Dating a man with kids and feeling left out
Dating a Guy With Kids? 6 Things You Must Find Out! | The
Good questions to ask a girl you just started dating,
Dating a black man with kids
don’t look back either, in my opinion you may tolerate it in the beginning but later on the relationship you will start to resent him and the children. i’ve been with my bf for 5 years, he has a 8 year old daughter and i’m very close to her as i’ve been in her life since she was 3. tell him you understand his situation and everything you wrote above explaining your situation say that to him. she specializes in working with people who are struggling through depression, anxiety, trauma, and major life transitions. man has a 2 month old son we have been together off an on for 5 years, he didn’t tell me some random girl was having his baby but long story short i found out and he’s been playing a role at home saying he wants to sign all rights away and telling me i have nothing to worry about but the on fathers day there was a picture posted by his mother saying happy father’s day to her son an a picture of him holding his baby which he told me he’s never seen personally and never wants to but i found out it was a arranged meeting at his mother’s house for them what do i do! my partners ex is a horrible bitch and their two daughters are here 50%. i am married to the love of my life and we both want a child or children. i can already see you are starting to feel resentment toward him and his kids. i really feel like it’s doing more bad then good because i take care of our son 24/7 and his daughter a few days during the week and its getting to be a lot so i told him and we got into a huge fight. as the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’. if you have this many qualms at the beginning, you will always hurt in the relationship. honestly, i’m scared too, of me being just the second priority, and his connection with his ex-wife will always be there. then yesterdai he told m he has onother 2 children frm different mothers he says it was one nyt stands 2 both this othr 2 kids nd blame it on alcohol. i’m a real sexual out there loving free as a bird sex addict, and loooove my lesbian and gay scene.’t you just pack your stuff one day and go when he’s out? we had a short breakup and i didn’t know what to do with my time and felt very lonely. there are lots of professional men out there with kids older than 16…. if him having a kid is a deal breaker and you automatically feel like you cant do it, then dont.. and if we all go out together and do something, i'm made to feel like an outsider. i just pray for you women, hopefully you dont waste too much time before you get smart and leave. now it seems like he really misses his kids and it’s hard for me to support him because i hate that he is talking to his ex wife every day. and he doesn’t understand how or why i feel like im last! even my guy said that he can’t understand why i am ok with the baby situation, that so many girls are not… i just don’t understand how you can’t be! i would say for those who aren’t in a truly loving, committed relationship, they should back out but everyone has doubts at least once in their lives. but whether i find someone else with a bond this deep or not, i’d rather be single and living my life, happily making all my goals come true than to be miserable, last place and feeling insignificant in someone’s pre-made life!. i was sooo thankful but only to find later he blamed me for his bad wrist and for rubbing me…. if you do that then spend the rest of your life with the kids, and dont put another person who likes you and wants a relationship with you through that. but if i had kids of my own and when they i would never recommend it haha nor to a close family member haha. all women aren’t the same and not every ex will bring drama or real ‘tote’ because of her ‘child fadda’s’ present relationship. i may be pregnant as well, which we also talked about. on your story,you mentioned he had cheated on you and a baby was born as a result. i kinda want to step back being so involved with decisions and playing house, especially without a ring…i just gotta keep praying to see if he is even the right one for me. i’m 22 and my bf is 31, he has 2 kids a boy who is 10 and a girl who is 7, we’ve been together for 1 yr and 5 mos.. but instead i told him its jest he work to much now i was watching a wendy williams show and she was talking about 20 year old girls with no kids we shouldn’t date a man with kids simply because we have a whole life ahead of us instead of helping talking care of a baby that’s not along even mine…… the world is our canvas we have a whole lot ahead of us she said let the older man go we don’t need him or his baggage leave him do it face to face now she also said he’s older now he’s gonna try to sweet talk you back in to dating him……its so much that i can say about this dating a man with kids thing its not for me because i don’t like the fact that your baby mother is gonna always be around even when i’m dead and gone i don’t like that face my man has somebody to tell him what to do and when he can do it if he’s not gonna be babysitting ummmmm no sorry sir but you missed out on a good woman because you messed up and thought your baby mama was the one ummm no you got kids that’s gone always be daddy daddy daddy everywhere i turn i hear daddy umm sorry sir but i’m not about to play momma and daddy when i don’t have kids i told him maybe he should get a women with kids if you ask me he being selfish you tryna get the girls with no kids in so he don’t gotta put up with other people kids hahaha very funny but dude you can’t go get a girl with no kids and try to make a family you need another women with kids that way y’all both accepting each others past mistakes by having kids boy you can’t be selfish and get a fresh young girl and get her pregnant now you her first baby father and she jest fall in line with the rest…. posted: 7/4/2007 2:58:59 am"you will never know nor understand the love a parent has for a child until you have children of your own" i dont agree with that at all. i’m 26 and he is 39, we are both very motivated people who work hard to have a good life, his ex on the other hand has never worked a day in her life and thinks she’s entitled to his money because they have a kid. i am pregnant with his child and we raised my other child together since he as 3 weeks old. i do my part in taking care of my kids and don’t ask him for much of anything when it comes to my kids. and also im getting scared that even if i help him to get out of this financial problems he will secretly run them again, or scared of thing my thinking and feeling about him having his first child with this woman will get even worse when we have our child. im attractive…just turned 30, come from a loving family and have been independent since 21. bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. i always was serious in my all relationships… he told me straight in the beginning he had children, but i couldn’t understand how hard it can be accepting them. met my fiancé online when i was 30 and dated a month before he told me he has a son. when him and i were just dating, things were great. we met while he was in college in tennessee, & a month later he had to go back to indiana, but our relationship only grew stronger after he left. he has a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. i’m tired of having to compete for his time but i do love him and i’m not ready for this to end. its just i dont want to be a part of his kids life. i cut off facebook and phone communication, & i think after that she got a little salty. he first told me he had one child with a woman who was bipolar and a drug addict, because she was threatening with suicide we had to wait for things to calm down before he could leave her for me. i know it’s cliche, but you are young and have plenty of life left to live. i don’t want to end up not having kids. he calls me out on it and next time something happens and i stay anything he says oh i thought you didn’t care anymore or not going to get involved and it’d another argument . you have to participate in changing pampers and feeding the baby and all the many needs of this baby? you want someon in your life who loves you and not because he doesn’t want to make sacrifices in a relationship. so we kept on dating, everything went well, then i moved in to his flat after a year or so, he got divorced soon and everything seemed to be fine. this hurts so much i love him and the kids so much, i help him raise his two, cook, clean, help with home work, buy books toys and even school uniforms for them. and my fiancé have been together for a couple years now, he has a daughter by another woman and we now have a son.!Pucksjoined: 10/14/2006msg: 2when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? the 16 year old was put in the “crazy ward” due to “episodes” however, after a week, in there, “she’s cured” no more episodes (let me add that since i’ve known this man, this is a girl who hates school! he says i need to grow up before he even thinks about marrying me and having kids but i think that’s an excuse. he has 3 children with three different women, and a possible 4th child on the way with his last child’s mother. he didn't want to chance his son walking in the bedroom and seeing us laying in the same bed together.: 12/11/2005msg: 5when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? i love this man with all my heart, and i plan on being with him. it’s all about building that relationship on the basics, as you would any other, with love, trust, understanding, and commitment, among other things. i wanted to stay in the relationship, because i wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that i could withstand this, and that the situation wasn’t as hard as everyone makes it out to be. i felt like i had to take a side, and my loyalty was to my boyfriend. so think,feel,put all your heart there and believe…you will find the answe what to do. follow your heart sweetie if you feel that a baby will bring happiness to you guys relationship and that he may be a great father well you can take that into consideration but if he’s not willing to have a baby with you maybe god is telling you something. leaving him is going to be the hardest thing for me to do but at the same time it best for me and my future. has custody for one child and much contact with his ex-wife and the other child. i finally got out of that unfulfilling relationship, you should try that as an option. i met my current man, he has 2 kids and didn’t want anymore..i have no kids and i just turned 33yrs my boyfriend has 2kids they get along with me very great the relationship has been foe 4yrs. when a man/person has a child and is seeing someone else, bear in mind that child will always question 'why can't mummy be with daddy'? my mom does not like how her life turned out with my dad and personal, career etc. it’s difficult to have two (mother & child) people outside of our relationship who will always have a large say in our future..otherwise i wouldn’t have come to the states and leave my family and friends behind. coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. kudos to all stepmothers out there, i read all the books, i read all the articles and i try my damnest to be a good step mommy. this is why my family don’t like him and we are not invitert to family gatherings. i have a gf, but she have already one kid, and the big question im happy to be with her, i decided to marry her, but every time she mentioned his kids i got mad! and maybe i really do not want a baby with him, i just will suffer more… till know i believed that nothing can stops love, but i just was wrong. the truth is at your age, you don’t need anyone even though you may think you do, and the last thing you need is to feel second to some other woman’s children. if he was honest with you from the beginning i think you need to think about what future you see with him.’ve read most of these comments and can relate to then so much. u will meet someone like you , and u will build your own family. reading all these comments i feel worthless like people with previous kids ruin everything. i think that maybe this is something that you will have to work out on your own. tell you that youre young and to just leave, but youre in love and you wont. you can’t waste your life catering to him and his kids for much longer. that life is not perfect, we built our lifes, god had put inside us a view of perfect family, a husband, a wife and children. i loves this man deeply when i first met this man i felt like he was the best thing that ever happen to me but love can put you in some dangerous situations. i love him so much, and i can imagine myself being with him forever. the youngest will be 9 soon and the oldest is 16 the other 2 are teens so not too many years left and even though we only get get them every other weekend u am starting to resent the hell out if them and him . at least give your ex a bit a credit for putting his child first, alot of men out there have turned theit backs on their kid/s.: 4/7/2005msg: 24view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? the experience just allowed me to see what i do and don’t want in my life, and i don’t think that makes me selfish or immature at all. got no appreciation for the mills i cooked and paid for and he only paid 100 a week . i’ve tried to hold in my petty, immature jealously issues but eventually he can tell and then asks what’s wrong. at the same time, he is currently going through a child support battle with the two youngest kids mother therefore she has no knowledge of his relationship with me. so, i leave my mother and drive 2 hours to get to court, i testify, he gets custody of his kids and he never asks how my mother is! i’m not looking for rude comments, i’m just looking for either a same situcommenand understanding comments and helpful advice. can’t really talk about this with anybody because i feel like nobody understands. he is, currently, 48 and has been divorced for about 5 years.…i love him to bits and the current situation is breaking my heart…. my boyfriend had a one night stand and he found out the girl was pregnant 2 months into our relationship. a baby by him there are advantages and disadvantages he is the perfect father to our son well to his other t kids also, but like you said it will come between the family that you are trying to build cause he will have to deal with his other kids, and in my situation their mother does a very poor job at caring for them because she’s mad because he left due to her dug abuse. i’m extremely truly happy now and a huge relief that i did not have any kids with this man and get stuck for the rest of my life …… phew ~~~~~ all ladies out there ! again thinking of my boyfriends kids… i will never accept them and i think this is a huge problem… feel upset thinking for this reason i probably will leave him …. i have been dating, for 2 years now, a great man! he was always up front about the kid so although we felt tremendously attracted to each other, i felt like i was too young and immature at the time to get into something like that so i chose not to get involved at all. like i said, many more single people have children now, and, while some people have strict rules about wanting someone, who may be like them, single and childless, dating a single parent isn’t akin to the plague. you probably are a single mum yourself and does not know what other single ladies without kids are going through with their current partner with kids, especially they have to cook for them, pay the bills, work for them, provide a roof for them, free sex and still get treated like shit by the single dad with kids. you just need to know what you want and what’s best for you.. my boyfriend is a great guy, and i very respectable father who is very much so present in his daughters life, but i’m not sure if i can really do it/:I have had contact with the babies mother, and she hates me! am torn between sucking it up and staying… and letting go. do not date men with kids and crazy manipulative ex wife! we always talk about getting married, but do i want to be married to his kids also. or spending money on presents as he has been hiding them at his sisters place and she has been picking him up so it looks like they are going somewhere for the day.'d say suck it up and stop whining about it all and try to be supportive of the hubby and child. he then got orders to ct which is a lot closer to home and his 3 kids. for if you weren’t you’d say the same crap about single mothers and you know what?!Nunthewiserjoined: 4/12/2005msg: 21view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? my biggest issues, is that he has a child, the mom is a piece of work and he wants to play a role in the 2nd kids life still sometimes too. big things are… i wish it didn’t take a lot more work… and i was happier dating women with no kids and no baby daddies….. i even haven’t finished reading your comment, but if you and he are together, h needs to divorce.’m dating a girl with 4 kids 1st and 2nd child from one father the 3rd from a different father and the 4th from me ..and 5) now i like the kids that sweet sometimes but very aggregating everytime i see them…. it’s already two years and he always told me that it will he is into me and love me. it is absolutely horrible and he will pick his ex wife and kids no matter what happen and leave you all alone behind lonely scare and hurt. really don’t want to be a downer but if you stay with him you have to sacrifice all your hopes and dreams of being a mom. he threatens be to get a ribbing if i speak to someone about his situation. he also think sleeping on his black ex b%tch bed looking after other man’s kid is normal too ! don’t waste time and jump over the ocean for someone who doesn’t bother jump over the poodle for you. i live with them and pay half the bills in the house. also when the kids come over my stuff be comes missing or cut up? also, i read that would the dad be so overcome with joy having another kid, its nothing like the first time… but he has said that he wasn’t in a relationship with her and didn’t get to experience all the happy moments/milestones of pregnancy . you are smart, and you want this to work, then i suggest you start playing a part in this. and cant see what a decent guy she does have. examples of couples who put their kids second in their dating relationship.!Complicated, embarrassing, ashamed and heartbroken that i’ve suffered through this for nearly 3 full years and still continue to.: 6/19/2007msg: 6view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? i told him that he’s way over bonded with these girls and that he’s not helping them in any way by the way things are going. it’s funny that a woman who hasn’t worked a day in her life talks to a person like me as she is better when i’m going places, but her, she has no ambition what so ever.? because she wants to be loved and respected by a partner whom she has devoted herself to? and it is only coz the gf is now working weekends and he is bored sitting at home by himself. have a boyfriend who i really love he had a kid with his ex girlfriend i love both the kid and the father but the problem is his ex she keeps sayin she wont allow her kid to be raised by a step mom neither does she want to raise her kid without his biological dad what i got pregnant last month but had a miscarage i really love this guy what do i do. november 2014 i finally came to the states and we got married spontaneously. we have known each other for about ten years and lived together for two., the eldest child has just recently got back in-touch and over the last 2 weeks has been staying over at my partners house. if not,then that would make it easier to weed out…in other words, not worth your time.’s her problems, they’re her embarrassments… i feel i should be left alone and that somehow something should go my way of getting my own life back. i was saddend about what u hapear from him so i am asking for an advice on what go do.. so i stoped cooking and hoped he wauld atleast by himself the meet he wants to eat with the vegies… . i’m happy with him, he is sweet and loving boyfriend. all i thought about was me and him sharing a future together. the kids are great & the very last thing i would want to do would be to get in between the father/child relationships. then you already saying how you want kids with me boyyyy naw i’m not gone get another victim of your long term life event lol i may be young but i’m not dumb to take care of another women’s kids girl get your own kids because i don’t want them anyways y’all know how ppl be like you got her around my kids i don’t want my kids calling her mama…. i pray for you chocolate to be happy in your life and what ever you will choose to do it will be the right and the best choice for you :). life doesn't end when children are born, and the second half of a relationship shouldn't feel left out. i’d love to know if you’re still with him and how youre doing, i am so torn with my situation..a…i enjoy his kids and they have been in dcfs for about 6 months. considering i have two social science degrees from the university of south florida, as well as you can not spell anonymous, pretty sure i aced this one. he never voluntary talk to me about it but i had to ask. my man and her haven’t been together for five years. dating a man with kids always ask him if he has dated women with kids before. his father and i, both 22 years old, fell in love seemingly at first sight, & i would travel the ocean to see him if that’s what it took. all you need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure you can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship. it’s all about building that relationship on the basics, as you would any other, with love, trust, understanding, and commitment, among other things. single parent's can have relationship's with other people other then their children, but that person that you have the relationship either has to accept your child or not, and i am almost sure most people would say that if they dont accept the child then they are not the person to be with. there is a lot of introspection to do and i would say its better to start asap. i not only don’t have any parental rights, i also beleive i help him with raising the child because i want to, not because i have to, therefore he should be a bit more thankful and not see it as something i cannot refuse. i found out through someone else that he cheated on me with and i was devastated, and after 6 years we are still together.[ within reason]if you are going to dedicate all of your emotional and physical self to your kids 24-7 , you are going to create very self centred little people. last year i fell really hard for a single-dad with two kids. would you even be with a man that has a wife? i started dating my bf a year and 5 months ago.: 8/4/2006msg: 19when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first?
Dating a man with kids and feeling left out
but it would suck cause i had a kid with her and because she already has 2 and is guilty she doesn’t put as much effort cause she doesn’t want to make her 2 spoiled ones jealous. when we are out to they public, he would tell people i’m his girl friend even though i have the ring on. i love the man i’m with and feel like he’s my soulmate, but it hurts to know he didn’t think about the woman he would marry in the future (since he clearly stated a million times he does not want to get back with the bm & hasn’t been with her a yr before she got pregnant, while she was pregnant & after) now i have to suffer & deal with all the drama she throws at him since he doesn’t want to be with her. he said he wants to be with them all the time, and misses them when we go away (this summer we went away fro four weeks as my family lives abroad, this only ended badly with him feeling guilty eh is not with the kids). write an honest long letter/email to him and keep it in your drafts until you’re ready to go. ask yourself, what do i hope for in a man and future father of your children?! you are too young for that you will get fed up and then realize you lost time. you for writing in with such a rich and complex question. am dating a guy with a daughter and i do not come first. i understand him, i d stay where my children are and not follow my partner. he has cheated on you, so it can happen again, think about yourself. the fact that the baby looks too damn like him doesnt help at all, and when i asked him to tell the girl he is in a relationship now, he refused and said he didnt want to hurt her even if he claims they dont talk. i do almost all the work as ‘mum’ and he sits back and relaxes. his plan to go see his kids during the holidays. hope you understand and if you went through the same experience as other single girls did, i don’t think you will say the same thing of being immature and ridiculous., a child's needs come first, but this whole martyr syndrome that single parents seem to feel in which they cannot devote any time to anyone other than their children has gotten a little out of hand. he didn’t hide them from the start and he’s a good father, spends a lot of time with his kids. i think there’s a lot of stigma about single parents, even more so for the men than the women. it’s all about her all the time because she’s the one with the child. could work out and honestly my situation is not that bad in comparison to others but it is hard at times. well the boy i am speaking to at the moment has one daughter but i feel as if i will never be completely happy because of course she comes first and that’s very understandable. both anonymous and rebecca, i have just read your posts and i wanted to share my pain with you as it doesn’t seem dissimilar. one night i talked to him on the phone asking about his case, again i have to ask before he tells, the case doesn’t seem to going well, but it doesn’t matter to me how to feel anymore. you could actually find a great person who shares common interests, goals and views with you. i’m in school, 23 yrs old, no kids and i truly love this man. 3 of us live in 1 state of australia, and the other kid is basically non existant now over 12 hour drive away, no visits no calls, nothing. but when i realise he has kids, or he mentions them, or call them i feel like i am on the side…. it very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. maybe try to just live a little cleaner for a bit and exploring yourself, instead of looking for the next ‘lay’ all the time. for now on if i date a guy with kids i’m running even though i have 2 oh well or i will stay single. no matter how much you love that man or how much angel you think he is. i knew he had kids but i didn’t realise how hard it would be with them around every weekend, he has two little ones from his marriage, and two that live away with their mother but come to visit, or we all go for weekends to see them now and then. im so confused, i dont wanna go through life waiting and waiting hopefully next week he will say lets have a baby/will you marry me? and he mentioned to me that he can only give me one kids because he cant support more than 3 kids. i also worry that it will be too much to handle if he suddenly wanted to have contact with the two eldest children as i have spent two years really struggling to be a stepmum to his three girls. my man thinks i lied to him when we met. feelings i thought had gone due to being frightened resurfaced. so one we moved into our new place in ct i made all the calls and made sure to register his son into school. i’m in a relationship with a man who has three kids… under the age of 10. im trying to think different way but its in my head all the time, its too many things that bother me. i love watching him with baby girl… and i love even more when she smiles at me or reaches for me. i knew i couldn’t cope with the whole kid thing and all the strings attached. i would be using that free time i would have with myself to catching with friends and family keeping that bond to which ya had before the new guy came along. you will be dealing with her and the kids, you are way too young for that lot in life..and their mother as well gets upset wen i complain about the kids . i will always put my child before any man and any decent man will do the same. seems like a lot of women are jealous of their partners kids. in trying to develop a new relationship there seems to be need to be somewhat timid in referencing both children and more so the number of children.. sweetginjoined: 12/19/2006msg: 12when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? why didnt you explaine to his child that you were both married and married people sleep in the same room in the same bed? until now of course, after reading your blog “my boyfriend has three children and i don’t should i stay? and domand giving separate gift cards with my name on one… . we never fight and i always get alot of his time. so he done the right and loving thing and rubbed me for few days off and on..when i met him he didn’t tell me about his kids until one day b4 he took me in a family bbq he has been living with his mother two brothers a sister her babydaddy and her son in a 3 bedroom apartment. knew exactly what they were thinking, as i spoke about my newfound love interest, and him bussing the file that he had a kid. there are ups and downs in the relationship, but we work through them. i have a good relationship with the two daughters and our marriage is happy (although it takes a lot more work than any of my other relationships). his obviously lack of desire to have children with me (he said we are trying but we hardly are) is in stark contrast with the love, attention, time and money given to his other kids. man has a 2 month old son we have been together off an on for 5 years, he didn’t tell me some random girl was having his baby but long story short i found out and he’s been playing a role at home saying he wants to sign all rights away and telling me i have nothing to worry about but the on fathers day there was a picture posted by his mother saying happy father’s day to her son an a picture of him holding his baby which he told me he’s never seen personally and never wants to but i found out it was a arranged meeting at his mother’s house for them what do i do! women without kids would be crazy to settle unless they love coming after the kids and ex, would love babysitting the kids and spending money. thank god and luckily i don’t have any kid with this horrible man that don’t have the guts to stand up for me and himself! i went through it and was just exactly in your situation. boy and i have been dating for 4 months now and one of his exes sent him child support papers and she thinks it’s his baby. we always have a great time – sometimes alone and sometimes interrupted by kids. many single dads are very bitter and either look at the new woman as a punching bag (hopefully not literally)or a cash cow. don’t get dragged down by someone who isn’t worth your time and had so many other ppl 4 him 2 b worth their time. hes very loving and understanding and does not take for granted what i and my family are doing for his kid. if she leaves me, i think i will just stay with my two kids and look for a maid, i don’t think i will ever look for another woman. when the mom calls or kid is throwing a tantrum and i don’t think he’s handling it right or keeping his word then i am pissed. mostly horrible with a few fun and sweet moments with the child. i know men can have emotionless sex however with the fragile man ego, when a woman cheats on him, the tables are turned and it’s devastating to the man’s ego and subconsciously, he wants to be the one to finish it. your advice will only lead to more oblivious behavior and broken relationships. let me state that the kids do not know me daddy’s girlfriend but just as a friend. seems to me many people , men or women, come on a dating site ,looking for a mate, and one of the first things they say is "my kids come first " . she recently relocated their 2 kids interstate after finding her ‘soulmate’ online (they’re no longer together lol) but now after a year of taking them away, has decided she can’t ‘afford’ to support their kids & has demanded we take them. my ex and i have been legally separated a year on the 12th of this month, so about 3 month ago i finally started dating someone. it was too much baggage for me, & i hope those of you that aren’t supposed to be in the situation as you are and get out now and stop wasting time. do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? i’ve been helping my boyfriend with his three daughters (15, twins, and 11) for the last 2 years. and them you can think i just stay or jajaj. now on the weekends i dont even want to be around them… i have no say even though i live with my partner and i think his kids are brats and its sad because it will only hurt the kids future for not learning rules and structure. don’t ‘panic’ about being alone, don’t be desperate. which i understand but i brought up that he should alternate holidays so it’s a little less ridiculous as far as travelling is concerned and maybe he wouldn’t be in such a pickle if he had a house, we live in an apartment, and he has his own family dinner. my son is with me most of the time and i have a great relationship with his dad. 25 and for real im scared that because he doesn’t have his high school diploma i met him while he is seeking gedand he quit school to work. i feel left out sometimes when there are playing and i’m stuck cleaning up the house and they don’t ask if i want to play or when i try to be a good role model i feel he just shoots it down hes says stuff like i’m there dad and there my kids i don’t no if it’s because maybe i try to hard to be a good second mother or what. i totally agree with you everyone will suffer love marriage and family is something that they already had because of a previous marriage and kids and you will not get all the attention you want from him because they will always come first. there are hundreds of experiences, not only here, but all over the world, who tell of the heartbreak and drama many women suffer by dating a man with kids. it is not your case and you can’t understand it. he doesn’t know how to balance me with his kids and i don’t know how to accept not 1st or at least 2nd.. but like what many of the other posters have said. some women are strong but i’m not i barely have patience with my 2 kids and plus his 2 who he treat differently. yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. we live 2 hours apart and only sees each other once a week barely twice a week. you will never know nor understand the love a parent has for a child until you have children of your own.!Anyways, from the beginning my expectations were to high from his daughter, it was quite bumpy, and as not expected it took us forever to get to where we are now, thank god bc i did pray about it a few times (it’s so funny how ppl start to act differently, the mom, after she gets a boyfriend she’s so easy, then he played her and now she i guess feels some type of way about her life again, being single lol so i think she is back to talking sh*t in front of them or at least his daughter so she can develop the wrong emotions) so back to the brat, shes okay, i read many articles about how you don’t have to like your “step kids, and blah blah blah, but i’m like well who wants that? and i wiish that her parents can accept it soon when we get married. their mother also doesn’t do anything except cause problems and court battles. i also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. do not pursue anyone (they smell desperation and abuse it). any partner i’ve had (two since my ex) i’ve treated with the utmost respect, kindness and consideration. thought we could be happy together and i really love him. problem is that i am not dealing with the situation, i feel utter resentment toward the mother as she did not contact him during the pregnancy or while the child was a baby she says that all she wants is to give updates on them and to be able to tell the child who her father is when she asks but is that really all she wants? you can't understand the love of a parent/child relationship until you have your owna single dad doing everything he can for his child should be praised and respected and supported. i have no issue with their kids but more with the arrangements they make to do with their care. it’s hard being around them at football practices because it’s their kids…and she makes sure to let me know by little comments and slick moves that honestly-only us women can understand and that guys don’t see. i told him before we have a child both of us have to be situated, focus on both positives and negatives. i gave him a chance because he told me nothing is nothing going on with him and the ex. i think the problem with a lot of people is once they have children they don't exactly know how to integrate soemone new in their lives and their own guilt for whatever reason (usually around the child having only one parent) gets in the way of them being happy. if he never has dated a woman with kids and he has a kid run! the oldest he was very dumb and very you g , the other 3 are from a prior marriage . a childless woman, i am having a hard time accepting that my boyfriend has a child (in terms of our long term future). i met him & fell in love took on his life and now i’m struggling with everything. to ask him random questions, just in general like if he wants more children in future, or if he wants to marry again or where he wants to live. it sucks, but if i hurt this much now, i can’t imagine how bad it would hurt if down the line if he decided he didn’t want more children and we broke it off then, after developing a relationship with him and his child. his children told terrible lies because i asked them to take part in the house chores and be responsible for their room and personal belongings..his mother is giving him her apartment because she is moving in with a husband. you have gained greater clarity on your thoughts, feelings, and concerns about the fact your boyfriend is already a father, it seems that the next step is to talk to him. i just want to be with someone who loves me so much and want that with me. really enjoyed reading this, i started seeing a guy with an 18 mo daughter about a month ago… i knew him and his baby’s mom back when they were dating pre-baby.’re arrogant in the extreme and unfairly judgmental of people you’ve never even met and too quick to condemn a man on the basis that he’s got different plumbing than you. if i completely get over the magic of sharing the first kid together experience (which i pretty much and over it) and we go ahead and have one. anyone who is in my situation my advice is be honest with ur bf or gf and tell them that the kids thing ain’t happening if they refuse to listen and try to force u to be a parent to someone and u don’t wanna for whatever reason just leave it makes no sense to subject a child to uncomfortable situations just so u and ur bf or gf can have a relationship just find someone more compatible or get over it period. i spoil them beyond belief and my family loves them like they were my own kids but i feel like they don’t look at my family as their family they don’t call my family grandma grandpa or my siblings aunt and uncle and it kind of makes me feel like i’m not part of their family or they don’t look at me as their family and it hurts me and he doesn’t really seem to care to encourage them to call them that i have so many things that are bottling inside and i don’t no who to talk to if i talk to him he gets all defensive and tells me that i need to deal with it and get used to it because those are his kids and blah blah blah and i just really want to know an answer or if maybe i’m in the wrong for feeling the way that..find some one that will see your opinions about his daughter as a negative help rather than an insult. you have any suggestions on things i could do to improve my situation and get a grip on my jealous feelings? partnering with someone who has kids when you don’t is a less than ideal situation and i don’t recommend it. and let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit? relationships can be quite complicated when only two people are involved—each person brings his or her own unique goals, dreams, and expectations, as well as wounds from previous relationships. been in relationship 4 6months now iv developed a lot for the guy nd neva lied to him but now i just find out he has a 4year old son and dating the mother but claims to luv and not able to leave and i saw luv the guy alooot i cnt even get angry @him but i am afraid to continue date him…can u plz advice quickly cus now um in bad space nd um thnkn dangerously…. kids are suppose to come first despite the nature of the relationship with the parent and child and with the girlfriend/spouse. i have never been married before and have no biological children. i feel jealously that she has what i eventually want with him and that it came from a one night stand and that i have always tried to go the right way about things putting off having a family until i found the one i truly love which i believe to be him…. i’m told if i want i child i must leave and find someone new (not only do i love him and them but i’m 37 and don’t think i could love anyone more or want someone else’s kids). also, we have a child of our own now and sadly it was the last kid she wanted to have :-( i’d love to have more but she has 3 now and does not want any more… i am stuck with 1 and i am heart broken over this…. i googled it because i always felt uneasy thinking about the future. i don’t know you nor the circumstances but i see a lot of people focusing on how that relationship made them feel while ignoring and subconsciously sacrificing big factors that may hurt them at the end. his ex is a nightmare and has taken so much out of him and i’m paying for it now. at the beginning i asked him to get someone to clean the house twice a week but he always says no because he has so many payments and his daughters are in a very good school and he has lots of expenses so each month he keeps nagging how much he is paying. long story short: they went through court counseling and he won the right to see his daughter more often. ya boy is young and wanted to wait for kids it’s not my fault i decided to hold off. and when i say it out loud it sounds so insecure and ridiculous…and then of course his comments back don;t really help because he’s kind of had enough with this roller coaster of “my mood. see what he cares more about, you or his marriage. my question is should i feel the need to rush and have kids? and then there is me, i don’t have any children but i want one or two and he doesn’t seem to want to entertain the idea. he has 4 kids with 3 different mothers (ages 17, 14- adopted from previous marriage, 6, and 2). i feel very torn between feeling sad because i always wanted my own (my ex husband was unable) and guilty because his kids are good kids. i always refused to date men with children and only made this exception because the guy i’m dating is someone i’ve known since childhood and liked but the timing had never quite worked out. tell him you understand his situation and everything you wrote above explaining your situation say that to him. i didnt think its all through, all that was on my mind is ” this child can’t miss out on an education all because of his mother” now that the chid is loving with me and i havent found a job as of yet im stuck looking after him while my boyfriend works. i’m 20 and my partner is 34 and has 3 children with another women.. i don’t know if i want kids now, i mean this situation makes accept that maybe i do not need family, but i want to have an option in my life, marry someone who i love, and maybe have kids who knows..What bothers me is that he never talks abt them or seeing them,and im not even sho if he is supporting them financially. she and i never had a huge conflict, probably because we didn’t see each other often. in the beginning, bm and i were even friends, but that got to be too much because i was the awkward person in the middle of their conflict.’m 24 he is 25 with 3 yougins and he lost his roommate so now he is going to live with me (not by my choice). my daughter is lonely and although i’m still with him i’m left very bitter. i fell hard for my new man and his 2 children. on i found out he’s got a lot of debts on credit cards. many people ask me, why i dont find myself a guy from my school . she asked for advice not wwiii over her boyfriend having kids. now i don’t feel so alone, in my feelings!) is from a careless one night stand, the “father” was saying basically wanting to try have a relationship otherwise he didnt want it. he will be always attached to his kids, even they will grown. and the most unfair thing about it i have to deal with it now and basically pay for it. alas, i admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. we have been together for 3 years and it still has not gone to next step! met a guy who already had a kid with a woman who apparently wanted to transition (i kid you not! :-(sorry for any typos i am upset and typing this on the phone. i hate that the mothers of his kids call or text him.. currently waiting on a letter for the fertility clinic to see if i have any problems (obviously he has to attend), but when i mention it he cuts me off and says he doesnt really want bloods taken. i am so frustrated and idk what to do, esp. to man taking care of their children, but its an emotional rollercoaster for the women getting in the middle of their unfinished business, because raising children is a life long commitment.’re one of them selfish fools who wants to hook in a dummy of a woman with low self esteem who think she can’t meet single men without kids. yes of course children have needs and cannot be left to make thier own decisions obviously. i have been dating/living with a man since separating from my ex husband 9 months ago. i would buy him christmas presents, birthday presents, give him baths, read to him, teach him, and love on him every chance i got. he makes you happy and you can accept his child then great, be with him! older you get, the less “men without children” you will find; and you’ll find also that less and less “men with children” would even consider a relationship with you; so, grow up and accept the reality of our times; for a 25 y.
Good questions to ask a girl for online dating,
Dating a married man with kid i understand it’s about the kids but it botheres me.! he is about to turn 15 and much bigger than i am.!I’m 24 y/o and my boyfriend is 33 y/o. make sure custody battles are over too trust me i hated being in the middle of those and so do children its uncomfortable for everyone. it will then reminds the partner without kids that the single dad is sharing something special with some other woman all the time. i didn’t feel any bad feelings when we started living together but then i got pregnant and the ex bitch started attacking out family when i actually looked after her kids half the time and didn’t ask for anything. if they want to go someplace, he asks no questions, he gets the keys and off they go!.hence he has a child with her)etc etc it goes on and on. i never knew in the beginning that i would feel this way, i thought i would be able to handle it, but as i seen the way he talks so highly of his child, loved and gave everything he could to his child, i couldn’t help but feel jealous and wonder if my child would be able to compare to his first child, his junior.?you should be happy that your bf is spending time with his child and putting his child first. i love this man with all my heart, and i plan on being with him.’m with a guy who has 3 kids by his ex-wife. i don’t have much just enough to keep my kids decent and i don’t ask him to buy my kids anything. have been in a relationship for 6 months now and am not happy my boyfriend is much older than me 24yrs older than me i am 21 yrs he controls me sometime and i really want to be happy i need a man next or a bit older like 5 to 6 yrs apart am tired but don’t know what to do pls help me. express your worries about this to him with love and understanding. do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? are way to young to be tied down with this much responsibility, start fresh and anew with a man who is at the same place in life with you.?…i read your long text and i want to encourage to follow your heart. i don’t mind being a positive role model and someone they look up to one day. i will also, add that he takes care of his mother as she is sick and he still lets the ex get her way and she still has access to his house! i’m 34 with a good head on my shoulders and simply want someone to talk to and understand …. isn’t much wrong in him having kids already,as long as you are kept in the loop..Sweet_me_31joined: 3/25/2006msg: 17when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? were dating for two years and 3 months already,, and now he drop this big bomshell just today that he don’t like to have another children. spontaneity (like going out of town for the weekend) or out during the week is not likely to happen if he’s taking care of his responsibilities as a dad with his kids. naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out. and i also think if he really loves you, he would make you feel on top of the world, and that the mother has no say in your relationship , he told me the only bond he has with her is their son, and maybe into the future if u got married and all and had your own kids, you will have the upper hand, stay strong <3. kids always come first and if my gf or wife cant handle that then she can pack up and leave. patrick’s day, easter, and will continue to do their class projects and reading as well as checking their homework and reading with them.. i want to leave him, but i feel bad because is will be lonely, but i think is time to find a man who wants to be happy with me and feels that i am the his real hapiness, as well, he doesn’t need his daughter to get completely happy. to my respect for their mothers feelings, i’ve kept myself away from the kids (it’s been a year and a half): they have a mum and dad so there’s no need for me to be involved. i’m led to think that, being as though he went back after a year and had sex with her. i’m in my mid forties and i don’t have children. i am in absolute love with this man & in the short times we have spent apart have been incredibly hard. any legal advice or procedures that are in place that force mothers to raise their own kids if they are mentally & financially fit to do so would be much appreciated!.and don’t get me wrong i never even raised my voice at them. i let a man move into myplace with 3 kids every other week , and 3 weeks over the holidays and he wauld rely on me paying for everything.) she does not have in her custody or in her life at all anymore due to being just careless and moved interstate to be with me because i originally left home to be with her but couldnt stand where we were living so i wanted to move; and she wanted to come. i see so many contradictions, sexism from both sides and departures from logic here, it seems to me, the safest investment i can make in in myself; i’ve no worries about money, i have almost no debt, travel often, and i will retire in nine years with a pension that flows immediately. he said the girl she got pregnant was a random girl, i mean one night stand and he got fooled that she wasnt going to get pregnant. sometimes i feel i get to involved with them that i need to spend down and let him do it but i enjoy making there lunchs everyday i enjoy helping them with homework and i enjoy being a mother but i feel like maybe i try to hard. i would say you should explore more opportunities and take time and finalize your thought…you might now know what exactly you want. he must be a strong person to put up with a selfish, jealous gf and clearly you do not deserve him. i never wanted to push myself on her, really bc of her attitude and poor thing was probably getting it from somewhere (her mom and friends) so i let her come to me… we finally get this far and everything is okay, she wants to be around me… until this weekend, something was telling me her sister shouldn’t come… her sister was all in my face for some reason, i actually don’t think his daughter liked that. he is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. i have created a christmas wonderland and decorated for st. as much as i love her i do relate to that jealousy feeling of not being able to give my bf his first child, his daughter. as far as his children are concerned he is wanting to get custody of his youngest child (2) and i’ll be thrown into being a mother to his youngest and possibly the 4th child thats not here yet. it’s like we’re strongly connected, but the relationship i have with his daughter makes me feel awkward about the relationship. it will be hard for the first 3 months because you love him and still miss him, after 3 months you will be thanking everyone here that ask you to run away ! i will share my story of a two and a half year relationship that involved the most precious, adorable three year old little boy i’ve ever met. i don’t have kids and i know i’ll always end up feeling like an outsider. i know it is hard but you will get through it and be a better person for it. then maybe the process of elimination can be quicker so u can finally find someone who is willing to fill that gap for u and ur children. i may be pregnant as well, which we also talked about. but the anxiety and the realization that i am and will be forever last to his 2 young girls and bm hurts in a way that only women that’s in this situation can understand. it will be hard and it will suck, but if you don’t you will resent him and ruin the relationship. if you see yourself settling down with this man then you need to consider all the things that he will bring along into the marriage – the custody of the kids, his connection with his ex wife, your connection with his children,your plans of having children, and many others. i know kids have certain needs, but if they think they always comes first, kids becomes very egocentric as adults, so the best you can do, is stop comparing love. dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? so he done the right and loving thing and rubbed me for few days off and on. i cant decide whether something will switch with him coa he loves me or i being naive and would never be able to do this for life. i don't see you evil crones going out there and telling people your unfortunate experiences all in one giant blast. thing to do is make questions to him, so you can have answers you can make your decision or just to have clearly an idea what s going on, because as women we think too much and we build your perfect life in our head but men , they do not do the same….” he answered your questions and you two found out you were on different pages?.i pay the rent clean and cook most of the time cause she works longer hours than me . people (in most cases) use their children as scapegoats to halt their happiness and true life fulfillment. for any typos i am upset and typing this on the phone. my fiancé still wants to marry me & be with me and says he accepts my unborn child. ages with the kids ranged from 6 months to 17 years old..I am dating a 50 years old amekcan and i am 26 years old filipina from philippines. he’s obviously been very careless, and leopards rarely change their spots. i am in a similar situation and feel completely lost as to what to do. you may be suffering with low self esteem and that takes quite a while to retrieve (men do no cure low self worth i’m afraid. yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. and god knows i love this man and i so dearly wish circumstances would have been different. if i grow close to the kids so be it but i’m not trying to play daddy to kids that have a living one that they still see. i knew he had a child from beggining and i didn’t really think about it thinking we only meet for couple of drinks, be friends. its like one stupid circle :( anyone feeling like me or am i not normal? i have meet my boyfriends children and used to be around them a lot. so does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy? try and toughen up for your child’s sake if you can’t do it for yourself right now. i’m just figuring out how to be the best mother i can be to my 3 and now i have to figure out how can we make his mess a better situation. love for you and his kids are equal, but different. wasn’t i the same person who vowed to never date a man with a child? stay away about it keep you position as his/her friend , do not try to be a step mom/dad just enjoy with him/her what you concern and you’ll see with time with out doing anything they will want you on the placed. thing happens to me the wife is a horrible b**** and the 16years old son is a f**** and the second is acting innocent but f**** lazy now i am left with all the responsibilityand blames because i cannot do the g**** mothers job. i’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do, i love them but feel resentment creeping in which is so not me. don’t know what i should do because every time i try to talk to him about it, it turns into a huge fight. posted: 7/4/2007 5:13:35 am people need to grow up and realize that it's not selfish to want to be loved by your partner. long story short, she never registered their 5 year old son into school because of many unreasonable excuses. if so, then that’s not committed relationship and i don’t want a man who bids stuffs from me. i have met his family couple times but his parents never spoke about our engagement or anything. its really hard to accept coz he wasnt straightforward about it. but every time he got his hopes up and hopped in the car she would change her mind. ive not been on the pill since 2011 and suffered a miscarriage with him in our first year together, i was devestated (still am) but when i told him i was pregnant he was supportive but wasnt happy and hinted towards an abortion! there, well heres my story i was with this guy for 7 years and he cheated on me and got the girl pregnant, when i found out about it i broke up with him on the spot, haven’t spoken to him in 2 years since the break up. he thinks that i should be helping him with that and i barely have time to rest my body. what i read here, and from other website, and from real life,…. there are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. anyway, he had broken the order to see his kids and was “in hiding” as such… the day after we became an item, he handed himself in and did his 4 month sentence. he crys for everythng, if his dad kisses me he jumps on him and doesnt leave his lap. just feel so low and empty without him and felt really hurt when i tried to explain that i miss him and he told me to take up a new hobbie like yoga! fresh better man without kids and crazy ex wife is the way to go ! about to turn 19 and i know how it feels to be young and thinking about life…like am i doind the right choice? life doesn't end when children are born, and the second half of a relationship shouldn't feel left out. teaching him to read and write and manners and everything you need to do is exhausting on a spiritual, mental and emotional level.. i was sooo thankful but only to find later he blamed me for his bad wrist and for rubbing me…. get out of this toxic relationship and find someone with no luggage like yourself to have a family.: 6/19/2007msg: 3view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? please do talk to him and try tomske him understand how you feel. i’ve almost left many of times because of how bad everything gets, it’s his baggage but yet is put on me and is making my life hell. have 1 child and my boyfriend has 6 kids and in the beginning of our relationship he lied saying he has 5 kids. girl pls i’m good but my question is should i stay knowing i do not want my child to be second is it wrong that i’m being to straight forward with him but i do need to say something about his kids …. and really i love the kids and they love me(even tho we had a hiccup when the mother briefly tried to turn them against me) but after 2 years of this i can honestly say that i did not plan my life with a career and wait to have children to be last place in someone’s life. 1 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)so i was married to a man who had a child. see… another thing with dating someone who has a child is this… something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously. we can barely make ends meet with our own two kids so the thought of having primary care of our 2 kids plus their 2 kids seems daunting & only adds to my resentment towards him for bringing so much baggage to this r/ship. we dont go out on dates we dont sleep alone we dont cuddle, we cant even have sex without getting interrupted. while we were dating we would go to her grandmothers house for a few hours and see his daughter because he didn’t have custody. difference is that i’m a man in the same scenario with a woman and her kids. when you needed them the most, they will abandon you and choose his ex wife and kids instead (well, at least a good man will do that, a man that abandon his kids is not a good man end of the day anyway, what a dilemma) stay away from this dilemma and drama and complication – life is too short to have all this drama from his crazy exes and kids dramas…. in 2 years we have been on numerous trips together, talks about marriage and starting a family, buying another home, trips with the kids. and i don’t want to end up as a single mother with a child having his father living with a different woman elsewhere. one month later by chance one of the teenagers mentioned she had a brother and sister in addition to the three girls living in the house. im an introvert by nature and sometimes being around kids or even their parents fills me with needless but annoying anxiety. this guy is very much ‘damaged goods’ and a lot of women had the best of him before you came along. he was an amazing man gave me everything i wanted and needed, expressed to his family and everyone else that i was his woman and to respect me. what lies is your man believing from his baby mama or ex wife that could affect your life? i’ve met her and she’s a sweet kid although a bit spoiled and annoying at times (as most kids probably are, i guess). no childfree woman should settle for a man with kid(s). i have 3 children 1 who is by him and the other 2 he came into their lives when they was just 1 and 2. during this time he has had his highs and lows and i have tried to support him, console him, councel him and be there for him in everyway possible. now that he called to see the child she agreed bur demands that i do not go with. make yourself feel the outsider, and to behave so ridiculously will get you nowhere.: 10/11/2006msg: 8when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? my needs, wants and feelings are always last and when i hear his bm call and demand things and literally see him scramble to make them happen, while telling me that i have to wait cuts deep. i understand i have 2 kids of my own and one is his, but his other 2 that he has by his ex wife they are terrible and he doesn’t discipline them. the key part is that you have to sit down with him and talk about it. but after a while we started dating and i found out it was the most funny, loving person, the person that i always have something interesting to talk about., i agree with the person who talks about preference… just like we make our decisions to date someone based on looks, gender, financial status, education, etc.’s having to jump through legal hoops, which i am happy to support him in doing, but i have no time for his kids. i would never say my kids or husbond comes first, but the family comes first. make a list on paper of things you want in a man (then see which are not negotiable). domand me to be with his kids at all times otherwise . he also has a problem with impotens and although he says he wants kids i feel like he says this to please me. but i feel uneasy with the fact that he will be in regular contact with the woman who has ruined our happy time. i was enjoying this at first but six months in the relationship he made it clear that he does not want any more kids as he cant cope. when i first got into the relationship i was willing to do whatever to be with this man.. he is now working in a factory making about 190 every week full time i think that this process will fall back on me financially, and emotionally. am a 39-year-old, never-married woman dating a divorced man with one 8-year-old son. cant findthe guts to leave, but i have said that we need some time apart because its making me so depressed even my best friend and parents are concerned as they know im not happy, but its hard to walk away i mean we have a joint account, live together. i’m so not a fan of comparing and noone should tell anyone to choose between either kids or girlfriend/boyfriend/husbond/wife, for me its like i have to choose between my mother and father, and i would not! a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates. i asked the eldest to help me put away groceries and he burst into tears and threw a tantrum. i have, and always will treat my step-kids with love and kindness. it is rewarding if you can handle but it requires so much effort and time… you have no kid. they dated for a year after she got pregnant, so that just lets me know they did share some time together, and i just couldn’t stomach the possibility of does having a child together and possibly breaking up. but if you can’t, then leave– because you, him, and the child deserves to be happy. lot of women like being doormats i’ve noticed…the ones in their 20s and 30s. need to grow up and realize that it's not selfish to want to be loved by your partner..he gave up his marriage ( even though he was really unhappy with it, he was just with his ex for the kids. now i hate her, hate the kids, my son is lacking attention because i hate the girls and prefer to hide in my room when they are here…i’m heavily pregnant and hate my life…find yourself a “fresh” man. and unfortunately, it was just like i thought– something that i didn’t want in my life even though the guy was wonderful! i do not have kids, and am not looking to have any soon. if you get attached to this baby and one day the relationship ends for whatever reason, you won’t see her again because you’re not her mother and therefore don’t have any rights to her. people who already have kids and they are not together with the child’s parent deserves someone to be with as well, no matter if kids are involved.: do you even know how upset and even angry i get when i constantly have to read that so much of what is considered for medical treatment is. the man doesn’t want to divorce her because he doesn’t have to, you are putting up with it. i would think about them having sex together, being in the delivery room together, thinking about baby names, and forever having to talk on the phone in front of me about the child. there are many men with kids that seek out childless women because it’s easier for them. he says he’s happy about me possibly being pregnant, and i would love nothing more than to have a child, but i’m kind of scared. we have spent almost all our time together at my place i have no kids currently working on a m. you start getting closer and closer to the person you’re attracted to typical without the involvement of said children. we couldn't go because he didn't want to go a full weekend without seeing his son. i was saddend about what i heard from him so i am asking for an advice on what to do. i got snipped at 29 (had to beg the major because i have no spouse or children), just turned thirty, and i am on the last leg of my air force career. i think it was before when her dad was in the shower i asked her if she was okay, and why is she acting different towards me this weekend, but you know kids, “i’m not” what do you mean bs…. he doesn’t want more kids because it was a horrible experience both times with his ex. ok i understand that i knew he had kids off top matter fact when he told me he has kids i acted like i cared but that low key send me the other direction i already told him in loosing interest in him because he asked i answer truthful no lies i was like yes i wanted to tell him its because he has kids but i wasn’t so truthfuly because i know that would make him feel some type of way like are all women gonna think like this….
Dating a man with kids books
he is not working and i feel like i am being unfairly. me…i’ve been thinking many things about my relationship (started when i was 18 and he was 23—last year lol)… we have different religions and many other things that try to tear us apart…but we keep on trying to make this work. age man sadness: elli, i haven’t heard from you in a couple of days and i’m worried. she planned trips(around the world), fed them, took care of them, bought them everything they needed, and treated them like they were her own , even took them in when the biological mother became a drug addict, and they always found a way to make her feel like the step-mother. when she isn't talking her family to death, you can find her eating her way around trinidad and writing about it..her bm mother has cancer and not long to live,and he wants to wait until she dies to take some money from there. one year was somewhat in long distance relationship as we only see each other once a month but after a year, i moved with him and currently living together. the same way that single father might reject a woman too skinny, too short, too fat, without blonde hair, bad teeth, etc……. sit with these questions, allow others to arise, and be brutally honest with yourself in answering them. i wish i could support him but it’s hard for me to drive there with him and then not have his attention at all. but if that single father kept putting his past first as priority like listening to his ex wife and following the ex wife commands like a puppy, then it will fail for sure and then it will leads to animosity towards the kids eventually because you see your partner’s ex wife face on the kids. i can’t do much about that cause they aren’t really mine. after i had a chat with him bout my feelings towards his kids…the next thing he does is go online to find other girls. before the kids are really not my issue, because they don’t live with him. there is nothing positive about a childless woman dating a single dad. girl is a wonderful kid,i love her and she loves me. dont pull that crap on a mate right off the bat and make them feel second rate or non included. what will your role with his three children be and what are your thoughts and feelings on that role? i suppose i am in a place where im not sure im cut out for this, ive never ever considered parenthood of any type, but i always did tell the universe that if i ever had kids i just wanted to skip the diaper stage for the love of god. i let my man move in with me, so i kinda still feel like this is my home more than yours(terrible), and it’s a one bedroom that can accommodate a kid less couple at best. from this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information..being dominant or close minded or "this is the way it is and thats that! i moved in as more of a friend and it changed into a relationship. cut a long story short, his ex has now abandoned their children, resulting in him having to move back to the house, and me being left in the place we’ve been renting. and it happens when they act this way believe me, i know! my parents always asked how come his parents don’t seem to want to talk about your engagement nor get to know us.`ve been with my boyfriend 2 years now,we`ve been living togheter almost from the beginning and i know his daughter (5) since then. i feel like a fool who is trapped in love but this love is thorny and hurts too much. my mother was just literally crying on the phone about how i am the “last man in the family who can carry on the family name. he had a messy break-up with his ex and she took custody of the children whom he has not been able to see for the past 3 years. all you clean living souls who haven’t accumulated this sort of bagage and do not intend to, you need to get out and find yourself someone with similar values..I am dating a 50 years old american and i am 26 years old filipina from philippines.,i’m currently in a relationship with someone who has 6 kids by 3 different women..when we talk about me want to form a family (baby)he said no that he has two already…but i don’t have none it ends up in a argument. he wants to work out our relationship and said that i should be more understanding. i only found out he cheated on my after 4 months he was in a relationship with the other woman. actually, he already have 3 childrens (18 years old twins and a 16 years old, all boys) from his previous wife. man who is now my fiancé, i met two years ago. if he was a real man he would show you that you come first!’m a father of two, my ex and i split after she cheated and decided that she wanted to be with the other guy. she is honored and humbled on a daily basis to be able to partner with people at such critical points in their unique journeys. now i been thinking i’m a young sexy fresh women that’s about to be 21 i was thinking i got alot ahead in life do i really want to help take care of his baggage i mean 3 kids is alot and then there older so that have a great understanding with there parents i really feel as if when i have kids in not gonna be first ugh every girl wants to be first frfr i mean all the things i looked up was young women don’t really wanna date a dude with kids…. i have found that if a man or woman want to commit to a relationship, they better damn well open themselves up to include the realtionship. i’m am trying to merge our families together but its so difficult due to him not having enough money to take care of his kids and take care of our house hold where he lives. if you are suppose to be #1 with your partner then you need to accept that he has a child and you need to understand and accept that child as your own and as having a part of your life. he is a good person, a good dad, successful and has a big heart but he doesn’t want to start a life with me. oh man… angie i am with you on that, i have a boyfriend i have been living with for three years and he has two kids two little girls and he lets them get away with everything. is that i find it hard to deal with is the amount of support he gives her i feel it’s way to much for the amount of time he has the kids he’s pays 800 a month she told the court that she’s on welfare and not working she’s a single mom of three kids but isn’t a single mom at all the man she is with lives with her and she also works under the table (i think) so i get annoyed that he get screwed over by her. i still feel bad for being soo sick that he feltso much i have left out. he keeps talking to her all the time how to change herself and etc. so i do put my feelings 1st, i have to right?.you always feel like he has a greater friend and you’ll never take that place. see… another thing with dating someone who has a child is this… something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously. noel, ms, lmhc, is a licensed psychotherapist living and working in brooklyn, new york. i’m trapped because i wanted this relationship so badly and now that i have it, i’m hoping that i can leave without too much backlash.?Because it is her i met, and her i love… not these kids… not this baggage, not this embarrassing life story that gets me judged for her fuck ups and baggage; not this life of being broke and stuck at home and having to miss out on being young and clubbing and travelling and living it up because there’s a 7 y.. he only saw his son once a month (due to differences with the child's mother) and i felt like there was no "competition". she loves me and is very keen to have me around; her mother is also a great person who makes things easy for me – she’s happily married so there’s absolutely no drama there – but i just can’t seem to be able to control a bunch of shitty emotions that keep flooding me. day my best friend saw him with a little girl outside of a mall and told me about that. to me girl, honestly, i can,tell that you care about the children and “their dad”, however you are too young to have to deal with that kind of responsibility on your part, as well as obvious irresponsibility as a speed donor/father.!Apologies for typos- getting very emotional and tears aren’t allowing me to see the screen properly…. seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. there is always something or someone before me amd i’m use to it just being me and my guy. i have too much invested in this relationship and i feel the children will rip us apart. he loves his kids he always talking about them but i find myself not wanting him to bring them up he hasn’t brought up the ex since i confronted him but ugh 3 kids if i date him and we get married in going to have to be a mother figure but hell it won’t be the same when i have my own thay gone notice that but i can keep going but i’ll stop.: 4/3/2007msg: 20when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? and let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit? the mother reached out to me, hoping she would get through to him. all the women that spout what you’re spouting are single mothers, lol. then i’m torn because i’ll lose her,And our things together and the home we’ve worked so hard to build together. by putting her feelings first is crucial rather than by putting his ex wife or kids feelings first, this is not moving forward, this is still living in the past. you fall in love or get into a relationship and bam! when the kids are older (especially daughters) they always see the girlfriend/step mom as competition. all you need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure you can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship. feel guilty for my feeling and thoughts but dont know how to deal with any of this…am i just being selfish? and i dont think he has plans to say it. when i get involved with stuff with the ex and kids and i voice my opinion on in he’s gets upset and tell me it’s not my business but it is my business if we are getting married and it’s effecting us like the child support he has troubles every month because of the amount he pays and i tell him to try to do something about it and he says he can’t and it’s an argument and i get upset i fine i don’t care i won’t try anymore. i would think about the fact that if i was out of town, would she come over and drop the child off and they may mess around or would their feelings get rekindled after forgiving and forgetting. you’re completely horrible individuals with no compassion, no conscience, and no decency. have with a man who has promised to leave his wife 7 years ago but still hsn’t something always comes up…what should i do……………. about 5 months ago i let go of my better judgement and started talking to him when we passed by each other in a corridor. i wish would have waited to have a kid by him but i didn’t know i love my our son with all my heart but this is something you really want to think about doing speaking from experience. will be many challenges and the occasional stress factors involved, but if he’s really worth getting to know… why not take a chance at something different?. my life is absolutely amazing now, just felt stupid to waste all these years, tears and money to find out it is not worth it ! now everything has changed and i have no idea of what to do. his daughter for example who calls him all day stays on the phone with him 24/7 even while he is at work, it gets very annoying so my advice to is take it slow and just think if you want a baby by this guy who’s not willing to give a baby do you want him to treat his kids better than the baby you and him will have together.. it’s almost a year into our relationship and i am acting as if its the first 2 months.. and how he wanna be with her again calling her so me being me i told him in a loud manner lol you can be with her i understand thats your childs mother now he talking about how he not going to do it again this and that whatever men say stuff thay know thay be lie about hehehe so i took him back jest because i said he tryna play me so imma play with him…. as the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’. if you don’t choose to stay in the relationship, you will likely need to have another kind of difficult conversation about why you are leaving the relationship. bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. go back to your stability, where your family and friends are. coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. my advice to anyone who’s considering dating a man with a child is to not totally rule them out, but know the whole situation before you get yourself into it. he was paying 800 in child support per a month, she doesn’t let us see their daughter and is always causing problems and controls every visit. i really wanted our relationship to work and that’s what i thought was best. it’s easy to point the finger and say that the childless have the issues, you never quite know until you walk a mile in our shoes. part of me wishes that if he wants to spend time with his kids (which is all the time), don’t call me. a child that he sees every other weeked (we live in nc and he drives to d. this is where it becomes difficult when a father has multiple kids – there seems in my experience there is quite different treatment between single mothers and single fathers and this increased with the number of children involved. they have 4 year old kid and whatever she demands my man is running to do it. you think it is appropriate for him to see his kids at her house?. so i stoped cooking and hoped he wauld atleast by himself the meet he wants to eat with the vegies… . i felt mixed emotions, like a clown juggling bowling pins and they each have a name: fear, excitement, irritation, love, uncertainty, trepidation…. feel like i can’t say anything to them cause they get all sentimental and angry at me. for daddy and baby, i have loved every minute i’ve spent with them. i have virtually spent everyday since the begining of our relationship rushing around after him to help him out and support him (as you do when you love someone…and im not saying this so that he does that for me because i do genuinly love him)…. maybe if i had children of my own the situation would not be so hard, but now i know its terrible to have to try and create harmony and peace in such a broken situation. i want kids of my own i have one but i want my own so how or can i ever be with a man who has 5 kids from three different babymothers please help. we spoke today and he told me a story about an issue with the kids mum but all i see is him being selfish and now im thinking i dont want that to ever be me. alas, i admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. i turned 40 this year and the time is pressing (which is why he initially suggested that i was putting too much pressure on him, he didn’t know it was going to be so soon). he used to answer yes, yes, & yes to his ex and run circles around until only recently when i said it had to change otherwise i’d leave. sometimes i sit and wonder do i want to take care of some kids that where born when i was still a child myself.? he got his kids and i was kicked to the curb?’m young an dating an older guy that has 2 kids and just got out of a 13 year relationship. also have one child and i said ohk no problem,time went by and i always asked him to be open and true at all times. as far as his children are concerned he is wanting to get custody of his youngest child (2) and i’ll be thrown into being a mother to his youngest and possibly the 4th child thats not here yet. dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. there is no discipline, they don’t have to do chores, the house is left a mess on the weekends they are here and they are allowed to use bad language etc with no consequences. of course custody and courts got involved, need less to say, he pays child support and the 2nd dad and mom got into a fight, he went to jail for a little while and now only has visitation for a few hours, he is working towards more though, good for him and doing what he is supposed to and at least i wont have to worry about the 2nd one right? i just know that i really really love him and this makes all the logic in the world so hard to accept. i had been a step-mom, to 4 children and didn’t see any issues. i will say that my love was very deep and strong for him and i was excited about a future of teaching him new things and being his “bebe” (bonus mom). what do i do and how do i do it? i was 18 then and maybe a little immature but i knew what i wanted and someone else’s kid was not one of those things. i do bring it up to him alot these days, i end up crying most of the time and he says he won’t not give me what i want. and stayed with just you …you need to find a single man that is going to love just you…some one like me 😉 if you know what i mean . now this february she calls and says that she is under a second investigation for child abuse and my bf has to go pick him up or else he would go into state care. relationships are hard enough without the added baggage of people you don’t even know, exes, ect. but laying there with someone, looking at them and saying "i love you" and their response being, "oh, i miss rian. he is a great father but has stated on many occasion that he wishes he could wake up with them every morning. i may not be the right one for him and i shouldn’t let his feeling persuade my judgement for my life. i’m not bitter towards her; i just thought about how i’d feel if i was in her situation. i love my partner… but the kids are driving a huge wedge now and causes fights because i have no say on any of it and im the bad guy. we started getting his son twice during the week and every weekend. you need to leave this man because you obviously want kids. relationships are hard enough work without learning to appreciate your free status. and i set boudaries for them as well and its okay! just pray about it and i’m sure things will work itself out. i was open from the beginning that i want children with the man a love, and it is my dream to had my family. she is learning to not take life too seriously and plan so much. i’m ready to settle down and have kids but we are never gonna have enough money and i’m never gonna have his full attention. i’m happy he only has one kid but i’m still miserable living doing everything for his kid and he won’t commit to having a family with me, like is it worth it for me to be doing all this nice stuff for his kid when he won’t have one with me. never wanted a man with alot of kids like that and i know i should break up with him but im already so in love with him but i cant get it right in my head about this. one question though, which is also the difference between my story and yours, would it have made a difference for you if your exs bm wanted absolutely nothing with him but to just have him see his child? i have no children and have been told by many doctors that there’s very slim possibility that i’ll ever conceive and have my own due to health issues.’s plenty of men in their 20s and 30s without children. so i have been dating this guy for 2 years he recently received custody of his 4 kids (8,7,5,2 yrs old) and an additional kid(1yrs old) that is not his but he is taking because she is the sister to his kids i love and respect this man for stepping up as a father. and if you have to sit there and compete with his child, or i should say feel like you have to then thereare some serious issues there. im scared he is with me mostly because i have some savings and knows i can financially help him, i don’t wanna have his ex wife in my life, i think she is partly responsible for the situation he in atm, i don’t wanna keep feeding someone’s child and be scared to have my own…i just don’t know what to do. think you’re still too young to tie yourself down to a man who already has so much responsibility in his life. we were in a long distance relationship, i in tennessee, and he indiana. but when i moved in with him, i found out from the letters that he is paying child support to a boy who is now 8yrs old.’m her first girlfriend, and i’ve been with hundreds of women. everyone is different and it is ok to want to be with someone that doesn’t have kids. i want his attention to myself, i want to be his priority and his focus to be on me, but of course kid trumps girlfriend any day of the week… i know that all too well, and that’s the way it should be. when he picks the kids up from the mothers home he doesnt ask me to come over and spend time with them, although when they stay over they love me to bits. when kids are in the picture, you have someone else's life to care for. the biggest issue we have is when disciplining the kids. i like her kids but i’m expected to love them and they are good kids but they are very moody and spoiled. now 9 months into the relationship am feeling the strain, i cant seem to cope, it hurts everytime i think of it, it makes me angry like why wouldnt he just use protection. like you didn’t have enough time to heal and him being on the picture just opens up the feeling of being part of something. this will be nothing to you but trouble and a headache. if you want to marry, that your prerogative; provided you are competent regarding your laws (state level) you can marry without too much risk if it doesn’t work out. and you have been replaced by the children you bring into this world. it will never turn out well for you in your position. you need to either find ways to be a family when his child is around you and incorporate activities that help you all feel included, or you need to walk away from the relationship and move onto men without children. you’ll be left high and dry just like the other women of this oaf if you have his kid. another man without kids, best feeling ever…coz you know you’ll finally have your own family. we broke up for about 4 months about 6 months ago… during that time i got pregnant with my ex boyfriends child… who i’m completely over & he was horrible to me and mentally abusive i did what i did out of basically very unstable mental state & no self asteem. she lied about being divorce and he stupidly believed her. do never comment good/bad about the kids problems your relationship is with him/her not with the kids. i sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (gno) one saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed. yes, he may love you and want to continue in being together nonetheless it is inevitable that he will make a choice. it’s hard to leave when your parent is damn near perfect and your best friend. and she expect's him to put her first before his child? people (in most cases) use their children as scapegoats to halt their happiness and true life fulfillment. only then will you make a wise decision and will “fight” for what you want. it’s very stressing for a man, to split his precious time for you, earning money and the kids, so i get it.
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Dating a man with kids problems better to leave now , it will be hurtful for a while but it will be the best for everyone especially yourself and your future kids :) good luck ! imagine he has and u won’t have because he doesn’t want….” according to here i have a “responsibility to my family, the black race, and the country” to marry and procreate. he is a veteran and has 2 kids, boy 13, girl 7 i dont have children which forces me to be a stepmother. i mean i’m inlive with him and i enjoy being with him. i have been with my current boyfriend for a year now and i love him very much. i am with a wonderful man and have been for over a year that has shared custody of his 2 kids (8 year old girl and 3 year old boy). he brings the kids over all the time they have a bad odor and their appearance it’s just sad. was shocked to see how they talk,he still calls her baby,love,they still share a car from time to time and he still keeps it up with~i don`t have anything with her` and that he does that only to get her money. you don’t want a single mom yourself because you don’t want her baggage, but you’re here trying to convince the sisters to take your baggage, go take care of your kids, etc. got no appreciation for the mills i cooked and paid for and he only paid 100 a week . on my 1st meet she was horrible kicking, throwing tantrums, tried to hit me a few times which dad noticed i was not having it (i don’t blame her , blame them for not teaching her manners). sometimes i wonder if leaving would be easier, but scare of being alone and lonely. he cancelled going out to dinner and he alienates me from he and his child. i began to get jealous that my mother-in-law had already gotten her first grandson, her first grandchild. we lately had a huge fight about it, he said he needed someone who saw it his way. yes and no don’t let him talk to you like that. i could go on and on with this and delve into the op's supposed issues around her partners child and how she changes the dynamic and her anger doesn't help but there isn't enough space and you won't read my post if it's too long meh. cause you’re not going to spoil your kids then hold mine back because of guilt or not display nature affection cause you don’t want to hurt your kids. he was divorced 3 years ago and we are 1 year in a relationship now. are you willing to be second (or last) because the “ex” will always be in the picture somewhere and the kids (as they should be) should come first. soon after i moved in he confessed that he had been contacted by a one night stand claiming he was the father of her 2 year old child but worse that she contacted him 4 months before we met. if he is busy i go out of my way to change my work, or plans to accommodate her. i am on phone so i will get on my computer tomorrow and type it all out. a boyfriend who i really love he had a kid with his ex girlfriend i love both the kid and the father but the problem is his ex she keeps sayin she wont allow her kid to be raised by a step mom neither does she want to raise her kid without his biological dad what i got pregnant last month but had a miscarage i really love this guy what do i do? now it’s him even brining up the mom and daughters name that pushes me on the edge.?Graykissesjoined: 12/11/2005msg: 7when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? this past and these kids and these fucked up stories got slammed on me. that situation and not sure he is considerate enough of other peoples feelings to make it all work. posted: 7/4/2007 4:29:11 ammaybe if you had / have kids you would look at the situation differently. love my bf very much and he loves me even more than that. don’t be silly and foolish, it won’t work ! i just can’t get over he gave her everything even though he apparently didn’t even like her (she got pregnant the first time they had sex and gave him an ultimatum relationship or never see your child so he tried to make it work for kid and even gave her a second child) i’m crying all the time and hiding it from him. he has two kids by two different women, and he talks about his ex-wife all the time. i feel so insecure, unstable about us coz i think he’s having a change of heart and look at knowing his boy because he is envious about his brother who has a kid. then i told him i would stay because he is my bestfriend and i cant imagine life without him. i am in a very similar situation and constantly arguing with my boyfriend as he doesnt see that it is hard for me with the 2 kids and their relationship and feelinf lwft out and boundaries and decision making etc but i jst get told i have to accept he has 2 kids and thats that. dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first?’m 24 years old i have a man 30 years old that has two kids with someone else i have accepted that and accepted all the baggage that comes with it, he has the kids half the time it the deal they made in court and he also pays his support to her which also is agreed on in court and his ex isn’t really a nice person she’s just wants all his money and always tries to control him or tell him things and complain about the stupidest things like for example i took the kids to get there hair trimmed and she complained about it says that it’s her thing and blah blah i’m not their mother and next time he needs to tell her when i want to do things with them. ex husband gets in touch he’s having more mc’s and it might be his fault. im unsure about moving forward in our relationship or even moving in. so, if you are unhappy and your needs aren’t being met the best thing you can do is leave. that happen bc the mom, being immature and ignorant, started dating this guy who didn’t want my man in her life or his daughter. the sad thing is that i do care about him. swallow my sorrow and keep waiting for him to marry me, trusted him, and put up a lot of things. the next weekend came and she agreed for him to pick him up but since she saw me in the car she started banging on my windown and demanded for him to bring the kid back. i have 2 kids myself a 1 year old and a 6 year old i mean i like his kids but when he brings them they leave apartment nasty, they don’t clean behind themselves and he just sit there and don’t say anything sometimes he leaves and when i do say something to his kids he has a problem with it. it very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. sometimes i feel like he always put them first because of their situation with their mom and it makes me feel jealous sometimes because he don’t give our son that much attention as he gives them. become so sick with kidney thing and needed to rest . this guy seems to be a liar and an irresponsible father. i was happy cause this make me think he does really love me and want to marry me. i bought a house with this man, a beach house and can find no peace in it because his son face times his mother all the time. everyones stories and comments has made me want to share my experience. was it a one-night stand situation with an old flame? she loves to talk as much as much as she loves to write, and is currently pursuing a degree in media and communications. posted: 7/4/2007 4:32:52 ami agree with other's about a) you being selfish and b) you needing to date guy with no children. your comments and seeing the way people think about marriage, divorce, and children, is exactly why i have opted out of this game. he doesn’t see them often, but as our relationship goes, i just really realized all the disadvantage of him having kids. i hope you can work it out in the name of love girlfreind! i feel all kinds of insecurities though… but when i think about if my bf has ever given me a reason, i can’t think of any besides the fact that he left her and only a month later met me while she was still trying to work things out with him. lease is coming to an end and we have found a new, bigger place to live. i finally had enough and told him that i am very jealous, i’m resentful and i’m fed up! despite all these facts and despite the fact he was really into me, i backed away. she is very grown, smart, mature and beautiful, unfortunately she’s been told too many times. i would always be in competition and somehow, feel inferior in some way. i’ve had a couple of relationships over these 4 years but never managed to get over my feelings for him, even though strictly speaking nothing had ever happened between us… but i always felt this almost palpable tension every time we were near each other. my parents took care of me and made sure i had what i needed, but not at the expense of creating a life for themselves that was completely devoid of relationships with other human beings. he let all 4 of them sleep in bed with him at night and i was put on the couch! i have an adult that i raised as a single parent and as a result she has no children and a college degree. i’m not sure whether this will work out for us or not, but for those considering it, i will honestly say that all of the things that made me stay away from these situations have proven completely valid.. kids are bad nah really i was a kid once so i remember the feeling when you a kid and your up in age you remember alot more then you would while your an adult……. my biggest complaint in our relationship amongst everything is that when we are in an argument he makes me angry then he comforts his kids as a safety net and i have no one to comfort me its unfair and unjust. she talks down to me and it pisses me off so bad, and pisses me off more that i can’t do anything about it. just this last week they moved out of our home back with their mother, who live with her mother, at 38. baby’s mom left them to go back to her life of leisure. and didnt like my ex spending time with his son who he hadnt seen for months before. care for her and love her, but i hate hate her life and baggage. i know my ex did not purposely try to make me feel that way, but the circumstances of the situation would not change, and i would always feel insecure in some way. i’ve given him so much of my life, we met when i was 21 and i’ve got so much invested into our life. dealing with step children and partners exes is no walk in the park – so if you are questioning yourself and they’re still young i’m sorry that today and in the future it won’t get any easier….“no excuse for rejecting men just because they have kids”. my husband wants a child with me but i’m scared first off being mom number 3 feels kind of scummy … secondly he’s paying for 4 and while it’s not a lot and they are in their teens it is still things i wouldn’t have to deal with . it’s so hard to think about not being with him. we met 4 years ago and there was instant chemistry from the get-go. i’m so good to him and his daughter, i go out of my way to make sure they are taken care of. but it was a paradox, because i had to love her child and care for her child, and therefore love and respect her. i love him so much, and i can imagine myself being with him forever..ive experienced first hand on what a female like this can do to a family. i have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. i work 3 days a week and still do all of these things. i remember thinking, “please don’t cry if i hold your hand”. don’t want to be selfish i am sorry but seeing him with his kids it hurts me a lot. live together and we are now engaged i love the kids with all my heart and soul i treat them like they are my very own but i can’t help but feel that i am second best in his eyes i know this sounds bad and his kids come first like they should but i also feel like i should be coming first to seeing as i’m going to be his wife. the children are starving for attention from anyone so they constantly fight, trash the house and perform badly in school. i have started to recent all this, and i try not to be are owned when the kids are in, i am in constants pain when observing his love for them, and i can’t stop thinking of the lack of love for our ‘unborn child’. i could do it all again i’d find someone without kids and have a very happy, much easier and more fulfilling life… no mattwe what you do for those step kids, you’ll never get the same recognition for it, and it will never be the same as if they were your own. is… there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. my bf, is an only child and has zero friends, other than maybe 2 co-workers that he talks to, when at work. this oldest child still holds a lot of baggage even without a dad in the picture; plus the youngest was still around when we very first got together.! you are young and you need to find someone with no kids and start your life together. he tells me all the time how much he hates his ex and i know he does but i always wonder what he is thinking and why he doesn’t want anything with me. all women aren’t the same and not every ex will bring drama or real ‘tote’ because of her ‘child fadda’s’ present relationship.’s constant stress, courtdates, guilt trips and another woman calling your man alllll the time!’ve been dating this great boy for about four months. i seem to not be able to get past this… i feel unhappy & horrible bc i wanted my first child with the man i want to marry…. i do agree with you in part when you are being intimate and expressing feelings that he starts talking about his kid. hurts me too that he has a little baby son…i’m so jealous every time she sends him pictures and he feels bad for not being there for his sons. he goes out over the weekend and sleep in with his mates. she gets pregnant and desises not to tell him until she is three months pregnant. after a while i started feeling like theres always that one person the first, more important, started feeling like thats the only thing he cares about and as i don’t have my own child it started to get worse and worse. the others will be 15, 16 and 18 so they can travel and visit during holidays and other times ( they never really bother with him now ) … i’m 36 if i am going to have a child i need t get in with it but to be mom number 3 gives me a crappy feeling … i don’t want to hear in being sfish blah blah as all of you on here with no kids could understand this is hard. all of the comments and questions, on here, has really helped me! he was still married and had a 11 year old son. i am so jealous when he is specially with his daughter, sometimes he says something nice to her as he used to say to me, i just get crazy, but obvious i don’t tell him, cuz i know it s his daughter, and it is all in my mind. it is clearly and impasse, and am very frustrated by it….. knowing dam well i don’t want his baggage i mean 3 kids that’s not mine boy pls you better take them to the person that held them for 9mon and understand thay butts because i don’t have kids i mean i like that he is a very good daddy to his children i jest don’t wanna be second to no women like she can be like that’s why u got my leftovers or something like that like you right ugh i do and to kids you winning sista yes you are now she got a boyfriend herself thay been dating almost a year now…… but i like he a good daddy it shows how he would treat my kids but i hate he already has kids like dude don’t nobody wanna take care of kids that not there’s hell i can’t deal. he took her under her wing and raised her like “his own”. we’ve had a whirlwind romance, fell totally in love with each other and moved in together in that time. she better not put less into our kids because of guilt. my opinion,Marishka1001joined: 2/15/2007msg: 14when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? we ended up back together and he stopped seeing the kid for a good amount of months..that would no kids and you are the priority, wish you the best! she 100% knows exactly how i feel about this and doesnt want me to leave, ever. will be many challenges and the occasional stress factors involved, but if he’s really worth getting to know… why not take a chance at something different? the worst thing is that b%tch had a one night stand with another man that she knew online and got herself another kid and push that responsibility to him as well and he is happily to suck that up because again she used that man and hoping to get herself pregnant to keep that man ! i too, wanted to leave because i really find the kids annoying. when i met him and before any type of “dating” begun, he told me that his girls live with him and they are his 1st priority! i think the problem with a lot of people is once they have children they don't exactly know how to integrate soemone new in their lives and their own guilt for whatever reason (usually around the child having only one parent) gets in the way of them being happy.’m from germany and got to know my husband one year ago. i don’t know what and how i can tell her about my other child. i’m 20 about to be 21 in may of 2015 i have been dating my 31 year old boyfriend he has 3 kids (10. no one cleans and he just sits on the couch, on his phone watching tv with them, daily. and though i’ve never thought much about income when dating, i will tell you that a regular job is not enough if there are kids and you want there to be extra money for going out. he has a woman in her 30s living with him on the nights and weekends he doesn’t have his kids, lmao.. if you are a woman without kids, don’t be so stupid to get involve with a man like this … it will destroy your whole life ! my ex after two years of dating me didnt know he was still married to the baby mama, he was the primary parent and was recieving child support, be a day in hell that i will date a man paying out child support lol, i eventually left because our relationship couldnt survive that blow, unfinished business. and goaljoined: 6/6/2007msg: 18when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? see how it goesjoined: 8/12/2006msg: 22when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? well a couple of day ago he got results back from the dna test and it said that he is the dad. a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates. he is not right for u, you think about yourself, yoir life . we would play action figures and have a blast every time we were together, because i wanted to make sure he knew i loved him. focus on sorting yourself out first…the rest will come to you when/if it’s meant to. men are like that – they are always looking to be mothered, and i genuinely believe many don’t feel that ‘in love’ feeling that women do. i get along great with the child, she enjoys my company and trusts me. i just sometimes feel guilty for not being more understanding, but strong because sometimes i feel like i am handling it well. before we started dating he told me he had a 6 yr old son from a woman he had a relationship with a long time ago. and whenever we wanna go out i feel guilty because he doesn’t afford anything anymore. i’m now filled with so much resentment that i feel that there is nothing left to do but break up. could not agree more with your statement about step parents being scapegoated and never actually being viewed as good. now knowing me i don’t like the sound her still getting bread from my dude but i understand that its suppose to be for the kiddos…… yea whateva the kids don’t get what that really need when i see them that look a mess hair everywhere clothes that need new ones and that have dirty faces like boogers and other kinds of ugh moments from kids now knowing all these kids should have some training about their hygiene no matter how old they are i get along with the kiddos but i hate thay always bring up momma said or mama did i be like who gives af what mama said or did i talked to him about how i feel about his baby mama i told him i don’t like her and they shouldn’t be talking that long to each other its not that much you can talk about kids the hole time at first i was like i’m not gone say nothing because that is his kids mother but i went thru his phone and he texting like thay still around so i went off and broke up with him because home girl right here (me) don’t have to put up with that now he was throwing all kinds of how he got the second job and how he gone have her straight with this new money coming in…. the kids will grow up and not want to hang out with him one day so why does his whole life have to be about or work around there schedule why can’t he live his own life as well as be a great dad like he is and maybe i’m a bad person for saying that but i just feel like he evolved himself all around them and doesn’t do anything that he wants because of the kids i worry if he will he even be as excited as me when we have a baby together he has too girls right now and i know how he wants a boy so bad but what if i have i girl im scared if i give him something he already has it will not be an exciting time for him as it will me someone please help i feel quite lost. how would you feel if you were in a situation where you had a child with someone and then split up and he got another gf and she was the way you are with your child? i started dating a man, we both fell in love. i hate myself for feeling this way and saying these things. this means he thinks he is superior and his child is too. am feeling the exact same and he doesnt seem to get it and the kids adore me and i an goin to miss seeing his youngest on his first day at school because once again we have fallen out and arent speaking. i feel left out, alone and wanting to just run away and never look back when i’m with the two of them.. find a man that has no children & start your own journey together. he didn't want to chance his son walking in the bedroom and seeing us laying in the same bed togetherthey were married ! naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out. i have waited longer than i am going to wait to get my kids! im currently interested in a guy and we are stuck on a plataeu because of his child that i would one day meet. when i ask him about what he promised, he says it is because that b**** doesn’t pay her half. takes courage to express your true feelings and if there is nobody there to hear them and do something about them,than it`s not worth it. and to know that i am the one really sacrificing to make this work gives me knots in my stomach! we been together for two years im in love with, but he have 5 kids. this makes the smoke less hazy and keeps me going. so many articles or blogs online say avoid dating someone with children, its not worth the drama. the 18 year old, thinks she’s “daddy’s princess” and wants to be treated as such! have read numerous articles and comments about beinging in a relationship with dads when you are child free and this is my 1st time in this situation and i can tell you that i have never felt so insignificant exhausted with a relationship in my life! he has seven children by five different women with the two youngest being very young in age and have the same mother. this past week he ask if she could i had to be clear on his intentions and why..but she has got everything now and he is in debts. knew exactly what they were thinking, as i spoke about my newfound love interest, and him bussing the file that he had a kid. i’ve only had to realize it wasn’t for me, not a young beautiful, 22 year old with a degree and a bright future. just started seeing this guy who has a 2 year old son, i was very very hurt at the start, all i could think of was the mother of his son, i adore him, and his son, but the mother just makes me feel so small lol . i think there are times when you do need to do things as a “family” with the kids involved. if you have a good support system in place ie: family and friends, then you should have an abundance of sitters for when you need some "you" or "couple" time.
Dating a older man with kids you are single, with no kids, and younger than 30, total ally honest, leave. enjoy your life and treat yourself the way you’d want your future children to treat themselves. i have 6 year old son and he has 2 kids by his ex wife 8 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. is… there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. i really want to know is if it worked out for you? his ex girlfriend is always giving him grief about pathetic things just to start an argument over texts. then one day out of the blue the 6th kid which is his first born showed up at my house looking for him. i wanted to get marry and have my own family, my own kids with him. i also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. doesn’t call or communicate unless my bf reaches out to see his son. i don’t want to leave, but i want a family of my own and harmony with those around me. i’m 22 and i have a 19 18 years old girlfriend,And i also have a daughter… i love my girlfriend so much, and i hope she doesn’t leave me just beacause i have a daughter from another girl. i just don’t feel that it’s right to expect half for everything, but if i am home alone with the kids i can’t ask them to help with chores- or if they are fighting tell them to stop. you know… trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable. you’re too good for it and there’s plenty of fish in the sea. i am in this situation and it is not a good feeling trying to get out of this i mean i love this guy with all my heart but at the end of the day i love my kids and myself first i didn’t settle for this, i knew he had kids but i didn’t know everything was going to be like this in my situation i learned the hard way. it might be a good idea to partner with a therapist who can facilitate a thorough exploration of these issues and support you in the process. shes only 20 years old and obviously didnt learn from her first experience. lost his phone and i gave him one of mine. i know i wanna be with him forever and i know he wants that too but i dont think i will ever be ok with him having a kid with another woman. he asked and insisted to know why until i told him ” i don’t and cant be with you because you have a daughter, am not built for it and it would be unfair to her if i were to come around and ignore her or not want to make her my priority”, plus i didn’t tell him this but i simple felt like i couldn’t love his daughter , like she was going to be a constant bother in our relationship. if not, you have your child and not one child and another half-sibling (sorry to be blunt, but that’s just the way it is). it was not easy for me, i still love him today and get weak in the knees when i spot him. we are there we are staying at his parents house with the kids and his mom always wants him to sleep with the kids( they are 4 and 6) so they can sleep alone very well. like i said, many more single people have children now, and, while some people have strict rules about wanting someone, who may be like them, single and childless, dating a single parent isn’t akin to the plague. i only told her that i have one child, but didn’t tell her about the other child, a 5 year old boy, my first born. and i am still blaming myself because i didnt want him to reck my brick pavers by parking his 4 will drive truck into my back yard… . says i should enjoy life, enjoy the day…but i think about future. things don’t have to be this complicated and i don’t want them to be. he, nor his life will ever be enough for you, and you shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve..me and her have a pretty good relationship but sometimes argue . in my case its not a matter of him having a child or children but its a huge culture shock going from single and free to ‘stepmom’ of x number of kids. cant stress enough how much i love him he is asking that i move in with him and help out we have been wanting a place together but up until now i never knew it would include 5 small children. is better than your country, but you can still borrow its mantra. i love my bf so much and im trying to be the best mother figure i can be but i feel like i am losing myself every day. this would make me baby mama number 2 and i’d have to be in her shoes. i didn’t think twice about the fact that he had a child at home when we first met while he was in tennessee for school. people who are acting as a man is a criminal for having children are no better than those people who crap on single mothers.), and if you don’t live with him, even better. for the original author, if you cannot handle that he has kids and it isn’t for you, then it isn’t for you. i feel ready for a baby, however when i mention it to him theres always excuses about paying off debts before hand (which makes sense) but i think hes just making excuses as hes scared that if we were having a baby and his ex found out that he would get access on his days off to his current kids. he’s also moody as his daughter and i dunno wat to do with that. wants me to just deal with it and stick it out, because she moved for me and got rid of her kid to come here to be with me. you are special and he needs to understand that someone can take his place easily. during our long distance either he would come and see me or me him for two whole years. i get to see him on the evenings of his random days off and a small break everyday at work before he has to go to his own job. we socialize with her because we have to for the sake of his ten year old and she seems nice enough but he is bitter because she has a new husband and another kid. i’m not ready for kids but i have to play a role in there lives but i’m not there dad, they have one. really, raising someone else’s kids is hard and he won’t have the financial ability to support you if you get sick or to contribute to any kids you have with him. i have absolutely no children and do not want any until i am 30 years old. its like he will have 2 competing relationships and feed the one and starve the other, it is only normal for a father who loves his children that he will invest in those kids more because they are his flesh and blood. i do love her, but it also makes me sad to be around them knowing he doesn’t want a family with me and it bothers me that he tells her im your dad, i made you, it’s just something you don’t say to your child in front of your girlfriend. you have no idea of all of the things that you have to give up, and it seemingly never ends. billion people on earth, and according to pew research, center for disease control, and business weekly, it costs ~0,000 for the average american to raise a child, college not included.: 3/25/2006msg: 16when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? and domand giving separate gift cards with my name on one… .. find another man who is ready to start a family with you…. the last note, my beautiful, amazing, mother-in-law got with my father-in-law when his kids were still toddlers , and those kids treated her like she wasn’t worthy. i’m not suggesting that you leave without a fight. i met him through an online dating site and we got together right away, and moved in three months later. without my family to help watch the kid i honestly couldnt do it. you will always be second place, and it will never feel like your family. i cook for them and clean and take him to school. its mental anguish, mental suffering, life is actually too long to face these fears, insecurities, and doubts on a daily basis. most likely he will slack with you and do enough to keep you straggling along. say that dating a man with kids can never result in a happy relationship is absolutely ridiculous. his kids wanted no part in it, and moved out. according to your response, a person shouldn’t question or reprimand children from a person that they are trying to marry or create a new family with.? i have no friends and put on weight since my miscarriage, dont feel pretty or confident anymore. you become a parent your wants and needs dont exist or matter anymore. has said that he was initially getting bad advice and the people he confided in told him to forget about it and that seems to be what he did, buried it to the back of his head. i have so much invested in this relationship and i can understand how your past catches up with you but i don’t want his kids to hate him and me and think i am the one keeping him away from his kids. know he has to be there for his kids and they are his first and main priority. i was looking at all these posts, how many of us here trying to find a right and hard decision to make. by court order, we get the kids every other weekend. i don’t know what to do anymore, i love him to much to leave him but being with him is so depressing because i think about how much i want to get married and have a couple kids. the calls and texts from the mothers of his children will not stop. it just seems as though it will never be enough, as the mother is a complete lazy “gold digger” and does nothing 4 her own children. if you do choose to stay in this relationship, it will be essential to be able to have difficult conversations with him about his children and how you feel about them, and about how they impact your relationship. posted: 7/4/2007 4:45:04 ammaybe once you'll have kids too, it will give you a hint on how kids comes first. their ages are 16, 14 and 12, so the kinds of punishments are taking away computer useage, cell phones and no extra activities. that’s her dad you have no control nor should that be a topic of discussion, but it was lol, so she did that had a baby with the new guy and stop letting his daughter see him, this lasted for about 6 mos. sometime i feel it hard to deal with her because she’s so petty about everything and i feel he shouldn’t have to deal with her petty things. i enjoy having them in my life, for the most part, and have had a positive impact on them. unless you seriously want to be 3nd or 3rd best, and listen to the reason that promises have been broken is because she has always, and continues to be a complete and utter p. i have no children and am no where near ready to be a step mom. his ex b%tch will ask for everything and he say yes to everything and i have to live with his kids 80% of the time ! the mothers of those kids, the kids themselves are obviously going to be a part of your life and your child’s if you stay. i often have trouble dicipling the children since my bf was always away on tours from the military, the children have developed bad habits and poor manners from their mother. ok but back to the story i really been thinking about dumping this man simply because of that……he has kids like i really can’t cope with that knowing if i have kids its gonna be my first and its gonna be his 4th child i really hate the sound of that its not gonna be a special to him as it is with me… he shared that moment with his ugly ass ex girlfriend that was together 11 years that’s along time he had his 1st when he was 20 so i’m 10 years older then his eldest child now its a catch tho me and him been dating for almost 2 mon now he already bringing up he want more kids before he 40 ok i lied and said well i don’t want kids knowing i do i jest hate that he has kids by this other woman ugh it drives me crazy i haven’t meet the girl yet face to face but i seen her like when he has the kids she goes to his house to get them ready for school because he gotta work child support eating him alive……. you’re always going to feel like the outsider in this relationship. there are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. told me that i can’t go to his house because he is an intelligent officer and i need to wait. you date a man who has a child, or prefer a single man without a child? this is kinda funny, i’m like little girl your mom can’t compare to me… but when her and i do stuff she always finds away to bring up her mom, so finally as us 3 sat on the couch and was talking and playing, i said something and she brought up her mother again, so i finally said what i’ve been wanting to: “stop trying to compare me an your mom”, her father agreed and let me continue, i explain what compare meant, and then said loud im not your mom (oops,) her facial expression changed that probably hurt her feelings a bit, but it’s true. they been there done that and even though i had that knowledge prior to hopping into the relationship, it doesn’t make it easier and i didn’t know how the kids would be. and the next day i told him i couldn’t be with him. family, my friends; even my landlord to our rental property all knew about the youngest and that she’s now gotten rid of her and doesnt see her… but then she just left her behind and stopped calling her and the grandparents that she lives with (father’s parents) dont bother with my girlfriend as they have obviously just gathered she’s a shitty excuse for mum and doesnt care. you’re right, it is incredibly hard to leave right now but at the same time i am feeling disconnected from the relationship more and more each day. my advice is if you can handle that situation then work it out, if it bothers you then just leave that person alone if you cannot fully invest yourself. possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband. don’t think anyone wanna be with an evil stinky woman like her. although the kids know me as “daddy’s friend” we have an okay relationship, although i don’t know if you can count that. so basicly he took financial care of his son and she needed to get things for her new place to live. also, you should be happy that this man puts his son first! because she wants to be loved and respected by a partner whom she has devoted herself to? i recently lost my nina and we were really close and my stuff i have left of her was ruined. their daughter is starting to look like her mom and he always tells her she is so beautiful and i understand it’s his daughter but it makes me feel weird because of how much she looks like her mom. today is that thanksgiving in america and it couldn’t be more awkward. don’t get along with the eldest and she makes my life harder by constantly having her boyfriend over and never talking to me or helping out. boyfriend tried hard to stay with me, however i know it is because his daughter prefers stay with her mother and he needs me. i’m in my mid 40’s, no kids, living independently and have a good job. i would think about me constantly being in competition with this woman, because i always have to appear as the better partner, better mother, better looking, better cook, better everything. this has meant that i have not been able to see him as i usually would do and even for my birthday- he just spared me 2 hours (which hurt a lot as i had the day planned for us to go away)… i totally understand the dynamics of things would change with his children returning, however i had no idea that i would literally be shunted out of the picture with virtually no forwarning…i just feel like an outsider, like a peice of rubbish…i have no intention of competing with a child and i am genuinely happy from the bottom of my heart that he has access to his children and they are re-storing their lost years and relationship…but i feel really hurt and feel of no value now that all his time is being taken up by them…. been dating this guy who has 3kids but 2 different babymommas, i meet him by his second babymomma she had invite me to her baby shower & 1st birthday but i didn’t know that i would have my eyes on him,time pass by he send me a message by fb so i starting yo message him so i had ask him how is your babymomma he had said oh she there we broke up. a woman dating a man with a kid it depends with what do you want from that relationship,if he gives you attention,is always there for you makes you laugh,he treats you as the only woman in his life,gives you priority during decision making,supports you financially,he is a good guy worth to invest in,just agree on terms of conditions of dealing with his ex,as for me the ex is not to visit my house,or any family occasions,and in case there is an occasion that warrants her to be there like her son’s activities i wont attend that function,he is free to talk to her on phone and finally about property and money we have agreed on what her son takes and the rest is for mine and my kids. my ex is not around a lot and doesn’t cause us problems other then the situation. im more of a yoga, meditation, vegan gal and they are video games, meat and materialistic people. although, many family members and friends growing up and now, have that situation, but still, i never felt that it was for me or how i envisioned my family.. oh they already did cause his 13 years old daughter already started taking drugs and sucking men’s d$ck in the park and that b%tch rang on our first valentine’s day as husband and wife to break this news ! am married to a man that has 2 kids from two previous marriages. you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. i was in a relationship with a man with two kids. leaving all feelings aside, i would truly suggest for you to step back and look at the whole picture. should someone like myself who pays child support, love his kids, works hard, and loves his partner, bringing them into the family activities only as long as they feel comfortable really have it be said that others you (the general public) should stay clear? but i finally had to give up and realize i deserved better. because if you do, it'll not only affect the father and make him resent you for it later on, but it'll affect the child. i am in serious love with him and want us to be a family-not a broken family.’m a logical, intelligent person so of course i know kids need to spend time with their parents, and i know i wouldn’t love my guy like i do if i he wasn’t the great father i know him to be. my story is that i had multiple miscarages with my ex husband some of which lead to blood transfusions and emergency surgery. or will he turn and leave me because he has 3 kids already? i want to be ok with this situation so bad because i want to stay in his life and the boys life, but i don’t want to keep having these outbursts when we are all together.. he just told me that he want to get married again but no plans to have another kids because according to him he is too old for that and he don’t want another responsibility so he told me that he don’t want to have another kid form me. a year passed and i found someone else, until he turned up three years later and said things were sorted out now and wanted me back. i feel like i’m getting an awesome guy and the little girl is just an amazing bonus that comes with him.)i think you are very very selfish and you will never get a decent man if you expect to come before their children. i hate that he has to give her money, i hate to see her ugly face, i hate that i think of him and her having their kid and how happy they must of been. his parents told him not to marry until the case is over that why they don’t seem to care about me. i dont have a problem with that and i have accepted that he has problems. and i am still blaming myself because i didnt want him to reck my brick pavers by parking his 4 will drive truck into my back yard… .. demanding him drop everything coz she had to go here or do that. yrs in it and i have the following big issue: my partner thinks his kid is my reposnability just as it is his. we do realze that people want to be loved but what the op has to understand is that he can love both his son and her, it just takes some proper planing. bf and i have been together for 6months i love him he loves me there is just one problem his baby mama ive never met his daughter dont plan on meeting her at least not yet today he told me he had to be there for her cause she has unstable emotions that i can understand but when we first got together i wasnt told these things just that him and bm barely spoke so now you tell me you have to be there for her to now and it bugs me need a resolution my heart couldnt bare finding that he is pretending with her like their one big happy family excluding me of this info. he misses his son and wants to see him but now demands me too stay at home and i disagree bc no child support ordee says im. i treat those kids like they’re my own and i really feel for them but i see things from both sides having been a single parent and just a single woman and i’ll say this ppl need to be responsible for their own children. he makes sure they are ok and then he tells me he’ll see what he could do for me. i watch my man with his children, i love them but bm is in the background (she’s an absolute narcissist and nightmare) undermining any relationship i try to forge with the children. he didn't want to chance his son walking in the bedroom and seeing us laying in the same bed together. i’m very confused, i want kids & what’s going to happen if i do with him. short term pain is better than a life of emptiness, pain, and regret. i read your story over and over… i can def see both sides of this. you spend all your time with him, and he only see's his kid(s) a couple times a week ofcours he will put them #1. ex left me because we argue a lot lately and he says he doesn’t believe in happy ever afters. apologised and said he does not want to loose me. you never know he may even be lying about the 6 kids and have a 7th out there somewhere. there should be time for them, and time for your relationship. am currently dating someone who has 3 kids and full custody (not legally- just a pos for a mom). and if your guy uses his kids as an excuse for why he cant give you the time you deserve, shut and lock that door and run the other direction. this is a no brainer question… haha… you should run and you will find someone else that you love in the future ! i love my stepchrildren, not as my own, but as sweet kids. he always says its his past and he can’t do anything about it., the kids should take top priority but they also have to learn that the parents do need to have other relationships and activities that don't completey revolve around them. and when you’re building a life together, it should be just that. but now i’m excited about meeting a new man, i know more about myself, i know what my standards are. tracey, i think you misunderstood most of the comments here and i don’t think it is fair for you to just drop the judgement call that “all comments here is ridiculous and immature”. so i told him that everyone gets the best of him and i get what’s left! when my son was about 2 or 3 months old the grandmother who has full custody of my fiancés daughter asked me if i could watch her a few days a week. i usually work 7-3 and he works 2-11 and until 2am if he has to stay over for a 12hr shift, which, as i said earlier, is the norm. we tried to talk several times about all this issues but seems like nothing is changing. there will always be complications with the other child who isn’t yours and parenting should be a joyful experience. we are very comfortable to talk about anything and everything. try your best and if it’s not enough say goodbye before it’s too late. being with someone with kids when you don’t want or even like kids is too much to ask of yourselves, and it’s something you cannot change. i’ve never been in love with anyone as i am with him, it’s the strongest feeling i ever had. her cheating on him in the past has nothing to do with him going back and having sex with her (was it unprotected? once a year or so she would call my bf and tell him that she wanted him to take their son for one reason or another. spent so much money to even buy all the expensive gifts for his kids which they will throw it in the bin after a month, spoilt brats! just so much and i can’t handle it but love him so much. he puts her to bed usually right before 11 and then goes to bed himself leaving me up to do whatever.
Dating a younger man with kids i know you love him but if you stay he might not change his mind and you’ll be like me.: 8/18/2006msg: 25when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? so here i am, reading blogs online, trying to understand what i and other people are going through. have read through a lot of these comments and couldn’t help but notice a similar thread…. the ex was very difficult to deal with the first yr because she refused to accept me too socialize with the kid and therefore started limiting the time my boyfriend could share with his daughter. trust me… i went through it myself and not worth investing any of your further time! it’s a cry for help – i sorely wish i had a book of life to advise and guide me but sadly i don’t – i think deep down every contributor to the original post knows their answer – they just need to be brave enough to follow it through. unfortunately as you notice in this article most of us, not you, want have marriage and family but our partners have already have had it. he told me he has a daughter, who is just a few months old a few weeks before we started dating, since him and i started out as only friends. about 1 year, of dating, is when i started realizing how things really were!@eblah… i was so in love first months that i haven’t took so serious what he was telling me about no children… no marriage. having the kids over every once in a while is nice, as i do love them. i’m not looking for rude comments, i’m just looking for either a same situcommenand understanding comments and helpful advice. as a fiance of his, he still doesn’t care to know what kind of person i am nor understand me. we all can read from your comment, you are happy with your decision, and it is exactly how it is should be in life. posted: 7/4/2007 5:31:47 ampersonally i think your acting like a child try taking a step back taking a long hard look in the mirror and grow the hell up! even if it turned out he couldnt take his son back, i feel that resentment and guilt would have built itself up between us like a wall and our relationship would deteriorate. even though i love this man deeply, i knew god would send me someone who did not have children and would not make me feel like second place. i’m 27 with no children, my boyfriend is 34 and is a great father to a 7 year old daughter. you know… trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable. again, i am resentful as he’s told me that when the oldest of the two youngest was born, he and their mother were having problems yet the managed to make a second child together and yet he did not want mine. you know it always that second feeling and they are his kids and they are not going anywhere no time soon i always think about our future if we stay together.. why bc i want more than this mess that many of ppl deal with…. if you cant communicate your feelings then you will always be back there. she is married had kid last year and is pregnant again. he got custody of his 4 kids a little over a year ago. stop the thinking of who is number one and whos second, because it depends. how does a relationship work when he emphasizes that i have to be ok with not having/wanting kids of my own yet he has them? the shame of it is she tends to exclude the children from her travels and fun, for example she visited new york recently and her son wishes to visit since he’s never been and would enjoy a trip there very much. he even tells me that he’s going to throw me out of the street. no more getting involve with a man with kids and crazy manipulative useless irresponsible ex b%tch. unless you’re willing to put your dreams and hope aside for someone else leave. choose a man that is choosing your child, not another womens child.” perhaps, keep your idiotic comments to your self and stop interfering with other people’s lives. hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing. but i can’t help feeling like utter shit when he spends time with his daughter instead of me.’ve been dating this wonderful man for three months now, and while everything about him is amazing and all i’ve ever wanted-he has two young boys. i wish i listen to everyone’s advice before i fall in love with this man … but i’m also glad and huge relief things did not work out with this horrible man which he thinks he did everything right … what an ego useless man and he and his ex b$tch deserve to be together because they both the same …. click here to find out how you can join our growing team of writers. plus if he has dated a woman with kids most likely he isn’t selfish and he will understand how you feel when his kid has to come first and he will treat you better because he knows how hard it can be on the flip side..and if he loves you he would of left her before being with you! it’s all a risk, risk of me having a no good guy or me having a changed man who really just wants me… will i be able to let myself be happy here? men with children has consistently proven to me that its full of pitfalls and really significant challenges. a man will wait and/or respect your decision if he is serious about you. we cant even spend time together because of his daughter not trying to sound mean and his ex wife omg she’s rude, she harass me on social media, she gives me a bad name and he doesn’t say anything he doesn’t standup for me. he needs to be as he is with his kids, a real father, and i do not want to ruin their relationship. i would think about them looking at their child and thinking of one another. life is so short so plz people don’t judge others because they have kids or no…judge them by who they are..so let me be clear…he hooked up with his ex he had not seen in a year, knocked her up and has no desire to be with her after discovering she was pregnant? by treating their current partner like a maid, bill payers and free sex slave at the same time will create a worst situation. he has been a good fiance but only the ex and the case part that i never felt that i ever involved. sometimes emotions block the reasoning and that’s when it’s wise to step back. run before it is too late , don’t be so stupid and silly to get stuck with a man with kids and crazy ex wife . i feel very alone in my feelings, thus reading this chat blog. if you’re feeling lonely, have poor self confidence etc you’re going to attract another loser, plus you’ll then have two dads of two babies if it all goes wrong again. at your age your suposed to be meeting different boys and learning about yourself. i done all i can for that man and to give him a roof over his head and food on the table , untill one day i realised i was running out of money to keep bying food for him and his kids started out as 1 .. it may be ok, but once you are over 35 you have no excuse for rejecting men just because they have kids. hell if she was understanding and accepting of guy with kids she wouldnt be here having a hissy fit. ummmm nah i’m good i’m 20 not 30 i really like the man but i need a man with no kids hello because it will be something special to me and him because its our first hell if i have a baby by this dude with kids its gonna be like oh i know what to do we did this . were daing for two years and 1 3 months already,, and now he drop this big bomshell just today that he don’t like to have another children. with little ones you are in it for the long haul – the poor little souls have been through enough so if you are doubting yourselves and looking for someone essentially to advise you of the correct path to take… i think you already (secretly) know the answers to your questions. they always starting arguments with my 6 year old and he says nothing. he has been on his own for a long time and i feel he does everything his way no compromise and has no empathy or understanding at all. even if he has the best of intentions and he is a good guy, you will make a ton of sacrifices in order to make things work, and you may often feel like you’re not really in a relationship if you’re been cautious about meeting the kid too soon (we are). now he wants to file for custody but at the end of the day i’m going to be a young first time mother taking care of 2 children and that is way too much to handle. am also going through a situation very similar to yours and i want to share it with you because i also don’t know what to do. i want a family with my boyfriend and talk to him about it often, i end up really upset because he says he doesn’t know what he wants, not right now, maybe one day but doesn’t know now and it gets me more mad cause he should know after being together for 5 years. i love him so much, but i don’t know if i should deal with the disconnection with his child, his bm still having feelings for him & her coming around and having to contact him because of the child.? the house he grew up in and currently lives in, is his house, now and he’s told me that he will never leave. it may mean i may have to leave a date, it may mean plans get changed coz i have sick kids whatever. we never have sex and he doesn’t see how this whole situation effects me. that’s what i had mentioned to him before when your daughter comes, yallllllllll two need to have quality time, alone and also we can do “family” stuff… so his daughter was actually snootie and distant towards me, i mean him and i were kinda in a bad space that weekend but played it off as best we could. he always says he wants to make this work but the reality is both him and i don’t know how to. wasn’t i the same person who vowed to never date a man with a child? problem is that he is still married,he married long time ago for papers and said he never loved his wife but he was sleeping with her because he didn`t want to jump around and he told me she tricked him to have the child by stopping her birth control,and therefore was a mistake. you should be seeing it as a trail run for when you do have your own when you do date men with kids. and he always caters to whatever they want because he feels guilty. was thinking that maybe she and her dad could stay 2 friday and saturday nights at his mom without me then come back and stay sunday nights?!Bravo1965joined: 8/18/2006msg: 13when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? good father would never say to a woman (who may not be here tomorrow) "you come before my kids" and a woman who wants to be serious with a single father should realize she isn't entering a relationship with just a man. its called being a good parent and one cant expect a father to put his kids second. since the break up, he’s gotten another women pregnant, we just got back in touch with one another and now he wants me back, the baby is now here,one day old and im asking him how is this going to work, i have none, he was suppose to be my first everything, we were suppose to have a family of our own, he was the love of my life, but now im thinking do i want to deal with this mess and he lives 5 1/2 hours away from me, he would have to move where i am because im not moving back to were he is, i love him with all my heart but still kinda heart broken from him having a baby on me,now a second child when i don’t even have none, how do i deal with this situation. i have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. they would talk to me as a buddy and an adult figure in thier mom's life that they could trust . i was engaged to a man i had been with for 4 years. i could go on and on with this and delve into the op's supposed issues around her partners child and how she changes the dynamic and her anger doesn't help but there isn't enough space and you won't read my post if it's too long meh. i became pregnant a few months ago and although i was clear that i did not want a child at my age (42), he was also clear that he did not want anymore children therefore i aborted the child however i have since become resentful of him as he is head over heels for his two youngest children and why is it that he was so adamant about me not keeping our child. that’s so unfair to yourself to accept a man who will not give you that choice of being a mom. now that the 2nd childs father is active, there is no reason why he should feel so compelled, never in the first place bc their relationship was over months after their child was born and the stuff she put him through (she’s 7 her sister is 4) his reason was to prove everybody wrong and set and example, and especially to the mom and her 2nd childs father for not wanting him around…ect and the mom for ever treating him so badly… the clincher is she still sucks, and tries to use him/ us and here i come putting my foot down and opening his eyes but encouraging no! the daughther is with the mom in other country and i guess he havent seen them for sometime (i checked the passport no entry stamp to that country). first now did he tell me about his two teenage girls by another woman who committed suicide when they were todlers. am in need of a true woman who is ready to build a legacy worth the record books…. if i will leave him or stay because honestly i really love him and can let him go. so if you want to see what’s poppin’ and you love the person give it a try. i made jokes to ppl in my family about not going to have any don’t want any i am the last female in our group of cousins with no child. he is a great father to his kids but sometimes i think he does way to much he do things that the mother should be doing. so does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy? we do have our problems, i would take off drinking with my friends and not come home but that’s only because i didn’t want him yelling at me and treating me like shit as he always does but i’ve always reassured him that i didn’t cheat but he always blames me for it. he is a great father to her, does anything and everything to be in her life, constant court battles, argues over everything with his ex. he didnt want to have a baby with me, but wants my daughter and his son in our relationship? say he has to treat you with respect and stops threatening to throw you out on the streets because you won’t tell because you love him. my bf goes to work and does the bare minimum to take care of his kids he wants me to take the place of their mother. now it has stopped and he doesn’t hear from her as much which is good and that leaves us free to start our lives together. out the rest of this week’s issue (18/04/11; issue 53):Caribbean amphibian: stereotypes of ‘island’ people. but when i mentioned about the case, he makes it seems like it’s my job to wait for him and not to speak up. it sucks when both the father and kid dont have much in common with me. i told him he should date someone who has kids because maybe they will be more understanding. my relationship with this man can only be described as perfect. ofcourse, i get mad with when he tells about the case which seems to me that it will never end. if you want to have your own children and get married good luck getting him on board after the mess he has to deal with from child support and divorce. but even he says he loves my country, and he d love to move when he will be older but not in 3 years. expect to be competing for his attention, time and money. and too the fact that he can’t give me more than 1 kid because of them being exist.: 1/11/2007msg: 11when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? (even at sweet 16 which she paid for she was treated like shit and asked by the eldest to leave the picture because it was ” a family picture”. should i wait and only tell her when we about to get married?: so i would like to play a little bit of the devil’s advocate here and just make a suggestion that maybe going into couples counseling. hurts even more if he’s the best man you’ve ever had a relationship with. i remember thinking, “please don’t cry if i hold your hand”. now months have gone by and he hasn’t seen the kid bc of the headache situation. they will leave the nest in a few short years and it will be the 2 of you.. i made just some simple and clear questions which i was ignoring before, and he answered so easily that he was thinking differently . i married a woman with 2 kids and i regrest it immensley…. don’t get involve and don’t get a place together, when he gets what he wants, he will chase you out from the house. during our first few months together, i told him that ive got a child, and he totally accepted that. you for writing in with such a rich and complex question. and you deserve to find a man that will let you be his #1, and you will! she basically only has anything to do with the kids unless it benefits her. i dated a guy with a kid even though i always pictured my happy family– husband, wife, kids, pets; i’ve just always wanted what my parents have. use the line “everyone has kids now at days” (stop lowering your standards. everytime i see his son, his family or a picture of the ex, my body would shake so much, like i have a panick attack seeing or hearing about them. the kids seem to like me sometimes but than his oldest tells the younger one “remember what mom said or i’m telling mom”. i would not live without my husbond or his kids! at the same time he has never told the whole truth about his situation and i have found out details bit by bit, each time leaving me shocked and loosing trust. eh… i was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot. become so sick with kidney thing and needed to rest . he keeps the son and the mother of the son only visited him once a week. we are arguing more and i feel increasingly empty and hard done by the situation. i gave zero baggage , the kids are nice to me but not raised well at all they fight and trash my house and i feel like a maid i look forward to them going home… i know i sound horrible i am not mean to them and they love me i buy them gifts and nice things and even got a larger house so they had their own nice rooms .” he’s in his boys life and does everything for them, and i do admire that, and that’s not necessarily my issue, it’s just the fact that i can;t get past that he has two women in his life. are you concerned about whether your boyfriend will want to have children with you, given he already has three of his own? feel like this is just the beginning so great he confessed about the kids! but i just broke up with him, because he isn’t sure if we wants more kids.@sm what do you mean “i made just some simple and clear questions which i was ignoring before, and he answered so easily that he was thinking differently . i sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (gno) one saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed.. i do however feel sorry for your future partner whom does father your kids and for those kids if you are acting like this now i honestly dont want to know how you will act when you do have your own one day. you so much rebecca for your insight and so unfortunate you went through your situation. it’s already two years and he always told me that he is into me and love me. so she is bitter about that and is mainly where the nastiness comes from, i don’t want to regret my life, i came out of a 7 year back and forth to finally meet this awesome man, with this baggage… sometimes i think i would feel more equal if i had a kid and a dad i had to deal with. i tried to break up after 2 and a half years but i’m still with him because i do love him. if it is the latter i would say run, without a doubt! who might not want to marry me or have kids mean while we’ve been together for 5 years. the reality is that nothing is really stopping her from one day coming back to claim her baby girl and creating more drama in your lives because she feels angry and jealous. all i’m getting to is like to don’t think i ever want to deal with a man with any child again! he is also worried how it would effect his two and says he would feel to guilty living with our child and not the other two full time. i let a man move into myplace with 3 kids every other week , and 3 weeks over the holidays and he wauld rely on me paying for everything.. he only saw his son once a month (due to differences with the child's mother) and I felt like there wa-contribute: write for us. met in a nightclub, flirting and always fucking and laughing.: 1/11/2007msg: 9when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? the other of the billion hands my bf is so happy and i know i am doing the right thing by helping him with this. i didn’t find out until 1 year into the relationship and by then i was too emotionally involved to turn away.’m 28 and i have children and they’re not in my custody but i live with my 48 year old bf and his two kids. he always says how the kids are is whole world which also makes me feel sad because i feel like chopped liver shouldn’t i be his whole world too? think if it is really what you want and of you can deal with it..he left his two boys and pregnant ex wife for me. something is not right in her head , set a great example for her kids there . you are woman that should stay away from men with children as you are not ready to be around someones child, until you have children of your own you will never understand. he has never lied about having kids & i met them about 2 months into our relationship. sometimes i think he just thinks that sinve i am a woman, i should just be a mother eventhough the kid already has one. he told me if i didn’t want his daughter i couldn’t have him and things have been very stressful since then because we have a baby together. till this day they still do and they are grown (32,36) but the difference now is that she doesn’t walk on egg shells and tells it like it is and puts them in there place. oh and btw, i’m recently divorced myself, but with no children and definitely want children someday. he even told me that there’s no way he would try and see his child. he has 3 children with three different women, and a possible 4th child on the way with his last child’s mother. you again for writing in with a question that surely resonates with many. i want kids of my own some day and i know at 40 something he is done having kids.. but i guess its a decision you have to make yourself, whether he is such a great person, that its worth withstanding everything, and for me, am willing to just love him, care for him and his son like my own , and really, be the best girlfriend i can be. even fighting for millions of dollars and a large estate wouldn’t take seven years. i would react the same way as your boyfriend if my ex had full custody and i only saw my son a few times a month.
What it feels like to date a man with kids but i love him so much… i would do anything to try and sort this out. i agree it is wrong of your ex husband to make you sleep on the couch when his child was there but why didnt you tell him no? add three children and their mother to the mix and things can get very complicated, very quickly. if you truly love the men who you are with, then dont let the children bother you…and you dont have to be the “mom” even after marriage…. i also don’t have a say in him visiting the kids mom’s but i feel sickened everytime i think about him possibly getting back together with them. i have time and am not in a rush, but still, you want to be on the same page for future life aspirations with someone..so nw i found out that the twins he said are his couzins are also his,meaning he’s got three kids in total. and bought a house together and i’m paying the bills for his ex b%tch kids and they don’t even appreciate ! on next day i was angry at him and asked why he didn’t tell me about the kid,but he said that he was too scared that i would runaway from him…through all this i still love him and he loves me…and i love his child as she would be ours. if i will leave him or stay because honestly i really love him and can let him go. 3 of his children lives with his mom and dad and they always say he don’t care about is kids and only cares about mine and this makes it difficult to bond with them. brewster is a south girl, who is still adapting to her adopted town life.: 6/19/2007msg: 1view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? When him and I were just dating, things were great. seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. since you have small children i was wondering what your thoughts are because i see all my dreams and goals going out the window whether i leave or stay? i can’t give him enough because i’m jealous and he can’t give me enough because he has a responsibility towards his children. the kids are nice, very bubbly and happy as one big family. i done all i can for that man and to give him a roof over his head and food on the table , untill one day i realised i was running out of money to keep bying food for him and his kids started out as 1 . he said that he did not want me to contribute monetarily… just to keep the house clean, dishes and laundry done, transport the kids to and from school sometimes and cook meals. not fair to judge at all, unless you have went through a similar tough situation with a partner with kids and that partner put his kids and ex wife first all the time and you come last. i’m such a good person to him and his daughter and i don’t understand why he doesn’t see that as good enough for him. why put yourself in the middle of other peoples dysfunctions, for a man that will choose his children over you on any given day. i feel selfish and horrible for feeling these things and keep telling myself these feelings don’t make any sense and are totally immature and misplaced, but i can’t help feeling them all the same. i cant settle with this and the disrespect from his ex it just nothing that i want to go through with in life. i’m now 33 and i don’t want to have kids late. i have a burning wish for my own children, but worry that he has ‘been there, done that’ and i will have to have all the reponsibility. then she contacted him asking about family medical history out of the blue which made the situation real for him so he confessed to me and his family. the fact of the matter is you will end up supporting the kids..cus im from finland and have too many european languages on my mind and english is not verry easy for me sometimes…. you have to be the ultimate decision maker and know what you can and cannot tolerate and being as though this child is young (how old is she now? i know you wrote this a year ago but it sounds like my situation exactly and it made me cry. they might start out attentive because they know you are a good catch but then when they think they have you the selfishness sets in. will be renting the same 3 bedroom but not in his name in his mother’s name so that he can get the kids out the system. my question is should i feel the need to rush and have kids? i would never ever do this and comment in a blog or ask opinions online or do yelp reviews or nothing like that at all. it’s like feeling like a tag along at times. domand me to be with his kids at all times otherwise . how could you possibly understand an experience before you experience it? i always believe if that single father is sensitive enough and able to find a balance ground between the kids, cut off the crazy ex wife and put his current partner first, things will work for sure. did hide it from me he cheated on her with me and he didn’t tell me that she was pregnant or that she existed until a friend told me because i said i can see us getting married and i can see us having kids.. i have a man who has two kids and i have one from another relationship. why do i have to stay home alone on weekends and holidays? this child was born she then found another man when it was still a new born, and fell pregnant to him 3 months into their relationship… this child, (c. sometimes i feel myself as though i am in a miserable state, like today, and i can just see the rest of my life unfolded before my eyes, watching this kid for the rest of my life..and if he sees them i also want him to tell me. he is from a divorced family and my parents have been married for 40 years. all i need sum advise i have read everyones comment and am in a similar situation me n my bf have been dating for 3 years and he has a daughter that is living with his mum and i love him so much and the life we built and i knew his daughter was eventually going to live with us after a few years but he wants her 2 move here next year but i am not ready and after sum thought i realised i dnt want kids as i want to concentrate on my career and want to travel and i just bought a home so my priorties are truly else where and i dnt want her to come here and i can not give her wat she deserves and that iz nt fair to her pls help. to cut this story short, the ex could be a more loving and attentive mother. now the thing is that i am a hardworker and i am building my future day by day and he always keeps nagging to get a fixed job with fixed hours which i don’t stand at all. ex husband left me after his affair to be with thing he had the affair with. so i we decided to talk more with exchange number, so she had found out everything she made big show & stuff … so idk what should i do.: 6/15/2007msg: 10view profilehistorywhen dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? so i decided to commit to him thinking that ex doesn’t care about her son and she involves in my fiancé’s life anymore until one day a year after she file a case stating she common law married to him and she always wanted file for child custody. a therapist could be very valuable in helping you prepare for these conversations and in processing the outcomes. yes, i wont deny that these men are good fathers and are following their responsibility. my question, am i wrong for wishing my bf didn’t have children, i become stressed when they are with us, and try to limit my time with them by scheduling more hours at work.) can anyone please give me suggestions or recommendations on how i can approach this situation with confidence and not be so jealous of their relationship? a child needs more love and attention than a mature adult. when we socialize, she constantly mutters insults and terrible things under her breath about being a terrible father. have the same problem the mother is just doing nothing and the children are lazy and undicipline. but she has a kid with another man and she is with him now. these where also by another woman and my partner said he has no contact with them. the daughters have contact with the two other siblings behind his back and i get upset when they are mentioned as the subject is taboo and i feel like i’ve been lied to. it’s difficult to imagine this guy may have a sudden respect for women after repeating the same mistakes so many times. through court i was awarded full custody and enjoy it immensely. she saw me one day and i guess realized he moved on for good.: it is possible that for those who are already depressed getting this kind of news can be even more depressing for them and they could lose. yes, i am a sixteen year old girl, dating an eighteen year old boy who has a daughter that is about seven months old. i`ve lost my patience,i`m 24,i`m a good catch and i know i can find somebody without all this , and i don`t know if i can handle all this baggage. i totally agree that children is a great gift from above, but their dad should be sensitive towards their current partner especially when she doesn’t have kids herself. when he gave it to me back i restored all the messages and calls between them. recently his finances have taken a blow and he says he needs me to startpaying some of the bills. (can’t blame a man not running back to a woman who cheated on him a few times) i’m 24, in school and still trying to get my life established. i’m sure many of you have had issues and for that i’m truly sorry. he says he’s happy about me possibly being pregnant, and i would love nothing more than to have a child, but i’m kind of scared. i never dreamed it would work out like this when i was younger. i have been told by some woman that three kids its a problem in relationship development. he’ll always have to pay child support and be dependent on her just baca use she has the kids- so she has the power. (and yes, i know i'm going to get flamed for this myself). im writing because im in a situation where me and the babymama had issues bc for the first 6months of my relationship with mt bf i caught him texting his babymama and we have had several issues. but his ex talks alot of stuff about me and even him. possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband. i always share how i feel about his problems and how it makes me feel uncomfotable, scared, afraid, jealous, shake everytime i hear about them and told him for those reasons i hate them all! i have only dated one man who has a 40/60% custody with 3 children with his x. whay can't you spend this time with the new hubby and the child? he always questioned me why i don’t visit his parents often, but my concern is that, i came from a strict family and ofcourse my parents don’t like me to keep hanging with his family when they don’t seem to be interested to me nor have our parents met since we got engaged? he doesnt have a job, he is under govt support and not even wanting to try hard to get a fulltime job. you’re obviously not happy and you can’t afford to be fickle like a love struck teenager with a first love when you have a child to care for.’m 21 and my girlfriend is 28… we are a lesbian couple which makes this 100 times harder for me…. oh yeah you will have your kids because they are" first ". even though he gave me so many things, the one thing that truly matters the most to me was to have a family. have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and he has three kids with his ex wife (they married young) i am 24 years old and he is 25. since i have none of my own children and have never been married; as well as am much younger than him….: 8/4/2006msg: 15when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? also italian with the most beautiful eyes i ever saw at a man. she has expressed her feelings towards her child’s father to me, and she is still in love with him.: 10/14/2006msg: 4when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first? i love kids and i know he’ll be a great father. im 25 with two kids to my bf, who is 28, but he has 3 other kids to two diff women. his kids are very jealous and don’t want anyone else around their dad. give yourself time to evaluate what you want to include in your life and what you don’t. i just feel like it will eventually end bc what man wants to raise another mans child? that kind of chaos is a lot for an only to handle. we first started getting to know each other, his ex had a restraining order out against him: nothing bad has happened other than a few nasty texts. he wants more kids with me and we have been trying for 5 months now and still no luck. if you read carefully enough, it is all about the unfair treatment the single father gave to his current partner that doesn’t have kids. i knew immeiately before we moved in together that the whole thing wasn’t for me, but stuck it out (it was a place i needed to move to for a year long course and a place he could establish himself in a job and an area he wanted to live in). how is having a baby with a man you already has 2 children? he said they lived together for 12years and never married. know the easier solution here would be to just walk away, and that’s what i’ll do if i can’t find a solution or if i start feeling like the kid is being affected by this in any way (illogical as my feelings may be i would never hurt a child’s feelings or disrupt their life in any way, even if that meant making myself miserable.. i am engaged to a man with two kids from his ex-wife.’ve noticed that the women who put up with this kind of situation might suffer from a bit of low selfesteem as compared to other ladies who go after a man without so much baggage. if you have a good support system in place ie: family and friends, then you should have an abundance of sitters for when you need some "you" or "couple" time.. yet you have the nerve to come to me with your problems and issues so i can help you fix them? we were spending time together today, i mentioned that i was hungry and let’s go to lunch, his response was he needed to pick up the kids and then we can all go to lunch. he is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. i want his to see his children and give then love not to panish them becouse of what happened between him and their mothers. he knew it was never going to work out with her. childen are a gift and an enhancement, as some people can’t even have them.! looking at the comments here, you guys haven’t even figured it out. don’t remain faithful and dedicated to someone that doesn’t care about what you need. i feel lost and detached from the world in any case, i always have. also ask him you wouldn’t mind if he wanted to see his son or want his son to visit him on weekends, make sure you say how much you love him and that he can’t treat you like trash. the boys love me and snuggle me while watching movies and we all just have a great time.) to even think of yourself and his child as a " competition" is pathetic and totally selfish , a grown woman even thinking of competing with someones child is very sad and very unfair.: 8/18/2006msg: 23when dating a man who has a child, will i ever come first?’d like to share my experience and hoping you can shed some light in my blurry thoughts. I was married to a man who had a child..and i doubt she would learn from this one either. can’t see the woods for all trees and am starting to have second thoughts. until you realize that there are many good men out there who have priorities with children i think you should stay away from them. i applaud your bf for being a good father and showing interest and love for his kid..about same age and religion…but all i can answer is …i dont want to cuz i love him. i was entering a broken situation, and i would not be able to ever have peace in that situation. even we know that we love each other so much, he doesn’t want to marry me (maybe it can happen in 5years ) and he doesn’t want to have kids from me. we were already in our first year of relationship when i found it out. i talked to my partner about all of my concerns and somehow because i’m not the birth mom i’ve ended up the bad guy trying to run a boot camp by just wanting them to learn a bit of structure. a few years when your children leave home you will be feeling very lost.. he just told me that he want to get marriedagain but no plans to have anither kids because according to him he is too old for that and he don’t want anither responsibility so he tood me that he don’t want to have another kid form me. if something goes wrong, like what we are talking about, a ruined family with children who live in between 2 different families, 4 different parents, so everything goes wrong… each person in this situation will suffer. know you are afraid that she can leave you, but as you said she loves your younger daughter so maybe it s not so bad and she will understand your situation. at the beginning, my job was not going so well since i am a freelancer and i have ups and downs, i was staying the whole time with them and help cleaning the house and everything. i want him to understand i am doing him a favor out of love and therefore, he should coordinate with me anytime he needs me to take care of the kid, instead of assuming whenerver he needs to he can just throw it on me without previously asking wheter i can do it or not.`m so confused,we love each other too much and we don`t want to give up on this relationship. don’t settle for such a disfunctional person and relationship. eh… i was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot. but i am really just not comfortable of him being around with his kids. i wish you courage in the process of sorting this out and peace with whatever choice you make. personally, my own boyfriend has 3 wonderful children of his own and we are currently moving out together an trying for one of our own.! in a similar situation and i feel exactly like you! he will never understand that you are doing it out of the goodness of your heart, but you dont have to. all i’m really saying is don’t be selfish and inconsiderate be honest with urself and others and try to see someone else’s point sometimes. i’m currently on maternity leave for our youngest child so plans are often made for the stepkids to come on sch holidays, spesh occasions, etc. and anyone else thinking of following the child-free path: take it from a mom of 3 and step mom of one: kids are not that great, and that goes triple for step-kids. trying to talk about it with my bf is a nightmare. i don’t want to keep having to wait for his case to be over and he is not gaurenteed about it! but sometimes it's hard for a parent to get the little one off the brain, probably even more so for someone that only gets to see their child a few days out of the month. so the 2nd child hasn’t been over since the summer time and i’m the one who stopped that like your being inconsiderate, to keep forcing your other kid on this man and my man forcing her on me… hell no. i wasnt the father of these children and they knew that. do you have to saty home alone on weekend and holidays? in many states the stepparents often have to support the kids and there are cases where the new spouse had to pay child support and alimony to the ex because the parent lost their job. the 18 year old acts like his gf, she always wants to know where he’s at, what he’s doing etc…and he just lets it be that way. and he got extremely upset on that day and i can’t be angry because that b%tch spoilt our day and i have to be a better person ! i feel lonely and second best, he picks them up from the exes house on his days off and takes them to his parents all day without me, he doesnt contact me at all. all am saying is be smart and do not stay in a relationship that makes you feel less important than you are.’m 23 and i’m in a relationship with a man who is 35. i have been doing my best to be helpful but as soon as i mention something in reference for instance washing her hands he gets very angry at me. i would think about every time i get mad at him or he gets mad at me would he run to her? actually he already have 3 (18 years old twins and a 16 years all boy) from his previous wife. now you need to find out if he made some mistakes or he’s just aimlessly making babies all over the place. them three persons you are talking about as baggage are beautiful children. i love him very much and weve been through a lot together. there are heaps of much better options out there, men without kids and crazy drama ex wife…. but its just some girl in another town with his kid and he doesn’t give two f***s or do anything about it. you could actually find a great person who shares common interests, goals and views with you. his ex left him for another man, the 2 girls, wanted to stay and live with him.…with how judgmental you vile harpies are, it’s no surprise that someone wouldn’t want to come out and automatically state they’re a single parent, especially if they don’t have custody.. if you do have wants and needs list you have to think of other people and how that list will effect them as they will be effected either way of what you do choose to do. when i met this man i knew he had kids but i didn’t knew their mother was unfit.
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