Dating too busy to call me

Dating too busy to call me

we split because of his busy schedule and my inability to deal with it. if we are supposed to be single and act as if we were single and just see each other like some sort of friends with benefits? i was contacted – out the blue – by a co-worker (lives in another country) who showed me all the sexual attention i needed. he's so calm and quiet and hardly talks,he's a wonderful friend to me and he is so selflessly caring for me all the time. when he wanted to go to europe for a three- to four-week trip in the middle of fall semester, and she said she really couldn’t do that a still stay in school, he threw a hissy fit. have been telling me that i am so lucky with my boyfriend. since we moved to the same city, it has not gotten much better. i was the one to ask him out first and when we met up i immediately felt a strong connection with him. other spin on the "women marry when the guy is right" side of the coin, is that maybe you aren't ready. i am happy to go with the flow, do my thing and let them like the busy, exciting, independent person i have been. idk i’m no pro (lol) but sounds like it’s time to walk away from a man that u can’t trust, and is putting another woman before u! i’ve come to realize that my husband is happiest when we’re splitting childcare responsibilities about 70/30. he was so furious he was like y din u inform me ? i'm very confused, it's like he's saying one thing and doing something totally different. appreciate you reading through all that and boiling it down to something as simple as that. he had off and on threw the relationship give me hints that he wanted a break, but i wasn't figuring out his hints, and when he told me he wanted a break, the typical "its not you, its me, i love you, and you are the sweetest person ive ever met" but for me to come over 1 or 2 times a week, i would think he was trying to break up with me and start to tear up, well apparently that made him sad to see me cry, so the next morning he said i want you to stay with me, i just needed to vent and have a lil space and we are good..he took extra classes this yr for extra money and he also is a head coach for a winter sports team at the school that started the same week he got distant. and husband’s schedule, while difficult, probably allows some nice blocks of time to spend with the kids too. if i was very lucky we would meet once in the middle of the week but did not happen very often. it just took a really long time to sink in. c:Just 2 days ago, i met a boy, it wasn’t love at the first sight but after i’ve talked to him for a while, i found him quite interesting to talk with and i think i quite like him. when we leave each other with a goodbye kiss, he's says he's going to pester me until we meet again, and we plan on meeting 3 days later on a weekend since we're both so busy, though i am a bit less so than him this semester. there is however a limit on how much one should allow their better half to use this neediness to control and manipulate time and relationships with family and pre-existing friends. dating game is a dance and if you really like her, you'll be patient - it will pay off. but he has recently moved to the city (2 hours away) and has been very busy. can men really lose that "romantic feeling" when something like this happens? true gent amen follow me home to make sure i’m safe due to weather, calls me to make sure i’m safe, when i was unsure about him and not planning anything with me he said on the phone trying to reassure me he was late to work the next day from being tired, he says think the time we spent in the past to know how much he cares for me. if you are busy with grad school, friends and work then you can fill your time. you get back together with someone you previously dated short term? i do want to give up, but i don’t want to give away someone i think it’s right for me. so this girl have come sickness and always forget to drink a thing call "protein",which she must take it everyday. he mentioned to me at lunch today, actually, that the highest praise he receives comes from me. eric, thank you so much for your article it has helped me change my mindset! i don’t understand the need to communicate so often, especially with someone i’m just getting to know. your resentment over your husband’s conversion to 50s values, i see that you accept final responsibility for the kids. he hasn’t told his friend or family about me either. now fast forward a few months later and he texted me and blew up my phone back to back. some people are not mentally stable, and reconnecting with him could actually make things worse. it makes me realize i really need to get my life in check and never invest so much into another person that i would be in such a painful state like i’m in now when/if things end. in the beginning he would txt me every single hour of everyday then he stopped thats when i flipped and kept texting him like mad and he wouldn’t reply. i am completely independent, going to grad school, working, and spending time with my friends. the 18 months when i was finishing surgical residency and he was working full time as a cardiologist and we had a child was tough on our relationship., i do really like this guy, but i also am logical enough to know that this will probably not last since he's making it clear that his stuff comes first. is he just keeping me around cause im convienient and helping him out? he has a dangerous job, and almost always remembers to send me a text letting me know he is ok at the end of his shift. call him a boy because a man would have already put your mind and heart at ease. i did the unavaliable role for the day an he was behind me alot today. well i didn’t see him for 2 weeks but he still called me almost everyday. can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “why didn’t you call? he took responsibility for the dynamics he feels he is responsible for, and i realised that i also contribute to the feelings i feel, by minimising my own feelings for the sake of others, by feeling heightened feelings about our relationship at specific times. saturday mornings we have a “family meeting” to go over finances and our travel schedules for the following weeks, and discuss which nights we anticipate having to work late. i would think men should pass the sickness and health test if you want them in your life at all from week one. he's very successful, just bought a house, and is a personal trainer, so he's up at 6am and has clients throughout the day till 9 or sometimes 10 at night. as a woman that enjoys my relationship, i am also a single parent, part-time student and i have a demanding full-time job..buy stuff for me(though i dont ask him to), supportive with my career. he told me flat out his last partners, every one of them has said they we “tired of not being a priority to him”. i know i am not going to feel special all the time in our relationship, but i am trying to assertain wherer that comes from and how we can reslove it? and he definitely resented me for having such grand expectations. even having relaxing down time can be better than filling your time with mindless, non-fun activities. 7 years ago i just did a search for "when a guy is too busy" and this came up. and except for the month this summer, his main problem was before we met. the difference, in my opinion: the guy who’s really busy will continue to text or email you little jokes or things like that, and continue to show interest in your life — the guy who’s “too busy” will disappear off the face of the earth. my fiance just broke up with me because for the last year, i have been pressuring and being needy to him, while being completely oblivious i was even doing it..just the almost perfect guy with out trying too hard to be one. i would say, by giving him the allowance anyway, you are reinforcing that you don't care how you're treated, and obviously that he doesn't have to step up and realize he needs to put forth more effort in order to maintain this agreement. in late april the time we spent together and our talk time decreased and decreased. however, there are times when i believe that another person's behavior overrules those principles.( witch i need more time) he actually lives in another state only four hours away. he listened but really did say anything that i wanted to here like okay i’m of from work let’s spend some quality time together..its subtle but can keep the relationship “alive” and not in a game sense…life is motion.! i am bookmarking this site and will come back to it every time i start to second guess myself and start to act clingy and needy. in other words, your behavior will start treating them as a means to an end — this chokes the life out of a relationship, since it cuts off the natural flow of love and replaces it with constant worry and trying to “get what you need”. he's told me that they argued a lot, and he seems to almost see this similarity and be pushing all the anger and hurt that he had with her on to me. we’re both at about the same level in our careers but i will out earn him this year (by a small but noticeable amount) and i expect to out earn him next year (by a small but noticeable amount). then 6mo ago he bought a house only 5 min from me. where families sometimes live in different countries or states, perhaps this. we have called and e-mail each other less and less. i’ve also heard that women run away from needy men. if not, then find somebody who meets your communication and attention standards. am willing to spend whatever time he can give me and i him., i wish i had that article a long time ago. doesn’t mean i expect you not to have standards.’s silly me i couldn’t keep the promise to myself lol but it turned out ok so no regrets :). maybe he is busy or maybe he isn’t interested, but by contacting him you aren’t putting yourself in a good position." believe me, if she wanted to be with you, she would be. so our fields complement each other – we have one client in common, where he directs the investments and i do the estate planning documents, trust administration, etc. told me this is the busiest time of year for him and needs me to understand, he said its not a lack of interest but a lack of energy. anyway, i was on a dating site when i met this guy, jack, and we instantly hit it off. he was supposed to see me in queens and he had a death in his family,so he had to go to baltimore for the funeral. didn't talk for about a month after the break up and then he texts me and invites me over. pretty much every guy would be relieved to be rid of a girl he has to “deal with” because she’s constantly acting as if he owes her something… and the guys that would put up with it are probably not guys you’d be attracted to…. i do agree with us not being on the same page. want a relationship or a certain kind of relationship and they pick some guy and keep trying to make that relationship happen. all, i don’t know how to use this thing so i am just writing this in hopes someone helps me with this. are men so cold as stone that they just don’t help anymore or is this a reason to drop them. it makes me feel scared about the future , as in our relationship wont grow because we dont spend enough time with each other. so do you have the same educated information for when a woman is not needy and the male party gets irritated that you don’t initiate a call out to the prolonged periods of not speaking. you dont think this is neediness from the men’s part?.since the project is finishing, it demands most of his time doing overtime and long hours of work. we are not talking about other women or partners, i have to begin by referring back to an idea i referenced in a past article, when your girl wants to get married and you don't.'m trying to be mature and stop being needy and trying to show up that i'll always be there for him and support him but this has been going on for a month now and in many times i had break downs coz missing him hurts and some times i take it personally and doubt his feelings. only way for us to contact is through my house phone and his mobile phone, he told me it makes him feel weird if he rings my house and someone else picked up the phone, so it has been me calling him, though he did ring me back once when i said i’ll be near the phone…. we escalated very quickly to complete and utter intense flirting (webchats, photos, explicit phonecalls). he didnt text to say if he was coming to the market, so on the saturday i called him once but he didnt pick up so i guess he was sleeping. we talked all the time and he would reply to my messages. we've had to cancel hanging a couple different times due to weather or he's been busy. he is a very laid back person and gripes at me for not being chill. actually, up until now, we never see each other more than once a month, and i am always the one having to call him or ask him to meet up.. takes hours to reply sometimes when he's fixing his car. if you give in to a guy sexually way too early in a relationship, all he will think of you as a sex outlet.  particularly, you should make sure that your 10-year plans are compatible: for example, if either of you plan/hope-to off-ramp (or have your partner off-ramp) when kids enter the picture, that is something that should be discussed now. but i want an outing,he says he will bring me out when the it's holiday. i feel that he has somebody, and is afraid to tell me. but he is acting the same way he did when he would leave for university. i’m not saying not to text first, but let them make the moves most of the time. problemsbest ways to respond to silent treatment in relationshipsby jellygator260. but he does flirt with pther girls, but he always tells me he doesn't wanna sleep with them, adn that what we have is special. now that i am a widow find moments and hours alone very difficult. reader response to last week’s ask a guy feature was really great, so i decided to drill down deeper into one of the areas i discussed, namely neediness. neediness, to me, is synonymous for ‘emotional dependency’, as in “this woman is dependent on you in order for them to feel good. he tells me how excite he is to see me, and he is so thankful of me been understanding and been there.’s spot on how i mean it – when you put yourself first (that is your happiness, your fulfillment, your inspiration with your own life), then you’re able to bring your best self to the relationship. it’s only been a few days & i expect i just need to give it a little longer but i’m interested to know if i have done something wrong how i intrigue him back and let him know i’m happy to just go with the flow? he didnt contact me till 7pm that night & then was so out of it he didnt mention anything about the date! mark international women's day, we look at the adventurous females who have., and he declared he needs time to think by thn i was exausted i said fine we'll do that take ur time . i was wondering if you could give me any advice so that i could feel better about this situation because it has been making me feel sick ever since we broke up, plus i really want him back. i asked him why he is cold to me he said that hes been working and not happy with his job, and dont feel good lately. and the truth is if he really wants to see you he will make the time. don’t have kids, but have our fair share of busy times when we rarely get to see each other. he works 10 hour days four times a week and has three day weekends. lot of advice articles recommend women become “less available” but the key is to have other hobbie/events that bring you to the same emotional state or similar as seeing the object of your affection. but your guy isn't making time for anyone or anything if he's just spending that time working. i feel like i go to extra lengths and make compromises to the extent of our communication, so that you do not feel added pressure along with all the other things in your life by me or our relationship..i don't know how to take this still since i really really like him and would be willing to do whatever, even though i might have messed things up by texting him the past 3 weeks. he claims it isn't and that he does care for me and that i am the only one for him. trust me, if this relationship has a chance, this will work. i know my feeling and being confused are affecting his behaviour but i just find i cant help feeling something is wrong.. he is not some perfect being and i do see him flaws and all, but i love the person he chooses to be. if you find your partner's really busy and everything including flossing is more of a priority then they probably like you just not over enough. you know what, i'm not going to worry about it, if saturday has rolled around and she hasn't called me back, i'll call just to wish happy bday anyways, but not necessarily ask her out again. i feel like i come way down on a long list of your priorities. 6 months before we met i moved back to the small town we live in, i used to have a job i loved working 12 hour day, always busy with friends etc & my life felt complete! my weekend is filling up, i may have to tell this girl that i'm too busy now to see her. see there is this guy i met all but two months ago., yeah, for him, it is not acceptable that a mother is only spending an hour here and there and then some block time w/ “his” children. and if he is one of the very few that can keep up the change, you still need to remember that all of that requires sustained effort and vigilance on his part and make sure he is not resenting you for putting the pressure on him. i was like "wow" this guy really has true potential and seems very legit in his interest in me. i know you mentioned that we should have a strong sense of self and busy ourselves as well, and i can do all that, but that's not the kind of relationship i'm looking for. talked long hours, texted, e-mailed, but both of us being students made it hard for us to meet, and i still had hang-ups about my schedule and needed to get through a difficult semester. turns out he had a family thing to do, which i wish he would of told me in the beginning before i started freaking out. here they are:sometimes i do not feel very imporant in our relationship. i mean winter will be gone soon, i care about him a lot, and i know he cares about me a lot. when his work schedule (he's a cop) became more hectic things went downhill.’s an awesome post designed for all the online visitors; they will get benefit from it i am sure. please note that by submitting your question to petra, you are giving your permission for her to use your question as the basis of her column, published online at wonder women. i have a similar problem as some of the cases posted above. just never opens up,he's so reserved, and with me, he's become better . we’ve been on so much community stuff that there’s a joke that a commission cannot be formed without a representative from [our address]. i took him to the movies, he suggested a restaurant and we went to other restaurant, went to his room lying in his arms but i didn’t say the night (but we were planning on it) we had a blast! he has never preached about his religion or expect me to convert. well, that’s the flip side of the same coin–the guy feeling threatened and striking back. i think trying to make some of your own plans is a good idea. do our best to schedule our travel, so that we are both out of town at the same time, or use the opportunity when the other is out of town to work late.’s fine to want something… but feeling entitled to something as if it’s owed to you? maybe i could use some voice of reason here, but i'd like to think i'm not totally insane either.(yeah if he doesn't call me or contact me for 3-4 days thn i began to wonder but i have never stopped him as i understand the value of family n frends) then i said y don u call it off he says he really loves me but he needs someone who can understand him. me and this guy have been talking for two n half months. i don't see how you can become you, the partner until you have mastered being you on your own. is a great article and puts things into perspective and i can see that whereas i am not needy in terms of my actions, don’t text or call repeatedly or get upset if time passes that he doesn’t respond, not inviting the man out too early on, not asking why questions, not making future plans, but still showing interest —well, i still feel that either i met the most commitment phobic man of all times, i might just appear needy, or he is the wrong guy. i asked him yesterday, to tell me the deal, if he was into me or not, and if no then i'd rather be friends.

Dating too busy to call me ill understand

when we find time for a date night (which happens once every two weeks or so), dh is not engaged in our conversations unless it is spent discussing the details of each case he is working on (i’m also a lawyer, but practice in a different area that has no overlap with his). the same way, if the place you are coming from is a place of desperateness, fear, worry or a need for him to respond in a certain way or you’ll be upset, then it will come across as “needy behavior”. would like to take the approach and pull back from calling him. i mean he sends me goodmorning texts and calls me to say goodnight…and its a equal balance i don’t do all the calling sometimes its him., you’re right — even when you’re crazy busy, it takes almost zero time to send a quick text/email or call and reach out to the other person. anytime he was on my side of town i would get a text from him and we would talk but still nothing came of us. he said he barely has time for himself let alone anything else, again apologizes for bad timing, tells me he's not dating anyone else(he took down his online profile after we met) i asked if he wanted to pursue something with me if so i could be patient and he said he wants to but with the way things are going, it won't be until end of jan when his schedule goes back to normal..he then asked me to come over to his house to talk about it instead of just talking over the phone. of course i understood - he is a busy guy. i fell into the same trap, and it’s hard to see you are doing it, while you are doing it. it was always something and i was always the one left holding the short end of the stick and getting put at the end of the priority list. i'm just gonna let it be and whatever god has in store will come. however, i told him with a little notice i could get time off from work, a few days here & there. 6 years ago from nyjennybell -the big "tell" here is that he doesn't call you to tell you something came up. please help me get over him, as i think i am in too deep in terms of feelings. he told me he hasn't even had time to think about us. but then again why would he text me every day. i’ve learned to develop the habit of knowing that when he’s a little more distant, this is a great time for me to get my stuff done. you’ve also got some nice benefits to which, if you were to get married, he might be entitled..and he offered to buy me some gym dumbles so i can exercise while im in his place or if ever i miss going to gym. my parents think i should pick someone who can be more committed to me and my friends say similar. so speak the truth…and i just recently met a guy, off the jump, we connected and he said, he i like you and u are everything i want in a woman, be my girlfriend…. we live about 45 minutes away from each other, so it makes it a little difficult to spend some time together specially now that he has two jobs and its starting college again. i tend to put the people in my life who i love the most first, and sometimes he puts his commitments first and gets around to the people he loves when he has satisfied his commitments. admit she's busy -- whatever led you to believe that was probably correct. its been a month now and im giving him the space he asked me for, and i feel alot better for it. i don’t see the point of a boyfriend who i have to play boyfriend to, not girlfriend, and feel that is simply a friends with benefits arrangement so that they can go off and spend their time and money dating other women. if something comes up he doesn't call me to tell me somethin came u because he says he does not want to disappoint me. whne he had to go back to his home station we decided we are going to get to know each other. met a guy about 4 months ago through an extracurricular activity at school, where i am a graduate student and he is pursuing a phd in another field. one day he didn’t talk to me and i realized i missed hima nd liked him. getting back to this summer though, just two weeks ago he told me that anytime i can’t come up and visit him, he’s going to hang out with his group of friends (which included his ex-girlfriend) and he told me that it is next to impossible for him to prevent it from happening because his family and sister are such good friends with her and her family. if your guy doesn’t call you or call you back for a night, are you suppose to act like it doesn’t bother you? then you become unhappy – and you can’t hide your true feelings. think when we add kids this will be a whole different ball game, and have very much enjoyed reading responses that talk about how y’all balance it all.. made me feel like an idiot in front of my frends. he's even apologised about the fact that his training takes up a lot of his free time but that it comes with his job. i know that was a joke, but it triggered feelings in me that have felt unresolved. he is more in love with his friends than me half of the time.) i decide to give it another try and message him to meet up, since we both were busy no harm done. he’ll be astounded the first time you demand he take time off for you & the kids, & will accuse you of being nonsupportive but successful academics have organized lives that let them have time off and you can sweetly point out that there have been no impediments to him pulling all-nighters to get ready for the visit.! he has been single for quite a while (we have mutual friends and she confirmed this to me and i had gotten that impression anyway) and therefore he is used to doing favours for friends and not having any ties so i guess he is having trouble fitting a woman into his life.. ok my boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me because he was always busy with work (he has three jobs, and is also studying) and he felt like he was being unfair to me because he knew i would always get upset when i didn't see him. i got from remy’s comment was that a guy bad sex with her and dated her briefly only to leave her suddenly with no chance for a goodbye before she went to japan. it was awful, really took a toll on me emotionally, physically, grades wise, etc.'s just that's hard to do, i can't just let him walk all over me, but then again i guess i have done. have touched our (women’s) psyche like no one else could. recently his ex came back into our lives saying a bunch of stuff like how she is pregnant and it is his and she is basically stalking us. i was thinking the distance would give me time to mend, find myself and calm down. woke me up accusing me that i was “cheating whore” due to seeing the e-mails i get here. i don't mean going to his favorite restaurant instead of yours, or sitting through scarface for the 10th time, or cleaning the bathroom, or going out of your way to stop and get malamars for him. the truth is, i’m well aware that jumping into another relationship is probably the last thing i should do and honestly not what i’m looking for but i had such chemistry with this guy that i welcomed the physical attraction. off, i want to make it clear that when i’m talking about neediness i’m not talking about it like it’s some woman-centric behavior. but lately this is the only time we see each other. he responded two days later saying that he's been real busy with work he's an independent construction engineer and is raising his granddaughter, that as soon as he has time to put his thoughts down he will let me know. absolutely agree with your decision not to move this time.  if you get it, he’ll be better positioned to hear about new jobs in the same amazing field, and to network with others. i know that i deserve someone that takes the time to be with me. before i broke up with him, i met an amazing witty guy and probably i realised that i had jumped into a commitment too soon and broke off things with the bf. he keeps distance till he knows me a bit better ,he lives far so that makes it a bit hard that why he prefers face to face contact before he decides anything ,is that normal?’s a mindset where the individual (male or female) believes they *need* the other person to do, say or be something in a certain, specific way… or else they won’t be ok (they’ll be emotionally upset). realize you didn't say anything about marriage, but i think the thought implied is basically the same. i requested this break 2 months ago, in hopes that it would give him the space he needed in his man cave and some time to miss me; he agreed.)if he expects you to bend then he has to do some bending in return. he'd email, but for some reason he really just hated the phone. when i say that my ex had a busy schedule, he was distant both physically and emotionally, mostly for personal reasons that he had to work out on his own. but he was raised in an extremely traditional home (i doubt his father knows how to make a sandwich), and the imprint of that surfaced after our son was born. i just wish he had the guts to tell me this, but he kind of kept me on hold instead for several months and tried to do so for another four months (until he would come visit me, as we live in different countries in europe). a year later and i had no friends, relied on him to keep me entertained, hell i even stopped paying rent and when he encourged me to do things i would tell him i couldnt or i’d try and give up at the first sign of trouble. my biggest concerns are: 1) lack of phone calls, 2) unable to see each other for 3 months, 3) should i stay or leave? did you email this quesiton to me a few months ago? a mother is supposed to make nutritious meals with her own hands from scratch, and be there for every family dinner, and be responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs and doctor’s appointments and social calendar and homework, and plan all the minutiae of a child’s life, and attend all the performances, and plan elaborate birthday, easter, christmas, thanksgiving, fourth of july, st. this hit a nerve with me because throughout our entire relationship, i was constantly surrounded by his ex-girlfriends. he says hes sooooo busy & having family drama with his mother being behind in rent, his aunt having health problems & he might be transfered to a different dept in his job., that i didn’t feel the need to compete with him at that moment. the rough thing happened to him at work just the day after our first date so i didn’t at all expect him to text or call me during such a tough time and was totally fine texting him first to make sure he’s fine and feels cared. that freaked me out and i told him that it wasn’t working for me and i didn’t speak to him for about a week, but i felt that i was too hasty and decided to give it another go..so he's all excited we pick back up he's texting/calling me for a week before we had decided to meet up. also, that a nephew of a best friend would be caring for his house and dog until he returned home.'m thinking of not initiating meetups for the coming 4 months to allow myself to catch some breath. it happened to be a night he texted me, how are you doing? really no phone call or even wanting to hang out by saying he'll make time after finals? i just don’t know why he keeps coming back to me. not all the time, but occasionally i say, “remember when you planned the birthday party? i actually think this guy balances out because i am busy and he is busy and between all that we find time to talk. any man who bypasses marrying a woman that he loves because the time is not right, well i think he is just not the marrying kind. please believe me when i tell you i can see the wonder in that..we are so free to meet at his place since he have his own place. before he met you he had his own hobbies, interests, friends, work and studies. i got a bit desperate (since i apparently couldn't keep waiting around) and sent him a long e-mail saying that i completely understand he's busy but i'm confused by his saying he wanted to hang out and be in a relationship when we met up 3 weeks ago, but now not calling or making actual plans, and that i am willing to wait however long even a month from now and will stop texting him or annoying him if he just lets me know if he is interested in pursuing this as he had said. met someone at the beginning of my travels, and well simply put, it was an amazing connections. but he would flirt and kinda linger as though he wanted to kiss me then. overall he agreed but still seemed disconneted and i fear that maybe he doesn't want to work through this, as when ive asked he doesn't respond. that you came in confrontational, i’m happy to have given you a non-sugarcoated, blunt response. this new guy is so compatible with me, and he adores me back the way i do. we ended up getting in an argument because i felt he gave me his word and i was really bummed he didn't make time for us. it’s not everyday that a wonderful relationship comes along and changes your life for the better. i cut it off again, he started back calling, and now has started textn again, i have asked him to stop, but he act as though, he doesn’t understand. am i upset that we didn’t hang out last night, no, but i am upset that he said he’d do something and didn’t do it. and because i would often cancel plans on him, to sit at home and write a paper, he'd make other plans (which was a normal reaction) but i had a problem with the fact that it was usually always with girls. my work is international, which means i’m routinely gone over the weekends.’s what helped me:1) being brutally honest with my husband before marriage about my past. we get along good besides the sex, we actually have deep conversations, so i don't think he is using me and actually has feelings for me. he initiated all the interactions with you, and in such a way that you were completely satisfied with it and understood not to call him. since he has had this job he has been gone during the whole week and home on weekends or he is gone for 2 or 3 weeks at a time if he is traveling far away. he just texted me at 12:30 am "sweetie i'm sorry crazy day. yet despite i am busy 7 days a week (days, nights, weekends), i am able to call him every other nights to say hi to him or drop him messages in yahoo..and if he see me after work, would that tire him more? but world, please believe me when i say that everything else in this relationship was wonderful! it does sound like you're both busy with work, but that fact alone is to me a sign that he isn't interested, or chasing after you. at the time, i was not sure how to take our time difference and was a bit insecure about our relationship. 6 years ago the truth of the matter is, if a guy wants to see you he will make the time and see you.” to me it seems like frantic behavior that gets women into the neediness catagory."i forgot to mention, i am divorced too and have kids, he has met my kids. like if you didn’t want to hook up, he’d get pissed and say it was your mistake and your fault that he wanted something and you didn’t give it to him…. moreover, he shouldn’t leave you hanging without a heads-up if he thinks he’s going to be late after setting a time. he's not that into you and his excuses are really thin and lame. he was very afraid of losing me but said if that's what i want to do that's fine since there's not much he could do about it from south africa but he doesn't think he can be able to let me go even if i let him go. the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time., yeah, for him, it is not acceptable that a mother is only spending an hour here and there and then some block time w/ “his” children. i wish his heart will tell him to be with me and not let me go. i am really resisting the urge to text him or call him, but don't want to seem clingy. we fell immediately in love, dated long distance for about eight months, and then he moved to nyc until i finished law school. it felt great, his actions (not just words) showed so much interest in me. we had a chat few days ago and he says he love me but he's afraid that he can't commit to me because of work. secretaries sometimes coordinate our schedules, we schedule the baby as a “resource” — like a conference room, we support each other, and integrate our lives and careers. i'm a full time student and i work part time (most of the weekend and weekday nights), and also work in a lab (though my hours are flexible). he emailed me saying we cud be in touch if i like his profile. dont wanna mess things up and dont want him to feel annoyed, so what should i do? and he constantly tells me that i'm the best thing that's ever happened to him.. you are priceless" , i have told him i like him and he says ' i like you too dudette' , i feel he uses the word dudette to emphasise that he likes me as a person than in that way. i don’t know much about academia except from being a student… but might that explain why he’s had a tough time getting tenure? i really want to get to know him better, but it’s not happening thru the text messages., now he will text me in the morning but i get no response at night anymore. i've also talked to him about having a future in this relationship but he couldn't give me a clear answer. i asked for the break because it had gotten odd at the end, as i felt it my heart that he may be seeing someone else. i heard somewhere men often withdraw into their cave to sort out their problem when they are going through hard time and come back once their problems are resolved. i understand that this is not a bad problem to have, but sometimes it does get frustrating. same way you “know” a bad salesman couldn’t give a s*** about you and just wants to shove a product down your throat. do you think i should just break off the relationship or devote one day a week to spend time with him? somedays he will text me quite often throughout the day, other days, like today, i havent heard from him at all. be happy that she has returned your phone call - 24 hours is not unreasonable.. whenever i tried talking about the future , its always him he fixed a time for marrige after his mba, btw interesting point is that he has not planned when he will enroll for this course. but after my undergrad, i went to grad school and things changed dramatically. the other thing i want to add is that i think you're leaving some of the components of the situation out. he doesn't really txt me now that much claims hes to busy and i just wait and wait. more recently (20+ yrs later) he found me on facebook and laid out his self-centered reason for his actions. i met this guy in october on a dating site, we realized we both grew up in the same area. if i am annoyed with him he will keep calling me and texting me, but this time its different, i have forced myself not to contact him cause that usually worries him,but he hasn't contacted me either. all he did was not call you after a football game.'m from an active family and i love to travel around, be outdoors, hike, suntan on the meadow, horseback ride, you name it. if he promised to meet you somewhere at a specific time and then didn’t, that’s definitely a situation where you should be angry. husband and i (8 yrs) have similar resumes and met in class in law school. it makes you wish you could have realized what you were doing before it was too late.&donethat 8 years ago my problem is when you are dating someone and in the beginning they are willing to make time to spend with you despite both your busy schedules. who is constantly upset about things other people did or didn’t do isn’t someone i want in my life – it’s only a matter of time before i’m the one getting blamed for their unhappiness. he also started saying he’d call at such and such time and wouldnt at all. his best friend said i should give it some time and that he really needs a girl like me because i helped him stay sober through so much. he doesn't like this and rarely makes the effort to spend a time like this with me. don't go on 'dates' because he doesn't have much money and he actually owes my £330 which he has not paid me back since last october and i know he's embarrassed about it so i don't mention it often,but when i see that he can afford weed and crates of beers it really irritates me.. everything you say about neediness and where it comes from is so true. however, i am always getting the feeling that he doesn't have enough time for me." and the real question for me is - do i? it has gotten to the point i will deliberately try to spend more time alone or cherish my time at home more. my name is victoria but most people forget & call me veronica ;)i'm in a similar situation as many here. i met someone about a month ago, who told me upfront that he was inconsistent and had a busy schedule but didn't mean anything by it. believe me, i would not be asking you if i had not already asked him. if after 5 months of dating and not one compliment given except the occasional ” you look nice” is not needy? and when you are feeling out of control with that, talk to a friend or go out or do something, don't take it out on him, that's all. i felt that i had to keep the peace, to be understanding, patient, to reach out to a guy more in order to compensate for his busy schedule, social shortcomings, cultural differences, etc. now i am crying over someone i haven't even kissed before?

  • What If She's Too Busy For You? - AskMen

    this let my mom get the kitchen back in order and catch her breath, and their time together every evening was very important to them both. therefore, when i saw your comment, it broke my heart that i actually felt amibivalent about someone who i now care about so much. it felt silly and artificial, but all kinds of things would come out that we had no idea the other person felt or even that we ourselves felt, and it made us feel much closer to one another. the moment it’s impossible for him to call my mobile or even text me, i cant contact him on the internet since he dont use facebook/only go on it once a month or less, hes mac wont let him sign on msn, and he dont use skype either…. i am trying to re-evalute a lot of things in my life and i have an amazing guy who has been sticking with me through it all for the past 7 years. i think because he is always there, because he sends me romantic things, because it’s so easy (even though i thought that is what i wanted) i do like him and respect him yes, but i do not feel head over heels with him even though i literally like every. which means we’ll have to move (again), and i’ll have to figure out how to re-balance everything (again) with a new job (if i can find one). he use to love talking to me and now i barely hear from him. many men likes it straight (doesn’t mean coming on strong). after all, i didn't want to see her compromise her time for me, especially when she is busy saving the universe from falling..then i took that opportunity to open up about my worries and concern about our relationship. i mean i feel like the abandoned housewife and its only the 2nd month of the relationship! but this time getting back together he told me he could see us getting married and that he was crazy in love with me and we should move in together.– id really appreciate it if someone could help me with this as soon as possible? but now i’ve made my life so full that i know there will always be something to do if i want, and i will never feel laser focused on a guy. regarding the original post, i think there’s a huge mental piece of the puzzle. 6 years ago enjoyed the article, extremely well written and composed. then he did it again a couple weeks later and i called him out on it asking what was up, etc. is that my fault, am i just too high maintenance and needy? i know he is busy bc he wrks civil service 4mer military. but now i’ve met someone, i realize i have no idea how to make a relationship work anymore. the other day i spoke to him and he said he hasn't given up on us but he's not sure he wants to be with me. our couple friend who introduced us flipped when they heard this cause apparently he's never done that and i'm usually reluctant to meet people's family..or is it too early to discuss this with him yet? but we believe that by doing things for them will somehow make them more invested in us…. i always worried it would come up some day if i ran for office, etc. i am confident and myself and yet, like you, i expect a good level of respect and commitment from the guy, and yet they get angry and defensive when i say what i want (an actual call to hear their voice etc, to know when they want to see me in advance – all just common courtesy i extend to my friends). i requested a break from my boyfriend/bestfriend of 5 years because he was commitment phobic, or so i thought. means you get really, really clear on what your deal-breakers are and when they happen, you walk. i work 8-5, go to school 5- 7 three days a week, do side admin work and raise 2 boys on my own at the moment. (as always, apologies in advance for every time i say “he” or “the guy” — i really just mean the person you’re dating. so i sat down and asked him , wat is the real thing then he says there is nothing just u need to stop being so selfish , let us take it slow (after 4 yrs) and i feel u don't undersatnd me , (if he is not letting me know how will i ever know? and my answer is the same today as it was then: its when you stop thinking about yourself first. when ever i wanted some time with him alone , after so much of asking we used to go out have a cuppa coffee spend 30-40 min together in the cafe. it worked for a bit, met one guy after another and went on some let's say interesting dates, then finally i meet this guy 6 months ago on the site. i am obviously on the same situation and decided not to text him and try to move on but at the moment he still is in my mind and heart and feel like i hate myself for not being able to move on so quickly.. i went online to see if he was on after we spoke, he was and i called him on it.” i said no i didn’t know and that i think of him and appreciated him being in our lives, he wrote same here but then never texted me again. i don’t think i’ve ever scared away someone who was interested, but who knows? that night he told me that things would change, and he did make changes in some respect, but i, also, felt like every-time i told him how uncomfortable i was and how i wished he would stop talking to his exes, he made me feel as though i was asking him to cut off his left leg, and i could tell he was starting to resent me for it. i mean, what am i supposed to do with that? on the other hand, i feel my pride is stripped away by him not responding to my calls, and by him putting his career first, his family second, and me third. montoya 4 years ago from usai met this guy thru a common friend we started exchanging texts and chat for a while. at times he told me he didnt love me anymore because he had no time to love anyone. im having the same problem too and really need a advice! i wanted him to respect my feelings, and he told me that he was hurt because he felt as though i didn’t trust him. seems like he wants to live with me as a wife, so why not marry me? he still wants to see me and talk to me, and he still wants to know how i am, what i've been up to, etc. i told him just introduce me as a "friend" and slowly go from there. the daughter of parents who both worked full-time, i really just want to say that i think your post highlights some of the really good things about having adults other than biological parents involved in “parenting” children. he wants to be 100% in medicine, which is admirable, but i wish he was also just as ambitious when it comes to us. i just think it takes an amazing amount of maturity and self-awareness, and apparently at least at that time, we didn’t have it. he works a 9-5 job, but also shoots events (he's a photographer) during weird hours and sometimes on weekends. once they do win the affections of the other person this does not mean that they no longer have to put any effort into maintaining a relationship. i am highly competitive and i knew i would not be able to set that competitive spirit aside, which would make for some awkward times in the relationship. she calls and texts him and i also and getting the impression that he has a crush on her but she put him in the friend zone years ago. he also said that it wasn't like he was seeing other women, and that he barely even has time to see his friends, who - according to him - he constantly overbooks too. he makes time for me and even though it is short time, it is all ours when it happens. it kind of seems like since he has bagged me he has gotten complacent. if you're calling her during the week and she still has her dating profile up, and you call, say, on a monday afternoon, here is a possible situation:Monday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed. feel comfortable with knowing my boyfriend loves me and is committed to our relationship in the long run. we work opposite schedules & do not have same days off. things have slowed down for me whilst we are in the immigration process, but this issue of him devoting so much of his time outside of our relationship keeps cropping up for me. i don’t want to scare him off ( also we met maybe like 3 weeks ago) so i don’t know how to show that i care without seeming needy, please help. but at the end of the day, he is doing great work, and i am doing great work, and our finances are combined- so it doesn’t matter who gets the promotion, since either way our income increases.?is this just a case of him not being quite that interested in me? we fight and then things get better and then i forget about what we fought about and make the same mistake over. omg forget about calling him, i can never get him on the phone, when he does answer he tells me to call back in 10 mins and when i do he doesnt answer, it really gets me upset. he took it the wrong way and was hurt by it, and said he just likes me a lot and hasn’t met anyone he likes in a while. led to me always complaining about him not having days off and how i want to spend time with him. he’s got me looking like an idiot and i need to protect myself and daughter.) join a professional organization where you will likely mingle with other like minded men. your inability to do the same may be a turn-off. it is still early days and it would be more concerning if he dropped everything to spend all his time with someone he’s only recently met. oh, before he took of i casually asked if he was seeing any other girls and he said no, not since we 'seeing each other' which was 7months ago. which means i cannot afford to be a stay-at-home mom, which is what he’s effectively demanding (though he’ll never admit it). that he don’t want to ruin anything with me. i fully understand you trying to “understate it” yet … if you were looking forward to hanging out with your friend and they didn’t call … you’d be upset right? know you recently did a post on dating someone making less money/having more time, and i really enjoyed it. had a problem with my boyfriend i met him a dating site and we start texting each other for 3 weeks until we decided to met. why would that make someone become so evil and hurtful? but i want an outing,he says he will bring me out when the it's holiday. each of us would get the “floor” and talk about something that was bothering us. i personally could not live spacegeek’s life but i don’t judge her for doing what she can to make things work for her family (and frankly, for um or anyone else who may be doubting, i think we can all agree there are worse situations for kids than lots of time spent with a nanny they love, and grandparents). he’s happy he has a seconds chance in life to start a relationship with me and for me never to think i’m not a top priority (if so i need to check myself) (that's why he would pop up at my job or call me to see if i could see him after work so he could see me) eventually he will make plans he wants to go to trips with me he sees me in his future but finance is a tight, just give him some time. we are still living 4000 miles apart (immigration process is in progress)and i wonder if i struggle with him being so busy due to the distance or whether it is something i will struggle with when we are married and living together full-time? then, he continued to keep texting me but the texts were colder and sometimes he wouldn’t get back to me for a few days when before he would always answer me right back and text a lot of things., while my aversion to grocery shopping with a child is seen as practically a moral flaw, my husband practically wins “father of the year” from the amalgamated board of busybodies every time he walks into trader joes with our kid., september we didn't get together often but he still called & texted at least every day to every other day. we became official after out third date because he just liked me so much and had to have me to himself. says that he wishes we went back to the beginning and changed where it all went wrong, and that we'd stop blaming each other for things and just enjoy the time we have together. recommend that you look for a guy who is interested in you for your personality and brains, not your looks. and when i answered him he didn’t text me back that night and i just felt even more alone. you are right, we don’t see the children as often as some people might prefer, but this works for us. my boyfriend chris and i, broke up about a month ago because he said he was about to be really busy and he tells me things that he has to do all the time and it is a lot of stuff but one of his ex’s is putting up pictures of her and him, and her and his son, as he profile pictures on facebook and i don’t know whether he is lying to me about leaving me for her or telling me the truth and i cant think of any reason why he would be lying to me but i don’t want to be doped. really don’t think it’s a case of me not having other things to do.) i never thought how bad it hurt my kids to have someone there, then gone the next day 🙁. you are not needy and any time he sees you or is thinking of you, he feels good (or better yet, feels like he wants more of you), then you’ll be all set. regarding the job competitiveness:  let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that your resumes, your interpersonal skills, and your personalities are 100% the same — and so no one has a hobby or area of study that helps them bond with the interviewer better. after a few months, we decided to move into an apartment together. anyone, i also have similar problem with him saying he's busy. he will not talk to me now unless it is absolutely necessary.“…so on some level i am kind of concerned that his parents think i’m just going to quit my job anyway in five years and have kids so i might as well quit it now. also have decided that our compensation as physicians is more than adequate and that we don’t have to max out our potential income — i may cut back to less that fulltime when/if we have kid #2, and he has already chosen a job that considers 4 clinic days a week to be fulltime.. we’re in a relationship now that someone said we’re in a relationship. so i called my girl up and made plans with her. said that you both use to travel & did some ld stints premise. his response was "i don't know", so i felt like all this time i've been patient with him trying to supportive and now he tells me this. within the 1st month he said he was ready & wants a serious relationship & wanted to try with me. he finally decided to make the sacrifice to “allow” me to move and take a good job and start grad school. i know getting back together is a rocky situation and perhaps i answered my own question the first time i broke up with him becuase i felt that his heart wasn't really in it. however, he also said it is hard because he works when i'm in school and likes to have his time to do fun things on the weekends. i realized that i did that and i put all of myself into him and the relationship above everything else so when he needed time apart, i was devastated because all of my happiness was coming from that relationship. when we started he was in india for a visit and came back a month back. if & when he passes his pre-tenure review (3-5 yrs into the job) then it’s time for you to move the kids & yourself to be with him (or move on). we feel a deep connection intuitively, express our feelings for each other, make plans for the future, and get along really awesome when we do date/hang out which averages out to once a week longer date and short visits in between – the time together is there but the trials of setting it up and getting it right is tough! i think if i'd just take a step back before i start freaking out it'd make things better too. if the same isn’t reciprocicated i read it as him not wanting to see me..i can actually relate my experience to many comments posted here. so yes i have been there and done that too, i don't want a "family". i have an ex from high school who emotionally and verbally abused me. we both also have significant student loans and stable incomes are necessary to pay them off. reading this hub i see a relationship situation echoing that i've been engaged in many times and still am..but this past week has been hell i have to beg him to call me back and im pretty sure its because everytime we talk all i find myself talking about is trying to make him give us another chance. i felt like he was watching me and raining on my parade! it wrong for me to say that since i earn more than he does that he should move to my current city once his contract ends? there’s no doubt in my mind that he is happy dating someone with more or less equivalent education and salary but it is something that other people seem to think reflects poorly of him. ago saw ad bout job i was really interested in ,got msg back ,after a while realised its the same guy i was dating few years back. a mother is supposed to make nutritious meals with her own hands from scratch, and be there for every family dinner, and be responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs and doctor’s appointments and social calendar and homework, and plan all the minutiae of a child’s life, and attend all the performances, and plan elaborate birthday, easter, christmas, thanksgiving, fourth of july, st.’m a single mom, so my little one has learned to hang out near me doing his own thing. i didn’t text him when i used to all the time and guess what today he did txt me after one month. it seems to me that you outlined feeling too attached as a possible negative for you and your relationship. current, cohabiting so (of 3 years) is in a totally different field from me, but prior to that i dated almost all people i met through school/work–in other words, people in the same field or similar. the reality tv star argues that her nude photo empowers women, perhaps we. rather than being in denial and shifting the blame onto him by thinking he was a committmeny phobe, asl yourself why you stayed in a relationship where you were treated poorly. 7 years ago from nylexis,some people are embarrassed to admit they have to do things with their families. maybe because he was taking a course back then so he wasn't as busy as he is now. i barely text him first and never call him coz he doesnt want to be on the phone and i respect it. such a cool guy, he turns me on in many ways. but reading what you ladies have said makes me feel confident that someone better can be found.“my husband practically wins ‘father of the year’ from the amalgamated board of busybodies every time he walks into trader joes with our kid. also read some of your other articles & im soo glad that i found this website…youre really helpful! dated a hedge fund principal who told me that i was great and gorgeous, but never seemed to have time to see me or even to respond to emails. i felt like i'm a bad person for breaking someone's heart..because of this busy life he currently have, i felt neglected and rejected. :(now let me say that when we are together in person he is great! you find out some information about him and what he is up to now without him knowing it (i.)it's hard when all this is going on to see the bottom line, because all the arguments for and against are good, and incomplete. probably isn’t too late (unless you did something really crazy that you didn’t mention here…). is this guy that i first met back in september last year, and while we tried to make it work, we decided to be friends., i think i have found the very person that can help me with my problem with my too clingy boyfriend. i've known him since we were young(er), for 7 years already (but we weren't always together for that time, it was off and on), and he does often talk about us having a future together. then again, those kinds of dates tend to have the same understanding about you in return. i was constantly cancelling plans on him last minute, or saying that i could only come up for a day instead of the weekend because i was falling behind in school trying to keep up with our old routine. knew he was a every outgoing guy, life of the party and all that, but it's just when we go out together to a party he is so afraid of looking like one of those couples who sits in the corner all loved up and don't talk to anyone that he acts as if i'm not even there most of the time and i have to pretend that that doesn't hurt me (not a good combination with alcohol haha) i have told him about this and said i feel like he is ashamed of me and he assures me that's not the case 'he just doesn't know how to act' but its been 8 months. nothing about this sounds good, so the fact that he's changed and can't make time anymore is more than significant. can try and direct women how they can build a network for emotional support. three days before my actual wedding, he sent me a text saying that he was going to sabotage my marriage. we talked about this and he said he realised he should make the time we spend to gether more quatlity and he did improve. i shortly thereafter met my husband, who was also very busy, but the difference was that he made time for me. coz he knows my family lots of communication happened with my bro and dad they were happy too. he’s said that if that happened he’d make my loan payments for me but i don’t like that idea, particularly when i know he could be easily employed where i currently live. i dont feel hes the same maybe caus hes older n more independent.. finally he said he cant hear me talking all this coz if i really love him thn i wudn ask him all this. why does he keep coming back after so many times of telling him i’m good carry on? he has a full-time job, is a full-time student, gets his kids (he's a great dad), and is a ref for football. i do not bombard him with texts or calls, i do not send texts to “check on him” every hour, but i do get moody if he doesn’t text or call for long hours even though i know that he’s very devoted to me and his lack of texting or calling is only because of work. you’re important to him, even a very important surgeon can and will make time., may i add he is four years older than me. if you aren’t ready to live with the outcome of that, it sounds like you guys need help. to leave him alone and hope maybe he will miss me and give us another chance?
  • What It Really Means When Your Love Interest Is 'Too Busy To

    .but then came aug 14th, and he called me after working that night and i told him "if you think im going to keep doing this for 6-8 more months youre crazy! you’re basically telling her that it’s bull**** to expect someone not to desert you after being physically intimate and building expectations for at least a friendship, even when you’re about to leave for another country for over a year. of your articles have been really helpful to me because i used to get really angry when my boyfriend was hanging out with his friends and wouldn’t answer because he said he was “busy” and i’ve learned from reading your articles that he and i have different ideas of what busy means. i had the “aha” moment because i truly did not realize i was doing this. will just also add he has commented that he in past relationships he hasn't wanted to fully commit and kept them at arms length and he doesn't talk about the future. hours a week is not “too much” for a woman to have children – particularly if some of that work is being done from home, as spacegeek indicated. these thoughts go away when we meet, because like i mentioned when we meet the chemistry is still strong and present, but if this only exists when we meet is there something to be worried about?(2)being too available, too needy, whining and whinging (the quickest way to send a man running for the hills let me tell you). i don’t know if i have caused too much damage and should just walk away or is there hope for things to get better?“um”, i’d bet everyone on this site who has kids works 12 hour days from time to time, if not routinely. that may scare them away and you will become the victim of your own emotions after all. and as far as relationships go, why in the world would you continue to keep choosing someone who isn’t what you want?, we did have a serious commitment, we didn't see anyone else, and he told me everynight that this is the best thing that has ever happened in his life and he put me up there with his kids, he just freaked out on me one night and said all those things, that he doesn't know what he wants. since he moved home for the summer from university, we have been spending everyday together..and the night he broke up with me he said, we can take a break and if we are meant to be then we will find each other again. i sent a flirtatious message in response to a video he’d sent me, keen to spark a reaction, he replied but i’ve barely heard from him since. but i'm going to take his advise and work on me! i am not sure if he no longer likes me but i'm confused because he tells me everyday out of the blue that he really cares about me. he will reach out to me eventually but i am not feeling fulfilled at all. a call back the same day would be nice, not late night the day after. a guy: i’m afraid the guys i like will never want me back. it just makes me sad because i really believe if i would have known now what i didn’t know then, things would have probably worked out, at least for longer than they did. time heals (almost) all wounds, and it is very possible that your ex has not spent nearly as much time thinking about you as you have about him. i have asked him a lot of times to give each other space but he always tells me we don't have to end up that way. busy so and i have been together just over three years. 9 years ago i know that sometimes some tend to be overbearring and overly clingy. he would take breaks from the hospital and write me the longest, most hilarious emails.. am now confused how to go about with this matter…please advice me i feel out of words…oooopps i don’t know. they are emotionally less in touch with themselves and dont think about stuff as much as women do. one of the first pieces of career advice i got, years ago, was from a friend’s overachieving mom, who told me, “never tell your friends about jobs you’re applying for. i hope i didn’t mess things up, but i thought it was better to speak my mind rather than hold it inside. but neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too! my bf knows me & this guy are close (we send each other xmas & bday gifts every years for example) and he knows we will meet; and yet, even this didn't make him go (i'm thinking some natural protectiveness over me would make him go. latley, he’s been growing distant and i want to text him something like” goodmorning have a good day and it was nice seeing you yesterday” but i don’t know if it will be needy. really want to talk to him but should i hold this feeling in and call him like every 2days or should i leave it for even longer? we've being going out for three years (living together for two) and she's just had to move home to hong kong (i'm in the uk) - she's been gone two weeks and has said she doesn't want a relationship since she's too busy/stressed. is one thing in being needy, but how do you know you aren’t dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable and they are using an excuse to call you needy? he doesn’t feel a connection and you deserve to find someone who does. when we first met i could get him to stop calling or texting me, now he makes excuses that he gets too busy at work ( he owns a small up and coming construction company) i understand the demands of his career and he does have two children ( 10 and 6) he is 33 and i am 25, i am in school studying to be a nurse so i am busy also, but i just feel like i make more of an effort than he does..but that doesn't make me so busy that i cannot answer my phone for 1 second, or even be too busy to return a phone call for over 24 hours. than he had work stuff come up which i knew were importan, but there came a time that it seem like i was putting to much effort into things and he wasent. does it occur to men at all that you might be all she has to maybe take her to the hospital or stay with her or help her to the bathroom. but we try to have evenings at least once/month together and we do many bbqs etc with other families so that we can be social and together at the same time. back in high school, i dated a guy who had a longtime girlfriend..he said he already made up his mind and that he needs to be alone right now because he cant give me the attention i need. 3) i think you hit the nail when you said “a man marry when it is the right time. i like everyone else am dealing with a boyfriend who is "too busy". people observe a v interesting theme that runs through this concept of “neediness”…it seems as though the more a female chases the more a male runs…it is evident that it is quite universal from reading the majority of posts….'ve had just the weekends for each other and it was almost exclusively me commuting to the city we both come from (and he lives in and lived while i was studying 4 hrs by train away). while i do have a job and am going to school full time, i still have lots of time/void that i want him to fill. am now in-house and re-“married” (long-term fiance — there are former spouse and children legal/financial issues). just a little over a year ago he got a job that he would be doing some traveling and some work locally. i have basically treated him as a crutch and looked for him to validate my happiness so much to the point that when he got sick of how i was treating him i misunderstood it for him not caring about my feelings and what i wanted. if i call talks for 5-10 min if time exceeds , he is angry at me. a good friend of my husband started texting me right away and he said he was just making sure i was ok and also that we were comforting each other through the loss. it’s not a men behavoir, only how your bad lover is acting. he cared about my feelings and hated that something bother me so badly. in thinking about what you want from a relationship it might be you need someone who will put you first and desire a partnership where you spend a lot of time together.“so, yeah, for him, it is not acceptable that a mother is only spending an hour here and there and then some block time w/ “his” children. had a couple cancel dates because either he was sick a couple times, had a minor car accident(once) where he was at fault or he lost track of the time (once). nothing against lawyers, who are some of my best friends, but all we do is talk shop and i didn’t want that for a husband. understand the male of the species isnt the most sensitive creature in the world but i don’t understand why its ok if he rejects me but if i do it to him its the end of the world. but a part of me just doesn't know if this is real and i don't know what to do. in a true relationship the man and women are working together and want to get married because they love each other. so before he left he said he wanted me to prove him wrong, that he does want to be with me, but that right now he feels like moving is a vacation. we are both busy people, however recently i am getting fed up because i don't think we spend enough time together. it's good to hear it from someone else that i need to disappear for a bit; gives me the motivation to do it. reading that did open my eyes to make me see that by contacting him first i've set the balance to make myself the chaser in this situation, which i never thought of before. but he doesn’t ever want to do anything with me..i should feel bad if he is busy with other things. i have had a hard time going on in my life with some stress. don't consider myself clingy and hell yeah i have my life (university + freelance design job + part-time job) but i just wish we've spent our time more creatively and more intensively. i didn't care, i said ok, no harm done, let's try it again, so we start doing the whole talking on the phone, texting, e-mailing whatever wanting to meet, up. i don’t think he should see more of you at the moment and i don’t think he is doing anything to suggest he doesn’t like you. i am getting the feeling that i am like a mistress or something and i am not sure how to bring up the topic.” though i only know him for a short time, but i have this feeling that he is the right guy because he is a very honorable person and will be a good model to be the father of our kids. i'd rather be alone all the time, than with the man i really love some of the time. you’re the type of person that will leave when someone treats you badly, you’ll find that people will generally treat you very well. i’m a bigfirm litigator, he’s a banker turned high-ish level regulator, we both serve on a decent handful of boards and have a couple county/state level appointments. big short, the film adaptation of michael lewis' book of the same name. 6 years ago to flip this on its head: what do you do if you're a guy and your girlfriend says she's too busy? was starting to take all these things personally and so the last time we met up i asked him where he thought things stood between us. any phone call just turns into an argument because i secretly know nothing will change. so i met the whole family and fell in love with him even more. i was hoping you could clarify and help me out a bit..i remember before i met this guy, im so independent and can do whaterver i want. when i asked him if he just saw me as a friend then, he said no, but that i'm at the very least his friend, but he is still attracted to me and likes to spend time with me. i would never, ever fail to hire someone, be against my friend dating someone, or think badly of someone because their ex-partner badmouthed them many years after the end of the relationship. i tried everything to get him help and also realized you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. i’ve made it painfully clear to him so many times that he can’t make me happy. i know he loves me very much to put up with me but i still constantly want him to tell me he loves me more than anything and assures me of his commitment to be with me forever. there is a difference between being "busy" and being unavailable emotionally or physically. thing is he had said on the last date he wanted me to meet this friend so i thought why did he not invite me to that early dinner. so after 3-4 weeks he still met me but there was a difference , he prefered to sit in my house and watch t. only difference between our situations is that the guy crystal is seeing seems to be available to meet when she asks, whereas my guy seems like he's too busy for me, which is what is really shaking my confidence in my case. each subsequent e-mail will tell me that he is interested in me and would like to take this journey with me.)by being too understanding, you will only let yourself be walked all over, rob him of his masculinity, and send him the message that you are needy and not worth more than the little crumbs of affection and attention that he is throwing at you now. but even when we just messaging online, he would only message once every morning when free! what makes the difference is that when we have free time, our relationship is his #1 priority. i understand that studying medicine is terribly demanding (he doesn't work btw), i still believe in the proverbial "where's a will, there's a way". at first he was constantly wanting to see me, msging me, saying cute things and planing things in the future! he too has some financial woes and that wheneever we go on date, we both have limited idea of what to do. so of course i text him basically saying that i just miss him and that maybe the feeling wasn’t mutual. but if you are always available, at the computer, hiding next to your phone, it means you aren’t doing anything exciting, and then you talk to him about his hobbies and music and you just follow along and try to become him., what are your opinions re: dating someone as ambitious and over-achieving as you are? on top of a busy work schedule he also inherited a few acres of land which he takes care of on his time off. i had entered into it when i was 17 and realised how stupid i was by the time i was 18. i have been patient with her when this happened to her last year, but now when i am going through the same experience, even worse, she says she wants more time, says i do not make enough money. somehow, he has agreed to give the relationship one more chance.: on international women’s day, an all-female brexit campaign is. i'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, i'm just saying you want and are ready for something much different than what he is willing to do..he encourage me to do tings on my own too. and bc of my past i have a hard time trusting anyone. now i know you're gonna flame me for "just because she didn't answer or call back right away? that he also had an awesome night that time and he understands if i'm annoyed but it wouldn't be fair to me if he drags me along while he's debating if he can make a relationship work or not. i recently tried to break it off, but he won't let me. it’s hard trying to cope with this idea because in the beginning of the relationship he told me he loved me all the time and was head over heels for me when i wasn’t. you might find out that he has started a new relationship, gotten married, moved to a new city, started a new job or business, or done other things to give you some indication that he has moved on. he forgot to call me on my birthday even though i've told him weeks before. if he’s such a 50s guy, he might contribute financially to their upbringing, & if it comes to that i think you’d have a better case for child support. her impatience for your busy schedule over a very small period of time compounded with her already seeking out other guys, and commenting that you don't make enough money, all adds up to a big mistake. alternatively, we end up ordering in at home and watching tv, which is one activity we seem to be able to do without fighting anymore. whatever excuse she gave you, whether it be that she's too busy or stressed, or something else, doesn't change the fact that she broke up with you. reminds me of past comments on this site regarding the pressure on working moms to create the appearance of endless availability and job dedication, while their male colleagues get standing ovations when they leave early to make it to a parent/teacher conference. 9 years ago from australiawhen i read your article it took me back to when i broke of a relationship because i was too busy for him. he could have said that much no especially after that's all he was saying that awesome night 3 weeks ago. but this is 2 weeks away before we are meant to see each other and i couldn’t feel less confused or sure. now, the flip side is that i do enjoy spending time with him, we haven’t had sex yet, we were close. however, this makes almost no sense, since he can't make any more time to see me than i can to see him!’s a mindset that creates a disconnect in the flow of love in a relationship… because if you believe the other person *needs* to do, say or be some specific way in order for you to feel ok, your way of relating is going to shift away from enjoying them and towards doing whatever you feel you have to in order to get the response you want. i can't understand why it took him 8 months to figure this out.? lol lol sorry, and thank you for taking the time to help me work through this … it’s rare that a woman is able to talk so openly and freely about these issues with the opposite sex. if i were you and i really liked this girl, i wouldn't be upset, i would call her and ask her for a date - then be patient about it - good things come to those who wait. led to me always complaining about him not having days off and how i want to spend time with him. i know the day (which is not to far away) that i can confidently say i don’t need a man, will be the day he will take me back! we did that with the knowledge he would eventually move “home” with me. this is ironically aligned with something a great friend's mother has told her (and through her, me) repeatedly: when a guy really, really digs you, he wants to spend his time with you. the whole time i've always encouraged his sobriety, and i have helped him out, hes gone to me with troubles and such. then a few days later i met him in his village to go to the cinema and i met his parents and his nan- no awkwardness whatsoever! well i took a break but then right before is court date oct. i never really initiated the texts, ever but it hurts a lot when someone asks me to confide in them about the death of my husband and then leave my answer hanging for days. he also added that his last relationship that just ended last year ended very badly and that it made him a bit of a commitment phobe. i did start to resent my husband for “forcing” me to move, and i became a less-than-lovable person. he will expalin to me and then he get annoyed,because im keep asking) idk wat to do. and you are willing (at least half of the time) to actually put his real needs before yours: living in the city where he works instead of the countryside where you'd prefer to be. he ended things a month ago saying he felt his freedom was being taken away and he needed time alone and just needs to be by himself right now, but that this could be the best thing for both of us and we could end up closer and better than before. you have to remember you are setting a role model for your precious baby girl! the first date he claimed he didn’t have money, so i paid and the meal wasn’t cheap, it was at an expensive restaurant. for the first time in my life i think i'm truly in love. do believe if a guy wants to spend time with you, he makes time. - "i don't want to be with someone that wants me one day and then acts shady to me the next. then he asked me a lot of questions about me and that he would respond in kind once he reas my answers, to which i haven't received yet and i e-mailed him about that. he just wouldn’t contact you again and you could move on and find someone who cared about you-i know you like him a lot,but you would move on. well 15 mins later he calls me, so i said that of course he could pop in. i really wish you'd focus on the busying events of this time, and your career and education, and if you have extra time to do anything, it should be to experience different things and enjoy being your age. and dated for a short time last year, until i broke it off becuase he seemed to not truly care. i think he’s not allowing me to invest in him, i do nothing, sometimes i don’t even respond to his calls and he is still there. that happens by me deciding to whom and to what i give my attention.'ve been through many different things with this my bf: i met him when he dropped out of economy uni and started his preps for medicine; i supported him through all his medical preparatory studying; i was there when he got accepted and started studying. i get this and everything but it just caught me off guard because we had a similar conversation earlier and he told me that he wanted to be with me and that we'll be ok in the end, then a week later hes too deep to have a relationship. i very rarely contact him and he very rarely contacts me. i will look into getting a therapist for my long term, but you have all really helped me short term. will notice that i have said 'sometimes', because i do not feel like that all of the time. like i said earlier, my husband left his “dream” job to relocate recently for me to have my dream job! that's fine, maybe she's playing games (kind of a turn off), and she also might be too busy as i think she works a lot and has a lot going on which is typical as we approach the summer in this city.? he’s the one who said we should see comedy, it wasn’t much effort to apply for free tickets and i got them, and funnily enough the comedy had someone in it we both liked, so what was i supposed to do? it was not a relationship forum and neither of us were actively looking for a relationship at the time, but we formed a connection, which turned into a friendship and then romance.. made me feel like an idiot in front of my frends. whole point in bringing all this up is that i see women constantly trying to shove a square peg through a round hole. he was very unrealistic about his time planning, and i think that sometimes people lie to themselves too. he broke up with me recently because he says he needs to see me more (usually i saw him once a week.
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    he got into some legal trouble and stopped once again, from there on it was on again and off again with our relationship. i guess thats fine but he used to be so into the relationship and now he wants to better himself with small things like learning guitar, or something silly rather then spend even the littlest time with me. we're just in a rut due to the weather and of course being busy with our own lives. i'm really confused,if he really love me,why won't he sacrifice his gym for me? typically, i just tend to give him a taste of his own medicine and do it back, but maybe there is a more mature way to get my hurt feelings across w/out being needy? so after 3-4 weeks he still met me but there was a difference , he prefered to sit in my house and watch t. later that night i found myself on a dance-floor with him, his best guy friend and his old flame, and i went into the bathroom and started to cry. i found it so difficult to be hours away, sitting at my desk thinking about how he was out having fun with another girl, so i started telling him how uncomfortable it made me feel.’s counter-intuitive, but the more we do for other people, the more invested we become in them. and he has told me to leave but then tells me to come back to bed within the hour. it gives us something to collaborate on and lets us see each other’s perspective, how the other person works, etc. 9 years ago i just chanced upon this website as i was looking for some advice, and i must say that it's been pretty enlightening! i'm at a place of if i'm not free asking him to join me in what ever plans i already have b/c i'd still like to see him. we both lost our spouses the same year and both lost a son in a car accident. we got home and he took the little clothes he had left here from the last time he was here at the apartment. know exactly what you will say, i let him treat me this way. amount of time couples should spend together is the amount of time that makes them both happy. he actually agreed and told me that it'd be okay.'i'm dating a guy who's too busy to see me. he also said i thought his problems revolved around me. we as women have a natural reaction to move closer when a guy pulls back. wants to be independent and do things on his own, the other part of him loves me, misses me, knows he has something amazing and wonderful, only person in his life that knows his secrets inside and out and only person he trusts, i'm his best friend and the only person in his life that truly cares and he can see it in my eyes that i love him and believes in him and knows i will stand by him thru thick and thin, cause he has had some pretty knarly ups and downs with work..how much he really likes me n stuff but "when the time is right" so waiting for that cant wait. 6 years ago hi veronica,i'm glad i stumbled upon this website and even saw that there're many out there in similar situation as me. should you ignore them when they call or text, to seem like you are a challenge or do you respond to him and ignore that he ignored you in the first place? my boyfriend and i dated for two years and were in a long distance relationship the entire time. **** how do you tell me you feel all this love for me and then go "numb" or change so drastically in 3 weeks! do know it's her bday on saturday, so that throws me in an odd situation: if she doesn't call me back by saturday, i had planned on calling just to say happy bday, but i don't know if that's considered "calling too much too soon". don't you want to be with someone that would at least call you on your birthday? i eventually gave it up because i could see that moving every couple of years wasn’t good for my son, but i also couldn’t put in the knd of time writing that i needed in order to nail a tenured position & like you said, i always had work on my mind, got my first smartphone so i could reply to students’ emails from the playground. of course i wish there was more time we could spend together, but the adventure is about to get way crazier because he is moving to the bay area for a new (dream) job. i wanted to wait, but i really wanted it in that moment and i thought i shouldnt try to manipulate the siuation. should i try to make an effort to meet his friends? i thought i might as well give him the benefit of the doubt that he was really going through a hard time as i can’t help but keep worrying about him…. sounding too cheesy, these are the things we do for love. he tells me that he is so tired after working such that by the time he gets home, he does not want to answer any phone calls. he doesn't hang out with other friends - he spends all of his spare time with me. only a week before we did the friends thing he was telling me that he wanted to make the relationship work. and yes, i understand how you mean it when you say not “in a selfish and entitled manner”. maybe i have to ignore him for more than a week then to see if he would give me a call? i dont know if to think he wants a serious relationship or am i just to pass time. in may he told me " youre awesome but i'm not ready for a serious relationship. i think the problem here is that i have become so angry and annoyed at him that if i left him completely i could probably get over it..he said, he is proud of me for taking care of myself and that made him like me more. i hope someone can help me feel a little more at ease. he hugged and kissed me and i asked, if he wanted to hang out this weekend and he said “yeah, hit me up and we will go see that movie”. it seemed to be true in my case so far. with that in mind, i’ve become involved in volunteer work (mostly sports), to keep myself busy and not fall into my old trap of “waiting”. we do love each other and we tell each other that every day-however it's tough for me to not see him for a couple weeks-especially knowing he is just 15 minutes down the road. wells ceo raymond moore makes controversial comments, as novak djokovic. well nurturing begins with putting someone else above your own interests? sinced i’ve moved back only working part time, not having as many friends and not having as many things to entertain me! does sound to me like he should be the one to move, but not really because you earn (slightly) more. and he feels exactly the same way about me; i am his one & only. he then said that he wanted to send this e-mail to me even though it is not finished because he didn't want me to think that he had forgotten me or changed his mind about me. that you don't have to know where she is all the time, but maybe a text or something to let you know what's going on. but after 3 times we met he has changed, he barely text me back anyway he texted me everyday in the morning to say good morning and i responded. lot of times i feel as if i was way more sane and balanced when i was single. even tho he always admits he hates to see me disappointed..yesterday, i never text him or call him which is very unusual of me. add to that (and you mentioned this earlier about yourself), a lot of us get really competitive with our significant others about our careers. right now, i’m on a part time schedule in a mid-sized firm, but it looks like he’s about to finish yet another contract without tenure. if they share the same values, they possibly will also share the nuturing habits also. it sounds like he's very clear that he's focusing on his phd, as he should be, and he's not into trying to meet friends, have patience, or build a relationship right now. i often find that at the end, they actually resented being nice to you and taking you out at the start, even though it was the chasing period; somehow the idea of chasing you is “old fashioned” even though it’s just normal dating. in most cases, i always felt like the guy discounted my intelligence and achievements, or tried to find ways to do so, and fundamentally did not respect me as an equal. knew i was looking forward to it, and he told me he didn't want to hang out that day. in the subject in seemed as though i had signed up for dating when it was dating and relationship tips. and when it comes to relationships / dating / flirtation, the sub-text is the communication. so this girl have come sickness and always forget to drink a thing call "protein",which she must take it everyday. when he went to conferences, he called every night and we all–he, mom, and us kids–clearly looked forward to those calls. if you're calling her during the week and she still has her dating profile up, and you call, say, on a monday afternoon, here is a possible situation:Monday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed..i know some stories about people break up because of the girl clinging and needing too much of the guy. if that is the case, fine for you but be mindful if that’s not what he wants you may be better with someone whose relationship requirements match your own. he has full time job that is very busy in the summer months. and i plan to make mindset a core focus of the site soon, so more great material is on its way, too. have a set of expectations or rules in your mind for how someone “should” act and then the other person doesn’t measure up. ,i been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and we see each other every single day ,when we don’t see each other he is always texting me that he misses me and if i forget to text him after a couple of minutes he texts me saying i forgot about him ,i love him but i start to get annoyed when this happens . he knew that i am moving to japan, so he wanted to just have fun, nothing serious, and enjoy our time together before i move. i want to believe he's genuine and honest and that if i'm patient until jan something good will happen, i feel different about him, can't explain it. instead of "you make me feel", it should be "i feel". need ur help, i have been talking with this guy for more then one month we met online dating we really connected we text and talk over the phone every time we had a change until few weeks ago he started to be distance we had talk about meeting in person but i started complaining about him not calling i even text saying that he was not putting the same effort like before few hours he respond that is went he explain he been busy with work and this summer he will spend time with two kids therefore it was not a good time for a relationship so he ask if we could just stay friend if that was okay with me… i knew i had made the mistake to be so pushy i should just go with the flow but any ways at this point im not trying to me make contact im not sure what to do is going to sound crazy but with the short time we talk i really like him and i was looking forward to meet him what i do to at this point i really would like an opportunity with this men? for example, there was one night where i drove up to his place to visit him, and during our dinner he informed me that one of his old highschool girlfriends would be coming over to his place that night too. however, he would appear at my home and take me for surprise dates, bring me spontaneous presents, write me letters and hand deliver them, have hours-long conversations about anything and everything with me at the park, at his home, in the car . i have met his family and he has met some of mine. he told me he was extremely busy with work, school and probation and on top of that he had the stress of not relapsing again. if your only focus is on what someone else can bring into your life, then you have alot of work to do before you are actually ready for the relationship you're pushing for. and i did, because i basically hate these kind of situations..i think he is also browsing your site at this moment. i'd be suffocating, and screaming, "get a life and get off of me! if she hasn't called you about the weekend yet, make plans with other people. he came over late and met my daughter , then we just cuddled and watched movies. is always going on to me to be honest and open with him and he wants to know everything about me, this sometimes freaks me out even after a year as all the blokes in the past have done bad things once i have let them in (if that makes sense), so basically left me a mess once it ended because i have started to rely on them. i am not sure i'm built for long distance relationships and after a month, i talked to him about how hard it is for me to not be able to see him and i wasn't sure how long i will last. during that entire time, i think i may have gone on 2 or 3 dates. even if in the beginning the whole chasing period can be interpreted as neediness from his part as well too. in-laws (brother- and sister-in-law) are both family lawyers, went to the same law school and then were competing for the same jobs afterward. when we were both in our undergrad, the distance didn't matter because we had the time to see each other every weekend, and we did a lot of romantic things. i think the problem is that if you’re always available, it probably means that you’re not doing anything interesting or fulfilling in your life to make you feel good, so your relationship is the only thing filling you. i hate being needy myself but sometimes i cant help it. but only this year i decided to change, i just look at things from different perspective, never be too good to someone who doesn’t appreciate anything. people who get what they want are people who actually, really say no to what they don’t want… and they mean it.” so he is all into me for the next three weeks, texting a lot, calling me and then bam, like everyone else here says became distant and not available as much. the more you cling and push, the less chance you have of remaining friends and possibly revisiting something romantic at a later time. everyone jeeps telling me i’m just his backup girl and in ny head, i know that, but i think i got too attached too quickly and im just trying to not chase him, which is a struggle in itself . i rely solely on him for happiness and i have neglected what makes me happy. i told him i need some quality time with him sitting back watching tv iv been patient and i want my reward (with a smile and with a pleasant voice). he always went out of his way to make me happy and i did the same. therefore, with such a tight schedule, we make a pact to meet each other once a week and we talk on the phone every night before we end the day. since that conversation he has gone out of his way to call me every day. know he loves me in his own way and he thinks that he needs me and he's this little lost boy inside, i just can't deal with this hard cool nonchalant rockstar exterior he tries so hard to portray to everyone. he has started to make some sort of effort now that i have indicated that it’s time to “shape-up or ship-out”, but i’m finding it hard to emotionally engage with him after trying to convince him to make more of an effort for the past 2+ years. if you’re in a relationship with someone and they consistently show that you’re not at or near the top of their priority list, then i think that shows that that person’s not serious about you..i dont want to make him feel that im clingy and too independent to him. in our first month seems like normal he drove like 3 hours just to see me 2 times a month. he's so busy for me though, and he's elder to me by 5 years, he's so mature and takes care of me and calls himself my 'well-wisher and friend'. was this me that ruined this from the begininng or was there red flags from him i should have heeded. but at the same time, i don’t understand why he cannot spare 20 min x 3 per week to talk to me on the phone. for a guy is something i would only do if i knew that he would have no problem supporting me if things didn’t work out for me job-wise the way that we hoped. of me is saying, just ride it out and see what happens. this is the prerogative of a man to put off marriage until the time is right for him, but it also means a lady looking for a serious relationship should just keep right on looking. think we both realize we are in new territory of what a relationship means and how to make it work. but i get immensely terrified when i picture me sitting at home all by myself while he is busy at work, or meeting a client. which means somedays he “blows off” work (the chief has an easier time doing so) to work from home with a backup care nanny in the house while i go to the office / court. i thought there was something seriously wrong with not being addicted to your partner. being an ophthalmologist meant that nights with lots of togetherness and drinking that tend to end in fistfights for some folks were the nights he’d be called out–christmas, 4th of july, new year’s… he averaged about 60 hrs per week, plus journal reading and continuing medical education slides and audio (which i often overheard and discussed with him). he still seems excited, but i can only presume his obvious lack of contact means he is less interested now.“i think a lot of dating advice says that being always available is a bad thing and will make your value plummet – i actually don’t think availability is really the problem. don’t play games about meeting up but don’t drop everything when he is free if you have something pre-arranged. what it’s worth, my husband does not have these expectations for me, but i kind of have them for myself. (this is true, because he introduced me to a few of his friends one time and they were teasing him about never having time to see them). i know i should give him more space but it’s very difficult for me to do that. they’re just too cowardly and immature to admit that.’s the key though – when someone doesn’t meet my standards, i don’t get upset about it. i really appreciate you taking the time to give me sound advice and i'll let you know how it all works out! how would i feel if i slept with a guy and dated him and had fun for a month, then suddenly told him that i can’t be with him anymore because i’m still getting over my ex and just cutting him off and letting him go to japan without letting him see me again, not even to make goodbye easier? perhaps this is a good time for me to explore and find myself and to learn not to be so dependant on other people. he eventually confessed his feelings for me after a couple of further and more open conversations explaining why he didn’t have the courage to ask me out again and asked me to wait for him as he needs to focus on getting back on his feet first. do completely understand your analogy and it representing our need for our own emotional control to create more positive outcomes in our lives, but it is also crucial to establish boundaries as well. we pay someone to clean our apartment 2x/month so we don’t have to spend what little time we have together cleaning – plus, both of us are less stressed when our home is clean. but the only thing is that he's detached and most of the times,if i say' can i speak to u' he by default says ' no' , and then after asking him 2-3 times, he agrees and we have a great time, and he then messages me saying how much fun he had. this is difficult because i have so much time and he is always busy. it seems that i am being too dependent on him and he's too dependent on me too. have difficulty believing it would be hard for him to find a job in my city (and he might in fact earn more than if he remained where he is) but it would be hard for me to find a job in his city and i would earn less. i know he is legitimately busy, he works in sales and just started this job 8 months ago. yet i judge by your explanation that you're calling her and she's returning the calls -- just not quickly enough for you. something must be wrong, or you are crazy to spend your time like that. is it because of unrealistic expectations or romanticised ideas about relationships and the belief that if someone likes you they must be with you as much as possible? used to be far more understanding, so i'm not sure if this a just the bad side of him coming out, or a product of this stressful time in his life. usually, he go home which is two hours away when he does not have to work and said he fixing up his place but this weekend due to work he hast to say friday unit saturday.'ve talked to him about the problem that he's always so busy and that i feel we both lead our lifes very separately when we don't meetup. i am starting to feel like he takes me for granted. but he has been the one discussing a future with me, i have always been the hesitant one. im really confused by him telling me he loves me but then seeming to not want to help us work through this or give me the reasurence i aksed for. but it was because we shared the same values we nutured our relationship beautifully. he says he has plans and that guys never reveal their plans until that moment…. she's telling you she wants a relationship and you're deciding her busy schedule means she doesn't..now i know how stupid this might be of me,but believe me my heart says dont let him go. sometimes i can hide my moodiness, sometimes i fail at that. me and my boyfriend have been together for over two years and been friends for even longer. he’s always super busy and ignores calls while away, and cant get enough time to hang around with the family when he’s home; its mostly about his need to “unwind”. i'm assuming it's work, and perhaps hobbies, kids, charity work, religious commitments, season tickets, and friends. yea, i guess i tend to be needy sometimes, but i try to keep busy and not think that much about the situation or that guy even though that is hard as hell sometime. he gave me a date, the 19th a thursday, that he would be home and he said quote "it will be the best day of your life" in regards to our first date. he is someone that i feel happy with when i am with him. i am just saying no matter how well intended he is, you are a part of a period in time that he is trying to move past. he commented that it is like i have to fit him in..and asked me to be more open to him and not just talk behind and complain behind his back. he was in charge of a school camp and didn't contact me much and only came to look for me once. have a simple definition of neediness: neediness is a mindset where a person believes another person has to do something in order for that person to feel ok. i bet the guy isn’t a jerk, just has to talk himself into believing this could be the one every time he starts a new position and probably hasn’t taken stock of how uninvolved he is with the kids, cause he thinks each thing he misses is just one (which is how i gained 20 lbs post-baby without ever thinking i was giving up working out).
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21 Dating Truths We Need To Realize | Thought Catalog

People who are too busy but are dating (girl, dance, young

moving from honesty to bluntness, it appears you’ve been coping as a single mom, more or less, for awhile so having him not be physically present probably wouldn’t change that much of your routine, but also would probably ease a big weight from your shoulders. i would not dare to ask for a clear answer (he gave me an answer once yet i kept thinking what if he lost his interest after doing the confession. we aren’t perfect, we have mostly come to terms with our lifestyle. agree that if he truly wanted to be with me he would find time. for the past 3 years,i've really treated him badly,i'm nagging him all the time and angry him over small thing. he told me he needs to focus on himself and i should do the same. wouldn't see myself as clingy, especially with anyone else i was always the independent one but they way he is has broken me and made me feel insecure about everything. at first it was kind of hard, but now i feel like it's just not the same when we see each other on weekends or when he is home for a few days. don't mind being the chaser, but when he only has time to see me just once a month it makes me wonder if i'm chasing after someone who doesn't care. me spell it out plainly for you:You're overthinking this, and for no good reason. here i was ready to spend my money, take time off work and come to see him because i really wanted to and he basically tells me he is too busy for me to visit him even though it will be the only time we see in 6 months and might be the only time in a year. he has this so called “friend” who is every girl’s worst nightmare but plays off innocent of course. girl i'm dating now, we met on ok cupid, she's a lawyer..Alexandra 7 years ago mm ur saying about people who in the beggining of a relationship put much effort and find time so they give a good impression, just wondering if it is , completely opposite?” i responded that i am certainly not a serial dater but rather hoping to meet a nice man where we connect and it might lead to a wonderful relationship. register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! 6 years ago hi veronicaok my story is short 5 ears ago met a guy we were dating for 5 months he was my first guy an my first love. i took a less stellar job once so my so could have his dream job. i kinda think he likes me cos when he's with me, he bestows all his attention on me, he reads my blogs and remembers all kinds of details, he compliments me on my clothes,looks and more importantly personality. but when i enquired as to when i would see him (after he initially stated that we should meet up) he says he doesn't know, and that because he has a full time job (where his hours aren't "set") he doesn't know when he will see me but wants to. we are much happier now, and he is very proud of me and my path. “be nice, be sweet, do things for him” … that’s typically how you establish a new relationship (i. for example a bf who can’t reciprocate any feelings or even terms of endearment after months into a relationship cannot expect a girl to not question how he feels about you. furthermore, from my perspective, i had absolutely no interest in dating a lawyer – i already spend most of my waking hours around other lawyers, and i didn’t want to spend my “off time” around them, too. in fact, all his possible time (or so i see it) is spent studying. quizprivacy policyterms of useftc disclosure statementsites we lovecontact usask a guy (dating tips / relationship advice for women): frequently asked questions. we met in a club on the night of my birthday when i was very intoxicated. but now its like he just wants to be alone and doesnt want me around. understand that at certain times, each of your careers will be at pivotal/high-stress points, and recognize that you need to be extra-supportive at those times.. when two happy people come together, their happiness spills over onto their partner and being together feels really happy and great. he can be loving and caring in one moment, but will then automatically jump off the deep end, believing that i am "out to get him". 7months ago, i met a guy through a couple friend of mine i'm madly in love with and he's always gone on business.) major accomplishments that he (or anyone else) can’t take away from me and can’t dismiss. i had the foresight to tell my husband before we married about my past, and i warned him that this ex was crazy and would likely try to contact me or him. could certainly try to compromise - next time he invites you on one of those colleague outings, balance it by saying, - ok i'll go, and then next saturday its just you and me, my place for dinner (or something you would truly enjoy doing. he said he still wants me to be his baby. i really believe he cares about me but i don't know why he would tell me not to visit because he doesn't want to sacrifice these things for me. maybe i did take for granted that he at first took away all of his busy weekends to spend time with me. so 12 mins later i called him, again he didnt pick up., after a while they all of a sudden start to come up with excuses as to why they can't see you or can't call you or worse yet breaking dates.  similarly, your time is just as important as his — both in a micro sense (he’s an hour late for the homemade dinner you prepared because he had to work) as well as a macro sense (in terms of your own sense of timing re: marriage, kids, moves, etc. i do go out with my friends rather often too. he also lives about an hour and a half away except when he comes home on the weekends. i wonder if that has anything to do with it or if it is me? i read your article n thanks a lot your are a champ from now on im going to be calm, busy and not freak out 🙂 n hopefully its not too late. but he’s the same as the guys my age. don’t hide it, but don’t offer it up either — afterward, if you get the job or don’t, mention it then. i didn’t do it until we had a firm commitment. because you understand how it feels when someone is acting needy towards you. i know he had just gotten home, because the dog sitter was just on her way out. for dating someone who’s very busy: i routinely work 70-80 hour weeks, as does my spouse. when he had an emergency c-section, i got a text. most my family has met him but not my mom as of yet and when i told him my mom wants to meet him i asked him does he want to meet her his response was in due time, not right now its still a fairly new relationship…again what the heck does that mean? i don’t want to clean my apartment or cook; i don’t want to do my homework; i don’t go shopping by myself much anymore; i even get very lazy about going out with my gfs. i told him i'm done fighting for him, and competing with alcohol for his attention, he need to figure out what he wants, and if that's escapism then let me go but if it's me and reality then he's going to have to fight for me because i'm exhausted. can’t go into as much depth as i’d like to in this post, but men and women have different senses of how they’d like to be noticed for things (and what they’d like to be noticed for. i bet i could think of ways to lose a guy at hello and funny sometimes i would actually like to try that out and see what happens because it seems i lose them anyway — but actually it’s really their loss, they just didn’t get to know me yet to realize it… once again their loss. i mean we talk everyday if not every other day but its been three weeks since we last seen each other but when we first started dating we would see each other maybe once or twice a week. like the awesome movie, how to lose a guy in 10 days. some say that when their girlfriend is all in their business they cannot think. i was working so hard that i had no time to recharge for myself, and i became totally dependent on sex/my relationship as my source of relaxation and happiness. any comment on this, i would appreciate a man's point of view. after the meeting, he asked me if god will give us the chance to have a relationship if i will accept it i had told him i liked him and i have no issue with it except that we should be focus on our god be at our center..maybe im just a lil bit paranoid and i worry too much that i miss those nice and kind things he do to me. i don’t need to “define” sex to my so so he can figure out whether he is actually cheating on me! it caused one of those high school dramas that seem so crucial at the time. how we make it work (emotionally): we absolutely build each other up, although i must confess that it’s sometimes hard when one person gets promoted and the other does not. at that point in time that clingy girlfriend had their whole world in mind, by not forgetting their treasured belonging. im having the same problem too and really need a advice! he's my colleague in the office but we are from the different department but we spend time having lunch together with other colleagues. but the truth is he doesn't miss you at all, or he would call..last night at the end of our call you joked about ending the call and talking to me next week when i whined about you fitting me in with your schedule. seriously, i once dated a guy who would not call. keep saying that we will meet next week he never does for almost 2 months. have been in the "busy" relationship and i advise you girls strongly to not do any of the following. ever we get married with kids, how is it possible for him to spend time with the family? so he makes seperate time for us when he can. i feel like i've been waaaaay too needy too and i can tell it's definitely pushing him away. oh, and let’s also assume that we all play on an absolutely level playing field, and the interviewer doesn’t have a preference between hiring a woman and a man. 8 years ago hi veronica,i'm in a very similar situation and need some help. from my point of view, he was the one making the effort to contact me and was never afraid to say what he felt (even wanted to fly & visit me). all i asked for was him to plan one date a month- just one date where he made plans ahead of time, called me to make sure i was available, and organized an activity (any activity). he calls me about surgical stuff, i call him about cardiology stuff. when i had a shouting partner placing unreasonable demands on me, he got a text. he's telling me all this, exactly what i've been wanting to hear. he had given me his number and when i called his dad picked up as they were travelling ,shifting things as he is joining his new job soon, he had been training for that for past three weeks. but after a week he came to the house and took me to dinner and once again he came over again i had made dinner for him and watched some tv. i met my so when i was in law school and he was in residency. wrote to me that it is stressing him out a lot because he cannot find time to spend on nourishing this love. let this go so something better can come into your life..i myself have a problem with a busy boyfriends too. of the articles clearly defined what neediness was – the articles were more about assigning blame and sowing seeds of discontent between the genders (as if the world needed more of that! anyhow, pretty much all the things you said in your post hit a nerve with me. do you have any advice for someone like me who just realized that they have a problem? the point is, the relationship was not right for me for many reasons, but because of my needy nature i put everything on hold in my life. have started doubting my own abilities (i feel)have started to think from his perspective,(my frend say that) since i lost my mom(12 yrs ) never been too close to anyonethough i did date few guys. would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. am totally a mess cause i really love this 19 year old and i was stupid enough to give my sister this 19 year old guys contact details cause she also likes him but i knew him way before her. but when he is pointing out my flaws it gets to me… he justifies it as you fall inlove with the persons flaws. i’m focusing on me too, but it was a loss. he has recently asked me to get back together, but i think at this point i would only want to try to date non-exclusively at first to see if he really wants to commit to this. when you think of it in terms of “time investment” i can now think of those times as needing to taking a step back from a different perspective – i’ve been investing a little extra time here and i need to back off and give him the room to invest his own time. i have brought up the issue because i am so tired of coming over and hanging out a few hours before bed - i feel like he has to fit me in to his schedule. im ready to be his girlfriend and he is taking too long to ask me. few weeks later,i asked him,does he want to together back with me,he say yes,he said that he miss me. me being in graduate school and working means that i had to be available during his downtime if i ever wanted to see him..now i know how stupid this might be of me,but believe me my heart says dont let him go..he said he was worried he havent heard from me for the whole day and ask how my day was. i mean yes he has only been in town for a couple days and he has alot on his plate. he tells me he is working his ass of now because he doesn't want to be working a 60 and he believes in providing for his wife and kids one day. talked about lots of things, and he did mentioned that he is the type of people that hate being forced on doing things (so i suppose he probably hate girls being needy too).” it’s not, it’s exactly the same flawed, ineffective type of thinking… equally selfish, ineffective and repelling to others. 5 years ago hi, i've been dating with my new colleague for 2 months, we've been going out and spending a lot of time together for the last month and suddenly due to his busy work schedule he's not spending any time with me after work. he called me whenever he could, even if it was just for 10 minutes while driving to his next appt..now take another deep breath and repeat after me:- i will not get clingy. but the way that you stated this gives me an entirely new way of viewing what it means to “give to others”. he is sorry i am upset but he will make it up to me. it doesn't sound like he's too busy if he's calling and showing up where he knows you'll be. he is so busy working on the house he has no time me. i still see need for improvement- but at least by continuing to dialogue - i have seen him make some changes in communicating better after i brought it up, and realized its okay for me to express my needs but i try to do so rationally instead of emotionally. was a long distance relation when we started,he used to make time for me like once or twice a month, even though there were arguments , fights (infact he got frustrated that , physically he is not happy with me and even said he would like to date some other gals , behaved toatlly like a jerk . i feel like a lot of times, guys get really excited about me at the beginning: introduce me to all their friends, want to plan vacations, do me favors, etc; than i allow them to do that, and they sometimes overextend themselves and back off- or maybe i became slightly expectant. have all the power in the world because you can choose whomever you want to have a relationship with… if someone isn’t interested in having the kind of relationship dynamic you want, that’s fine… you can simply find someone who does want what you want… no anger or name-calling needed. i would just say be glad that you have the free time, and try to do fun things in your free time so that you will feel fulfilled and happy. i mean i see myself in few years living like you do.. i miss him a lot because the newness of the relationship hasnt worn off for me. we’ve a couple disagreements maybe a couple of weeks mainly because i guess you can say i being a little “needy”but have cooled off since then. its good to know that he didn't even liked me to begin with. he would adjust his working schedule with mine so that we would have more time seeing each other. “why doesn’t he want to be with me more the way i want to be with him? perhaps i will simply put the effort he is putting into me from now on. i just wish we could spend more time like a day together which we haven't had the chance to do so in the past year. apparently we had a great conversation and he was very attracted to me we even did some freaking on the dancefloor. we kissed, i know, first date, not normal for me but i was keen to have some affection so i just went with it. very honestly, it seems like he has prioritized his life and happiness over you (and your family’s) life and happiness for a long time. petra can only answer based on the information you give her and her advice is not a substitute for medical, therapeutic or legal advice. we talked another week, saw each other again, i stayed with him, he made me breakfast in the morning.'m interested to see what relationships will be like in another 10 years, specifically when the youth of today get to marrying stage. sure if he's testing me, giving me the brush off or if he's genuinely just busy! that we should continue e-mailing each other until we both feel comfortable to meet. i sure he wishes our pay was equal but i’ve never doubted that he is happy with my income. they seem to have figured out i exist, and are basically taking over his life (which i can't say much about) and the worst is that it seems that after the divorce he continued to do holidays with his ex and her family (yes weird, but he has no living nearby relatives and is about as lazy ast the next guy in making friends). at the end of my billable year when i am hustling and billing time, non-stop, he grocery shops and cleans the house, and vice versa! dump him because he called you just fine all the time last year. it is just the fact that he is hot and cold all the time that gets me wondering. but he said that he isn’t seeing anyone else but he doesn’t want to hold me back if a serious relationship is what i need right now. just don't know what to do, i know we're young and first time love and naivety and all it's just i don't know if i'm ready to let him go. but its like when i pull back and allow that space he texts and calls but when i think things are being normal he’s back to being dry and mudane.: this guy approached me months ago, we exchanged numbers, & he started off by texting me, which i made it clear, i didn’t like it. most of my friends think i am making a mistake and should move on because of how many times i've cried over my boyfriend's many mis-communications and cancelled dates..Angelina53 5 years ago hi,i met a gentleman 55yrs old on the internet. you might find yourselves spending more time together, particularly if the relationship is getting serious..or does he needs more mentoring about relationship since im his first serious one? it just doesn’t feel like things are progressing naturally somehow. have been single for 4 years just focusing on me, what i want and what i deserve! my little boy insisted on staying in my study when i was on an evening telcon though he was very sleepy, and i ended the call to find him curled up on the chair. want to give thanks to the great doctor lawrence who help me in getting back my ex-boyfriend i saw a testimony post by miss kate from spain about how the great doctor lawrence had helped her, i decide to email him and to my greatest surprise my ex-boyfriend came back to me after three days of contacting him., hey, if him not initiating the phone calls is really a deal-breaker for you, then you know what to do, right? basically, i've been dating this guy who's in the royal marines for about a month (7 dates in total where he has always insisted on paying- although i do offer to do so btw! if she hasn't called you about the weekend yet, make plans with other people. i think one of the keys is that he is a great phone communicator – he doesn’t really e-mail or text much, but calls regularly and luckily enjoys talking on the phone, which i know some people do not..so i'm reassured for the night (by best friend says he's just saying enough to keep me around but not committing), and still no concrete plans. but basically we took the relationship too fast, he pretty much moved me in within a month of dating, and i would go home on the weekends when he had his kids. he seemed too busy, specially recently with a new project that he had. i regretted calling him again on the saturday, thinking i came off as needy, and i have asked him if he wants to hang out (at the market and comedy show – even tho he’s the one who said we should see a comedy show soon). everytime i threaten to quit he begs me to be understanding. it felt sweet and romantic at first but now it feels like he was only wanted me to be his girlfriend so that only he would have me when he wanted and that he wasnt sharing with anyone else. have met this guy 3 months ago and was floating on cloud nine cause he was so into me, couldn’t believe i could meet the perfect man in my books. neediest time was actually when i was most unavailable: in doctoral school. post however i’m shocked the search engine took me here. he used to be on the road for weeks at a time.

Decoding Male Behavior: A Guy's Take on Neediness | Dating Tips

earlier you told someone “don’t confuse neediness with situations where you should rightfully be angry. if she doesn't have 5 minutes to return a phone call of a guy she likes (or maybe she doesn't like me, but that's a whole nother situation), then what makes her think she has any time to develop a relationship? i too am a single mother of 3, and wud say i was newfie most of my life! don’t know that this really applies to real men…. he said he wasn't ready cause his oldest which is 8 yrs old, didn't want her dad to have a girlfriend and would cry over it, " i felt bad, but at the same time, he cant set aside his happiness cause his kids will never really want their dad with someone else. i emailed him in the morning before he went into work or tried to call..he said he needs my help too to guide him through our relationship. we did not spk to each other for 3 months , as we were having lots of arguments we decided to take a break but he breached it by calling it quits, thn he came to house one day out of blue apologised to my family and me for acting like a jerk and promised me that he will move to my city )recently he shifted to my city, we were really happy, he is in sales so we together decided we'll meet once in a week . i told him i’d be around near his place that saturday as i go to a clothes market there sometimes and if he wanted to come. i felt better because he cared enough to come home and hold me for a few hours. i did not e-mail this before, but i'm sure this sounds like stuff that other women have gone through as well i'm sure. his arranging to have you with him, his breaking into a rant to your friend, it feels to me like his intentions are really good. we would flirt; he would stop by my job with tea for me a hug and to spend time. i took time off after college and worked for a few years and am now about to finish my second year of law school. then ask if i’m mad really no i’m not but really come on. i'm trying to let him set the benchmark for the level of closesness he wants in the relationship in the process too..sometimes guys tends to be a lil bit spoiled and concieted. 2) i have given him a deadline by certain date if you don’t see me, then it is the end. i'm starting to really like him and am starting to want to see him more than just the one time a week. could i get your opinion as to why he went from all lovey dovey to distance distance distance, is it really because of me being needy? he came on strong, the baby’s, sweeties, etc, miss you’s. that has been one major concession to avoid spending our together time doing the mundane things. so i took it as we were good in our relationship. and every time he’d try to get me to make a phone call or prepare a guest list or send out invitations, i refused., doctors, and bankers all seem like Dream Dates to a lot of women -- but if you're as busy as he is, how can you make the relationship work?. finally he said he cant hear me talking all this coz if i really love him thn i wudn ask him all this. i guess i’m different because i grew up under extremely controlling parents. besides that,he is always busy,he have assignment to do,test is coming,gym and computer games. things were going well and he was due to take me out for a drink one evening – but he didn’t turn up til after 10pm after a bit of frantic texting and attempted phone calls – i did get to speak to him before he turned up and he said he was doing a errand for his parents.) therapy – it’s helped me come to terms with my role in the horrible relationship, and the way patterns in my family may have set me up for those mistakes. as i said, i feel i am responsible for this dynamic in some way. yes, when you’re in a trial or some other unusual, stressful situation, then the stakes might change (for example, i worked on thanksgiving of 2010 because of a trial – but i still came home in the early afternoon and made a small thanksgiving dinner with him). he said he needed to stay focused and i was being impractical for wanting to come see him, even if it was just for 5 minutes. sometimes he behaves like a dad, or a mom, sometimes he protects me, he also flirts with me,he's giving out a mixture of signals i have no idea how to interpret. 6 years ago from nyfrederic,well, obviously based on the information you've given me i'm going to say break it off. the longer this situation goes on, the more it will become normal to him that this is how things are and are supposed to be. he wants to get together, which is fine but i was currently dating a different guy every week, sometimes more than one. both moved out of state and now live about 30 min from each other, having that in common was what first attracted us to each other, we talked online about a week, then text and phone another week, talked about everything, he asked some serious, intense questions. the bottomline, as it seems to me, is that much as i and my boyfriend love each other, our priorities and expectations are very much different. if he is stringing me along, what would be the purpose of it?.and told me, he dont need to tell me all the time how much he loves and adores me because he shows it in many ways. may be one of the few times i ever agree with you, but it will have nothing to do with introvert/extrovert.(btw i am not informed abt his schedules but he shud be! i remember finishing a grant just before the midnight deadline when he was 5. she consistently tells me that she loves me but all of this has me questioning her. think i just want to know whether he is stringing me along towards a friends-with-benefits scenario or if he genuinely does like me but is really just too busy. when we do our once a week thing he automatically brings a change of clothes so he can stay the night and on mother's day a few weeks ago while i was helping him shop for a dinner he was making for he's family, he randomly, casually asks what i was doing that night and drops a 'why don't you join us for dinner'..well at the beginning of the break up he would text me back or return my calls when he got the chance usually right before he went to bed for work the next morning. i had already been offered, and accepted, an appellate clerkship and had no plans to revoke my acceptance, so the plan was that we’d live in the nj/nyc area until i had a few years of practice under my belt and then could conceivably lateral back to wisconsin (he was telecommuting during this time). ask him to provide proof of bank account statements, phone records etc. he asked me if we became serious if id be willing to move. (i have been working on that) and he says we are still in a relationship but we are gonna see where things go…i am not really sure what that means? if he promised to meet you somewhere at a specific time and then didn’t, that’s definitely a situation where you should be angry. i don't always feel comfortable with our day to day interactions - short nondescript texts that indicate he is slammed with work, saying he will call later then not doing it, rescheduling of dates frequently - and me going crazy thinking about him, the relationship and how to fix it instead of focusing on my own work and life and conversely over-communicating. you've read this far, and none of my ideas ring true for you, then consider this: if he's busy, he has the ability to fill his life with things that aren't you. i have become too dependent on him for my own happiness and it just took a toll on me.(1)calling or texting after that one too many glasses of chardonnay. in doing so, i met a guy that i was attracted to and to my surprise he asked me out for an after work drink. isn’t it easier to get to know each other better and adapt to each other at home? i explained to him that my main issue was the lack of a plan to meet up someday. and i was hurt, because i felt that he was just trying to economize everything to stretch his time to the max. if you mattered to him he would have called you on valentine's and your birthday. do you want to be with someone that is very clearly telling you he doesn't care about you and doesn't make any effort to be with you. he is my best friend and we help each other all the time with resume prep, work issues, etc.? that’s another scenario where ‘we’ as women become confused why establishing a relationship with a man is not parallel to the ways in which we establish other relations … but then again i’m not going to go out of my way to cook, clean or bring gifts to my “friends” lol lol so where do we draw the line? in that time he just wanted to continue visiting me at my job with tea, kept talking after work in the car and would eat lunch.(btw i am not informed abt his schedules but he shud be! he has a lot of dinner meetings and galas as well..but if he really likes me, he should find time to be with me, right? 6 years ago from nystars,you and your boyfriend are not in the same place. if you are going to talk to friends or family about him, make those conversations about the nice things you have done together, rather than all of you fixating on him not seeing enough of you and reading too much into that. and with all your eggs in one basket, it’s no wonder that you’d become extremely needy and dependent on the guy entertaining you – he’s all you have! at first i thought i would give him a taste of his own medicine and not reply , at least not straight away. once he gets a tt position, he’s nowhere near home yet. in short: sounds like he really ought to be staying home and being a “perfect” parent to the children. the positive side of things, learning about neediness is good for your own growth (so you can detect where you’re looking at things through a “neediness lens”), but also so you select someone who has already learned this lesson for themselves. reason busy people do online dating is because they hope to find other busy individuals like them that share the same life values. we met and it was like we'd known each other for months. i just keep saying that to my friends or family, and they remind me that he is busy with everything else and that i am use to a guy who hangs out with me every single minute they got. thing is all i ask for is a normal relationship, where i see him 2/3 times a week and for him to be there if i really need him. gave my sisters and me our baths, supervised teeth brushing, tucked in in with stories and singing every night until it was no longer appropriate for us to be naked around him, and then he still tucked us in very sweetly. if you stop calling and he doesn't come after you, that's a very very clear sign that he is not interested in a relationship with you. i run a social club, and i have a demanding hobby that keeps me occupied every weekend. but, does that mean that you don't deserve a relationship because of this? we did have times where the other would take the bosse/coworkers’ side when the spouse complained about a work situation, but learned from a marriage seminar that the person needs your empathy not to try to solve it, so we are better now about being on the spouse’s ‘team’ even if you don’t fully agree with the issue, especially while the person is upset and venting. this was the first time i showed him any real attention and we would talk until wee hours of the morning just getting to know eachother..i found this site and it reminded me that being independent and strong is what i need to continue doing. for the next day without being needy and knowing that “a challenge is everything for men and we value only what we have to work for”. lately he has just been telling me he doesn't know how i cope with it all and i am soo sweet and he really likes me and he wish everytime we plan to do something work comes up . but regardless of cultures, social skills, etc, the truth is some things will not work out, no matter how hard one person tries. i thought if he cant i can go to his place once in a while so i tried , thought he will be with his frend so let me just meet him during evenings after 6, well viola he has already invited his frends to his place for a drink. i cancelled a couple times because i these as red flags as they happened before we even met. the initial broke up his frends stopped talking to me and we stopped hanging out with his frends ..he asked me also to help him handling our relationship. i always feel like i have to be the one to suggest we should do something together like a watch a movie. he tried to tell me numerous times but long story short i just didn’t wanna hear it cause i though he was being selfish and negative. he is too busy for a relationship, but he says he likes me. don’t through your all into something you ain’t certain yet. so from what i can gather, you went along for 5 years in a relationship where you werent fully satisfied or your needs met. i like him but this bit is really turning me off. the fact that this kind of insane mindset is encouraged in our society and framed as the pinnacle of love and connection is just plain tragic. i was naturally vulnerable at a time when it was right to be so, yet the guy dropped me just at that exact time i confided i wanted his support for once, even though i had been busy and outgoing the rest of the time. he promised he will try to fly to see me before the deadline but now he said he got work to do this weekend and that weekend, and he will try to fly to see me after the deadline. now he is calling a bit more and we talk, but he tells me how much he is goign through rough times. i really didn’t think too much of it until one night i had a really bad night where i missed my husband so much and i felt so lonely..( not i love you yet) but hes hinting he has to tell me somemething . a month ago i started dating an old aquaintance of mine and there were immediate fireworks. do you think he should see more of me by now if he really likes me? but our plan at this point in time is to not talk about it for the time being, since we are happy with where our life is right now, and are ambivalent about having children. next day he invited me to a birthday and couldn’t get his hands off me for the whole weekend! i found out that he'd broken his leg (he arrived at our date on crutches) and that's why he was staying at home with his family although he is usually based about 2 hours away. the problem that i always had with dating someone equally ambitious and competitive is that you will both always be competing, unless you’re in different fields. 7 years ago hi there veronica,i was wondering if you could help me at all. he is the man, (sorry i know this will upset some) he should be thinking of ways to excite you, shows to take you to, don’t invite him to a comedy show . that said, i do wish you the best of luck and, most importantly, i hope you adopt a mindset where you don’t blame the other person for not fulfilling your wants… and instead, choose a good match and focus on giving freely to him… if he gives back in the way you like, great, stay… if he doesn’t, leave. and heaven forbid if they text you and you don’t respond on there time. so i sat down and asked him , wat is the real thing then he says there is nothing just u need to stop being so selfish , let us take it slow (after 4 yrs) and i feel u don't undersatnd me , (if he is not letting me know how will i ever know? if he doesn't want to let me go but feels that it's not the right time, then what the heck is going on! he sent these long messages saying how much he missed me. we are friends, but now sometimes i wonder if he just wants to be friends cause we have to interact sometimes thru our work industry, and ive been doing some viral web networking for him, so does he just want me around to be his assistant? it really doesn't have too much to do with him no matter what he says or does: this is all you, and it will play out like a chess game in your head until you get to your bottom line, which in the end really is the only one that matters. i thought if he cant i can go to his place once in a while so i tried , thought he will be with his frend so let me just meet him during evenings after 6, well viola he has already invited his frends to his place for a drink. most of the time with :-* yesterday he didn't message me till late again and said sorry he had a long day but still said goodnight if i was in bed. he wasnt like this, but ever since the failed dinner date its not been the same. as a woman, i do admit that when a guy texts me too much…especially about senseless things, i get annoyed and lose interest. he was never physically abusive, but very, very emotionally abusive/blackmailing. not spending christmas with your family for the first time in your life, because it's his turn that you both spend christmas with his family. i am a competetive swimmer and a full time student and i work two jobs, but i still have time to dedicate to someone who just thinks i am too attached. some people have hobbies, interests or other commitments that are their priority. don't know if i should try to stick it out or tell him its time to date others. he may see your demanding to spend more time together than he is willing to spend, as needy and dependent. he will come and pamper me and make me happy. i feel like i am being clingy most of the time, but i also feel if i step back, he will fall away or think i am cheating or not happy…. i realize now that my feelings are a result of my ex-husband ignoring me for almost 20 years. i try to call him once a week to catch up and see if he has time to see me, but even though we have a nice chat and he says he's happy to hear from me, he'll say he's busy with his research or job so he can't see me(he works 2 different part-time jobs too). if he’s struggling with a particular client, we’ll talk it through – and he helps me work through the best way to handle my difficult clients. he still wants me to wait for him, i do not get it. don't want to just back off and make her come to me becuase that would be playing games with her, which i think is stupid and contrived. but i am messaging you because i’ve cried myself to sleep every night since we broke up and i am starting to doubt my actions. all of a sudden, he is always busy and never makes time for us anymore. coz he knows my family lots of communication happened with my bro and dad they were happy too. going to give u some space and contact me when you ready to continue with this relationship. was the end of both of our semester so we were so busy we said, ok not right now, then i went away for christmas break to see a friend, so we didn't meet up. friends and i pitched in for a keurig 1-cup coffee maker as a med school grad present. i think he’s slowly getting the message that i’m not interested in revisiting that chapter.. i was very needy (read previous comment) but now with a new guy i am trying so hard to not be needy and to act super uber confident that i feel as though he has lost interest/taken that i am not interested. was an outgoing girl, i had my life planned out, very focused on my education and i knew what i want and i was extremely independent. i've been telling myself that i need to back off, but i always end up texting or calling to say hi and initiate conversation. one of those times we kissed which turned into steamy dating for 3 months. lesson is – no matter how much you think someone else might be looking out for you, you also have to look out for you..he became very distant emotionally he calls once a day for a few minutes and i stopped hearing all the sweet talk. because, if a girl said why i didn’t call her and i liked her. at least for me, i felt such intense pride for my husband when he got his dream job/promotion, etc. you have the instinct to want something healthy and good. but as i have said, something is wrong with our relationship. outside of that you also have friends, hobbies, interests, and perhaps work or study to keep you busy., and he declared he needs time to think by thn i was exausted i said fine we'll do that take ur time . i made some poor choices in my early years, namely with this ex, and i now regret them. i have no idea which it was (or maybe it was both)–but regardless, my tentative conclusion is that i just needed someone who was very passionate about his work, but in a different professional world from me. he actually just broke up with me a few days ago and all my friends said they just can't give me advice because our relationship is a little different than most..he said again he's exhausted, busy, he apologized for the timing several times. problem started when he hit a big milestone in his work as he works on an abroad project and he got very very busy with his schedule and he along with his team are worried of losing the project. he logs on to facebook and sometimes takes long to reply. at first it was very casual and random texting and then he would text stuff like xoxoxo, sweet dreams sweetie, how did you sleep last night, and he mentioned getting together in the new year with my one year old son. from what he’s said, he feels the same pride for me when i do well. i am still not satisfied–especially when he is away on a business trip or working overtime. i've known times when my friends' ideas were made better because of their clingy girlfriend that did not forget their notebook or their laptop. he seemed okay with it because he didn't want me to spend too much money. little things like he takes phone calls when i am around (not when we are busy or anything like that) he will burp a few times, simple things. i’ve started taking steps to plan a life that doesn’t involve his chaotic and risky career – maybe not anything as drastic as “the big d,” but maybe taking the kids by myself somewhere where i’ll have a stable job and he can continue to flail from random city to random city in his completely consuming job. there's something wrong and it frustrates me not being able to point it out to him or even to myself.

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He's Too Busy For Her, Should They Keep Dating? | PairedLife

he did call more often after that for 2 weeks and i was fine meeting only after a week plus due to that since it made me feel that we're more connected. your bf has been off and on like that it is a clue that he loves you but feels guilty about something…. **** how do you tell me you feel all this love for me and then go numb or change so drastically in 3 weeks! i feel very hurt and misunderstood, and even more lonely now.!)so ok next time may be, but now there are so many relatives so every weekend he shud visit them , uncle, aunts materal and paternal ones . i don’t want to over analyze him or our relationship, and i acknowledge that in past relationships i became needy. were both equally competitive during med school, so perhaps i should’ve seen this coming. how cool would it be to move to a new city and not have to schlep to the grocery store to stock up on condiments, food, etc to fill a new fridge/pantry? if it continues and she still doesn't make enough time, i would bring it up and give her the chance to improve. had he been the right guy for you, his busy schedule would never have been a factor. she's always got some open house, or appointment, or convention going on. we meet up once or twice a week and talk on the phone every day. i too brought up that he wasn't even there for me when my mother passed away. my boyfriend and i agreed to just be friends because of his recently very busy schedule (which i do know is legitimate). the part that upsets me is when i call him, 90% of the time no one answer the phone, 50% of the time is because he is not at home, and 50% of the time is he does not want to answer the phone. suddenly, he pulled a 180 on me and told me we couldn’t be intimate anymore, that he was still broken from his last relationship. he told me that he'd make some changes, like adding a guy to the mix, but also told me that he was not going to sit at home alone if a girl called him up and asked him to do something. my ex sounds alot like fiona’s very busy surgeon. hes angry 4 me coz i checked his ex profile as i was feelin insecurity n we r nt in terms since date. he said that he tried to have us spend more time together by asking me to go out when he meets up with his colleagues and friends, but i refused. 5th he asked me to come home for that night and that he had found me a ride there and back. he has been coming on strong though, and what bothers me is how much and often he texts and calls. across your article after web browsing as i am in a very new relationship (less than a month) and am now starting to become needy already and am kicking myself stupid for it! he also said his time was only going to get worse and he made me upset when he mentioned he talked to others about his time with me but wouldn't talk to me about it. i get home by 6pm every single week night without fail, unless i’m on travel. this means that my perfectionist nature makes my life a living hell – trying to meet the demands of work and home. this time i replied 2 days later, and it has been 3 days and still no reply. for the first 2 months, he was doing the chasing, we chatted on yahoo messager every day monday to friday (minimum 1 hour per day), and we rarely talked on the phone, maybe only 0. i moved right after we started talking and when i came back for christmas we had an amazing time together. (ex: sometimes i want to know if someone has moved on from me or is planning on pursuing me; or develop a friendship); discussing elephants in the room (i used to bring up elephants in the room calmly, with a sense of humor, over the phone between dates; but i feel they are misinterpreted over text, so i just keep silent now, and sometimes there is no next date because of it). he would go through such extremes to get me back but would then sour out when i submitted to him. i must say it has been really painful dealing with my intense feelings when i feel avoided or abandoned in this relationship but i am glad that unlike in the past i have really observed my role in the situation and not just run like hell because it hurts but tried to work through it and learn something. he really opened up to me and said that he has not dated since the death of his wife, that he needed the time between losing his wife and the death of his son to heal. experience, i have learned that people will exert themselves even going above and beyond to work for something if they see the value in doing so. recently hes been talking to me more and more but i don’t know if he likes me as a friend or if it could be more. the way i did break up with him way before i sent you the message. but he still calls me every night for like 2 hours. We split because of his busy schedule and my inability to deal with it. i’ve been very busy with my daughters wedding this past weekend. if your hubby misses you all, have him set up his writing goals & teaching schedule (including blocking out days for grading, etc), then tell him cheerfully you really hope he can knock em out in order to be able to spend time with you. feeling that we both don't have much connections, i made a request for him to at least text me when he finishes work or reaches home. dating someone with less responsibility and more time to devote to a relationship is hard for me and it can be for anyone in the same situation. i am now going through a divorce because of being extremely needy and for always relying on my husband for happiness and reassurance and for never having confidence in myself. just enjoy it for now we are led to believe that a perfect or proper relationship involves long term commitment to someone who you put first, see a lot of and have at the centre of your life. currently we go out on one weekend and sometimes a weekday dinner. like the adjustment to a successful career woman is one he’s still fighting with. have learned a lot through my life, but what i have learned through the time we have been together is how important the art of communication is. he has hobbies that take up a lot of time too. we just merely live together like room mates and it is getting to me. some even said that in fact they thought *i* was the superior one in the couple..he said, i dont have to feel bad because he is busy with work. live with my boyfriend and his parents, we’ve dated on and off but this time we are giving it one last chance and we are best friends, but i feel we haven’t really been talking since we started dating this time. if i am guilting myself about filling plastic easter eggs for the daycare egg hunt *and* not taking the day off to go to said egg hunt, i’ll try and remember that a guy who filled plastic easter eggs or took the day off for the egg hunt would be given a “father of the year” medal. i was visiting with my family during the holidays, one of my cousins told her young son that he needs to stop playing a video game in order to share with another cousin. a few years ago we ended up commenting on the same thread on facebook, and she sent me a message basically saying, wasn’t that whole thing so crazy? he said forget this i was not (clearly was) and don’t call. stuff is just so confusing, on one hand i believe in taking risks, and getting what you want instead of waiting for what you want to come to u, but it seems when it comes to relationships this doesn’t apply, u gotta play by the rules or you’re screwed 🙁. you don't realize it yet but your enthusiasm (and believe me, enthusiasm is not bad, but it's all too easily overdone) is in danger of running away with you, plus your bad experiences in the past have taught you to not only analyze, but to analyze your thoughts and insecurities. he is super busy working full time and only a month ago started doing a personal trainers course in his spare time! i know you’re married, which makes things more complicated, but i think we both need somebody that can really be in a relationship with us. i had got free tickets to a comedy show and asked if he wanted to come, he asked when it was, i told him when, and he hasnt replied. thanks for the words of wisdom, if i really want this guy i will take him busy schedule and all - and it will be worth it. when i tell him its over he tells me he loves me and dosent want to lose me.! it turned to me saying all the cute stuff, me msging him constantly, me wanting to meet up all the time and him rejecting me. he even texted me on two occasions when he was out with friends. he didn't call but emailed after 2 days saying that he is going to start his training for the next 3 weeks and may be then he will have more time to call up and talk about things as right now he is busy moving things and getting ready to move to new place. it’s horrible being cast suddenly by a guy you’re seeing into some pretend “equality” man-role, reversing the situation, when it’s not equality at all (let’s face it, i earn less than a quarter of what they earn, despite being as well educated, i don’t have the same biological situation as them and have different kinds of needs, feelings and life), it’s just their way of getting out of a relationship as soon as a real relationship is required. i asked, well what if i just took days off & you were available?’m in a very similar situation — hubby is trying to start a business and is very busy, i have a fulfilling but pretty easy (hours-wise) job, and lots of free time on my hands. but most of us make time for the things and people that matter to us. she didn't call me back soon enough, so she can't expect me to hold my schedule open for her. i have never, ever thought of myself as a sad person, but going to therapy made me realize how much sadness i carried around about that relationship. carrie – i understand that the term “needy” or “neediness” has become a loaded term. but, it's worth all of the time and energy to be with someone you love and who allows you to express yourself and grow. i went to therapy for about a year because i had so much pent up rage/sadness at my ex and for how he treated me..however my heart dictates me to wait and be patience with him. i have made it a rule that no man meets my kids, unless it’s a serious relationship. but his actions are not showing me that he wants to be with me. am not the type of girl to send a million texts, or phone calls, i dont check in, i dont give them the 3rd degree or play 20 questions. she's shot me a text about making plans during business hours before. he would have fought to get you onboard with his busy schedule. he doesn’t seem to interested in making an effort to see me, so should i end the communication with him. he contacts me today to tell me he is engaged and this is goodbye. i hate to be do harsh, but i meant it when i said no contact..days passed his text message became less and less i will be fortunate if i receive one (that's bcoz i texted him first) when i called him after few days he mentioned hi's gone sick. but when i try to hold his hand or even hug him, he tells me not to touch him. even if this bizarro world is true, you and your partner can still approach these amazing job opportunities (which of course will come along frequently) in the following ways:If you are true partners, take a team mentality when it comes to your careers. i spoke to him about it as it was getting me down, and he said it was becausehe'd been doing weed every night and it was making him depressed, so he'd wake up at his friends at 5pm and want to stay with them because they cheered him up (whereas i would tell him to sort his life out haha)and then he'd do it again that night..Elizabeth 6 years ago hi veronica,i read 1/3 of the messages posted here, and your advice has been very wise. would you believe in all this time we've been on a small (3-4days) trip only twice? i was in a relationship when i meet him and was faithful. i was understanding and told him that my schedule was open when he had time. really hurt me recently was that i've planned a summer trip to estonia & finland and he refused to go. i have high standards so i thought when i got angry, or controlling it was just me. i feel like if you really want to, you will make time for someone. could say he is nocturnal, his friends don't really work so he is roun dthere all the time and they stay up all night,and sleep all day and i mean till 6 pm, this is 'normal' to him, pulling an all nighter before college seems a better and easier idea to him them going to bed at 3am for example., if he did it with his friends too, you're probably right. think you have some other issues going on right now. 8 years ago from nysharon,i think the problem is more where there's room to see friends and be alone and enjoy hobbies, and he doesn't make the time for you. if you want more time and commitment than he is offering, move on. he had just came home from iraq when we started dating. i'm currently in university but no matter how busy i am, he's of course busier since he's working. even before we started dating i knew he was a very busy person. so i cut the line and said that i am not like that and he agreed and said next time we will go on a dinner date instead. well now, he told me that he isn't happy cause he thinks that he cant make me happy, cause i want to be apart of his family life and he isn't ready, he said he needs to focus on his work and kids, and he doesn't know what he wants, a part of him doesn't want a relationship, girlfriend, someone to check in with. am thinking that this might be partly my fault, since he doesn't talk to me that often about things that bother him about me. i stopped texting him back and at all and then he texted me that he was thinking about me and wondering if everything is ok, i texted him back my answer and he said ” i think about you and your son all of the time, you do know that right? the most silent yet complicated guy i could have ever met. he'll usually sound guilty and propose to rearrange for another day or the following week, only for the same thing to happen again then. i just think that both of us would be better off if i'm with someone who is like me, who is more co-dependent in a relationship and who is able to fork out that kind of time (something which i believe was discussed here before)..but when i got back we picked right up for like a week wanting to make plans, but then we didn't meet up still since he got busy and the new semester started so we both sort of stopped talking for three months. way, if she really busy or playing games, i don't think i like this very much. what i realized is i'm a stand by girl, not someone he really wants to be with even though he told me he likes me and likes being with me. he said that he is so glad to have me as a friend, that he is always open to having new friends,that if i wanted friendship at first that is fine, but that he is really interested in finding a woman to share his life with i didn't hear from him for 4 days and than he wrote that he apoligzed for not responding to me earlier that he was so busy because he had to fly to the uk and check out this job he bided for some months ago and that he was going with his granddaughter to purchase some items necessary for the trip, and would be leaving tomorrow night. i know that perhaps he simply wants me available when he is (i have classes in the day. believe me i have been there and i tried both things and guess what when i ignore they come back running. post is exactly the reason that i consciously chose not to date and ultimately marry someone in law (my field). can have it all, too, but what i’m trying to explain in this article is that you don’t get it from wanting it. some guys are not good at being the initiator, or not good at phones (can we say phobia? i immediately felt better after our conversation, because we had the space to work out where these feelings were coming from without blaming each other..Noel 7 years ago i donno who is wrong is it him or me ? it was like he was afraid to have a conversation with me. at this he made the commnet that this wouldn't fix things in the long run which confused me even more because for me a few days apart will allow me to gain some independance from him, give him space, allow me to have things to say and talk about when i see him next, i also have been feeling that im too available and that i should step back, which i also told him. he wouldn’t talk to me about my actions until the break up, but he also mentioned how i acted i couldn’t careless about the house and just gave up. your focus is having an outstanding, amazing, deeply loving relationship with this guy, then you probably would think of him not calling as a slight annoyance and just let it slide while you do other things.. so glad that i found u all especially when am facing this '' too busy '' thingy..he says that he still loves me, he values me as his best friend, appreciates me as a person, but doesn't know when or ever he will be ready for a relationship. replicating relationship with unavailable parents is one reason and then recently seeing beneath that the emotional intensity of buried feelings of abandonment. he’s called babe and sweety in front of his friends and is usually also always holding my hand no matter the place.. know that if he is making an effort to change, it will likely last only a short while because it is very difficult for someone to change their behavior pattern after living a certain way for several decades. because for the past 2 months he took up a new job and has had maybe 3 days off in 2 months..about my guy, he is just the nicest guy i ever met. but feeling like you need someone like that and then having them ends things with you is a scary feeling because i am feeling it right now! however, i must also add i think today our culture has prompted men to become more selfish by putting off marriage until the time is right for them. he actually winked at me because he said that he liked my profile, it was honest, straight forward and sincere. you used some wording and choices in your comment that really show you are insightful, maturing, and truly trying. she spends at least once a week with me, but i know that this may not be so in the following months when she has to study for prelims and perhaps take on more projects since she can't say no. also if i start to help myself and do stuff for me, how long will it usually take until he is out of that phase? in the beginning we were going so good and now he's working all the time and he dont have time to call or see me. we barely talked and when i would half way mention anything about what was going on he was short with me an cut me off. he knows he made me cry and i called asking for him to meet me for coffee to give me some answers. what do i do or say to make him understand that his actions are too needy for me? saying or doing something from a place of love comes across a lot different than saying or doing something from a place of judgment or anger. however, it seems as if everything that i need to do has fallen within a two month time span, and i mean everything. then there was about 3 weeks between then and our next date, as he has a really busy schedule- just bout an old car so has been getting it done before going back to work, he's training for another job (can't really say what it is), seeing his friends etc and on occasion he's asked me to do something and i've already made plans. 5 years ago my bf of yrs is too busy for my liking.,feeling ignored is absolutely a frustrating experience and a lot of patience is needed when you make a decision to be with someone who you knew was busy from the get go. (i’m not saying that either one of the people doesn’t occasionally have a bad day or get triggered by something, but even when that happens, the overall tone of the relationship is so good that any bumps in the road are quickly resolved and left behind… nobody wallows endlessly in it and when one person feels upset, the other person is so charged up from the relationship that they’re happy to be supportive and loving… it’s much harder for a partner that’s absolutely drained.’m training in another specialty of medicine which is less demanding on time though equally stressful. i guess only time will tell the future of our relationship, but i want to give it time and not give up. another week passes (2 since we first met up) and sill no phone call or plan on text from him to meet up ever, so i text him and say so you want to meet up sometime or just for a short study break in the city? i try to be understanding that his work is super busy and demanding so i only send the next text after he’s responded to the previous one, but the matter of the fact is that i check my phone frequently to see if he’s texted back yet. all those 10 min delays add up–sounds like he’d better recognize the total amt of time in the delay or his flight may be cancelled. well on fri we met up after work for a really nice dinner. feel as if the guy is withholding from them… all the meanwhile, fixating on trying to “make it work”, so they emerge a victorious character in the love story. she wouldn't be too stressed or too busy to see you or be with you if she wanted to be with you. lets me down a lot and i have given him too many chances, but he is the best apoligizer i have ever known. i have spoken to him about not making time for something so new and he says he wants to give us a chance how can he give something a chance if he is always busy , i play the patient role and i support him in everything he does . however, i think if i had this mentality with all men, i would be single for life. he does not do that all of the time, but there is a pattern.. i gave in and went i was hoping to get some sort of closure of what happened with us. asked him last night and several times before, is there a chance we could ever try again? i have asked him to be honest so many times, that if he aint interested in me, he should tell me on the face so that i can quit talking to him and move on.. i’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months now & becasue i work part time and live in a small town with not alot of friends or things to entertain me i put all my happiness into him & get really offended and upset if he doesnt reply or want to do stuff with me – & i know i’m pushing him away! though i'm a teenager (about to go to college), i've already faced the same problem. he tells me i should get more hobbies to fill my time and i have, but they don't take as much time as his hobbies. some guy 9 years ago veronica, i wonder if after three martinis you would have just told this girl she needs to wake up if she really broke up with a guy because he has a busy schedule. is great when we are 2gether but then when we dnt see each other hes grumpy and cold with me . those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… at least, for the moment. a commentnew comments are not being accepted on this article at this time..and the night he broke up with me he said, we can take a break and if we areike i said, we broke up almost 3 weeks ago.

The Top 5 Red Flags In A Long-Distance Relationship

Sex and relationship advice: 'My boyfriend is too busy to see me

he calls alot shows up where i am seems interested in my life and we still get together occasionally but i cant forget how great we were together before. i only asked for a once a week date and a brief phone call or a few texts a day. to my movin back to town i used to be the complete oppisite, always busy, working 12 hour days always out with friends. refuse to settle for less than what i deservei believe that we meet people and they teach us lessons about life, we don't always know what that lesson is right away, but eventually it makes sense. have some friends agree that you can call them if you ever think seriously about it, and they will talk you down. one time i invited him over, and he said he was going to go pick apples the next day. as long as i can help him grow and see him trying too, then i am sticking this relationship out. i met this guy 5 days ago and we’ve been texting alll day. we have not seen each other in this past month, just emails and phone calls. it's said, to say, if you would choose not to be with someone because he is too busy, you may do better looking to a different kind of guy for a partner..but this past week has been hell i have to beg him to call me back and im pretty sure its because everytime we talk all i find myself talking about is trying to make him give us another chance.” i met my husband when i was in law school in nyc and he was living in wisconsin, where he’d grown up. we don't call much as i'm always monitoring phones and she's in depositions. we are both intensely competitive and, looking back, i am shocked either of us made time for the other. he does try to drop yahoo messages once or twice a week but it is usually very brief, ie. i reached a point where i need to jump some major hurdles to move forward in my life, and i mediated on what i needed to do to clear the hurdles. or how can i “fix things” so he knows i am an independent person and so he (hopefully) doesn’t “run foe the hills” before he truly knows me? he's not ready to shuffle his schedule or invite me to join him when he has plans with his friends (a lot of whom are females) and today told me that he doesn't know when he will have much more free time. i want is for him to send a small text saying "i love you" or call quickly to tell me about his day. i realize that i tend to start acting that way when i begin to really like a guy and start questioning if he really likes me or if he is going to walk off (i've got some abandonment issues). were both in grad school, in different departments, and i went to a party hosted by someone in his department whom i happened to have met through university activities. i would set up a ‘chinese wall’ so that if you are looking at the same jobs as your so, it doesn’t come out until one person gets the job. however, if they keep putting it off, will the time ever be right?.yesterday, i read from your advices here in this blog that women should be a lil bit mysterious and should not be available all the time. i don't know why he isn't perfectly honest about that: if he's trying not to hurt your feelings, if he's a coward, if he's a game player, if he's married or otherwise committed, or what. we had our first date a week ago and things went great, i didn’t act needy towards him at all, we even joked about me confessing my feelings for him first and that it’s a challenge for him to keep my interest in him. i’m guessing there are other readers out there that feel this way, especially when both people are working in the same field, firm, company, etc. he gets angry at the fact that i get upset (over things i feel i have a right to, such as him telling me recently he didn't want to get to know my friends), and would tell me he doesn't want any negativity in his life. if you balance someplace inbetween how much time he'd like and how much time you'd like, then you are working as a team and you're golden., ‘hi’, ‘i am very tired’, ‘i love you’, ‘bye’ type of messages. is a load of crap so ‘typically english’ – neediness can be mistaken for passion. he already does so much more at home than i do (though we “hire out” the regular work – lawncare, cleaning, laundry). to put it as clearly as i can, had he wanted the relationship to work, the excuse of his busy schedule would be non-existent. on some level i think you've figured out you're just not in the right place to have to be dealing with this kind of relationship shit. still, he does not go above and beyond to show me love, i do many acts of romance for him, and he does none for me. i was recently dating a guy for 4 months who initially was very into me and i realized after reading your advice that i started doing all the wrong things by investing too much in him and getting upset at him for doing things i wanted him to do which were not really important to me in the big picture i see now, i just didn’t know any better because i wasn’t really aware of what i was doing destructively until now. just don’t let him guilt trip you into covering his household when he’s already shirking his duties at home (see my post above about my dad). 9 years ago from nylauren,his having a busy schedule and responsibilities is understandable. if you want a lasting relationship, have the guy get to know you over time — with your clothes on. issue i have with our relationship is that, since we live together and are poor college students, we don't go out and spend much quality time together. otherwise one can say, look i’m busy, i don’t have the time this week. it were me, i wouldn’t want to be competing for the same jobs – that is uncomfortable enough when it is a friend, i can’t imagine doing it with an so. before reading this one, it wasn’t too long ago that i fell a victim of being too needy to a guy that i liked so much. are both getting sick of 6 hours of flying to see each other and with plans to marry and buy a home in the near future; being in the same city this time next year is definitely the plan. i do thank you for the information knowledge is key but something positive would be fantastic! he had a habit of disappearing around the holidays and going long periods of time without contact. will i just have to wait until i come back from japan (in 1 or 2 years) before i try to reconnect with him? i know it's early and this is why i have a problem b/c this is supposed to be the time we make memories, have fun, be spontaneous and see each other often. i've been afraid that if i do not chase after him for time, the distance between us will get greater till the point of no return. you give him that space, he’s likely texting or scrolling through other women’s profiles. i don't want to be with someone that wants me one day and then acts shady to me the next. is there any hope that he will want to have a good relationship someday. recently he tells me he sits in front of the computer for too long that his back hurts so much that he needs to see physiotherapy. i have met his family already and i do have teo kids we he is very good too. i actually feel lucky when she says she can spend a whole weekend with me.)u don't like me being with my family or frends. thanks for leaving the comment – knowing that my work is helpful makes me feel good, so i appreciate it. i call bs on anyone that’s “too busy” to make it work — your family and your relationships are your priorities, and if you can’t make that happen when you first start dating, i think you’ll have an uphill battle at ever having a viable and lasting relationship. also, why if he is putting so much effort into you do you think he has someone else? he always tells me something came up and he’s sorry. *panic attack at the mere thought*this guy said he liked me, but never acted like it. asked me a long time ago how do you know when you've met the one you should marry. he tells me that he really likes me, he thinks im cute, but he says that im clingy, because of all the texts i send him. she’s incredibly stressed right now with moving/residency, and i wanted to get her a graduation/welcome to new york present that might be some sort of stress relief. i put forward some semi-serious questions recently, but it was in fairness, a retaliation of the months of seriousness build up he was giving me. could news like that really make a guy lose interest, he said he still like me and all but not feeling romatic these days, just angry with his ex-wife, who he's still friends with. besides that,he is always busy,he have assignment to do,test is coming,gym and computer games. i haven’t checked out the site for quite some time. we end up making plans, but being the player i was, i stood him up. since then, in the past 3 months, he promised it is his turn to fly to visit me, but every single weekend he is busy with this job or that paper, he keeps pushing it and pushing it, from april to may, and now from may to june. and even if he has, you two are not the only people in the world to have an ugly, messy breakup. lives two towns over from me and he rarely calls, we barely go out on dates, all it appears as if he's looking for is a physical thing. for the past 3 years,i've really treated him badly,i'm nagging him all the time and angry him over small thing. but if she has an ambitious spouse, she’d better make sure that her husband has the same understanding of what makes a “good family” as she does. he has expressed interest in working to improve our relationship and has made time in his life that he wants to spend with me, so i think that he genuinely wants to try this again, but i feel that i should test the waters rather than jumping in head-first. but since he has a hectic life, it's not worth it for me to be with him. he knows not to be late or cancel because that is a deal- breaker for me. sometimes that feels unfair because i was not in those relationships and i did not experience those dynamics. i was really enjoying his company so stayed later than i had intended, resulting in perhaps a glass too many for me. it seems he has time for his female cousin and her friends, and not me. he puts his mom before me and i’m to shut up well bye then. my former boyfriend and i both have very very busy schedules (he's a few years older) due to school, extracurricular activities, and many outside projects, which i can assure you are both legitimate and extremely time-consuming on my part and on his. that means sharing, being able to be weak and vulnerable, being able to ask and condemn behavior that i don’t think is alright and so on (i don’t think it’s needy to ask why they’re not seeing you to the airport when they know you’re going away for a few weeks, or why they barely make time for you and see you three times in a whole month. am a phd and work as an application scientist so i am pretty busy too but just wanted more attention. please give me any advice on where i should go from here. thing is i've needed him a few times, and told him and he says he can't come round because he promised he'd go watch the match. i am just thinking too much about all of this, all together! if i’d have stayed, i would probably not be married to the same guy, nor would i have the great career and fantastic salary my new skills brought me! after observing her schedule, i began to question how much time she has for me. but what is the balance - my partner has a busy job plus hobbies which he wants to do. he’s noticed and is angry about me “systematically writing him out of our [mine and the children’s] lives. the past year i have been dating a workaholic doctor who is on the flipside dealing with serious engulfment issues. at first it kind of shocked me that i’d met a man who put me before his family and friends and could be so explicit about making me and our relationship #1. i respected their time and when he was at work i didn't either, not unless he emailed or texted me first. started feeling more confident and decided to start dating, but the grad school i go to doesn't have the kind of guys i'm into at this time in my life, like with the same interests, so i decided to try an internet dating site. he seemed happy that he was with me but unsure and confused about having a relationship. really hope it hasn’t put anything into his head that will end the relationship, becuase he is an amazing person & he really does make me want to be a better person! on the weekends, he is either working on the new job, or working on his scientific papers for his publication, or preparing lectures, or attending field campaigns or client meetings with his colleagues. love mandy’s comment: “thanks so much for teaching me to be better at cheating on my husband! and believe it he would actually call me a few times a week more than i called him! that happens by me making lifestyle choices that i’m happy with.(btw when i went to his place he had invited his frends which i was not aware of so he quickly dropped me to my place and was angry coz i din take an appointment) so i cancelled all my plans. i am convinced he is so repulsed by me that even if i was the hottest thing on the planet, he would run a mile. and are some people just too competitive that they might as well find someone in a different field of work? one saturday planned to go for a movie with my frends , but din inform him as i knew he wud be busy, but thn he texed me to check wat am upto n i replied. he’s a divorcee (separated for years)15 year older than me i’m 38 he’s 54 (he reminded me of that twice, but we don’t mind) to say all that this past week and a half he mention to me he has work during the weekend (he does twice a month military) and could not see me that weekend during the week he been a work late night and preparing for his pt test and has been very tired but we still talk on the phone and he stopped by my job to see me but i was not their (i said thanks for the thought but i also would like to have quality time he said he knows)..i told him that sometimes girls also wants to hear those sweet words. so, i asked him if i can come during the first week of december, he said no that second week will be better. i managed to push her away with my neediness and after 9 months she dumped me and broke my heart and my mind. you are very young, and you will find someone much better that treats you like the jewel you are! unfortunately i’m not the kind of girl who plays it cool so i replied straight away and agreed to meet briefly as i had other plans for the evening. are you someone who is prone to anxiety or unable to relax and enjoy what you currently have? if i’m told that they want to spend the day with me and will text me later i’m not going to text nor call them because they specifically told me they would. he was really considerate and spent as much time with me as he could..i'm so emotional about it because for the first time in a long time i really really liked this guy, was willing to drive out to wherever he was to meet up and just see him, or even talk to him on the phone, but nothing from him and i'm the one this time initiating all the text messaging. mind you he was in a different state with his family during this holiday season, so the idea of meeting up, really for the "first non intoxicated time" would be in a months time.!)so ok next time may be, but now there are so many relatives so every weekend he shud visit them , uncle, aunts materal and paternal ones . it's only been 4 days since he's moved, but he has yet to ask me about how my day has been or initiate any conversation with me. on the other hand, i am a very busy and independent woman. i'm trying to be patient and give him space and time to figure it out but it's driving me crazy. but if not, then you can think “wow it’s good i never texted him again, because he wasn’t going to contact me anyways”. he calls back he is telling me some information about this company he is starting. he has a daughter in paris, whom he is making off time to go see this weekend because she is sick. i always try to leave myself in a positive light when i'm not around the person i'm dating, but this girl is causing me to feel a little negative about her. i asked him why, he said and i quote: "i'm working two jobs now and i plan on taking a class, and if you come [before the 2nd week], it will mean me sacrificing one of those things and i don't want to do that. have never been needy in my life, guys have always been needy towards me n ive always got any guy i wanted with out trying. maybe he wanted to see that someone special in me, but he was never sure in the end so he never made it real. about two weeks ago i told him i like him (i thought i was really really sincere when telling him, not sure if i did it wrongly that way…) and he asked me out. i do understand that to some extent but after reading everyone saying "if he wants to be with you-he will make time" i'm somewhat confused. you do go above and beyond at times to be there for me. he will come and find me every tues and wed morning before school. met a guy online and we only went on two dates so far. our resumes mirror each other’s in a lot of ways, and i can’t help but feel the tension sometimes. it’s really forced me to become independent and stay busy, and he puts the effort of the time he has. some women will try and throw the wrench in the fan when they see an ex happy…. i have gone back and glanced over the email trail – it was always me initiating the emails, the accusing “what have i done? it’s been an adjustment for us lately with my international business travel. he seems to get a little irritated that i keep busy with family and friends. i went to south africa in july for the world cup and i met a guy there who i immediately fell for.. tonight i got a call from his number… and some weird noise with his voice was on my vm. is this guy overly busy or am i an attention hore?’s the bigger picture:He said he’d call and he didn’t..im gonna make him feel scared a lil bit too. you really need to become a whole person, that is independent..( ughhh it just hard caus i wish i couldnt spend a lot more time with him. i was receiving very very few calls (once a week) and not more than few very short texts a day to just say ho or wishing me a good day. if he pulls away, and i stay or pull back too, eventually he will come back. eight years later after our marriage, this ex still reaches out to my husband (but not me) through facebook email and says terrible things about me. he wrote me a letter a few years later asking for forgiveness..its a very big site so sometimes we dont see each other that often. im not happy about it,and i asked him why is he always talking to that girl,does he love him or somehting like tat. if he wanted to send you a text or make a 13 second phone call just to say, "i love you, good night" he would. we were in contact the month after our breakup, until i realized that was too painful for me because i was still wanting more, so now i have told him i need no contact with him until i can heal and feel indifferent. by the way is a relationship signalled in some way? she's studying for a phd and hence has to be busy academically. i don’t know what to do all i do is think of him i sleep next to my boyfriend and think of this 19 year old i cant even kiss my boyfriend without thinking of the other guy, i have told the 19 year old how i feel but he said we will talk about it some time i know i am being selfish here but my hearts a total mess without him i need him there how do i get him in my life even if its just to have him as a friend but then again how do i live with him dating my sister while my heart longs for him please help me im so tiered of hurting. i know he wants to see me, but you can't just cancel appointments with clients etc to hang out with your girlfriend right??well apart from these things now he has become too busy and stressed, reason recession, ok i understand but u know , he hangs out with his frends and plays tennis on week ends , doesn call me everyday. first of all, it’s difficult to develop a meaningful relationship when both of you are working 60-100 hours as week on a consistent basis. i complain and get sad that i am always doing things for him and i always have time for him, why can’t he return the favor?.so i avoid a lot of discussions though some are very important. he was so furious he was like y din u inform me ? 9 years ago i hate it when a girl i am dating latches on to my life like a leech, and expects me to spend all my time with her. was a great call and we were both relaxed and worked through everything. she tried to friend me and added me on facebook just to try to gain information. and it was a vital and important time in my development. i am also hurt because it has only been 2 1/2 months, which means he may have been serious with this woman for a long time. invest your time and energy wisely to avoid these pitfalls. you're telling me, you would say no, that's "stupid and contrived. most of the time it is at his house and i felt like all we did was make out. 6 years ago i typed in " too busy to talk" & this came up, this the best article i've ever read, after reading almost all the comments here i ddnt have to write my own problem, a little of my problem is told in all the comments and the advice you gave is amazing just what i needed to hear, thank you veronica for words full of wisdom.

What If She's Too Busy For You? - AskMen

Is He Really Too Busy, or Is He Just Not Into Me?

(ya,is true,i always questioned him about whether he is still in love with me or not,and i told him that i feel insecure and feel that he don't really love me. do you think i should let it go and move on or give him the time and space he needs?'m sure you are the best thing that's happened to him, and i'm sure he means it when he says that. i am a single mother, a full-time student in college at the age of 30+ a few, an officer in one of the clubs on campus, on student council, and heavily involved in a group. but when i say why don't u ever call he says ok he will but doesn't. the marriage is to survive (and i’m not 100% sure that it should — just don’t have enough info), it sounds like you guys need a mediator — have you thought about couples counselling? the guy was supportive at first, but over the next few months became more and more upset about it, angry and mean to me.! to me, that means he’s politely telling me he’s not interested. i need some short of contact so i can be more relaxed with him when i will go back there.(i coudn figure out) thn i said treat me like ur frend i am here for you u can discuss all ur problems he yelled at me lol. our meetings have not been too often and brief, but i like his way about himself. i just want to spend time with this man i have grown to have feelings for. back, i feel like a grade a dummy for letting him treat me that way. well i hit him up fri afternoon and called on sun but no response. i feel like i have to feel grateful for the time you give me, because it is an improvement on how you may have behaved in previous realtionships. it took many crying phone calls to him to find out it was because i stopped doing things. that happens by me choosing who i allow into my life and who i don’t. any way you can help me make sense of this? so my main relationship experience was with a guy that did nearly everything with me & was super affectionate, (when he wasn't being somewhat abusive. he doesnt want to get tired of the person he is with, and needs time to do his own thing. i really appreciate your comments so much i know this is a personal subject. between dates i find it hard to believe, because i feel like if he did like me he would still make time for me or he would call me. this can get tricky, because i always found that “i’m super busy right now” was the nicest way to brush someone off (or be brushed off), but the over-achieving guy can also legitimately get super busy. if someone is too busy for even that, then he is just not into you enough. i always tried to find some way of seeing him, but overtime he called less and stopped making plans. i hadn't met anyone in quite sometime that i deemed worth dating, so if anything he reminded me that there are men out there that are successful and independent, which is what i want - but he also showed me that i want to be with someone who is more than just kinda into me. i could’ve written your story… except that even more time has past, and until recently, i struggled with just what you describe: fearing that the emotionally abusive college boyfriend would reappear in my life and wreak havoc. however it seems like he's less interested in spending time with me now and he's being tied down to work till late at night. anyway later that evening, he texted me asking how im doing etc, but after texting back he took over a day to reply. then he didn't reply to my text on saturday until monday morning, when he asked if he could pop in to see me. i know it stinks, but you can’t make someone interested in you. 8 years ago from nygrace/nicole,it's usually not a good sign when we think we know what's best for someone else in spite of what they say or do. if he does, you have a pretty good defense – this guy is not an ex-boss or law enforcement officer or parole official, someone with some credibility. i wonder sometimes if i make this dynamic worse by feeling responsible for how your work demands etc effect you and how i feel i should compensate for that? want to start off with the fact that i am an em path, i absorb peoples emotions only i end up feeling them as my own and it sucks because if i am around someone feeling really strong emotions, they become my own i can’t discern them. he told me he has not had a relationship in 5 years cause he is so busy. i know he cares he shows me but is it enough to make this last? i say this to any single ladies in the house to let you know that such men are out there. consequently, i applied for an appellate clerkship in wisconsin, which was offered to me and we ultimately moved here. do want to keep the (previously excellent) relationship going and she said before she went that she did too - help?.was it my fault or does he genuinely not feel interested and used his being busy and not able to commit as a reason to break things off..we are changing every moment…emotions etc change shift and transform our lives. so let’s just say keep the extreme “nurturing” to any children that may result from this union. no need to reply … i am grasping it all completely now … thank you for your time 🙂. i am an extremely needy person and i wish i wasn’t. rather than obsessing over why he isn’t spending more time with you. thought long and hard about whether to post my email to him on here, and i have because, i hope that it might help someone else with similar issues. i don’t feel romantic about him at all but i guess i became dependent on him in my own vulnerability. and each time there was a pause, the other person was just supposed to say “tell me more about that. this had been the right guy for you, i don't see how his being busy would be a deal-breaker..i told him about i feel if he doesnt text or call me., even the busiest person has the time to send a quick email or text. it's great that you and your partner have been together for 5 years, and if he has a busy job and hobbies and you're satisfied with how much time you spend together, then that's the right amount. we decided one afternoon while his parents were at work to video tape ourselves doing certain acts – and i’m not talking about some nice little love making. 6 years ago renee, clearly he is was not a commitment phobic. sunday he didn't message me at all until 11 pm and said he was so sorry he didn't get to message me earlier and that he hopes i am doing well and said goodnight babe.. i still have these regrets whether i could have salvaged the relationship or was i being too hasty to have done the breaking up. my ex told me he was so attracted to me in the beginning because i was so confident and independent. basically, my parents are always together and i feel like i should want to be with my guy all the time. i too have been bothered that we aren't at the same place. next day he informed me that his friend and others he was golfing with spent a late night out. my relationship just ended for these very reasons – as you say, i put all my eggs in one basket and the pressure was put on him to be all that made me happy. the house thing i completely disagree with, but after thinking about my actions and going through text messages, i am really wanting to bang my head on the wall for being so oblivious of my behavior and what i was doing to him. you're allowed to just say this isn't working for me right now, and let it go. or do i just want to cut my loses now and move on to make way for a guy who is ready to give me what i want and need right now. am very ambitious and travel a lot for my career, and also work an hour from my home. i am an extremely busy person and find it very difficult to make spare time to even talk to my mum on the phone… and yet i often put off things to find the time to text him. we are 2gether hes amazing he can hold me thight in his arms all nite long,he drops me and collects me and we live like 30mins away 1 way . stayed , awhile for my kids, such the wrong thing to see them see me go through! it’s a shame that i lost that when i begin to put too much of my focus on him. anyhow, things only went downhill and he seemed to not realize that he was the one that had very little time, yet i was still patiently waiting and not complaining. would love some advice and your take on this situation., i never liked the term “needy” and if i were starting with a clean slate, i wouldn’t even bring it up as something to talk about – i would focus entirely on what works and then you’d never have to investigate the shortcomings and explanations for what doesn’t work and why it doesn’t work. however he had told me the night before that he was moving back to base and going back to work the week after (today in fact). is key — i probably text obsessively, but i do think it helps my husband to know when i’m starting my last case, and it helps me to know when he actually arrives at the gym, so that we can plan. snow 9 years ago i am answering this assuming that his busy schedule does not mean his wifeclassic! he has made me uncomfortable with her multiple times now which i hold resentment against him for that and i am pissed at her for disrespecting me like that and him for not feeling disrespected because i am. real moments, where you think about what's best for him, and what he would want. he never seems to have the time to talk to me, unless i'm too busy to talk to him at the moment. i think that is very telling when two people are ambitious… where does your highest praise come from? has always been little things that annoy me lie he is late to everything, not just 10 minutes but like 2 hours late. am answering this assuming that his "busy schedule" does not mean his wife. is just not capable or willing to start something real with me, and i really mean minimum commitment. i finally told him that it’s too much and asked if we can ease on the communication. we meet maybe 3 times a week, and when we do, he is usually too tired to really engage with me. the only way to know if he has someone is to flat out ask him. i just wanted to say thankyou for your articles, and although it will take a lot of mental effort to overcome 20 years of living and relating to people in a “needy” way, i am going to start today with the help of your tips. you get to know each other and learn to trust each other, you’ll be significantly more connected and establishing investment won’t be as much of a concern. thing is i love him and i know he loves me too, but for some reason 'he can't do this relationship thing. he was clerking in another city while we were engaged, and we struggled to strike a good balance of work/personal time during that year. ( i know, if he was interested he’d make time, etc). i decided not to e-mail him anymore and to wait and see if he does contact me. people that use dating sites are always like, "i'm so busy, that's why i use a dating site. then you might become sad that he keeps acting that way despite having tried to say nicely why it matters to you. i made sure to tell him that there wasn’t pressure and that it was okay if he didn’t like me the way that i like him. was no games, no chase and we are open about our expectations and what we feel. i've been having the same problems with my boyfriend; he's just very busy..like everyone's telling me i should move on since if he wanted it to work he'd have at least said he wanted to hang out again just when he's less busy. time for the relationship by having dates outside of home? being said, i also moved away from him after 4 years living under the same roof to pursue my career. i know he said that he was leaving on 12/21/11 and he had to be at the site on monday 12/26 and it would take at least 10 days for him to inspect the site and take care of some other planning their. that year he lived in a house with a mix of guys and girls, but when push came to shove, it always chose to do something with the girl in his house.(3)moaning to your friends how he never calls you etc and then when he does, dropping your friends like a hot cake. on the second day we talked for about 4hours on the phone and got disturbed so we ended the call. i’ve been with my boyfriend a one year and eight months, and at first, he was always trying to reel me in, and it seems like now that he’s got me, the roles have switched.’s really hard seeing/being with someone being occupied by other problems that you can’t help with at all. let him recover, and finish probation, and just get past this part of his life, sadly that means the good parts as well as the bad parts. he gets lonely and wants me all to him when i’m home. but now that the anger has subsided and the tears and memories are flowing in, i can’t help but think i made a mistake. one of my good friends is graduating med school and will be moving to nyc for her residency. most of the time we see the truth, but don't want to accept it. he says that now he feels ready to open up his heart and he is glad that i am too. feel very needy and dependent and don't know whether his busy schedule should be a deal breaker ? for instance, i used to be the neediest girl in past relationships, but in this one, i am dating a very busy medical student. 5 years ago i been dating for 2 months but he to busy with his life. he made me feel like i was asking for too much. because i was stuck writing my thesis over the summer, he decided to re-kindle his friendships with an old group of friends, which was fine except that one of his friends was an ex-girlfriend. this is a human thing… and it simply comes down to this:One person makes the other one *responsible* for their emotions/emotional state. we understand that emergencies come up for both of us and we have to be flexible. it's not ok that you've given someone that's not even trying to be your boyfriend that kind of power and that much control in your life. friday he bought me ice cream and brought it for me ,he brings lunch for me with me asking . reading your post brought tears to my eyes because it hit so close to home. during the date, he kept saying that he’s really enjoying the time with me and that we should meet more often.(btw when i went to his place he had invited his frends which i was not aware of so he quickly dropped me to my place and was angry coz i din take an appointment) so i cancelled all my plans. he didn’t forget about your birthday and come home stinking drunk at 2 am. or do you give him a taste of his own medicine the next day and ignore him? still we find time to communicate through email and make time during the week and weekends to go on dates. and we didn’t fight at all… he made love to me like never before, and he even said that he felt like when we were first dating… so, thanks for the excellent article 🙂. this apply if you never text or call him and wait a few days, like four to say “hey, hope you’re having a good day!, if someone steps over the line in my life, i will do my best to let them know they crossed the line (if i feel it’s worth saving the relationship). but to me, deadline is a deadline, i don’t want to move the deadline. coupleof weeks ago, i met this guy and we instantly clicked, we had so much in common and i was really attracted to him. he says that he cares about me and just quit his part-time job so he will have friday just for me; i feel like it's a trap, lol. i want u to be happy so if your not with me around at the moment and u need time to think just let me know. he was supposed to be up north (as he was all week long hunting), but when i got to his house he was actually home. yeah, if a guy throwing a tantrum because you didn’t call him, that falls under my definition of being needy – his sense of ok-ness was derailed because of your actions.?well apart from these things now he has become too busy and stressed, reason recession, ok i understand but u know , he hangs out with his frends and plays tennis on week ends , doesn call me everyday. however, some guys for some reason have a pathological fear of the phone. i do most of the housework, and i know i do it because i have time, but sometimes i resent the gender roles. while our backgrounds are different, the jobs that we do are increasingly similar, and we have applied for the same job in this past. people that use dating sites are always like, "i'm so busy, that's why i use a dating site. i immediately feel liberated by this idea and that in it’s simplistic form … no one should prioritize anyone over themselves, and i don’t mean it in a selfish and entitled manner … but we all need to find self worth before we can maintain a healthy relationship 🙂 but then again … are we ever truly ready lol lol we are all imperfect … but this all gives me great insight to perfecting myself hahahhaahah 🙂 ty. he will come and pamper me and make me happy. however, as if studying isn't enough, she inundates her schedule with working overtime, mentoring, teaching, volleyball and family. i really feel he is a good guy that has good intentions but who seems to have time organization problems that go beyond me. but 3 months ago my husband and me are getting divorce, so we started to talk. but world, please believe me when i say that everything else in this relationship was wonderful! i am an aggressive person and she is scared in that sense but what can i do to either to get her to stop being an attention whore/home wrecker/liar/fake or just remove yourself because she makes all the girls uneasy. i am super motivated and i will have a busy schedule myself once i am living with him.. traveling together is one of my ideas of a great couple time and he plainly refuses to take part in such a happening. it had been the right time, he would have made it work. i also brought up that we still only met once a week when he was having his school holidays because he was still busy with all sorts of things. you gave me real advice that i can actually apply. i email him or call him or just wait and watch. whenever i do anything wrong it takes him a week before he even wants me to speak to him but when he doesn something wrong its like i should get over it instantly.!let's see im in a 7 month relationship with this wonderful guy that makes me very happy. some days he'll call 3 or 4 times, others, not at all. i beg him if i could meet him up in his house for a visit which he agreed and later cancelled the plan due to his work load. the evening that he came round he only stayed a short time and during that time things felt kinda tense and i know it was because i wasn’t my normal chilled out self. i felt better getting “real” time with my so, and he felt like a true priority. i tried not to write to him in yahoo a few days, and tried not to reply back when he wrote to me. i’m scared to death that i’ve become needy in his eyes, because now he doesn’t contact me at all! one saturday planned to go for a movie with my frends , but din inform him as i knew he wud be busy, but thn he texed me to check wat am upto n i replied. we are at similar places in our career, and are doing similar things, we bounce ideas off of each other all the time. even though you came into the picture after he entered recovery, you are part of that relationship, especially since he relapsed and has gone through so much with it. now i know he needs his man time & maybe the competition is a mental break from his work, his mother's health, maybe even pressures of (barely there) girlfriend. but some of the posts above are making me realize there are guys out there that are willing to put the relationship first. was a long distance relation when we started,he used to make time for me like once or twice a month, even though there were arguments , fights (infact he got frustrated that , physically he is not happy with me and even said he would like to date some other gals , behaved toatlly like a jerk . well the 19th came and when he landed he told me he was very behind at work and stressed out. i have been in my relationship for a year and a bit now and i am was a very independent person, i have had a bad history of men using me so this was the first relationship where i have started to let my barriers down with him. but if it happens, like it happened with me, it’s not the end of the world at all.

He Doesn't Even Live Here: Why Dating Apps Should Be Tougher

” he would turn it around on me every time telling me i was paranoid. after being together for 5 or 6 months… i don’t think it’s too soon..after almost side swiping my new man with undying love, he naturally backed off and of course i pursued him and developed a nasty stress fever blister……seriously though thank you for designing and maintaining this website most of all for helping me and many other women be the very best they can be . i was thinking i should not call him until he calls me and see if he missed me. we have been talking since i got back home and i have been the one making most of the calls because of our financial situations. so he is spending all his time (days, nights, weekends) in research.)well we met on a site- although i didn't get into it to meet anyone as such and just wanted friendship. hd 7 years ago hello,i find this advice so insightful, but i wish you hear if you can help me with my situation, and my apologies if it sounds silly. the last time i saw him was drunk in a bar. i just wish my husband could see that i have changed and that it just takes some people time to mature..the next day he says hello, we text and two days later we're both busy with school so we text. that makes me feel good because i try hard to get the ideas you mentioned above across. to the gentleman who wrote earlier, i too was like that and as a future psychologist i am a huge fan of therapy to work out issues and to become the person you wish to become. last time,when im wrong and angry,he will pamper me. anyway he turned up and i kinda told him off for leaving me hanging all evening and whilst he said he deserved me to be cross with him, i am panicking and feeling quite needy – i hate this about myself – i know damned well it’s the wrong thing to do yet i find myself doing this time and time again! he's really close to me, and understands me a lot,and i am not looking for anything romantic , but i just wish to god i could figure out what' going on in his mind. but he worked 22 hours of overtime & he ended up sleeping sunday away..he said i had been a great impact into his life and that means more that an "i love you" that i want to hear from him.… and you didn’t want to be mean… but… whoops, “my battery died, sorry i didn’t call you back last night. question for you, please, eric : what if the guy makes you feel unhappy by acting in a way which upsets/hurts you, such as continually going against some preference you’ve communicated to him that is important to you – and keeps repeating the same behaviour. even when i offered to fly to visit him, he would tell me he is too busy working days and nights that he won’t have time for me. well we ended up going out and spending the whole day together, went out for food and he came back to my house and met my parents- again there was no awkwardness whatsoever. he does make an effort to make sure he stays connected with me when he is busy, by sending me tweets on twitter in between his work commitments, and i know he is mindful of that, because of past relationships and his issues with work and, due to things i have mentioned in the past. 6 years ago i'm going through such heartache at the moment. realizing that neither of us was totally innocent, and neither meant to be a super-destructive person (although he was). he has gone out many times this summer and left me at home because he doesn't want me to interact with his friends in fear it will turn out poorly. it is almost like he wants me to rely on him and when i am distant and closed he is all offended and acts like i have rejected him when i haven’t. she spends at least once a week with me, but i know that this may not be so in the following months when she has to study for prelims and perhaps take on more projects since she can't say no. he will expalin to me and then he get annoyed,because im keep asking) idk wat to do. when we were in law school, i blamed in on classes, journal etc; when we started working, i blamed it on unreasonable partners’ demands and networking events. lol so as much as i have appreciated reading numerous relationship advice the strongest conclusion i have come to as a women seems to me as a revolutionary idea that men are not a priority but takes a secondary position to our lives which is parallel to the idea men have on relationships and how they work..then went to say that when i made my comment, he went numb and just turned off all his feelings and knew he was done. after observing her schedule, i began to question how much time she has for me. on the other hand, after you recognize something, you have tremendous power to shift things in the direction you want because you know what needs to be corrected..i can actually relate my experience to many comments posted here. i said i was going to bed and he said oh okay, sorry i bothered you and i said he didn't bother me at all and he said okay good hun. and that is what got me thinking and re-evaluating my whole relationship with my boyfriend, because we are in fact quite different people. sometimes he would say we should meet on a certain day, only to call me the day before to cancel because he forgot he had previous arrangements or that he has lots of work to do. 6 years ago from nymike,say you have a son, and his chore was to mow the lawn once a week, and you gave him a weekly allowance as an agreement for his lawn mowing. all i want is a degree of care and atleast a phone call and not just words with no action to show forth. dh had a startup and i was a law student when we met, so we both had flexible schedules and both made a lot of time to see each other, right away. i become to think if i need to make some adjustment to myself or should i let go of him and let him pursue his career? one hand, i feel he is very important to me, because for the first time in my life, he is the first person i naturally willing to sacrifice many things for him, willing to move to his city if i could find a home-based job, willing to put him first before my career, willing to jungle my weekend’s hobby schedule for him. and he wants me to act better around his friends. let me know that i could work late, but that i had to make him important, too. he tells his friends about me, i've met his family, he makes it clear through his words that he does want this to be a lasting relationship. the answer came very clearly: let go of the restentment and anger toward this guy. this is not to say that one shouldn’t listen when it comes to shady friends. he started working in march and still made time for us. i totally understand he's busy, and he is with his finals/work all the time. he calls me very less n he says he will call me but does only once in a day dat to cant tok nicely. husband is a workaholic and ambitious but in what is ultimately a low-pay field (academe – he is perpetually working, around the clock, 7 days a week – he does much of his work from home, but what that means is that he is not ever really “present” though his hours working at home “count” towards his contribution to our family). when he was in his good days, he’d be nicer and sweet to me. if it's meant to be it will be i guess., she does something that is tough for me to deal with as i'm an impatient person. i find that people here use the word needy, clingy, desperate to describe women that want passion, love, romance, etc. if all you're asking for is one date a week and some texts, and he can't find even that much time, well honey i think you know what i'm going to say. they make me feel i don’t have a right to basic courtesy or respect and am being too “needy” when i feel this is just normal respect and how a relationship should be. it does not sound to me, from what i read, that you are in any immediate danger or being mistreated in an emotional or physical way. just read lois frankel’s follow-up to ncdgtco, “nice girls don’t get rich,” and it’s chock full of stories about women who depended on men* in their lives to manage their money, and then something happened, and the women were left with nothing, or with a bunch of mismanaged assets., and this is where i may seem conflicted about saying i love the person he chooses to be, he is married to his job, plus he has other commitments that also take up a lot of his time. 6 years ago i am loving your advice veronica i need your advice me and this guy has been dating for two months but he is always busy he say we will go out then something comes up he works full time and he also is a promoter part time and he dj's on the radio . after four years, i was so miserable at work that my so literally forced me to go get a new job — and then left his dream to support me in a new city. says he's fine but unfortunately he can't meet up since he's just way to busy with finals coming us. then he asked if we could meet, as he lives only about an hour away from me.’s been three months and i still feel like i need him, we are still seeing each other exclusively but he wont call us a couple. recently his schedule has become an obstacle in our relationship eventhough he tells me he wants to see me everyday is definutely not possible with our schedules and the distance..well,he admits one time that he really is like that. it means sometimes i check my brain at the door, turn on the smile, and am the perfect corporate wife. year relationship (we had planned our wedding, named our babies and everything), i finally decided to call it quits .)u don't like me being with my family or frends. he started a new job and gradually since then, he had very little time to chat with me on yahoo messager, and he rarely talked on the phone with me. so i'm going crazy and just flat ask him if he's still interested in meeting up ever even after his finals are over in 3 weeks, i'll wait. when i would call and that was rarely ever because i never knew if he was busy he would call back hours later after i was in bed.?) in your question bugs me, especially on a site that’s supposed to be geared to women who are “overachieving chicks. but recently he texted saying something about studying for law school! and maybe you weren't ready in life to make the kind of commitment it takes to have a real, long lasting, adult, two-sided relationship. the only time i brought up time was when he emailed me about the relationship changing. man, where were you two ladies (or friends like you) for the three years i was dating my ex who was always too busy (school, work, family – it was always something)? (ya,is true,i always questioned him about whether he is still in love with me or not,and i told him that i feel insecure and feel that he don't really love me. love to hear more of your thoughts on the subject: the difference between neediness and the genuine desire to understand where someone else is at? you don’t have to be too cold, too guarded, but then not too available, not too whatever. last time,when im wrong and angry,he will pamper me. the first two years we were both working busy jobs – he had crazy hours and was doing his mba part time and i had a crazy commute. i was consumed a bout him and about making the relationship work. he tells me that he still loves me and wants to be together but doesn't see the point if "it isn't going to work. should i maybe just get her a gift certificate to fresh direct or something so she doesn’t have to worry about finding time to shop for groceries and what not? i had left some shower wash in his shower and when i returned the next time it had been removed. hours per week, either because he complained the phone gives him a headache or it’s easier for us to communicate via yahoo messager (easier to write than listen on the phone) due to our language difference. society goes so-far as to frame the idea that one person can be responsible for another’s emotional state as “romantic”. m sure he thought he wanted to spend time with me theoretically, but he never made much effort..i asked him if i was asking too much attention from him and if i was complaining too much. but i think she could compensate for how busy she is, (i recognize that her working is important and her doing things that make her happy is similarly so) by doing things that show me she cares. 9 years ago from nymichellayes, you should see that there is a big probem if he nevers calls you. when ever i wanted some time with him alone , after so much of asking we used to go out have a cuppa coffee spend 30-40 min together in the cafe. but i don't want to be playing games, or wasting my time. however everything is good about him his character and the way he treats me. asked him last night and several times before, "is there a chance we could ever try again? we do exchange just simple text messages, but rarely a phone call. just to be clear, this article isn’t assigning neediness to women or to men… it’s describing a mindset trap that men or women could fall into and it repels people (not just men or women)…. my intuition is he wasn’t getting the attention today and wanted me to see his phone number. our 3rd date he cancelled on me at 3 in the afternoon because he told me he was tired and was golfing and him and his friend were going to have an early night. he may enjoy your company, as is indicated by his actions, but doesn't want a commitment. he may be someone who always has a lot going on in his life, maybe or maybe not by choice. he's tried to spend more time with me and i have tried to be comfortable with seeing him one night a week, but it led to some really bad fights so we eventually broke up (we were together 8 months total). i did come home and it was great, everything worked out perfectly at his court date and we got back together ( i thought most of the stress was from the court dates and that's why we always fought). them the opportunity to reach for you isn’t selfish or cruel or mean-spirited – it’s actually the most considerate thing you can do. 5 years ago hi veronica,i have a guy friend of a different religion with me.'ve had some serious talks already about our future and we've agreed on being together but not pushing it too much. i felt that he was a god sent to me because of his words are too good to be true, to concern, to loving and finally i met him in their church that's when the time i confirmed that this is the man of my dreams. you are curious what happened with me and that guy: after the gazillionth excuse, i told him how disappointed i was in him. it is often reported that some people with interpersonal issues actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy of never being with the right person, because they place to much emphasis on the relationship in terms of their happiness. he will come and find me every tues and wed morning before school. too often i used the studying excuse and blew him off. if he wanted to spend more time with you, he would find that time. girl i have been seeing for the last couple of months is quite busy. he owns a huge business in the city and they're expanding to south america (legit, i checked). my problem is the fact that sometimes i'll call or send a text, and he won't answer until the next day, if at all. and i asked if he was still interested and liked me and he said “i liked you. i have no idea how one person can work as well as always cook meals from scratch, take the kids everywhere, throw huge parties, etc. i know you clicked and you feel he is different, and there is this amazing connection between you both and that you got a lot in common, same happened to me but i realized that people change drastically; such a shame. they truly care they will get back to you in a reasonable amount of time. and if he did cancel, he would profusely apologize and immediately suggest an alternative (such as getting together at 9 p.: i just asked a friend who just got engaged to an over-achieving, busy guy (albeit in a different field), for her advice for reader s. a few days ago he texted me in the morning, goodmorning baby.? wouldnt that make him care for me more knowin that he has an understandin woman by his side. if i call talks for 5-10 min if time exceeds , he is angry at me. can honestly say i constantly think about her, which i doubt will change even when i do start getting busy. we be hung out a few times but now it’d been like a month since we have hung out, he says he’s busy all the time. i'm sure he likes your friendship and i'm sure he loved having  you sleep over without having to have any real commitment to you. he wasn't working so we had a lot of time together. you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviors. during this time he made efforts to call me he even came up and visited me with no license and such (payed his boss to drive him). sometimes i think i'm just so used to the "clingy" type of guy that this is new to me, and i don't know what to do with it, or how to act.(i coudn figure out) thn i said treat me like ur frend i am here for you u can discuss all ur problems he yelled at me lol. 6 years ago veronica, thanks for directing me to the other hub you wrote! have started doubting my own abilities (i feel)have started to think from his perspective,(my frend say that) since i lost my mom(12 yrs ) never been too close to anyonethough i did date few guys. he said he still loves me but i am not to sure of that and just want to move on.. whenever i tried talking about the future , its always him he fixed a time for marrige after his mba, btw interesting point is that he has not planned when he will enroll for this course.! well he texted me the following day to ask if i wanted to go to the cinema in the evening, which we did and again it was great. cause lately he only contacts me to do some work for him. it was a tough lesson for me because i really liked this guy. he said he’s a relationship kind of guy and doesn’t just date around or talk to women if he doesn’t see a relationship in the future, and he said he thought we were heading in that direction, uhh except we’d never had a conversation about that..but how do i learn to deal better with his busy schedule for now? there are some weirdos granted, but a surprising number of friends and family members have found wonderful spouses online (high achieving, well educated, etc. i’ve also joined the junior league, and have found it helpful for meeting more women in my community as well as volunteering, which is important to me. because i’ve been unavailable at times but because deep down i was still sending out needy vibes, i think the guys still detected it, since i didn’t have enough exciting things keeping me busy. i won't ask you for more of your time, because i don't want to place those kinds of demands on you..he admits that he is not good with relationships since im his first gf(he is indian and theyre not allowed to date as per their culture, reason why he havent got a girlfriend until io came to his life). you’re in a fulltime position while his position appears slated to end in a year anyway and that would be a natural time for him to move – whereas for you, not so much. he facebooked me back and said he will have to get back to me.. last night he came over and took my friends kids shopping which i think it was pretty nice of him. we do meet up there is strong attraction, and each time we meet it just gets stronger (more touching, more flirting, etc). but i do have the same worry that the tape will show up later on in life. then to text me at 10 at night ready to come over…yes my answer is no. well the date was great- he gave me compliments, we spent about 9 hours together etc! currently you’re seeing each other one or two times per week and talking every day. i think he is ok only getting in touch with me every few days where i want to hear his voice every day! yet as young women we are instilled with the idea that finding a “man” is our number one priority. i want more time with him, how can we grow as a couple? he really wants to see me, then he could just ask me to come over his place and spend time with him after work. i had recently met a guy and have been looking for valuable dating advices from a male perspective. the off periods have been moments where i have come to the realization that he was just to busy for me. i went through a slight depression due to uni finishing and all my friends were busy with work and i was left feeling alone and bored in my life.'ve tried to work something out, like coming down there for one night to see him. would love your opinion on this,i love reading your comments by the way. think it’s time i call it quits all together? he say,mayb because me and him is always arguing and he's really tired of it..then went to say that when i made my comment, he went "numb" and just turned off all his feelings and knew he was done. we got back together over the summer, and then he broke it off. don't call him, don't be there, don't bend over backwards or any other way.

What It Really Means When Your Love Interest Is 'Too Busy To

Dating, Relationship Advice: What It Means When He Stops Calling

after his dad picked up the phone i just talked to his dad for a couple of minutes and then he said he will ask the guy to call me back. if it's meant to be it'll work out like before, and if it's not it's for the best that it's over. i guess the way we’ve worked out “how to have a relationship with a super busy person” is to make some choices that leave us less busy. should i just give him some space and let him come to me? to be fair, he tries very hard and has come a long way in terms of giving me more affection and attention since i met him. after all, i didn't want to see her compromise her time for me, especially when she is busy saving the universe from falling. someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you). my boyfriend and i were dating for roughly 4 months before he started his new job - which is extremely demanding. i try to stay active in the community, but i feel like a lot of times im just doing these extra-curriculars just to pass time until he is free. this girl sometimes waits over 24 hours to call me back. i figured “eh, if he blows me off/has a girlfriend/is gay/is rude, at least i won’t have to see him all the time and feel embarrassed. he responded by taking some call from home, even though it really meant he got less sleep because of travel time. later that day he called me back but i missed it. rather, i’m just suggesting that you give them the space to do things for you as they choose… most people are so eager to please someone they’re interested in that they suffocate them with accommodations and affectionate gestures without giving the other person a chance to reciprocate or reach for them., you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone if they’re not living up to what you want day after day, month after month, year after year. i am just looking for someone on the "outside" to analyze this and help me make a decision on the next best step forward. was very helpful but is it possible to still get someone back even after being needy and making him withdrawal? i have to text him or ask him to call me..:-)my friends are also browsing your site as of this moment. said your inability to deal with his busy schedule was a factor. there is no chance of us seeing each other weekly, its more like six months at a time. what point do you stop trying to convince the other person that you’re worthy of their time? other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. was really helpful to me…because of you i realize that i am needy. last time i wrote on here i was feeling needy and in a relationship that i was so unhappy in. 7 years ago so confused, should i back off to see if he will make time or should i just let him know when he can make more quality time call me. and because of this, and because of the clear difference in our social circles – she’s a 9/10, pretty, freindly, funny and i’m a very solid 6/10 and a bit boring and not living a stable life at the moment – i was afraid she’d dump me for some more interesting alpha male with more going on for him in his life., sometimes when i start explaining this, i’ll get a comment saying, “oh so what? do you think that would just hurt me in the process of trying to define myself?" i think that's where so many of us fail when it comes to relationships that seem to get stuck in cycles, especially those destructive cycles. now, i’m talking to a wonderful man, and he has to really try to catch me on the phone because i am either rocking my classes, taking piano lessons, excercising, or with friends-and i feel so much happier than when i started the realtionship with the man who i was needy with. if they don’t, and this is beneath my standards then it’s a simple decision – it’s time for that person to be out of my life. now i am just afraid of meeting men and scaring them off. in fact, he told me this:"i won't go somewhere where i have nothing to do and why would i go meet some guy you've known for 10 years and i don't know anything about him? might want and prefer it — and there’s nothing wrong with wanting or preferring something. he would call and wed talk for hours you know the usual. i feel like i go out of my way for thanking you for making time for me or calling, but i do not get the same in return when i scrafice my own needs. i don’t care if he’s a partner in a law firm, a busy doctor, or whatever. in general your i agree with you and your advice and really liked your comment. when you’re dealing with two busy people, communication and respect is key. he wasnt talking to me as much and wouldn't answer my txt.!Lauren 9 years ago i'm so glad to have found this site because i'm currently having a really difficult time dealing with my recent break-up. he also said that he was is a mood were he wants to focus on his life and himself and after work doesn't have the energy to spend on me. i did confront him of cheating he told me no. where might those ideas have come from and are you able to resist or question them – seeing them as being unhelpful in your life now? he says he’s having problems at home and thought that might be causing it but i don’t know what to do anymore., everything you ladies said sounds a lot like what my friends said to me multiple times..but told me not to be paranoid and stop being immature sometimes. 6 years ago thanks veronica so this man is psycho then because he introduced me to the important people in his life that is his parents an he wants to meet mine . is the frontman of a band, lives the rock and roll lifestyle, he drinks all the time, smokes, does weed. when i would text or email he wouldn't respond to me but was able to post on facebook. he's on the road 6 days a week and barely has time for himself let alone me. he tried his best to accommodate at times but i find its tiring on his side, though he claims he's not. it's extremely hard because we have talked about having a future together, moving in after i graduate (another year from now). we broke up while i was in college and it was a very messy break up. weeks) and the last date went extremely well, we really clicked, etc. apart from the differences in religious beliefs, i feel very disturbed and insecure as he might get more religious commitments in the future and have no time for me. which is why it’s important to give the other person room to come to you so that they’re investing in you, too. accept it with some dignity so he can see you in his mind's eye as a cool young lady, not as a clingy girl who doesn't take no for an answer. i started dating my husband when he was in medical school and when we were first together he gave me this big speech about how he was going to be super busy in school, blah, blah, blah. hanging out once a week is in no way conflicting with his very clear statements. he says he is so busy and cannot even make time for himself or his mother and sisters. i don't have any clue why you are trying to figure out how to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know what is going on in your life, and doesn't even call. if he says he doesn't have time for you, but he has time for his friends, that's a problem. it's a problem that you are the one doing all the initiating, unless you want to assume that role in the relationship. doesn’t mean you turn into some sort of tyrant, barking ultimatums and demands whenever you want something. at various times as a kid, i was watched over by a nanny, an assortment of (mostly wonderful) babysitters, preschool teachers, friendly neighbors, church ladies, relatives, and, of course, my mother and father. he has no respect for my time, its as if he doesnt think i have important things to do also. both people take 100% responsibility for their emotions and emotional state (not to mention their actions and reactions to things). he seemed to think that being a very busy surgeon was an excuse for contacting me at the last minute if he was available, cancelling dates, not being in contact for days, and generally expecting me to accomodate his very busy surgeon schedule with no equivalent respect for my busy schedule. he never sends sweet texts, if he ever even does text me, however when i do see him he is affectionate and caring and makes everything seem like it's okay. i feel that if i’m struggling with these patterns, other people must be too!. he used to get pissed off whenever i called his house number(coz whenever he is in there i am totally forgotten , reason: am the eldest son have all the responsibility ;)3..(and it isnt his baby, she has mental issues)… but there are things that irk me. last weekend he was supposed to spend sunday night with me. after i went back he called everyday and skyped everyday. more than the world but i dont know if he even wants me around anymore.-Haley Haley, I am answering this assuming that his "busy schedule". let’s also assume that conditions on the day of the interview are identical and, thus, neither you nor the interviewer is in a bad mood because of the weather or some personal trouble. at the time, i believed our divorce was caused by his year-long affair (with a law school classmate to whom *i* introduced him, no less). i ended up resenting him for what i thought was him “forcing” me to move to wisconsin, and we almost ended up divorced over it. the average member of my state bar association is 53 (or about 20 years older than my target age). express your needs quickly, and if he cannot meet them no matter the reason: move on! it seems like he is still somewhat interested in me but i can’t really figure it out because he will respond to my texts here and there and when i ask him if he wants me to leave him alone he won’t respond. i told him that i felt as if he didn’t want to be in the relationship no more and he told me ” who said i didn’t” i honestly dont know if he really likes me or if he just lost his feelings for me. she's studying for a phd and hence has to be busy academically.? it is quite hard to nurture someone or something and place yourself above the object in need of nurturing. i took all responsibility for carrying this affair all by myself. would pick me up to go to his at 12 o clock at night, which became too much of a pattern. clearly - and i mean painfully clearly - he does not want to see you. i emailed back saying, yeah, sorry but i should get some credit for taking him off your hands :) and we’re actually friends now. i pick small fights with him all the time because it annoys me that i do the majority of the work and he doesn't take initiative. (last year, we were not good about this, and only spent about 3 weeks the entire year when we were both working from nyc (home) for the full week. its like he wants me in his life but then i cant trust him or bc hes far away i find ways to push him awy, when were together its amazing when we discussed what i feel are issues he always is 100percent honest. since then i have had moments where i now worry that i have blown things and have still probably seemed a little needy and he seems to have backed off a bit but maybe i am just being paranoid and he’s just busy as usual…………like i say, i don’t want to blow it with this guy so wondering how i can “backtrack”, rid him and myself of stupid needy behaviour and make him want me again?’d reply lol but it looks like we’ve maxed out the “reply” limitations lol lol so you’re saying cool your engines until there has been ample time to feel comfortable with one another to begin investing in one another? he told me i'm adding to his stress, but i'm unsure how. he also likes to talk about money alot which makes me uncomfortable, he feels if he buys me nice things or gives me money that it will smooth things over but i tell him repeatedly that i am insulted by it. i text him the next day to say thank you for a nice evening, he text back straight away saying the same thing but ended it with “kind regards x” what! he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend to be with me. i wanted to ask you about something that really worries me, but i don’t know how to post it so you can read it. is it too early / is he really that busy to call once? and i feel that he changed,he is not that last time him anymore. 7 years ago hi, ive never written in one of these sites but i really need some advice on how to help get through a rough patch in my realtionship. is my idea: i move back home with my parents and give myself some distance to find myself. no matter how busy i am, if being with him is more enjoyable, i’ll be needy..its just that i miss him almost everyday that i want to spent much time with him. have a pregnancy of 1&1/2month …i really don’t feel happy with him…i have doubted him because he is always in need of sex …whenever i go home he always comes for me and trying to tell me how he can’t dare stay without me…i always ask him is it the reason you usually demand for sex so u can’t be able to stay without me because you need me for sex … he always gets angry if i don’t allow him enjoy sex with me. a mother is supposed to make nutritious meals with her own hands from scratch, and be there for every family dinner, and be responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs and doctor’s appointments and social calendar and homework, and plan all the minutiae of a child’s life, and attend all the performances, and plan elaborate birthday, easter, christmas, thanksgiving, fourth of july, st. the past break up was devastating to me, he broke up with me over a text message. if i called him, we'd talk uncomfortably for a bit, and then he'd make some lame excuse (early) or just say he needed to go (later in the relationship) and that would be it. i did discuss his having made time or trying to make time, and the possibility that you're not ready, or he's not the one, and i'm going to stand by those on this. me and my girlfriend have been going steady for a year and a half. i don't know if i should not text or call him and wait for him to get a hold of me? even after i found my current position, i was still resentful because of the unemployment and what i thought were multiple lost opportunities because of the move (i had a biglaw job lined up in nyc before we moved). few weeks later,i asked him,does he want to together back with me,he say yes,he said that he miss me. also the new boss becomes more demanding and always asks him to do a lot of ad hoc tasks. i told him that his schedule seemed to conflict with my availability. my jaw was open the whole time i was reading this article because it pertains to me perfectly. i'm really confused,if he really love me,why won't he sacrifice his gym for me? i almost always come over after i get off work or he is done working (usually around 8-10pm), and then we spend the night together. i was told by my best guy friend that if he wants to talk to a girl, he will make time. hubpages and hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including amazon, google, and others. sometimes he says he can’t see me as he’s with his mates..my parents sent my details thru someone to this guy, who is raised here and is a doc too. i do not have a car so it is about 4 hours mass transit for me to go to him. am i on the right track to find a professional who fits me better than the liquor store owner, plumbing installation specialist, or phone order taker who i’ve dated in the past? we are both busy, i have my friends and my hobbies and he has his. this guy tells me he wants to be with me but he is too busy. in our first met we both like each other, and then we decided to met again and we had sex. but sometimes we women still get hurt feelings about that.'m sorry that when you don't call you miss him. ha he could see more tomorrow after work rather than going back home why won’t he? the fact that you've brought it up and he knows that you've noticed, yet you still tolerate his not calling, shows an even bigger problem. seriously people, if a guy / girl likes you, you become priority.(yeah if he doesn't call me or contact me for 3-4 days thn i began to wonder but i have never stopped him as i understand the value of family n frends) then i said y don u call it off he says he really loves me but he needs someone who can understand him. so for me blowing off one guy i met while i was drunk in a bar was nothing. to enjoy a long dinner with my so and then returned to work (either at the office or at home) at about 10. if you can offer any further insight, measures of progress in relationships, and maybe an opinion on how much time is reasonable for people to keep trying to work things out i’d appreciate the feedback. the problem isn't the amount of time, the problem is that they each had a different idea of how much time was a good amount. he didn't even have to tell me that he was in the area. finally we do meet up and i have to say it was amazing, perhaps the best first date (so to speak) ever. your focus is on “where you stand on some totem pole of importance in his head”, then you might interpret this as an insult. the way he describes this night is something special, for me it was a good time with my friends and i was doing what i do being young single and free. know we’ve got a few doctors that read this, and i need suggestions for a med school graduation present. then he got mad at me for not believing him dat he was going to do things in time, and he backed out completely. i am always available for him and i really don’t want to do anything most of the time i am not with him. or just look to mary matlin and james carville or the clintons for inspiration! when we meet up now, he's always tired from work and become rather expressionless on the face. we plan ahead by using microsoft outlook calendar items to keep each other clued in on when we are working over the weekends, so that we know when we are both around for a “date” or even just quality time hanging out together. think we tend to priorities life differently in terms of work and commitments. on this flip side, he doesn't put in any effort, is always busy, and no longer shows any affection unless i am physically there with him. he is more independent while i am definitely more dependent, i like my guy to be around me a lot of the time, and this has really caused us quite a lot of problems. my so and i are both in the legal field and want to practice the same kind of law in the same city. because for the past 2 months he took up a new job and has had maybe 3 days off in 2 months. i asked him if he liked me physically or liked me for me and he told me he really really likes me, but he is extremely shy and doesn't know what to say or do. and this has something to do with why people in recovery are not supposed to begin a relationship during the first year, sometimes the first 2 years. i am still going to college part time & i have a full time job. sometimes he claims " i cant stop talking to u man", " things will change btw us, right now its best we are friends" , " i adore you . i am very attractive, and am 32 years old and am afraid i am getting too old for this. it was sweet although the long distance thing was always hard for me because i don't get to see him enough. the initial broke up his frends stopped talking to me and we stopped hanging out with his frends . he would say things like i wish we dated earlier we would be married with children, i’m a top priority, he loves the time we spend together, he’s comfortable around me and i feel the same and say the same things to him. he has asked me to wait through the rough patch he is going through right now and i really would like to but i feel like i am robbing myself of potential happiness especially since he cant say how long this rough patch might last. for instance, my boyfriend saturday night said that he would give me a call after a football game on sunday and he never called. i don't want to push things myself up anymore bcoz i don't want to end up in a messy situation. he never ever says anything about it and gets into a lecture mode advising me about my life, he acts like my father! to know that the person that you took out on a date was as bored as you were for instance, tends to leave you at a loss for communication between the both of you and overall has your goals of dating set to a standard and no kind of progress ever to be reached out of the dating. if you’re busy and he or she’s not near the top of your priority list, then all i can say is that that partner’s probably not right for you. but i wonder, will he actually make time for me? he couldn't believe how behind he was, so we might have to get together later that weekend he would let me know.

How to Date a Busy Guy

How to know if a woman rejects me when I ask her out because she

i'm 28, have my own apartment, full time job, part time school. makes it the 3rd day since i met him, i’m not sure if i should call him or not, i dont want to make him feel forced but i dont want him to feel like that i dont care about him either. then he came back to work for 2-3 days & then down to north carolina for a shooting competition.) about he and how he loved me so much and everything that he did and he was so very sorry (but he tried to relate it to my friends but it just ended up being a rant). seems to me like he’s crazy demanding, and doesn’t seem very flexible. really enjoyed your visit to this hub, i hope you will hit some of my others. i’m confused maybe you can give me some friendly advice please? like you said, you were too dependant on him to fill your time and make you happy. now i got really upset and bascially told him to leave me alone..but i had unusual feelings he seems distant to me now. i have had several guys who are players tell me after some months that they want an “equal relationship” – by which they mean that i should call them, arrange dates, pay for dates, suggest things to them, contact them first etc- which to me is totally unromantic. one conversation he said he was looking at my pictures and i’m so pretty and when he talks to me he get aroused (see what i do to him) so i have not seen him for a week were only 20 minutes away. on holidays and late evening we talk very late (so there’s no other lady) he also says give him some time with his job is so demanding he does not want to plan anything with me and have to cancel we both had bad past relationship in the past. once you come off as being needy, how do you get that to go away? he's defence, i see that he truly is busy but in thinking i should still be made a priority over work, i've been playing the cool aloof, 'mmm, maybe not tuesday, how's friday thing' and i think it's working. in some ways, he is better at this that i am. this leads me to the other angle of the view. it is ultimately up to me to decide if i want to stick around to find out if he will grow to want to see and be around me more and make time for me.  sometimes your career will be up/down, and sometimes his will — it’s all cyclical. hmmmmm makes perfect sense to me … yet how do we not get this from the get go?.so i thought fine let me be with my family n frends let him do as he wishes. simply want to say thanks for what he had done for me and am so happy may he live long. he would send adorable texts all the time about how i was great and he missed me and how he wanted to move in together when i returned.“is it wrong for me to say that since i earn more than he does that he should move to my current city once his contract ends? but he says i can't until he finds a place because he's staying at his friend's dad's extra apartment, so it's not his place to invite people there. i don't consider myself as someone very dependent as much as i like to have my own private time. if the situation were reversed, how might you feel if a boyfriend you’d known just a few weeks asked you to stop seeing your friends so much and to cut back on your work, studies and hobbies in order to spend more time with them? yeah, it’s ok to be angry if he doesn’t keep a promise (in the sense that it’s understandable to expect that someone keeps their word), but look at the big picture: do you want a relationship where you get bent out of shape over minor, tiny little issues or do you want a relationship where your man is head over heels devoted to you because you make him feel great being with you (and you choose your battles carefully… if even at all). i’ll second the gchat suggestion, as it’s nice to know during the day that he’s only a chat box away :) we’ll forward funny stories or thoughtful articles to each other sometimes, just so that we can keep “in sync”. he tells me he loves me, couldn't he make time if he wanted to? but i am starting to wonder if he is serious about me or am i being my typical insecure self like usual? then he finds someone else or dumps you unceremoniously, confirming what you thought. he said i was confident, independant and never gave up on my dreams when i met him, i went out with the girlfriends worked as much as possible and saved really hard. made me cry the hardest ive ever done then makes me smile like no other. i always stood beside him yet i feel he never stood beside me. i know he has been trying to spend more time with me. 6 years ago hi veronica,i read your response to me the second time and you mentioned to focus more on myself.. so it became a pattern, a pattern where he'd let me down constantly and miss college and miss work. he didn’t say a word to me just said bye to kids, i know he was mad last night. three of my cousins are getting married during the latter half of december so i would be traveling from one wedding to the next during that time. he is never home, it's like he can't be alone so if i ring him i feel bad cause he's busy with his friends. i seriously doubt this man is going to emerge from your past if/when you do get married, or need to pass the fitness exam for the bar, and try to ruin your life. he is a great guy, but i find myself doing all the housework/cooking because he doesn't have the time (his excuse); i just think he doesn't have good time management. but, just because someone is busy does not mean that they are not ready to be with you. and i feel that he changed,he is not that last time him anymore. 6 years ago hi veronica,i chanced upon this page while trying to figure out what to do about this particular guy who recently came into my life. former husband and i met in college, worked for a few years, and went to law school at the same time in our mid-20s. after about 2 months he got busy with work & he also goes to periodic competitive gun matches. i don’t want too but i feel like he’s distancing and i feel like i’m putting in all the effort to speak to him. think i've made things too easy for her that shes started to just forget that she needs to put something into this relationship as well. he put a wall up and started to verbally and emotionally abuse me. before you recognize something, you have no power to change or improve it. want a relationship (because they believe a relationship will give them something, such as make them happy or complete or better or fill some void in their life)…. bottom line take me advice and wait show him a part of you he didn’t see, he will come back i assure you! since when does placing blame on someone else help a situation? said above that its ok to be angry when your boyfriend promises you something and doesn’t go through with it. then october comes & he doesn't call or text quite as much. the second date i went by metro north train to visit him upstate. he also comes with me when i hang out with my friends. he had to move quickly because he got offered a great job, so he still has to find an apartment. for women, we often feel so good and enjoy spending time with our man that we want more of that – and more often! said, he wants to focus on himself and you should do the same. 6 years ago hey guys,its pretty amazing reading this website as a guy like me. he's a good guy but i can't help but think if this was the right time he'd be more into me or if i was the right girl? don't dump a guy only because he can't seem to be the one to call you first . well we did and everything went amazing for the first 7 months until summer hit and he was given more freedom., when we’re both super busy, constant communication has been key. sorry i am babbling b/c it is 10am and i once again have been stood up by him, yesterday he did the same. but i also think some of us have an entirely different problem where we date someone who is equally ambitious and busy. in the beginning of the relationship it was wonderful even with our crazy schedules as i work full time and also pursing my dream as designer, a single mother and a full time student he on hand the other hand has 3 demanding occupations and we live in different states. he says hes shifted his job so he needs his dedictation in his work nw n he dosent gimme tym. now i feel awful since i miss him and think maybe he did his best and i should have not complained about him not knowing more about me during the week., i am a guy who writes my opinion when people ask me relationship questions. [for two people in the same field,] i guess they could try to support each other and build each other up, and to transfer that competitive energy to something else. you aren’t too needy or invested but also 2, life is precious, if it doesn’t work out (and face it lots of relationships don’t work out until you find the one) you waste your precious beautiful life. my best friend also told me that a week ago or so when she called him asking for help about her breakup he went into some long rant (unrelated to her sit. which was fine with me and more than generous at times considering our schedules). perhaps i should never invest feelings in anyone, be some sort of single lady that has no interest in who the other person is or does except for some sex every now and then…. i've done some psychological research and learned about the "chaser/runaway" relationship cycle also known as "engulfment / avoidance" pattern. i have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and before we decided to become serious, he said something to me along the lines of letting me know sometimes he gets really busy and asked if i would be able to handle it. or because he also blew you off 3 times last week. you better believe he got some good mama time over the next few! a single dad, how to tell if he's busy or just not that into me? am a college student as well n work a part time job which mean i have more free time than him. i know he's going to call and say lets get together so, do i keep doing the aloof thing, and enjoying the little victories here and there secretly hoping we bump up the once a week thing (when he's in town) or do i just come out and lay it all out and be honest with how i feel. i really wanted it to work and thought it could until he started ignoring me. not in a romantic way, but wishing i had peace with him and scared he is going to come back into my life at some point. he is calling me twice a day , i picked his call once thought , he might be normal but no he is just keeping it formal . dad was a very important surgeon–as junior partner in a 2 or 3 person practice, he had lots of weekend call and frequently went out nights. he's so busy that we can only meet once a week for sometimes, only an hour. 20 years later, i can look back on the move and see that it actually benefitted me very much. in contrast, when my friend felt that his wife was not the most easy-going person when they were dating, but he loved her for all the great things about her (something that this article is suggesting guys want to hear — well, same for girls! i truly admire all of his work, and i never doubt that he feels the same toward me. so he ends up texting me and calling me in a couple days. after years of wondering why men i date always want 'more time', what's wrong with once a week? he has been distant, not calling, and i have not been a priority in his schedule. but i wonder what you mean about how i'm part of that past..and guess what, he txted me after he got back from work. i feel so low because if he was not seeing me it would be nice just send a text to me just saying hi or something. as much as i love him and want to have a future with him, it's rather tiring planning my things around his schedule all the time. i will say, though, that in that class — the high-achieving man — it was easiest to recognize when someone had decided it was time to get married because they were much more intense on a first date, and much more direct when they weren’t interested (which actually was appreciated). 5 years ago from maineveronica,after coming out of a six year long relationship, i thought an angel had come into my life when he first approached me and we got together. met my boyfriend about 5 months ago when we were in paris..well the whole time i feel like our momentum from that amazing first night has been slipping away, and i'd like to have heard him at least especially since he has time at all hours of the night to post comments and what not to his friends facebook and myspace. any man that doesn’t value you, doesn’t care and isn’t worth your time. you resent something about the relationship, then it’s important to let him know..but then came aug 14th, and he called me after working that night and i told him if you think im going to keep doing this for 6-8 more months youre crazy! in finland i plan to see one my online friend whom i've known for 10 years and have never met. talked to him 2-3 days a week, and see him 1-2 times a month. i just got off the phone with my boyfriend of a year and he was telling me that he will be very busy this weekend with work/friends and doesn't know if we will be able to see each other. you both should try at maximum to date with eachother,but if you don't find time than you can intract on phone or keep some day ina week or in a month in which you can meet each other. or has this craziness just been crystallized from a messed up guy. he says i text him too much but all i want to do is talk to him and when he never really answers my texts, i feel rejected. the only time i thought it could get tough was when i was in the shower and our bar results came out… he called his name out first, which i thought alphabetically meant i wasn’t there, and thought. i don't want to appear clingy all of a sudden and think one of the reason he's comfortable with me coming to he's work functions and meeting he's family is cause of that, but then on the other hand, i really don't want us to still be doing this in 7months. both have high maintenance lifestyles (expensive sports, a love of travel, love of gourmet food) and both of us working is definitely the plan for the next few years.  she said:I would say yes, make each other a priority, respect each other’s time. i feel good with him, he is affectionate, he takes care of me. especially when it comes to marriage, i don't think that's what i'd want. if he meant that he'd be saying it with texts and flowers and meet me for coffee. think you need to spend some time on your own. he was always busy, there was always something else to do. i still really care about him and love him and i'm hoping that he will do some serious thinking about what he wants.!But i really appreciate your ability to meld together the more mainstream outlook of relationships with spiritual depths..and he hasn’t replied till now…i need your advice plzz help me. 6 years ago awesome and in-depth article on this issue which i have ever read!. so glad that i found u all especially when am facing this '' too busy '' thingy..well i think thats true since he is in managerial level, work demands most of his time and supervision..i told him about your blogs and he said he will check your site so he might get some ralationship tips from you too. i wish i did not feel like i do a times, i really do. i will say that in the beginning, i did not prioritize his needs or truly devote real time to him.” my soon to be ex-husband threw me and our children out on the streets with no money (he took all of it out of our joint account), no family of our own as we moved to the city to be with him. he didn't find time for you when you were exclusive so imagine how he will treat you when you date. as much as i want to get my needs met - i see what we are both going through and know neither of us is perfect. we did not spk to each other for 3 months , as we were having lots of arguments we decided to take a break but he breached it by calling it quits, thn he came to house one day out of blue apologised to my family and me for acting like a jerk and promised me that he will move to my city )recently he shifted to my city, we were really happy, he is in sales so we together decided we'll meet once in a week . lived with my boyfriend for a year before he asked me to move out. and i realize life happens things come up and i am trying so hard to be understanding with him right now. how working all the time isn’t worth it if you don’t stay connected with your family. everything was perfect for the first month or so, and then he stopped talking to me for two days. i haven’t heard or spoken to him in 3 years, so this is really bothering me. how can i make sure without coming off too strong and scaring him. love the articles on this site, they have helped me soo much, you have no idea! he called after i left apologizing and saying he will put forth his half as long as i put forth mine., i just started dating a very busy guy in the arts.. tried at times but could not keep up the effort. however, as if studying isn't enough, she inundates her schedule with working overtime, mentoring, teaching, volleyball and family. didn't expect him to give up like this, i had hoped he'd say i can't commit right now but let's try after this semester is finally over like this summer when maybe i'm not taking classes. tried to just leave he refuses to let me go …it’s just horrible. he doesnt want to have sex anymore and when it comes to any emotions he shows none. i really want him back, besides him being busy, he was the best boyfriend ever and he would put my needs before his, which i guess is why he broke up with me because he said he was being unfair and didn't want that. i run a call center and, like you, work out and am busy. for the first time in years, i felt like a woman – not a wife or mother. i explained to him that i am just not interested in having a relationship with someone who is dating other people much less being intimate with them. (to check wat am upto) now i have stopped taking his calls ,. read here in the post that some men are not good with phone communication. although it hurts its obvious that its time to move on. the good news is you’ve met someone you really like. i saw him at least 3 times a week ( i guess that's more then some of the other girls that wrote on here so i should count myself as lucky), but after we broke up, it was only then that i relised how dependant i was on him. certainly i often feel like im begging her to spend time with me, and i hate that. with la’s question, is it too late to stop being needy? i must fill my life with meaningful/fun activities and engage my time and attention with more than just my boyfriend. we lived about a half an hour away at the time. i actually am about as busy as the man i am dating, but (and there is always a but) after two months of nice quality time (usually a call every night and friday night dates) we seem to have hit a wall. i was hurting trying to move on its not easy but i got myself busy as much as i can not to think about him, it worked but he texted me. the thing is, he has been going through a very tough time at work. think it’s a case of enjoying spending time with him more than enjoying anything else. plus the text i sent him was a statement and not a question. after he left he texted me telling me i’m great and beautiful etc. the majority of his friends and his male cousins have ‘married down’ so to speak in terms of education and salary so i think it’s just something he finds hard to explain to them even though he is more than fine with it. spacegeek work at different times of day, so they probably get solo kid time. he goes to college, has a part time job and plays sport - so he doesn’t have a lot of spare time.

How can i set up a dating site

Does He Like Me? - 8 Signs That a Guy Likes You

! we separately parent often–i do most of the weekends, and he does some week days. for a year i dated an incredible man he worked 7-4, took care of his neice and nephew after school, and then continued his own education 4 nights out of the week, volunteered at his church and was still an absolute great man to me. go date multiple people so you aren’t too invested in him..the whole time all i want from him is to say he wants to meet up and i don't care if it's a month from now, but just to say it. ever since feb he has come down to see/spend the night with me at least once a week. he looked at local jobs, but there weren’t a ton, and a lot of them had downsides that we considered significant (45 minute commutes each way in terrible traffic, increased call responsibility, lack of security in regards to pay check, etc). know there are times in relationships when you have to take care of yourself without relying on your partner to be there all the time. not so much because he expects me to be a dutiful wife, but because he expects a dutiful mother for his children. i really benefited from having (to use a hackneyed term) a village to raise me – and i think my parents (currently going strong on 42 years of marriage) did as well. i thought he is too busy to make our relationship that was a bf and gf relationship a priority. this time the guy talks to me fervently at the beginning and then just stops a month later, i hear nothing from him and so i didn't care nothing invested so i wasn't sad i just cut him off the site and out of my phone, but then i change my picture or whatever on the dating site a month later (so total 3 months since i 'met' him) and he's all of a sudden like complimenting me and saying he's sorry for his behavior for having stopped talking to me (when the whole time i saw he would be on the site even at the same time i was on and he knew it). how much time should couples spend together in an average week if they have been together for five years? a big flag for me here is your statement: "he broke things off again, . i went ahead and discontinued the dating, and told him to deal with his hurt, talk to a therapist or something. oftentimes, men need their own space and pull away when we most want to pull in. i don't want to be a crazy woman and text him all the time, but i love hearing from him. he is calling me twice a day , i picked his call once thought , he might be normal but no he is just keeping it formal . i’m in the same boat but , i’ve been in longer .’t work that way… the more we do for the other person, the more wrapped up and invested in them we become..when i confronted him (by phone) he told me there were issues that he needs to deal with himself mainly his lack of time and he was pursuing god wisdom regarding the relationship, he stated that once he gained the wisdom asked from god he will be the one to come to me so i should refrain doing anything to chase him around. we did family vaca and he and mom took a week every year. he explains to me that he has to fly to boston tonight and tomorrow he has a meeting with a potential investor. i wrote back but i don't think he received my e-mail in time. i didn’t understand how a person can tell you that they loved you and then turn around and say “it wouldn’t bother me if you got hit by a truck.) if you’re bored, get into something you actually like in the community, or get a hobby. if he is super competitive and takes time to hear you on your concerns and support you, then he is a keeper. b/c the chasing is not working for me and in my quest to try and prevent myself from hurt or being abandon i'm only making that happen. on dating websites: "i stay busy and i don't have time", relationships, 199 replies. when the ex found out i was engaged, he wrote nasty emails to my husband and divulged lots of personal details about me. based on my experience, here are my 2 pennies for all the girls here:please dont think you can change a man to make time for you if he doesnt do so voluntarily. the other night i wrote him a letter telling him how i felt and that i needed more reassurence of the realtionship (some nice messages or comments or for his to suggest outtings every once and awhile). he wants you, when he realizes he's lost you, he will do something about it. but the contact has been less and less frequent the closer it comes to my arrival. i like when a man caresses me intimatly or hold me close – sex is far more than wham bam … its the emotional connection – and perhaps if you are a bloke who cant understand this then you most likely lack sensuality, creativity and passion in the bedroom and most likely life – if a man judges me for beingrg needy early on in the relationship or far gone – this would be a definite turn off because i would believe the man to be emotionally immature – and too closed…. then i mentioned or asked him when he is going to introduce me to his kids? its particularly bad recently because i have had nothing to do for the last couple of weeks, that will right itself in a month or so when i start working but i don't think the root of this problem is in how busy she is versus how free i am. if you are important enough in your boyfriend’s life, he will make time for you, no matter how busy he is. he said he understood but i could tell that he was having difficulty adjusting to our new circumstances. i mean, if this relationship is his priority, i don't see how he can ask me to try hanging out with his friends so he can get the best of both worlds. (to check wat am upto) now i have stopped taking his calls ,. believe me it’s not that i wanted to hear from him that much, i was just thinking he would need someone to be there for him during this rough time. i would hope for a text message or email every few days, and a date with a real connection — not just an activity like a movie — once or twice a week, or serious apologies when he’s legitimately too busy. anyways the whole time i am trying to show him some kinda affection, but every time i would try he would walk away or just say that i was in the way. i wonder if i am the kind of person who will be good for someone like you? we are not in a relationship yet because i forsee we might face some problems with his religion in the longer term. everything was gud he used 2 gimme plenty of time n used 2 think abt me n he promise me he will be back 2 my country as his parents stay der. i would first say that you want to ask yourself, “is he breaking a promise he made to me or am i just wanting him to do something for me and getting upset because he isn’t? when i approached him, he said he was about to text me for getting together the following day. he would always ask me for pictures and say he likes me. i am going to leave him for some time…and not going to text him again unless he texts me first. i, on the other hand, have a great career at a really relaxed office, ie: can work from home, make my own hours, have lots of leave time. he talked about feeling bad for even trying to have a relationship with someone and knowing how they would feel when he's consistently inconsistent. he claims he loves me and won't be happy with himself if he looses me, but when i ask for the simplest things such as calling in the morning rather than sending a text message he replies with, " i dont have to call right away when i wake up.!Michella 9 years ago that's sounds so true, but what should i do when he calls with a really good excuse i felt like we were so much in love and i reall don't want to break it off unless i feel taken for granted..so i thought fine let me be with my family n frends let him do as he wishes. i end up calling him about 5pm he answers says he will call me back he's on the phone. well, that lasted about 12 hours because the moment we were officially together, he was all in and has been ever since. know i really really like him and nt want to lose him again but i wont be playing any stupid games 2 old for them. he then started to email me about how our relationship had changed and how could we get back to the way it was in the beginning. the problem is that you really can love and care for your mate and even need that person during down time to help you balance it all..well two days pass, and i go along with texting him as i had done countless times in the past, really it was normal for us i thought. so here’s my dilema lol nurture vs prioritizing someone else lol how do i nurture and still maintain the relations in a secondary position in my life?, its about 1 1/2 months apart, and he has been contacting me less and less. finally 2 days later last night i get an e-mail response from him saying that unfortunately he can't commit to a relationship with me right now since he is just spread way too thin with school/work and can't commit to anyone/anything. eric, i just recently came across your articles due to relationship problems, well, i’m not sure i’d even call it a relationship. but that's just side salad the real meal is that you need to focus on yourself, and being the person that makes you happy and feel satisfied and accomplished.. along the way my neediness kicked in and he withdrew he didn’t leave me but was cold and distant and still made it a point to see me once a week but i broke up with him cause i felt that was what he wanted. i began to wonder if i am being needy so i have decided to give space hoping he will return to me, i really care for him and think we are an ideal couple. live quite far away from me so we only really talked on the phone, on the first day, he texted me to call him so we talked for about 2hours. the way i see it is that if both parties are at extreme opposites, no amount of compromise is going to do the trick. i tried to text him but he hasnt texted me at all., my bf loves to make plans and not follow thru by blowing me off, for a couple of months.’m not saying i had no part in the past dysfunctions, or that it never could have worked out with someone in my own field. i called the next day and he said forget you are too insecure, etc. flirt with men and if they are worthy give them my #. don’t recommend initiating contact with him at all, though i think an unsent letter might help crystallize feelings. on top of that, he records bands (also for pay), and that takes up a lot of time as well. job was fabulous for me, but only good for him. the funny thing is that i am not really an emotional person and so i tell him i care about him usually after he tells me, but not always, so he feels i don't really tell him enough. he told me that the same thing happened to him and he just needs some space and time to realize what he wants and what he's losing with me. if he wants something more, then having sex so soon wont change it, if he just wants me for sex at least i’ll know and be able to move on., i didn't think getting back into the datin world would be so terrifying, exhilarating, and painful all at the same time. you have no idea what it means to me to know i am not the only person to go through this. once a week at least — usually 2-3 times a week – i left work at 7. the demands on people, men and women are immense, particularly if you've chosen to pursue a career. 6 months was probably not a long enough amount of time to be dating before getting engaged, especially being that it's a long distance one. hope i can find the old me & save our relationship! in haley's case it seemed the amount of time he was satisfied to spend, was not the amount of time she was satisfied with. have found myself been needy when he doesnt call or makes other plans 🙂 which is normally out of character for me! would like to marry a guy in investment banking, like my grandfather. says he's into me and listed off all the qualities that i possess that are attractive to him. he complimented on my looks and said that he was looking for a long-term relationship leading to marriage eventually with the right woman, and wanted to get to know me better. graduation, i took a job that didn’t pay much (for a surgeon) but had a very reasonable schedule and light call responsibilities. but when the kids came along, husband turned into a real 50s throwback. after a while, i told him we were not compatible, and to stop calling. it isn't that she's saying she's too busy, it's not about whether or not you should believe her and be patient or get the hint and move on. it is good to realize for the first time in my life that they don’t have to be “number one” in our lives, but when you say “pick your battles” and “don’t get upset he said he’d call and he didn’t” shouldn’t bother you … i have a red flag going up. however it is clear to me that this is not the right time for him as he told me he needs to focus all his energy on his work, publication, so he can find a professor teaching career in the university. semi-related threadjack: how do you know when it’s time to give up on a relationship with an overachieving/ambitious guy? strangely, though, the very day that my husband and i went to pick out our engagement/ wedding rings, i got a facebook friend request from this creep. same as if you spend every single night together, and you are both happy. he says he wants to try and fix us and show me he cares so much, but why don't i believe him. dnt get him i really dnt,,,when we were gether i could swear he didnt care but the weird thing is he remembers everything,im polish hes irish he still rem my sis name ,my parents car,ate of my birth,my fav polish food ,he said back then he was mad bout me but he was afraid to admit it ,now for the first 2months he was behavin like a proper gent . i told him in a letter that i know he has a job that takes him away in the states and aboard and that i'm also busy, and i understand that and i don't have a problem with that. im not happy about it,and i asked him why is he always talking to that girl,does he love him or somehting like tat. your website caught my eyes and i am really grateful for your generosity to decode the male’s mindset (i hope your mates are not calling you a betrayer:d) thank you so much! to find someone with similar values to have the outcome of a beautiful relationship. even worse, my ex wrote me letters after we broke up threatening to show the videotape to my now husband. claims to be busy because of school (he doesn't even work). lost a marriage a relationship, and now a dating life all because some jerk wanted to break my back!. he used to get pissed off whenever i called his house number(coz whenever he is in there i am totally forgotten , reason: am the eldest son have all the responsibility ;)3. i am slowly starting to piece my life back together and i want to let any girl in the same situation or before they even get to this point know that it is so important to have ‘your’ life first! i moved from a big market down to a small/medium market. hne initied most text conversations after that but i initiated a few too. and he does not carry a cell phone, because he said too many marketing junk calls, so he cancelled his cell phone many years ago.’m curious to see what the readers say here, because i never had great experiences dating guys who were as busy as i was. — is it some kind of unspoken presence b/c when i read about the needy things women do i am like yeah…. at the moment there is this guy that i am speaking to and he has always been the first to text me. i feel he is not ready for a relationship, or maybe just not with me. there was nothing special in it and i just felt spent- he didn’t care much about me, well he did, but nothing too special. i realized that both this semester and last semester during finals i have been thinking about him. sure there are some extenuating circumstances in which things could happen, i am not saying this. he said that he is sorry and he told me before we got serious. we aren’t dating, but he is all like i can still have a good time and like you. but it just didn't work since he left me for his ex, who was pregnant with his child..if he wanted to see me/talk to me, he would make the time3. he say,mayb because me and him is always arguing and he's really tired of it. he told me from the start that he had done this before and that he kept his home life completely separate but he was totally smitten and he said so.’m not saying that i am perfect (i’m not)… nor am i saying i didn’t have to learn this lesson for myself (i did)… i’m saying that now that i understand that nobody else can be *ultimately* responsible for my emotions, actions and reactions, it’s up to me to live my life in such a way where i’m happy and ok. we haven’t talked about relationships or anything so i at first thought it was kinda weird since we havent talked about relationships, but i do like the guy and i want to show it but idk how without seeming that i like him more than he likes me., if you don’t mind bald men with bad breath, you can ask ellen to set you up with her manageing partner instead of an i-banker. if he calls you say, wow, i'm so glad to hear from you!… since i don’t really have time to engage in a good ol’ fashioned internet comment wall back-and-forth, my message is that people get a gut-feeling about where another person’s head is at. just my two cents, but i would rather be single than date men who call all the shots. he has been very committed to me and i've felt so loved, but it has been dwindling. has a number of "issues", his ex, seemed to have screwed him up, to the point that he now states he has a "bad opinion of women", believing them all ready and willing to mess him up emotionally. i wish he would say come and see me afterwards..well at the beginning of the break up he would text me back or return my calls when he got the chance usually right before he went to bed for work the next morning. i have tried striking but it just makes me miss him. we met up twice after that, each time he asked if i wanted to meet up. favorite part is where you said that being available is not the same as being needy. mean i consider myself a busy guy, i have 9-5 job, i work out like 5-7 days a week, i play baseball 2-3 times a week and mostly on weekends, i joined a co-ed volleyball team, i just signed up for guitar lessons. however since december he's gotten back in contact with me (and previous times to this we have occassionally texted one another). any thoughts on high-achieving relationships that get split up geographically? i’ve made it a point to keep myself very busy during the evenings with various activities. nobody's perfect, so don't reject someone for something minor . i think that’s a sign in itself that he thinks you’re worthy of his time, he just might not know how to show it or be showing it in a way that you’re noticing. or is this just a phase because he truly has been busy? real question is, if she's too busy and has all this stuff going on in her life. my only concern leading to all these happenings was because i tried to walk into his shoes…i thought he was not either in the mood for a relationship or do the chasing, not to mention that he is sort of a workaholic (i admire him for how he puts his effort into work i have to admit). basically he just continued to drop a few messages as he would normally do, regardless i wrote to him or not. the way, you didn't mention anything that is going on in your life at all. so i can be awkward around his friends and he has given me chances to be around them and it hasn't gone so well. when i started grad school, i had a dream that he was sitting in the department when i walked in, and told everyone there what a foolish nicompoop i was and that i had no business being there (nevermind that i am way more educated). he says this will be ok, then he says he's too busy with parole. you for that comment – it makes me feel good to know that my message is getting across. after that text he was upset and said i think way too much and that he was just busy. this meant sometimes just reading a book while i watched him plow the fields. who are too busy but are dating (girl, dance, young). tried to give him his space with this friends n not get mad about it because i like havin some time with my friends as well. i tried to talk to him afterwards about maybe working it out and he seemed to be upset saying, "what is there to talk about? meanwhile my boyfriend statred working 2 jobs and spending more time with his family and i began to feel taken for granted when i'd go over to see him (a 30min drive), we see each other maybe 3 or 4 times a week generally for a few hrs after he gets off work, only for him to be on the computer or spend more time talking to his housemates than me which made me become distant and a bit passive aggressive. i have a full-time demanding job that makes me stay late a lot. really digging deep as to why this keeps happening - i identified myself as going after men who are emotionally or physically unavailable to me in some extent - why? 6 years ago dear veronica,please do help me out with your reality check here, i really need it..he said he already made up his mind and that he needs to be alone right now because he cant give me the attention i need. i feel i am a much better partner to my fiance now that i was to my former husband. he has failed to see what she is now doing to our relationship by trying to make me look like a fool and make it seem that he is going in behind my back talking to her. while i'm still basking in the gooie feeling of meeting the folks. after her and the guy stopped communicating him and i got connected out of the blue and we explored eachother 4 times not having sex thou but after he was with me his now again hooking up with my sister well he tried to avoid it but she keeps running back to him and i think now his whiling to try with her again and make their relationship work while i am with my boyfriend trying to be a good women and great mother i’m still hurting i haven’t seen the 19 year old for like two weeks but lately i see him around and it kills me not being with him i just want to reach out and hold kiss touch and be with him but that will never happen worse part is he avoided me for a while guess he was trying to forget me or was sick of me nagging about how much i care for him i called him on friday night to ask if he was still okay and surprisingly he spoke to me said yes his okay and i said okay then said bye. then, his family sold their house and they moved even further away from me.

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