Failure is my ex is dating an ugly girl

Failure is my ex is dating an ugly girlfriend

i had a girlfriend, well at least i think, and she left for a couple of months.! i try to have a positive attitude, but it is always the same outcome. spot another group of genes that may raise depression risk. sometimes i wonder what are people like this doing on depression sites. need to turn my life around but feel im banging my head in a brick wall. mary jane my name is andrea and i'm 24 years old. i can's say i know what he was going through because i have been fortunate to not experience his illness, but he has left us with a large dent in our hearts and we will never know why he did it or what trigered him to take his life and not think of all the people who care about him. i used to like to go out with friends, now all i want is to be left alone. i am taking 8 pain killers a day that just takes the edge of the pain away, but everyday more problems are attacking me, i keep going to the doctor and they tell me there is nothing more they can do for me, that really sucks, where do i go now? i have friends but i don't feel like going out even though i have nothing better to do, i just sit at home and do stuff on my pc, i like to be alone, i have a lot of negative thoughts, i don't enjoy things in my life i used to do when i was younger, i feel bad about myself. was my birthday friday ,but im suffering anxiety and depression but made the mistake of going out for a social drink ,i was ok untill we went in a pub and my partner bought vodka because he didnt like the lager they sold, something happened and my mood changed from being happy to depressed and we came home in a taxi i was crying and drunk my boyfriend hid in his van from me and i flew into a raging panic attack , the neighbours rang the police and i cant remember much only that it was very late and they were saying i was a nightmare ,i feel so ashamed of myself and sorry ,the policeman was very nice and did a good job to calm me down . ali binazir on twitter:Happiness engineer; author, "tao of dating"; consigliere to the mighty. now you know how to make omelettes -- your brain is different than before you learned that. my friends say it's not me cos they think i'm a very nice person - i just always meet the wrong guy. we know you clicked that option so that you come up in the search fields of chicks looking for their d-bag adonis. so, he has take control over my daughter and has cut off relations with me, and she goes along with whatever he wants because of her codependency. even though i stop myself from taking them i still have that thought in the back of my mind. have a 17 year old daughter that i fear is deeply depressed. my dad has a terminal disease that at the time was not being treated correctly and he was very sick all the time, among many other factors there were a lot of things that were making me sad and angry and act out. in fact, many times it has the opposite effect: "why is this guy kissing my ass when he doesn't even know me? i listen to her venting even about the most trival stuff but what she thinks is trival is something big to her. i've been taking it for six months now, and i still have my moments when i just want to give up, those feelings haven't completely gone but there is a difference which is why i'm writing this. i don't know what to do with all my anger and jealousy and hatred towards this disease and my self. some of the time, the opportunity is gone and then she complains about the timeframe she had to make one (blaming the people offering the opportunity). it is just as easy to be think positively as it is to think negetively.. thinking any girl on a dating site is desperate for the ‘d’. i'm on two antidepressants and they help me cope with the sadness that's in my head. can i convince my suicidal md husband to be evaluated? my cuts & behavior are getting so bad that my therapist is considering sending me back to the childrens health hospital. feeling very selfish, lost, and frustrated i searched the inernet, and stumbled upon this statement by you. if you refuse to get on an anti-depressant (they saved ny life) there are some promising studies on fish oils, but i was too far gone to even mess with those. its so hard to get 'positive' i've had to give myself a hard kick into gear, i try and set myself goals for each day just simple things like, take the dog for a walk, attempt some sourse work, have a tidy up, things that most people just do with out thought, but the things that become so hard when you depressed. i have been like this for over a year now. afraid my mother is some kind of paranoid according to what they said ut i just want to help her live a more normal life. my children are still young in their ability to fully understand and show compassion. i remember from my abnormal psychology class my professor telling us that there were several disorders that at first had many names, but in recent years ended having only one name.: "fuck it" and then f*ck it again because the very idea of will is ludicrious. i would contact him from students i didn't know during class just to stay in touch with him, because my mom had taken my phone away. as you can see my life hasnt always been so lucky but we stick together through thick and thin and a few laughs here and there. if you like a girl, talk to her and ask her out. also, i feel like i am constantly ill and fear that i have diseases and serious health problems. i work, but have burned alot of time from this illness. i am taking zoloft which i have taken for 5 years but recently my depression has taken a turn for the worse the past few months. i know it was a bad decision but i just keep falling deeper. i don't think anyone can possibly understand the hell of clinical depression unless they experience it themselves. then my mothers attitude went the same,she causes their every fight, every minute,everyday. the only time i dont feel pain and sorrow is when i am asleep. it is so hard to put myself out there everyday trying to put some meaning in my life when i can't even find a job. i too have been struggling with my depression for most of my life. and well, may not even be able to pay my rent if i do not get something soon. i have been so hurt and so abused in my life. because girls know a sales pitch when they see it. them, i say the same thing i tell myself every day. i'm finding a relief when i'm hurting myself eg hitting or cutting myself - that makes me feel stronger. that statement, "dont give up hope, keep trying, dont stop trying", is my truth. as for due process, when children are involved due process is simply a luxury few can afford, regardless of the situation and the inevitable accusations. broke - chapter 7 - no kids, actually one abortion, lost the love of my life. now i know that my genetics are a big part of this. time i cut myself, i feel myself falling far far away from everyone. the disease is controlling her life instead of her controlling the disease. i told my son that if the asian taxi driver didn't like it he would of said something. although i push everyone one in my life away i still have some people in my life that wont allow me to do so. thinking about cutting and to me the only thing that can stop this pain is to end my life. elizabeth is a single mom, former internet supermodel, writer, photographer, columnist and avid facebooker who . i am trying to raise my family and the things she does and say are interfering with there upbringing. spent most of my college years in a major depression. although i would never think of ending life by my own hand, i do not care if it ended. the expanded version of this rant at the dating blog for really smart people. i’m only seventeen, just had my birthday last week. my mother had asked me to please bring her along, in case she had an agressive reaction. i had some horrible experiences in my life where i was hit i the head with a six by six wood attacked by a bully which been harrashing me for years and his friends. so they took my family(mom, older sister, me, little brother, little sister) to a hotel for a week. it's hard to explain to my friends how i feel b/c it doesn't make sense to them. current section provides an in-depth look at major depression by summarizing symptoms and diagnostic criteria, prevalence and course, historical and contemporary understandings of the causes of the illness, and assessment and treatment.! i pretty much know this is the end,i feel 100 times worse than i did in 2001,i have lost all, my will is done! typically, these feelings disappear after a day or two, particularly if circumstances change for the better. if you are placed on medications to assist you with you it's not like you have to be on the medication forever. she was also 19, with an irresistible english accent and very cute to boot. this woman was under mental health and had previously accused two other people of the same allegation. exercise, volunteer, do something meaningful and for god's sake give your loved ones a break from your self indulgence. my 14 year old daughter just got out of the mental hospital a week age after trying to kill herself at school. mental health profession, in turn, has added to this persecution by failing to look at the reality of my situation which demands unhappiness and a sesnse of persecution by anyone and has falsely diagnosed me with depression and ptsd. went to see my gp who gave me meds the only thing they do is make me stop crying but i still feel the hurt the pain. not to mention the mounting link between cannabis and psychosis. to accept that life is just once,to live it to the best we need to expect the bestnot from it but from our selves. ever since this happened last night we have been exchanging angry judgemental e-mails back and forth. look on the internet bug your doctor help is their. all i want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. i am taking care of my father and his girlfriend stay with me also. didnt know what to do,living with my parents was so stressful. i share this with you not only from my own experience, but i also have worked in the healthcare field for about five years and am currently in school to become a nurse. of the two dozen reasons i can think for why this protocol sucks, here's one: you're trying to bribe her into liking you. i have been to so many therapists and psychiatrists i could even tell you how many. is to eliminate the obvious negative influencestv, the radio and the media, all of whom conspire with their onslaught of laying on the negative news. i was so concluded i had nothing left, i would let myself go that way. is a real health issue like any other life threatening health issue. while all these thoughts dance like a parade across my mind it all turns into grey as well as all the people and notions of happiness. everyone loves her, she has a load of friends, she is always able to be happy, she pretty much has a boyfriend who i guess you could say is a jock (and i hate him). his ear turned another direction tempting me to ask, "why bother". when i get bored and drift into the greyness i think about shooting myself in the head. i sometimes felt that i should die, cut myself or something, but that just made me think i was even more pathetic co i knew i wasnt strong enough to do that. used to want a future for me but now all i want is to die. but we sometimes get treated bad here but its better than my grandma.  i feel like it is my fault that we've been fighting so much, and it really is horrible because she is sooo amazing to me some times. to find out that she is bipolar and now on meds. this is when i started discovering that she had been to the hospital. while the plan is already set, i cannot do this until things at home are in order ( our will is, but there are other little things i have to take care of first). obviously, the antidepresant that i am taking is not working - thank you for helping me relate & understand. if it was so easy to pop out of, no one would be suffering from this. type of exams can proven that a person has bipolar disorder? my third child was in first year highschool and being rememberance day week he had different days off than the girls so cps did not get their hands on him. theres a part of me that is certain i will never do it but another part thats not so sure. i noticed in the months to come my memory detiorating and a lot of confusion and anxiety. my brother is doing ok now and asks for nothing from anyone. my family does not know intern that makes me feel alone. when i was in college i was at least able to see the school therapist - now i can't even afford to go in for a check up. it is a complex illness, creating physical, psychological, and social symptoms. i was stressed for a long time and experiencing some symptoms which had led me to seek the help of a therapist and then i got the flu. like a charm: print this article out and leave it on a table for her to read. and think about it, if this whole "imbalance" theory held any water, the drugs should be able to help just about everyone. i'm on medication but all they ever do is up the dose i just want to be happy again but i just dont know if i can wait that long. to make matters worse, my son bonded with red neck and now he sees me as a danger to hank and he will have nothing to do with me. there's some comforting feeling in reading your posts, none of us is the only one. i was driven to such a brink from my long endured pain and depression that i wanted to kill the source of my mental anguish in some way or another. my sister told me that i should stop trying to blame people and places. i want to get help so that way i can stop these horrible thoughts from going through my head, but i'm not ready to leave home for a week straight to do it and i'm afraid of what my family will say to me or about me if i go. if youre worried your friends might leave you, explain how you feel. how could my children side with him and yet admit he is emotionally detached? all i have known in life has been disappointment and heartache. reason why i post this long message is that i am trying to help without being an enabler. for example, if someone is depressed, they may not feel like exercising. i don't speak to my brother, or my aunt that only family i have. i feel like i gave my life to others and forgot about myself. and finalyy my mom said i had to sleep on my own.. gave myself 70-110 bruises )before my doctor would take me seriously (they would just tell me to "go away and forget about it" even when i went in bruised and bleeding. have suffered from depression since i was 6 years old now i am 21 and my depression and social anxiety is at it's worse. she was one person that i was actually very close to at any point in my life.'ve realized (or am trying to) that the "normal" world is the one i make for myself every day.'ve been talking to my friend over the last couple of days and she has come to the conclusion that i have bi-polar. is extremely frustrating to me to have to suffer like this all of theses years but some how by the grace of god i have hung in there. i would also like to give this same bit of advice to anyone who is suffering from any form of depression. i live each day as it comes because i never know what tomorrow is going to bring.  after reading that article and it said that the number one cause of phycological illness was depression it made me wonder why everyone is so depressed? if we could just talk i would send you my email adress. my dad also doe's not understand my depression, he is consumed by all his cars and himself, tells me just go to work,put money in your pocket and everything will be ok, i really just want to cry. and i would always remember me and my older sister would peek through the door to see my dad hit my mom, and we would cry. i am able to make my payments and keep my house for now but am very concerned that i will be losing my house. i don't know how people can hide this illness from others re: the women that would disapear and go to the hospital and not tell her boyfriend.

My ex is dating an ugly girl

but if you're not getting rejected, that means you're not out exposing yourself to danger, the crucible in which manhood gets forged. know i am ^%#@ up too ben that way, then convinced myself i was normarmal. after attending court, my former employer offered me an out of court settlement with a reference. to Major Depressive Disorder and other depressive and mood varieties. i wish luck to each and every one of you, if you have suffered anything like i have (no doubt you have) you all deserve a medal! but, my kids and i had a pretty good loving relationship until she married her second husband. depression can be so bad sometimes that i go to sleep praying not to wake up, while for various reasons i do not believe suicide is the answer i have been thinking about it very very often lately. i used to never get a regular amount of sleep and sometimes people are blind to how important it is.* in spite of all the hoopla, just wanted to say that my prius still rocks.  until the first meeting, everyone thinks everyone else is either a fat bald guy, a single mom with eight kids or, judging by your mugshot, an ex-con. last time, i almost killed myself (just one of many attempts).’m looking at 50 next month and i'm just now beginning to pull myself out of a dark hole." to a large extent, you get out of it what you put into it. i too have lost my brothers, my dad, both grandparents and my two of my only uncles that i knew and loved. i frankly don't care about anything and i see this in my daily life. now i feel like when i see my cpn again i can give her that and hopefuly it'll answer her questions. depression screening day is just around the corner (october 10th! my boy freind does not understand and thinks it up to me to bring myself out of it. but i suggest that you get help wether it be medication or a therapist. as time goes on i feel farther and farther away and disconnected from the real world. and i understand that i'm making it worse for myself, but i can't stop the things i do. i have been stripped of all parental rights and as a ploy of the false accusations to which i have been subjected is the effort on my ex's dysfunctional, narcissistic, anti-empathetic cruelty to abdicate her responsibility for the harm she is causing (psychologically, emotionally, professionally, financially, and residentially) by accusing me of being mentally ill. someone overheard i wanted to try and assassinate four of the most beligerent members of my unit who were persistently picking on me or mortifying me in one way or another. boyfriend has been dieanosed with depression but i think it is biopolor myself he has been on depression meds for a 3 weeks and they dont seem to be working. decrees that in the homo sapiens sapiens mating dance, the male pursues and the female is pursued. it is much more painful to point that i would rather have to deal with physical pain, at least i will know that i will heal from that, but this i do not see myself recovering from. i lost my hope in god over time, the fact that there is something like that just doesn't make sense for me cause when i look at the world i can't belive that it is ok and that if there is a god that he would want it like that..Funny Memes – [When You See That Your Ex Is Dating Someone Ugly]I had my first kiss when i was 19. i am a christian and reading my bible on a regular basis is what began to lift my spirit. wanted to say that i have from a very young age been suffering with social anxiety (probably avoidant personality disorder), generalised anxiety disorder, dysthymia and intermittent bouts of major depressive disorder. i have seen a tyripist (i think that's how you spell it) and she recommended that i see a pychaitrist(however you spell that). i also am not one bit gullable and fully aware how many ugly mean hearted game players are out there. am a former professional boxer and i believed after my boxing career,things got rough for me,anxiety i was getting,i became a alcoholic,went to rehab to sober up,well i just relasped and i'm at that feeling of "help me" i am on a lot of meds that the doc has given me,like seroquel,lexapro,topamax,deplin,neurontin, and i admit i messed up by drinking again. disability and suffering is not limited to the individual diagnosed with mdd. i didn't know what the problem was, but i had a smile on my face everyday. but now i was moving because my mom couldnt pay anything off because she had no job. at the right time, when all i planned is prepared, i will have to rest. am stunned that the end part of this reader comment was allowed on screen. when i woke up i cried for hours i had never felt worse it is the absolute worst pain anyone will ever fill. hate myself for what i have put every one through. this made my mom's disease worse so i had to walk away and end our relationship soon after she started using. i am now stuck at home taking care of my bed-ridden father in law and my 8 wk old.. i also have to deal with my mother who is homeless at the moment and refuses to accept that she needs help. but when i felt sad, like the christmas before when my mom sent me to my room for practically the whole day, cos i was still in depression. caring nurture is essential to the development of a "healthy personality. i am still a friendly person despite this but i have such a wall up. am always sad, i barely eat, i cry myself to sleep every night only to wake up every hour because i can't sleep, i barely have the energy to do the tasks required of me as a mother and a wife to maintain the household (cooking, cleaning, etc). i have been experiencing manic-depressive symptoms for about 3 years now, and up till now i have tried to ignore them, but its really beginning to effect my life and i want some help. i haven't ever thought of taking my own life, but i wouldn't mind if i went now. however, women will tell you that there's nothing more attractive in a man than self-acceptance (which is not the same as complacency). now that i understand some of this, i'm going to make sure i fight for my health and keep my stress level down. this goes out to all my boys out there at places like harvard, princeton, yale, stanford, mit, columbia, duke, swarthmore, penn, cornell, berkeley, brown, dartmouth, oxford, and cambridge. continuing battling the cps for my daughters back they did not allow us to see them for a year my one girl rebeled against them and snuck visits in with us but everytime she came to us the cops would show up right away and take her away so after a few months of that she realized she could go to any party or drug house and the cops would not bother her at all or look for her unless she was with us. giving yourself that kind of excuse to not help yourself is only going to hold you back, and make things worse for you in the long run. mental help net's mental health support community has an active self-injury forum you may wish to explore, where you can talk to other people who self-injure. and once my mom told me that i was ugly, so i was like "crap, if you dont like me, why did you bother having me? i realize that the horrendous thoughts in my head are all lies. my ex, battled depression for 4 years at a very major level.. do things i enjoy and i will feel better as if this is solid and reasonable advice, they say hurtful and messed up things to me and we seem to just constantly fight when we are around each other, i hate my job to no end they pay is barely enough to survive let alone get ahead and the thought of going there in the mornings really makes me physcially ill, im divorced for over 10 yrs have no children the one thing in this world that i wanted more then anything,which seems i will never ever get to experience motherhood at this rate., here i am again, pushing everyone away, spending hours locked away in my house and head. i am on various medication for manic depression and i was so far from taking an overdose to end my life. why is it so freeking hard to just be normal? taking both paxil and prozac and experiencing lingering discontinuation effects(including thyroid disturbance)i had to find an alternative. have suffered from anxiety, depression and panic disorder since i was not quite 20 years old. i'm not really sure what it was that made me think of going to see a doctor, a psychiatrist. they don't care that my attempt to reach them might turn out to be my last try to ever get my life back. i have never had a close connection with any of my family members. i feel as though i have to force myself and try to maintain friendships. a red neck who is the polar opposite of me. i serched the word depretion and found the word major depretion,in witch i strongley feel explaines what ive been going throught. i know what you will say, that i probably have a lot to offer to others, but i cannot go on without the love of my family. i don’t have a job, i don’t pay rent, and i can already feel the pull of this endless cycle. we fight all the time about how we don't understand each other and she is moving out in a month. growing up watching my family being beat by my father certainly took its toll, and though i haven't been around physical abuse since i was 8, i still go through verbal and emotional abuse. i think 'situational' depression is different for people that don't suffer form major depression due to chemical imbalances. when anyone else tries, she pushes them away and says that it is too much for her. i don't understand :( now i understand how my girlfriend felt. never got child support,well only when he had to save his ass from going to jail. i wish there was an ultimate way we could save and help one another that we need not ever have to feel this way with our friends and families altogether. and you can also speak to your parents, and trust me i know how difficult that is as times, but believe it or not, parents normally know what to do, and they know you. shortly after he claimed he got a job with a company and earned his class 1 which i have never seen or a paystub or a t4. im seeing 2 therapists, and another psychiatrist and they all have different opinions about me and my behavior and my brain and none of it goes together. it makes no sense but that is the way it was done. i don’t think past tomorrow i check my work schedule to the next day i work, i try not to plan things. i wana do is fall to sleep and dream for the rest of my life but i can't so i want to kill my self. but there is hope for all out there who are struggling with this. i am constantly monitering everything that comes out of my mouth so that i do not hurt anyone yet i will put myself down at the drop of a hat. even clean my house i exist, i do'nt have a life it's an effort to brush my teeth or wash my face there is only sadness, tears, and hopelessness.?I have read, and it is all the same for me. is a serious omission, since our relationships with others are the biggest determinants of happiness in our lives. i feel as though i can't be the mom, wife, daughter, sister and aunt that i am supposed to be. how does a person obtain an accurate diagnosis of not being mentally ill and get their name cleared for future legal and professional purposes? i wanted to cut myself but i never had the power to do it. since i am physically disabled and not bringing any money into the household i feel like i have nothing left to contribute to anyone on this planet. so if anyone knows of something, then please give me a name because this is getting worse and this economy is not good. it is a complete nightmate that we will never be able to understand. doctors would not give me antidepressants as they could not figure out how i could not blow my head off so how could i have it. poor little girl stuck in my mind as fresh as yesterday, i feel her fear, her sufering, her pain, her strugly to understand why it is she is so fearfull and sad and why people make her hurt so, why they are suck selfish awful things. cps came to my grandmas house and they said it wasnt safe at my grandmas house. of me wants to stop and have a good life but my cutting is so bad now that i completely zone out when i do and i cant stop myself. hope you figure things out :)~alice editor's note: depersonalization disorder is also described here. a person who experiences significant impairment related to shifting between up and down moods often has bipolar disorder (discussed in more detail later). so my sister left to go live with my dad. but now i havent even touched my instrument for 2 months. the thoughts i was and am still having only made me hate myself. i should be happy, i have a full sholarship for 5 years, a part-time job, a loving family, but i find myself always sleeping and finding an escape. you don't expect to ace an exam just by getting lucky, do you? so it seems like every time she gets a break (ie - gets a diagnosis, then gets the right "cocktail" of meds), she gets discouraged by the roadblocks. i have tried all medications, went through hospital programs a couple of time's, had a great counsler, but nothing help's, all the joy is gone, there is nothing left but this broken 47 yr old man,if someone could understand that i'm being ripped in half,iam trying to stay for my daughter,yet i have to die to make the pain stop! one even said "i can't believe such a good looking girl like you could be like that". today wasn't necessarily a good day and so much is going on that i can't handle my emotions. am overwhelmed with stress and it seems one more thing always goes wrong and it sends me into this dreadful thought prosess and i want to give up. at that point i was tired of trying to work in the dysfunctional corporate world with this illness. after about 4 months i felt like i put so much effort in the friendship as i was always ringing her, texting her and going to see her. im currently on remeron had been on lexapro neither of these meds seem to help much any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. from what i’ve seen in my life, which isn’t even the worst some people have, all life is is the cycle. can't believe that two days ago i was seaching the internet for ways to painlessly kill myself. it’s like leaving yourself in the depths of your own dark prison cell. as a result, depression-related visits to physicians account for a large portion of health care expenditures. of course it took about three months for me to get in to see anyone and by that time i had begun clawing my way out and regaining my own form of normalcy - feeling worthless, etc. i am not lazy at all, when i do go to work, i give 110% and i loved my last job. you can still feel it, live with it but it is a little easier to cover it up to others with the meds. not to mention that i am still unemployed and getting into financial difficulties, with having a mortgage and living on my own that with no job i can't afford to stay in my property which is causing me more stress and anxiety, adding to my depressive situation. i make more and more mistakes, i miss more and more days, and it's getting so hard to lift myself up from it. there is no help available in this state for this situation that i have come across intentionally or not. think i have mdd, yet my mother dose not even care and when i tell her how i feel, she just says "well sry u feel that way" and dose nothing, iv tried killing myself, i need help and idk what to do. i have no place venting here because i see several of you are in far worse situations then myself. you calculate its value is based on a number of factors,but, i daresay you don't spend time thinking objectively about your options, you immediatly make up your mind to save what you think of as the most valuable. my wife left 10 years ago, i love her still till today, i have tryed everything to get her back, but she refuse's to reoncile." but whenever i force myself to go, i realize that wow, i actually had fun. this may also give you some encouragement:There are times in life when we indeed just feel like crying. depression is there no matter what i do or take it always comes back. if you continue to use said photo or even post no photo thinking someone will be drawn to your charismatic personality – sorry, but that show “catfish” ruined it for you. although the secret is now in the open, it's still getting worse. he thinks that because i am sensitive and loving that i am gay, and he is a raging homophobe. i lived in the ghetto, starving every afternoon cos my mom didnt care to provide for me (she was always at church praising god and denying that she had a family), my dad tried but couldnt relly, and i had to live off my grandma's money. i'm still struggling with my depression some days are better than others. ask me how i know this but if you commit suicide you better be ready to watch what it does to the people you care about. it's like time is a blur and i'm dithered between the days. the medication just dulls the depression and make like more managable on a day to day basis but the depression is still there. from college for expressing suicidal ideation (a reaction to an npr radio story). i moved into her house and by that time my parents had gotten divorsed and i realized it was for the better. my friends stopped hanging out with me in third grade i mean they would talk to me but no one ever actually knew anything about me. you are worth something and you were put on this planet for a reason. i have been told by everyone i know i am the nicest guy, alway's helping other's, love life,but cannot help myself! i’ve been night riding on my mountain bike for 3 solid years now and that has helped me to reduce stress and it is a meditation as well. slowly i am losing hope in life and feel that i am goin to get trapped into this hell forever. keep wanting to believe that there is nothing wrong with me but the more i think about it i know there is.

My crush is dating an ugly girl

have to say that there is hope out there for depression. i feel that he is hurting her progress but doesn't intentionally mean to. what she doesn't know is that i cry most days and i self harm frequently. my family is gone wife and my two lil girlsi did this to my self and maybe yeah am crazy am maybe yeah, i have ptsd and maybe hell yeah i have a stress disorder all i know is that i can’t sleep at night all i do is just drink and smoke yesterday my brother-in-law call and he star telling me how bad he was doing and for some reason he asked me if i was ok i couldn’t hold it and i start crying just like a lil 2 year old i told him to take care of my family and that everything i did it was for a reason, i love my family yeah maybe am not the best person here in the word and yeah maybe i have problems just like anyone out there, but i love my family and if i don’t have them i don’t want to be here. my mother and father don't understand my pain so i don't communicate with them because with my mother it leads into an unwanted argument and i don't need it. i re-wrote my entire book and then tore up the old book into what must have been over a thousand pieces so that no one would know that i had made a mistake. although informally, we often use the term "depression" to describe general sadness, the term major depression is defined by a formal set of criteria which describe which symptoms must be present before the label may be appropriately used. i have lived my life for her and my grandkids. oh and everything you've heard about cannabis being non-addictive is bull crap, because i'm still going through a psychological withdrawal from it. i felt like i was beginning to have a family with her at times and now it is all broken apart and like the worst nightmare i could have ever imagined. i have 3 others, love kids more than anyone in my world, and i am 2 miles away. sometimes, mood is described as a prolonged emotion that colors a person's whole psychic life and state of well-being. how angry you feel at the world, watching all the people around you live comfortably, get engaged, build lives for themselves and you're just at the bottom, not even being able to scrape out an existence for yourself. race will begin in a year, my adult life, and i have already tapped out, i’m already tired of running in the circular cycle, tired of slaving away to pay for thrills and pills to make my life seem better than it actually is. 3 years later i found a good therapist i have been on effoxor for about 2 years it took a long time to get the dosage right. i have just recently came out to a close friend with my problems of depression, and all she told me to do was just not to think about it, and sort of brushed it aside. my brother has a ld and schizophrenia and my father had severe paranoid depression last year. am 15 and at the end of january my boyfriend committed suicide. (if there is a deffanition for normal) i have been through sevral clinics to get help. not me, not the doctor not my husband or my family. i will never have kids at this point and am smart enough not to with my illness, even though i am wonderful with the kids i teach. i tried to tell people about it and they were over-the-top, they threatened me with commitment rather than listening. i stuck it out at work despite my boss who yelled at me and was extremely judgemental. with my son and his girl friend, we reached our destination (my address). was doing really well in managing for the last five years up until about two months ago when slam, i was hit again with a major episode. i totally believe in jesus christ, and do have a personal relationship with him, pray every hour or minute, but everything keeps getting worse, i am fighting for my life, but i am losing the battle, i have been going through this for a long time, i am a very strong person but i am at a point that all hope is lost, this merry go round ride has got to stop, i am so very tired of the same ride. obviously, employers are going to have there doubts if information is contained on my c. i am surprised that i am even at my computer right now. are people diagnosed with anorexia nervosa depressed because they eat an animal based diet? i realized right away these are signs of psychosis, so i threw all my drugs and paraphenelia into the dumpster the next day.,i just wanted to say my situation is very similar to chucks, regarding being bullied over custody and visitation issues with his son for the past five years. as for your friend don't listen to her/him they don't understand that our illness is in our head and we can't think about something else or snap out of it. just make contact with one person whom you can trust who is experienced in ways that can help you. through my own resources and strenghth i made it with gods help. i now believe that my dispair is caused by so much rejection and abandonment in my life. i continued to have depression thru out my school years. magnetic stimulation device for treatment-resistant major depression just approved by the fda. i guess the reason i'm posting, is to try and offer help to you. i don't like my job (to put it mildly), but i'm sticking it out for now. i wanted to go see what was happening but my mom didnt let me. unfortunately for me, i see hope and can help to give her hope but she can't see it so it is easier for her to "shut the curtains" but harder for me to see her do this. days i try to separate thoughts from awareness, apparently thats what a spiritual experience is. the only thing i can say is please dont commit suicide.,if this is how you feel, and you can't talk about it to someone you know- i just want you guys to know that you don't have to be alone, you can write to me, just to talk. i stopped taking the zoloft and thought i was doing better but i still missed work, even though i thought it wasn't from depression because i didn't have that "thing"in the pit of my stomach anymore. but in my few years of life i've been through a lot.'m finding that a proper diet, indeed a raw food diet is helping me beyond compare to sleep better. so, she grew up very closed and somehow i think she transferred this pattern to our children because they also refuse to talk about their inner lives. don't care if i die, for example, but greatly fear to live maimed. i eventuly started to sleep by my self and wasnt scared no more..a new service in the mental health world is community support..I am going through one of the toughest times of my life the mixed feelings and emotions r undescribable. i was proscibed welbutron*(spelled wrong try and sound it out)* and that didn't work i can never sleep until my body phyicly can't move it's 6:05 a. gpa and everything is so focused on the future success of me and blah blah blah. since i am a father of 2 wonderful sons, i made sure i have saved and prepared the future of my two boys. they just expect you to know all the answers, which if you knew you wouldnt be as low as you are. i try to get into all kinds of things, to bring myself out of it, but i always lose interest. or if people care if i do i just don't care eney more i'v tried killing my self but i can't and the people who push me off the edges i just wana get a knife kill them and others then my self. that is to take measures to protect you from the depressed moods that you don't deserve. it is uplifting to know there is help and support from people who share the sme emotions." it is _never_ too late to offer this to a growing child. just like water flows downhill and electrons go from high to low potential, there is also an attraction gradient. my dad lived with his mom which was about 2 or 3 blocks away from our townhouse. depression can be so bad sometimes that i go to sleep praying not to wake up, while for various reasons i do not believe suicide is the answer i have been thinking about it very very often lately. i have been raised by a tough love relationship with them. long will i be on medication for treatment of my depression. i have the greatest 11 yr old, carley, she is a angel, the perfect little girl. at times i wish i could fall asleep and not wake up, but that is not what my fate is today. it really is saddening because i had recently just started to feel a little happier and optimistic and then some does something messed up to me and now i have hit rock bottom. hopeless, helpless, worthless, pathetic, sad, scared, lonely all those emotions are what i feel on a regular basis. the person you talk with should allow you to purge and provide some assistance. life is to boring and frustraited i pray to god every night let me die. it would almost been better if they had been killed in an accident, but this daily hatred is driving me crazy. there's no way i can let my mom know about even half of the things i'm feeling. i just felt i needed to confine something in someone other than my family. it runs heavily on my mothers side of the family. i am blessed and fortunate to have sharpening, kindred, godly, strong christian friends. my dad died, my brother is married, and it seems like there's absolutely no one to talk to. i was nearly placed in military prison, but due to no actual danger posed, i was terminated from my unit. i am currently taking 300 mg of effexor er but its obviously not working if i want to kill myself. it is so much fun to look like a psychopath at random times in the middle a crowded university. 14 years with him and breaking my heart further by stealing my beloved grannys rings from me was only worth 100 bucks to him. which of course isn't happening thanks to my lifestyle and minority/of/age.. the first three years of my marriage was a trip through hell and the devil was my husband. had asked her to keep visiting her while "we" worked this out. depression is a disease that can linger and progress for months and years without detection . it is a hard long road but if you take the time to help yourself and find a good counselor and doctor that won't just drug you into a coma you can survive this disease. even tho my brother killed himself 25 years ago and i swore it was the most selfish thing anyone could do. people experiencing the temporary "blues" don't feel a sense of crushing hopelessness or helplessness, and are able, for the most part, to continue to engage in regular activities. the phrase “laughter is the best medicine” is actually true because laughter releases feel good chemicals into the body and it does lighten up the mood. and it was one of the best times of my life. i was able to hide my depression from my friends and family, but it was something i kept inside in my mind. of us suffer from some form of depression at one time or another in our lives,learning to be realistic and objective is one of the major ways in which to overcome this. the way to fix you is to make them see you and your problem. i make up some story and write out my feelings as the character's feelings, and my sister and my friends like reading it cos i know how to make things funny. example: if i saw a stray dog on the street i would sob and cry until i made myself sick. last night i thought to hell with it i'll try open up to my self, i wrote down what makes me angry, why am i so angry? have suffered depression as long as i have lived in this life. head is just awful and i just hurt and i don't know why. i want help but i am afrid that if i get help i will not be able to be a dad and i want to see my kids do everything. in the beginning i had a problem getting to work and i think she held this against me. i dropped most of my meds and made a decision that if this is going to be a part of my life then i might as well try to live with it for now. 20 years of marriage and if i have to live through another episode i may not make it myself. is a harsh reality that i must learn to overcome in order to be a succeccful father,son,friend,and human being in general. just wanted to let you know that there is help out there. so be less interested in her than she is in you, or at least pretend you are, so she has a chance to move towards you. i can't keep living like this i have called different places for help thay say we will call you back in 2 or 3 days and know one what will it take for me to get some help . i have to have my exercise fix at least everyother day) god, alah who every even shock treatment (joke) before you give up. when people work together instead of against each other the true potential of humanity is seen.'m 36 next month canada day will by my 17th year aninversary with my common-law husband the devil. don't be self indulgent, exercise, go out on dates, do stuff you love, be around your family and friends, treat yourself, go on a trip or a holiday, never be alone. but this is what will happen: i'll start out okay, but then she'll mention her ex, and then i get paranoid, and start asking a lot of questions. have a two year old son also and he is the only reason i stick around. i think depression has affected my interaction skills with other people and i am more of an anti-social person. drs changed my meds four times but nothing helped me so i quit them all togeher. i couldn't get over the way my son had spoke to me. upheld by his tender hand of grace and mercy and somehow we grow. meanwhile, dealing with more unpleasant circumstances of my father gradually losing his mind in his obsessive struggle to maintain a romantic relationship with my mother while i'm caught in between and used as an information medium. i dont enjoy much but i carry on because of my father in heaven and my wife and four boys. even though she was abusive to me and my brothers in the past, we began to heal our relationship as best as we could. it is a long, slow process that is far from easy for any of us. is really big for me , i haven't even spoke of my thoughts to my family. so if i wanted to shoot myself i would probably accidently shoot my wall because my mind decided to break down and move the gun. never made enough money to provide for my children the way i wanted to. and now with my boyfriend gone i have never felt so alone. at ordinary day, when i get back home from work i have no one to talk to, not even my family because they live abroad. i also lost my best friend of five years because i didn't call her right back. is for "i don't get it"- i see where your coming from, being in a marriage that long with someone who has sucked the life out of you, i've been there and believe me, you have probably made the right decision in leaving-it's not your job to fix someone else, you have your own life. it is often that we don't want to go because we feel that this means we are weak or that we can't handle our problems. it would happen at the sound of my alarm clock! i was layed off of my job in january of 2008 found another in may of 08. you may not think so, but if you did you would be putting your own disorder onto other people. the stimulants have help me a times feel almost good but it has gotten to a point where all i do is fight to face the dayly war of life, work and get back home in phyical and emotion torment every night. my bff has learned how to keep me calm when i get into a bad mood swing. no i dont mean kill myself i mean runaway or just stop talking so i fade into the back round even more. it is out there and the web and it looks like maybe dr phil is going to do a show on it. in my family you don't go to the doctor and you don't talk about it and in my profession this is a black mark. i tried to hide it from my children but was truly suffering. he always refused to accept he had a problem, until last year in august when i was able to take him to a mental health clinic assistance. after several months of on and off depression, i tried giving myself something to concentrate on with a sense of determination and some kind of critical goal to work towards by joining the army. anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure), hopelessness, and failure to experience an increase in mood in response positive events rarely accompany "normal" sadness. boyfriend who has a physical disability had the nerve to shove my depression in my face and tell me that i am feeling sorry for myself and wasting my college degree. we all know excercise and nutrition are vital and so is staying properly hydrated. happy and sweet as can be sometimes and the next day miserable and bringing down the whole world around me. when that happened & the economy get so bad (he was in real estate) he gradually went into a state of deep depression & is home with me. i have been diagnosed with manic depression which i never had any problems regarding this issue before all this happened. you just have to find some inner stength and realy be honist with youself and identify the route course of your unhappiness, wether its one huge thing, or lots of little things that have built up, there is hope, if you cant tr writting things down, not to make them better but to idetify the prob and if you feel you can then professional help is a gd idea jst so that some one knows and may b they'll give you some useful info and help.'s my best to you my beloved - those of you who know my pain - here are my solutions:Spirituality: "f*ck it" god is bigger - she can handle it. 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my other daughter took a stand two christmas ago and climbed out her foster mothers window in the middle of a blizzard with no shoes on and hitchiked across town to see us cops picked her up next morning. sounds like something retarded from like disney channel, but, yeah. the only thing that keeps me from drinking from morning to night is my kids, i care for them first. just thinking of all the years that i wasted, how i have wasted my life makes me hate myself a lot of the time. i never thought that life would be as great as it is now and that my daughter and i would have such health as individuals and as a family. dating advice i ever got 2: get over a breakup, avoid bad boys, find love & more smart moves for smart women. he also told me that i should get a regular full time job and stop accepting financial help from my mother because she is not going to be around forever. i don't talk to the people i know about how i feel about the world and life cause i know i would not like there reaction, i told my friend the other day that i am depressed and that i might need help, but i don't feel any better about it, i feel like when others know that i am depressed think about death that i will be more of a outsider then i already am. for example, yesterday in french, i spelled one word wrong in my book and completely lost it. besides my chemical imbalance my biggest problem is dealing with other people and trying so hard to convince them that i do not choose to be this way. i have had people tell me "exercise and diet is good for depression"- it only works for non severe deprssion. when people work together instead of against each other the true potential of humanity is seen. i wish i'd just go to sleep and not wake up. am 20, i am not sure how long i am depressed, people that i know over the internet told me that something is not right with me and then i i was taking a look at myself: i think a lot about death (suicide sometimes as well, i never did it though nor did i hurt myself), i am mostly sad, i can have fun and smile but in the end of the day i am sad. my heart is broken my girls are both running the streets doing drugs my so called husband is the least trustworthy person i know ( he has cleaned my account out millions of times always with the excuse of o its a bank error i got a visa once from my student loan he cleaned that out too and much more its the rings that hurts me the most of his theivery and his reasoning behind it) my student loan is about 30k my devil husband had a student loan to but of course his is paid right off. i was "conditioned" to feel the anxiety associated with getting through my day each time the alarm would sound. i feel like everyone in the world is ready to tell me what a failure i am. i'd go to bed high and start thinking i could move objects with my mind, or get super paranoid like i'm being watched at that moment, and when i closed my eyes i'd see faces transforming into other faces and demons very disturbing. i'm not sure what type of depression i have, i have my ups and downs along with really bad mood swings but i dont thnk i'm bipolar, i dont seem to find my symptoms which match i hope this wasnt a waste of time. the judge ruled generational dysfunction to allow the cps custody, i continued to cry and work ft graveyards to keep myself going my so called devil husband continued to smoke his pot and have fun as usuall while i worked and batteled insomnia he thanked me by not 6 months after my girls were taken by stealing my 7 gold and diamond rings two of them were left to me by my granny who passed away shortly after my brother the other 5 were trinkets he had bought for me over the 14 years we were together all bought for me with my money because he always had excuses why he couldnt work. i feel like a waist of space and i dont see the point of my living anymore. it got so bad that in march of this year i spent 3 days in a psych ward. i feel like life is going by, like im wearing a veil and i dont know who i am. that's also when my career as a professional virgin came to an end. when i feel overwhelmed with these emotions i like to deal with it my punching things or digging my finger nails in my skin. i called my mom and i've been getting help since. apologised to the neighbours for the disruption caused ,but im scared il lose my house as its happened before. my family could have realized i didn't belong there and take me in until i could get better or help me pay for my own place until i could get back on my feet. the counselor should take it from there and do what is necessary to get you some real help. i need to just focus on my health and stop worring about everyone else for once in my life, because the bottom line is that no one was there for me when i needed it. she had me take a test, talked to me a bit, told me i might have something called "dysthymia", and promised she would get me a councelor. huge difference between chuck and me is this: i have had relatively mild but chronic depression since childhood, which i consider a more clinical and treatable condition, but the treatment got me in bigger trouble with the ex five years ago, so i stopped the meds altogether. lost my job because of it, i smoke pot several times a day because of it, my family struggles so much with me trying so hard. how i'd love to see these people have to handle this type of depression for only an afternoon! but those lugs probably think hubble is some kind of gum and perl scripts are oyster recipes! it can be hard to change the way i think sometimes because i think pessimistically most of the time. and i just cant take it anymore, its not just hurting me anymore, its hurting my daughter! my mom was abusive she was not having that p*&&y shit. my grandfather recently died and my other grandfather is in his last days here. i started doing things that supported me in feeling good about myself, healthy things that is..my father recently divorced my mother and the rest of the family on my mothers side being anything but helpful, it is so hard to deal with all of this. should i tie a rope on my neck and jump from a tree in her yard. i heard some of them shouting my name but i was too scared to go down, also because my friend who i fell out with wasnt calling my name, so that made me cry even more.'ve been searching google for somewhere i could chat about what's been bothering me, while i didn't find what i was looking for which was i guess a chat room with some sort of professional but i think that finding this place was better. i have forced myself for nearly 20 dam long years to provide for my family i have tryed 50-100 meds. my relatioship with my kids was good until my divorce seven years ago. i've been jobless since and without any form of insurance or medical care, i can't receive any treatment of any kind for neither my joint pain or my own need of psychological evaluation..i lived with her & my grandfather most of my life., i am reading even more about psychology, i feel this has left a trauma on me now . late in 1991 a group of gang members carried out an attack , using baseball bats and billiard balls ,injured and almost killed myself and 2 of my partners. She was also 19, with an irresistible English accent and very cute to boot. you act shocked when you show up looking old enough to be our grandpa or young enough to be our son and we’re disappointed and pissed we wasted time getting dolled up for a catfish. you were created by an great one who created you in his image. also me and my other best friend had a fall out a few months ago, and now im just too scared to speak to her.!Today is one of many when i wonder if i should just be hospitalized for the rest of my life. we will automatically assume you are the ugly guy or ask for a picture and hope you are one of the hot guys next to you. i have been doing the best i can to raise my son and i feel like im doing a pretty good damn job at it! it seems the times in my life wcahere i remember being happy, i was always doing something for somebody who really needed it and with a world like ours where helping somebody else just without personal gain or an alterior motive is so rare. my identity and everything i thought i knew about myself - i was outgoing, talkative, intelligent, brash, witty, brave - had changed. i keep on getting treated poorly and this time it really messed me up. my son and daughter are 32 now and they totally hate me. if my hand gets bruised i am usually proud with the results. im 32 years old & on my 3rd week know and want to beleive i can change for the better, but all im dooing is is making my situation worse, and gets worse each day. you know that something is missing - what is it? it has eased my anxiety and stress a little, but since i started doing it, i'm finding it hard to stop. who knows anything about depression - i myself have been diagnosed with a severe major depression - will know that depression is not something that you can just pull yourself out of with a click of the fingers. disorder if i may, has just hit to the hardest extent. the narcissistic tendencies of his wife, particularly the bullying and feigning innocence regarding her own mind-blowing thoughts, words and actions is dead on. this is a sucky, cruel, unkind world and yet i realised that there are homeless people that are happier than i am (was). in fact, a mother's best weapon today is to make the accusation that the father is a pedophile, because it heightens the emotions of people well beyond any reasonable desire for proof to the contrary, as if this is actually possible, which it's not, not really. i lost my first job over it that i had for over a year and missed alot of school. what i do is i write in my diary (put the date and the time im writing) whatever i feel whenever i feel. i leave my house in the morning, and i just never make it there. don't care for anything, i feel as though i'm wasting my life. depression seeps into every crevice in your life and like a virus infects it till all there is, is lonelyness pain and a sense of unhappy loss. mom, dad, the sex-ed teacher - none of them had taught me any of this stuff. you may have a low self esteem or just haven't found your niche in the world which is fine, remember people do care and you can get through it. i've found myself asking these questions (to myself) for over 18 years now. this was a person, that was telling everyone, how much she loved me and calling me her "fiancee" or "husband".. it is self indulgant, but it is a mindset that can not be shaken. i have a fiancé but i recently lost my job i had for 7 yrs. it's such irony because, a few years ago, i would've made fun of someone who had my condition. i tried to keep my depression a secret from my roommates but it became harder and harder to keep. i've tried to pull my loved ones closer around me., just read your comment your mention of thinking of trying marijuana enticed me to try to dissuade you. ties antidepressant use in pregnancy to autism risk in boys. while i did it in total confidence that i was following god's ways, it is definitely not so. wish i couls rewind to friday night to put it all right. no help that day and i was so angry that i went through all that and still had nothing to show fro it,, the very next morning went back to my dr and told her i needed immediate relief that i was at falling over the edge. i have thought about cutting myself, and a little bit about suicide but i couldnt go through with it. they say exercise helps, but how do i do that, when i cant even keep awake long enough to get dressed? my own morale was heavily weakened and in due time, i felt my depression had made a very triumphant return at the worst time possible. the only things that help me is: exercise, meds and being cognitive about the dreaded d. am ruining my kids and i don't know how to stop this train wreck when it was happing to me when i was a kid i said i would never, not play, not encourage, and be to depressed to help them or me i have no money no job and noone to help a lifetime negative person please get me out of hole no hope. holding my hand saying its ok, as i cryed my eyes out. i know that she did love me a lot, i do believe her, yet this other side, has caused such mixed feelings in my life, that it has left a huge void now in my heart, soul and psyche. my other daughter made it okay at home from last oct untill just last month finally the lure of running the streets became to strong for her and same rules just go to school i never had to set a curfew as she was always home at a reasonable time. my mother tries to be supportive when i call her. welfare wont do anything to help me because of my lack of info on his money and he pays the rent so why complain. i see the apathy and disinterest in those in whom i have tried to pour my life into for his glory. i find myself yealling at the kids more and more and finding it harder and harder to goto work. (criminal records buero) and every job that i am applying for that the employers are passing on giving me the job due to the sight of my c. do i feel like everyone is trying to upset me? do i get my 24 year old son to a counselor. i expressed how unhappy i was with things and she apologised and said sorry for taking you for granted. i do not believe they will ever take my depression seriously unless they were to discover my dead body. i am sure your daughter would be extremely sad and scarred for life if you were to leave her like that..my husband may not drink or beat me anymore but he uses cocaine on an extreme level so he is no help, although he maintains a good job emt-p), that isnt enough. in contrast to people with bipolar disorder, people with major depression remain on the down mood pole; they do not exhibit mood swings. to that my husband is addicted to painkillers and i just can't stand one more minute of that either. i hold myself responsible for my parents splitting up i dont know why but i just do. february 2007, i lost my job as a support worker following allegations from a service user.'m not sure what i'm suppost to say about it other then the fact that i always seem to be upset and having days were i want nothing but to end my life..all in all we're good, but couldn't things be a bit better than this? must be watching too much of the high school graduate, second rate actor tom cruise. some people express their sadness in physical ways, and these individuals may undergo extensive and expensive diagnostic procedures and treatments while their mood disorder goes undiagnosed and untreated. i think that i have depression cause i have the same smytoms and its ruin everything i lost my wife and i dont want to lose my kids. until this past year and a half my family has been there and been very supportive. then my parents got back together we moved into a house with my uncle and my brother took my room so i had to share one with my parents. 19 now and i feel like i should have this all figured out and i don't. instead of picking up the pieces and getting another job i became immobolized, losing my apartment and sinking into a severe depression. i have talked my friends out of a friendship becuz of this. all of my relationships have failed, and i dont know what i can do to fix myself. i wish you all the best and i hope things improve for you., i know no one wants to hear it and it sounds like a "woe is me" attitude. but what iam mad at the most is this f*&king disease. i don't know if anyone will even read this,or if i will even be here to get a reply, i don't look as god let me down, for i have let the lord down, may the lord forgive me, and other's like me. don't buy into the idea that your resultant depression is caused by a "chemical imbalance. hated myself my life my ex husband and some times my parents and sister too. you can only control yourself and doing that is actually a big job these days. the incorrect label adds to the persecution which makes my life beyond miserable. is how it works in the movies: the man does nice things for the lady - buys her dinner, presents - and the lady likes him in return. my case, i am reaching out for help as well. don't think i don't know the pain this ghastly disease causes. i do not want to go to a therapist because i am paranoid about how it could possibly affect my future. my best friend walked past and looked at the conversation and said 'why is it always about me, why cant she leave me alone? i've just signed up to this website and live in the u. if you feel like they will not want to hear from you then talk to someone in a chat room or some other website like myspace or facebook. i always feel left out when im with my friends, but they dont understand and realise. i dont want to become a burden, i know one day they will notice how different i am, and it will affect my family life. with mama and daddy gone (and a betrayal by my only 2 family members left - 2 cousins - right in the middle of the 3 years that i was priviledged to be the primary caregiver of my mother), there's no longer any reason to keep trying to "live. there are no hotlines as well as a good psychologist in my place. some days i believe that i am invincible, i will beat this and i will be better others i am choking down a prescription, a little pill taunting me with lies of ‘everything will be alright’.'s why i wrote the tao of dating for men. smart people created nearly everything that i value - beethoven's late string quartets, my hp laser printer, feynman's lectures, four quartets, and zippy (my prius*). got into her car quickly and backed up hitting me on my knee with the bumpers of her car. it feels like i need to be fixed, but i know i can't do it myself. understanding the meaning for having more than one name for disorders such as mdd, as well as others can help students like myself and others. 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When your ex is dating an ugly girl

im so stressed out i am always thinking about every little thing thats wrong in my life. it kills, it hurts, it ruins families and friends but unlike cancer finding help for depression is hard.. so dont lose hope and if you need any help contact a psychiatrist and or health care professional who can help you if have any questions you are welcome. i am sorry for those of you who experience physical symptoms but most of you sound obsessed with yourselves. i am 41 now and am sometimes suprised that i have lived this long. "have you ever experienced all of these feelings at the same time? i knew the holiday was going to be boring like it was the past three christmases, away from my family, so i was just like "wow. they were forth graders and they would call me ugly and stupid.? because ive managed to find fabulous friends that understand, had three children that love me,no matter where i am mood wise and managed to educate myself along the way. the agency asks for so much and doesn't offer a liason if someone is stuggling on their own. none of my friends or even my girlfriend at the time came to her funeral to support me. no matter where i go or what i do, someone will be pulling around their little thunderstorms to rush over my head. it is a set of feelings that express a sense of emotional comfort or discomfort. to all of you that feel like life is over, that nothing is worth the effort.!Hello my name is rachel and me and my husband jay used to have lots of fun together but then something bad happened our daughter died of sids and we sepperated because of it but about 2 months later got back together and everything was fine until i got pregnant again only 4 months after her death i was scared and still am but i put her in her place so i would be able to raise another child but jay has become a monster he was fine for the first 6 months but turned he would yell at my and say that he wanted to get a devorice and that our baby wasnt his and he wanted nothing to do with her for 2 weeks i put up with it non stop and went into premature labor he then told me that i should give her up while she is in a hospital fighting for her life i refused to give up my new daughter and went to be with her 2 hrs away from home while he stayed at home and did nothing he doesnt work he sleeps all day and he wont talk to anyone in his family but his mother and they are a very close family he ssaid that he want a dna test i said fine and asked what he was going to do when the test said that she is yours and he told me that he was going to kill himself and told me 3 different ways he would do it i dont want him to die i just want him to be the dad he used to be and be there for his daughter so please if you have any advice i would be very greatful to hear it..i am taking 50 mg of paxilcr and feeel this bad still please someone help me. and i hope you see that life is more inportant then things that go wrong in your life! then she wrote me this nasty letter with all these lies and accusations about me that weren't true. because honestly, the first thought that is on my mind when i go to bed and wake up is cutting. i hadnt realized how much i missed my family until i came here and got all depresed and stuff. my son and his girlfriend invited me out tonight for the first time in two years. sometimes i think i'm crazy but seeing stuff like this reminds me what crazy actually is and this i definately am not. spouses, children, parents, siblings, and friends of people experiencing major depression often experience frustration, guilt, anger, and financial hardship in their attempts to cope with the suffering of their friend or loved one. i tried to change my image, my life style, my work but nothing seems to be working - nothing fulfills me. because there was an investigation carried out by the police that this information is on my c. want to hurt myself for what i let happen to myself. i have been struggling with this for my whole life,(and im 30) and it only recently occurred to me that faith is what everybody is crying for. so, what i suggest you do is to start with your school guidance counselor to whom you must tell everything, including the depression, self harm and, i bet, suicidal thoughts. i look to the sun and clouds but only see dark and sadness through my tears. i started a small business and now is expanding for another 1. so he's bewildered when the jock/frat boy gets the girl and he does not. i was on cymbalta and then on zoloft and both never changed my outlook on life. today i can embrace myself and continue to make progress so i can finally live. i was a little girl(about 7 or 8) i would always see my dad hit my mom. lets be clear i work do not collect any services i do not drink or do anything i think thats disgusting being from a family of alcholics and my favorite brother is dead from drugs also a product of the cps doing a great job. if your well-being, your personal life, your family life, your peace of mind is sacrificed on the treadmill of work, you don't have much left over. it is a lot easier talking to someone who knows what you are going through. i wasn't able to see him at all for a long while his family came and talked to my family and tried to work something out then i could only see him 3 times a week only in the playground around the corner of my house. things only people who were raised by really strict parents understand. you have to try everything- meds, exercise (which helps alot-- this from girl who can sit her ass on the couch all day..even though i know if i keep putting it off and only talking to my therapist once a week that i'm only going to get worse. i also have fake memories from my childhood the only difference is they are happy memories. my solicitor advised me to accept this offer, stateing that no price was worth a reference. i want to lead a life outside my mental illness. when you feel so awful you break one of your own limbs (intentionally) as the pain is less than your mental pain and you cannot physically move or dress or wash for a week then this is the real deal. 7 months ago my mom died after an 8 year battle with cancer. this feels like a dream something i see in the movies and i am waithing for the director to say cut, but there is no director when i look at the chair and the set is empty and then it hits me this is my life and back to reality i come! i just feel that in the need to stay and try to fix her, i may have caused myself to get some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder in trying to fix her. have a three year old daughter and that is the only reaon i believe i have not killed myself. apparently 10-15% of people with bpd kill themselves as it is the worst type of mental illness to have to live with, i have antipsychotics (make me fat) and antidepressants (used to work. finally made it home, but that experience has left a gaping scar in my memory ever since.!Wow i never knew their was so many depressed people in this world!) i know this is a very long message and for those of you who read it all i congratulate you. thinking of tomorrow (because thinking any further is either impossible or an impending disaster) is a chore. the drop that will someday release and i will fall to my death.. i am alone about 95 percent of the time, have no one really to talk to about my feelings or anything else for that matter, i think about just swallowing a bottle of pills and laying down and going to sleep for good. its only been a few days so far this time. like i told my father on many occasions "you can't change the past, but you change the present and future". free of my fears of being forgotten by every friend i've ever had. is more than just sadnessdepression is complex and affects many areas of lifea continuum of mood statesdepression has widespread effectsunderstanding depression. almost a year ago, i was talking to my best friend's sister on video chat. while i often wanted to be dead, i rarely thought of suicide because i know if i did it, my mother would certainly do it as well (she also suffers from depression) and i could never do that to my sisters. besides dealing with my own problems having worked only 12 out of the last 14 months because of this downward economy, losing my car, my apartment, and serious problems with my boyfriend who i was living with at the time i lost my apartment." other mood-related conditions will be explored, including bipolar disorders, dysthymic disorder, anxiety disorders, seasonal affective disorder, mood disorder due to a general medical condition, substance-induced mood disorders, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, schizoaffective disorder, and personality disorders. for a web page written on the basis of understanding depression to allow the comment (paraphrased) 'enjoy your life or stop living it' is the height of irresponsibility.: "f*ck it" all you need is the motorcycle and the stereo system. that she needed to take meds and helped her through on several episodes, since all of her family had abandoned her and do not talk to her, unless she calls. see's a dr for her deprssion once ever three mths for half an hour which is not alot of time for somebody who has tryed sucide 10 times there is only so much i can do to help her i have my own family to look after now and i have tryed my bestthe only question i have left now is how many times does somebody need to hurt themselves before somebody helps them does it take this wahat she has done? i also like drawing, or splattering paint all over paper, to express my feelings, and then i stack it away. i'm not slow and i'm not dim, but this depression is overpowering. have battled this disease for 17 years and have been hospitilized twice recently all my family and friends have grown tired of this (and rightly so)i am trying to just "buck" up and carry on but just cant! i am so scared that i have serious emotional issues that i will never resolve. i am terrified that without the support of my ex-boyfriend that i will slide down hill again and not be able to get out of bed. when i try to read for class, my mind drowns out everything and i can't concentrate. but i think there has been a fundamental shift in that my children have taken on my wife's hate of me. plus seeing wounds makes me feel like the emotions i'm feeling are real, and that they arent just made up in my head.' (i had asked his sister if he was going to training that night) then that started making me lose confidence in myself. main part of the cause of depression is related to diet animal base diets induce more mental and brain disfunction than anything else fried and fatty foods are the worst. i feel like im having an out of body experience constantly, i dont eat much, im scared of meeting people who are my best friends, im lonely and im confused. i think i might give therapy another try -- it was comforting having someone to talk to, an ally -- someone in my corner. borrowing quotes from movies and trying to sell yourself as “your future ex boyfriend. my wife's father sexually penetrated her in both places from the time she was two years old. now things are going well at work and my boss likes me. i know that i need to protect myself too so that i don't take it too personally if things change. even on the days i feel really good something will happen (whether something goes wrong or i "think" something is wrong) and bam i'm wanting to crawl in a hole and die somewhere. it's like something physical is stopping me from doing that.:i am the victim of profound bullying in relation to custody for my son. i had a great group of friends but i pushed everyone away, never slept, never left my dormroom, gained fifty pounds. as each moment goes by you have a choice no matter what your situation is to is, let go instead of attach, to love instead of hate, smile instead of frown and so on. it doesnt help that my bf mother looks at me like im a little kid and doesnt think im a good mother when i have a better job then she does and i make more money! i would estimate that this would be even greater if the profession had the criteria and skills to not label victims of perpetual psychological and emotional persecution as "depressed" either through the experience of stressors or bio-chemically. out the books the tao of dating for men and the tao of dating for women. i've suffered from major depression all of my life but always blamed it on other things. so basically there is no help and we are all just left to rot..there are excellent medications such as fluoxetine that l helped me with my problem. i love her so much but i hate this disease! i'm don't know how long i can go through something like this. i feel that i will never be depression free during my lifetime. i hope that everyone on this site feels better really soon. disorders rank among the top 10 causes of worldwide disability, and major depression appears first on the list. antidepressants in pregnancy raise risks for mental woes in kids? every thing i every liked is fading away i'v grone to live only to go to heaven i have no care what hapens to me now. the block is there forever and no one remove it. please offer a referral to a mental health professional who has expertise in bullying and can identify the wrongness of what is being done to me as opposed to trying to falsely find what is wrong with me, which only adds to the hurt and pain, as well as further bury me in the falseness which keeps me from obtaining custody of my son for his and my benefit of our relationship and to save him from the horror of humanity as embodied in his mother and her family. not today, not when modern treatments give people their lives back and when there are new and exciting developments in the field. i can keep awake i cant do much, there is much anxiety and fear. i am trying to seek medical help at this time. free of feeling like the world has no use of me for my crippled joints. or that if i do-- and this is almost worse-- i'll fall again. i also do not get excited over things that used to be important to me. my husbands family include people that are judgemental and self-righteous. have experienced issues with depression since i was 9 years old, and am 20 now. when i was in my 30s and even 40s i was still slapping convienent labels like 'nut job' on people (such as my father) that deserved my support. one person in this comments list talked about how she doesn't know who she would be without the depression. with life on a daily basis is a huge struggle. i wake up thinking about cutting myself and i go to bed thinking about it. i am also left with a huge depression, by this void. quick view into me: mother at 16, 17, 19, married to high school sweetheart, father abusive and wrote me off at 14 he passed 3 years ago, mother who had weight loss surgery and went crazy in the head and leads a destructive life which don't include me unless she is in a mess, only sister survived breast cancer, daughter with health problems and a crazy boy friend, son has bipolar and says mean horrible things about me that are not true, care giver to mother-in-law (a thankless job), father-in-law passed away last year, lost good jobs because of the failing economy and overwhelming stress, going deaf from meniere's and frequent bouts of infection, and no health insurance for myself. this last time was due to trying to help a grand-daughter by letting her move in. on the other hand, i was lucky to grow up in a family where we talked about issues. lot of people say life is great and so precious. is helpful to think of mood states as occurring on a continuum. then my sister came back and she would sleep with me and sometimes my mom. i kept looking at his ad and was really drawn to his name and no one elses. everyday i have a poison secretly on my side, nobody knows, and on the regular places i go, i have some poison also hidden there. and then there is my mom, another angel, her prayer's and friendship have got me this far, the pysical pain that i endure each day is beyond what i can handle anymore! all you have to do, maybe before bed or after waking, is sit quietly with your eyes closed, taking deep breaths. i now see a therapist to get through me days. my life is good, but the bad things stick out like a sore thumb and brng me down. and having to ask one of those kinds of questions is very difficult. if anyone is out there please let me know what i can do to fix the problem so i can go on to live a happy fullfilled life. tonight was the very first time my son showed rage he got mad at me for yelling his name down the stairs to make it over his earphones as i had called him 3 times already and he ended up punching a hole in my bedroom wall after he came up the stairs with attitude and i said forget it then. the discompassionate healthcare on that base nearly did me in too. i cannot think about it if it is always just there in my head. i have a wonderful family, a job, extended family, no fights, no quarrels, house, god, sufficient income, etc. right now i just want to be able to get a job and not lose it due to missing too much work. have suffered with this debilitating illness for the last 30 years. thoughts of loneliness permeate in my mind while i'm trying to sleep. maybe it's the apathy we have is the reason as we are the only group that will not have the will to help ourselves. i just read today that mental illness in general is america's leading medical cause for lost time at work. if you repeatedly send pics of your junk or keep spamming them with a dressed up offer for what would be – let’s be honest –  a regrettable hookup, you will not only look like a tool, but run the risk of getting banned. if there is one thing that will get me out of this slump it will be to get out there and kick some arse so we the depressed can have some kind of hope. i dont want to, but i cant stop myself from just drifting right into that thought everytime like clockwork. for most of my life i was a walking zombie. the place i'm at now is trying to accept my many limitations and just live with it, and not put myself in for anything too stressful. if there were a dating bible for the smart man, these would be its commandments:1. by the way, my mother did have a chemical imbalance and self-medicated and both grandmothers, one had shock treatments way back when and the other apparently self medicated for awhile until my grandfather put a stop to it. this thing i have what ever people call it has been there for years ever since i can remember! 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My ex is dating a fat ugly girl

what is wrong with the mental health profession for its failure to train its clinicians to identify victimization as opposed to mentally ill? by that time i was just done with caring bad thoughts would instantly pop into my brain. the pain is real, and sometimes while praying for others and myself i will wake from prayer in shutter desperation, the hopeless feeling of. years ago, family was number one and it satisfied people but now it is money, job, anything else. i am not allowed to see my firstborn grandson because his parents see me as a pollutant who will damage hank. are the things that have help me through my dark times.! i personally am not religious, but for those of you that are, god (or whatever your religion) isn't going to cure depression by themselves. wake up at least 3-4 times at night and i have dark under my eyes i sleep about 7hours on weekdays and 9hours on weekends. it was the only time in my life that i got depressed: poor sleep, suppressed appetite, kafka. i also have a brother whose captain of the basketball team, always has a bunch of friends, he is obviosly my mom's favorite., things like walking outdoors everyday, exercising at the gym, music such as clean classical music, prayers, holy book reading (whatever your religion), proper food prescribed by a nutritionist or doctor, and helping/praying for someone less fortunate than you help tremendously. i cant sleep and its making me crazy i have my own bussiness and am finding it hard not to fall asleep during the day at work and cant take any time off help! don't you want to travel and see really beautiful things in this word. people that have a great husband, great kids, a nice career, friends i don't have any of this and therefore have plenty of reason to be depressed. an extensive list of local and national treatment providers, both. it seems the times in my life where i remember being happy, i was always doing something for somebody who really needed it and with a world like ours where helping somebody else just without personal gain or an alterior motive is so rare. if you have this disease or one very similar, i would really appreciate some feedback. eventually they did something but by then it was to late the thoughts were stuck in my brain and i never forgot them. i have thought of suicide, sometimes it looks like the world broken down under my feet without reasons. how it seems that the world is out to get you. i just lost a 13 year old niece due to suicide, she must've been extremely depressed and no one woud've ever thought she would take her own life. this makes me wanna die even more cause if i wasnt here then noone would have to deal with me. i had to live in that toxic environment for five years before i got my own apartment. my sister is affected by my bpd and she has a lot of frustration., depression and other health issues: is there something to be gained from illness? i was doin my work one day and boom it happened like something exploded in my head. i remember fixating on death and killing myself at the age of five, and not just threatening to hold my breath untill i died because mom wouldnt give me a cookie.! family disputes etc i kept throwing back into the back of my mind but now its like my mind has gone into flip mode and is saying here deal with it. could write a synopsis of my experience to "qualify" me, but what good does that do and to whom? dialectical behavioral therapy (dbt) is a recommended and now widely available form of therapy designed to help with self-injury and suicide problems. we are so trapped :'( and i am so looking forward to telling the devil i punched the wall to try to prevent further pain for my son that should be fun i think the devil should be home in the next day or two tick tock tick tock. my devil husband durring this time however had started working for a change in fact he is making over 4 thousand dollars a month as he was showing me the money when he got it but i was still working ft graveyards then so i never got to touch a penny at about the same time my daughter climbed out the window durring a blizzard, for which i have never seen a pay stub or t4 for the past two years he pays our rent but waits for hydro to be a disconnect before paying it we have had no gas for over 2 months at my older daughters request i quit the graveyards so that i could be awake and alert for her durring the day but she waited for me to quit then took off now i work where i have been struggling to feed the other two teens on 2-3 hundred bucks a month since last november he wont help me with anything else now that he has stolen pawned sold or destroyed everything i have ever owned that had value he only comes home 1 day a week and yells at my son i dont know why maybe cause it makes him feel like a man or part of the family he cant be bothered to be part of my son is the apple of my eye untouched by cps he doesnt smoke or drink or do drugs like my girls do and he goes to school no problem my biggest hassel with him is getting him to go out with friends he doesnt want to cause he doesnt want to party like every one else does. she is also an alcoholic therefore its a double wammy. and like i said, the psychologist thing isn't really working. i can not afford therapy (hell it's hard to even pay for school at times) so i try to read up on as many disorders that may apply to me without being bias. my 25 year old daughter told me the best thing that could happen to her is if i would kill myself. they said, "oh, well, i have days when i'm depressed too, but i just force myself to do what i have to do.. it was horible at first but then, for some weriod reason i felt like that place was my home becuase i meet new people and it was kinda nice. are needed) because once the body really breaks down it is not easy at all to recover. when i became 13, me and my family moved out, but i still lived in a world of darkness with cold blood in me. just broke up with my girlfriend who i have been living with and going to school with. what do i do and how to i save myself. came across this site to print out some information for my husband to get the help he needs. being able to reach out to people you dont even know and telling them the honest truth, is just amazing. i know i will go down again and again and again but the best bit about being at my lowest point, when i cant even function, because that is when i know that the only way is up! now my mom has a rare disease that starts with a m, but i dont really know what it is called. then to add to it i think that i need some help myself. know it's fashionable amidst the smart set to be dissatisfied with yourself and to keep striving for more, bigger, best. i didnt know it was depression b/c it was something i only experienced alone in my room. i then got on my knees and cried for hours. tao of dating: the smart woman's guide to being absolutely irresistible. i feel like i exploit my father to much and this whole epidose is causing him to much pain. after that i would always sleep with my mom beacuse i would cry at night wanting my sister to come back. was eventually diagnosed with major drepression when i was 14, i am now 19, after attempts to end my life. i hate the stupid people who don't understand this debilitating and murdering illness and think that the person "just needs to show some strength and get some exercise" or "don't be so weak. i also have a daughter that i refuse to leave alone in this crazy world that we live in. some of what some of you have been told is depression, is more likely the natural result of being treated like crap. i would do anything to get my niece back and have just one more day with her. every day thoughts go through my head on how i should do this. i think this one rumor has affected my employability in this fairly small town more than i could have imagined, since i grew up in a very large city. do i deal with the negativity and unexplainable resistance of my daughter in law to leave my grandchildren with their grandparents for even an hour? i may not know you but i do care and the things that i read in this forum sadden me greatly and i pray for all to be strong and safe and to survive this illness that plagues us all. i cant afford treatment and i make to much for assistance. it is very difficult to have relationships with this illness. now im functioning better, i made this positive even though i am negative. i have a history of depression in my family and can't keep a job, i am having trouble with my memory, and just can't feel any hope. we now are curently living with my aunt as im typeing right now. i cant bring myself to cry for them although i know that i should be grieving right now. feel like people just look at me like i'm crazy because i feel this way. my opinion depressed people seem to react more dramatically to "day to day" events like bad news. some time last year, i realized that i am just going to except this illness, become 1 with it and live day by day the best i can. the guilt that i have passed on to my daughters the recipe for failure. i can't do this unless someone helps me with this horrible head of mine. what i do know is that i am a very selfless person and i would do anything that i could to help someone so for you to say that we are selfish is not an accurate comment.  after school today i just broke down, i can't do it anymore and i am so comforted by peoples stories,  i think it doesn't make me feel any better but when i know that people are experiencing the same things as me there is some relief. i feel so empty, all i think about is making this pain stop!.i have been over and under medicated, can't get any help-ran out of effexor when i switched provinces and just had to do the straight withdrawal (embrace the tingle-twitchy thing). you will get through it though, i found studying psychology as a hobby helped me to learn more about it and understand what i can do to help myself. i know how hard it is when depression has made it hard for you to even want to brush your teeth let alone fix your self to be attractive and friendly toward others. i never wanted to go outside, cos i felt i wouldnt be accepted, i never wanted to hang out with my family, cos every litle thing they did hurt me, and i was sick of it. problem is when you don't care if you croak off. lost my job because of it, i smoke pot several times a day because of it, my family struggles so much with me trying so hard. once people arent around me anymore the truth hits, i fucking hate me, i hate the way i look in the mirror and there is no longer passion in my eyes. i look at my scares, they remind what i can do and start tempting myselfsorry this was an essay and sory if i did or said anything wrong or out of context. life just seams boring to me, i am tired of it even though i am young and have alot coming, but it all just doesn't seams worth living for, i know my familiy and friends love me thats why i never told them i guess. clearly you know what i am going through, a seemingly pointless depression, considering not much is actually wrong in my life. like, i have a sister that just seems to be little miss perfect. i have made some poor decisions during my life so far. name is christian i just have some questions , four years ago i just to do mariguana , one day i was n a party and drink beer all nite long i didnt sleep for that whole nite , after that in the morning , i had some mariguana then i felt so different i was feeling my hearth pound so fast and hard, i got scared and told my mom, at the time i was 17 years old now im 21 i feelt like i got a panic attack and felt like dying, like i was gonna get a hearth attack or something , my mom took me to the hospital the doctor gave a pill and a vaccine to help calm my self to put me down from the mariguana effect and i was so calm , but after that happen i was not the same anymore i felt scared all the time i had alot of panic attacks, anxiety, fatigue, stress, alot of symptoms, that wont go away i dont know what i have i been sufering for 4 long years allready, and is getting worse i think i like im dying feel depress, feel like is not me i cannot control my toughts , and feel dizzy like im gonna lose control of my self and go crazy theses sensations feel so horrible, i feel like i dont love or care about no one it feels like im high all the time , that i havent sleep or rest for years , i feel my brain so heavy , i always think that i shouldnt of born or excist in this planet my stomach always hurts and have diarrea , when im meeting a new person i feel so nervous all the time my hands get cold and sweats, my hearth pounds so hard that i feel it in all my body it shakes and many more symptoms i dont know if this is is related to depression , i lose weight i went to the emergency room at the hospital they check me all and told me that i had depression,stress,and anxiety, but i never got a treatment or something to help me i just ignored but now my pain is worse , i had been like this now almost for 5 years today i was driving i was feeling like i was gonna past out like i was so high but i dont drink or do drugs anymore , i just want to know if this symptoms are related to a chronic depression , thanks and god bless everyone. i've always been to scared to do anything about this and just wished it would go away. this comming from a guy who lives at home with his mother and father who shelter him and do everything for him. until this happened she had always been there for me. i will be graduating next december and i've always been a very laid back person that enjoys the smaller things in life. i am more determined than ever to make it in this world but i should not have to live with this hell. school and working has been difficult, but along with my depression i also possess a very strong drive to succeed as i am afraid of failure and being judged as such and so i've kept pushing through in both areas. i told him i that it is over and i want to move out. check was being garnished every week from debts my husband and i both owed. and when my mom came out, she came out with my sister and they both were crying. the crux of the problem is that my wife's family appeared to be like the cleavers, but they hid a terrible secret.'ve just had 9 months of psychiatric assessments- i have 2 psychiatrists and a doctor..This section will focus mainly on major depressive disorder (mdd), commonly referred to as "major depression" or simply, "depression. my stomach would hurt every night knowing i had to go to school in the morning. i've talked to a couple of my friends but i can tell that they really don't want to hear about my problems. the thing is we have an illness there's no cure for it but there is help avaliable. my older of the two girls had been on the streets for pretty much 3 years by that time so even the simple rules of just go to school and be home on time or let me know so i dont worry was just to much for her and she took off. and i know i shouldn't-- she's my mom, i love her-- but i can't help myself from feeling the need to shout or snap or scream.'s like i'm in this deep hole and no one there to help me. made me realize things and see things differently in my life. we don't even talk now and i just feel very unhappy and i just find myself crying half the tym for no reason. point is now i know that i am on a path to being happy again. i promise you that if you talk with your friend that you had a falling out with, you will feel better, i know its a scary thing but, i had the same thing happen to me, and still to this day, its been 6 years, i think about her and always wonder what if, and trust me its not worth it. she was very loving to me and one of the best girls, i have seen on her good side. i needed to learn how to forgive and especially forgive myself. i have cronic constaption so i smelled all the time until around my ninth year of schooling then i got control of that. it is important to speak how feel and not just keep it locked up inside.  i want to make a difference in the world, and i just can't do it when i feel like this. slowly, i caught on that everything i knew about dating and women was wrong. my mom suffers from morbid jealousy which i am the victim of which is quite horrific to handle. with the deaths of my beloved parents 3 yrs ago, everything has gotten twice as bad, although i never thought it was possible to feel much worse than the way i had been feeling for so long. the pain is so hard to deal with because it's all in my head. thats why at times i feel like taking my life or i self harm because i feel i deserve to feel the pain that i have caused everybody. i was very lucky to find a therapist who seems to understand and is very supportive i would hope that you could to before your depression takes you too much deeper. we lived on our own(mom,older sister,me,little brother,little sister) for a while and now she has full cusiudy of us. wife of 48 years passed away 15 months ago and this had made my depression much worse even though i went to grief meetings for 15 weeks and then i went to private sessions for 10 weeks. the main thing i learned was to get said person talking and being a good listener—–reading between the lines, so to speak, as to what the person was really saying. this is when my self esteem began to fall and only continued to fall deeper. in the workplace, depression is a leading cause of absenteeism and diminished productivity. if only the parents knew what an effort it takes for me every day, they would be concerned, i certainly wouldn't let my kids hang out with anyone else as troubled as me! because you finally think i'm going to be free from this horrible world but it just back fires in your face. have forgotten what is important or some probably never knew.'s note: self-injury is frequently associated with borderline personality disorder . a few months went by then she started trusting me again and let me go on dates with my boyfriend out to eat and arcades.! i tryied to take my life 2001 ney years day,took 10,000 mil norco,drank a bottle of teqilla, then hung myself, my son found me,woke up 1 month later after being in a coma, stunned the doctors that i survived. medication is also very helpful and should be considered along with therapy. i just do not know what to do with myself at this point. my mom says, "suck it up, your life is better than a lot of people". but in the meantime, i tried to take my own life and ended up on a medical emergency unit for two day followed by a further two weeks stay in a physiatric ward. when i am doing good i love my job, i get along with people and i am easy going & fun.: does a person have the right to take his own life? my husband passed away and along with fincial problems , im fighting major depression . it is so hard i cant deal with it anymore. i know other people have different situations that lead up to something like this, but i have found it helpful to find some ambition of yours that youve had [mine was writing, and i am going to write great novels and literature] and make yourself get up and follow it on those days where you are just feeling so down and out. i cried my eyes out and felt so embarresed, my life is good, i have money nice vehicles own my home educated great kids and lots of love,,,, but i feel hopeless lost alone and that makes me feel guilty. use the sidebar to explore all pages in this section. no way do the medications cause people to become "zombies" as shaun seems to fear, nor is there any reason to resort to suicide.. every person that i have loved has left me, so i am obviously my own problem. while my brother would watch tv and my lttle sister would be crawling behin us. been refered to a physologist for the lapse in my memory due to the stress and depression all this has had on me. 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at this point, i will never forget the crazy face she had . sometimes i prefer being on my own, and i have to try and stop myself crying. i started to have suicidal thoughts when i was 13, continued to have them throughout highschool, and now have been experiencing thoughts again over the past couple of months. the medication can be confusing because it is not a cure that a lot of people think it is. i do not want to burden anyone with my problems. for soooo long i tried to fight this depression seeking anything to give me some excitement. we are all in the same boat and things like this can't be discussed with just anyone. trouble in the economy has made it more difficult than ever to keep a good job. his reasoning for stealing the rings was that i had mentioned that i would not leave him to spite the cps so in his mind that meant he could do anything and get away with it. there really is much more to learn about out there. is sweet of you,I have been told that i suffer from manic depression and that i am bi-polar, but i have never felt any of the highs that are associated with that. i know that is not normal and because of my actions i am alone. i truly believe it is better for a person to plan and take care of themselves with therapy/counseling, rest, proper nutrition and antidepressants(or whatever meds. also 40 min of daily exercise have been proven to have some antidepressant action. and when i went to this new school, i would eat lunch by my self. i wish i could help you myself, but i can't. does this make the depression go away: no, but at least it slows me down and makes me realize that my thinking is not real. i love my ex-wife(s), my 3 kids, my truck, my job etc, but they often disappoint and hurt me in many ways as we all know to well. the point i'm trying to make is this: as dark as things may be and often are, if you can find the right kind of medication and the right kind of help, it is possible to feel better. i didn't feel like talking to anyone at home, my family wasn't talking to me anyways. i cut myself tonite several times because i just can't deal with all the feelings that i have inside of me. i can not sleep more then 3-4 hours a night(that is total with waking up in between) my body and head hurts non-stop. she did treat me good, but had these angry episodes.. she was ok but when she called for my support for some reason i was so angry, i was so mean. two days ago my thougths were over whelming agony over whys and hows of my life. i keep reaching for something to care about and i spend my money on little things just to make myself happy but it is all a charade. i try to get myself to go, but i always end up going the other way and not making it to school. please don't see this as one of those stupid "snap out of it" posts, and really please don't group this with those bloody "accept god and you'll feel better" posts. in the space of seventeen months i have tried to take my own life, been in hospital, had frequent visits with a physiatrist (1x month), am on medicationfor anxiety and panic and stress, also, medication to make me sleep. i am always happy, but i sit in my room all day blasting music in the dark. sometimes i feel i have no reason to be depressed, cos i dont really have people in my family with heart problems, no boyfriend troubles, not really any sibling troubles, stuff like that. everyone wants money, money, money or maybe fame or acceptance from this group or person. so that was how my life was till fifth grade when girls started spreading rumors and all that so at the end of the school year my cousin/the person i looked up to with all my heart, moved to pampa texas. i'm writing this comment not for my own pity fest, but i just wanted to say something. at the time i would go crying home and tell my mom or the teachers they told me just to ignore them so i tried. i learned to do this when i accepted jesus christ as my saviour and received all the peaceful glory and love that came to me as a result. line is if you're depressed, a depressant will only depress you further still. do not let anyone tell you that you are ugly, fat, or worthless. how can no one in my life be concerned about me? has always been there for me,he was my biggest supporter. have so much to say on this subject,i don't know where to start. i want to find peace, happiness, excitement, and gratitude again. if it was not for insurance purposes i would never go back to a psychiatrist as i don't think they understand depresssion and anxiety like psychotherapist do. every trip ruined, we can't make any plans to do anything because i never know which person is going to be around. most of the time, we just cruise over your profile because you’ve already made it too much work. i look back on life and as far as i can remember felt this emptiness and feelings of detachment for many years. i am getting better now and have discovered some ways to manipulate my moods., i wish all of you who are suffering some relief. recently ive started harming myself again but im trying to keep myself under control due to upeting my family and friends. i love her so much but i hate this disease!. i have suffered from depression for most of my life and didn't even know it. it's hard to explain to people that you wake up sad and go to bed sad.. well anyways i started thinking about using my husbands beautiful, powerful 357 to put me to sleep permanatly, or as i told a close friend to blow my fukin brains out. what has held me back from committing suicide is how badly i know it would hurt others. dont know what i have but will explain my feelings and maybe someone will know. my mother is bipolar, so it seems i get it from her side of the family. yes, living is better than dead, don't you think so? i learned at that time that people that are decades older than i was sometimes never fully recover goes to show how serious the illness is), even for a person in their early twenties like i was. struggling and falling flat on my face no matter how hard i try or how much "praise" i give him is the only thing i have received. i stopped self harming as i realised i was hurting those around me, i've stopped on and off a little bit for about 1 1/2 years.,most ssris contain flouride compounds,which are toxic to glands and organs,specifically the thyroid,and may result in hypothyroidism(suppression of thyroid function)and other toxic effects. i have had mdd for most of my life and i was only diagnosed with it a year ago in april. i just made sure that anytime it would be my last day and i want to be remmebered as a good man, thats why i am hardworking and living a prayerful life. i even have trouble talking to my friends about it but here really supportive. - my insurance is considering whether or not they will permit me to retain their coverage so have been without my cymbalta for nearly two weeks and the depression is horrible as well as dizziness, nausea, etc. i am getting all these suicidal thoughts going through my head at this present time. she has spent so much money on doctors and now that she has a diagnosis, she is spending so much money on perscription drugs. if that wasn't enough my own son cursed me out and my aunt is trying to take all of my moms inheritence. as a writer it is a sin to commit a cliche, and "dont give up hope" is a cliche. it followed me during my working years even though i was able to funtion. i had atleast 1 year of major depression episodes with no sleep at all betwwen 4 periods off and on. not only do i cut myself, but i bite the inner part of my lips, tear at my gums, peel my lips, pull my eyelashes & hair, tear the skin by my nails off, and pinch myself just to name a few. just know that someone who was irrational, self harming, sleeping eighteen hours a day, paranoid, hallucinating, full of self hatred and self disgust, is somehow miraculously making her way out of it and finding herself again, and that means that maybe you can too. somehow over the last four months, i've been finding my old self again. reading your comment, it reminds me so much of myself when i was your age. this disease doesn't allow her to have any hope at all so it is a constant state of hopelessness. it is a monster that eats at me, sometimes calling out seductively, preaching of freedom and choice and love, but i see the monster behind the mask. i am so angry that my life has turned out the way it has because i had so much potential. im ready for my heart to be whole again but at this point it never will. i have even thought and caluclated the amount of days it would take for someone to find my decomposed body (2 weeks). i was ignored to the point that i really felt invisible, and still do sometimes. so get help if you can, and i want to say i know how hard it is, just please try. just always remember that there is always someone out there somewhere that thinks of you every day whether you know it or not. to top it all of, compared to the rest of my immediate family, i'm fat. i eventually had to tell them and felt extremely embarrassed about it. my mom, my poor mom, has become an almost regular target of my agitatedness. can anyone give me a reason to keep going day after day with disappointment after disappointment and nothing to look forward to, and no joy or happiness? if you have this disease or one very similar, i would really appreciate some feedback. that is why i started making art in the first place, because it was a way out of that. i think children instinctively seek me out - as i understand how nice it is to just be loved and have a meal and be told to wear your mittens when it's cold. the boss tied to depression risk for women, but not men. no siblings, no children, my husband and i have been separated for 12 years. my mom didnt have a job so she was struggling finacliy. if you're beginning to hear things that aren't there and if you're already paranoid, cannabis will only make these worse. was raised by a alcholic drug addict father and a mother whom in the 1950 s had over 200 schock therapies and a frontal bore hole labotomy as a diagnosed pszophrenic. but now this is where i start to feel like my sister. people are puzzled by the term "unipolar depression," which is another term for major depression. i've been told by a few of my friends that i should seek help, but i just can't. should i tie a note around my neck that says-once again you get your way- and blow my head off in her yard. i do understand how everyone feels with this, exercise, good food, maintaining occupied with work and/ or study and getting out and meeting with friends may help quite a bit, besides therapy and medication. makes it worse is my husband of over 30 years is tired of it. try convincing yourself each day to do something for your enjoyment and try to have realistic expectations. we are still married 27 years, she refuse's to understand depression, tells me just to get on with my life,end of story! the pain has become so unbearable that i have begun to cut myself. only time will tell if my wish will ever come true. the only thing that has stopped me is there is no make sure that my children will be safe. some of you do sound a little "woe is me, life's soooooo mean" however. please if anyone has the same experiences, or has any idea of what i should do, or thinks that i have or anything, please reply. i was always writing in my diary " i want to die, cos blah blah blah" you know? should i let go and wait for her to come to me with a plan or should i take some kind of actions (ie research being the poa for her so that i can sell her home for her, sign her up for disability, help with her finances)? you feel alone, its surprising how different you might feel when one person knows what you are going through. so far i have used: knives, scissors, keys, tweezers, and my own fingernails. i am 23 years old and i am in the last year of my degree at university. i no longer knew the person i had become and i would look in the mirror asking myself when will kim come back? then i put my self down with xanax and kolonopin. i have hit rock bottom and all i want is to die! i guess the reason i'm posting, is to try and offer help to you. despite that i went on to college and worked my whole life until i went on disability six years ago. last year 2008, right around my birthday, she decided that she wanted an "official" relationship, meaning more serious and closer. i felt like may be changing my veiw on others would change the surroundings and the task that i perform. we are tired of convincing you that we love you and your life is beautiful -exactly the way that it is. we have 3 children 4 years ago after much fighting and arguing with the devil to stop the cops did a raid on our house accusing my husband of trafficing because he smokes a lot of pot my 3 little children bore witness i had to keep them away for several hours while the cops trashed and destroyed our home then when we got in i had to fix them dinner, repair the house and put them to bed while their dad was taken to the cop shop that night i also started my first night graveyard shifts at a new job. it’s like a never ending battle, a shadow that constantly tends to drift into my life. prescriptions can do some things but they do not get to the heart which is what is broken in depression and cannot beat its way out. like, dont tell a child who wont understand a thing, or someone that will feel its all their fault that you feel this way. now 2yrs later, 3 hospitalizations, 5 pyschiatrists, electric shock treatments, all different meds, he is negative about everything, never happy, severe hypochondriac, physically a shell of the active person he was. stretching is a great release for stress (maybe after waking or before bed). i have suffered from this depression and anxiety most of my life. i feel this way because i have been in mental health therapy for the past thirty years. i love my kids they are what keeps me alive at this time. last time i was in a deep depression i was able to find a way out but this time feels much different and heavier than the last time. and if you decide you don't want to - then kill yourself with a single bullet in the brain and do it way the f*ck out in the country where emt can't get to you - because failing suicide is just insult on injury. i thank god for my family, i thank him that he has got me this far. my name is brenda and i have been suffering with depression for now 1yr. my sister whom i used to talk to every day does not call me anymore or have time for me anymore. i wanted to do this however i wasn't certain that this is what the money would be used for since i am sure that there are other areas that she is struggling financially with. raw food recipes abound on the interent, and the food is fantastic. under workcomp care that has been so slow that now my knee & ankle well not work. the symptoms your having sounds alot like depersonalization disorder (more about it here http://www. lots of times i think why do i have to have this weight on me dragging me down. in those moments when i think i can get past this with help (as i will not ask for it), i remember she checked herself into a facility. i really do understand how you feel-i too suffered from quite severe depression for nearly fourteen years and tried to kill myself twice as it was awful. and i don't know if this is relevant or not, but i've had diarrhea lately. i'm the most unselfish person that i know and yet could not stop the same distructive thoughts cycling over and over in my head. i just can't seem to keep making myself go on. am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female). those are the girls who aren’t going to message you or reply, btw. she doesn't miss doses and has no issues taking the medications.

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reading the last several messages posted here i became aware that there are some basic misunderstandings about the various depressions and the help that is available. or is it a combination of millions of outside influences that cause the confusion and distortion of what was once thought to be the "normal" world. my father is an alchoholic and not healthy so i try to avoid him. god knows how much i love him and my family, but this is a curse to me. i know psychiatrist might disagree with me about this but this is what i experience with them and i am on 2 different anti-depressants and almost max doasage. but life is about learning and if you don't get through this you will have to learn it some other way and it may make depression look like a walk in the park. i am in a similiar situation and i know how hard it is. i don't feel like i have a home or that i have control over anything in my life. my brother and i weren't close and he commited suicide four years ago. since the 8th grade, maybe even earlier, i always had this sadness and sorrow in me. my whole life revolved around her, and now shes gone. as i was getting out of the taxi, i thought i'd have a bit of fun with the taxi driver by asking him if he wanted a babysitter for his seven children, all boys, and must be able to put turbon on. but as the song goes "i never promised you a rose garden. i have one friend in this world who lives over a thousand miles away and has problems in her own life. am 27 years old, when i was 13 i was taken to a psychiatrist and put on prozac. i not an ungly person but i feel ugly the way i get treated i wish all of us luck in this depression cause it is not easy sometimes its just better to wait for the end . i have no energy to go out, for a very long time i didn't clean my house for over 3 months. me and my family have been through soo much in life. i feel theres something to look forward to for the next day, the next moment. if nothing else be an example of courage and determination for your children and hope like hell they get it someday. i come home and take care of my baby and do nothing but lay around the house. mum has tryed to kill herself her last attempt was only last week and she did almost die she ended up in itu for 2 days and needed to be put on a machine that keepet her alive she was put on medicine to try and counteract the tablets thats she had took after one and half days she woke up and was moved to hdu where she stayed for another four days a doctor asked her if she had planed to kill herself she said yes she has just been moved down to a normal ward where she is so unhapy and she asked me to bring her home. depression has a negative impact on the economy as well as the family system. yet as bad as it is i'm it feels such an integral part of me that i wonder "who am i without a cloud of dismay over me? like getting stuck in a tree at 7 with a freaky looking caterpillar and crying till my grandma got home and helped me out. i just wish i could understand why people want to comit suicide? i also suffer from depression basically my whole life has been a total nightmare and i also have tried many medications that mever work does any-1 know of something that actually works? point is that we should learn to be objective about depression and be realistic about our expectations. i know this is not good and i know i need to be on a anti-deppresant but i have no idea which one and i want to go to work everyday like everyone else. i daydream of being a singer but it's like just putting me to misery. have major depressive recurrent, i am 47 years old and can remember the demons of my disorder effecting me back to 5 years of age. towards the end of med school, i started to read some pertinent books and hanging out with guys savvier than me in this dating realm. john bradshaw, well known psychologist in the 80's made this approach known to thousands/millions. also (i don't know if this is relivant), i am very obsessive about neatness and when i'm very depressed i have been known to spend hours redoing simple things until they are completely perfect. so i'm begging you with all of my heart to please please find help. these things persist despite all the treatment and effort in the world. i think i am at the lowest point in my life. was physically and mentally tortued and sexually abused by my birth mother as a young child, now that i am older i have found myself completely without emotion.’m a girl who has nsa sex with guys i meet online, here’s exactly what i look for in their profile. from the time i was 12 years old, i always told myself i would never cut myself. while the loss of my children has been like pouring salt in a wound as i am now caught in a more serious and pervasive depression compounding the issue that i believe is much more situational, thanks in great part to the legal industry having financial motive to perpetuate such issues, as do most industries. i just keep "thinking about myself" and can't "will" myself out of it. was going through a divorce,working in a factory had to move in with my parents,i also have a son whom has adhd and i was pregnant with a baby from a one night stand. as all i wanted to do was treat him to kfc for a change as with my finances there is no room for treats or extras but i made 20 bucks extra this check and forced a payraise not that it will help much." the truth is, no-one knows what normal brain chemistry is, because everyones' brain chemistry changes moment to moment. the thing is to try to be more optimistic thinking. i still remember that day when my mom sat on the side of the bed waiting for me to go to sleep. i am getting of now as i am going to have 5mins to think this through. if i don't have my kids and grandkids, is there really a good reason to go on living? the funny part is from the outside, no one knows it.  i would think that it has something to do with the expectations that our culture puts on us but how do we solve that? i have seen for months now as my depression, has been a coin flip. people go to work to slave away to make money to pay bills so that they can continue this endless cycle of work, sleep, eat, pay, work. i now realize that just seeing the flaws is not helping me or anyone else in my life. the only personal relationships i have right now are with people from my support group who i find extremely difficult to deal with because of their illnesses. i myself have been coping with major depressive episodes on and off since i was about 17. i can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. and, the world is unfair, yes, but life is not that dull. but instead of boring you with all the details, i have concluded that it is the fact that i have given up on those things i have worked so hard on. whats missing what can i do to help myself, easier said than done! wrote in the psalms, "i would have fainted had i not thought i would see the goodness of the lord in the land of this living". is not easy to open up and just talk about "stuff" that you have never spoken before. i haven't been able to pursue my dreams past a certain point because of that.  i've seen a number of different phycologists and lost most of my friends. i get sick to my stomach, but won't throw up. now contrary to what you may think, i am very outgoing, gregarious, lead in several ministries, very helpful and compassionate towards those in need, i read and memorize scripture. i am so mad at my ex-boyfriend for all his harsh judgements against me and i am so mad at my family for abandoning me. i tried talking to my mother about this but she just dismissed it as 'teenage moodiness' because i'm only 15. my whole life i just didnt feel like anyone rly loved me. i have thought about getting help but my anxiety has gotten the better of me. everyone expects me to do something to help my mother when i can't even do anything to help myself. hope who ever is suffering from depression can over come they and enjoy the things that life offer. i disputed the allegations all the way and filed for a court date. i tried numerous ways to escape my head anorexia and self-harm and currently recieve therapy and anti depressants. it good then its not and so on and so on i am so tired of livin this lie to myself, getting hurt by people that i know that are going to hurt me and all that shit that goes along wih it just being sick and tired of being sick and tiered of all the same old story same old shit i did this to myself becuse why would i be he now. hate to say this, but i am now 26 an wish i at your age had spoken to someone.'ve been searching google for somewhere i could chat about what's been bothering me, while i didn't find what i was looking for which was i guess a chat room with some sort of professional but i think that finding this place was better. sometimes i just want someone to put me out of my misery. it's getting so bad that i've started lying to them about what i'm doing to myself. i am also the one who is always expected to make the compromise if there is one needing made. am a born again christian and my faith has truly helped me to cope with my family and their problems. i have been at uni for 3 and a half years and have had my parents support me etc. she has applied for disability however that process for her is again amplified and seems a struggle to her..last year my father died of cancer, i didnt have a good relationship with my father, after he died my heart is nothing but filled with agony. cps would not deal with us in court untill they had a leg to stand on but as the cops failed to provide them with a leg they were fortunate enough to buy a judge off afterwards who permitted them custody anyways the judge seemed to be stuck on my devil husband not working while i was working. so seek out some good dating resources and put in the same amount of zealous effort that you've put into your achievements all your life, and you will be rewarded. at my swim club i have quite a few close freinds, but not at school, especially now that 2 of my friends have moved school. i just recently quit my job because of the guilt that i feel not being at home. my ma had an accident i am allways scarred something can happen to her. i just do not care about this living process anymore. god loves us all and we are all his children and he will help us all if we allow him to. at 38 ifeel as though i should be on the top of my game. concern here is you all need some answers and guidance in your life, and there is no body answering your calls for help here. i just hope my life gets better for me and my family. i am in one of my major down swings now and while i would never take my life i must say sometimes i feel like a lot of people would be better off with out me. i have come to a point in my life where i just don't care anymore. what is happening to me is there something wrong with me? feel like the only one who really loved me and wanted me here was my boyfriend. im trying to go back to school and fulfil my dream because a fashiondesigner which i know at least i am good at that. when i went to uni i became very close with this girl and we practically used to do things together. it is an illness that is caused by a deeply scarring event, or a chemical imbalance in your brain-people can't help that and believe me, no one chooses to be depressed! i been told numerous stories about people and their cancer but 0 about people and their depression other than this cite. unlike others who suffer from this disease i do not fly into rages, take drugs or take my crap out on others. hoping something will comealong to make me accepted by my friends, some of whom dont care. to them it is all about medication and group therapy, which is the last thing i need. i am 27, college educated, and sleeping on my dad's couch. the country i live depression is not a priority,this is hell,no where to turn or anyone to turn to. my moods are either really low or neutral at best. i tried to take this service user to cout but she declined saying that her health was not up to going to court. its has taken me 17 years of visits to the gp and more increasingly bizarre and extreme behaviour (i broke my own foot, burned myself with a metal objext heated on a cooker, self harmed, abused alcohol etc. her father's sister did the same thing to her husband the generation before, in the same county i might add. perhaps i need to see if the doctor could change his opinion to unipolar. i constantly feel worthless, a failure at my whole life, i have been diagnosed with discoid lupus.. corporations began to exert more influence on pbs programming at that time and his offerings no longer appeared. when would some beautiful girl take me by the hand, look deep into my eyes, appreciate all my wonderful quirks and make out with me torridly? everyone is looking after number one so expecting anyone else to fill the void you have in your life will only lead to disappointment. i feel so trapped, and i know i'm driving myself into a corner more and more-- but what the hell do i do? and around that time my sister and my mom were getting into alot of verbal fights. i am a cerified psychiatric nurse and have had the oppertunity to work some excellent psychiatrists and therapists over the years. i wear my mask very well and i am thankful that i can force myself to go to work everyday i know some people aren't that lucky. my ex has my two girls and moved 1400 miles away and hardly let's me talk to them. dont give up because depression is just part of the picture. you can say quietly to yourself "today is going to be okay, i will get through it just fine.. also, the kids are starting to tease me about my pacing patterns, muttering spirit buddies,not keeping up my appearance and staying up all night. bipolar disorder can be envisioned as a seesaw movement back and forth between two poles or mood states ("bi" means "two").. now i feel so out of place everywhere i go, i want to quit school bcuz i cant focus, i have no motivation & all i feel like doing is sleeping or drinking. partner is very possessive and i dont go anywhere without him for 10 years ., more than ever before, there is real help available even for the most difficult of depressions. they just got worse and worse and it feels like no matter what i do, i wont be able to lift myself up from it. eating something small and healthy before bed, can give you a good night sleep and perhaps a good waking experience. he said that it is too much work for him and he is tired of continuously helping her and her taking things out on him. i believe that we all have to do the hard work of facing things when they arise and making hard decisions even if other people don't agree, after all they're not the one's who will miss out as much as us and our families if we don't take the necessary steps to live a better quality of life. time to substitute your "morose" time for objective time,do anything but sit and think about your problemin my opinion helping others will help you see how trivial one's own problems are. then in august my girlfriend at the time was intoxicated & purposely drove her car off the road & totaled it. they will listen ad they will offer advice and you will always be able to go to them. you should also join some mother's groups and concentrate on you baby, it is harder to be depressed when you are putting you energy into a little human being, but you must always allow time for yourself every day for meditation and relaxation or just doing something you enjoy.. in some way releasing a little bit of tension and in a inquisitive way trying it to see what happens. i hate the fact that everyone expects me to be cheerful and happy. i couldn't get out of bed this morning, but finally did, and am trying to find a way to help myself. i was forced to do things because i could not talk my self out of doing it. its hard to say how much depressed i am and how serious it is thats why i got here, i see a lot of you have it a lot harder then i do. if you can think positively, it is really not dull at all. because they are stuck on the down or depressed end of the mood continuum; they experience a unipolar ("uni" means "one") mood state.! but slowly over a couple of hours every thing that has been wirling around my head, every thing i feel guilty about, every thing i feel angry and sad about, every thing i have tried to hide was there on the paper. my son is deeply affected by all this as i have always taught my children to stick together as parents die and friends go away but they will always have each other so my son seeing my girls they way they are behaving is breaking his heart seeing his mother stuggle in a mentally abusive relation is tearing him apart as he loves his mom and the so called dad shows up just once a week to yell at him or me or tag us both. and my boyfriend had so many fights because i would always follow what my mother would say because i was scared she'd hit me. to ensuate that a large portion of depression is because of diet is ridiculous. kids are funny and dont think of it as turning against you think of it as a defense mechanism it is hard for them to understand too and they have all that energy for other things at that age.

Inside the Mind of a Recently Separated 40 Something Woman

Just discovered that my ex married a fat & unattractive woman

i get along fine with my family but i am not close to them, nor i trust them it's superficial. we try to help each other but it's not extremely successful. is difficult for me as i have never been diagnosed proffessionally regardless in my effort to seek help when feeling alone with overwhelming sadness. i've thought about maybe hospitalizing myself to get 24 help, but i have a 4 month old son that i take care of 24/7 and a husband who is at the military base all day. i think the only reason i'm still here(with my major depression) because i do believe in god and if i end my pain i will burn in hell forever and ever. the reason i wrote this is because i have been through so much in life and im still living. firstly, society as it exists today is centered on making money at all costs. it seems like there is this tape playing over and over again inside my head. although only a minority of people seek professional help to relieve a mood disorder, depressed people are significantly more likely than others to visit a physician., i really need the help and i could not find it on my own. i have no place venting here because i see several of you are in far worse situations then myself. anytime and anyplace somebody needs my help even if it cost my life, (like rescue somebody inside a burning building where nobody can enter) i am just here available. i am having problems with my meds, weight gain being one of them and this insatiable appetite for sweets, and my lack of self will in giving in to that craving is making me so angry at myself, so i still haven't found the perfect med for me, if such a thing even exists, but i feel that i am, even if only in a small way, getting connected with life again. yes its horrible, but i have children that need me to fight this and continue to survive. know ive begun having suicidele thoughts i dont get the sleep i should be getting and have no appatite, ive been beating myself up with hatetride and dont desire the compuney of others. try to explain it to my friends like this: i say, "have you ever had a day where nothing goes right? i would tell you about myself but i see it is all ready posted all over this form. but, again, i am hoping one day i can actually, if not like or forgive myself, then at least not hate myself so much. yet again, i have got a solicitor on the case and the only thing we can do is challenge the wording obtained on my c. mine has been triggered largely in part, lately, from having chronic pain and a weird thing going on with my mouth - burning mouth syndrome. they can usually suggest the next step that all of us need to take. since you feel comfortable talking to your friends ask one of them or all of them to go with you to the doctor so that you can seek the assistance that you need in order to deal with your mood swings.. do this everytime your agitated, it will relax you and make you aware of your body. like no matter what i do, forces (because there's no way i'm in control of my life right now) wont permit me to. one should feel this way, it is the most literal thing i could think of when i imagine the term 'hell on earth'maybe the problem with all of us is we are separated from each other, and the reason we all feel this way is because we want to be united. some days i feel a smile but inside it really is not happy just totally gloomy and down and out. had written a comment on this site a couple of months ago when i had fallen into a deep depressed state. i woke up today wishing i was dead, and i really do not feel like moving on with my life. thrid, i'm trying to get back in school, doing my best to make it work.. i know i will never harm myself to the point of death and i will in fact live with what ever it is i am suffering from and try to live a half way normal life. the next morning i sent my two girls to school trying to keep things normal where the cps abruptly kidnapped them from school on the basis that a cop had called them and said their dad was arrested for trafficing apparently i dont exist. she has finally agreed to do this when she has the choice instead of her being forced to live under a bridge when the bank takes possession of her house. im suppose to be a bridesmaid and i freaked after trying on dresses that i hated and i realized i hate my body, life , my dad, sometimes my friends , and my whole life. i have had sevral deaths in my family with-in a few months apart. i say this to you because i suffer from depression and my husband took me to the doctor even though i didn't feel i needed help. in my life i don't really have problems, but anything i dreamed of and that did happen just doesn't make me happy, i think that even if i would be rich and had a lot of free time and could do anything i want i would steel feel like now. is one of the most debilitating problem,its seems to creep slowly up on you and forces you to confront it somehow i am told it more often that not ,it wins. this poor little girl stuck in my mind as fresh as yesterday, is me after all these long years even though my outside has changed im stil that fearfull 5 yearold little girl inside that wishes to dissapear. am disgusted and outraged that this has been allowed on this site with apparently no consideration of how it may affect individuals in dire need of support. it is nice to hope again, even if it's just a little bit of hope. am a mother of three young girls, and i know that i am making their lives miserable. he calls every time she is hospitalized and keeps saying "she needs to be living with her family (implying myself or a relative that is over 12 hours away)". i keep myself alive simply because i have a mother and my sisters and no matter what scars they have left me i refuse to do that to my family. i don't know why i was born for but i can't live by this way any more. now she lets me out a bit more than before i'm still in a different school than my boyfriend & i want to switch back for my senior year to the school i was in before my mom switched me schools. i have pretty much just living for her, she is my whole world,i breath just for her. i drive over a bridge everyday and i don't think there is one day when i haven't thought about it. with no money and nowhere to live i was forced to live in a supervised apartment where i had to deal with belittling social workers and nurses and people who were far sicker than me. if my boyfriend hadn't walked in on me i probably would have been in a hospital or in a grave.. dombeck's note: i'm not at all sure that this commenter's claims about long term damage and flouride compounds are accurate, and neither am i aware of any amino (acid) treatment for depression other than those mentioned in our alternative mental health topic center. friends are not the type to talk to about it because they have no idea what to say or how they can help me and i just wish i had the ability to be able to get over this but its been about three years now since i've been really happy and every time i smile its one of those fake smiles just to hide what i'm really feeling. i have not met a psychiatrist yet that i feel contected with or understands what i am going through..Ha ha - actually 90% you say is right on - true. have been depressed most of my life but nothing like iam today depression back then wasnt discussed much today im 62 years had to retire from nursing due to chronic back pain.! i kept telling myself to 'get over it' and yet was unable to. have no idea how debilitating this disease is to those that have and those that it affects. it's not an exaggeration, i litterly talk to zero, zero people. i need something that will help me get over this. i am also finding out how difficult it is to talk to peers about my depression, since they do not understand what all of us are going through. don't waste it on trying to change your mental condition, taking meds, exercise, eating health food, psychiatrists and counselors and medical doctors and eastern medicine and western medicine and all the mountains of phenomenal bullshit. i have decided to stop right now and take a brake and return to unii have started to self halm myself by cutting myself using a stanley knife and have also on several attempts tried to slit my wrists but everytime i do the phone rings and i get interrupted. though i cannot yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, it does not mean that it is not there. so she is curesed to to walk this beautiful earth fulled with such barberic things. cut myself i have no idea why, i have been doing this for 2 years now, i am 13. i have done 2 suicides already, first 1 was 7 years old and the next when i was 13. i'm like "well, if its like this, what s the point of me being here? it's a shit situation,i would lterally give up my right arm to be rid of these demons. problem is my brother i can't understand what is going with him hi is in deep depresion nothing is interesting to him he is in bed all the time his brain is ful of yhougts he is very educated he knows a lot and all time his brain in movement i dont know how to help him excuse me for my english. i feel like i live in a fish bowl and that i have no privacy, but i feel alone. 23 year old son refuses to get help for his anxiety attacks and depression., after reading this i do believe that i have unipolar depression. medication only works for so long and than its back to misery. i try to think positive and it works in small ways, but i keep coming back to the same thoughts and when i try to shake them off i actually give myself a headache that hurts like a bitch so now i cringe while i fight my brain. throughout these past two, going on three years now, i've been left somewhat, if not severely isolated in my home. it's my opinion that if a person (that sufferes from major depression) could turn things around by noticing butterflies or praying their guts out or skipping down the road and being thankful for things, they would certainly do so. though im living with theses scares in my heart, it gives me modivation to keep moving on in life and never stop :). to late my fears are so bad i think my heart will explode. have no one to love, no one to love me, i have physical illnesses in addition to this depression which has stolen my life and almost killed me, and i see no hope for anything. we started dating 4 years ago and i never knew she had this problem, she would dissapear for a while and i would not think much of it, when she felt better she would come back to me and we would continue our relationship.'m twelve and my two friends and me are depressed because mostly the world seems so unfair and life sucks. dante, my name is paula and i'm from the u. it is difficult to climb out just like that when someone suggests to you to try to be happy because your emotions and feellings are scattered over the chart. was reading through some of these comments and christians caught my eye. i told my best friend and sister about the depression (i took a major chance, since i'm a very private person), and i think trying to talk to them made it worse. i have two children,my son 25 who is married with a son, he is young and also doe's not understand about depression, he just listen's to mom, and his life is out of control, anger problems. all my anger just keeps building up and i dont know what to do with it. community support assists with appointments, transportation, home visits, inform/link you to resources and keep you informed of your medications and diagnosis. i don't smoke even with the genetic predisposition to do so. everybody sees me as a good person, nobody knows what is really inside of me. i missed a few days in the first semester and all my teachers were like, "you're so bright, but you're ruining yourself with the attendances" and giving me these disappointed looks. well, my mother ended up getting hit by the car as well, because she tried to push me out of the way. the older i got something was always missing, that companion piece. he seems ok, all he wants to do is play that x-box. it is hard to get up in the morning it seems like the anxiety for me starts in the morning before i wake up. simple things that i used to do before with my family. sometimes i wish i were faking this or i was pretending this was happening. after that every thing seemed pointless so in october i tried to kill myself. this level of mood is tormenting to say the least. meanwhile, the "training" i went through was grinding my rapidly deteriorating health down severely. does anyone have any insight about all this pain, thank you to maryanne, and anyone eles who has sent comments. i can't concentrate and it is almost 3 months since it happened. she went wild and finally both girls won their case with the cps and cps actually handed the girls back to us renouncing responsibility but wanted us to go to court for custody.'s strange while i was reading your comment all i could think about is my past, and it honestly scares me to know that not only you but thousands of other people go through these things so young without anyone to talk to. some reason i am always expected to be the strong one and i appear that way to to most, perhaps that is why i always seem to be the one people come to that will help and solve whatever problem it is that is happening right now. trick is to wait for it too lift, say thank you that its gone and grab life before it comes back. my boyfriend broke up with me after i found out he was looking for someone else on the internet. one is saying this is easy but i have found if i can encourage them not to listen to the news and eliminate as much as possible negative input,this seems to help. my fondest dream has been to be a grandpa some day, but this dream has been totally crushed. and then i remeber that one night when i was in my moms closet, my mom was on her bed, and my sister was calling for my mom from inside the shower. depression seems to always be involved in my life, and i can’t remember the last time i felt the emotion of happiness. i have him going to a senior care center & therapist & pychiatist and also a at home nurse. i'm planning on telling my mother soon that i want to switch back but i dont know how. i went to see my therapist who gave me a couple of treatments and sent me on my way! i was so beaten though, that i hoped this illness would show mercy on me and let me pass on. was my worst day of my life for several day i had thought about taking my live but i never got so close to it until yesterday am a us soldier that don’t really have purpose in life anymore i don’t have a reason to keep going . do something, like painting, this in my opinion however simple seem to help. my brother died when i was 16 ,he was schizophrenic but wasnt violent and i saw things no 16 year old should see and i think i also suffer post traumatic stress syndrome too . i saw a psychiatrist (i have three others previously) and he agreed i have severe major depression and switched up my medication.? i've found my community phyciatric nurse quite patronising, telling me if i dont take the tablets i've been prescribed nothing will get better! like i said dont have a horrible life, it is actually great. i have given up on friends, i quit my job, i mistreat my family, and i moved out of my apartment with my boyfriend. and then having my mother come in every other week or so just to argue and stir up trouble is not easy either. if you are a minor, and living with your parents, realize this. she doesn't live with him (he is involved with someone else) however the last time that he and i spoke, i told him that he needed to be very clear with her that he wanted her to move and then he needed to play an active role in helping her. like, i hate going out, when my dad asks if i wanna go somewhere with everyone, im usually like "no. two years after my 3rd divorce and a lot research into self awareness i started to realize why i was so depressed and angry. i am still in love with this man that left me and i can't stand this feeling of lonliness, hopelessness, and feeling i will never be happy again. i criticize myself too much and i need to stop. seem innitially some difficulty in accepting that it exists untill its often too late. my life gets hard too, i am sure no where near as hard as the people that are on this site. you do not have to know how to do this right. i think because it would be too devastating to my parents and children . and lastly, i can't keep the negative aspects of my life out of what i really need to do. i have a good feeling that i will always experience depression. i am affraid of elevators and closed spaces for many years but now something worse is happening. ive actually gotten better,what was my medicine you ask? does this have anything to do with her refusal to let me see my grandchildren? but as you know the challenge starts when you slow down and take a look at yourself and watch your thoughts, your emotions and what your body is telling you. this past summer i went from my usual ongoing low level depression into an even darker place..i can kind of just laugh at myself reading this although none of it is a joke. i think that stress would send me into these episodes.: enjoy the piss out of your life or stop living it - unless you are some kind of guru and you're living with the intent of helping others such that you enjoy your self-righteousness subconsciously - if you're that f*cked up - you enjoy the piss out of that. i know firsthand that depression is the worst thing you can have. wish you all well, and can only say that "by the grace of of god". he ran my utilility bills through the roof so i cant move and hook them up in my name without some miracle of a fortune. i go to school do good for awhile and get easily hurt and humilated by the teachers , cause i missed too much time and am afraid to tell them how depressedi am, i don't want to leave my apartment,it's sometimes hard to get ready and see people and do my schoolwork, my anxiety of being harrashed, made fun and feel too ugly fat and stupid at times even though i know and am talented i just get so overwhelmed and stresses out , and hurt by others acting too good for anyone i know i shouldn't let them get to me but they don't help the way i feel, i ant to die but im scared to hurt myself i want to succeed but can't stop myself from being afraid. please don't give up and fight this illnes with all your might. instead of getting better i spent the whole time defending myself and speaking up for myself.

When You See That Your Ex Is Dating Someone Ugly

I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married | Pop Chassid

proof do you have that an animal based diet is responsible for depression? may be the root of all the dating woes of smart men. but this shouldnt be happening to someone my age to be getting sick so often. is in my body and my heart and it stays with me forever., although i haven't experienced all of the abuse that you have i've experienced enough to completely relate to what your are saying and what you have written is almost to the t what i told my therapist. i feel like no one really cares about me & i am completely on my own. one should feel this way, it is the most literal thing i could think of when i imagine the term 'hell on earth'maybe the problem with all of us is we are separated from each other, and the reason we all feel this way is because we want to be united. maybe i'll be more mature by the end of it, and my friend will accept me again. sometimes we buy a movie, or go to an amusement park, or play videogames to fufill a little thrill in their life, and make themselves feel just a little better, but in the end, that is all it is: a thrill, a distraction from the cycle. recon i m bipolar and hope to learn a lot more from this site.. i am 43 years old have diabetes which seems to get worse, being overweight and addicted to sweets naturally doesnt help my condition, my family in particular my parents just seem to tell me to snap out of it. i think it was a combination of all the different health issues i was having.'m not sure if the reason why all of this is occurring is because about a year ago my mom found out about me and my boyfriend's intimacy, she switched me schools, she hit me really bad the cops were involved the school counselors were involved. what's more, her mother was addicted to a life of leisure and covered up what her husband was doing to her little girl. if i were half-way well, i would spend the rest of my life helping others. i was in the army during the korean war and spent a year in korea. too many people expect someone else or something else to make them happy - world doesn't work that way. i feel like a burden to my family and loved ones. smile and know that someone, somewhere is praying for you to make it through this struggle. i decided i needed to try to be more sincere and instead of wanting to change, i am just getting off my butt and doing it. i just want people on here to know depression has levels- and people who tell everyone they are "severely depressed" might just be a bit blue-- its like panic attacks are not fat teenage girls crying and waving their arms about.(i have been following a famous ladies experience with depression and consequent commitment to a facility. finally we moved into an apartment but them we couldnt pay enough money to have three dogs so we had to get rid of two so of coarse my brother wouldn't give up his so i had to give up my dog the last sense of my happiness. all i think of is suicide, the one person who saved me, my angel, is gone now. i need to stay strong and remember, that i have had beautiful loving girlfriends in the past, who were very nice and nothing at all like this. i have used dexidrine and adderall with tramadol for the last 5 years combined with antidepressants that dont work. she is released she needs to talk to cpn about her problems. oh yeah, i'm losing my religion too, which while it isn't all that important, there's nobody here to stop me from typing it so i'm going to mention it. have lost all my friends, i own my own business and it has slowly gone done hill also due to the economy, i am slowly losing my home due to the economy too. i fight everyday to get up and smile throughout the day, praying that my mind will work somewhat properly. there is no quick or simple answer to 'pull yourself together'. nothing seems to help i know it takes time and i really am trying my hardest to be happy but it just isn't helping. and at the age of 18, i finally began cutting myself. help, maybe some names of anti-deppresants that helped in this area would really be great. when i feel i have no reason to act like i do sometimes, i start thinking, "i wish i had a reason to be so depressed" and then i stop right there. are people with bipolar disorder pushed into the depression end of the cycle because of their diet? i will just have to let myself die inside slowly because as i see it i will never be me again. im verry confused and alone, can i revers this or am i at risk of beeng a threat to my self? sister hasnt cut her self since we were at the shelter but she did have to go to a hospital because she was very depressed..funny how i'm babysitting everyone's kids , but i'm a gentle soul i only self-injure , as i have a horror of hurting children after my own childhood of being beaten, locked in car trunks, closets etc.  we are both art students and she is a really happy person over all. i dont suffer from any diseases, or any emotional pain that as worth taking my life. do you know of a lawyer who has expertise in bullying victimization, especially one who wants to establish equal parenting rights to prevent the bullies from ever having the opportunity to inflict their harm? further, instead of protecting me and my son from the horror of this person, the family law courts have empowered her to do so by denying me due process throughout this entire five year ordeal. i suffer from severe major depression that is med resistant. i have been off and on since i was much young and now i am in my mid fifties and it just gets worse. this section will discuss historical understandings of depression, current biological, psychological, and social interpretations, and a range of available treatments. is a little happiness of my own that no one can ever take from me. instead, such symptoms suggest that serious varieties of depression may be present, including the subject of this document: major depressive disorder (mdd) or (more informally), major depression. then i started to take responsibility for my own happiness and well being. the effects that this ordeal had on me was traumatic. my dad is having troubles with work, and he's a lot like me, so he's cool. well, on valentine's day and my birthday, when i went to talk to her, to end this and also took her a few gifts to cheer her up . the remark published actively encourages suicidal thoughts and acts in people who may not have the emotional control necessary to read around it to the probably well-meant 'snap out of it' that i assume was the intent. dont judge it was the first thing that came ti my mind. my thoughts are with all of the others who are hurting. i do not know what i did to this day to deserve restraints, to deserve being locked up in a little room with padded walls and a small window for days at a time. the lexapro did keep me from going down to the pit, but it did nothing for my daily consistant depression. i managed to get myself through college (emt-p) but for what? the worst part is that she had been in touch a lot with my mother. i have no health insurance and just bearly making it by at this time. that world is over for me & i don't know what to do. is the best medicine, but talking to the right people is the key. there is nothing to look forward to in life for me. i've tried every kind of therapist and every kind of medication and nothing works very long. i am thirteen years old myself, and i have mild depression. it's so hard to concentrate on anything (reading, people speaking, everything) and i feel like there's a fog in my head, swimming around and darkening my thoughts. have been know to go out on occasion to drink,but this last time,i was so stressed i thought i would have a drink or two,but i ended up drinking way too much and went over to my boyfrineds and accused him of a bunch of b. ended up in a really bad way, for my birthday. i believe diet can play an extremely small role in depression (i. as for your last group of comments i am not quite sure what type of message you are trying to get across so if you do happen to come on this site again you could be so kind as to explain that to me. few years later, right about when i was a pre-med advisor to harvard undergraduates, i noticed that my friends and advisees were in a similar pickle. it's expensive, robs you of energy and motivation (regardless of how low they may already be), and smoking of course is terrible on your lungs., i am a mental health professional who was actually doing research on this topic. depression is a common yet serious medical condition that affects both the mind and body. i hate myself for letting them see me cry and try to keep a brave face as much as possible. and i was on that road believe me with a hatred for society that still makes me distrust to this day. i stare at pages of notes, not knowing where the excitement that went into creating them has disappeared to. i am afraid that if she doesn't plan any of the logistics to move, it only gives room for another episode that ultimately takes her life (she has tried a few times before and was saved by her friend that wasn't supposed to find her)..i spend my days alone (with baby and in capacitated father in law) i cry all the time, i have no energy, hope, anbition. the other is dealing with the guilt, the guilt that has kept me awake for many years. i do not want it to affect me to where i lose my job, or to a point where i can not take care of myself anymore. it hurts so bad to move my body like i use too,i am 44 yrs old and scared because i put on alot of weight,i am like 225lbs,i once was 150lbs. i have decided to get help from a therapist because living like this is just no longer an option for me. i can not focus on my job when i am there.. there have been periods of happiness in my life & years that i didn't drink at all, but i somehow managed to destroy or push away any happiness that came my way. do some deep breathing exercises, light a candle and put on some classical music. by not exercising for long periods of time, they will eventually experience the negative effects of a sedentary lifestyle such as fatigue, muscle aches and pains, and in some cases, heart disease. the term "unipolar depression" is used here to differentiate major depression from the other famous sort of depression, bipolar (or manic) depression, which is a separate illness. neurological terms, you want to give a positive reinforcer - like a present - after someone exhibits a desirable behavior.. i wanted to be a dental hygienist & have a nice house & a family. and now that there is a page and a half of you sending the same message over and over again, you’ve pretty much justified our initial impulse to ignore your first message because you are now a creep. at 21 it has become worse, i just want to be alone all the time, i have cut off all my friends, i have severe mood swings causing me to become angry and i never really know why.. that was enough,,, i have lost 2 boyfriends in my life due to suicide i know that pain(yes 2 boyfriends) so i went and saw my dr. she would call me, begging me to see her, to talk to her, yet when i would call she would start venting on me, screaming, being extremely upset and cold. i also have a college degree which my ex-boyfriend says i am wasting. is another day, just like all others, wake up, throw up, my physical pains are so bad that i believe that the doctors have missed something huge and i am being consumed by pain, has anyone ever delt with this much pain from depression! playing the violin or writing code, success in dating and romance is a skill: you get better at it the more you practice. steven, i want you to know your post help me to put my own position in perspective. all this and then she would call the next day and apologize. i know it sounds hard and in the beginning it is. my dad says its because im a loving child, and i have a big heart. he feels bad and told me he just cant handle bottling up the rage anymore this is hurting me and my son so much i need to take my son and get away but i dont make enough i cant get any owed tax money to help me and social services wont help and i dont earn anything more than grocerie money from work hours will pick up right away but the job hurts my body so bad in particular my shoulders then i get to come home boil water for dishes and then boil and lug pots of water for a bath, and wounder if today will be the day hydro finally disconnects :'( i am expecting it since march 17 my dead brothers birthday the one day a year i expect peace to remember my loved one my landlord showed up to yell at me as the rent had not been paid. when i drink, it becomes excessive then i stop for months (binge drinking basically). i know that i should probably see a shrink, but i do not believe that any pill can solve this problem. i feel as though i have been nothing but a failure in every aspect of my life. i am sick of all this i am sorry that sound the way it it does but what else. my head never was the same , i felt so scared and alone wanted someone to just accept and love me . just lost my father three weeks ago to a heavy depression with phsychotic features. i'm also going to try : emotional freedom technique, wich is bsed on life coaching and massage seems abit far out, but i think it will help. i have a daughter that is 9 months old, and her father wants nothing to do with her, so its me and her. she doesn't (nor wants to) plan for anything and her even discussing the logistics of moving only exhausts her. am glad that you are feeling happy at this time. at one point i felt so frustrated because i did not know how to explain to her what was wrong with me and started to cry so she asked me to leave her office and that she could not help me. i get a lot of mood swings and get ocd occasinaly if something is seriously out of wack. every time i've tryed to talk to somone besides my friends about it i freeze up and can't speak. my son i think is standing by her because she is his wife but he tells me how unhappy he is every once in a while. at your age (or even younger) i felt the same exact way. i have been on anti depresants for 11 years now some times im fine but then when i start to think maybe im normal(whatever that is) i have times like this wher i feel the world is against me and feel suicidal again(im not going to do it thou been there tried that) how can i stop this i cant live feeling like this forever when there is nothing i can tell you that has actually happened to make me feel like this? she has insurance but even with insurance, her cymbalta alone is 7 per month. even my mom, who was very depressed and suicidal went to work. my daughter agreed to go to counselling with me, but my ex talked her out of it. 09 i lost my grandmother, she was the only person in this world that was always there for me no matter what, i was her favorite person in the world & she was mine. i wish i could hold you in my arms and make the pain go away. i don't know how to go about getting a decent job and i worry all the time about my financial stability and financial future. i suggest that the next time you feel suicidal, you go to a priest or pastor and share many of the thoughts you have shared here. sometimes i wonder if my depression has something to do with it. my father received all the professional help and emotional help from his wife, children, and grandchildren. know how you feel , go through life , ups and downs really dont care so much in the end how it ends up you try and try and be nice to everyone you can and still you are looked down upon you have know idea what i have to go through to just make my life just know god loves me no matter what and someday ill be there under his arm s of love he knows and is alright with me i try so hard to please everbody but get rejection in return. a word about ssris,for those of you who are depressed. she does not know about my depression and i don't think she would care if i told her. the problem is putting it into practice, ya it's hard. )- there are some poor docotrs out there who will not listen. i dont know how much longer i can keep this up. im reading all these articles about depression and personality disorders and i fall into all of the catagories and i feel like im losing my mind, but i can't find any help. my doctor referred me to a mental health organization in my town, as he years ago told me he didn't know what to do with me. it started because my mom had an affair with my dad's best friend, my parents would fight all the time and i hated it. this cost with the other meds make it well over 5 per month. this day and age we are given to bellive that we are entittled to more and consequintly expect everything to run according to what we are told by the media( i sometime have to remind people that tv is not real). don't know how that works but it feels like a whole bunch of stuff is mixed in with it. am in my late thirties and i have one daughter(she is grown now). diets may harbor eating disordered youngsters:Cognitive distortions, also known as. my devil husband refuses to do his taxes we are both 4 years behind now i think it is because it will uncover a lot of lies over the past few years more realistacly so i cant get any returns or childtax or my gst/hst which may give me enough to escape. next kiss didn't come for another 4 years, when i was in medical school. is the person who has secondary depression as a result of ptsd depressed because of their experiences or because of their animal based diet? since i can't get a doctor to help or my husband to listen i am pretty much feeling desperate. need help and am at the end of my rope. most of them what they have mentioned above is really true.

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