house while hes at an appointment, buys you coffee, makes you breakfast, provides you with a new toothbrush and insists you spend a majority of the day with him while going out of his way to be affectionate? neither of you are defective, you just want slightly different things. i couldnt, and i was so scarred, and i told my guy – we had a online chat – he told me i should have taken him off life support. he gets drunk and tells me that he can’t be with me and then apologises the next morning profusely begging that he hopes he hasn’t ruined his chances with me. i don’t know his reasons because i of course can’t read his mind, but if i’m not mistaken he drove all the way down just to see me because in that weekend he only saw the friend he drove down with, the friend who let him stay at his place, me, and his brother. the girls he flirts with he tells me that they are just his friends or are his friends girlfriends. if he doesn’t but seems apologetic or remorseful, give him a later day that works. whether you want to continue being sexual is up to you, but you can definitely take a step back in terms of the frequency of contact, and you might gently explain to him that personal questions about your feelings for your ex, etc. all of our hanging out has a solid intent behind it – either studying, or cuddling, or sex. i also don’t want to be the one to ask, because there have been a couple times we discussed it (briefly) via text messaging, and he indicated that he “definitely likes sex with me, but also really enjoys hanging out with me. an acquaintance from 3 years ago messaged me on facebook asking how i am, how’s my boy, to which i replied, we broke up and then he joked, so that means i can take you out right?, i don’t need advice or anything but i just would like to say that i read a lot of these comments and this article is really good. but something happened this past weekend he spoke to one of his friends ” therapy talk” about i guess this one girl and me. he made it clear that he still was just not ready. he would get upset every time my phone went off, and kept asking me questions about how i feel about my ex, trying to make sure that we were definitely over. we broke things off, he remained very friendly and i was also. started to hook up 1-2 times a week for a month and a half now, without sex though. i have asked him before if he has done this with any of his other sex buddies and he says that he has, but yet when we went over to his friends house they said it was nice to see him with a girl for a change.) we make small talk on facebook when we’re both online; somestimes i start it, sometimes he does. when he woke up i asked him what we are. the guy i’m seeing says if i had more freedom he would love to date me but it’s hard because of this and i agree. the things that got me worried were that we talked a lot about sex (he said that it showed attraction); and we did not hang out as much recently ( he said that because he always had to close in the weekend at 10:30 and when we did, there was not much to do), and that he wasn’t attentive enough since sometimes he didn’t text me for 2 days ( and he said that he was too busy with everything going on. he’s started to add more kissing, he’s now clasping hands, and being snuggly with me. who has known us since the beginning says there’s no way he doesn’t have feelings and that it’s obviously not about the sex if he rarely makes a move even though we see each other a few times a week. he again started on about what we were doing, if everything was ok etc. until he knows where he wants this to go, i think that is very, very risky for you. i don’t know, i’d probably go for the kiss, but i’m impulsive that way., i’ll say again – it is way too early for you to be feeling anxious. here’s the thing: if he just wanted a one-night stand, then he isn’t looking for a girlfriend and isn’t a good match for you right now. we talked once a couple days after that, a basic “hi, how are you” talk and after that i didn’t see him at all for about a week during which time i decided i was probably just a failed one night stand for him, but this past week hes said hi to me a couple times, the first time i ignored him, then felt bad and the second i just said hi back, and i think he wants to talk to me. that would be more ok if i were more confident about things, but again i feel unsure. a recent study revealed men place women into marry-or-don’t-marry boxes – ladders, if you will – extremely quickly. i didn’t offer because i wanted him for myself by any means no. we don’t usually do back-to-back get togethers so it threw me for a loop but sure. the worst part is he basically ignores me in class and is so hot and cold. he continually came to my side and engage in the conversation i was having (or just stood there by me) or he offered to get me a drink (even though he knows i don’t drink); he even walked me to get a taxi (even though nothing happened there – he seemed to be somewhat scared). would advise you to take a deep breath, there’s a good chance he’s going through all the same anxieties, wondering if he came on too strong with cuddling-style behavior, etc. he comes over every other night or so, and he even spends the night. and of course now that we are sleeping together i’m getting all “girlie” lol please help me sort this out. now i knw he dsnt hav a qwerty keyboard and i knw i dnt annoy him cuz im chill but i like him. the past year 2009/2010 school year there was this guy me and him got together in october, dating and cuddling and sex. i don’t know if he said the truth or if he is just pulling away. i was shocked (he really is a sweet guy, i wouldnt describe him as manipulative at all) and i gently told him that i wasnt interested in a relationship with him, just an optimal friends with benefits, and that perhaps it might be a good idea to space out our hookups/not text each other 24/7 and limit our affectionate tendencies in order for this to be more fwb-like. i responded just saying that i saw it and i enjoyed reading it and glad he was doing well. i have been in a 3 year relationship that was amazing, but then i came for an exchange program in a different country. we are still talking basically every day, even when im not in town for the weekend we talk on the phone at least once or twice and text also, we are hanging out during the week we went to happy hour one week with his friends and just him and i got food after, i brought him cupcakes for his birthday the other week and just the two of us hungout, on the weekends we will meet up to get food after going out (or sometimes we will go out together it just depends) and then i usually end up staying there and we have started having sex again. susan, i know you’re not a psychic or anything but basically i really need an opinion, severely! there is no one else and he does not want anyone else we are exclusive and i said if i met another guy (relationship type) i would stop what we have together, this is when he started to get wierd and was like “no you don’t have to do that we can still see each other, i’d be fine about it”. at what point do you stop giving the guy more chances? we chatted some more, then he said he had to leave and would text me. it sounds like he has never fallen for anyone before, or allowed himself to become attached. making out was great but the sex was a flop from my perspective (i was clearly more experienced). all of our texts had a purpose usually) but there would be some flirty moments of courseso this time i initiated the date- asking and we planned the place and everything together.. he finds out about midway trough last semester i have been hanging out with our mutual guy friends roommate and asks me 4 times in the following weeks if i’m dating the guy after we hadn’t hooked up for a while. we’ve always been very flirty but i was married and he had a girlfriend who he ended up having a child with. then another night at the bar we danced and ended up making out on the dance floor, he took me back to his dorm and we just made out for awhile, talked and watched a movie and then he walked me home later that night. i’m sure he is eager to get some sexual experience, but you are correct to be suspicious of his motives. i facebook messaged him saying sorry and thank you for what he has done for me. he was very sad in his tone when we were talking on the phone. we also have the most amazing sex i’ve ever had in my life…. i don’t know…i wish dating was easier than this. i apologize for the delay – the oldest one goes back several weeks. that wednesday he asked me to sit with him at this all faith mass at my school, but he had to rush off right after bc he had a meeting (he is really busy, has two jobs) he didnt text me till friday at 7:00 asking “what r u doing tonight? do you think he just not ready yet to introduce me to his friends or family or that he is just not thinking about it… im confuse cause i don’t know the rules of dating… i don’t know when do you become the girlfriend or if guys even ask this days… help! we were on and off the past year i know on one of our off times i had another guy(b) im pretty sure he(a) was jelous of this one(b). there’s something unfortunate (and perhaps unfair) that the person who feels more gets blamed. he has hooked up with a few girls before he met me here. new year's eve rolls around and we spend it together, he kisses me at midnight, then tells me his resolution is to be celibate for awhile, but he invites me to stay the night (which i declined due to work in the morning). i texted him that night telling him a long list of how i feel about this, how i felt he’s not putting as much effort and stuff. and i feel like i know the answer, but he has mentioned hanging out in the daytime three times, although not concretely, and his actions and words didn’t seem like someone not interested in more than sex (eg holding hands and eye contact during). i realized that day that i’ve never met anyone just so similar to me. he said that he meant nothing by the texts, and he was just trying to assess whether i was into him based on my replies, and was doing this to avoid hurting me. if you don’t hear from him by saturday at noon, text him (“hey how are you doing” not “are we going out tomorrow? so, lets hope it’s for that and not for my flight tickets….’ve been trying to let this go and i found your website and decided to just get it out one time in hopes of finally having some clarity! and he hides his feelings well, so instead of just waiting to talk to him in person i spoke before i thought and sent him an email telling him that i just didn’t want to just hook up everytime i saw him, i wanted to know what was on his mind. couldn’t explain it but just something about him somehow got me attracted to him. making out with somebody you’ve gone on a couple of dates with and/or hung out with just the two of you is not abnormal or slutty behavior.,After we had sex i told him that he should consider himself “lucky” b/c i’m very picky with who i choose to hook up with.” i could feel the tension rising and his nervousness so i put my hand on his chest, stroked his forehead and told him not to worry about it, that he didn’t have to think about it at that exact moment and just to relax. i just gotta have the balls to straight out ask him what’s going. however, i am not always comfortable with him paying non stop, so i insist doing it myself sometimes. he moved back to his parents house, just 8 hrs away from where i live and a few days later on new years eve/day, he spent hours just texting me and focusing on me while at a party when most people would be having fun and just partying the night away. night, he just said hi, but didn’t really pay much attention to me when i showed up to see another one of his friends for a minute that’s just in town for the weekend. he also is recently divorced, father of two, he raises his children also, and his ex has them on the same weekends as my ex. when i tried to end things he called me 15 or more times till i picked up crying saying he couldnt be without me in his life and that if i stop talking to him he will never be even friends with me and cut me off because thats the only way he could get over me. background info: he holds a partnership in multiple businesses that require him to work odd hours.. you hung out for a few weeks, and made out but he didn't try for sex. kind of picked back up where we left off at. i’ve never felt like this before about a boy… ah, it’s like i’m on cloud nine.
Excuse me but are we dating or hooking up
if i had to guess i would say that he is confused or ambivalent about his ex, you, all of it. online dating is great, but there is a lot of rejection involved. we are both in our thirties, we met online, the first time we met in person something clicked just right and literally sparked: a short mid afternoon date ended up lasting for almost 6 h during which we did not stop looking at each other eyes, smiled stupidly, and talked about tons of deep things, discovering we actually share even the most rare of habits, tastes and thoughts. the fwb code reframes that person as “in the wrong” for breaking the agreement, but it’s an agreement that can’t be legislated so to speak. i would like to keep him interested, and maybe it would progress into more than sex? no guy, no ex for that matter even, has made me feel so loved before, ironically. the whole recurrent hooking up fizzled out after the bad sex. i want to tell him he has nothing to worry about but last time i did he ran away and i thought i scared him off or lost him. do you think something has shifted or am i being paranoid! he says i would be his girlfriend if these thing were different. i don’t really have any doubts that he is interested in me, and likes me, but i want to know how to realize if he is in it for sex, or for more. he hasn’t told anyone, not even his family or friends about me. the whole summer i was mostly thinking about him and skeptical about all the times we was in school and looked on random sights about signs of him liking me and they seem to match. during my first time 3 weeks prior to meeting this girl. definitely sounds like he’s fallen for you, but be careful. he even dried my hair for me after and dressed me after.. if you feel very strongly about him, it might be better to cool it for a while – not hang out so much, and pursue the friendship when you're really over him. i have seen him for the longest time, and when i look at him i mess up on the music i’m supposed to be playing (if that’s any indication of my physical attraction towards him). if he is just looking for casual sex, then he’s unlikely to change his mind. i really do like him and he appears to like me but i dont want to push him away by making him think i am wanting more or moving to fast does it appear he is devloping feelings or am i simply over reacting or mis reading the situation? i know that isn’t easy to find, but being alone for a while is better than being taken advantage of. when his daughter, age two, would be over, i’d go over after she went to sleep and leave before she woke up. how do i broach this with him so it does not sound like i am needy cos i’m not would just like to know whats he thinks is happening cos i have no idea. but i am begginning to fall for him and i want to see if we are on the same page. bottom line, i want to get to know him, to communicate better, and have what you call “the talk” or some version of it. it was like we both got scared and ran away to our comfort zones (the ex’s, and his ex would always be trying to talk to him from what i remember, and show she cared, i didnt really do that much =/ i didnt wanna be clingy). the first time we hung out we just took a walk and talked. almost every guy i know or have ever known will do this. during this time he talked about his strong feelings for me, how amazing i am, etc. i don’t think he drove down for another reason because his brother ended up going to visit his family for the holidays a few days after that so i took it that the main reason he came down was for me. “i forgot how beautiful you were,” and a sweet kiss. it hurt me but at the same time, i just understood cause he was there by himself and probably felt lonely. im just confused i just wantvto know if he likes me and how i can play this right. i was kind of doing it for fun at the beginning.. it seems like their relationships tend to last for quite a while, or they only date people he think they will last with. you have an update, let me know, and i’ll try to answer right away. or maybe im just reading too much into it all?. does he actually have feelings for me or is it just a hook up? i don’t want to text or call because i don’t want to feel like i am nagging- what should i do? this week, during one of our text convos, he casually bring up first when i’ll be “coming up” to his city… and i say this long weekend! when i say just kidding, he smiles big and all is happy-dandy., do you think it would be forward or presumptuous of me to send him a little text to let him know he’s on my mind or hope you’re having a good weekend, etc? hasn’t made a move yet, no kissing or even holding my hands, nothing sexual… so im starting to feel insecure… im not sure if it is that he is been respectful and wants to take things slow or that he doesn’t like me.. what should my course of action be, at the end of the night when she kissed me we agreed we would see each other wednesday, since she will be busy for the rest of the weekend since she has another midterm tomorrow. before we get any deeper i know im gonna have to stand up and have the talk. so that kind of leads me to believe that he’s interested in the “hook-up” more than anything. they thought we’d hit it off, and that we did. i think im going to need a shot before i do that hahathank you sooooo much for taking the time to read and respond to my messages! now i am second guessing and wondering if he doesn’t think i’m as pretty in person, or the chase is off now because he got the prize, etc…. but he continued to text and call and ask if we can have dinner, i kept saying no. if a guy knows that the is not committed and can pull back at any time, or have sex with someone else, he may thoroughly enjoy your company in all the ways you describe. fling or infatuation may be just the beginning of a more intimate and lasting relationship. is he just fooling around with all this or am i being skeptical? you’ve been letting the dog bury his bone in you for the past three years, and yet you feel too awkward to just talk it out with him? he’s definitely not your conventional guy, and not up for titles. in the beginning, we always texted back and forth and he always had really cute things to say to me, like compliments not just on what i look like but personality as well.: i was, i’m just asking on a friendly basis. does he want to, or does he only sleep over when you ask him to? a week later he texted that the voicemail was incoherent and he finally figured out who it was.. stops for a little bit of friendly small talk, and then carries on their way. conduct is not okay, and i was stunned and it felt horrible. i would’ve thought that the cold-shoulder and just plain ignoring him would be enough, but he does not give up his pursuit. we asked him once about where it was going and if we had a good chance and he said yes.” maybe i should give this a little bit more time? i am not going to lie; i know i am a very attractive girl so i never thought i would grow feelings for this guy. gets jealous whenever i text someone or someone texts me. if he fell for you as you are, he has no right to ask you to change your appearance – that would be like you demanding he get jacked at the gym. we dated and he asked me out and i turned him down. it does sound like he made a real effort, though, like it was about more than sex. entire week, he didnt text me, not even when the weekend came. at first he said that he wasnt looking for a relationship. am 23 and am currently seeing a man 10 years my senior. a month ago i met this great guy on a dating website and today we went on our 4th date. she passed out on one of the couches in a house we went to- so i asked the guys who owned the house if we could spend the night.“phone or not, i would think if he hadn’t lost that comfort, and if he was really interested in me, he would be calling even if from a pay phone. are fine and well, but charm alone does not carry enough weight. i think i’m not fully committing a crush here because he is a commitment phobe and always pulls back from me when we have deeper convos – he did this even when we were just friends. (there was some kissing involved as well 🙂 ) and he gave me some very nice compliments… *blushes*so for the next few weeks we would hang out and cuddle in his room and there was an occasional hookup or two- sometimes it would be after *some* drinking (no sex, i’m a virgin, but he isn’t- he knows that)then randomly after we sort of had a date(he asked me)- we went out to dinner and then hooked up completely sober- he stopped texting me. most people also think that he is trying to keep me close, but also at arm’s reach because he is trying to make sure i will fit into his new life, figure out his future, and decide if he wants to trust me again after all the rejection before he decides either way. i want him to be into me more than that… i can see him as a future boyfriend or something serious. he may find you attractive or even like you but feels the timing is not right. both times we’ve hooked up, i spent the night and he wrapped his arm around me all night and throughout the morning. 3) when we’re together and his parents call, he’ll say he’s with friends or he’s at work. if you are 29, ready to meet someone for a serious relationship, and as much fun as it sounds like from this story, you will be in high demand. he told me that he understood where i came from, he was trying to keep in touch with me as much as he could, or he was giving me a lot of the free time he barely had. made plans to spend the entire day with me saturday and we did, nothing fancy, went to lunch and did a little shopping. i couldn’t believe how gorgeous she was and how much we connected. this guy gives me crazy mixed signals and it is hard for me to tell whether he likes me as more than just a friend. and as for him, i didnt ask, but i doubt he is. of course he’s in no hurry, but it’s different for women. this will be a bit long, just because i have so much in my mind. venting is more towards guys and why they are the way they are. he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and so had i, but i decided to hang out with him a few days later anyways. if he had real feelings, he would not have been eager to go hook up with other people, even if you were the one who suggested it. their relationship didn't last long at all, just a few weeks really. week after that i bumped in to him again, briefly.: guess this just means we need to see each other more often 🙂. he has told me that he finds me to be very provocative and he’s used the word cute. he also teases me about how ‘i need space’ and how he wishes he could see me more often, but cant, because of my ‘boundaries’. again i’d like to say before, during, and after the intimate time, we still had a full on conversation catching up and he was still asking me questions and questions still wanting to know more about me. he put effort into making you laugh (a big one for me)?: not sure where kara is, but my other two roomates are at my friends house, i had to skype home bc of family stuff, now just relaxing 🙂. well he ended up moving 2 hours away for a job and we text all the time and he says he wants me to move there with him and keeps asking and asking. if you or a guy roll over after "the deed" is done into the arms of an iphone, chances are good that you're just a booty call. he was also really odd again about the idea that i may be just using him for sex too…. i hope things will eventually work out with us and that at some point he will be ready to commit but i just dont know…can you please help me out and shed some light on the situation i am in? and i don’t know if i should continue to see him because there is a factor of jealousy now on the table. ale: we never actually “hooked-up”, and thank god for that. do know he is a very affectionate cuddler by nature and likes public displays of affection and that he certainly made me feel that way when we met. talk basically every day and i went out with him and every time i would see him talking to one of his friends (girl) i would walk up and he would instantly hug me and kiss me in front of everyone and say, “this is my ‘bestest’ friend”. is he attentive to your sexual needs/wants or does he just get his? we have talked a few times and texted maybe once or twice…i don’t know if this guy likes me or what! i had started to develop feelings for him too so i told him and all seemed well. if he wants to make the commitment, that this is something real and serious, and that you are going to be in each other’s lives, you will embark on a whole new relationship that should include a lot more than being in bed together. i urge women to wait for someone who will make his interest and intent clear. susan/badger,let me start by saying i am a 40 year old woman who is just returning to the dating world after a 20 year marriage. but i realize i'm letting him do this to me, so it's up to me to stand up for myself.. a guy who asks for your number and asks you out the same night is displaying strong interest, unless he makes it clear it's "just friends. we have been hooking up for about a month now. at the end of the work day, i asked him if there was something wrong and he seemed really embarassed. if he really had respected me and had feelings for me wouldn’t that question not make sense? so here’s the latest, and if any of these don’t seem like indicators otherwise, feel free to say so!), does not seem to care much about learning what things i like, does not seem to want to see me more than once per week, has never complimented me, and his profile is still on the online site (mine is as well…). i hope you are not still hooking up with this asshole. but we would still stay in touch with msn or with facebook from time to time and when he came to visit. it sounds like he had a great vacation fling for a few weeks, but feels no sense of obligation or wish to be in any kind of regular, ongoing contact. ” and as he leaves he says ” i just wanted to make sure you were ok and try to put a smile on your face ” or driving 30 mins at 1am to come be with me so i wasn’t alone when i found out that my friend had passed. my friend encouraged me to email him just making simple conversation and he responded back pretty much telling me he noticed me and wanted to hang out., he might think you are not a girl for a "one and done" hookup. remember, men can compartmentalize b/w hooking up and love. about two weeks ago he said that we should stop having sex (we hooked up twice) because he doesn’t want it to complicate things with us living so close (we both own our houses) and that if we dated it could be the best thing in the world or the worst.” and i responded stupidly because i guess i didn’t understand what he was saying so i responded with the city that i met up with him and he said the city and connected it with a country that had the same city that we were in. he’s supportive of my goals, very attentive when we’re together, and makes a conscious effort to lay off the phone unless it’s absolutely necessary to place a call/email. if he leaves you, then he was never in for the relationship at the first place. the (short version) conversation went like this (ps this was yesterday night):z: jesus you didnt even answer my question. please help i am mega confused by all this and thinking seriously of bailing completely on him for good. or perhaps he really does want to see how things go, or might even be determined to keep things casual. if it’s fwb, then long, soulful chats about what you’re doing are just making the dynamic between the two of you more complicated. first of all i need to applaud you for your advice (and your flowchart)! later that night another girl tried to kiss him and he just flat out denied her- didn’t give her a reason. he came over again this weekend, all was great, we had great sex, mammoth deep chats etc. well, right after the friend and i started working together there was some very intense flirting, we even got to the what are you looking for in a life partner conversation (strangely enough we are pretty much exactly what the other is looking for). i said he doesn’t have to feel bad about it as we are doing what we both find conveinient and we both enjoy each others company etc. which is obviously fair enough because we have only been talking for a month. if he did get hurt by the previous gf, he may not be ready for another commitment. there are many factors to why we both agree we aren’t dating. anyway, last year i changed jobs and started to work with a lot of people and i’ve become a little more sociable. i don’t know if your still even answering this question but i came across it in hopes of answering my situation. i don’t think i’m really ready for a serious relationship but am not real good at this “hooking up” thing. been texting on and off since we both left our uni (we live far away from each other) and the conversation always moves towards whether im seeing anyone at home “so, any hot dates? i’m a very selective person and i am aware of who i like/who i don’t and am picky because i don’t want just anyone! he also said that he wasn’t sure that we had feelings enough to date one another. is this a communication issue, or does this indicate a noncommitment from one or both of us? can’t really lay expectations on him that aren’t his style, that’s a form of nagging and will make him disappear. he is home every 5-10 days for a day, then back out. the research shows is that early sex is not a barrier to a relationship if both parties went into it interested in a relationship. however i dont understand his angle, and what he wants from me." they're deflating, and moreover, they are clear indicators that your relationship is nothing but -- and will be nothing more -- than a hookup. the contact has been pretty even between us, though we go a day or two without talking sometimes. it was quite romantic, he had a fire waiting for me (which he knows i love). we saw each other my chance again when i was walking to office hrs and he was biking from class.: does your crush like you as more than a friend? that’s how we fell asleep and he wrapped his legs between mine and spooned me the entire night. im not sure exactly what else happened through out the night because both of us were intoxicated, but every time he talked to a girl he’d look back at me and smile and every time i talked to a guy he’d do the same. at the end of the date, he walked me to my car and i said so “i had a lot of fun, you should give me a call” he replied “i had fun too but you seem to have a busy week” and i said well how about next sunday? i had a feeling that she wasn’t going to be there any longer or he lost interested. but, does it even matter if we are just friends with benefits? anyway just a few nights ago he got pretty drunk and i picked him up and the whole drive back to my place which was about 20 mins he’s telling me how happy he was that i was with him and he must have said “i like you alot lisa, like really alot” at least 20 times … no exaggeration! we agreed not to talk about any r/s issues until his exams are over partly because i didn’t feel much for him initially. after we hooked up he stayed for like four more hours trying to get to know me and cuddling with me, and during our conversations he would randomly touch my arm, hair, kiss me, etc… how do i know if he is just interested in hooking up or if he may eventually want more? i finally asked him when he was leaving the country and he told me next week he was going and it crushed me. he said i just dont want to hurt you and i dont want to get hurt, i know im very affectionate and that can be confusing but i guess iif you’re not thinking about any of that then were on the same page. he flirted with me on and off ans showed minor signs he liked me but i never caught cause really i didnt expect someone as popular as he was to like someone like me who was low key. the other night, i picked up a pizza and went to his place to get some studying done- which did happen, but again, one thing led to another. when we first starting texting it was every few days or so and then before i knew it we have been texting everyday, he usually texts me before he goes to sleep and in the morning when he wakes. he told me in the beginning he just wanted to be friends, but he never introduces me as such, and now seems to be getting into arguments with me or getting annoyed with me. 4 months in i got really drunk and ended up hooking up with a guy i found very attractive and had some flirty tension with every time i spoke to prior during my time here. best friend says they haven’t talked much about it (he moved north so they talk less), but that i should go for it.: what does your birth order say about your dating style? so here’s my story…start off with i’m 24, the involved guy is 43… we attend school together and have for the past two years. felt like i had soo many questions and decided to send him an email basically telling him that what i wrote before wasn’t what i meant and what i meant was that i enjoyed our friendship before and i realize that i can’t do the in between because i can’t handle it and i have feelings. i sometimes hear about stories where things are going well then all of a sudden the guy starts acting weird because feelings start getting too intense. other day he told me he cancel his online account (dating website) because he didn’t want to pay again, i try to access his profile and its true, is not active anymore. so we went on our first date about 3 weeks ago and on that date after about 10 hours of bein together just talking and enjoying learning about eachother he held my hand and said, it’s quite obvious that we both like eachother but i just want you to know that i’m not looking to jump i to anything, i just want to go with the flow.. he told you in the beginning he just wanted to be friends? don’t try to be his friend – that just means more sex when he finds it convenient.’m going to be frank, it sounds like you guys are just placeholding for each other until one or both of you find someone else to really connect with. there are so many conflicting signals and emotions in this story, it’s impossible to know what either of you is feeling. your current situation isn’t making you miserable, and you can enjoy the relationship for what it is, then i’d see where it leads. i met this guy online we being talking for a couple of weeks so this sunday we went on the first date. long story short, he comes over, we talk and have great conversation and eventually hook up. met this guy in around january at an exhibition when he came with a friend of mine and as soon as i saw him i was attracted to him, and the more, as i talked to him. he did break up recently with an ex, and so did i (both of us were in long term ones) but i feel as though he doesnt want to get close to anyone in a sense. i’m just not sure if i fit in his schedule “literally. we did and were laughing and talking a lot until he asked if he could kiss me. he is going out of town to vegas for his job and asked me to come along he would pay for my ticket and all my accomodations we have talked about sex on several occasions and i suppose there is an expectation of sex on this trip my question is is he only in it for the sex? i have feelings for him but i can also shut out my feelings as well. he toned himself down to make sure it wasn’t too much for me and didn’t put me last. so we did and we were just watching tv and talking. from what i know he is a very or used to be a rather promiscuous men who “likes variety”. he said no problem, “i can give you that and so much more. there’s this guy that i have liked for a long time and he never really liked me back. i am going to riff on your words and what they mean to men (e. he constantly says that he thinks im beautiful and exotic, and lately hes been emphasizing about traits that are more personality-related. he continues to come by my office to have coffe, we talk and we exchange things. when those don't pan out, come last call, texts go flying out in an attempt for some late-night loving. should i just ask him what is it that he wants from me? you don’t understand why it’s complicated, or where you stand.– asked me to sleep with my head on his chest, made sure i was comfortable and was staring at me on his chest sleeping (i woke up suddenly to make sure my big head didn’t make his arm fall asleep and he couldn’t close his eyes fast enough! normally, i find myself making excuses for the guys i like, but i want to see this situation for what it is. he just didn’t seem fake with me and he always seemed to be trying to figure me out and learning more about me, emotionally and mentally, not physically. i know that you wish he was the one for you, but i don’t believe he is. out of curiosity, i asked if he was looking for a relationship, and he said maybe, but he wasn’t willing to rush into things and wanted to see what direction things took.! i figured it helps me to write about it to try and get it clear in my head but then again maybe i am just deluding myself. he asked for my number after having a little talk. but when she wasn’t there, we’d sleep in and he offered that i stay there while he went to work and just “lock up before i left”. although we haven’t talked much about it, i know his girlfriend was the one to end their relationship. only see each other on weekdays, or if on weekends, after last call. after by chance again (we didnt text to meet) he saw me sitting outside reading and joined me, and we hung out for like 20 min. that night he finally kissed me and it just felt so wonderful. i still like him, but i’m not sure if i should talk to him again or if i was really just a one time thing for him. he’ll bring me my favourite candy on a study date) he is territorial – much of his facebook has to do with me, which is more or less a public indicator of all the time we spend with each other (his ex has taken note 🙁 she has expressed her dislike at the situation – shes not over him) most importantly, if another guy starts flirting with me he will get concerned and interrogate (and plays it off humourously – “designed to elicit information” hits the nail on the head perfectly) i have a best guy friend at university who’s girlfriend happens to be my best friend back home (the three of us are really close) i have to convince my guy frequently that i dont have feelings for my best friend, and the one time that the two of them chatted with each other, my guy acted rather hostile to my best friend.” and when i answer “you just want me to miss you and like you, which doesn’t mean i do” he would say “yes”.“im afraid to ask my friends about it bc i feel like they are judging me for kissing him/making out wednesday night and him not being my boyfriend., later he was glued to my side and very touching, caressing, and just very attentive to me.