Long suffering boyfriend is back dating a married man and

Long suffering boyfriend is back dating a married man android

understand that being the transition person is harder for the one without the prior loss. too deserve a happy and fulfilling life, with someone that is there 24/7 and who doesn’t sleep next to another woman plus lies, manipulates and makes you feel sad…. i don’t deserve to be spoken to like that so why do i accept that and hope he is thinking about me? this experience, while alienating at first, can be channeled into a greater purpose and can be used to reconnect you with the larger world in ways you might never have thought possible. i started having to text where i was going, when i got there, send a screenshot of my location, and when i was leaving and where i was heading to next. he was hot and cold and it ate me up. after i left, my attached man started staying with me 2 nights a week, it was bliss as was usually the car and hotels before (gosh, who’d thought an intelligent level headed mid thirties girl would do such tacky things! felt the same with my married man but i even met him when i was married! it was only when a very difficult situation arose in my life and, not surprisingly, he was not able to be there for me, was i at a point where i could no longer take it. i think it was just, like all the rest of these attached and married men, they deny a normal life at home but it’s exactly what they have, and why we get pathetic little breadcrumbs. realize now that “left with nothing” at the end of this relationship, is actually everything. many people tell me not to say anything to his wife, but i did to give me some peace. things will never change they want someone to warm their bed for a couple of hours, feel free for a moment and than go back to their regular lives. man who is having an affair is in a “best of both worlds” situation. i, along with many others, have been witness to how cold and aloof she was towards my affair partner, as well as towards others, and how their relationship was just really odd at best. and therefore, a vulnerable woman is the perfect thing for them. he calls it his medicine… he will actually call and say” baaaaaaby i’m sick i need my medicine” smh… pathetic . i have been overlooked and avoided when it comes to work as well. then he push his first wife to the stairs bec of a fight. and as you read more and more about other peoples situations, you realize that yours is not all that unique. i know this is only the beginning and it should be easier but it’s killing me. i told him to leave me alone and since then it’s been week after week of emails, i miss you texts, and meet ups to explain to me that he’s just very confused. this community has helped me so much, ladies, we are or were all in the same sh**ty adventure that ruins life, you are not alone and you all deserve so much better than crumbs…. 5 years, i was always the love of his life, he had never met anyone like me, i was his one and only true love, he couldn’t live his life without me, i was everything “beyond this earth” to him, and all of those words and so much more were said to me the night before he quit talking to me. years in) because i thought this was him showing his love…how very stupid of me! his wife found out about our 7 month long affair because he gave her herpes. think that when life teaches through experience, we have an obligation to share the lessons learned and insight gained with others who might be buried in the same despair, searching for shreds of hope and spears of light. how could a man live in a world with no love, or intimacy? they definitely have narcissistic traits, which creates a dysfunctional relationship for all of us and the wives. we started this affair and continued seeing each other over the next 10 years….. i can nearly know what he is going to say to me next. you have to and i have to do the same. give an example, he one time questioned his wife if she was “seeing” anyone else after he found a message from another man on her phone. i am now praying for a way out because i realise my wrong doing. i believe she’s lost her soul to that evil creep (the one i thought i loved) and trusts absolutely nothing, other than what he has her believing. he was crazy about me but said he cared for his wife and kids and didn’t want to hurt them. i believe everything happens for a reason so i believe i was meant to meet him but i have all these questions and thoughts but too scared to ask in case he just walks away. that might be too much info, sorry, but the truth is the truth. then for a second i remembered i told him i know it is hard for him to call me and i said it will be fine if he can’t and i will understand that. when i arrived he was already crying, saying that i can’t leave him and he has been seeing all of these signs that we need to be together. how do i leave the man that i am so in love with., it is such a lonely and difficult road to hold on to a love like this. i don’t think that i’d have the strength to deal with the drama and mess that would result from this. you get a few perks: release endorphins (which make you feel great), you get to look at hot guys, and you eventually look even more amazing. i don’t know why i married him my heart has been elsewhere all this time.! grieving is so painful but i continue to remind myself…. he has eventually this week admitted to lying and said he is really sorry for hurting me. i’ve been reading about narcissists, my ex was one without a doubt (an artist with a huge ego, but very insecure) and what i’ve read about ‘love bombing’, and then dropping you and moving on without a glance backwards, fits my experience of him. i never chased him; i liked him, but since he was married i never would’ve made a move on him. as long as his wife and children are in the picture, you are exclusive while he is not. he lives 500 miles away, what were the chances, and i was just there the night before with my daughter. i came across this blog and it gave me strength to ask him to stop texting me (which he tried before and it lasted little more than a day). so if all these guys feel this way, why are they still there? he told me to wait till end of the year when his job is done here and he will go back for divorce. a life apart from him,open up to others and answer his calls less,get so busy you stop looking forward to his visit! have happened recently (lost his job) but i’ve given him 3. i still believe the universe is holding all of us in our own perfection and with love, waiting to serve us with more lessons and healing, but it will take time and learning to focus on ourselves and what we need every hour, everyday, every relationship. he’ll never leave and it was exactly what i needed to hear. we have been together to the point of him introducing me to family and friends. again, we live 2 hours apart and i haven’t seen him since sept. i think this is maybe only to hold me accountable to myself but it will certainly effect him if anyone decides to talk about it. if you feel guilty, its fine but people make mistakes and make terrible decisions every single day. i’m really praying to get pregnant again so i can just close this chapter and move on. he is able to keep his marriage together, present a respectable front and sneak off for an illicit relationship. he tells me he doesn’t wear his wedding ring around me out of respect for me. i allowed him back in my life more times than i should have. married man was a very decent person, he was so good to me for eight years that words would fail me if i tried to describe it. here’s a special girl who is going through a divorce, and doesn’t want to get too close, but for 6 weeks did a pretty good job of convincing me that she was falling for me – then she suddenly interrupted it and i felt totally like wtf? then i realized something… david wants his wife and me on the side… and fred wants his wife and me on the side. men like their comfort zones – making changes is extremely hard. she found out about me and i hated myself for i pain i caused her. i was married for 12 years and have been divorced for 13. i do not fear that he would harm me physically, but the mental and emotional abuse he has made me suffer is as bad in its own way. i believe she fell for a charming man, who made her feel like the greatest woman on this earth, just like he did me. the attached man (he is not married but been with his gf a good 12 years, they have a business child and mortgage together) helped me escape my violent crazy ex about 11 months after we got together. all i can say is this was the biggest mistake of my life! for all the crazy thinking we find ourselves having and the self loathing that comes, this is the addiction, the insane thinking, the attachment to the married man. tomorrow marks one month since i ended things with my married man and while i do miss him so much every day, i am doing better than i thought. oh yeah, and make yourself pretty, let men look at you. i often wonder if a part of it is because he cannot reach me (unless he showed up at my door), or if it’s because his ego is too bruised..If you are dating a married man, you will need to give…a lot. as usual, he told me he didn’t want to hear from me and we went back and forth. if you let yourself in the situation of being dumped (like mine), you would definitely go through all the worst feelings of being rejected, left, disrespected, abandoned, unloved, and lonely. you will recover, and you will be stronger for the experience. was scared of dating, and he has gone ‘cold’ since, not in a horrible way, but he is a little confused as i’ve turned him down for 6 years, i feel like a besotted teenager and except for checking my phone still to see if the am has been online checking for messages from me – i’ve not given him one thought really as this young guy has captured my attention and heart. he can’t love me either but he missed me and bla bla bla. i don’t know how long you were in this relationship or how long your bit of progress has been but don’t get down on yourself. to see yourself as strong and him weak because he keeps coming back,get friends,book holidays ,live,just get a life apart from him and watch! the highs were high, and the lows were very low. i hope that each and every one of you know that you are worth more than being a secret. again, i appreciate you and the kindness you’ve showed me for the last several years but i know this isn’t the right relationship for me to be in. and the minute their wives go into labor…they will be holding their hands by their side. when she found out she chose to stay and work it out. is the note i sent to my married man when breaking up. the day after he moved out he lost his job of 23 years!’m sorry this will be long, but i’m in pain. he has a wife and kids, his first priority will always be them.’s so ironic that for almost 24 years i was saving myself for the right person, and of all people, i had to relinquish it to a married man. but from where i stand as an objective observer, and as a survivor of a really toxic relationship, i would say please run as if the hounds of hell are after you! my makeup and fingernail polish were the next to go. i keep thinking i’m going to miss out on something. i need to end it and only once/if he does clean up his mess will i consider starting over. pretty sure i mean nothing to him already but i just miss him so much and i just couldn’t believe that he’s this heartless! i’m 52 and was in a 5 year relationship and i know how devasting the ending of that was for me. and i have liked unavailable men before, and available ones, and too available ones, etc. to come to the realization that this person is a narcissist is a difficult thing to do., i promise you, you’ll slowly start to find the answers you’re going to need to get through this extremely traumatic time.” while there isn’t a category of “separated, divorce pending” to select from, if you are not legally divorced, you are still married and may be unavailable. i’m not letting my feelings get involved this time around. i had a talk with my bf who is married with kids that i decided to do the right thing and breaking him up. (i do think its best for the kids…but there we go again…i’m made to think about a future that doesn’t exist! the first was that he got his son, from his previous marriage, graduated from college; and the second, was that he find a new job because he was my boss and we couldn’t work together if we were going to be together. i know i need to end it but i just don’t know how and that’s what is killing me.. i have been married for 16 years and i met this guy at work who was also married for i think 3 years back then with one child. are talking again and i told him about what i wrote and how i felt., the fact that you related so well to my words has made me a little less miserable. you will stand tall and proud, and you will be happy again. deep down i want to be happy and have this baby. it took me 52 years to finally get it, but i promise you, the only reason i finally got it was by the grace of god leading me to “knowing the narcissist”. his wife has left him several times and keeps going back. i’m 52, and without him i’m alone in this world. it is all different for everyone, but as sharon always said, please realise than most those married men if not all are narcissist and the only thing their want is their own happiness. how long should i allow it to take and do i ever say anything to him ever again or do i just leave him alone for good? i am from france, and see, it doesn’t matter, we are all neighbors and friends. stop, please save yourself time and effort, it’s totally pointless! time and distance is really the only thing any of these women can hope for. you again for writing this article about breaking up with a married man, and ty to everyone that wrote in and shared their story 🙂. get a real life whiles he is still around,start by living yourself! nothing is ever good enough for them, not their wives, not you, not anyone. year i was with him was filled with ups and downs. sent me a picture of him in the car (the last text i sent him was very romantic but he did like he did not read it or something) i did not answer, he texted “have a great evening! the curiosity about whether he has reached out with feel like torture but i will say the grieving and no communication is less bad than limbo land/gray area. mine is only 5 months and doesn’t share feelings much except how i made him feel like a man again in his “sexless” 2nd marriage of 36 years. we are nothing more, until they make us more, and that’s only if you’re the exception. we did blood typing it came back greater than 75% chance she is mc daughter. but then he’d disappear, play stupid games and i allowed it bc i wanted my fix. (his wife was a facebook friend of his and she still had his last name on it–i asked him and he said she was never on it and she seemed to be pretty inactive with no posts/profile pic so i believed him). why do you leave the door open for the married man? it’s a different world altogether, you and your baby. that is why these mm go back to wifey and play house, it’s their way of escape. she liked this guy at the pub, being a single mother didn’t get to go out that often (we live 200 miles from each other) but kept saying there’s this guy that kept turning up she liked. sometimes i wish i could get to know all of you women personally. i want to ask him this but of course i am ‘cold turkey’ right now and i see every interaction as a victory for him. his wife and i actually are cordial with each other now. dont think i will ever fall in love again with a single guy and definitely not with a mrried man anymore! i just want to to be that strong woman i always wanted to be and me leaving him is part of going on that path. i always took pride in my relationship because my husband is an awesome man. if i accept him again i will not have any respect left to my bff, for me, that is worse than death. i text him and sent photos of me at the circus with my dad…suddenly he is texting all day. and he didn’t even think that i deserve a decent breakup after bring together 9 years, he broke up by text with me two months ago. we have another chance in life and those guys do not. please know we are all in this together, and it will get better.. i am brand new to this site, and your comment really hot home with me. do not try taking revenge on these people, it will backfire on you, they will make damn sure of it.. now she is back and everything has been taken away from me. we were never friends to begin with…why would i want to be friends with someone who cheats on his wife. i will be packing his boxes and see him leave with them. if you read down a bit my story is there friends reconnected he made the moves. he takes care of the kids and i very well. he was my distraction, i should have been having those moments with my husband, not him. i just ended a 4 year relationship with my best friend and love, we are both married to other people. i was also out of a 6 year relationship, difference is my breakup was bad, and hers – well she still loves him but in both our cases we both ended our respective previous relationships. i don’t know how to do it, i have to leave, this is destroying me so much. i managed to ask for his number as he had mentioned previously a flat up for rent and i was looking at the time so used that as an excuse. i believe she’s lost in his dysfunctional world and has become cold, distant, unemotional, uncaring, untrusting and unsociable. only to be told, “go out there and flash your tits, have fun, i don’t care” at the last minute. when i asked why she could and i couldn’t, he replied, “if you want to be treated like her, then act like her” so, no tattoo for me. initially he told me he had divorced and his wife and her daughter( he adopted his wife’s daughter) are living in his hometown. thanks for being kind, it is really hard to end an affair. i know where you’re at in your process and i know your pain all too well, especially the pain of feeling like you just want to die.. i said that if he was truly happy in his marriage he would not have feelings for anyone else and so on etc. it’s like two drowning people and you have both found the same life preserver and you feel alive for the first time in years. i remember exactly what the conversation was, that he was an idiot and that he was going to ruin my life for his own stupidity. don’t believe it but at the time he is convincing as got so angry too. it breaks my heart, but i need to get my freedom back and stop being at the mercy of his love, was there ever any. i have moved behind the initial phases of recovery, in the sense that i am not in blinding grief, i am living my life, and i have lost the urge to call or message my married man. then it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the risk of opening your heart. i feel it so much, i’m embarrassed that i allowed this to happen. the thing is, you’re right, your relationship is different, completely different, but the truth is, it’s just not worth having a relationship where you’re the only one who has to question and doubt everything. also, be aware (look beyond of yourself) that just because he’s not doing certain things to you, it doesn’t mean he’s not doing them to his wife. to single men, there are thousands and many nice ones. i often find myself thinking about how i would love to respond to him if he ever tried coming back, but every time i do, i have to take a step back and remember that it won’t be worth it. he truly loved you, he would have left his wife immediately, no questions asked. i think he’s pulling away because it’s not new anymore – he’s had his fill for now but wants to keep you just in case he needs a bit more. i want to believe i am better than this and i can make it through. that goes to show what is important to you (wanting to be a mother, i’m 38 and in the same place as you probably read) he doesn’t really care. family lives 6 hours away from me and most my friends are abroad and i am really lonely. i am trying to think with my head and tell myself that i can get past him if i give my heart and mind a fair shake at moving on by instigating no contact and actively redirecting my thoughts to where they should be which is with husband and kids and extended family. i know he loves me, he’s cried so many times about the situation, but i believe if you really genuinely love someone you’ll do almost anything to be with them…marrying someone else is going to guarantee we’ll never be together. it’s not easy and only you know the best way. i am an intelligent, clever woman struggling with the fact that i have allowed myself to get in this situation. he kept insulting my husband and calling him all names for what he did to me and said he would never do that to any women yet at this point in time its all he has been doing and if i even mention it to him he thens gets aggressive saying i’m comparing him to my puss husband. i have also let my marriage suffer to where my husband says we are more friends then spouses. i always thought it was cute and romantic, like a quest. i think you should talk to him openly and know the truth of what he wants. all i can say is, trust in yourself because you’re making huge progress and the more you keep asking questions and educating yourself, the more you’ll see very clearly how he actually did do everything intentionally. today i found out that they ruled out a heart attack and stroke, and thinks it could be low blood pressure, but that his heart was irregular. did you inform him you were pregnant and how soon did you stop feeling like reaching out to him? he was having a hard time understanding why we had to be on such a negative path. he hasn’t replied and he probably won’t but i felt the need to express it..we cried talking about how much we’re going to miss each other. that would indicate a level of self worth and integrity. i’m embarrassed by my reaction and wish i had kept my composure but sometimes shit needs to hit the fan. to all of you, this is an opportunity for intense healing and letting go, something we need to do for the rest of our lives. married man told me today he can’t and won’t leave his daughter. i really don’t know what to do because this is my first time being put in a situation like this and i went against all of my beliefs and values only because he convinced me that he would never hurt me and never put me in the same position my husband did. i’m reading your story and it feels like i wrote it. i plan to seek counseling to stay empowered and live well…that’s my responsibility! i miss my mm but i am somehow happier without him, getting some self respect back and learning to be with people who truly want to spend time with me and not only 9 to 11 type of time. it’s as if he wanted me to validate his decision not to tell her. i told him that i was going to block him from my phone and he had his little hissy fit (2 weeks ago), i have not heard anything from him. i’m not going to lie – it was so good to hear from him and we talked about a lot of things. told my married man when breaking up with him – that i deserve so f***ing much more than he is able to give me. in the time i have been with him i have neglected my own self-worth and also my job which i completely love! this man did not have the guts to marry the girl he says he loved. we may hate the wife because we are in competition with her for her husband, but believe me she is just an ordinary woman like us with dreams and aspirations and faith in this man she is actually unfortunate to be married to. all i can do is accept that i am a better person now than i was when i met him, and that i’m better prepared for the person who will put me second to none. thrilling secret relationship with a young, pretty girl had suddenly become a thorn at his side and probably made him realise how much his wife actually means to him. the whole reply is spot on and sums pretty much all women and men in our position and our time with them week in week out (although now once a month for me now….’ve put off having children because i am so deeply involved with this other man and so afraid to lose him. and then he’d be like i can’t tell you what you want to hear bla bla it would ruin his life if he fell for me etc etc. i brought up the idea of leaving but my husband planned a trip for all of us to the keys. this relationship is unhealthy and deceitful to say the least. i need to do some serious soul searching and get some counseling…. i never want to feel the same ever again, love can be disappointing but that type of story is the worse we ever can have. but then you will realize it won’t change a thing, and you will gradually adjust your behavior when you think of the result. my luck paid off and i saw him a second time a week or so later and we talked more and he was really sweet. it helped me to focus on the bad times and his flaws. for some longer than others, but the only thing i want to tell you (and i broke up with my mm 3 weeks ago), you will be ok, i promise you will. i truly believe this man loves me deeply, which is also why it’s so hard to let go because i can’t let go of the hope i hold onto that he might still come back some day. nen, i can understand how you hope to be different. in fact, it is emotional torture to have to turn your feelings on and off all the time. have been seeing my married man for three years now. i am currently on my final breakup, i can’t go on like this. the healing is very gradual, but you do heal every day that you are away from him. she has put on a significant amount of weight (i mean very unhealthy like 100 lbs overweight) and even though he has encouraged her to change her eating habits and work out she does nothing. to those who think they dont even think about us ohhhh hell they are, and it kills them the thought that we can definitely move on after this. he told me he couldnt share me with anyone else, so i had to break up with my boyfriend. our paths crossed and we really hit it off but there wasn’t any flirting, just really good conversation. how they say this is the first time they’re doing this.) and i’m doing my best not to contact him. you want to break off the affair – that’s why you’re here searching for help breaking up with men who are married. promise to everyone on this site, you will move on if you allow yourself to. a point i had a complete life without him,it was not easy but i took advantage of the times he abandoned me to get strength . so he turned up, cried, cuddled me, declared his love for me etc etc. he don’t live with his wife for ten year because he lived in a different state doing of work. don’t take his texts seriously, he isn’t even giving you the basics of trust, care and respect, forget above love. methods:learning the risksunderstanding why women want to date a married mandating during a divorcediscovering if your boyfriend is marriedcommunity q&a. like if he killed a big part of me and i stay depressed no matter what i do. i am surprised that he even found my email address, as he only ever emailed me once and that was years ago. the two people that know about us think he’s full of sh*t and just telling me that to save face. his wife and him are not intimate anymore, she’s always angry at him, they are always fighting, and the list goes on.! but yep no real rush…i hardly text my am…he is as calm as anything, he wasn’t that bothered (although he says otherwise) when i stopped texting him for 2 weeks!.find my own husband…and forget the coward fuck boys…excuse my language…but thats what they are…. just a note, my mm has told me many times in the past that he and his wife had gone to counseling years before we got together, but they eventually stopped going after they both felt like it didn’t do either one of them any good. apart from all this personal stuff i also feel he has been screwing me over at work too. right now just trying to focus on me for once and taking it a day at a time.. i’m still hurt i’m just trying to realize that there is nothing i can do but take care of myself. but, you have to understand what this type of relationship can do to you on an energetic level., you deserve to be happy and now is the time to start learning how.) no more separated-but-not-divorceds for me, no matter how beautiful and charming and smart and sweet.. so i learnt to deal with it and deal with the fact that he did not care that much and i was not important enough. this might be an effort to cover up their marriage by exuding any information that could reveal it. unfortunately, my now adult daughter discovered an email i had sent to my mm telling him that i loved him. with everything you’ve said so far (being a hypocrite towards his wife and future faking with a wedding dress), it definitely sounds like he’s a narc. you will have to be careful with any interaction you might have with your boyfriend's wife as they may feel resentful towards you and try to cause you trouble. i feel like a fool, humiliated and mad at myself for letting someone hurt me like he does, every day. during your time with your boyfriend, you should understand that the chances of him leaving his wife to be with you exclusively are small. foreverwaiting once told me, if they don’t take a decision in the first few months, then they never will. it’s going to take a lot of time and work educating yourself on what happened to you, but it will be worth it in the long run. wish i have your courageous and strength…you are a strong woman…. he asked me where i was and i said an appointment. i wish i knew his cheating ways…and not wasted my time with him…. he’s leaving you alone because he’s pouting that you didn’t give him his way, again. we all want to be with our married men for one more time😔. my life is so crap right now, he is my only escape to happiness and that’s why i deal with all the crap he puts me through. we are done and over and i want it to be this way. is a bit about the situation but also if i write it down it helps, and i hope helps others as we can relate, and stop being in denial and face these, quite frankly, horrible men! i had found out, he never forgot me and because of the dynamics dated many who had similar traits as i. he started an affair with you when you were 17, in most states that is illegal. and the last girl he dated, he slept with her just a few days before he got married. he is gone on spring break and i leave the week he gets back and then i am out another week. i am a smart woman…a business owner…i have raised 3 college graduates…i am no fool…but when it comes to this relationship i am lost! you both sound like strong women, which tells me, you can do this! he will always make reasons and excuses for why he does what he does. you’re in that place where you know you don’t want to do what you’ve been doing anymore, yet you’ve become so brainwashed into believing that if you just try one more time, things will be different and better, like they used to be. my goodness trying, when i read your post it made me tear up and cry!.she will have doubts for now on when she is not with him. but this time, i will show him and show myself who i am! many of us have gone through a form of ptsd because the addiction is so strong. affairs are a reality and have been since the beginning of time. i felt so alone until i found this site and all of you, and i’m truly grateful you shared your stories even though it makes me sad to know so many other women are experiencing such pain. hate what he put me in this situation something i never thought i would be in my life…in the end he. suddenly, having to deal with his less-than-mediocre married life has become less bearable than having to deal with a whiney side object. years in) but this summer and for the 3rd time he told me to move on as he lost his job and was trying to build his business with his gf to cover the loss of earnings. we’re both married and i find it’s harder to break up with him coz we’ve been living together for 3 years now abroad. they smile, they are with their wives, say loving words, living the dream lives while we are sitting here missing them. over time this has changed i felt we got closer and i started learning more about him and his life and fell completely in love with him. i think he loves the idea of a younger woman to control. it makes me happy to know you’ve left with confidence in yourself and peace back in your heart. i spoke to my married man after 10 days of no contact.’m in the process of transitioning and i need a date to help! but he is so selfish that he will not let me go because he enjoys me too much and the sex and does not want anyone else to have me. it is hard for me to leave him now after two months, i cannot even imagine how it could feel after years of my invested emotions and commitment to a man who doesnt really care about any of that. my divorced friends all said he is a nice guys not dragging me on, but i am stubborn i want a second chance to develop this relationship to the full potential! i can’t talk to him, just hear his voice makes me want to stay. i also know we will find better because god/life is not going to let the best person for us be unavailable. im confused, and in love and not sure how to break it off without getting drawn back in. i know from previous break-ups that you only feel better when you let go and just wish him well. i also want to tell all girls who date a married man that don’t hesitate until the minute comes. the pregnancy and having the baby will pull you right out of it. your needs and desires will be subjugated to those of his legal family. i have been seeing my married man for over two years now as well and have talked to him every single day. is very public with me so how she don’t no puzzles me but then again he makes out like she is stupid and doesn’t watch him or distrust him but she must have an instinct, i myself is with someone but we’re been apart for a long while due to circumstances . i moved out after a year because i wanted to get out of the situation and it was getting hard for him to pay my rent. marries man said he wants to grow his children that’s why he stays (lame excuse really). it’s amazing how far we’ve come and how important it is for us to help other women, like barb. and that deep connection our bond is so hard to break. long…your pain is so real and all of us in an affair have felt the exact same way. – i felt the same way – like a teenager again, haven’t felt this way in a loooong time! he is going to hold me accountable as well to make sure i don’t go back. i was so in awe with what i read and i deeply felt the need to share it here. i wrote him a long letter telling him exactly how i’ve felt and why this has to end. had a chance to spend some time together in january and i found myself to be falling for him, badly. the difficulty is that those men are our routine and our life evolve around them. that’s why it’s so important not to fault the wives in our relationships with the narcs because the wives have been, and will forever be abused more so than any of us will ever know. i struggle in going nc then when i feel i can move on, he sends me an email and inside i feel good again. hope people out there could give me more ideas and ways to get out of this relationship without so much pain…. i really got taken for an emotional roller-coaster ride, by a married woman who lied about her status. to make the story short, i told his wife…they went to the police to try to file charges of harassment but it backfires. he says he looks at me and sees ‘lies and secrets’ and that rebuilding trust in a relationship isn’t easy.! i pray that i’m forgiven and that ‘karma’ doesn’t get the best of me! it hurts and is lonely but it will get better eventually. so after a week his wife came back and we talked less of course. i know it feels like it but you have so many people in your life that love you. i know i may sound stupid but love is the matter of the heart. i miss him and i need him, and i feel hurt inside out. i always remind myself that i deserve better though and pick myself up. i pray you reconnect with god, with your husband, and with the you who deserves so much more than being the other woman. my ex married man has no children and says he doesnt sleep with his wife bla bla. i’m glad i found this site although i don’t wish this on anyone. anyone who is still involved with a married man, all i can say is end it now. as hard as it will be for you to see and hear, it’s the only thing that will set you free. as i said, it’s made me question my reality and my sanity. i never loved or felt this way about my ex husband.’s hard because i know i have only been in love with him and i often say i don’t know how to live without him in my life.! why can’t i just stop missing him, seeing him, wanting him? battle 'being lost' as cases hit record 382 millionnews stories may exaggerate hope for vision treatmentsdepression risk may fall after women's periods endnew heart guidelines back stronger therapies for high risk patientsall health newsfind a doctorby specialtyby stateby doctor's nameby insuranceby condition. i have been reading so many books to help get me through, along with talking to a counselor, my mother and a couple of really close (nonjudgmental) friends. i know to the very core of me that he loves me just as much as i love him, so why is he not leaving her? part of me wants to trust my instinct in that he does care but another questions every motive and excuse. in march, i met a man or so i thought. the highs were so high, and the lows were bad enough where i thought i would rather die. if you reach out to him, you will just get back onto the roller coaster, and believe me as one who had endured the roller coaster for years, it is not where you want to be. just remember the only thing that you will miss out on is that you need more than just something casual. the positive news is that i will lose weight through this process–hard to eat or sleep. i would like to say one more thing if, a married man, is so unhappy with his marriage, and tells you he loves you, its total lies, if hes so unhappy, and hes so in love with you he would leave, get real, its just plain sex, thats what they love, and if it wasn’t you it will be someone else, once a cheat always a cheat, girls dont lose any sleep, because they won’t over you . you are right…we have always been the 2nd option to the married men. if we were able to get into this situation then we can definitely come out of it stronger and better. all your cases atleast the guy finds u important enough to promise a false future. i absolutely agree with the way you describe the impact that this relationship has on the self-esteem. what with a business with his gf, home and child plus all the financial ties, 15 yr old week on/off who has constant issues with her mum/schooling etc, it’s just looking doom and gloom. how many of us are actually professionals trained to make that label? but this time the breakup is for good, i just cannot bear how dysfunctional it had become towards the end. the only way, the only ever way, is to block him. it’s been a month since i’ve had no contact with my mm and i have days when i’m absolutely fine, and i feel light and free and engaged with the old me that used to be care free. we see the perfect man (most the time) who makes us feel amazing. he says he will leave his marriage only if his wife leaves him, that he doesn’t want to be seen as the bad guy that broke it off. i told him that he is a liar, cheater and manipulator. if you, right now, at this minute, take back your control, you will be taking it away from him. blinded to the fact we’ve put up for it since day 1 and we’re not even with them full-time! be prepared to face the reality that breaking up with a married man is difficult and painful – but the best thing you could do for yourself. he has not matured into a man even though he’s 38 and most likely, never will. however tempted you are to be around him, call him, or try to engage in an effort to see some love in his eyes, don’t do it. i've come to realise…i don't think i really like him anymore. well if he really was, he would be with me now, not with his family i suppose. but your msg struck a chord with me and i will try and be kinder to myself. week, i was made redundant, i still work with some of the am friends who hang out here too once a week which is a great, as fills the days the am used to be here, but it’s been hard, as my am used to be on my project and was let go himself….. and tell your self you will be ok in a few years. the thing i would love for you to understand though is that every time you go back, and supply his needs, he will make damn sure you feel his wrath more than the time before. you also said, “it’s made me question my reality and my sanity”. broke it off with him in may 2015 and had no contact. see one thing i have learnt the hard way is this . nine years, five years, 2 days is time we can never get back, but hopefully we can learn something valuable from all we’ve been through. want to refer an online book to you that the narc (hg tudor) published and it’s called “no contact – how to beat the narcissist”. i hope he stops contacting me… tomorrow would be different when he’s out and start calling me… anyway i’m so happy and full of energy today. but he did it again this year and that is when i knew i need to let him go. i originally posted a couple months back when i was feeling sad and lonely due to a change in my married man’s behavior. if he is that mad he should have ket me go, if he thinks im crazy then he should have let me go but he didnt. have been dating a married man for the past almost 11 years. as i look back on my life, i’ve dealt with more than my share, but this dude takes the cake. there is no other way to get out of relationships like these except for total and absolute no contact. pushing my limits but blaming me for not hearing his side of the story! i know it won’t be easy, but damn it, i’m here for you to help you stop and think about what you’re doing. two years later, i am still putting my life back together. she believes that married men are weak, that they don’t have the strength to choose you even if their heart wants to, for whatever reason. he always insisted its me he wanted his life with, and no matter how many outs i tried to give him, he always assured me of his love and that the last thing he wanted was to watch me and my love walk away. that day he got married i had spent the previous night at his place and he still did not tell me. he left me without thinking twice and i was being harassed by media even. he knew he had lost control of me and his brainwashing was no longer having an effect on me and holding me captive for him. the good parts are that i know who she is and what type of personality she has and i was also able to watch their interactions between each other, not just during our affair, but also during the years beforehand. the attached man has still not left almost 3 years on. i’ve seen his nasty side and it’s probably like that a lot at home, of course he blames her. everything was grey to me, everything was tasteless and everyday is like a fight. one day i agreed to go out with him for drinks in the evening as i had finally gotten divorced and that eve after tooo many cocktails we ended up kissing and then having sex. am i asking too much or should i stay and deal with it? we are all so much better out this screwed up mess. he told me how much he missed me and loved me. the potential of leaving your husband and meeting someone who will treat you the way you should be. i become involved with a married man who lives in the same building as i do. i hope you find the courage in you to block this man from your life and open yourself up to the potential of meeting someone who will be available to you, and will treat you like how you should be treated.. he said that i have just turned his head and he does not know what to do as this has never happened to him in his life before, my sisters told me to stay away from him and also my brother as i am not that type of person. i just pray that i stay strong and can do this because i do care about him. thing i need to say to you personally, please do not go back, even if he does leave her because, the truth is, he absolutely will do the same things to you. i feel tired of feeling half alive, although my life is full with work and kids and friends, that need to get validation just doesn’t leave me in peace. i know i have to end this affair with a married man and focus on my healing. wife and children knows about me and even hire for a private investigator to monitor my moves and to know my place. maybe they escape because they can’t handle your emotions, but that is not basic decency and cannot we labeled as acceptable behavior by any standards. know your comment is directed to sharon but i just want to express how much i can understand where you are coming from. why would he block me and why am i the one at fault for going away. understand when you say that this passes, but how long does it take? and how i still feel lonely even when i have him coz he doesnt give me what i want- what i deserve! is not an excuse for them and no woman should stay in a relationship like this. and we have to be patient with ourselves during the process, just as we would be with a friend who was going through a heartbreak. however, it was still extremely difficult during this time for all of the obvious reasons. she is god sent for people like you and me. i've tried so many spell casters but all to no avail. worst thing for me is wasting 4 precious years and even thinking about ivf with a guy who can’t commit to anyone! beyond empty…holidays and weekends are brutal especially when you think about them living their “normal” life and you’re sitting at home alone. we got back into it again but he will tell me he can move on , he makes me feel like i am the chasing him. order to enjoy your time in your new relationship, it’s important to communicate these issues when you first start dating. i realized i couldn’t win and he wasn’t mine to win. did come back to me yesterday and tell me 1) he couldnt take the lying that he has been doing this last week and we needed to end it and 2) he wanted to make it up to me by giving me physical intimacy..was a nasty a**hole who makes every excuse under the sun to have an affair that also manipulates us too.. his wife left the country for a while and its like all my rules and and decisions were abandoned because we went back to how we were. what an idiot, so i just ignored it and he hasn’t spoke to me since. i haven’t finished it completely yet, but i’m already in awe how the author describes what’s been done to us and why it’s so important to exorcise them from our lives. we narcissists do not know how to love, but we do know how to con you into loving us and making us so addictive you cannot let go and we do it because all we want is your high octane fuel on those occasional times we grant you an audience with us. accidentally found site and the comments on how to end a relationship with a married man. i guess i want him to talk to me and we would still be. we set up a secret blog to exchange comments and entries, but now he doesn’t go there anymore, but yesterday i couldn’t help it, i’ve sent a comment to that blog, saying that i’m hurt because i saw the picture of him kissing his wife’s belly and how could he walk away so easily and effortlessly after everything we had together. he tells me he wants to be with me, but he is married and has three children and this is the excuse i always get, the children… they are now teenagers, i feel guilty… i want to settle down and have normal things with someone who really wants to be with me… and as much as i know he wants me. i feel especially heartfelt for those of you who had a married man who treated you like a princess because it makes it harder to move on versus someone who is a complete jerk. but i am taking it one day at a time and hope it gets easier then it is right now. but when he threatened me, i started talking to my other neighbors which i learned he’s been cheating on his wife throughout the marriage. they had been married for about ten years when i met him. man may expect you to remain available to him, refusing dates with other men and arranging your schedule around his. as painful and difficult as it was to go through that loss, i have learned so much since. please protect your hearts ladies…married men are quick to steal our hearts and leave us in ruins! we ended up talking for hours that night and we both fell asleep in the spare room, fully clothed. to remind u we do live in the same building…we will run into each other……and no i do not want him. please find yourself now, while you still have a full life ahead of you, because anything less than that is not your purpose for being on this planet. the other night, my one boy told me i was the best mother and person he knew. again, i do not mean this to be harsh, but you’ll learn it if you’re willing to truly educate yourself. by midnight i decided i would call him in the morning (couldn’t call him at that hour since his wife would be around) and just be casual and breezy and ask him how he’s doing (i’ve been no contact since exactly a month). last night, i twisted and turned in bed next to my cold husband. struck a cord in my heart because he reminded me what it was like to actually be the only woman, even for that evening, that was a part of him…no wife or gf at home. but i guess, like 2 months ago, i’m trying to trigger a positive reaction, and it doesn’t. all you have to do is read our stories below to stop any heartbreak and mess in your life. i was with him for 9 years, eight were good and the last one year was just series of breakups and getting back for few weeks then breaking up again. when negative thoughts decrease, the positive ones will emerge and you actually feel “perhaps, i can do it”. is, in tx, you can’t prove or disprove someone is married, there is not public license on file.. i'm exhausted from this, utterly utterly exhausted (it's funny as thought this earlier before buying the book…and in the book…tudor mentions when you realise he's a narcissist or has some of the many traits, you'll suddenly feel exhausted! girl, he is not going no contact because his wife is there. i have seen him once since then but as he said “my wall was up” no shit, i said it would be done but he has been trying hard to say friends and i don’t know what else cause i am hearing from him everyday. i truly believed that what we had was so special and rare, and now i’m realizing that it was a ploy. for being proud, that means a lot even if you’re thousands of miles away, i’m proud of each and every person who comes on here and writes their story…as it’s almost like the start of recovery and moving on for us. i also sense you’re still a bit hesitant though, and that’s okay, because this is your journey. he loves his wife and has stated it many times. the beginning he was all sweetness and light constantly emailing texting sometimes calling me and we’d just talk all the time and he’d say such sweet stuff. never once tried to contact him to ask why he wasn’t responding to me – best decision i ever made that day! need to find myself and repair my very broken heart. on when you are with him in order to keep the affair going and keep him happy while continuing to delude yourself yet off because you know you need to protect your heart and deep down you do not fully trust him. after investigating it i found out his wife was also on leave the same time. he wants you to feel sorry for him and believe his stories. this hurts like hell and i feel like i can’t get off the couch but this too shall pass. we would text good night every single day and text on the weekends. but once you block this person from your life (and this is truly the only way you will ever be able to move on), you will start to heal and become whole again. the next day i felt soo guilty and tried to stop it immediately as having an affair with a married man is a mistake and didn’t reply to him or even speak to him for a week, but he was very persuasive and convinced me to give this relationship a shot as there was nothing between him and his wife. all in all, im dating someone new and moving very slow with this amazong new man. just for you and not left overs of wifes out there..one day we decided he could have one of my old phones so we could text and call and it would be easily hidden from his wife. he stayed separated for 6 months and things were great between us. nobody knows he’s married they just know i have a “boo” i think i’ve falling in love with him and i don’t know what to do . i believe in exercising and i want to have a healthy and good looking body. then it all came to a head, i emailed her some information, he came over and held me, and said we need to be strong now for what’s ahead – and went back home saying he would need a few days to sort everything out. just think about this…if his wife is stupid enough to know about all of this and still go back to him and forgive him…don’t you think you deserve better? knowing the mm your with is with his wife can consume you. i’m 52 and finally figuring out why i’ve attracted child-like men, as well as other dysfunctionals, into my life. my mm was all the good qualities you can hope for in a man multiplied by a million. vulnerable and lonely, i was shocked that this very good looking man wanted to hang out with me and seemed genuinely interested in the work i was doing.– i always read that if you make a list of good and bad features about a guy, and the bad out weigh the good, it tells you everything.

If you're dating a married man will he always say what you want to

he knows how devastated i am, and how much pain it caused me but he walked straight away, to keep his own happiness. you need to let him go and focus on yourself. i am usually confident, and since i met him, i feel so unworthy that i am losing all my confidence and becoming needy, demanding, someone i never was.’m 51 years old and have been in an affair relationship for 4. can t figure out quite how to start my own comment on this page, but i am going through so much of what all of you are going through. it’s terrible to feel like disposable sidelines, i know that for sure 🙁..he even told me twice that he loves me more than he loves his wife. i am the only employee of a business they both own and she has theories about me and him but can never prove it so we deny. last week he even made a short trip for me and my kids to meet one of his sons, which was even a bigger step forward but i only saw him for about an hour and he left without us having a chance to talk properly. he waits for his fiancée to go to sleep then calls me for 3 hours every night. when he got back, we had a heart to heart. i have tried finding someone else and did meet a guy. he knew i was getting to a place of being finished with the charade, and instead of me reaching the deadline i had set, he went out in typical narcissist fashion … giving me the silent treatment. also i realize now just how dumb, immature and narcissist he was. i sometimes try and make mike mad to see if he gets angry with me. about 6 months ago, he tells me (in shock) that his second wife (of 7 years) up and left him. i hope his wife gets a backbone and sees right through him. i don’t very much he is a true friend let alone loves me. strong ladies, we are all in this together and we will get through this…let’s support one another. your story is giving me the strength to end it. dont wanna play smart on you, of course not, i am just trying to help and get you in a more positive mood about yourselves. may you see how valuable and worthwhile you are, and know that you deserve to be loved by a man who is 100% committed and available to you. he sometimes has to work out of town and i’ll go spend the week with him. i know my mm is currently having a good time with his wife, maybe holding her or kissing her, and he dumped me to protect her and his family, but whenever i think of him (which is all the time), all i know is i love him no matter what. and i’m not his gf, i’m sure if i lived with him he’d have contacted me after not hearing from me after 10 hrs. he left and i didn’t hear from him all day monday. am living in saudi arabia and the only one who provides my needs is him. i am married with three young kids and have been seeing amarried man on and off for 5 years. came here to meet my family, told everyone he is undergoing on a divorce which i thought he was. and the fact he doesn’t have a sexual relationship, well, think about hat. if it were not for coming across this site, having communication with you, and having you direct me to hg’s site, i would not be anywhere close to where i’m at now. i tried to tell myself that we started this relationship as a non-committal agreement, but my feelings changed–his did not. i gave him ultimatums and he was shocked and at first it looked like he was finally going to act but in the end, he is still pushing it, delaying it, letting me down over and over. and i know that looking for validation from a married man after he decides to break from you) is optimism at best and stupidity at worst. 2 months of being “separated” and madly in love, out of the blue, my mm says he feels like he never gave his 12 year long marriage the chance it deserved. true love means you can introduce the man you love to your family and friends. i’m more angry with myself for letting my guard down and allowing him in. so it’s not like you can’t be in an affair with a decent man, but most often they never break up with you in a decent way, relationships end all the time but it’s only with married men that they are so long drawn out, torturous and exhausting. reason a married man can end an affair so easily is because his first allegiance is to his wife. i expected his calls every day that it makes me weak every time. he used to socialise with his friends and his gf lots (the first 2 years we were together, which i accepted)…but then they moved from the edge of the city to the end of the peninsula which is just hard to get too and not somewhere you can pop too. this arrangement is where the wife is a primary source of fuel who maintains the narcissist’s facade of respectability (family, job, community) whilst putting up with his roller coaster behaviour. he tried so many tactics to see me again, be my friend and i flipped out. for this post i finally found the courage to speak out about my affair. one thing sticks in my mind, he asked me what made me fall for him and it was him telling me to look him in the eyes when we were being intimate. its hard as a single mother with no affection and you meet a great guy only to find out he’s married. i felt like i had my life back on track. after the arrangements and all were done i moved far away. after he finally found a new job and his son graduated he was suppose to start the process of telling his wife he wanted a divorce. i cannot get over the disbelief of how much a man can change, how he can just cut you dead and go on with his life, and you start questioning all the things that you ever shared together. this question (or a similar one) is answered twice in this section, please click here to let us know. he said ‘well you’ve proved your feelings by cutting off and i was really hurt’ – wowzers…. i know he is going to respond to my email and i feel so weak. a few of us have vowed to help women just like you to see these mm for who they truly are, but the bottom line is, you have to decide that your life is more valuable than him. there is a way to get through this, and once you kick this, the sense of self worth and relief is mind blowing., i don’t say this to give you “hope” that your married man will come back, i say it because, chances are he very well could at some point. you feel today that even though you love him, the relationship does you more bad than good, and you want to finally break free. i also think about how genuine and real everything was for me and it’s still so incredibly unbelievable that “none of it” meant anything to him … absolutely none of it. i am stupid and showed myself no respect for allowing a mm to treat me that way. i’ll be honest, i’ve been setting weekly goals now for the last 5 months; and i’m happy to say, i have finally reached the point where i’m not even sure what week i’m on anymore. i’d say let his wife have his sorry ass, she, poor woman, is stuck with him while you are free if you can just see it as freedom. of days later we talked, and he told me that he would never divorce his wife and vice versa.!As sharon has said, 95% are narcissists, it is really hard to read the blog at first, it shocked me. so you will be free and you will be happy. i was in a relationship with a married man for nearly 2 years and we were in love head over heels. she said she wanted to keep the family together and would do anything. he keeps asking why i want it and i can go to blogs etc. i knew he wasn’t ready for anything too serious, but he acted like a boyfriend. the silent treatment is devastating, i can write a book on stonewalling and the silent treatment. she said he probably still lives with his wife, due to residency. are you able to live with the knowledge that you were part of something that caused suffering of innocent parties? i have found myself again and since i have i’ve decided to now use my real name … sharon. i had neglected my self and my daily responsibilities, both at home and at work. but now, he’s playing the victim and saying that i’m leaving him when he needed my suppprt the most. some days you will feel better and some days you want to reach out so badly that it feels as if your heart is being ripped apart. are you comfortable with a man who lies to improve his position? honestly, koala, what he’s done and what he’s doing now has absolutely nothing to do with you or love. you won’t know what hit you and that’s when you’ll basically feel like all you want to do is die.  some singles will not date a man or woman whose status is “separated. i don’t if i can move on without him but as they say i can and i will. do the work behind it, what is it that attracted this situation into your life? these were the months of i agreed to rendezvous with him, and we shared extremely intimate moments, but i would never permit him to penetrate me. but it becomes this way because we let it happen from the beginning, and we are too weak to let go. few of you have struck a cord with me, and i wanted to offer you my advice below that has helped me. despite this, i couldn’t find it in me to leave him. they do it effortlessly as if nothing had ever happened between the you and them. if you don’t want to believe me, read “knowing the narcissist” at the narcissist website and discover the truth for yourself. your strength back gradually till you can walk away one day…i think breaking up abruptly is bad ,espercially when he is the only one you do everything with ! even if no one else can know it, i do, and it feels pathetic to me. but then i decided to make things work with my partner and stopped with the 5-6 year affair. i wanted to die too, it is bad but i told my family, i took pills for depression. we always before his transfer saw one another 5 days a,week we start and end with i love you. i pray for you all to gave more fulfilling lives and happiness.. that was two months ago and i well got my karma for that one. my biggest problem is that i love him and am just hoping that he gets the balls to leave. i have been apart from my ex-mm for 3 months now and it truly has gotten easier than i ever believed it would. the worse thing isn’t the breakup, the worse thing is the way we beat ourselves up afterwards and the soul destroying hit to our self esteem. we work for the same company but different departments so on a day to day basis i don’t really see him. never imagined i would ever be with a married man, but in a blink of an eye, 4 years later and i am left feeling so utterly lost and alone. i forgot how lonely my weekends were and how sad it was me actually looking forward to a monday morning! when a married man says ” i feel stronger for you than my wife” but does nothing to prove that please! it’s only via this forum and a few blogs that i gain back some perspective and can tell myself “there’s no point, let it go. i know he is not going to chase as he has proved he won't (and lets face it, even if he did, nothing changes! that’s when it turned to flirting and ended up with us kissing. most woman who are in relationships with married man or involved go through a lot of psychological pain and suffering, low selfesteem. that no matter what he tells you about his wife, your dating a married a man is your choice not hers. it is so hard and painful to let go of the man i still believe to be my soulmate and the love of my life. if you had been an exclusive couple then yes, you can lose one another, but not when his full-time and important life are at home. was friends with ryan for a few months before it developed into this. his amicable divorce will allegedly be final in a few months. today was a whole day of “no contact”, which is rare us. i was involuntarily involved in quite a serious relationship with a woman who i knew from teenage years and was now living in texas. at the same time, now i need to focus on improving my life and moving forward. am a well educated woman as well, i don’t think you have to be smart to avoid a married man, i think we have to love ourselves more. tonight i missed him so much i decided to write a blog to him but when i finished it, i deleted it. i’m scared and hurting but trying like hell to be strong., i know you miss him, but it seems like he is putting you in a prison…you need to live your life, he can’t make you feel bad like this, this is like your mind is being beat up, and this is not ok. while you suffer alone, he has his family to go back to. living in that me street makes you have a way to go back to him or perhaps get to see him unintentionally, perhaps you should change a place to stay or move to another area. it’s his manipulation tactic to try and draw me back in, and i see right through it.’d like to thank all of you for giving me strength to continue to stick to my guns and let my married man go! love this statement you made: “little does he know that now i’m the one who can discard his pathetic narcissist a**”. i dont love him but miss him and the messages so much. a side note: in the past, on this site, i have used the name “sophia”. he is very kind and nice with a big heart. still i did not get attached but we kept seeing each other and of course eventually we both got deeply involved and fell in love – physically, mentally and even more so spiritually. years with a man i had known from work and became extremely good friends with, for the first 10 years previous to our relationship beginning. the guy who will truly love you one day will make you feel like the best woman in the world, not make you lose yourself and cry harder than ever. it definitely has not been an easy road, and sometimes i still want to cry and stay in bed, but at least i have now seen him for who he truly is. health is suffering i’m in a low mood much of the time, i’m lonely as i want much more i deserve more. he’s going to hit u up as soon as he knows you’re really not paying attention and not just acting like you are. my married man couldn’t bear it if i so much as scratched myself or bumped my head but now i think he won’t even blink if i drop dead at his feet. to anyone that is starting an affair with a married man or considering it please run like hell. hope to have a new start now but am very painful and hard to let go of the relationship. waiting for a text to elate me, then disappointed that he only had crumbs of time to toss to me. he has taken so much of my time and energy. after weeks of crying, love making and trying to plan our future, i officially ended my relationship with the mm today. you need to change your life in a meaningful and positive way, read this book. guess i’ll “carpe diem” and just deal with the aftermath if/when it happens.’m a little love sick over him but know he is a nervous about us so is still on the dating site, and tbh he does need someone a little younger and that is all i’ve gone about – his age. i’m convinced that this has altered my brain chemistry. i believe i am, but having him come back now would definitely put my strength and will to survive to the test.. these are not the actions of a man that cares, he holds on for someone to lean on, but at this very moment he is happily at home with his daughters and partners, and will never ever admit it. they have no kids of their own and she makes great money and can support herself. my mm basically doesnt want to do this anymore bc we are both married. so i just left everything and moved on to another city to my uni. but then he began to withdraw and i started to do all i could to pull him back in. but love will touch you forever and always be in your heart…. i plan on reading hgs book on getting rid of the narcissist from your life. you sign up for an online dating site, hoping to find someone to ease the pain and help you move on. that is how i want to feel everyday and i feel so far, i am back in control, i have had enough and i can move on to a brighter future. the moment when i started to show him dat i can leave without him and i don’t even went to see him for months. he had never had a relationship (girlfriend) outside his marriage. there is a world outside of the circle in which your love for your married man is holding you captive and the door is there for all of us to walk out. he will text you, try to convince you to go back, that he cares and loves you and he might. well what he stated to me was that she either put a tracker on his phone or his sister in law followed him because she knew where he had been staying the night with me the night before while she was out of town. this has uncovered some underlying old baggage that is so very familiar and common to this experience. i did go to that site about narcs that you told us all to, and did read some of the articles. i still feel like i’m on a rollercoaster and i know i’ll have some good moments and bad moments, but hopefully as time passes i’ll have more good. we both agreed that our long term marriages and assets prevents us from divorcing our spouses, but i feel like i am being used at 65 even though the passion and closeness was something i couldn’t refuse at this point in my life. i want to believe it with all of my heart, but after reading how so many were treated, after years of waiting, i had to let go. he has been to my home and job before, but to be honest, i do not believe he will come to either demanding what happened. i know none of what we’ve been through has been easy and if i can help make the transition a little more bearable for someone else, i will. finally last year we had sex and its just as wonderful as it had been in the past. i want and try and hope to move out of his life gradually. will try to give it till end of the year and will has to give up this relationship if he is still taking up my time and never hounor his words. we are all probs pretty lucky we’re not trapped with a self-centered sociopath who only cares about himself and manipulates others..hang on… if he leaves his gf (of 12 yrs or so)…there are now 2 exes with 2 kids being juggled (nothing wrong with this but both sound like difficult and spiteful women…of course i’ve only heard his side! can’t tell you how much i appreciate your very thoughtful reply and sharing. but i’m scared, i’m afraid that if he calls or shows up tomorrow that i would hug him and kiss him but i need to be strong. we all teach people how to treat us, and don’t let him treat you like his doormat. the married man i’ve been having an affair with – it’s been 16 years and a child together although he wasn’t married then. because i have been in mine for 22 years and i don’t feel the love either. i just need to leave my husband, and he will leave home. i have no need to remain in contact, therefore i will now go no contact with this site. i can’t move house, i can’t avoid seeing them occasionally, and it is destroying me completely. she hooks on to him(fucking him with her gf while he is still married to wife #1. christmas we didn’t exchange gifts and i knew he was just using me for sex but i needed it also going without for so long.: do not go at a narcissist by telling them who they are. he says how much he misses me, the usual stuff mm say. i told him i am done and going away and each time he try to secure me and we just go back to the relationship again. the tears won’t stop and i just feel like i’m dying. i do miss the thrill and him, can’t lie, but i felt like crap for a year like i never did, lost weight, fell into depression, i was low like i never was before. have told myself that first of all, we loved each other and love is never wrong. i have spent so many days with him, gave myself to him. the author: thank you for validating the love and the relationship even though it is taboo. if he had to change a date with me because of his wife, i would fall apart. he broke up with me suddenly and refused to talk at all about it, being escapist and a coward, and that’s something i hate him for. he just could not resist the attraction and excitement, and had to see me. i have hopes and dreams and i am well educated but sometimes i feel stupid. anyway my mm may be a narcissist or may not be, i don’t care anymore. and he never reached out to me first, why should i? it is that part of you that will allow you to transcend their destruction and recreate yourself, more victorious than ever. why can’t i put my big girl panties on and deal with my life? he ensnared me in the worst way imaginable and i’m just to the point where i really don’t care if i meet anyone ever again, and if i do, i will handle myself in a completely different manner than what i’ve done before. hope it helps you move forward in love and peace, and find a man who is available and willing to unite his life with yours. my ex-married man also said he would not have another baby, then changed his mind to lure me back in (it worked), and then said no again. emotionally i’m a mess because i want him with me and told him so. the comments section of this article on breaking up with a married man. of course making it easy for him and he was still married! you are so young, you have your life and an amazing man on the other side of this pain. i saw a picture of him kissing his wife’s belly on facebook and i almost died over a heart attack. married man and i keep getting back together…idk y honestly…why are we so afraid to let go? i cry a lot, and am just waiting for that day that i don’t wake up. but i said goodbye, i have to for my sanity as i need all of him and i’m no longer satisfied with the crumbs! my new year is definitely going to begin a hell of a lot better than last year because this year i’m filled with a shit load of knowledge. i feel that i will never find a man and i will be alone forever. i feel so alone and isolated…like i don’t know who am i anymore. never forget you are alive, your mind is stronger than you may think ( i know how the brain wash of us becoming puppets makes us feel like we can’t be strong on any level) but we can, every day that passes is a day you survived the pain. him to figure out what he wants and i would want proof of separation/divorce and i am making no guarantees., i feel you and i know what you mean here.; how are you doing liz and sharon, is everyday easier, or weeks or months? i believe he loves me but he won’t leave his wife. i’m sure he craves the attention and knows he can get it from you. strength, this may or may not help you, but i thought if you wanted to go back to the beginning of when i first started posting on this site, you can see that i was in the exact same place as you are now and you can get through this in time. my ex-married man came across as confident, comfortable in his skin, charismatic, and made me feel like i was the only person in the room. i’ve felt this way too – it will pass, just hang on in there with the rest of us. my biggest advice is to rip the band-aid off and just end it. my children figured out he was married (damn social media). don’t look back 5 years from now and go through the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve routine. he has a son by his first wife in which he has custody. wrong to believe he will divorce his wife and leave his family for me. tomorrow marks one month that i ended things with my married man.…thank you so much for all your kind and encouraging words. i don’t know his horrible bm smells after a night of mexican food. second book is: exorcism, purging the narcissist from heart and soul. you can check my first posts and now, i am much better really, time heals, you need to give it time, speak with friends, share on this forum, take time for you and rediscover who you really are. i also learned to never hold onto hope for someone to come around in their emotional availability nor to ever put my feelings on back burner and wait for someone to want my love. in typical narcissist fashion, he blame-shifted, guilted me, and took no responsibility for his own actions. just just from what you’ve said in your message alone, i can almost guarantee your married man is one, just as mine was, and everyone else’s is. we only had full sex for the first time in july this year, when his wife would have been heavily pregnant, so now i wonder if that’s only because she didn’t want sex with him. remember this, if you can do it once, you can do it 2nd time, 3rd time, so let’s believe we could overcome this hardship together. i know my ex-mms wife, and she often seems cold, miserable, and frustrated. stay strong, relax and meditate if you can, exercise, find a hobby and focus on yourself because even if you were with this man you need your own life. i kept telling myself maybe he really is busy with work and that we will hang out again he still want me. just remember that you have a purpose on this earth, and you are not second best. the problem is i find out he’s been playing me, to get a piece of me and now he not answering my text or when we do run into each other he yells. am encouraged by you saying that you cry your tears and keep walking ahead. all i have to tell myself is that if things were so great at home they wouldn’t have sought an emotional and physical affair with someone else. on the day when we were back, we walked different way out of airport as he requested. i made it in and out of the affair in under a month.'t believe it because i' ve tested so many of them and it didn't. so, in turn, his apologies were actually his way of manipulating me further.. long story short, a married man persued me, we have what you would refer to as an online romance/affair/fling there really is no words to it. but, brainwashing is a powerful weapon that’s used on us and it’s their plan to use it right from the beginning. i just want to be strong enough to move on and forget him. if these men truly loved us, and they were truly unhappy in their marriages, no obstacle or barrier (my mm’s favorite words) would stop them from being with us. since then, we sometimes messaged and he called once but they no longer meant anything. it means a lot to me that you took the time to read and respond to me. but of course, now i find myself creeping on his facebook page, his wifes page, his friends. but i try to tell myself that what he gets up to with his wife is no longer my business. i wish i had a magic pill for everyone going through this pain. neighbor has been and still cheating on his wife…in face throughout their relationship…they been married over 17 years but together over 23 years…since dec 18 i have been talking to my other neighbors, and to realized it is a common knowledge he’s a cheater…. as for as i know his wife doesn’t know about her. in my heart, i want to believe that this is true love because through it all, and it has been incredibly difficult at times, we have stayed together. he has an adult son from a previous marriage that lives with them and according to him, he feels that she’s always making his son feel like he’s in her space. mind you up until now he said we don’t have that kind of relationship, and he couldn’t leave home until his kids graduated high school (7 years away). i’ve been bouncing to work and back, obsessing over whether ir not i’ll hear from him…but this is such normal living! right now he is not disturbing me at all so it is easy now. his boss, coworkers, my family and a few others know. i feel for her and i need to stop this but heart and head and saying too different things and i am having a hard time. everyone’s circumstance are different, but, my heart says one thing and head another. he stills goes home to his gf, we are not together to be dropped! today i bumped into someone who told me some information innocently which has sent me back into utter devastation. i love that we can both see exactly who they are now and i love that we have discovered what’s hidden behind their masks. i carried on not feeling a single way about his wife and kids for months. memories wont be erased completely but feelings and sharpness fade over time. it really breaks my heart why he’s lying to me about his unhappiness with her. i just wanted to write this, not on their defence, because every situation is different…but i really don’t think they all intend to be as terrible and destroy us. then we kissed and few months later i lost my virginity to him. says) and advised me to have an abortion if i wanted him to stay in my life. i admit i miss his company and the way he looked at me and the way he touched me. i’ve decided this is a much better life for me than the agony of lying in bed thinking of my am next to his gf, their family weekends and all the other stuff…. and again, i am not promoting this but i found an online counselling site called talkspace that matches you up with a therapist, and i found a lovely one who is so sympathetic and supportive and understanding. the only thing thats clear to me is, he loves her. she refused to let him touch and refuse him intimacy. he says, he could lose his kids, so why do it? i believe it started off sincerely on her part, but a few months in she realized she wasn’t over her d, so she broke it off and i’m left hurting. but what i have decided to do, which i've not done before (i've either ignored him all day or for 2 weeks, or pulled back but still within hours carried on friendly and enthusiastic as normal) is throw him my breadcrumbs! this makes me so sad and all the more difficult to let go. i secretly read some of them and i really felt bad for them. but i’m thinking that maybe this is enough for me. he is now saying how sorry he is, that he didn’t mean any of those things he said, but he was scared to lose everything. all i can say is he was engaged, could have not got married to be with you and yet he did not. in some ways, it felt like the best year of my life, and in other ways, it felt like the worst year of my life. he then got mad and told me not to call him unless i asked first. she’s been this way for as long as i’ve know who she was. i felt so terrible and depressed and i mustered up the courage to tell him that i could no longer be with him anymore. he wife recently got pregnant and she found out about us the 2nd time, and that’s when he said goodbye, that’s when i learn who is more important in his life. try and let it go and remember that you are worth real love and deserve to be first in soneone’s eyes. i had to face my fear and gone through my emotions and grieving and set my boundaries and stick to it. my point, is after the devastation of losing the one person i felt i truly loved and lose; i saw a post recently that opened my mind. been dating a married man to my full knowledge for a few months now. if you need support i suggest you tell a friend who can support you and sort of be your sponsor thru the ugly beginning of the break up. i dont know how cos his very kind to me. sue, i can sense you’re an intelligent woman, please read the blog, starting with his first article beginning august of 2015. i figured that is one good step toward cutting him off because when he gives me money he always wants sex. i’m half dead, i even wished i had a brain trauma so i could forget every memory of him. click "ask" and your question is associated with your username..Liz – it’s incredible……when i read your and sharons posts, it’s like i could be writing them. i have myself just recently changed jobs for a very bad team and i am alone all day. i truly believe you did not find this site by accident. i usually feel like i want to curl up and cry in bed. and you have life in front of you, never forget that. feel sane finally, after reading this post……i can’t cope physically pr mentally anymore with the rollercoaster that is my ‘fake’ relationship with my married bf…. the other times we ended up back together when we ran into each other. started seeing an attached man (almost 4 long years now) and i was chased and chased every time about 4 months down the line when i tried to end it. please share this information with everyone you can, and i will too. i want my soul back, i feel like i lost it along the way. i thought i could fill a void and feel loved. he is now asking me to leave my husband and he will raise my baby as if it were his. these men have decided to play ostrich and bury their heads in the sand so that they dont have to face their pain or ours, that doesn’t make them better than us. didn’t talk too much about what was going on – he was never one to discuss feelings, but we laid out ground rules. he is married and lives in the same building as i do. i am 29, divorcing my husband, and the so called love of my life is gone. i’m excited to get my life back and return to my true self. to go to the gas station, to go to lowe’s, to go get food but he never comes back with what he says he’s gonna get saying they don’t have what he’s looking for. but it is helping to know i’m not the only one in this world who has made the selfish mistake of being with a married man, but i guess you can’t help who you fall in love with. i wanted to ask you women who have been through this, would it be a good idea to have another baby right now? i don’t like the fact they are still married and i feel he still my be involved with her. but the way he has changed in the last year, i cannot even begin to comprehend how someone who loved me like i never imagined anyone could, can just turn his back and despite seeing me at work everyday, pretend as if i am dead and he doesn’t know me. you don’t deserve this – this confusion – this heartache – this pain. they have no kids together and they both earn great money so there really wasn’t anything holding him back from what i could see and from what he continually told me. the only difference is we live in the same building…. like i said, it’s been nearly 4 weeks since we last spoke and i wonder, is it because i gave him a way out and now we’re really finished or am i just being impatient with timing that it might take for him to ask for a divorce. i think that’s why a lot of them ignore us at times, they can’t handle it! how likely is it that he will be honest and forthright with you? we both know this is wrong but could not stop the texting, seeing each other for coffee… we both know this is going to be detrimental for my mental health in the long run. yourself, that you know that it’s time to end this relationship. no matter who you are and where you are at this point of your life, you can always use the worst experiences of your life as the key to your best victories. honestly, i did not really have a support system, so i hope you can do better than me, but i went to london many times to see the only real friend i had, and i decided to make new memories (i went with him in so many capital of europe, i was scared of going back, but i decided to make new memories in those places to make sure i would not be scared of living again). i thought to myself, how could i live with this type of pressure? he belongs to someone else morally and legally – even though he makes you feel like you’re “the one” for him. he still denies it today that they live as man and wife but when i ask to see the divorce papers that were signed a few months ago he refuses and he refuses for me to meet his son. if i am available to him all the time, he treats me like i’m less than but as soon as i avoid him he is front and center giving me lots of attention and extra love. i’m so sorry i have no one to talk to that is the worst…. it is that part of you that knows you want to survive and thrive. remember they preyed upon us at one time and getting your email way back when was part of his plan. the latest we could work was 7pm, so he’d come back to mine (or ours, i moved, he claimed it was his sanctuary…still does…but he has stayed here only once in 2 months and that was for my birthday and at first he made a fuss about it saying he couldn’t leave his eldest daughter with his gf as she”d moan when he left that he made her look after his child…. thank you to everyone on this board who shared their stories and have given me the strength to end this for good. begin to make small changes to all the daily habits that you’ve formed because i think he’s a habit that can be repatterned, but should be done mindfully and practiced with purpose. any case i love him and i know he loves me yet he finds fault with everything and im not sure if it is because it gives him reason not to leave his wife…his wife found some stuff out and he asked me to call his wife one time and tell her that he keeps calling me and that he just called me–he wanted me to do that while he was sitting with her so that she would think i was a liar and crazy and that would get him off scott free and no have her think he is seeing me and then we would be able to still see eachother. i/you/we- deserve to be chosen and must never be anyone’s secret.. you will manage i promise but you have to do one thing everyday to leave that nightmare. he checks all my phone records and follows me on find my iphone. i have dignity but this feeling is horrible of my anxiety. it’s a pattern with all of us who have been attached to a married man. during these times he has given me the silent treatment and stonewalled all my attempts at contact to the extent that i actually started doubting my existance and my sanity. i do believe some men are sweet and kind and loving and very alone in their marriage.’t think for one minute that your married men love you because they don’t. he will create a lot of excuses just to get me out of his life. i know how every one of you feel when you are in love with someone who is in a relationship/married, and you don’t know how to escape it because the love you feel for them is just too strong. he doesn’t communicate with me telling me he misses me or nonsense like that. like others have mentioned, i’ve not been happy, i wanted to believe the ‘love’ kept me happy…but it didn’t…5% if that of someones time and a relationship conducted mostly via message or phone or sneaking around work isn’t real, so even the love from us isn’t real either. i’m not sure what hurts worse blowing me off after 10 years in this relationship where i have given this man everything from my heart to my mind to my body in a five minute phone call or the fact that he would rather stay with a woman that he’s told me on several occasions that he loves her but doesn’t like her. how insulting is that especially when i’ve never even reached out directly like that. i don’t care how awful she is, how nasty she is supposed to be…how much she apparently ran him down and gave him low self esteem (so, he has a baby with her, buys and house and starts a business…she must be terrible! tuesday he emailed me and said he had to end this he was hurting me and his wife was so sick mentally he was going to have to take her to hospital. be aware that not everything you read in these articles are going to be exactly what your married man does; however, i guarantee a huge chunk of it does. he started to email me, and i didn’t respond. and i say this as a friend who listened to the story of her. what matters now is that i’m smiling again and i don’t have knots in my stomach and i’m not always wondering, worrying and questioning “why” to everything. it’s hard to believe that so many of us have the same similar story. my work is suffering, my health is suffering, my marriage was rough but i think it can be saved. he told her he had been talking to me and was in love w me. it is the power of now from ekhart tolle and the lanuage of letting go as well as co-dependent no more from melody beattie. met a woman in a coffee shop this morning, and we started talking and lo and behold she also had broken off an affair with a married man, what are the chances? after that i got rid of the music cd’s he gave me and little by little started deleting all pictures and videos i had of him, all that led me to pawning the necklaces he gave me (i should get something for them. when he said he thought we were doing just fine dating each only and would not change his mind, i ended our relationship. do not invest anymore of your precious time and life to anyone who isn’t willing to give you theirs. i read somewhere that doing the same thing over and iover again and expecting different results is relationship insanity and we will keep getting the same message over and over from the universe until we learn from it what we need to. then his wife found out and the company found out our relationship (i was his boss), he was forced to leave the company, which was extremely hard for both of us because we couldn’t meet each other daily. none of his plans ever included ending up with me. i told him i knew i was taking a huge risk at never seeing him again and he told me that wasn’t going to happen. but, thinking of it further, could never be with him–distrust issues and would always be the other woman no matter what. as much as it brings some relief to be able to relate to how we are all suffering and how we are not alone going through this, it is so good to come across encouraging posts. him an option too and start by seeing the relationship for what it is. i started about 18 years ago when i was involved with someone myself (not married – just living together) for 7 years. sent a reply to this and others earlier but then lost them! but i feel he’s making a mistake if he really is in love with me – how can he live a lifetime with someone else when all he can think about is me? always been honest with the guys i’ve dated where i stand and give them a choice to proceed. broke up with my married man of a bit more than 2 years. all the chasing needs to be done by me…which is utter madness considering he isn’t single so why would i chase? i have read all your stories and feel that this will end badly. had been dating for eight months when i met chris. needless to say i was a complete wreck for a few months and needed a tp. that is why i am please asking for others opinions on what they feel towards situations like this. i feel like he could have easily taken so much advantage of my feelings towards him and the fact that i was more than willing to be physically intimate, but he never let that happen. listen to your inner voice, your heart has had the driver’s seat for long enough and it’s not working for you. the visits starting getting further apart, the phone calls less. it’s been over one month, ,and i haven’t made any progress at all. i really love this man for a few reasons: he helped me see the value in me, he taught me a lot about people, i learned a lot about myself, i learned about the complexities of life, and he taught me to be a good judge of character. i changed my phone number and deactivated my email for 2 weeks. i pitched a fit and encouraged him to stand by her side and well he has now and i think has guilt. love yourself and you will learn and understand that you’re more than a man who wants you because he’s not confident enough or man enough because of his problems since childhood. i want to write him, i read your posts and it helps me. know i was the mistress but it felt more to me than that. i had sleepless nights, was depressed, cried myself to sleep, couldn’t eat, and felt like i would rather die. i keep reminding myself that i can do this, it would all be the past….’t keep holding on to the affair; it is toxic and destructive. had the same issue with my married man, i met him at work he was my boss, after six months he said he fell in love with me and the same with me, he was everything i wanted, he gave me attention, love and respect for 5 months and then started to change his behaviour. you went through so many hard situations that you deserve the best from now on! and i just want you ladies to know that if someone like me can do it, i was madly obsessed and almost crazy at one point, then so can you. she and i built a very quiet but solid relationship. i met most of them too and he is always proud to show me off and tells everyone how much he loves me. it was me that sent the last message 3 saturdays ago, so find it odd, but as said he didn’t like the content so is actually waiting for me to chase! there is so much (which all of us here understand) i wouldn’t know where to start, but an affair is just that. you have to be really really fed up to the point that you say enough and mean it! and now that he’s kind of rejecting me, i’m having a down-spiral like never before. i cried all weekend but feel this is part of the grieving / mourning process that you have to go through to get to the other side. if he did, or so much as hints that he wants us to meet, i know this one thing: i would grab the opportunity with both hands. it feels like i gave my power away, and sent me into turmoil each time, i wish i hadn’t sent them. the night before he discarded me, he was telling me how much he loved me, that i was the one he wanted to spend his life with and grow old with. i’m not sure where your feelings are at right now, but i will say, wh n i first started reading this site, i thought, “my relationship isn’t like the rest of these”, “my relationship is different, unique, rare”. the reason i’m telling all of this is because maybe i can help somebody. is, you are growing old each day without him, as he is not with you officially or full time. i can’t believe that this is the man who used to put his nose close to mine so that he could breath the same air that i was breathing. how pitiful we are, falling for someone who doesn’t even want to return it, let alone fight for us and yearn us. you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to stop dating a married man. i’m 40 and have been with this 46 year old married man for 2 1/2 years. but he can’t ask you to not have that baby and not take a decision with his life. trying now to figure out how to tell him that i can no longer do this. when i met him i was going through a lot with my family and also was going through some financial hardships. came across this site because i was looking for a book to read that would help me break things off with my mms. also get you regarding living with someone, this is why i wonder if i’ve been doing this for so long…but i also know i want a full time relationship with this man which would result in us living together, and i certainly don’t want past issues and problems with partners to stop me maybe experiencing a happy relationship. either way, he gets the best of both worlds; both you and his wife get half a life. so stand up and think and act you can be better. do deserve better than this and i sincerely hope you can move beyond where you are. reality sets in and before you know it you’re emotionally attached to someone that can only give you crumbs. crazy twisted thing is we used to be together 15 years ago for two years. wish the very best for you and i understand completely what you mean when you say you have gone through severe depression. maybe there is a chance that your married man isn’t a narcissist, but based on what we’ve all been through on here, i doubt it. who knows, maybe he thinks that will happen again, but it’s not going to because this time i am stronger and i know that this is not what i want anymore. when i am upset or need support and i am not all fun and laughs and romance, he treats me with silence..i pray to god for strength i don’t wish other women to be in my shoes. one thing that really hurts is that i have to be the one getting rid of all the mementos of us, he never had any of them of course. said i doesn’t trust him and stressed him out. he couldn’t even tell me he had a key to her home and would stop by to put up tvs. at the beginning he told me he was having problems with his partner. my mm told me that he’s not intimate with his wife, and that she has issues with going outside, and that she was raped etc. don’t forget to look in the mirror and acknowledge you and who you are now abd tge person you were before you got sucked into this situation. they’re too weak and too lazy and too afraid. find comfort in your words, and experiences, all of you. they say affairs are like addictions, the chemicals that flood our bodies and brains are hard to replicate in another situation. i miss him but on other side of me i want to move on from this. i have to take better care of me and stop waiting for someone else to fix me. i wasn’t expecting something this nice, but then i found myself greatly affected when the new girl wanted to stop – stating she wasn’t ready.. so 10 years, he has little interest in his wife, she has little interest in him and knows about you, as do friends and colleagues…yet he stays with her? my previous marriage ended as my ex husband abused me. once we had talked about and i was given permission to go to the beach with my siblings and their families, me and my kids and our parents. the few of us who have read this website never, ever, wanted to believe this was who our married men were, hell sometimes i still find myself questioning if it’s true, but that’s only during my down times.. i later went on facebook and found out he had been married 3 years now. but he lied to me about everything related to his family, i really don’t know why. afterwards, he hugged me and kissed me and said that everything would be okay, time would lessen my hurt and my feelings for him. has been the best article so far i read about how to break up with a married man. and he just left so easily and came back to his wife like nothing ever happened? reading everyone’s stories and seeing i’m not alone, i made the decision to end things once and for all. i had know the mess this is i’d never have agreed to ever see him in the beginning. he wanted to have kids and his parents pressured him and heck, even found him a bride. and it was because i’d be stressing, nervous about getting his, “are you still there” text. he is 39 years old and i’m 26 years, and he is my boss. should be for living and smiling, just look at your kids…. don’t cheat yourself on this; delete him and block him, otherwise i can almost guarantee that you will find yourself back in square one. he had a son, from a previous marriage, living with them and he committed to pay his way through college and to do so without causing chaos in his life. at first you believe that your mm is different, but the fact is, most of them aren’t. i have a handful of close friends but they have families of their own and i don’t want to be a 5th wheel even in their lives so i rarely reach out. found this article at a really good time, because he is away with his wife for two weeks and said he can’t talk to me.. he is a best friend of a family member of mine and he is married with a baby, i on the other hand should know better as am six years older than him, and have teens and am single, my choice split from the kids dad a year and half ago, never the right relationship for either of us. put me in my room and i was to stay there so they could use drugs and have sex parties etc etc. i don’t regret messaging him as he was great getting an ambulance out to me, but as he said all he did was make a phonecall…how very sad after almost 4 years he wasn’t here to pick me up when i left hospital dizzy, confused and in need of some care. but you have to figure this out and put an end to the married man once and for all and move on with your life with your bf..if he didn’t leave his wife after he met you then dont think he is ever going too. try to make new memories with people, accept that drink at work with colleague, register to the gym and go do yoga classes, plan your next trip. my uncle had a short affair with my aunt and left his first wife for her…45 years of marriage later, 2 kids and 3 grandkids and still very happy. if it doesn’t work out once, or at the most the second time around, there is no way that it will ever work out. i fell madly in love with him and felt as tho we was my soulmate. if nothing happens and he still in the marriage, i will not carry on anymore. i hate to sound so harsh, but it’s the truth you and me and everyone (men/women) in our situations need to know. even in the midst of my family, friends and countless number of blessings…i yearned for someone who doesn’t really care about me. you won't be a better woman for him, you will only be a different woman. and i don’t know how long it takes, my head feels dizzy all the time and everything looks grey around me. i counted how many times i tried leaving my ex-married man, and it is 7 on the dot. u for posting such strong words and bringing over such positivity. who knew that the moment i had a pepsi with ice, i will start shivering from cold and had a blanket on the ready to cover me. this is just one blog hg tudor has from an archive of many and i just felt like it was a good place for you to start.’s ‘happily married’ likes being married, doesn’t want to leave his wife and yet here we are. you are doing well, and you have come such a long way since you first parted away. everything i read says to cut off all communication with the married man in order to heal, but how do i do that when we have a child together? i have been in counseling now for the last 2 months and i cry constantly for no reason. then i told him i will not do that its just i want to get even with him and not serious about what i told him but he is mad so mad that i told him ok do you want us to separate now? when he contacts you to see him, remember all the things you are losing for being with someone who is taken and ask yourself if you would be able to do that to the person you love. now i’m left to wonder what his intentions were and who he really is. What is the difference between absolute dating and relative dating

4 Ways to Deal With a Married Boyfriend - wikiHow

. i even want to go look for him but then i think how we broke up and repeatedly told me that he loves his wife. it was his birthday and i both texted and emailed him.: i have a very wide experience of men, being single for so many years. hasn’t called me for the last two weeks because i abused his wife. this time i’m fighting with everything, every prayer, every blog post, every woman who has or is in the same situation. only you know – your heart knows that you deserve a better life than this. we have recently started seeing eachother but he will not text me after 5 like before and its very different. am a doctor(not a psychiatrist but a medical one) and i got my degrees by working hard and studying for years, you cannot become a doctor by reading on the internet and forming your opinions. “we” go to church on sundays and then sends one or 2 texts on the weekends. confused too, he tells me he doesnt sleep with his wife but he does, as he slipped up and told me, its breaking me so badly. i am going on 18 years and our daughter will be 16 this summer! any poor behavior cannot be put down to the fact that maybe this person just doesn’t have good values, didn’t learn decent behavior, is messed up in his own way? the difference in your psyche when you do the break up instead of waiting to be dumped is the difference between heaven and hell. that married men may really be lonely, they may be decent people but the breakup is always messy and cruel and very damaging to us. as i type this he’s in her bed and i’m stuck here all alone. i remember telling myself how much i hated her and i would never do that to someone and how much of a hoe she was. a few days letter i got a registered delivery of an envelope containing just my key. i don’t know where his head is, other than “lets take it day by day”. initially, i liked this man because of his voice, his spanish accent, then i thought it was hot he had a phd, intelligence is a turn on but once i got to know him, he was just as messed up as the rest of us. not only were my children (teenagers) and entire family stunned, but his own family were all devastated, as they had treated my children & i as if we were their real family. i’m not a religious person, but i am a spiritual one and i will pray that you’re given the strength, the courage, the wisdom and the light you’ll need to move away from the dark place you’re in. he has tied himself up even more and seems to thinking spending all day with his gf is normal and would be for the future. because he could not muster the courage to do the right thing until now, he let me down so many times that i did not have much hope anymore. if he truly loves you, he’ll take all the actions he needs to while you’re no contact and then come for you. he won’t marry you or leave his wife or give you a baby or any of those things you deserve..he would call and text…like why you ignoring me…but yet he can easily do it me…. the only way you can escape from letting that happen again is to block him on every site and phone you own. since he never planned on making a choice, his daughter turned out to be a great minion for him, in disguise. i was constantly disappointed that he couldn’t spend time with me, all the while i had to watch him go on a vacation with his wife and 2 kids. have been there, so i will tell you this: if you truly want to cut ties with this married man, delete his number (do not memorize it first), block him and delete him on all social network accounts. it was truly a one night stand no need to tell your bf, it will only hurt him not you. i feel so horrible about myself and when i sleep with him, i feel like trash. at least we have each other, and we help each other. did i realise i was about to fall in love with this man and him me. these words you used, “i feel so alone without him, he’s become my world” are words you need to change because you are not alone and he is not your entire world. and thinking positively about the future is the way forward ☺ they’ll be good days and bad days but i know that my bad days will never feel as bad as the disappointment and dispair i felt on a regular basis! i know i’ll come out of this soon, i have to. he once said to me, “i wish you had children yourself sometimes so that you would understand my position. a friend of mine introduced us but she wasn’t aware he was married. as his mother told him, there is now carnage all around him to be cleaned up and it will be the toughest thing he ever endures. it was the best spent in my life and i truly believe it came to me as an answered prayer.. i never really took much notice to him and even thought him a bit odd really as he used to send me all the fashionable pics of himself but i did exchange some too of my sense of fashion. i now wish that i had initiated the break up, because the sense of rejection i felt was something that was really really hard to come to terms with. i know i love this man but i can’t leave my husband now, and my family will completely disown me. i keep imagining of him being happy with his pregnant wife, expecting their baby girl, and taking care of her, being sweet to her the way he used to be sweet to me. this just eroded my soul, my confidence and my self esteem. we both knew this was a temporary moment in time. i must say i wish i could go to bed and wake up a few years from now being all happy. thank you for responding, you are so right, they are cowards…selfish also, or they would realize how they were hurting us. so are we to pressume that if they have some traits they are a narcissist? he said he didn’t want to cause chaos in his son’s life at a time when he needed to be focusing on his education. i really sucks to be in love with someone and have it blow up that the person isn’t ready. we need to change that and get a new routine. in some of his past drunken rants he had said some horrible things. one thing i have seen by talking to sharon, liz and foreverwaiting is that we were all becoming different people than who we really are. he has 3 kids and is a doctor and very committed, him and his mrs have broke up before and got back for the kids sake and cos of what people will say cos in there culture divorce or separation is like one of the worst things. am in the same boat as you lam, i never imagined this would happen to me and it hurts so much! the married man may have detached from you emotionally but that’s because their brain is wired differently to ours. i know you hurt bad, and that type of love is so intense your brain stops working. having other people in similar situations who can relate to you is definitely comforting and it gives me courage to let go of this man. i am also confident in the fact that the day i come across a good man, i will appreciate him. i told him, how would he feel if i just turned up at his home and told him to fk off.. today i got out of bed talked to a friend who knows my situation and had the same hellish cycle i am at the moment. my married man is my colleague and we work together in the same ward, thank god he is not my boss. as clearly things were not that bad if they made a baby, but it seemed around this time that things started getting more intimate between us and i put my concerns aside..im happy but the other said still have pain cos he is married. i was with my boyfriend for five years and after five years of dating i founded out on the day of his wedding that he was getting married. i am praying that i have the strength to do this. i am so lucky in amazing friends who love me and are helping me get through this. it’s because they miss the fuel we’ve provided them. i am so thankful i came across this page on how to break up with a married man, i relate to every single one of you and you have given me so much, saved me. my am just talks about us the same each year, and nothing changes! telling me that the only regret he’s ever had in his life is not meeting me first. i know i’ll have more bad days ahead, but i’ll look to these posts to find comfort and strength. the previous night he told me how much he loved me, how i was the only one who could ever love him the way he wanted, needed and desired to be loved, and how much he couldn’t wait to live our life of love together “for all eternity”. he has asked to see me many times via facebook, says he misses me. informed me monday he’s leaving his wife, they have agreed their marriage has been over a few years and staying together for the sake of their daughter isn’t fair, she didn’t cry or ask if they could reconcile. i mean we don’t live a life together nor anything else outside of work because he is married but to put it plainly, it is based on secrets., and all the others who’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel, you are incredibly strong to have achieved that. women get frustrated with their husbands who often can’t cope as well with work and doing their share of the work at home and with kids. came accross that website and your comments as i was trying to get away from a difficult situation. i can foresee how happy he and his wife are while i’m counting the day to survive. holidays, birthdays, weekends alone… no dinners, holding hands in the street, taking vacations together, movie nights and sleepovers. i came out a difficult marriage and my married man has been unhappy a very long time in his. he made so many promises and set so many dates of when this would take place and when that would take place. we broken up so many times and got back together but now its really over. i am sure you are all going through a nightmare and feel alone and not loved – but hey, let them be with their wives and pitty their lives until their death. i like many, never…ever thought i would be with a mm because like others i detested women who could do that. i did that with her for a few weeks and didn’t like it so i told her to go find what ever she had to find and when she was done and wanted to get back together, if i was still available we would try again. a colleague who is actually a close friend of my am for about 10 yrs, managed to keep his job but needed somewhere new to stay, he came over and liked the room so i got that sorted too (there was no more rent from the am). time yet he just ignores me and gets on with his life like i didn't. i stocked myself up with some ice-cream for valentines day and got a new lovely jacket! when his work here was done he went back which was horrible. we go back and forth in this dysfunctional cycle of missing each other. yes he is the most incredible man i have ever met, but, he also isn’t the most honest either so that kind of cancels the good bit out! i want to quote one thing that is said on the fb site … “some people hear the word sociopath, they imagine a psychopathic killer, but sociopaths do not kill the body. problem is we live in the same building… when we went into this it was sex… i don’t want anything from him but him to be truthful and we practice sex safe. we do both deserve better, wishing you the best and all the happiness for the future. a narcissists biggest fears are losing control and being outed for who they truly are. when it comes to final decision, he still chooses his wife over me, his unborn daughter over me, his family over me. wish i knew a way to feel all the things that i know. have been reading all the comments and i feel sad that there is so much heartache in your lives. i really am not strong enough to endure this but nor am i strong enough too let him go. of course he turned it around on me and said that i was blocking him out my life and he would never do that to me because he loves me too much. i’m addicted and i can’t seem to get myself out long enough before i’m begging for more. he swears that he has not slept with his wife either in 15 years. don’t do it to capture him, don’t keep it expecting anything more than man feeling cornered into a decision. i recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try him because he will help you and make things be the way it ought to be. think anybody like me who wants to voluntarily be a tp, should think again and not do it, i think most of us who end up in that seat end up there by deception by the “almost divorced” new girlfriend or boyfriend lying to us , but look behind the scenes at the lifestyle. i’ve had the silent treatment since nov 7th because i spoke up about his wife. for the last year i don’t even know what was reality and what was illusion. when i was suffering and lonely one day, i really wanted to call my married man but never could, he didn’t use a cell except on rare occasions, and i thought to myself ‘ how insane is this? if he truly respected what you wanted, he would’ve left his wife immediately after realizing he was in love with you, instead of making you wait year after year after year. nope, not even his 5 year old daughter could’ve stopped him from wanting true peace, happiness and love in his life. i have not read all the comments here but seeing that there are so many makes me feel less alone. married men persuade you you’re their soulmate, and create this fake world…i will find the links soon and post them here! we have been having the affair for 2 1/2 years with a baby i sadly miscarried with . isn’t it astounding how this scenario has so many common features, behaviours, and patterns throughout most if not all of the mm relationships ? i just wish that i had been as open as i was in the letter years ago before he met his wife. you hear the hate which they talk about the side chick or the other woman. i love him so much but last dec 26 we had a major fight which i told him i will talk to his wife ( thou i will not do that, just want to get equal because of all the nasty things he told me) he was very angry and shouted every hurtful words he can throw to me like don’t you dare, you don’t know the implications of what you just told me, this will be the last time that you can bother me etc etc. everyone… after searching google, i came across this site on how to break up with a married man and started to read everyones comments. when i was with him nothing else mattered, and when i wasn’t… everhthing mattered. but when you’ve tried all the ways and you keep failing, i guess we will know when its time to give it up. it’s hard to figure out what is going through their heads, i don’t think they even know 🙁 i wrote that post, because i was trying to look at it all from a diff perspective, i know i am probably wrong, but i am just hoping some of them out there are not just liars and users. these men would not be the first men in history to get a divorce and still be an active, loving parent to their child. & lost, you done the right thing and i admire you for the braveness you has. you are young, you have life in front of you and you deserve a real relationship with someone who will be there 100% of the time, not just giving you crumbs from his life. i would have fought for him, had he decided to be with me but he didn’t…so off i go…no more hoping and waiting. and i think he will not do any way to contact me at all he will ignore me and will not talk to me unless i am the one to go and make a move to talk to him. for all the posts really interesting having been used as atp and badly hurt by someone my advice is never never get involved with someone who isn’t truly available and honest with their intention as they will suck the life from you and discard you like a used rag when it suits. we parted ways in september last year for a month (amicably because it was the right thing to do) but by october i called him one vulnerable morning and asked him if we could be friends (which obviously resulted in just picking up where we left off). we can change our relationship to those events be smart about it and work on the present to prepare the future. i’m not blaming her bc i think it takes two to tango and in every relationship there are two parties at play. he’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a man, you belong together…but he’s married. sadness and pain will come and go till some day that they will be dissappear…don’t try to ignore them. i was there too, i was too hurt, and i was in so much pain and i wanted to reach out to him to let him know how devastated i was,to let him know how much i missed him. treated me and told me how he’s never been in love before, how he’s never let anyone in. if you’re serious about breaking up with this married man, you need to prepare yourself to hear the answers you don’t want to hear. is absolutely killing me i don’t know why he hasn’t bothered trying to make things ok. have told him to rekindle things with his wife or move on. do you crave the excitement from something that is forbidden fruit? when i woke up, i simply took another one to put me right back to sleep. i would think that would be a lot harder to deal with, but if it happens, i know you’re strong enough to handle it! because of many factors, they have many outside interests, and don’t share outside passions or interests. sums up what most of us feel, from a love like no other, a connection we don’t even see our friends and families etc have…but it all comes to nothing. then her brother later told him that his sister didn’t want the divorce. if i will not do a move he will not talk to me anymore and ignore me. but at the end of the day, you will realize how ignorant he is, cruel he is, and that’s when you will accept the harsh fact. i’m hoping that if he gets in contact next year i will feel strong enough to finally talk and get my answers but for now, i miss him so much it hurts. he’s never said he’s miserable at home and i do not want him to leave his family for me. if you are looking for love, marriage, and long term commitment in your life, then dating a married man is the absolute last thing you should think about doing. the past 9 years, i lost my daughter, my husband and my mother…i haven’t dated for 5 or 6 years. says that i am not his, that i am “others” he wants me to stay home, doesn’t like me doing anything even if it is with my kids. we started parting our ways for financial reason, i started doing my own job and staying separate from him and he was also not so keen on staying with me. i never know how long it take to get over this thing, i guess i will need to wait and be patient. i asked about the women, he said he friended them by mistake, but they comment and like his statuses on fb, so i don’t really buy it. reading all these testimonies and knowing that i am not alone does help a lot. it’s been 2 days that we did not text and i am a bit crazy. we dated for 3 weeks and were in an exclusive relationship for 5 weeks. i found out last saturday that my guy of 6 months was married. it’s horrible i can’t get my head around it and what’s worse is i can’t stop seem to think about him. the next day he left to go to his home state where his wife has been living (he’s in the air force) and i haven’t heard from him since. if yes, the mm should have been with me instead of his wife, but no, the fact shows different ending. it is like nothing i have ever experienced in any “normal relationship”. i responded with, “the truth is, it’s not your circumstances causing our hardships, it’s us” … and i’ve not heard from him since (6 mos tomorrow). now i am not saying that some or most men described on this site may not have” narcissistic traits”. have a doubt that his wife might also be there though she was nowhere in any of those pics. that is all on you and i am so happy you did. is it just me or do i feel like he is putting me in the position where he will always know where i am at because i can’t go anywhere due to no car or contact other guys due to no phone or buy anything due to no money? i know he watches me and i know he sleeps with other women. in march, he brought me back to his hometown to meet his family and friends. i asked him about him getting married and how he could do it especialy since before the incident he had promised to marry me and he said it was pressure from his family and his wifes family and the fact they have kids that i did not know about. honest to god, sharon, i am so grateful that you sent me to hg’s site and that i learned about narcissists. it helps you take your power back from the get go and the road to recovery is less rocky than if you keep the back and forth. you have described exactly what it feels like to be in a situation like this. if you are looking for marriage, you may be better off not dating a married man. when conception didnt take place, i asked him over and over:1) why he was not going to a dr. he is a secret, someone i look to temporarily for some affection only to feel the loss more afterwards. draw on your friends and even your family if you have to. i felt proud to say no i have plans and i am not changing them 🙂 i need to celebrate the small steps so i see i am not in this for ever. he set me up with my own hair business and does a lot for me. although you may be dating your boyfriend during his divorce, you will still have to contend with how his wife might view you. they were never seen laughing/smiling with each other or truly enjoying each other’s company and he always told me their relationship was no different at home and, in fact, there was no intimacy or affection at all and there hadn’t been for years. she confronted him and we changed to texting and e-mailing each other without skipping a beat. if you think for once that that man doesn’t think about you you are very mistaken. i knew instinctively there was something wrong but he was so hot and the sex was a drug i could not say no to. the first thing you need to do is exactly what you’re doing … having no contact! is a matter of time i will run into them…i happy i have the last words and see them in pains. i showed resolve but am still living and grieving the heartache of a fantasy. god will never open the door for you for what you truly deserve until you close the door with the married man. i’m in a much better place now (time is a good healer, i’m in the ‘shock’ stage, not the shock of not being with him, but all the lies, manipulation and at some points nastiness to get what he wanted over the years….! well this morning i woke up,went into the livingroom, said you did’nt come back to bet, he said sorry, so i went back to bed for a few min knowing he went on his walk,when he returned he came into the bedroom and said, why don’t you go home for a few day’s and give us a break,then come back and we will go to the concert and see what happen’s, i said ok, so i went into the livingroom sat down and asked,what is really going on with you, he said he is not falling inlove with me and he don’t love me, he thought he was ready to move on but he is not, said he is used to being with his late wife of 17 yrs, and being alone as he was a truck driver and said he was only home for acouple days then gone again, he stopped when she fell termianally ill, he told me he’s not emotionally there and not ready for a relationship, he said it’s not me at all just that he need’s more time, he went from making plan’s last night getting a small business going wanting me to run it,to this morning breaking it off, just telling me wed night he’s my man, oh and friday night reminding me that i will wait. i’m sure he’s back in town and my gut tells me that she moved back with him this time. into a relationship with a married man might seem appealing to some women; however, it can also become a very difficult and painful experience. i despise myself for watching the mouse hole with such eagerness. feeling extremely down at the moment sort of given up on myself just feel completely rubbish. here are some things to consider if you are dating a married man. what will you tell your friends and family about how you met?.natural and we share so many of the same interests and and and. and worse as in-could you really have been taken in by something that was only smoke and mirrors in retrospect? there’s something wrong about that sentence because no princess would be kept in the dark and be given such pain by a man. i’m really struggling with all of this and genuinely cannot see how to be happy again. looking back now though, after nearly 5 years of having what i thought was the most beautiful, loving relationship i could have ever imagined in my life, i do have to wonder if it really wasn’t planned by him. you should be fully aware of this if you plan to continue your relationship with your married boyfriend. i don’t know anyone who is going through the same and your journey to a better life give me hope that i can do it as well. guess i’m still shocked, i’m still guarded and will see what the future brings. i wish there was a formula to get over the pain and heartbreak. like a huge dummy, we snuck away yesterday and today to have breakup nooky. the obesession is now all in my endless thoughts of him, but i trust that this too shall pass. on the other hand, if he freaks out in 1, 2, 5 years because he went straight from his marriage to my bed, i’ll be 1,2 or 5 years old and frankly, my star is going to start waning any day now. only advice to you young ladies please think a hundred times before you go in this relationship.’ve never had the guts to ask, but i assumed he was going through problems with his wife. your words of no contact is what needed to happen. we have good time and i feel he’s sincere. what’s sad is just when we think we have it all figured out they toss a wrench in our gears! “is he thinking of me, is he going to text me, why doesn’t he need me, why does she win, why do i lose” to “why am i letting her win, why am i letting him win, i want to win, i want to be happy, i want to be loved”. i miss him but on other side of me i want to move on from this. i feels used for sex because he is in a sexless marriage which i was in too. his wife makes most of the money in the home and everything is pretty much in her name. narcs are masters at their game and tears are on top of their list of weapons to use against you. Entering into a relationship with a married man might seem appealing to some women; however, it can also become a very difficult and painful experience. but the way he told me the news made me upset and i don’t know why. carried on with their lives as normal, whilst turning ours upside down and creating extremely lonely, sad and very depressing times. i am not even sure i believe what he tells me because when i flipped his facebook and discover that the photos he posted are all happy ones with them hugging and arms around each other. i just could never see myself wrecking her and the baby’s life. sharon, yes i did thank you so much and i also replied a few times with photos too. have been dating my married boss for 3 years until his wife came to my house and all hell broke loose, i’ve left my job because she promised to kick me out if she finds me in the office and so pity my so called boyfriend is a coward he can’t stand up and be a man. you already know that he is willing to say what he needs to say and do what he needs to do to get what he wants. so somehow the grip this man had on my psyche dimmed, i had so much more to think of. at best it’s a low thing to do and at worse you lead to sundering the family apart. i’m now on my first full day of zero contact with my married mam. when he wants to change partners, when he finds family is still the most important to him. just focus on your work and the moment you finish your day, run out and go home. it seriously is not worth it and you’re absolutely right … if a man truly loves you and wants only you, nothing can stand in his way. a married boyfriend will likely try to keep your relationship a secret. he threw me to the gutter like trash even though he professed his deep, undying love for me the night before. easier to just call it a mistake and grovel to her. furthermore, he’s never going to leave his wife and why should he? i know everyone has to do this in their own way and in their own time, but a few things i would like you to focus on when you’re ready, and even if it’s one thing at a time, start getting rid of everything truly meaningful that he gave you (letters, cd’s, clothes, pictures, texts, voice mails, emails, jewelry, etc. i know what she looks like and i know her demeanor. although i am in an extra marital relationship myself, i can’t in any honesty justify it by saying it’s because my husband is bad. for me, i’ve moved past the point of bewilderment, heartache, devastation and anger, but i’m not so sure i can ever meet anyone again without seeing red flags where there may not be any. (since he left and followed his wife i guess i can say no) and today i ended up commenting on one of his public posts in facebook and when i checked it again. i violated my own hard-and-fast rule against dating such women, but there really are no exceptions to good rules like that, and you break them at your peril. last night i had a dinner party at home and while we sat around the dinner table and laughed it occurred to me that on monday i won’t tell him about my weekend ever! last thing, do not ever tell anyone who may be a narcissist that he/she is one, it could be dangerous to do so..It took me 6 years to realize i evolved my life around a married man who did and still does love but couldn’t give me a healthy relationship. i blocked his phone number and email address so now the only way he can reach me is through work im. at first i didn’t believe it – but a year or so ago i saw this with my own eyes when one colleague (the guy/friend who pops over) left the works car park the same time as us and my ex am went mad at me saying we were almost caught and he doesn’t want his friend to know he was lying to him for years! these guys do not deserve to see us ladies, they do to love us, adore us, no, they use us and we do let them do that, more we invite them to do it. i just broke it off with her and told her that i’m going to open myself up to meeting and dating new women. he constantly talks about me moving in with him…almost 4 years…wow if in the ‘real’ world i’d have hoped to have moved in after 1 year…but to keep this illusion up, everything has to go on repeat…., it literally kills you they will manage to live without you even after to have done so much for them.) how did he expect us to live together and raise a child if he was married -no response. he only cared for me as long as i was in his safety bubble of narcissism, those little gifts were in his safety net of not getting financially caught, he did the max he could to keep me nearby, interested, romanced, somehow that made him feel like the macho man. i know how much it hurts, and if i could come to wrap you in a hug i would. dec 30, 2015 was our last passionate moment…his wife found out we were together, he told her everything. as with all of you, i was bathed in the light of love and caring, he couldn’t do enough for me. no one knows about me, even though i saw his son many times on facetime. can he get off scott free and not let it affect his life yet let it ruin mine. that it is her he goes home to every night. i will do my best to part in a peaceful way and keep good memories of the love i got to experience with this man. you have made the hard decision to focus on the baby, now eat healthy, sleep, listen to music. you are left sitting there with your glass of wine in your hand crying inconsolably because you feel so empty inside. a deep breath, tell yourself you are worth so much better than this, and you are! if that is the case then why does she stay with him? that’s how he would help me and i know he would do it for my well being. if there is a chance for him to work on his relationship at home , i will happily step away.. here is my pattern here and i really am apologising to all you readers out there in advance in the hope you havnt fallen asleep reading and listening to me so far. believed everything he said and i held on to hope. it took me three tries, always going back on my own, but the last time i finally set a deadline for him to make a change, he discarded me like trash after a nearly 5 year relationship. i can take a wild guess and say that at least 95% of you on this site are empathic and you’ve been exploited and manipulated. 18 months down the road, my mm moved out of the apartment and stayed alone. cannot see it because you are in his grip still. we talked about where we’d live and how we would come home to each other every night and always have love to give to one another. i then told him i will never ever be able to trust him again and want nth to do with him. am at the moment is married to a muslim man who is married. i know you may not want to hear this but i suspect you know this deep down anyway. i was vulnerable because i had not gotten over my divorce and jumped straight into this toxic relationship with my married man.. my reply is always please stop contacting me as i have morals and if you are single look me up etc. on the one hand, i was shocked that he emailed me, and on the other hand, i wasn’t surprised at all. i turned down a big payout 6 months ago as he still worked there…this has all gone so so wrong…i’ve no pay out of job now! i will not entertain going back unless he is single. i am married as well, and realize that i have to deal with that and move on or work on it. he is too coward to make a change and decides to ohnore me when i went away (but he can go whenever he wants). but after i contacted him a week ago, it opened my eyes and made me realize that i can go on without him. i’ve tried breaking it off numerous times and like you get the begging, pleading and threats of wanting to kill himself. i would drive to his work for lunch and thats how we kept it hidden for 6 years. it has given me the courage to say ‘i’m better than this’. i guess we all need to learn how to be happy by ourselves first and stand firmly on our own feet.…controller…narc…he keeps proving to me more and more. and i will be well while that coward who i made love to over 100 times, continues to lie and cheat. i was enjoying the honeymoon period and suddenly he pulled the plug saying things were moving too fast he is not ready (he finalized his divorce paper in feb). this man who is in front of me is a stranger and is nothing and no one to me anymore. i am a good person that fell into a trap and i cant fall into his again. i can honestly say, although in denial of loss, it only being a week, it was debilitating at times, to be in love with someone who loves you as much as he did, but not enough to end what worked with his wife. i should listen to him as he said “maybe it will do you some good”. i miss him all the time, in everything i do, everywhere i go. it’s quite likely that you don’t know exactly what you want when your life is in transition and your emotions are at an all-time high. i promise you though, by educating yourself, you will see things more clearly and get better xo 🙂. but the hypocritical part is that i would never want my future husband to cheat on me, so how could i let someone’s else’s husband cheat on them? we went together on a trip for thanksgiving, and he introduced me at a christmas office party to co-workers as his girlfriend. you just have to lose the resistance to the fact that there is no tie between you whatsoever anymore. but i know this is all not going to end well for me. in the end the other woman gets hurt,sad and feeling isolated. we just sparked and had an immediate connection and the attraction was unstoppable. did things with my friends,kids and enjoyed myself anytime there was a gab till i mastered how to live without him. its been 4 months and no contact, even though we have seen each other twice in the hallways. i can’t talk to anyone about this except this forum. this is his second marriage and she stole him from her best friend! i am like most of you, can’t meet anyone that feels as good as he did, but i am now in the phase when being alone and being good with myself is what i want. as i read his good morning message to me, i noticed it came across more scripted than genuine. he’s capable of manipulating me in the best possible way and every single time i fall for his manipulation. it’s not even like we argued like he just stopped talking for a week and then sent me that stupid message trying to make it look like he was waiting for me to speak when it was him who stopped! ive never brought up his wife he says i’m sorry i cant walk, i said i never would expect you to. he set all kind of restrictions and i, of course, agreed. he couldn’t hug me when i needed it, i couldn’t call him when it happened (weekend), he was careful to not be too sympathetic, and what i realized is he isn’t even a real, healthy friend.’d have loved to have ranted and got his support as he is so good at that (aren’t they all! he literally throws tantrums when something doesn’t go his way or i have to say something honest and forthcoming. i was scared but thought maybe he was someone i could trust and love, he seemed like an angel. don’t be hard on yourself if this has happened. i’m half dead while all i can picture is how he’s happy with his life, his wife, his family and expecting his first child with a bright future ahead., off the subject of those weirdos for a minute, and just out of curiosity, do you mind me asking what part of the world you live in? none of us in this thread ever think it would have happened but it did and we fell hard. your life can be so much more fulfilling and interesting! sharon, and the others, when you talk about not loving again like you did…i don’t believe that at all now., what you says almost explains my married man’s behavior. take sharon’s advice and check out the link to the website she provided. it began as a psychical attraction and is now a loving, emotional connection that runs deep and wide. i’ve always had trust issues and now they are worse. there are days i just let the time go slowly, i hold on to my pain, cry, and sleep the day away.’t get me wrong, i do feel the pain and the hurt and i sneak to find time to cry my eyes out but i need to step up and be strong. i am sorry for that, but we all need men who have balls to take a decision. those men will never be happy nor free, and on their death bed they will face the regret of their life, but you won’t have to do that. is why i waited till after the divorce was finalized before joining sites like this.. i still want to cry and it has been 4 months. i go home to my future ex husband, after being alone all day and he is/was my only escape. … i feel pretty damn smart now after learning all i did, and by god, so should you. wish all of you the best as you progress in your recovery. guys can stay in situations and be content even if they aren’t happy. i wish i did, but i was in love and stayed and became the contrary of the person i always was : i became weak, dependant, sad and depressed and i was always smiling, happy, making everyone feel great. we still have opportunities unlike our married men stuck with their wives. his family is 5hrs from my town and he was working here when i met him. we both are married, i have a young child as well. and inside me i felt encouraged and strong and willed i wont. for anyone who may want to speak, i created an email address [email protected], do not hesitate to write there too in a moment that is hard, i will reply asap., it’s been really helpful to see all the other comments, and read everyone’s stories.’m trying to keep myself preoccupied and i’m not checking his facebook every five minutes of each day now, i try not to at all but sometimes i succumb.” “what if he really is on the road to end his marriage for me? im alone in a business trip and i am about to give in and write to him telling him how much i miss him when your comment came. he is living in his own lie, his own fantasy i’m entangled in. i wish you all the best, be strong i am thinking of you. my head was spinning i knew that i had to kick him out right then and there but i didn’t, i couldn’t. following week, i bumped into him after work and we ended up getting left by all of our workmates because we were so absorbed in each others conversation.) and sometimes it takes a few attempts to get it right, but, please do not expect the married man to come running. you may risk discrimination by people who happen to be in some way connected to your boyfriend’s wife. i would be there for him and be with him, if he contacted me and was free, but sadly, i don’t think that will ever happen and i have to face it! all i knew was i wanted the truth, and although i knew i’d really never get it, i didn’t give up putting the pressure on him. we met yesterday and talked about this and he told me he would never leave his kids for me and i told him im not asking him too and he said the wife and kids come as a package if she goes then the kids go too. it is easy to believe everything that your mm tells you. liz, i am so happy knowing you’ve sought out counseling for this because it is absolutely a big deal. i have been living in their home for about 6 months now and i have mentioned to him that i want to leave because i’m not happy.. it is me that is starting to realize that sharing him is killing me. the other thing that helps with staying away is that we won’t have the chance to let someone walk into our lives who will be free to love us unconditionally unless we stay free from married man…texts included. even once after him telling me that he and his wife were expecting their second child. in answer to your question, i think i can answer for most of us that we keep going through these cycles of making and breaking up. felt my face grow hot as i read his words…. just feel like i’m stuck because i have no one i can talk to and all i do is go back and forth from what i thought was true to not really knowing what’s true at all. this is my way of saying to myself – you made yourself a fool for a year but you’ll redeem yourself! i’m afraid that every man i meet i will compare to my married man and i’m afraid i will push them away. i’ve been separated for a year from my husband and just waiting for the papers to be processed for finalization. always hated side chicks, didn’t respect “the other women”, and vowed, i mean vowed, that i would never do that. i told him i was pregnant and he wants me to have it, in secret of course. and your purpose is definitely not to satisfy some man who isn’t willing to change his life for you right now, no questions asked.’re in love with the bits and pieces he shows you., the thing is is that he won’t leave his family. i didnt checked in my other phone like every minute and i used to hang my phone beside my bed. we said our goodbyes over text and i asked him to never contact me. he still with his mistress when he had his relationship with me (if this true, he has 1 wife and 2 mistress – what an amazing man *crying*). when i think back to how i once felt about him and who i believed him to be, it hits me very hard. if you are not getting what you need from your husband, re-evaluate what is wrong in your marriage causing you to seek emotional solace and support from someone else. i feel that because of how it ended, all my lovely memories are tarnished forever. i hope every woman or man reading this can gain the strength to finally come to a point where you decide you deserve more. if i take a vacation i don’t want to have to “use” his money. since he’s a veteran at this, why should i not be his last? i read somewhere than focusing too much on relationships and wanting to have someone is a sign of boredom. every action, i see more and more who he truly is – a narcissist. 3 weeks after that i contacted again and met him twice for drinks and then it started up again for 2 months. it’s not like the wife suddenly became fun or sexy or whatever it is that they were seeking when they came to us. that’s a pattern and i even have male friends who do that. i’m starting to think this is all that i am. the next few days and weeks will be horrible…it has been for all of us. i’m not sure if your’e young, inexperienced, or just closed minded, but there is hurt here that can’t be healed with chocolate, poetry, nor logic. i had been with my mm for nine years myself, but i am married too so there was no question of leaving our spouses and kids, it was just that he completed me in a way my husband never could, and we were more of friends than lovers anyway. for me anyway, i feel desperate sometimes but have to remind myself that no matter how great it felt when we were together that i’m better off without him and the lies. the last 2 weeks i have backed off, made him realise my life goes on, i’m in a great place. only when i backed him in the corner did he admit–loveless marriage, blah, blah. i can’t get up today and i’m so sad…i can’t wrap my mind around the fact hat i’ll never have him again, and it’s hard to imagine that all the special moments we shared are now just memories. amanda, when i was reading your story, i started crying! now four months later he’s the first person i speak to in the morning, the last person i speak to at night, and we snatch any time we can on the phone or in person that we can. he told me he would not break his marriage because of his kids. he’s been with his wife since highschool (he’s 40 i’m 25) and they have kids together. i think he will end up the more miserable one since his life is such a mess. i’m only a few years older than you and mine started when i was 27 too through work with someone that much older than me too. he even texted me one day and said he thought about telling his wife about us but was scared to because he was afraid she would never let him hang out with me again. look ahead for the light of truth, not backwards into the darkness. they are most often than not, classic textbook cases of being involved with a narcissist. but now i feel he is meant to be mine and so badly want him for myself. accidentally found site and the comments on how to end a relationship with a married man. don’t get me wrong, as beautiful and as loving as it was, it was still filled with lies, trips with his wife, and extensions on “his” deadlines. i, on the other hand, vowed never to be that t. and the observant part hits home…that is so true, he observes everything i do and say…. i saw him and had a huge crush on him but found out he was married so i forgot all about him. from my experience, my married man ended things with me twice and that feeling of being let go and abandoned is absolutely awful. i truly believe that when he justifies his actions, turns things around on me, calls her out for potentially dating someone else, he believes in his mind that he is right in doing so. i have taken his phone number off my phone so cant contact him that way but still have him on facebook, for some reason cant take him off that. i wanted to text him so many times before and never did but yesterday i was weak., because you are letting him , leave him alone it proves he doesn’t want you, that he has stayed with his wife, why are you confused, seems to me your willing in his games, he doesn’t love you , or his wife, the only person he loves is himself. even if he loved me, wouldn’t he want me to be in a relationship with someone who is available to me and puts me first? i sometimes worry about my own future as i want children and don’t have all the time in the world to have them, but just don’t know how i can move 100% forward from this. flash forward put my kids through college and marriages…still alive.. but i need to stay strong when others upset me or i have a problem and stop running to him…as i can only ever message, he can take hours to reply…and i need to find a way to ignore things upsetting me (like this friend,i hope i didn’t offend her but i read back and it was a nice but hard text trying to get her to see my point). suppose this was the best response i could have gotten. both quit our job because our boss probably knew that we had something going on and was harassing and mistreating us. one knows for certain what his wife has endured while he’s been allowed to play with his new toy (me and you). i will be the first to tell you … i understand completely, and the longer you allow yourself to stay with this mm, i promise you, you will fall farther into the denial trap. i just wish he would get exactly what he deserves. i feel this weekend as didn’t want the few friends near me coming round in the state i was…but left hospital alone, today alone…that is the life of a mistress. i here to stop him from brainwashing you over and over again. he first told me he was separated and lived with a friend. when i asked why she could and i couldn’t, he replied, “if you want to be treated like her, then act like her” so, no tattoo for me. i can understand that but at the same time if you love someone don’t you want to be with them and sleep with them. it’s now 8 months later and she’s still there. i had a bad weekend and ended up reaching out to my am, more than i have done in a few weeks, but ended up in hospital on a drip. the courage to move on and stay moving away physically and mentally. it took me a whole year of intermittent silent treatment and back and forth until it just broke my mind and then thought i either get out or i will die. the potential in reflecting on your own marriage and deciding if you can love that man again. when i’m feeling up, which is most of the time now (9 mos. it’s time for you to stop being afraid of losing him and start being afraid of losing yourself, which is what you’ve already done because of him, and does he care about what’s happening to you? claims he doesn’t see his friends much as he’s working non stop.. keep sending thoughts and strengthe drawn from each one of us is amazing. this time he started saying he was going to divorce his wife. at the same token later on i told my married man i was spending time at my son’s house beach for three weeks he mentioned he wants to spend time with me there. i’m just winding down and that’s when i start thinking about him. throughout this journey with my affair partner, there were points that had to be reached before he could leave his wife and be with me. and he is so dumb that he kept the back up of all those pics with his son in his laptop so i got to know. he is going to be livid when i don’t respond.’s replied by comment in the blog, he basically said he missed me any f**ing day, and that i had no idea what he’s going through and not a second passed by that he didn’t think about me., i know it’s not easy to walk away when he’s showering you with love and affection, but that is what’s called “the golden period”. loving and leaving a married man can drive you crazy and make you do and say things that are not the real you. you started your healing, you saved your self, don’t go back. i’m in such a predicament and i really don’t know what to do anymore. now even when i see any happy young family, the hatred comes my way because i think his would be the same, i can see that smile, that happiness, that picture they post on facebook, i can imagine them all which drives me nuts. when he praises you it lifts you up and when he doesn’t you are down. i tried to be strong knowing this things but believe or not, i never think of hurting his family for this affair. i know it may not work a 100% when the pain goes so deep and when it feels like it will never stop hurting but it might just make the journey to recovery a little bit easier. then he got married and i was so upset but he still loved me a lot and tried to maintain the relationship and we loved each other even more. this married man likes having his wife at home and you on the side, and he enjoys the feeling of both you and her loving him. and by saying all these amazing things about me being the only adult contact he respects blah blah…he is sucking me back in making me feel great about myself etcetc. when i read this piece, i thought it was truly amazing and the first thing i thought of was wanting to share it with you. disappointments…countless…that’s a big part of what helped me move on. don’t forget,heartbreak, you said yourself, “i don’t even know what was reality and what was illusion”. it seems contradictory that he is a narcissist, yet is helping people through his site. i have been noticing all of his lies, his manipulations and his disappearing acts on weekends, holidays and leave. he pursued me heavily and i was vulnerable because i was going through a difficult time with my husband. that’s the only reason these creatures come back (called hoovering on “knowing the narcissist ” website) to gain fuel of any kind, not because they missed us or loved us. he came back to work and things went back to how they were, you see as evil and horrible as it is i simply adored him, he could have done anything to me. i felt disrespected and told him about it that is when he became mad and ended it. monday afternoon he has made me smile and laugh etc, listened to my woes and by wednesday the first night he’d stay, we were a normal ‘couple’ again (albeit a very secret one)., you just hit the nail on the head:I love you but you’ll be spending every weekend alone without me for the next 200+, and i’ll be sleeping in bed next to my wife/gf and having family time with my kids, i won’t be with you for xmas, new year, easter and all the bank holidays and my actual annual leave from work, i won’t be able to phone you and we’ll have to communicate secretly, you won’t be able to call unless i can speak and it’ll be quite obvious between 6pm and 10pm at the earliest i’m having dinner with my family, bathing the kids and being a partner and dad – so don’t expect to hear from me then either, i can’t look after you when you’re ill unless its the hours i can see you (our routine) and everything else will come before you but i won’t admit it ‘ – wouldn’t you say ‘no thanks i’d rather have no one in my life? please help me understand and get thru this hard time. its hard because i feel so worthless sometimes, its like i seek and want his approval. oh, and i did keep the chains, just got rid of the pendants) and now, 7 months later i’m painting my bedroom walls from the blue he liked to the yellow i like. in fact, she is dating a married guy who happens to be a friend of mine. but i plodded along, i used to, and still wake up on a saturday morning feeling nothing less then blooming awful and utterly depressed…for 2. then about 6months ago he got into this argument with his wife (quite a big one) and they have not been sleeping together or normal together for 6 months. a lot of them are quite straight forward about how it is and promise nothing. we had amazing sex, lots of fun and he truly feels like my soulmate. i thought it won't work but i just tried to give this man a chance and i ordered a love spell. fast forward a couple of months and his wife found messages on his phone between us. so i’m going to work on that and i hope when the time comes, i can ask him. i’m so confused as to why he insists on persuing me as i’m also about four or five years older than him too. you are young and will find a guy more worthy of all the love you have in your heart. he said he would leave her but it hasn’t and never will happen. she didn’t believe me, why i was making up a story and calling me a liar…i have proof but she refused to look at it. are no winners here, just a pile of broken hearts, bittersweet memories and oceans of tears. a lucky escape is a better way to think – maybe he is really the booby prize? we lose them and that’s why they seem like such a prize and think his life went back to being hunky dory, because of our less than reasonable thinking post breakup. hope you can break away and be free from him. my married man has 3 children, one of whom is autistic. you said yourself that you know even if you write him and he writes back, it won’t change anything, and doing that just make the all situation last longer, it won’t close. 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when mc went to iraq he met a woman over there kept it from me and me from here. the question i have for myself right now is why? years, he said that was different she is not ‘new’ – the absolute bloody cheek of it! this day, like you, sim, i know that i would respond to him telling him how much i miss him if he would ever decide to bother to write to me or call me. myself is involved with a married man for 3 and half years now trust me you made the right decision lonely weekends holidays i wish i had your courage to walk away i tried several times and he sucks me right back in yes we have great sex and hes very loyal to me in ways like texts all day long phone calls visits every month i was married 2 times and both failed so maybe im afraid of full commitment or just settle for someones crumbs but if i had to do it all over i would of never got involved with a married man he lives 2 hrs away from me and im a catch for my age and the same age as you just turned 47 this past week and feel the same way you do honey if he lied to you about the marriage hes a fraud and you mentioned you paid for everything hell no a man who cheats can at least treat you because all we are to them is there dessert best wishes to u be strong im gonna let loose soon new year and new phone number always helps. i backed off said he needed to stay with her and work it out for his kids (hardest thing i’ve done), he agreed but 2 days later things started up again. i don’t sleep, i have to hear about him through friends and colleague (apparently he is doing good and making a fortune on his business…but claims to me, as he has done for years, that he can’t leave as he can’t take a salary from it or his partner…. two and a half days is a miracle for me kills me. do you think the time he go to us was the right time for me to move on and find myself again? they were in your life for a reason, even if it didn’t go the distance. she is what she is, and their relationship is still what it was when he started to stray. it has been an excruciatingly long and lonely time for me. let us know how you get on 🙂 and good luck, you’ve no need to be ‘friends’…. he took me back to my hotel and laid with me while i fell asleep for the first time in what seemed like months. it doesn’t matter if you’ve been with this man for 3 months or 10 years, if you have been dealing with a narcissist, you need to start by being patient with yourself right now. hard thing was and i read this somewhere about affairs…the married man is far more concerned about his friends finding out and their feelings than their mistresses! i met him at work 10 months ago, and we have always had a flirty relationship and it ended up turning more serious 4 months ago when after texting each other for a week or so we both admitted we had feelings for each other. are so many others, but these are a good starting place. i know you have the strength within you to do what’s right for you and you can stand in your own happiness again if you just start now. the only reason he is making himself so apparent is because i ended it with him. i used my energy to concoct a plan to reel him back in! i was discarded out of the blue after being together nearly 5 years, and after he professed all his unending love for me the night before.’ve been with a married man for the past 5 years. you will heal and you will move past this, but only if you let yourself to. he began our affair right after his baby was born. i wish you all the strength in the world to get out, it hurts you feel empty and hurt and you want to die. time is limited so its intense like a dream…it’s just not real. when i questioned him about it his response was that it was just a coincidence and i was being delusional. years when you stayed here 2/3 nights a week until june this year? not to mention that he must be seriously lacking in backbone to continue to stay with such a woman. tell me how all of you feel, my dear friends, i need the comfort that only women from this site can bring me. and i’m sure he would call me when he lands. he’s using it because it’s one of a narcissists main weapon to use against you. not sure how long i will keep this up, but trying to have convos with guys online, even if they are after one thing and not genuine…the distraction is good and attention and compliments making me feel a bit better 😊. all i wish is to be a better me than i never was and if one day i cross him i will be awesome and he still will be in his shit life. so what i decided, for the sake of my own peace, is that i will not try to explain or label his behavior. it wasn’t until i made the final deadline because i had enough that he up and disappeared. i too see my married man not every day but at least twice a month…we live in the same building. healer made another good point, that we think that the other is making us feel whole and completing us with all of their qualities which attract you, it may feel like medicine, but the wholeness is already there in you.…im also getting jealous of the life they seem to have…it looks like lala land…. forwards three years and i barely even see him anymore. i couldn’t go on vacations, couldn’t go to any gatherings or birthday parties because, “i’d look like a single woman”.’m glad that you’re getting comfort from this site. want to break free from the heartache, the pain and suffering that his marriage has created… all the things i have had to put on hold for him… my life as an adult has only known what our relationship offers…. on 1 occasion he got so jealous that i was surrounded by other guys he made me leave the party, drove me home, threw a tantrum and then abused me and accused me of wanting other men. when i talk to him sometimes his reasoning makes sense although it is always me that gets name called or bullied. it will help to set you on a different course, a course to freedom and that’s what you need right now to see things more clearly.’m sorry you are hurting so badly mel 🙁 i know exactly what you are going through and it is a pain that literally takes over every part of your life! told me in the beginning he was sleeping on the sofa, yet 3 weeks ago his neck “hurt” so badly he had to sleep in bed again. i will say this again, as i said to nen before, do it now. 3 months later he got in touch and we carried on. they have 3 children together and i never wanted to disrupt their family. have written to hg a few times and he is so thorough and honest. read how to leave a man you love – but can’t live with – for support. i would always be the object of his affections and he would never have to focus on what is wrong in his life.’m greatful that you ladies are sharing your stories, and experiences with these married men. his wife and i actually are cordial with each other now. we are not official (some of my friends know and now a work colleague) we tell them anything and everything…they are attentive, they care about the smallest things…. how could he do this to me after he repeatedly promised he would never hurt me? give you access to him for this time rather than snippets, and be a proper part of his life…. we are all involved in affairs, that’s why we are on this site. leaving my wife is not an option so if you can deal with that, we can go on. i’m going to reply to your and sharons posts above, but i’m so glad to get support here! i chose to give him more time because, as he said, it’s not easy telling someone you want to divorce just because your marriage is stale and flat. he will leave to us and be back after 2 months. they are so selfish, they don’t even care, or realize how much they destroy us! out of this world and not fake in any way. think that the fact i am finding it possible to move on is because he is making it easy. i am up and down from sad to angry, giving in for a bit and getting even angrier the next day. the first thing i will say is that it’s normal to feel the way you do. and…i reckon should i ever see my ex am, he’ll still give me the same excuses etc but then tell me he loves me and i’m his soulmate. and this certainly isn’t a last ditch effort to keep him.!) and cutting off makes me feel awful after a week or so, so now i’m playing it cool, shorter not loving but just friendly encouraging texts, very neutral and do not mention us. i was asking him to leave his miserable marriage (his words) and be with me. many victims i’ve heard from move forward into healthier relationships and marriages that last the rest of their lifetimes. you for listening and i look forward to having any replies, lucy x. might not talk about his past relationships in order to avoid revealing anything about his current marriage. would make arrangements to spend time and at the last possible moment break them. these affairs ( they are never a relationship in the true sense) are so damaging and messy, just a whole lot of s#€¥! being strong, liz, sharon, me and others are here for each other. saddest part is despite all of the rom-coms i’ve watched, he won’t discover that he loves me or ‘come to his senses’. i think the biggest thing a person can bring to a relationship is integrity. said, because loosing me is one thing loosing a best friend along with it is harder. as someone who is/also dated a married man with 2 kids i can totally relate. for me i need to go slow and steady to keep my sanity but needs to be done we deserve more. i’m sorry to say through experience, you’ll spend a week with him, be on an absolute high, then return and get so low it feels like depression, this becomes the norm and is far from the norm! even when i told him to sort out his life and not contact me, or would be upset at him and told him not to reach out, we would always cave at the 3 week mark and would see each other. once i was finally able to accept the fact that his love wasn’t true for me, the way mine was for him, it made letting go of him a lot easier. somehow i remembered i got married, had children and told him he had the wrong house. yes i am trying to make a difference in my life and make myself into something my kids would be proud of, that i would be proud of. feel like i am reading my story only that is been happening for me for two years. they’re happily married now and my friend is glad she stayed with him…but it was a long road! she said how can you threaten to take my husband he is my husband. because you know that i love you” … i just wanted to hear the word -yes- and i would have been appeased. my ex-mm never came across as controlling to me, but when you are in love, many things are blinding. i know i tried 2 prior times to not talk to my ex-mn, but after three weeks each time, i just couldn’t handle it. read your other post on “the wife”, and once again, your situation is all too familiar to me. they have 3 children together and i never wanted to disrupt their family. he said he cares deeply for me and so much so that it scares him. we met in san fran last year and have been seeing each other when we can. i am going to rome tomorrow, i hope i can not talk to him and have a happy time. i believe she’s afraid everyone else can see the reality she’s living and she does whatever it takes to protect herself.. i bet it’s no fun, and not the amazing fantasy world they have us believe. to tell when a guy is using you for sex. everything you described is my married man and our situation to a tee. i changed my attitude towards him we got closer , i let him move in my room lol, we just got super cool & i thought to myself like this too good to be true, he has a great career, not bad looking to be 42, tells me he has a daughter , & a house in texas, i said if u not married your gay, he denied being married for another month or 2, finally wen were were drunk coming from brunch heading home to cook for our friends i got it out of him, he married❗️ it’s my fault cus i should’ve broke it off then (i’ve never dated a married man), but he was like my only person who supported my decisions, & i just felt like he has my best interest in things, didn’t break it off so we lived together for 6 months whom he was here working, motivated me to get back in school, work etc got me back on track, but i’ve been feeling depressed since he left 3weeks ago❗️ i’m getting better but we are fading away, i know i deserve better & today i plan to just loose all contact, we said we were going to text & talk everyday but he slipping up! i now can’t help but believe this is all my fault. despite the fact that i was very angry at him, i told him i would put that aside, and i wished him well. he talks with you only during times when he is at work or away from home, he might be married. you start to realize that you as a woman want more, you need more affection, not just what he gives you when he can. they essentially take over, control, and steal our hearts, minds, bodies and souls and they need to be stopped in their tracks. you’re sharing him with his wife and children – but you know that if he leaves her and loves you, he will make you the happiest woman in the world. whilst you’re putting your emotions and time into this mm, you aren’t putting time and effort elsewhere, so not allowing yourself to meet anyone else. funny thing is that i do realize all those things, i know i dont love him – but something is just incredibly pulling me towards him! missing will be too much for you and you will keep going back. the second, and just as important, thing you need to do is to stop blaming yourself! are so many beautiful and nice things in our lives, we just have to see and enjoy them again…step by step. now i realize because he was probably afraid of being exposed, and that would also mean a lack of control if i left the relationship. being a narc is who they are, and there is an ugly, ugly side to them. can anyone tell me wtf is going on in his mind?. the universe gave us many signs during our friendship, but we ignored them and carried on. my mistake was not setting the boundaries for a tp relationship because my naive mind was open to where this could lead. this is not your fault and this is not his wife’s fault. he is lying to his wife, he’s lying to you, and he’s lying to himself. he and i work together and run into each other very rarely but we do. i returned to work and his first week not being there (we’d worked together for 4 years, was a huge shock, we worked on pieces of the project together 60% of the time, that’s how closely we worked for a good 3 years of the time! i couldn’t spend christmas eve with my kids because it was a last minute plan and “that annoys him”. 15 years because i’ve worked in the same building as her and her husband (my boss/the ex-narc). of course he justified it and said that he was just trying to prove to her that she is part of the reason why their relationship has failed. and being the pathetic human being i am i called . for example, she had to lie to who she refers to as her “ex husband” and her kids, about coming to my town (a major city), because on the previous trip, her “ex husband”, gave her a hard time about spending his money on this trip. just like with anything, it’s a matter of how many times your heart and brain can take a beating before you are done. throughout the two years of their separation, he has tried to get her back by taking her out to dinner and talking. things will make a huge difference, make him last on your list! you deserve roses and warm hugs and hand holding, not this. married man texted me right away after we met and we texted everyday since. he never promised anything, told me that before he met me never considered getting a divorce, he was used to be in this unhappy life and when he met me, he starting thinking of it, and now he thinks everyday. is hard but you can get through this, i promise. ask health and wellness questions and get free answers from top experts and other women who've been there. the addiction to these men (we call it love) is so strong that we can barely walk away and we’re constantly looking back … just in case. i have been involved with a married man for a little over 4 years now and am married myself. i got hit and yelled at and called terrible names every day. yes, i miss him and yes i get lonely but i keep coming back to this site and reading about the pain and heartbreak and i don’t want that anymore…i wish you great happiness with the right man. i couldn’t go on vacations, couldn’t go to any gatherings or birthday parties because, “i’d look like a single woman”. he is extremely satisfied having all his toys (you and what you give to him) in the playpen that is his comfort zone provided by his wife. i used to wonder before how someone who had a him as a husband and a beautiful daughter could be so unhappy. ok, you got a new job and i was aware it could happen but we decided to end things until he could figure out his life! he told me he had been divorced a year and a half. i met a guy fresh out of a 10 year long relationship on a dating app and after a month of chatting we finally met up. i deserve better and i need to move on from this. i cried myself to sleep that night, only to get accused of “still going and lying about it”. you will get there, the other side of this pain is a beautiful fulfilling life awaiting you. i have realized that all i have believed in since february is all lies. what a dream after being tangled up in a pointless love triangle for so many years. she started a few years ago realizing how different she looks compared to her brother and dad. the main reason why i blocked my married man from my phone is because i knew that i was deserving of a relationship that was not secretive and based on lies..I certainly do think that everyone who is an adult, knows this – that is why you have the notion of a ”rebound relationship”. if i am not ok and having a hard time, silence. i talked to him, told him what he meant to me,he told not to worry… worse of the worse, i went to see what his wife looked like online. i’m glad we could make a difference – always remember and never forget – you absolutely deserve more! and, he will bring all of his baggage, including the reasons he cheated on her in the first place, into a relationship with you. i did the unthinkable and i texted him when i knew he was with his wife and family on christmas eve. but, he keeps checking 3-6 times a day…he has not replied yet i’m sure he is waiting for more substance from me! i thought that we were on the right path but once again i am left feeling so foolish and disillusioned. the one thing you know is you cannot live like this, so really take the words here to heart and start loving yourself above all else. i knew he was married from the start and we met for work purposes a few times before anything happened. most men are coward and will never change the all house-wife-kids-job-community-friends world for love. i am also close to my 50s and i do believe it’s exactly how you describe it. bear with it, keep yourself occupied and get out meeting new friends..and i felt like i was killed in that dream, only to wake up in tears.’s a good man, i know that he really don’t want to hurt me and his family but it already happened. i just feel so negative about life and feel myself going into depression. me when i say this, no man who truly loved you would stay married if he found the love of his life elsewhere. are his dirty little secret (i suggest you read the article by the same name on the blog). i know that he’s married i know that he’s comfortable and i know that he would never leave his kids but i also know that i was not the first affair he’s had on his wife but why stay and be unhappy and lie for the rest of your life instead of telling the truth and being happy and if he’s really chosen to make this decision to stay with his wife or his wife to stay with him how do i get over this hurts how do i begin to heal after 10 years of loving the same man?. yet in the last couple of weeks i have been reeled straight back in again with the nonsense talk of how much he loves me and doesn’t know how to get rid of these feelings for me so when i ask him straight out what i was to him? when he told me that, i realized how devastating that would be if i had bumped into them, i don’t know if he really understood that initially, as he knows many people and many friends in his business,so he was covered. and worst of all how it reminded him that i was thinking of him, which handed him the power to ignore me. can and can’t believe your mm contacted you after 6 weeks and 1 day…. fast forward two weeks with no contact and i’m feeling much better and in comes a text from him. after being discarded), i know for a fact that my mm and everyone else’s on this site are narcissists. when he’s got the time, he is so on. good luck and a wonderful new life with a healthy and good baby. i fell in love with his intelligence and leadership qualities. the best thing you can do now is to love yourself, the way you loved him. just want them too, after all this time, is leave and be with us.’ve bought the caravan he and i were looking at buying, they got a new dog, she’s posting on his business page about their romantic trip to paris. that he is 52 years old and that he has never had a little girl tight p**** like mine before. i met a man in may,he just lost his wife in jan, but he said he was ready to move on and love again, we both knew there was a connection, he said he can see me in his future and was making plan’s on taking me with him,he told me he was my man, i fell inlove with him and he told me twice he loves me, future plans were in the making, he kept telling me it will get better for us when he move’s from the place him and his wife lived for yr’s, everything was going great!. even though we only met up the once for a very brief and uneventual fumble as what i would call it. said let me know if you want to meet tomorrow and i said ok and then he just stopped talking. year together, i finally started putting my foot down and gave him a deadline and 3 days before the deadline, he stopped all contact with me. if your divorce is almost final, share those details with the new person in your life without dragging them into the emotional roller coaster you might be on. then he told he will divorce his wife(he is married since 25 years with one son, and one daughter who has died at the age of 3, who also shares the same birth year as mine), but i don’t wanted to be a family breaker so i forbid him not to do so.. your mm now doesn’t need you physically so you’re dropped from a great height, i know and i’m feeling your pain, we all are here. he said he never lied to me or promised me anything and that he could not predict the future, but as of that moment he was ok with the way things were (living with his wife and me on the side). i am wondering if he is hurt or if he feels better that it is over…i know we need to let go of knowing we will never really know what they thought. i honestly don’t think he’ll leave her, he cares too much about his family’s feelings for her. getting my lover back is what i can't imagine but when i was losing newton, i needed help and somewhere to turn badly but my aunty told me about this spell caster who also helped her on the internet. true, i said, but doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to miss you! ex mm is kissing his wife with the lips that kisses you all over, what a messed up humam he is and that is not a happy family! 5 years there have been so many times where i’ve been hopelessly depressed and i’d go out with my friends have drinks and meet men almost like rebelling against him. were were friends on and off for 15 years before this all started. if you are separated, don’t say you are divorced, even if there is no chance of reconciliation. in my opinion, first take good care of yourself and the baby that is to come soon. he does as he pleases, goes where he wants and doesn’t tell me anything about where he is or what he’s doing. women who desire a married man may do so because they feel that they are a superior woman to the man's wife. it’s a very valid hope, of course you pour your heart and soul into the relationship. please, read at least 6 articles from the narcissist website and then keep reading if nothing has hit you yet. he was attached but not married then ( same person) and it was intense, an extremely comfortable connection but i broke it off after i learned they were expecting a baby. he’s the first thing that pops into my mind when i wake up and the reason i cry myself to sleep. we’ve both been through a nightmare, more so than most people can ever imagine, and sometimes the only way out, is with the help of a professional. some women are highly competitive and this competitive nature can express itself in relationships as well. truly feel like he is just laying the guilt on me at this point. this led to me developing huge feelings for him and he me, only problem is he is married with a new baby too..i am doing great in all aspects of my life except this secretive life…and im tired of the drama…., the day after, i started feeling totally depressed and weak and contacted him! were so many times that i said i was done with him, but somehow, i always went back. if you spend several years seeing somebody and being in touch with them daily – of course they will. ended up getting stranded because my friend’s phone had died so he said i could stay in his spare room because his fiancée was away for the weekend. met for coffee yesterday he said he made a mistake hurting me and his choice was wrong. he comes from a broken home so he did not want to do that to his children, meanwhile he has no problem cheating on his wife? i’m starting to feel depressed on a daily basis, knowing this love of my life isn’t mine to love anymore and hasn’t been for 8 months. years but i already felt like i’ve known my married man for years. he’d cook for a few friends that visited, lots of time with my folks who have now met him 3-4 times over 2 days the past few years…. although like i learnt the beginning of july this year…it might not give you the results you want! if that is the case then why is he constantly texting her when we are together? i just cry and obsess about him and the what ifs. i need help because i’ve been crying and i don’t know where and whom to reach out for help. and in the back of my head i always here “what do i look like leaving my wife”. may not be at a place yet (in your mind, heart and soul), for any of this to register fully, but trust me, you will gain all the answers and knowledge you need to know to help you get through this painful and difficult time. i took myself off the dating website to give myself a break, but did see my date after 2 weeks on saturday night and again we stayed up until the early hours and had a lovely time. where are the words and the feelings and the love he said when he left me? but i realize i need and deserve so much more. you imagine what it’s like to actually live with a manipulative liar that cheats so so easily? it was the first time i had done this, and even if he did miss me, it’s never enough for him to do the right thing. it makes me sick to think how i participated in anything having to do with helping him to destroy her, but i need to say, i will never regret the valuable lessons i learned from going through this experience. sharon mentions we are scared of losing these poor excuses for ‘men’ – but what happens and is far more scary is losing ourselves! prepare yourselves to love and to be loved again and it will come.…i had totally forgotten how really feeling like a princess felt – this was it, a man all to myself. i left it hanging somewhere and placed it in silent mode. the book i’m reading now is, “the journey from abandonment to healing”, by susan anderson and it has been very enlightening. i think only of him, the world could end and i wouldn’t care. so yes, what’s the point of saying “i miss you” if you don’t reach out and be with the person you miss? the worst is, he ended up telling his kids and wife about me and how he wants to be with me which was a huge step forward. i know it’s not right but i don’t want to stop i know i can’t keep doing this but i don’t wanted to end. because i’m not ready to let go, and he’s all over my mind everyday, every second, whether i’m busy or not, whether i’m alone or with friends, whenever i am, wherever i am. the fact that i did not is a clear indication that i am making a little progress. he then suffered a difficult financial situation and could not back up his promise to leave his wife. but of course that is a choice and you must do what makes you happy. if it’s possible to stay close and you had a deep friendship, don’t toss that person away completely. i wish you well for the rest of your healing journey. grateful to you laurie, for your brilliant encouragement and insight. the more i thought about it, the more i realized how bull shit this was. ia m hurt when he’s not availble for me, not answering my text and i know even he is also seeing other girls ( not only me). have so much anger towards him for infiltrating my life and consistently pursuing me until i gave in and fell in love with him. no matter what age, we are not idiots, we thought our story was different, we thought it was beautiful and true. all of us worked together in the same building, which had it’s good parts and bad. i couldn’t spend christmas eve with my kids because it was a last minute plan and “that annoys him”. but i do know that my mm and i felt a connection that, in the beginning, made me feel alive and electric. i don’t even remember what name i used on the first post because things seemed to be getting better and i was back in my fairytale. to have him to myself for this long has been amazing and now i cant imagine them two being normal together. these are two huge red flags of a narcissist: needing to be in control of everything and the silent treatment when things don’t go their way. i especially loved this part:this is not the loss you think it is- she gets a serial lying, cheating husband and you get to walk away, start new. if you don’t end it, would it be better if you waited and he ended it at some point? well, i downloaded on kindle, this guys (h g tudor)'no contact: how to beat the narcissist' – and yes i tried this before but as there is advice and other bits and pieces it is a good read so far. he volunteerd this idea, i did and he tried as much to be there all through my problems. what hooked me hard one time was seeing my married man cry because he said he couldn’t leave wife and family and wanted to provide for me as the love of his life, but couldn’t as he felt bad abandoning innocent people. i haven’t had news from my married man since a month. feb 21, i told his wife what goes on behind her back.’m sorry julie, but i disagree with your belief that ”people go into a new relationship searching for a transition person to ease the pain. we had our relationship going for round 12 months, 1 month together, the rest long distance. the one that takes care of you and loves you. dating your boyfriend during a divorce can be a troublesome and difficult time for both of you. read it over and over again and keep focusing on the negative effects this relationship has had on you versus the good times. it helped me as well, it helped me see that i can handle grief because i loved my animals.) she was a very well behaved girl and would talk, but only when asked specific questions. i ask myself the same question when i wake up, why do i still feel this way, why do i still feel the pain, why it hasn’t gone away yet? you are resilient and strong, full of faith and courage. that’s when i “knew” he truly loved me and no user would cry like that for me. there were gifts, affection, sweet text messages, jacuzzi suites, money in my account for the holidays that he couldn’t be with me and candle light dinners when he could. i was staying in a big hotel room all by myself, and i recalled writing him telling him how it was from the last similar business trips..learnt later he was married with a 2 years old, but we fell in love and i never let go. he texted back saying he was sorry that his “circumstances” (it was always his circumstances) were causing us hardship once again. but first you need to find emotional and financial freedom. am currently involve with a married man for a year now. when you meet someone that has been deprived of this for a long time and you are on the receiving end, it’s the most electrifying joyous, exciting and magical relationship you can ever experience! to my above post … i meant to say, “physically and/or verbally” abusive. i tried to be accommodating to him and his busy schedule. and it was because i’d be stressing, nervous about getting his, “are you still there” text. this is what my am has caused, so much more stress than just not leaving his gf as promised…. over the beginning years we didn’t discuss a future, but 4 years ago we said that was our goal…the details fuzzy…and i am a detail oriented person so this has been a huge struggle for me. we never flirted with each other and we never looked at each other in any way whatsoever that would indicate us wanting to have an affair with one another. you deserve a man to mess up your lipstick not mascara. am with him for one year 2 months and initially i didn’t even know he is married until i met his wife personally in the airport when we were back from a trip. so many of you have been saying about how your married men are back with their families and are happy and are having babies and forming stronger bonds with their spouses. i was with my married man 2 years and a half. i met him on my birthday in april, he approached me and we had our first date the next day and that was that. that is not love, that is selfishness making sure they get the best of both worlds. each time i want to write him, i read your post instead, it calms me down and i feel like i can do this. that still is no excuse to get back into a dysfunctional relationship. in all that time he helped me financially and professionaly to the point where i didn’t know how i could survive without him. i will never forget how devastated i was after i was discarded so abruptly. some day’s i feel so disgusted that i allowed myself to get into this situation. always say start loving yourself and get your personal power back. now he said he will divorce in the next few months as he is very busy with his work now. i want to text him and say i take everything i said back. broke down and cried once today, but every time i go to do it again i have to keep reminding myself of how many lies i have told over the years. he told me how he was excited to meet my family one day, and how he always thought about how amazing it would be when he would be able to come home to me one day.’m so tired at the moment from losing my job to money to family worries etc that i’m not even putting my point across, except please stop seeing him, join local friendship clubs, find a hobby where you’re with people, get yourself on a dating website for ‘casual’ dating. i wish bad i would send pictures of us to his wife. i’m a complete disaster and can’t even believe that i’m considering terminating this. and he gonna pay for all the pain you feel now but you don’t have to even think of that miserable man. or maybe it is just a feeling i have for him. his wife is here and will stay until jan 27, he told me during our fight that he cant speak to me in a low tone of voice because he is very angry with me. the whole week passed and i thought screw this, i’m done with him. i got pregnant during our first year together and had a son. keeping your relationship discreet and private can help keep things as calm and stable as can be during the divorce proceedings. hang on there fiona, and keep writing here to us. after taking my kids to school, i’m back in my bed reading all of you all posts. smiling, no matter how hard it is, because you cannot let him take that away from you too. i’ve been involved with counseling for the last 6 months and i’m happy to say that just last week, i told my counselor, “i think i’m good to go every couple of months now”. and since that day, when i had enough, it’s just been one long nightmare. this is about me and my daughter, and breaking her heart and shattering the life she knows. i’d rather be in a relationship with some one i like than in a relationship with some one i love who can’t make me his priority. i feel played but i just wanted to let her know what he husband gets up to. it is so hard to even contemplate cutting off all contact, but it eventually needs to be done. they are the greatest liars of all time and there isn’t anything you can say or do that will stop him from lying to you. this is the first time i have stated it in writing or out loud. i am crying because i love him like ive loved nobody else-but i know he will never leave his wife. they do nothing…and this is because they have nothing to offer us except the same lies and excuses. he found me on linkedin 1 year ago and it quickly turned into an affair. he’s like a hollywood movie star: you know enough about him to give you some insight into his personality and life, but you’re not involved with the real man. these are cowards , if they truly don’t or can’t leave their wives get a prostitute and quite ruining good decent emotional woman’s lives. on the place where he works now, everyone knows that his partner is me. still try to move on but if i only knew why my married man dumped me, maybe help me to stop thinking about him. last thing i’ll say is this; it’s truly amazing what the light will reveal to us when we’re really ready to see the truth for what it is, not just with these mm, but in life, period. i asked him about it and he said that it’s because he gets very occupied as his line of work can be very demanding at times. now things are back to normal as he is planning to leave. that he values my companionship and that i still occupy the same space in his heart. seek therapy if you haven’t already, but it’s important that you find someone who understands narcissistic abuse. i promise you, you’ll begin to get reacquainted with the woman you have been missing for so long.'m so sorry for the long post, i initially replied to say thanks to sharon but if i can keep giving bits of my story and help others too because if you've not waited as long as me and gone through some lonely, dark and sometimes depressing times then i'd love to help whilst sorting my own problems out! what i have come to realize is that our “relationships” with these men are not unique. she called me again and asked me to stay away from her husband and i told her i was in love w him and he was in love w me and we are going to be together and she will have to accept that and wonder where he is going everytime he leaves. would you want to bring a child into the world when the father is not committed to the mother, therefore isn’t committed to family life or the seriousness of having a baby and bring the kid up? however, it is better that you not be involved when this happens. the words that i had memorized and believed, about how he loves me and cares very much for me, about how he has never let anyone in like he let me in, those words… i am finally starting to see them as the lies that they probably are. i thought it was so disrespectful and thoughtless to be intimate and not say a word the next day. he said he would never want to hurt her or leave her as they have two homes and a lot of savings to lose and two grandsons. i just want to go back to drinking but i’m trying not to, i really don’t want to go back there again. i hope everyone else will take your advice and visit the sites and articles that you have posted! i live my life as normal but i can feel a part of me is dying inside and i can’t do anything about it. married man no longer talking to me or texts me back. i really need to break it off and i think after reading this has gave me the courage i need. all of this happened after he had sex with me in his car and i got mad that he can’t even pay for a hotel for us to have sex. yes it takes time and you can’t put a timeframe. the divorceassuming that your dreams do come true, and he does in fact leave his wife for you, what next? i hope to god i have the strength this time leave him..i’m praying i can surpass this relationship for the sake of my baby. that’s the things with narcissists, they are so good at wearing a mask, and convincing people that they are someone who they are not. well, the hard reality is, we are their side chicks. so this morning i caved and asked does he really have nothing to say.. people claim affairs are about the cheating partner wanting sex etc, but sometimes they are emotional too and they need your love and reassurance. it’s my fault, i had begged him to stay away and he was finally listening to me and i blew it! he was not dishonest or leading me with false hopes, but what has shocked me is as heartbreak says, the lack of empathy! i know you love this man, but he can’t be with you. i didn’t even tell the mm i had feelings for him, i just knew that if i felt so strongly, i could not get married! feel i am in love with this married man, in the beginning he will call me often but those calls and texts have been little. while my story started slightly different, the communication and breakups with my married man were the same as you. he bought me things, took me places, we ran errands together, sought each other’s advice on lots of things. and i understand the insane ideas…they hook us up so much we even consider them! keep focusing on you, read more stories and keep proactively working to get over him. that you’re not in love with the real man. your destiny is tied to recognizing your worth and how utterly valuable you are to this world. i was with him when he was not contacting his wife as he did not have money to send her monthly and we did not have money to buy food even. up is hard but you can start by making him second too! keep thinking about to all the talks we had about our future and that i’m the only one for him. but i woke feeling i am free and he is not. sue, i guarantee you’ll find exactly what you need to know, and a lot more closure than you probably have right now. but days like yesterday and today when all i want to do is cry because i miss him and there are things i want to tell him. just laughed and told me never to worry that my husband will call me. we talked and texted every day and saw each other every weekend, went to each other’s homes, etc. i have almost gone no contact his number is no longer on my phone but for some reason cant un friend the facebook. the only option for you getting out of the hell you’re in is to educate yourself on narcissism and going complete no contact! i can also relate with you on that because i also had that “i see the ending coming” feeling and it made things a little easier on me when i decided to end it with him. you’re being pregnant is a chance to reset and start over with your husband and baby. i am staying in the same city but in different area and on that weekend he showed himself so busy in his business work that he could not meet me. you need to make the decisions to move on andknow you won’t get closure. despite knowing all of the terrible things i have learned about him, sometimes i get this wave of intense love for him when i remember how i once felt and who i believed him to be., i’m not saying everyone is this way, some men are just users and jerks.. and yes i did begin to think that he caught me at my most vunerable. he has been extremely honest about everything right from the start so i can’t blame him but we have been dating for 3 and a half months now and last night i told him i loved him. can’t speak for you natalia, but i wrote a very long letter to my married man as i wanted him to understand how painful my position was and how it was tearing me apart., if there’s anything i can say that will help, it’s to tell you to stop looking for love from a man who cannot and will not give it to you, the way he’s promised to do so many times. i’m not a native english speaker and i am feeling so devastated right now. she knew he never stopped seeing me but chooses to play happy families on facebook and in company. this action sucks but i just can’t help it. but reading all the stories here is making me realise that this is the norm. this is his fault and he will never take responsibility for what he’s done to you. in all this time, he and i were falling deeper in love and as he was telling me everything all along the way, i had no reason not to believe him. and make you end up feeling sub human and less than, to be treated like this. in our ending, i wanted to find the meaning to our rekindling, as i knew there were reasons we were reunited, not just to awaken me after a difficult separation involving my husband’s betrayal after 27 years. see i’m in a loveless sexless marriage and the man i’m in love with is newly married as well., i’m basically in the same boat other than it’s only been 4 years that we’ve been together and i’m the one who told him we needed to cut off all contact until he makes a decision.. i seriously want to stop cos it is not healthy for me at all. he is all in for staying friends but every time i speak to him or see him my heart skips a beat. know this if it make you feel better he is in a horrible pain but he is just faking like he is strong. yes, they can play happy families and happy married couples – but the fact they had you ladies means there was something wrong in their marriages, something was missing there and you were providing them with what was missing. where i live is small, and i see either him or his wife often. reason he can stop thinking about you after 4 years is because: 1) he’s found a replacement and, 2) he never really loved you. then she laughed and said so why are you waiting? however, he was married and although it is a loveless, sexless marriage it worked. put yourself in her shoes…how would you feel if your husband were having an affair? anything is better than this and that i can say with confidence. it’s not an easy web to become untangled from, however it can be done, and again, i’m so happy you were one of the lucky ones to escape with ease. the hardest part is the deep hurt and realizing that there will never be a future for us…someone whom i’ve fallen so hard for. he’s been with his wife for 23 years but married to her 16. i loved my ex-mm more than anything in this world. anytime you feel weak remember how long it took you to get this far. i too feel worthless, guess i’m looking for love from a man who only loves me for sex. until six months after that he confessed his feelings for me. we are friends with him and his wife, and to be honest, always feel out of place in our friendship with them, because they are so different from us. your heart will be set free of guilt, shame, and constant pain and heartache. he has keys to my house, knows my daughter, my family and friends., however silly some of your post reads to you, no matter what others who have not experienced this see it as madness, lots of our time like yours was so normal, to the point i never thought about his real life or where he slept the other 5 days of the week. i hope you break free from the married men you’re involved with, because those relationships don’t go anywhere. my ex-mm would also get upset when i would refer to myself as his side chick. i’m going to miss him so much, but i can’t take the emotional rollercoaster that comes with loving him. i’m a very spiritual women, so in the back of my mind and heart i always womdered why is he hanging around me ? i know that sharon and many other women gave me much needed strength, and i am so grateful for that. am usually not one to be moved to share comments or experiences publicly, but somehow i found this site in a desperate search for help when my mm relationship recently came to an end and i have been so incredibly grateful for this source of solidarity and support- i am finally emerging from some of the darkest days of my life and i credit the candid perspectives of all of your stories, as they are all also my story. let us know how you get on…make those demands…give him a deadline and in the meantime stop trying for a baby because your child deserves 2 parents or at least a father who is not in denial. your mm won’t cut ties as he is still using you mentally, just like my attached man. he tells me he loves me and i believe him. no more wearing dresses because he “couldn’t be with someone who dressed to get looked at” no more visiting my grandma’s house or my 2nd oldest’s home because “he (my ex) might be there. the one is who has no secrets about you and there is no shame. and it made me so angry that i took a picture of it and emailed it to him, knowing that his wife controls his email now. no matter how much you hope and regardless what your married man tells you. he went home and text me saying he is crying loves me and so sorry can we meet tomorrow. i know he (being what is considered a greater narcissist) knew exactly what he was going to do and how he was going to manipulate me into turning my own world upside down. the worst part of this all, is that i work with him and he is my boss. this is a must read, not just if you believe it too, but because we all need to realize what we’re putting out for the world to see and how it’s attracting the wrong kind of people into our lives, especially the narcissists. he did this weekend before last, on a saturday, by sunday 24 hours later i couldn’t understand why he hadn’t replied (again i said have fun with family hope the daughters had fun swimming) – but he doesn’t want to talk about that. of course, he would tell me that he never wanted it to be like this, but he had no choice because i blocked him.’s very strong of you to stop the physical relationship, something i tried many times. oh – there are two kids involved, at least he calls them kids, his daughter is 22 and his son is 17 and both still live at home. i can’t take the lonely nights knowing i’m sleeping alone and he is curled up in bed next to her. about a year and a half into this i asked him if this is the way things were going to be forever. it is tough today, it is horrible, you miss him, want to cry your heart out and stay in bed and not wake up. i want to explain to him that i want to be treated the way i deserved and that small things for him is already huge thing for me and we always end fighting before he will talk to me and get things fixed but now he is ignoring me and letting me the one to do a way to patch things up with him. next thing i know a few months later there was “the kiss”. for years he told me repeatedly how he doesn’t want more children, and would always say that he was planning to leave ny as soon as his kids are done with high school. want to end this affair because you know it’s wrong and it’s not going anywhere. if there is one thing i can say i’m grateful for today, its that i never again made contact with that creature i will probably always have a love for., give yourself a chance, i’ve been dating for many years before, and got nowhere, but had fun, lovely times and memories and spend normal weekends with these guys. i know it’s hard and it’s great that you have girlfriends to confide in. i think it is a brilliant idea to get pregnant again, i feel it’s one of the best ways to get over a married man. do your thing and take each day as it comes. i know it’s ended but deep down, i know what we had during that short time was real and was pure love. after our closeness he started to back off, hot and cold and this is when i started to get depressed and i started to make demands from him. men need to practice their house cleaning more, as no way can they suck as back into their vacuums! perhaps his true colors will come out and you will be able to see him as he is, and in time, heal. but in saying this you seem to be conveniently forgetting that many women having affairs with mm are also cheating on their partners! of today his wife is still with him, knowing he cheating. because of this i am not staying with him anymore.. then i realized yeah she is right all of this time i do wait for him. if what he says about his wife is true, then he must have extremely poor judgment and taste in women. it’s not a race but it will make a huge difference and it will effect how you manage the post-break up feelings.) and stay strong…i know things and stress passes, but right now is when i’m dealing with it. the absolute turn about that a married man can affect, focussing totally on his family and leaving you wondering whether you ever even existed, is staggering. you’re struggling to break up with this married man because you feel like he’s the only woman for you. my story is very long but i will keep it short. i believe he’s the one who turned her into what she is today. ;d ) – this poor other woman in his life deserves better herself. i’ve become so clingy and kept thinking about him. basically they teach you how to detach, take care of yourself, stop being dependent on others, how to turn off your sabotaging thoughts and how to retrieve into the deeper part of yourself where there is peace. about 2 years ago she saw the phone bill and called me. it is like a bottle of wine meeting a wine glass. i cannot believe how badly a man who professed to love you can behave. don’t even want write much about this married man anymore. already know i’m falling for him, and i can see quite plainly he’s falling for me. it feels so good to be able to walk around with someone hand in hand without being paranoid that someone is going to see, telling family and friends and being excited about it. little does he know that now i’m the one who can discard his pathetic narcissist a**. it’s been four months broken up from my nine year relationship with a married man. until one day, today, i stop crying though i’m still immensely in sadness, and i start getting used to the fact that i don’t have him anymore. i got whatever healing i could draw from this site. he is brutally honest and he’ll answer any questions you might have when reading his work. and gosh how bad do i think all of us should get together for a week, let it all out of the rage, pain, disappointment and then look forward to life. but i can’t do that because i’ll be in exactly the same boat in another month or year and i can’t do it anymore. i know i need to because i want him to come back to me because he truly wants to be with me, but on the other hand, it’s easier said than i want to do. i have wanted a baby (so does my husband), and anytime i told my affair partner i wanted one he said he would never have more children. Devotions for dating couples by ben young samuel adams | How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man | PairedLife

I'm the Cheater: I Fell in Love With Your Husband, and it Hurt

i believe that everything he ever told me about his wife was true, but not because she wanted it to be that way. i don’t have facebook and can’t share my details here neither. im now 28… he is late 40’s himself, so big age gap too. because he isn’t leaving…i used to say he ‘can’t’ leave, but it’s a choice, however it may mess things up in many ways for a while. these people are so selfish and unkind, they are not even worth are time. i am 38 years old im married but my husband is gay thou he is in denying it to me all the time. i always felt confident and since i met him, i feel unworthy. and even if life may not be romance and roses, it doesn’t really give you an excuse to stray.) then eventually, if the timing is ever right, he will show up in my life. he said he has get a lawyer to divorce his wife but on the other hand i keep seeing his wife fb putting the married status. the difference between being the dumper and the sense of rejection that being a dumped person brings is so much.! first of all what he has done is wrong in every sense of the word. many people think it doesn’t just happen but it does. he even planned a trip for us and told me he would leave his family so we can be together. we grieve, it takes time, but keep focussing on what you need now, what is best for you, and trust yourself. the problem now is that if i go out shopping or to the bank, post office, or out with friends, i have to tell him everything. it gets easier and it was painful but not as painful as staying. we both know the pain these man have caused, just as much as everyone on this thread, but the more people like you and i who are willing to come together and help each other, is the most empowering and rewarding thing we can ever do.’s how to break up with a married man, no matter how long the affair has lasted…. we are not dirty secrets, we are woman who deserve to be cherished and loved, dont ever settle for less than that. shared your story with hg tudor on his blog, “knowing the narcissist”. he never lied to me about getting a divorce, we go out for dinner and shows. and then the next few days i wouldn’t hear from him! i have no one to talk to as no one in the world knows about this but he and i. how to end a 13 year relationship is a hard one only you know how. unfortunately, he never quit his job, he couldn’t, she made him move closer to work and it left him holding two house notes, with a stay at home wife and 3 kids. remember him being excited, but i hated it as it reminded me when i saw his big smile beaming towards me at work…where he had been all weekend – at home with the family doing stuff whilst i was alone. for years i’ve put this off and stuck with the am…. hugs to all…get out there and date when you feel ready just go for it…. today is day 1 of my second attempt at no contact. he is cheating on his wife, why would he be honest with you. he is my inspiration and my life, and actually he is my boss. she’s said she’s not ready for a full on relationship which to that i said i’m willing to take it at whatever pace she is happy with. i love, love, love reading where you are at this point in time. falling in love so hard and getting out so easily while i cry almost everyday and my life is all messed up”?.questioning his whereabouts and all along he is still living with his wife……i loved this man so much but i knew in my heart the truth. and wife and kids never get short charged, however he may profess to hate her( and he does, always). i feel like i can’t breath and it feels my world is going to end. after all, our relationship didn’t start out by my looking for a married man and i wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes by getting involved with him. so don’t hang on to false hopes and dreams that they will leave their partners for you, and if they did eventually, you will likely be broken down and ragged by then anyway ( divorce is not a quick process), not the way you want to begin a real relationship, plus add in all the baggage they would bring from the ending of their marriage. need to find some way to get out…this man is only thinking of himself…no phone, friends go some where even living in the street is better then the situation ur in… you left home at 18, do u have family members? the book is called: “becoming the narcissist’s nightmare: how to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself” by shahida arabi. i knew there had been good chance he was still intimate with his wife but i wanted to think the marriage was on the rocks. i also know that who is to say he wouldn’t do the same to me! i’ve written twice, and it made me feel like dirt. this is some kind of obsession that i’m starting to scared that it becomes a sickness. his famous words to me were, “this will never most fast enough for you. after everything, all the promises, all the future plans, and he stays put. she had her own prior trauma of being pregnant in hs and the baby daddy abandoned her. the one complication we have is he is not from around here and has to leave soon. when you wrote your comment and reading it made me feel better. caved and started having this affair with the married man two years ago. my new almost divorced friend of my curiousity, drives a bmw, she doesnt work, and has 3 kids. we still love the person who denies us and no matter how painful and ashamed for us, we still blindly love them, trying to hang on there, clinging to the feelings that they brought us. short, after i suddenly had enough again almost 2 weeks ago, a younger guy, 9 years younger (i’m 38 and him 29) who has been chasing me for over 6 years, contacted me again. they are home carrying on as if we never existed. if he does, i fear that the little progress i have made will be in vain and i will be sucked into this poisonous trap again. he is still in a tight schedule, i get b*tchy and say ‘the shackles are on, off you go home’ – but i have no right, however awful and nasty or screwed up his gf is meant to be, she expects him home after work. today he told his wife and his kids that he is leaving to live with me. oh they’ll try coming back around a hundred times (called hoovering) begging for you to come back, but it’s only to fuel they’re own needs, it’s never going to be because they truly want to make life better for you, no matter what they say. after he left, i heard nothing from him for two weeks but found out he had gotten married! you will think about what he is saying and how selfish it sounds and decide enough is enough. but, we have new found power now, and that trumps anything they can ever try doing to us again, we just have to keep believing in ourselves. dating a married man is something i looked down on others for doing and now look at me. the truth here is that they were cowards and took an easier path to deal with the situation. i pray for answers and cleansing daily and i especially pray to feel whole again. many of us have, it is tough, it hurts every day, but this is doable. women who have a married boyfriend are also not likely to be restricted in who they themselves are allowed to see romantically. know you are going through a hell right now- because you all loved them too much and gave your souls in the relationships! i know how hard it is to break from a long term affair. i am learning to rebuild and i am learning to find myself again. i dreamt of him and me being in 2 totally different worlds, it’s like the death – alive, the human being – ghost kind of world, but somehow we managed to talk to each other, and communicated to each other. but after he said he felt guilty and the following week when i messaged he said he couldn’t talk as he had told his wife and he was in bits. he always described his marriage as more of a friendship. again this time his wife take back her words and doesn’t want a divorce. the bottom line is, whether he’s a narcissist or not, you’re in a dysfunctional relationship that will lead nowhere except you feeling like you’ve sold your soul. then friday came, and midday he was off, to his real life. how did i let this one infiltrate me in such a way that i feel powerless…it hurts. when she found out she chose to stay and work it out. this man is not worth my time and yet here i am missing and wanting him., well done you for staying strong…i totally understand the heart beating thing and not being able to open texts, i was the same although it was me contacting him. seem to have a really good head on your shoulders about this and i need help being strong. i thought he was a widower when i met him, he failed to tell me he had remarried immediately after his wife passed away.. we see each other every now and then (when we can act like a “couple”) i’m starting to realize it’s not enough for me . he told me that he missed me and loved me and prayed every night that i’d text him because he respected my wishes that i wanted no contact. go to her books and the for “the no contact rule”. initially, i thought this would allow us to be together. please can you tell me a bit more about your story and how you pulled through and where you are right now? afraid to go out because i might miss a chance to see him. always thought i’d end up with my am, i mean, like many, we have spent almost 4 years (and 3 years too long! m now going through the process of seeing less of him ignoring phone calls and dismissing texts. and left questioning how and why did i allow this to happen to me? it’s been such a hard day but i find myself wanting to talk to my husband more and be excited about becoming parents.’s so insanely crazy how these married men have caused so much damage without us even knowing it at the time? i believe i love him and now i want him to myself we share strong feelings for each other and he tells me he is not happy in his marriage, he looks after me pays my bills and we go out and sleep out sometimes and spend a significant amount of time together.)… and i started thinking to myself “do i really want to get into that again? know it’s hard to think of your married men as anything less than great, but at least take the time to read the two blogs i’ve posted below and sincerely ask yourselves … “have mind games been played on me – from the beginning of the relationship up until right now? my friend’s husband had an affair with her best friend, and it took her five years to really trust him again. but i have not started a conversation in over 2 weeks it has been him and he has noticed i have gone more silent. it was so painful, and he just didn’t respond at all. so much for the reply, i’ve had a week from hell but have kept strong and somehow incredibly busy too with different visitors and far too much alcohol! am with a married man for coming 18 months and am trying to get out of this relationship. all they want is what we have to give (whether it be our attention, affection, compassion – basically empathetic traits) because they have none of their own. but, if he respected you and saw you as a potential long term partner, he would have taken care of the situation and make an honest, clean break with his wife before getting involved with you.’ll be honest with you, this crappy way of thinking is going to go back and forth for you for a long time, but just remember, you did nothing to deserve what he’s put you through. week, his another mistress came to my office and slapped me in front of other people and said awful things about me. we went for a walk, and he was so supportive of what i had done and what i had to do now. this person has stolen 12 years of my life that i can never get back. to fiona, sim, littlefrenchie, melissa, rebecca, brown girl, forget me not, learning from you all, cathy, miku. also, littlefrenchie, please consider this my response to your email. mine did not neither and left me like i never existed. my dilemma is getting this young lad out my head…. when we were “together” (and i use that term loosely since i’ve now realized that he was never really mine), we never went more than 3 weeks without seeing each other. you are not alone, we are so many, left the same way, like if all we lived never happened and never happened…but the best thing you can do, is live for yourself and not let yourself be his puppet even when he doesnt want you in his life anymore. to all of you, and may you find your path to wholeness and commit to your self and your healing, today. i am a fool and i feel like an idiot. and mostly i am also scared in the back of my mind that i will take him back. story goes like this i live in europe and i met a man in my church , before we started our relationship i asked him are you married he said no. i never realised that having an affair with a married man can be such a similar experience, whatever the circumstances and whoever may be involved. he’s become my support and i start chemo next week and don’t know how to do this without him..i was strong after reading all of your stories and kept reading them each night to stay that way…it’s been over a week away from him and i just unblocked him. may you and he find ways to reunite and reconnect, and find each other again. the second time i think was a good thing for me, i had missed him, i wanted to talk to him, be close to him. i’m starting to feel that my options are limited because i’m in my 40’s even though people tell me im beautiful and look young. in a very good and sound relationship, i cry myself to sleep all. there will come a day when you are no longer giving him the fuel he needs to keep his charade going with you; and when that day comes he’s going to discard you out of the blue. this way, he don’t has to take the name of dumping me, but me leaving him instead.!It takes commitment, integrity and just 2 people in a relationship to make true love. i worry about how my son will be affected by this, i worry about how his children will be affected by this as well. he pursued me like crazy and i finally had dinner with him six months later when he was in my city on business……that was 1997! he is even telling me times he is going to call(that never happened before) i try to stay busy so i am not around when he calls (i cant bring myself to block the number) i still find myself happy to hear his vice. you’re playing games with your heart and it’s not worth it. what type of man of father does that to their child? i am at day 5 of nc and it is probably the hardest day thus far…but i do see glimmers in the mirror of the woman i once was…strong, confident, at ease, calm,peaceful (because i am not waiting to hear from him every second of my life anymore) i have begun to look at my role in this relationship and found that i have been looking for someone to fix me…so i am learning to fix me and be there for myself first! don’t beat yourself up on that, if married men didn’t withdraw the way they do, we wouldn’t need to be so over the top in our pursuit of them. we’ve gone through this 2 other times in the last year, and unfortunately it was always me making contact again. the reason why, is if they decided to get back together with their mate, it would create a “sotah” situation, where that womans virtue is in question. but the thought of him being happy with his wife and family stops me from contacting him and reaching out to him. newton was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! i’m enjoying finding myself again and welcoming in the new year, new start. i was the one who defended him to the bitter end, but when he decided to initiate the silent treatment so abruptly, and without warning, i had no choice but to see him for who he truly is. however, it is a reality that some couples choose to split for all intents and purposes but remain legally married for reasons ranging from laziness to tax breaks. and one day, he goes tell her this, and when he leaves her, he says to himself walking “enough is enough now”and he walks away and smile. i do not understand their reasoning, even if it is complicated and assets and comfort are at stake. well, i have to own that i put myself here, but i too am involved with a married man. surprisingly a week later, he said he was moving out and asked for a divorce from his wife. he tells me he doesnt like the person his wife is or her child. do something else tomorrow, anything fun, cancel the married man!: may be just a coincidence, but all cheating spouses play by the same game/rule book, and so do the narcissists … just a thought 🙂. i would love to help you through this as much as possible, but it’s up to you sweetheart to make the next move. but divorce is not possible as it will affect her kid. my x husband walked out on me and my children 2yrs prior. those moments i truly don’t miss and i am so proud of myself for giving myself my freedom back. i recognize it can be tough emotionally to process back and forth like this, but it was the only way for me. i’m sure he talks with his wife while he’s in the office when we’re not together between 8-5pm. his wife doesn’t even know but i rather suffer than her knowing. ff to 5 months later and here we are at it again. all of us women are special and deserve the best! i’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. yes the pain is terrible and you wonder how you can go on without him. mm is not really romantic, he doesn’t tell me he loves me everyday, but i am always seeking for affection, love. a side note: he used his daughter because he knew it would keep his game intact for years, whereas he couldn’t make it about his wife because then he’d have to make a choice. he doesn’t talk bad about his wifes in fact he calls her one of his best friends. the bottom line is you’re being abused (emotionally brainwashed and manipulated) and so is she. he sleeps on the couch at night and she sleeps in her room and i sleep in the guest room. he was my boss and our relationship was always on the up and up. the no contact is one of the hardest things on earth, and even though at times you ask yourself whether maintaining no contact is really worth the agony it is causing you, please try to stick with it. it’s not just married men, it’s all men who don’t know how to behave decently and empathically and do the right thing , however uncomfortable it may feel to do it. i finally met up with him yesterday–he lost a bunch of weight and went from hot to smoking hot. say that this spell caster is powerful because of his work my. he was funny, crazy, full of life experience and has a well respected career. of course we all know this and is easier said than done but best to walk away. but i would rather be on my own and have the possibility of meeting someone who is devoted to me, than stay with a married man who doesn’t have what it takes to give me the life i deserve. if he’s on a dating site and married, that should be your first sign that he’s a creep., i know exactly what you mean when you say, “every day is a struggle”. i’ve mentioned in one of my replies, there are exceptions and i’ve seen them, but they happened within 18mths. when we are older and married, we are bound to that relationship legally and everything we have worked so hard for our entire life can go poof, or we lose half of it…so we stay and numb ourselves into believing this is the way it will be. all, may you see yourself the way god sees you: as a beautiful child, worthy of respect, love, and honor. luck to you and share with us on your progress. my heart goes out to you for being so brave and being fourth months out of a nine year relationship. she knows what she’s talking about and if it wasn’t true, she wouldn’t be wasting her time staying on this site to help other women like yourself. if you want to text and talk to him, just post on this website.’ve been involved with a married man for almost 10 months. have written before how my married man and his wife are expecting. he told me he has no one to tell except his parents and me. things have been goinf well and i thougjt we would discuss a plan to move forward. if he is “the one” (not that i really believe there’s just one of anything! this was after five years of being together i saw him getting married and mind you he did not tell me about it and i never suspected him that he was even in the process of being married. he told me he wanted to start his own business and needed wives help financially. the moments i have are thankfully nowhere near like they were in the beginning, but i still think about him, and us as we were, every night before falling asleep. know it is going to hurt for long, but it will be better. a days the picture is like he don’t think twice before abusing me, he has tortured me a lot physically and have never said or felt sorry about it. that’s when i finally started playing a little more hardball with him and began cross-examining everything he said. he always said he can’t leave his boys at this time.“to anyone who is still involved with a married man, all i can say is end it now,” she says. so, this shows that he may care for you when ill and buy you nice rings and support you lots, something as important and deep and meaningful as having your own child, he’s not really that interested in. may god bless you because you’ll need the strength, wisdom and patience with yourself to get through this, but you can get through it. helps out anyone in need and all the lost souls in the street always seem to gravitate toward him. all the loving words don’t mean a thing the moment he turned his back to me and left. i discovered they were married shortly after he became my boss. i was so sad and dispirited from it all, and when this guy at work started flirting with me, i just fell for him and it turned into an affair. but they are so many people around, he is just one out of so many you can meet, work, friendships, support., yes, it took a lot of struggles to tell his wife. then there are women like us that know it’s wrong and truly are in love. as hard as it is, i almost feel a sigh of relief. he is so so much willing to get involved with my baby girl and me. as for me, i’m a educated career women who was lonely and made a completely huge mistake that i have learned from and continue to learn from. healer also said that’ the universe is exquisitely economical in its delivery of lessons, and won’t provide them unless someone needs them. that’s not to say he doesn’t cross my mind, because he still does every day, and probably will forever … that’s the way the narc intends things to be in the end. that if you are interested in your boyfriend because of the thrill, an exclusive relationship with him will likely lose its appeal. we started and i get pregnant and he was happy as we were getting ready for our marriage i found out he was married in africa without kids. yes, it’s extremely overwhelming at first, but the more you read it, the more you’ll start to recognize that those stories (as well as the comments) relate to you just as much as the ones do on this site. be 21 this year 2016 i met my married man when i was 17 he is now 29. he and his wife got tattoos within days of each other and when i mentioned i was thinking about getting one, he blew up. we would share stories (he was cheating before with other women), and he would even give me advice on my failed romances. thats when things ended, and it ended in a very heartbreaking way for me because he was the one who said goodbye and he chose to be with his wife and family. the fact that i was dumped, was left, was abandonded just because he chose to come back to his wife and make her happy kills me every day. else do you live like them but in a constant state of denial and blame anyone but yourselves. i know if i were ever to allow him contact with me again, it would be like deciding that going back through hell again would be a good idea. he was supposed to come over so many times so that we can talk and he could tell me his plans and what’s going on but each time, he delays and delays and ends up cancelling which kills me. and it’s not like i’m not keeping myself busy because i am, i go to work, college, spend time with my friends i’m not really just sat at home doing nothing. i’m beginning to think this is what he wants, for us to be over. i have, he is my boss too… i dont want to give up my job, again its all i have ever known…. but few months ago someone told his wife about us. the man accepts it, because he has to, he doesn’t have a choice, unless he leaves, but that is almost impossible by this point in your life.. last time he said he felt so empty, lost his other half, lost an arm…that’s odd…because he didn’t act like it! he has manipulated (brainwashed) you into believing every single lie he’s told and it will only get worse with time. finally, last year, i called him out on the promises, and the script changed. so i tried dating websites and had a few hook ups while still seeing him but nothing i did worked, no one compared and i’ve continued seeing him. it started as something casual and for me has turned into something more. been in affair for 5 yrs, and iv just ended it , his reply was i want your cunt, well says it all doesn’t, it, no i love you, please dont leave, for him it was just sex , as in the 5 yrs he never ever bought me anything, took me out, no birthday cards nothing, and the stupid fool i was i let it happen, because i loved him, of course he said the usual things that he lived in a sexless marriage, that he hated her, but never said he would leave her, they still had their holdays together, and there is no children, since i ended it its, over a week now haven’t heard a word since, and i never will contact him, what a waste of soul destroying 5yrs, never ever will i become involved, with a married man again, and the stress is unbelievable, if my children ever found out that i had been involved with a married man they would disown me , as their father had affair, which broke up my marriage, well onwards and upwards, is all im going to do, there is someone, free out in the big wide world, and if i dont find him, im going to enjoy my stress free life. please please do not believe the man you’re involved with. spoke to him a few days ago but that was about his 15 yr old daughter. i used to be very vulnerable around him but the only way to gain some distance and perspective is to stay away, however hard it may be. our relationship is confusing at best but one thing i have learned our love as forbidden as it might be is a forever love. have broke up and got back together so many times, i cannot even keep count, but now i see how others are treated and then dumped and i do not want to waste my time anymore. he always described his marriage as more of a friendship. time to focus on something else, distance to fade the gold halo we would see every time we looked at these men. i went back to him and continued trying to give him time, because i knew it couldn’t be easy for him to end his marriage when it really wasn’t a terrible marriage to begin with. i am sorry for you and i know now is the worst time of your life.) i decided to throw it back at him but for a different reason. i’m in my mid twenties and he’s in his early sixties. he will continue to live his life with his family, and you’ll be alone suffering emotionally everyday. there is nothing that he can say which will mean anything, he has shown you who he is. it feels like giving up, it feels like i’m pushed against the wall and i don’t have any choice until i have to walk away, desperate and exhausted, torn and drained.? or just wait till i give birth cos for sure my baby will help me get this easier to get over with. life is very short and don’t ever, ever feel sorry for feeling love and giving love away….. these are not the actions of a man that cares, he holds on for someone to lean on, but at this very moment he is happily at home with his daughters and partners, and will never ever admit it. i don’t know what i’m still looking for, i feel very deadline, sad, lonely, rejected, incompetent and physically and mentally tired. otherwise you will just follow out the same patterns in the next one. not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to know how much i loved and needed him. am also dating a married man for one year 2 months. i want to say is that you just seem so quick to point the finger to ‘narcissists’ and say that anyone who cheats has some sort of ‘disorder’…. told my affair partner as soon as i found out and he is now telling me how in love with me he is. so while i wish we had a bit more time, i am also glad there was a natural, forced cut off. it takes time and effort and a lot of crying behind locked doors, but it is worth it in the end. and this is why you’ll love again and more deeply, as they’ll be completely free to love, and you’l love loving them more because they are all yours! i text back saying thank you so much, you have really cheered me up and this is the first saturday i have woken up happy in many many years. we truly had a high level of respect for each other and we trusted each other implicitly. he is retiring after 40 years in the army and we are ending. you are dealing with the truth and working to resolve it the right way. we spend so many days and nights together which makes so hard for me to let go. i think most women on this site could understand your position. i was fooled and i knew it because i was in love and chose to believe the lies. you sharon, your strength helps me see that there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel. i saw my ex today, he was walking with some people and he just looked right through me. have time to put everyother thing right in his life except us…even became very controlling. when he finally did get a new job, his boss had a little retirement party for him and his wife sat on the opposite side of the room from him, which showed absolutely no support for him, through the eyes of others. today he talked about the l word and that scared me because i know that is too soon for what i was hoping for and that it might be a lie. he got his sister involved and she told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and to leave him alone that it was over. we live in the same building,,,try to work things out…but in the end he is a dog…now that i told his wife, i don’t care what she does with the information…i decide to see a counselor for the pain he has cause me…how the mm took it, he threatened me in front of his wife and neighbors, which i don’t care…i been talking to my neighbors, which some told me he been cheating on his wife for years…. forward five months and i still can’t get over him. he is using no contact because he is really mad at me because i told him i will talk to your wife ( which obviously will not do that just to get even) he will not going to approach me until i will be the one to approach him.. but what really and truelly puzzles me the absolute most is that he has never ever promised me any sort of commitment and neither have i vice versa. he tells me he unhappy & they haven’t had sex since he been back but i know that’s a lie , i just want out❗️. i always felt and knew, we spoke often knowing, we had to end it, but couldn’t. i am so hurt that he used me i thought that what we have is special but i found out that all my gifts he is asking his wife to pay them and its becomes his wife’s gifts wherein i paid for all of those in cash. i’ve been without contact for about a week now and the extreme sobbing has stopped but i do feel very sad very often and i miss him so much. i finally started putting up boundaries (little by little) and, ultimately, there was no more room left for him to squirm. how he became more and more distant the more i confronted him about his behavior and how it has been affecting me. i know that everyone’s situation is different but i am really at a limit of what i should do. i can see that some of the narcissistic traits matched my mm, so many didn’t. luckily i got another part time lodger to afford the rent and although had work stress…. it’s not romantic, sexy, or charming to help a married man cheat on his wife. his replies are neutral (but enthusiastic and friendly, but he knows there is something wrong…again) and i'm sure he is thinking 'oh here we go again, she's gone all funny on me' …whilst he sits at home next to his gf he claims doesn't sit next to him on the sofa anymore……you know…because the past year she hasn't needed to sit in their lounge between the hours of 6pm and 11pm to watch tv/read/work/surf the net…relax! i remember calling him one night and asked him if he could come over.’ve been through worse, and now i’m older i know happiness comes in all shapes and forms. the person who i thought was my soulmate never contacted me anymore and disappeared. i always accompanying her mom to all her check ups and buy all medicines for her. we deserve better because we are good hearted and loving. after the first couple of months, i finally felt like i could throw away all the cards and music cd’s (narcs love to give music) he gave to me, then a couple of months after that i threw away his t-shirts and odd things he gave to me..out of frustration i called it off and ask him to choose between me and the baby mama because i’m tired of sharing him. i know at this time, all of this sounds like an impossibility to do and i won’t lie it hurts like he** to even think about getting rid of everything, but i will say, and i absolutely promise you, when you’re ready to do it, you will literally feel just a little more liberated and free. is draining and the guilt is such a burden to carry. thinking of leaving him makes it easy in the first place but when he’s there leaving him is never a choice for me. i’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks but mentally and emotionally i’ve struggled..no way…im wife and mother material…i allowed myself to get caught up with some lame dude just because i was deseperate for attention…never again…. think of that journey- now try and envision what the next 4 months will be like. you are deeply and unconditionally loved by god, and you were created for a purpose. trust me its hurts, i feel like my world is going to end. for you to really be able to do that though, there are steps you’ll need to take first, one of which is realizing you were in a toxic relationship whether it was with a narcissist or not. its been 34 days since i ended a 2 year relationship with my married man. as the days drew nearer, my communication with him became firmer and expectations from me became more clear. nothing i have told her ever seems to make the slightest difference, he even told me that the problem is that she keeps forgiving him, and that it would be much easier if she was the one to end their marriage. please contact me if you’d like at [email protected] and i’ll be happy to be your friend and sister! thinking that the man will leave and you will get your happily ever after. years…he still sleeps next to his gf and i’m not a part of his life…lets not talk about feeling hurt as i win hands down! the point is, there are plenty of married men who will gladly divorce their wives, especially when you. he has helped me through an illness and takes care of me. but now i couldn’t do that anymore, but i thankful at least i could still write to you, who still listen and reply me. i’ve expressed to him that i’m done but he’s playing the victim when i’m in need of his support through a very difficult time of my life. it was the hardest thing i’ve ever done, but it was the best decision of my life. i contacted him (i was married, ready to file for divorce), we met and i told him i didn’t want to see him again because i needed to figure out my own life. i kind know his wife and went to high school with his sis-in-law. i assume he wants to be there in his daughter’s life. does not lavish me with gifts or give me emotional support as some men will do for their affair partners. no, it's not because you are so incredibly hot and guys just can't resist you. there is no shame in you wanting intimacy but you have to protect the vulnerable part of you. just last week, when we were together someone texted him, a woman. on so many levels – honest, sexuality, kindness, personal strength, shared experiences, compassion, etc. jenny thank u for your compassion… its comforting to know someone else has been through this dating a married man that really understands because when your in this type of situation you feel so alone and isolated. he always treated me well, totall gentle man but as time passed. all said it so just relax and let him go! i’ve undone every bit of progress i made – i was clearing up and found a letter he wrote me, ‘i love you so much, i miss you’ blah blah blah. i’m 25 and i just don’t want to waste my life. yes i am still with him because im only human and still attached to him. i am dropping our same hobbies and finding new ones. she found out again, he nearly moved in with me, but he has an art school attached to their house and he stayed there to work. i’m telling you, nen, your relationship is absolutely no different than any of ours. still can’t believe i let myself fall in such a situation, i am very happy i am out, i do miss him but a part of me believes that it was not all true. i feel like i’m on this insane roller coaster and can’t make it stop. 8 months ago, when i already decided to leave my husband,i am 28. i told him he should reconcile with his wife, but he had no desire to. i talk to him more than anyone but i know he’s never going to leave his family and i’ll just be left in the dark. so after investigating further on my mms 1 week of leave at the same time as his wife…. sharon has said that all cheaters are narcissists so… does that make all of us one too? but everything i do every move i made i thought about him and what we had and what we could have. plans generally now, and nothing happenned with this new friend, but is hold them accountable for their words, and if no divorce decree, sorry but im not getting involved.. i track their daily whatsapp activity and they always seem to be online at the same time, go 2 bed at the same time, wake up at the same time. i’ve been crying myself to sleep and woke up with swollen eyes, asking myself endlessly every time i opened my eyes “why do i still feel this way? the distraction of the legal issues, if going through a divorce, may linger on for longer than anyone would expect. we just need to remember that he isn’t thinking about us in the way that we hope that he would. you’re worth so much more than he can ever give you, regardless of his love for you. i’ve spent the past week since trying to think i can have him as a friend and i know i can’t. i know that if i tell my boyfriend now, he will end things with me – he’s already said that cheating is one thing he could never forgive. i was getting over a heartbreak and worked really late hours in order to cope with the pain. my contribution to this forum reaches through the darkness to anyone feeling as desperate as i was. i am believer of people making mistakes and i justified my 4 years away creating excuses about a fantastical us. he told me he talked to his wife and told her that he is not happy with the situation at home and he stayed in the marriage out of duty. he claims he was forced by his family, by her and her family. when you sleep with your boss, you entangle your love life with your financial affairs — and the best thing to do after you stop dating a married man is to get financially independent! i have been seeing a married man for 9 months and no one knows.. i have been seeing this married man for 2 years now, i am also married with two kids and a very good husband. his wife already found out about us a year ago but somehow he was able to pacify her and convince that we’re not together anymore. i managed to go five months no contact and then when he messaged me i caved. when their baby is born, ours will only be 8 months. i’ve never done this before, he says it’s his first time too but men lie. we never showed affection in public, and we could never spend time with friends as a couple. im not being naive to this as he talks to his mum about his argument with her alot of the time and his brother aswell, infront of me.!The write up above i’ve mentioned is why…none is real, on our side yes, not their side (but not really real for us – we don’t know what these am/mm really are…we see the fake person…the manipulative liar…the twister). really it does help to read about it when someone else speaks about it so freely, that is not involved in the situation. who helped her on her own situation when her husband left her. there are no exceptions, i would definitely end up being hurt – so it was better to dump him immediately rather than wait months, maybe years (as many of you) and get deeply involved with him. we were clear that we were both seeking companionship but not looking for something permanent. years when i was with my ex, but when with my ex i said so many times i can’t carry on like this, i wanted commitment. i cried a little but i felt free and like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. now he’s happy with his wife and his family while im all suffering. it quickly became clear we were going to have an affair — texting all the time, sexual innuendos, going away together… i knew he was married – 30 years – and had a daughter. i know how it feels in the beginning to not want to believe your mm is anything but the best thing that ever happened to you.. i feel like my heart is broken, perhaps i am still at a very vunerable stage here? they are stronger together as a couple, even the storm could not tear them apart, how sweet is that. we had our family christmas party and my sister brought her new boyfriend, i want a boyfriend i can share with my family., i can’t express enough how important it is to read up on the possibility of your married man being a narc. told him, but he cant give me what i want, he has tried his best, as have i. once i even had to go to the hospital…and he couldn’t come see me. that has fed on my issues of being raised in a narcissistic family where i was valued for what i am, not who i am. if someone sees me from the outside, they would see a confident, assertive and happy woman. he’s always said his partner knows about me and she doesn’t care. this year is a year to construct ourselves, to become who we really are, to appreciate who we are in our own eyes. i keep writing to her and she helps me work through my anguish. never in a million years would i have ever believed my ex-married man was a narcissist, but when you start to read of similarities between your married man and others, and then read about who and what narcissists are, it’s almost impossible to deny the truth. started this affair and as i promised him i will have the last words…whether she believe me or not…. being single and pushing every man away for the past 4 years. all i can say to those who want to leave but are afraid of the pain that comes with it is that it is painful but there is an end to the pain if you stop the affair. they were close and in love and my poor friend has been crying herself to sleep for weeks, utter shock to her. you need to decide if taking your time to figure out the difference is worth it to you. after all i really like her and we enjoy spending time together. i see my friends way more than he ever sees his, so why would i move further? look, he’s playing a very masterful game with you and i would much rather know i did what i could to help you get the upper hand on what he’s going to ultimately do to you if you don’t act now. looking back i realize how toxic it was to sit at home on holidays while he was with his family or not show affection in public. till i can’t take his nonsense and decided to break off the relationship. too had a year long affair with a man here at work. tell him that you’re going to have a conversation with his wife and see what is going to happen. i come on and read the stories every time i feel down about him, it makes me realize that there isn’t such thing as a loving, special or fairytale ending when you are involved with a married man. clearly am not expressing myself enough that there is a way to get “through” the heartbreak and pain … it’s the narcsite website (hg tudor – author). it only turned sour in the last year with the breaking up and getting together again. had no idea, nor wanted to fall in love with my best friend of a thousand years, nor did he. it was those few days / maybe weeks where he used to shower me with i love yous and words of adoration that used to keep me hooked. these ladies in this blog have helped me a lot, we don’t know each other, but every day i come here, read the stories, share the comments, keep writing here and i know i’m heard and i’m not alone. i surely cant call his wife to see if he is alive. i am all for womanhood, and in no way possible did this woman deserve to be cheated on by her husband. but, finally i know that he had another mistress beside me and their relationship has started from 4 years ago. you can read what all of this is actually like from the narcissists perception when you start reading hg’s blog. he was manipulative at times, controlling at times, selfish very often, and always turned things around on me. if i could only have had my cake and eat it too. we could’t resist the love for each other so we continued and fell even deeper in love when he got married and after he got married. no affection nothing, and he blames it on the distance, he is not made for this and he doesn’t know how to communicate and the culture “i am dutch, i can’t express emotions”. i said talk to your wife and he said its not like that. we had this shared blog, and i wrote him so many times, i sent him offline messages. october of 2015 he ended things with me and told me his wife was expecting their second child and he couldn’t do this anymore. the thing is, this man, he was engaged when we met. i would like an army of strength helping me overcome this toxic situation. he is not prepared to start all over again with a younger woman with a young child. his wife is working in japan as prostitute/entertainer if he really loves her why is he allowing her to work like that and then have a relationship with me. i can be the strong woman i always wanted to be and i will never let anyone treat me as badly as he did. break up is not normal…not usual…let’s face it…breaking up with someone you love and want sucks! but seeing their wedding pics, family holidays and happy photos has left me second guessing everything he has ever said. he has come up with outrageous, insane ideas regarding two wives and multiple houses and if ill just give him time. i know he will just go find someone else as i am not the first but that is for him and his wife. he’s found out every time and has called me a cheater, really he says i’m cheating on him. what did come out of me though, and i could feel it very clearly, was evil. i am so happy for you you are strong and left now, i wish i did that too so bad, i hope i go back to my normal self and never let anyone treat me like that again. men can contain and compartmentalize feelings better than we can. he said that he would have a child with me if we were together and things were going well. depending on a narcs position on the narcissistic spectrum … it could become dangerous for you. this way you are taking a first step of control in the relationship, and putting yourself as a priority. i still miss my married man too much, i think about him almost all day, it makes me tired and stuck. i am not making any move to contact him and will continue to do this. i am sure he must be suffering too, he must have loved you but just enough. he knows you’ll come back to him regardless of how long he avoids you. am going to end this for my own peace of mind and self worth. i am currently the tp with a man who has been separated from his wife for about 2 years but they still live in the same house (she lives upstairs and they don’t see each other) and they are still technically married. of his temper, telling me his gf and ex-wife said he was a control freak and watching his behaviour over the years and the horrible way he can talk to me…he is a narcissist…i wanted my revenge but read sharon’s reply and thought oops maybe not! my married man is also my boss and the highs and lows are dreadful. i went to high school with his in law…someone please help me …. i hope that too can make my heart change and my mind settled. i have never felt so confident and sexy in my physical appearance than in any other relationship before him. our 3 years together is exciting and electrifying but lately we have lots of fights he is blaming me that even the smallest things is already a big issue to me. it took me 7 times to actually be able to do this (the exact number you stated, sharon! he constantly played the victim and sucked me back in whenever i tried to leave. it will be extremely overwhelming at first, but it will give you answers to questions you may find yourself asking, if you choose to stay with your married man. he is like a different person; distant and aloof since we have been talking again. you and i have more or less the same age, we have so many years to be happy. i spent lots of wasted vacation and personal days vacant. was amazing, and what was also incredible, was to have someones undivided attention all evening and night (we drank until the early hours, it was blissful). it can help both singles grow as they get back into the dating scene. right now i have just broken up but we still speak, which, doesn’t help and at the same time makes me feel like he maybe cares and it was not all a big lie… we are here for you. we never got intimate in our time together, lack of oppportunuty and also lack of effort from his side. when i found out, he made me feel so bad for him, he was trapped in a marriage, he wished never happened. just know how you as a woman would treat a man that you truly believed was the one… more than likely we wouldn’t let them just walk away. i am only two weeks post breakup, still grieving, and unlike many, we did exchange a few emails back and forth, because for me, cold turkey was not the way to my healing and i have known this person for over thirty five years, always felt a strong soul connection and friendship foundation. read up on narcissistic/sociopaths, especially before your anger gets the better of you and you try taking revenge. i realised there was no happy ending for me and so i cut him off. he makes fun of me when his wife is visiting and it hurts so much.! don’t see the mm tomorrow/saturday- there is no point. i get to pay for the food, our room, his gas, and even end up giving him money..It is a huge step and i think i just forgot that other things out there can make me happier than the situation i was in. don’t get me wrong, i’m sure a lot of mm love their mistresses but they do something about it and don’t throw breadcrumbs and lies for years. i was the one try to keep this relationship cause i loved him and unfortunately i still do. i want to think that he still loves me and because of that he decided to leave me to set me free. i do not want anyone to go through what i have, and without sharon and liz’s help and a few others on here, i’m not sure where i’d be right now. he’s still fucking baby mama 2 for years during all that…there are many more before i show up. the toughest thing is letting go but i feel a tiny bit relieved that i’m no longer waiting for him or being in a hopeless situation. not too many nice guys here and i’m not getting any younger either. the week before we rented a day boat and he said he wanted to marry me…. our affair started 13 months ago, his pregnant wife and children had moved out and he was pretty lonely, he was my boss and we got on so well, honestly i thought we could be the same person. i’ll be honest, no, it won’t take all of your misery and pain away, but at least you’ll have answers to everything you’re questioning. really, i’ve never met a man who cares so much for his kids. the married man who wanted to date me did indeed divorce his wife just for the chance to ask me to lunch. you’re dating a married man because of something that’s going on inside of you. he has some truly fabulous character traits and an iq that is rarely matched. she has cheated on him twice and he still loves her. that i had lost him and would never see him again. i know he has used me and no amount of gifts make up for it. he at this point i’m sure will craw back into his hole with his wife, who honestly i feel sorry for. i thought it was love, it was not or he wouldn’t have left me like i was pure garbage going back to playing happy loving family. i am 48 and the thought of my future is very daunting. was very possessive in the beginning and that made me fall the more but soon you will realise it’s for his happiness and not yours. that is why i decided to search for some information how to leave and came across this website. at least it allowed me to let it out in a weak moment, and still can still keep the track..you seem so weak and i have been there severally,get a life of him,wean yourself off him gradually,meet people for lunch and other activities and gradually stop explaining yourself! i’ve left married man many times but the longest was 4 days. the image of him and his daughter and his wife takes over my head and all i feel is knife cutting through my heart and i keep bleeding. i would not wish my recent experience upon my worst enemy. he didn’t want to bore you with the details of the changes he’s made because there are no details, other than maybe he can’t find another supply source right now, so it’s causing him chaos in his life. but after reading so many posts, and seeing how eerily similar many of our experiences are, i can’t help but wonder if what you say is true. i itried talking to him and he said he was stressed but would call me after christmas. i was so afraid because of my bad body image and surgical scars. we have been caught a few times and he always comes back to me. i’m stuck with this black soul of man who is not only married, but treats me like a slut. it’s been three months since i told my mm of almost 5 years out of which he lived with me for over 2, that it’s enough, he cannot be going back to visit his kids, stay under the same roof as his wife and pretend that i don’t exist, sneak out to call me and play family. losing someone who is still alive is the hardest thing to do – give yourself that long rope.
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anyone understand any of this without shouting and condemning me? i also knew people from his culture rarely ever divorce. i’ve wondered before if im just a mid life crisis to him, a way to relieve his stress. these married men, they never choose us, they give up on us the moments we need them the most.. obviously my marriage had issues i didnt even realize or i would have never fallen for this back in 97. he is in the military so our lives have been tricky. he denies this but in my gut, i know it’s true. i know it’s wrong and i feel awful no one knows about us. they are not used to being on the receiving end, and it is a shock, but shouldn’t prevent you from ending it. and one day, i will meet someone who respects me and love me truly, no lies, no ties. he didnt bother to contact me at all and showing me also that he is moving on as well and it really breaks my heart. ex-mm did to me exactly what your mm is doing to you. is that because i don’t want to see it and am still in the fog? he drained all the energy and love i had for life. over an affair with a married man won’t happen overnight. focus that brain on the negative and try to break it all down logically to fight what the heart disceivingly wants. sadly i didn’t know he was playing and pretending to be my friend. the knife cuts in deep over and over again but you cant get out because of fear you wont find something better. it is up to only me to take responsibility for my happiness and that means i will not be an “option” for him anymore. am just now trying to be civil with him, and told him that he can only call or message me if its about our baby. i agree that the married men are not happy, which is why they wander. and was loyal to him, out up with the loneliness and mental mess up (lying in bed at night knowing who he is led next too is quite simply a mind f***) – then as i wasnt giving him the support he needed (when he no longer needed the flat in the week and was 70. “what would you be, without the thought that (married man) is happy without you while you are suffering? i actually went out and bought some heels (he would forbid me to wear them” said i wore them for attention. maybe your prayers are being answered by finding this site and now it’s up to you to decide if you’re truly ready to see your entire relationship with the married man from a completely different perspective. and, if you really loved him and wanted a future with him, you would wait for him to become available. married man told me everytime we split up he was so depressed he didn’t want to go on, he started trying to find a way to make more money, so he could leave, but i can’t be a part of that.   more on chickrx: the married man i was seeing, did in fact leave his wife for me. i became pregnant and we now have a 5 month old son. last text wasn’t to his satisfaction so he is holding out until i give in and send him something more substantial…absolute control freak! i will let these tears fall and i will keep moving on. i always made fun of women who dated a married men. my advice to you is to leave this triangle situation immediately. when he had his good days he was very vocal about his love for me and made me feel like no one ever had, our conversations about life were very deep and our connection was unreal.” “what if my married man’s excuses are actually valid? when our son was 4 weeks old he told me that his wife was pregnant again. and it made me feel better about the way it ended, but it made me question all the other years, when i thought we had a beautiful thing going. then he told her he was married with 2 kids but we still all went out as friends. i’ve now realized is that my ex-mm did not love me like he said. if you find the strength then run for the hills and don’t look back. worse thing is he lives right behind me and i can’t get away from seeing him daily i am not in a good place and feel depressed and alone he used me for company and then switched off when it suited ! in those 4 months, i was doing counseling with my husband, when he decided he didnt want to go to counseling anymore and got verbally and emotionally abusive, i ran back to this man. everything i read says to cut off all communication with the married man in order to heal, but how do i do that when we have a child together? i can get out of my affair with mm, she is stuck with him! but he moved on like if anything we had never existed. i can’t wait for his texts or calls…which are always when he decides because i can’t text or call him when i want to.. i’m in ny if any of you are here and need a coffee/drink or something don’t hesitate please. and what he said…is exactly what my am said to me when i cut off from him for a few weeks a couple of months ago….! i cannot believe that i would ever jeopardize my marriage but this mm made me a believer……i really believed his ‘shit’! we are so selling ourselves short yet here i am sucked back into this bullshit half ass non relationship. my heart is broken and i feel sad, depressed but i know it is for the best. i saw him a couple of weeks ago and will most likely not see him the remainder of the year (we live on opposite ends of the coast). so right now i’m seeing them both, and they don’t know about each other. truth is that he won’t leave his wife for you. he ditched his wife over mothers day weekend for me by skipping a trip to see her family, and now i feel like a total shit. i’m reading another book right now from hg tudor called “sitting target: how and wht the narcissist chooses you”. is a key component of narcissism because sex/romance/love are powerful tools to gain fuel from you..but he continues…before we slept we each other i told please be honest and we will need to practice safte sex, but he didn’t. thank you so much for your comment and i sincerely hope you can break away from the man who’s holding you hostage. my biggest fear has been that i won’t meet someone who i connect with in the same capacity because i, as well as many others, feel our married men are/were our best friends and soulmates. i was just like you, i couldn’t believe that someone could sleep peacefully at night after saying all the things that were said to me, just the night before, and then up and disappear without a single goodbye. will try to find a place to move before this year and will not tell him much in details of my plan to leave him. he goes to see her two or three time a year every three months the rest of the time he spend it with me and stay every nignt with me. one of them is that we are labeling all these men with a mental/personality disorder. i just met some woman from out of town, who in subsequent communications, told me she had been involved with a man who just “took his wife back”, but this woman my friend herself was indeed divorced. i thought i was special but at last i was just on his rotation.?I believe the ultimate lesson here is to love yourself more and more so that will not tolerate to be with an unavailable unfaithful man. so both these married men want 2 women in their lives. and now he is willing to leave his own children for me.…don’t see him now and i’m up and down! but selfishly rejoiced that we could be together because we were “soulmates. i couldn’t sleep if i knew that the last time i spoke to someone, i yelled at them and did not even say goodbye. i feel horrible and really hope everything is not true. actually, yesterday was because i was weak and texted him. i was just going to go in and delete everything.. any and all advice is very welcome now as this is beginning to seriously interfere with my life now. won’t lie and tell you that i’m ok inside. i still think to myself that i am the one who blocked him from my phone, so maybe he is just respecting what i want, which is to move on. i’ve fallen so deep for this man that i dont want to be with anybody but him. i know it was not my fault and you should not be blaming yourself either. if love means crying all night and not sleeping and not being able to function in everyday life, if it means losing yourself and feeling worthless and unloved, then i am in love. it’s just words and he’s not here with me anymore no matter how much he said he missed me and how badly he wanted to be with me. the beginning i was very understanding, but towards the end, i grew more and more frustrated. only he is treating me like he doesn’t love me. the only way you can begin self-care is by removing the married man from your life. he definitely tried taking you on a guilt trip and blame-shifting to make everything your fault, didn’t he? initial plan is to cut all ties with him for at least 6 months until we can arrange our feelings back. i’m so tired and i feel like i just want let his wife know and for him to get what he deserves. it took me a total of 6 months, but little by little i got rid of anything my ex-mn gave to me and each time i did, i felt just a little bit better. i only know one thing for sure (as oprah says) and that is ” i matter “. it is helpful to hear from other women going through or that have gone through the same thing. and yesterday he told me his greatest news and wanted to hear that i am happy for him. let’s be realistic if he left his wife for you would you ever trust him? i’m stunned by the similarity- it’s as if these men have all read the same manual, isn’t it? i have done this and it has helped me so much, without saying that i have made amazing friends with sharon and foreverwaiting and we are all here for each other., i think it took you a lot of struggles and couregeous to bring it up to his wife. so, i made it my mission to give him that. everyday, i like your points and wanted to share some learning i received from speaking with a professional who has a spiritual focus.. my ex split up with me 2 months ago and i have been trying to get. for the reply and the links 🙂 i have visited hg’s website and have written to him on the blog. we are better off bc we have options and that’s something i hold onto dearly. he showed me the papers that were filed and i have the court case number and verified that the divorce is final. if the conditions in the marriage are shaky, then the spouse is vulnerable to another human being meeting the needs they have been missing. my response was, “the truth is, it’s not your circumstance causing us hardships, it’s us. being that his wife knows about an affair, it is probably over with you, as he is a coward, and can not look himself in the mirror to realize what he has done. he seemed very upset over it but he goes there all the time and also went to the west coast for the hiday. which was his my story is that when the affair started i immediately told his wife after the first night of sleeping with him. after 3 months he got me an apartment and we saw each other everyday. but he left me to cry by myself because he had to get back. that you deserve better than an affair with a married man. well after 3 plus years of having this man be apart of my life, i decided enough is enough and walked away.’m a month into a breakup and as i look back i think i was unintentionally used as a transition. at the very least, he would have enough respect for you and his family to leave one situation and try and make it work. the “regret” that i have is that i look back and wonder what i could have made of myself if i had not have stayed home and raised my children. of hugs from the south of france, and talk to us if you need, we are all here. he was someone i could easily break from i would have done this by now…. even if your boyfriend leaves his wife, his children will still be part of his life and he may be required to share visitation rights with her., this all came to a head at the weekend because he was going on holiday to italy with his fiancée. already thought of this result beforehand, weighing his situation and everything that he would not divorce her. his whole future is mapped out for him and he has a life plan and i suppose i do not fit into his life plan. there is such a thing as "right person, wrong timing". i am still living with my husband since we can’t afford to pay the morgage and a rent. you have to decide what your boundaries are and don’t let anyone change them, no matter what. lives on my street which makes it harder but i need to figure out why i would get my self involved like this when i know what it feels like. a couple of weeks later we do end up sleeping with each other and it was amazing. it won’t be a waste of your time, i promise you. i just ran into him this past weekend while i was out for a walk. hard for me to believe that men can have relationships outside of their marriages and still be in love with their wives….. the thing is i fell in love not knowing he was involved with another. you will see how the big differences are, because once you are dumped, there’s nothing for you to hold on to, and you will live with the pain for a very long time. the goal is to have more good days than bad ones, and gradually the good days overweigh the bad. he was definitely the one who said he would come but 10 minutes ago, he told me that i was the one who planned the whole thing and he had never agreed to anything and of course – he is not coming. don’t understand why if he’s that unhappy, he’s still tagging her on facebook where ever they went.?Click on this website:And there is information for help that will get you out of that environment – you need to leave and the sooner the better.! is so much more difficult the more time you invest. he says he loves me and he going to leave her…yeah right he hasn’t done it yet. this shit thing happened on our life and we can’t change the past. never enough of it and when there is i get brushed off or lied to but go on social media and find the real reason i was lied to. i don’t want to write mine on this site only because my full name is my email and i would prefer not to have that on here. i have had several friends tell me this, when it has happened, not just my mm. also, texted a woman from an online game site a few years back. my job keeps me on my toes during the day, and i’m spending a lot of time with friends, just doing things i enjoy. married guy i chose to get myself involved with was an old high school friend. they are grand masters at acting and playing us like puppets. they stay married because they have built a life together and it would totally be a mess if they split up. until your boyfriend is living away from his wife before dating. lost my love when i was 63 after 2 1/2 year intense emotional affair with a married man. he on the underhand is still with his wife…and i cant even imagine her situation…. the website i gave you will tell you many times over and over again, what going back to him will do for you and for him. whole situation has broken me and i am trying to get myself back again. even if he loved me, wouldn’t he want me to be in a relationship with someone who is available to me and puts me first? but let them live their miserable lives and set yourself free from all of this. stopped our physical relationship for this, shame and other reasons.’ve just read so many of the comments that each of you have written regarding your experience as the “transition person. if your boyfriend has children with his wife, you should understand that he will always have a connection to his children and possibly with his wife. i have seen messages and emails, i know that he is very loving and affectionate with her (is this to stop her from being sucpicious or is it because he feels this way about – i will never know). i filed for a divorce and he ended up committing suicide.) a business he works at full time with the (ex) gf…her family not far, his ex wife and her family up the road…financial issues and a house to divide (he refuses to sell it…strange that eh? i can so relate to what you wrote about chasing your married man and demanding answers, hoping to jog his conscience into recognizing how badly he is behaving to another living breathing human being who he actually claimed to love. hg tudor referred another one of his books to me, which is, “exorcism – purging the narcissist from heart and soul”. the first few months were wonderful, even though i sometimes had to deal with the crushing guilt of betraying his wife. a little quirk of my psyche is that i fall hard and heavy, but when the worm turns, it turns suddenly and then nothing on earth will make me budge from my stance.. my final mail was sent to him this morning and he has been online constantly but never even responded, i have been such a fool. i am dying inside and so depress but i will not talk to him and will not do any move as he expects me to do. he looks me up on linkedin and i think its funny.! i have this way of thinking that i call the “cause-effect” which means i don’t believe it untill i see the result.. oh – yes, he is still in a full time relatinship with routine and please don’t accept any other rubbish they will tell you…you are in the tight routine too…a routine around his routine! i’ve tried to break it off with my married man. i tried to say that we needed to end what was going on and he stated that he would think about it and he feels we should go on doing what we are by talking but “time will tell. he had health problems and he lost his grandad, friend and cousin in the first year of knowing him.’m not sure how i’ll feel when i speak to him again, my heart will probably pound hard and i’ll almost faint…but next time i’m being stronger! they sleep in “separate rooms” and their work schedules don’t mesh so she’s not around a lot. not finances, circumstances, and yes, even his child(ren), would not keep him away from you. im alone every night and live for the short moments that i see him. of course you still hurt, you are a normal woman and people hurt from getting played in the way we get played.. he is married and is happy so why the hell does he want to torture me like this? please help i feel so sick and i’m taking it out on my husband. have been dating a married man for a year now. i will see him in a few weeks at a competition that we are both part of, and i only hope my team destroys his, and maybe he will realize it’s not cool to leave a wake of broken hearts when he, like me, just needs to man up and fix or end his marriage., based on what you know of narcissists, do you think my ex-mm will ever reach out to me again, now that i’ve blocked him from my phone? i ask this…how can anyone want this double life? he’s extremely overwhelming at first, but stick with it because eventually he’ll have you hooked too, but this time in a magnificent way. he left me  with no contact and just ignores me. don’t hesitate to speak to all of us here, i have made two great friends on this forum who i am texting with regularly and we all live in different countries. dealing with this gotten easier for you with time, sharon? he was always so caring, assuring me, comforting me when i had doubts about us, and successfully convincing me to stay with him when i wanted to end it. i’m dreading work now after today but all of my loved ones have told me to cut the cord and end all contact which really sucks bc he’s also like my closest friend. i ask is that each of you educate yourselves on this being a real possibility of the relationship you’re having with your mm. it is those “moments” of happiness that keep me in this horrible situation., it was incredibly hard for me too, to believe such negative thoughts about a man i had given every ounce of my heart and soul to. so yes you might think im rotten for being with a married man but i did not go to him knowing. it is not enough…i think…this is the question ive struggled with all these years.. in fact it’s not even part time, a thousand breadcrumbs of time won’t make a sandwich. and if he is a coworker, i can almost guarantee you that seeing him at work after a breakup will be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life. you can also go to the website listed above and just get started reading his blogs. we have had many fights, many situations where we could have torn apart. i feel devastated right now, being left, abandoned while they are coming back together, so happy. again, lauren, god bless you and i hope life treats you to the true happiness you deserve 🙂. however i just found out that i am pregnant with my husbands baby. he never made any promises, in fact he said we were in an impossible situation at the start and yet he was devastated with my sudden change of direction, so we processed a little so we both understood each other’s perspectives better. i ended up telling my mom about it, my brother, friends and even colleagues who know him. but we have to be honest to ourselves if it’s been years and he won’t leave her. weekend i bumped into him on a night out, away from our work friends, and the attraction was electric. since he now lives an hour away i hope all this will be easier for you over time. i had 14 years of settling for bits and pieces of a life. first of all, i’m sorry to hear you were hospitalized and i hope you’re on the mend. i also grew up believing i was never good enough, but guess what we are good enough and if coming out of this knowing that now is what i learned, then it was all worth it to me. i would love to email with any of you who need someone to talk to and share our experiences with. but during this time, i could go weeks or months not seeing him. you have still life in front of you and you know he has kept you away from lively situation many times. so he claims that he can’t see my friend anymore and is moving in with this woman so his ex can’t use the affair attack (i did explain its rubbish and the courts would not be interested in the affair and who is seeing who). the thing is that you know the truth, your brain knows it but your heart keeps saying different things. and i am grateful that i got the guts to end it..’ …of course he does, because he does it to satisfy and please himself, (treat us well, gives them a buzz, we feed their egos) it’s nothing to do with the fact he truly cares! i have many scars from an abusive relationship, physically and emotionally. he says he doesn’t love her or she doesn’t understand him, but the truth is that he is committed to her because he wants to stay married to her.“you will find that when you see the blessing in the darkness, many other blessings will also come to light – new support, new dreams to be fulfilled, new ways to connect to your divine inner guidance and god-given worth. today, when i saw him with his son and wedding ring, i really realised he had the perfect life, why would he bother go through hell to change his life. they’d rather keep on manipulating and circumventing the situation that’s working for them. i am making the choice now, and i will stick to it. we are always spending time together inside the house and even doing activities outside. i wait 4 years all the while making plans on when we could finally start seeing each other in public, or what kind of ring i wanted and where our wedding would be . i don’t like that my ego and flesh have taken priority to what is right and i hate that it’s separated me from god and yet i haven’t let him go yet. he ended up staying with me for a few months and went to see his kids every few weeks but of course stayed at the house. occasionally i have an angry day which is the worst.! he has actually stopped me dating in the past, now he understands, but of course he does, he is running out of lies to keep me! he tells me he is not happy at home and the only reason why he is staying married is because of his kids. i always judged women who had affairs with married men, and i know people who have never been in this situation who would say i deserve what i’m getting. have to decide once and for all that what he’s had you doing is not okay. you may not be close to even ready for this, but maybe open yourself up to the possibility of going on a date. im counting the day and i know ive made it another day. he constantly checks my phone to see who i’ve been chatting to and expects me to prove myself every time but he doesn’t prove anything to me. have been involved less then a year with a married man. your marriage ended and now you are in a dead end relationship with your married man. if this is the case, then you may be sad or hurt at first. i have told him this…more excuses ‘oh she ran me down things got worse but i had no self esteem and thought better the devil you know’ <<< clap trap!’ve been seeing an married man who works at my company for almost 2years. i encourage all survivors to take their own self-care journey after narcissistic abuse; you can empower yourself more fully by taking advantage of all the lessons it has to offer. i was trying to get pregnant for 5 years, i had to take infertility treatment for all these years and nothing worked. dedicated myself to the lord when i was a little girl, and have done right for most of my life. you have no idea what type of narc you’re dealing with (see the narcissist website) and you could be putting your life at risk; either from him utilizing “the smear campaign” or destroying your property or even physically harming you. happy to have found a platform where i can be honest about my situation, i too am in a relationship with a married man,im now realising that i am not happy, although he gives me everything i want,he is currently paying my rented apartment ,i have a job that seems to be promising but im scared to break up with him because i do not make enough to support myself, this is a confession that i fell for a guy and got comfortable with material gain, i know i have a good head on my shoulders ,i shouldnt be in this situation. and even knowing it’s better for me if i don’t hear from him so i can get it through my head that this won’t work. believe me, there had been other time limits in the past, but this time was different, because i knew i had given all i could of myself and i mean that literally. i i have been writing in off and on for two months now. me mc ending us at his retirement, living 45 minutes from me now, texting me daily he loves me, but once he’s officially retired 6. think this woman means quite well, and truly believes she is “almost divorced”, but almost divorced is not divorced, and her husband is not her ex husband, he is her husband indeed. my friends told me over and over to end it but i just couldn’t.. believe me i have tried and tried and still trying. i really cannot relapse, i won’t forgive myself, it’ll be the biggest ego boost for him and really show zero integrity from my end. it has got to the point i think my am and i’m sure a lot of your mm really believe their own lies! but it is like i am craving for crumbs of affection or anything that makes me feel like he still cares, even though he probably never did. please go no contact in all areas of your life and realize, if he’s a narcissist, he will find ways of charming you back into his web. still, despite my horror at my own behavior, it was a tough day to tell him that i wanted to stop seeing him (woo, a few coffee dates a week and one mediocre overnight where he snored and sweated all night while i lay there wanting to get the hell out) and i cried spontaneously a few times, but then, it stopped. once you have the baby, the grip this man has on your psyche will lessen. as of my knowledge he had never met his wife in this 3. he can just go back to his wife and kids and pretend i don’t exist. one good thing (if there is a good) is that his wife never knew about us so he could just slip right back in to his role of being her husband and she’d never know the difference. a few weeks after this happened, another married man (let’s call him fred) came to me (i don’t know what the hell it is that i do that attracts married men and i wish i did so i would stop doing it! it is hard, but seeing how there’s so many of us taking it one day at a time is such an amazing help. you deserve peace and happiness and love and i am here for you if you ever need to talk. see him at work he everyday but we don’t communicate… who knows when this pain will be over. i have been so 2 minded and i am in a state where i feel like all i want are answers for his behavior and his treatment towards me and i feel like i will only get it if i contact his wife and find out for myself. it’s my heartfelt wish that each and everyone of you find someone who will turn out to be infinitely better than these men who have stolen and then tore our hearts to shreds. women get exhausted and lose themselves in motherhood and can’t meet the demands the husbands make on top of all that they do and men get frustrated and feel neglected. well since this news and me saying lets not see each other. it is as plain as day to one such as i. he has always been an introvert and i have always been an extreme extrovert. just wish it didn’t have to be at my expense. but i do kick ass, and there is another guy out there for us! no more of feeling like nothing on weekends and evenings while they are having their happy life. am dating, in fact i have fallen in love with total opposite man…. worse than this, this other girl he’s sad about is not for him! please, bern, do yourself a favor and put an end to it and find out the truth once and for all … believe me, it doesn’t hurt any worse than what you’re feeling right now, but at least you have a fair chance at getting and feeling better. recently ended things with my married man of 5 yrs, as well. think its great you tell people to be honest if they’re not fully divorced, but unfortuntately i would be this is not the norm. i’m chatting to guys online and arranging talks on the phone and potential meets. four years of seeing my married man we stopped talking in the first week of july.’m in my early fifties now and had a three year love affair. the affair will never go anywhere, and it’s not true love. i always thought so highly of him and put him on a pedestal. i am not sure that my married man is a narcissist, i get confused because so many of the traits do not match what he is. i can’t believe a whole month of work and working on myself and telling myself i’m better than that would be down the drain. three days ago he must have found me on twitter and being reading through my tweets till he saw the one about him. please just try to get out and around friends, or family, it will take your mind off of it for at least a short while, or at least help ease the pain. not being able to be with him is torturing already, but the worst part is he dumped me to choose his wife.. today i and my husband live happily like never before. everything leads to isolation so that when you try to think of ending it, it seems unbearable. you ask, “how can a man live in a world of no love? i replied to his last friday afternoon texts saying ‘yes will have a lovely time, have fun with family and your laptop'(he works from home and i was off for a ramble and night at a spa hotel…not far from him and something i should be doing with him after all these years! truth be told he’ll never leave his wife for us. thankfully, i understand now though that he never did think of me the way i thought of him, and he never had the same goals and love for us the way i had. today marks two weeks since i ended things with my married man and today is truly the worst day of my life. in these special sections is created on behalf of our sponsors., even though this is a blog, your responses are so genuine and so human. when he tried to see me, i didn’t do it because i was happy in a relationship, and i was over him. i haven’t reached out to nag him or lecture him about his actions. he moved in with another woman, i felt like killing myself. is so conceited that he can live without me and i should be the one to chase him and sorry but i will not going to do that. at the end of the day, you have to save yourself – over and over again, no matter what.!I really want to move on now but whilst i read a lot about what to do after a break up, the self care, movie nights in your living room and generally making yourself a priority again it’s hard to share what you are going through. yes i still hope to be an exception, and if he left, although wow it’s taken 2 years longer than we agreed, then great, but, at the same time, i’m not waiting around anymore to find out! he very angrily told me his life was going great and that he had met his “soulmate” last december, and they are getting married next year. so then i start thinking of him, the good things about him and then have to come back here and remind myself that he never cared for me. i cracked open the champagne that’s been in my cupboard for months, and toasted some not very nice things. he wrote something profoundly beautiful acknowledging that somethings have a short lifespan, like the luna butterfly, but in their life we can see beauty, courage and strength., you feel like you have had enough, like you deserve better than what he is giving you, and you actually feel strong enogh to let go of him for your own sake. i should have seen the red flag when he said he rarely talks to his parents and sees them maybe once a year. you want to think it is, but learning from others helped tremendously. she has to hear this ex pull up outside her house 3 times a week to pick us his daughter, he refused to say goodbye claiming ‘i’d break down and i don’t want to cheat on my new woman’ – very rich coming from him as he forgot to end it with my friend before he decided to start with this other woman! happy birthday, to you and this is the year to give yourself the greatest gift of all … yourself!. he ‘taking me’ when he is available and when convenient to him. day i was having a good day and at some point, it seemed like i didn’t want to not think of him constantly. you’ll feel light and happy after ending the affair, and you’ll see the married man in a different light. weeks ago he came by and told me they had a fight and she moved out with the baby. he was one of my best friends for a few months and it’s killing me not to chat. good luck to you and please do not ever stop educating yourself. my makeup and fingernail polish were the next to go. come back to me but he wont reply, i wanted him back desperately. ultimately, when the time finally came to put up or shut up, he ran away like a little boy who’s mommy just pissed him off.. i was not aware just how involved and how much you could emotionally attach yourself to someone online. i felt bad meeting his parents because i felt like i had disrespected his family. do a little digging to find out if what he says is true. i am not going to wait aimlessly, set a timeframe for yourself and move out of this type of relationship. i did not know this until is over, that he was playing me…setting me up, plotting, preying on me. but now i can see that being a narcissist is who he is, and that will never change. we can understand each other through every piece of pain and sadness. is definately a narcissist, secondly he is using you but you can stop the pain and being miserable by changing your mind! wish the worse on mine…i hope he dies a slow painful death…ill be so relieved the day i hear he’s dying of cancer…. it has been a very hard time for me, but i keep myself busy with friends, work, and hobbies that i enjoy. if you have such problem or similar to this, please contact him on his email. it’s heart breaking and really hard to do and bad timing but there’s no right time to do this. my lover had a single blue condom and then a new pack. i’ve been so distracted, couldn’t focus on on my work also people around me. i have been in a 3 yrs relationship with a mm and he happens to be my officemate. after the first 3-4 weeks, i started by getting rid of (meaning throwing them away with the dog crap) his toothbrush and hairbrush (i kept the hairspray :), a week or so later i got rid of all his t-shirts and pajama bottoms. kay experienced the freedom of breaking it off with the married man – and the grief of letting go – she encourages other women to leave an affair relationship. dating a mm is just so frustrating and exciting at the same time right? in the morning, he kissed me, and it was the most intense, passionate kiss i’ve ever felt in my life. i just sit back and wait and let everything fall into place…i have the last words. if he does, it will only get worse for you after he’s issued you the “golden period” again. i could see he was online again and again (i’m the only person he speaks to on the app). yes, you did block him, but you needed to and he’s definitely not leaving you alone out of respect for what you want. most of us have all gone back to them, i can guarantee that..the me that cares about people, that is sweet and nice and funny. i can’t stand the fact that he actually will live without me. my question is it possible that he could still fall in love with me, or is this just a bad situation that i should get out of. you will be proud of yourself that you had the courage and dignity to stop dating a married man, and you will find someone who treats you like gold. although it can be overwhelming at times, it has been so worth it for me to read his blog and articles. i could never look for this man in no one else because he is unique. and thank you for your advice and i feel lucky to have found a place to share my secret….. you need to think at least we can walk away from this, their wives and gfs are lying next to them night after night not knowing what a disgusting cheating lying narc they have in their bed, and worse as children are involved, one day things will crack, and i feel very sorry for them as we’re set free, they aren’t. he had three kids, and had to go through the divorce process. story, were were friends he went to kiss me i turned away but we stayed friends and eventually sleeping together. i hope to get over this initial painful period soon. i was completely devastated, making myself literally sick, before i was led (by my god) to the blog “knowing the narcissist”. i keep writing here how much i miss him and the time we had, sometimes pretending i was writing to him, except that i’m not and he’ll never know how i still love him. if he kick a fuss on it, means he is just flirting with you. also, don’t believe a word he says about his wife because another great tool for a narcissist is lies, lies, lies.'t get involved with your boyfriend's children until after the divorce is finalized. i am wrong i know, but loving him is the only mistake i did. he said his 10 year marriage was good and had no major problems with his wife. try to be honest with yourself, i know it is hard, but 5 years and no decision ? we were talking marriage down the road eventually and i told him that i didn’t even know how he lived. hope and pray you make the decision that is right for you. he has shown no compassion for me and what i’ve gone through in the past or now. there are many other short blogs by this author and it would do you a world of good to educate yourself on what you’re truly dealing with. he wants you to release his stress and by that u know what i mean..he wrote that if i ever came back to reality he might still be here for me and that he is too stressed with life right now. you’ll need to grieve the end of the affair, but you will be healthier and happier in the long run. nothing mattered to me and nothing existed but this abyss of pure misery that i inhabited for the last few weeks. he has been with his wife for 25 years and is not ready to change his life this late in the game. my heart hurts all of the time and its to the point that when i tell myself tomorrow is a new day and you won’t feel this way. the latest was in 2013 but still it can’t say anything if there is no latest photos. feel sad too and some days it takes everything i have to put one foot in front of the other. that after this tremor and delusion we all are stronger people than before..you seem so weak and i have been there severely, get a life without this married man, wean yourself off him gradually meet people for lunch and other activities and gradually stop explaining yourself! we do exchange email to make each other feel better, and ive known some of the brave ladies here and we are going through the hardship together. and if i couldn’t make it, he’d flip! i’ve never been in this situation in my life and vow i never will again. and i have moments in which i really feel that i will be ok.’m finally getting tired now because things have changed and the “i love you’s” has stopped. we never slept with each other, it was just an emotional relationship, with hand holding and we finally kissed when we said goodbye. this guy is 17 years the am junior- how incredibly sad & immature does that make the am seem? he was different before but he start flirting with another girls in front of me and talking about sextual stuff with them and it made me jealous and he knew that and even fought with me about several times. a feeling of being out of control and i need to turn it around. please move on, this mm is not worth your time and energy. need to reiterate he is not your friend…friends don’t drop each other physically then ask for emotional support, friends don’t keep you a secret! pain, which by the way, is because you’re giving your soul to the devil. we are so compatible that way and we both enjoy the same activities. he just told me that he found out today that he will be going home (he’s from out of state) and when he returns after 20 days he will be staying elsewhere, i couldn’t believe how much this hurt me, i found out about his being married a week ago and thought i had just accepted that he was a no-go but figured that i would leave him on my own timeline, this sucks! my anxiety will kick in tommorow thats when he goes back to work. i know he is only having this affair with me only because his wife is not in town. he has told me that he hasn’t felt this horrible since he lost his mother 15 years ago. sometimes i wish, if he were a jerk, it’d be easier for me to get over it, but he wasn’t. this man has made me cut all contact with my husband( my husband left me, but soon after realized all his mistakes and was trying evergthing to come back to me), he made me put my life on hold for him, has kept me bound indoors…. i hate myself for going back to him after he had broken up with me. i just can’t believe it’s come to this, kept telling him i was a fool the past 6 months and he said ion his eyes i wasn’t but that’s because there are lots of words coming out of his mouth, no action, and after giving him the time he needed to sort the business out there are no results. i hate it that when he goes for business trips he had to wear his wedding ring and that he keeps photos of his family in his wallet. i was just thinking now that i should be happy, because i can still meet someone good for me with who i will be happy and that i will make happy, whereas him and his wife have decided to stay stuck in unhappiness and faking happy times. we’d talked every day and up until this point we had never actually met. i would end up spending years of my life with a man who in reality is never going to leave. reading your words are a great reminder for me on days when “he” is in my head way too much. he is not here, he chose to be with me. my friends that know belittle my feelings and act like they are not real so i feel i have no one to talk to. it can be very helpful to the one who is going through a divorce or mourning the loss of a loved one. he was having performance problems with her so i barely got it 1x/week for fear if she might want some he’d have to do it. i and my “family time” with our son, is always on the back burner. before he went back things were incredible i fell so hard and fast in love with him i put his situation right to the back of my mind. though i have never expected, but we share the bed, we did not have intercourse as his dialogue was until and unless we get married we should not have that.. i’m not a stupid person, far from it really actually very intelligent and i actually find he is kind of dumb in many ways and he would not be the type of man i would ever usually go or fall for. one thing i’ve learned is that no one wins in these scenarios. would you have stayed the other woman for the rest of your life, not having any real life of your own, while he would have ? never felt a connection to those other guys and i know better i’m 47 years old. i had never had the courage to block him from my phone, and the thought made me too sad and too upset to even contemplate seriously. he has an image to maintain, so rather than grow a set and end it with his wife, he shamefully uses his kids as a reason to stay, even though he regaled me with stories of screaming at her in front of them (like, several times a week, and we only saw each other for about 25 days) which of course will make them well adjusted as they grow up (to hate their dad). and it’s not until you go back out into the big wide world you’ll see or believe this. but he doesn’t make me feel how my mm makes me feel mentally, emotionally and physically. i told him i am emotionally weak and i might text him in the future, pls do not respond to my text. be aware though, all of our situations are different and sometimes the married man will come begging you back (hoovering) immediately or like in most cases, they give you the silent treatment for however long they feel like it..If he is lying to his wife, how can you can be sure that he is being honest with you? it took me 7 attempts to leave my ex-mm before i had finally had enough and had the courage to leave. at some level, you know how much you’re contributing to the pain he’s causing his wife and family. for the first time in almost 3 years, i was having a normal friday evening, not one where i’m at home and the am is with his family…i had someone elses attention, and fully, no texts from the gf or worrying his dad will phone…. why is this so hard when we got so little from them? he is now telling me he will give me a baby as soon as i’m physically able to get pregnant again (if i terminate). only wait until i give birth so that i can sort this things out. it does not matter what i'm reading about…so many traits and stories are him, and what he has done and said to me and his gf (we are both played) and now i reckon the poor ex wife…no wonder she's a little crackers, i feel sometimes i may join her! honestly, i have stopped loving him, i have mostly hate for him now, for the way he treated and the way i still feel half dead because of him. he went to middle east on our 1st and 2nd year although we are apart we use all sorts of social networking sights to talk until eventually he came back. we had a lot of good conversation and had gotten into a discussion on ethics. getting hurt and giving love to someone who makes us miserable is not being kind and is definitely pain inflicting..would a nutcracker help around certain part of his body? but i still dream about him and cry over him whilst he’s most likely not even thinking about me at all. i quitted that job on december last year and he too quitted a month later. have just accidentally happened upon this website and am amazed at the number of stories so similar to mine. the only thing he has done is forced him to tell his wife and the police he been cheating throughout the marriage.!I read your stories of seeing your married man and wife on fb…ouch…. it is insidious and addictive… you become obsessive and your self esteem takes a tumble. in my case damn near 5 years, in his wife’s case, 18 years or so. i have tried and tried to stop the contact as it is only ever online but once i stop he seems to reel me back in again and i just feel like we are going around and around and around in circles here, with the same conversations of him saying i cant not contact you what do you expect me to do? we both mesaage him and called, he didn’t response. i love this man and i know he loves me. is not accepting his misdeed to me but he has accepted it partially to my bff and apologized for the same. and he is all happy apparently from what colleagues are saying. he said ‘and you still say you won’t move down my way and in with me which blah blah blah and i have a network down there and family blah blah’ – i said ‘there you go again, we will talk about where we live after you have left your gf and we have established a solid and real relationship and you’re talking years down the line, stop talking about where i’m going to live as at the moment and it always has been a fantasy, your fantasy ‘ i said leave her before you even think you can push me into where i live! i can’t confide in anyone because people would be shocked and i think they would also be quite judgemental. i was doing so well had not seen him in 2 months but got slipped up last week and had a great night but since then i feel bad cause of course he got what he wanted and has stepped away from me again. is the first time i have ever been able to say how i really feel. what i try to focus on when i think about it, is not the happy moments, but the lies, to me and to her, the non caring when i was hurt but she couldnt be hurt “she was so fragile”. ladies why do we find these relationships so intoxicating and give so much of ourselves and our loyalty to a man that not only does not deserve it but also probably doesn’t have much concept of it! eventually i had an epiphany when we had plans and he had to cancel on all of them. i didn’t believe i could, i am taking baby steps, but i am regaining my self worth on this journey. you are strong and don’t let yourself succumb to the ex-am if he reaches out. i know it is hard, often we only feel we are someone in their eyes, and we forget the rest of the world. yr and a half ago, we met each other, going with no clue that at one moment in time, our eyes locked and the world stood still. when things are good they are magical but if any conflict arises he turns into a demon and goes all psychological warfare on me. you keep your married man as your contact, i can assure you that tomorrow, or in a week or two, even three, you will feel an irresistible urge to initiate contact, or worse, he contacts you first which will make it even harder for you to keep silent. call me a sneaky bitch, but this seems like fair play to me. the only women a man doesn't leave his wife for, are the ones. what i did till i knew how to live without my married man. his money is his money and i don’t want to rely on that for the rest of my life. i don’t like the idea that i can’t wear what he buys for me around her because she will get upset and say he is buying things for me (even though it’s true). and i don’t know maybe i feel sorry for her that she would have to put up with a man like that. but from that day ii had a huge crush on him and prayed to see him again. he isn’t even that great in bed and has ed but tries to please me by kissing me and pleasing me other ways. i honestly think that this could be enough for me. but then again, he wasn’t deserving of the fun, pleasure and love i could give him…but i know he will be happy reflecting back our moments that were just ours. i always knew he was married from the beginning, she was in a diferent country and he was alone you could say. if you had written in a few months ago and are still on the same roundabout, that’s a shame. on the other hand, i can’t help but think, if i truly was the love of his life like he claimed, wouldn’t me blocking him from my phone be the fire under him that made him sort out his life so he can be with me? whatever his reasons it seems people can bring their problems from past relationships and really have no idea what they are doing. you weren’t projecting yourself a few years into the future and seeing the shell of a person you would become due to the constant emotional abuse. “he told me how much he loved me, and thought we were meant to be together. prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to stop dating this married man, to stop being the other woman. that is as much as i want to forget everything and this pain to be gone, i’m also at the same time afraid that things to fade away. to each one of you, i sincerely want you to take care of you first and foremost because you absolutely deserve the very best in this life. seen him at the store started a conversation and we started talking daily after we exchanged numbers. please if you don’t feel so good during the time, talk to us, share your feelings and remember that you are not alone. are a few to be in the same process as what you wish to start. but, you have to remember that when you date married men, you will get hurt. he will never give me the love and attention that i deserve…i have decided to withdraw from him. we deserve more than crumbs and to know they go home to someone else. my married came over to visit on weekends or whatever time was available it was so wonderful feeling thst we belonged to each other. i was in the relationship i turned things around gradually by restraining myself,there was a time i allowed him to do all the calling and only related to him at my convenience,i was so in love with him i left my husband for him,i have two children and so you can imagine my devastation. there was nothing that he wouldn’t do for me and i never, ever felt like the other woman. of course it led to more and eventually us meeting up and sleeping together. im half dead, half alive and i cant think of any ways to move on.. it broke my heart, i have suspended it like i’ve done before and i’ve one more chance, but only have a few months…not enough time to find a partner! he recently sold his business teo weeks ago and has been pretty much withdrawn himself from me seeing as he lives around an hour away from the business so whats the point of him coming into my town?. my ex married man left his work like 2 yrs ago cause he didnt want to continue there and my dum quite the job too. because he knows me as friend first, and has seen me through the worst of days, i felt at ease…except i think i’m in love and always was–just suppressed.
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What Does the Bible Say About Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage?

the woman says she is not interested in sex anymore. that’s why he’s cheating on his wife, because he has nothing to give her either. i’ve wasted too much time losing myself for almost two years – i don’t even have interesting stories anymore because i’ve done nothing but hang my hat on this love. i tried everything but i am just so hurt all i do is feel depressed and miserable 24/7 and constantly cry over this asshole that do not even gives a sh*t about me. day, a friend of mine told me about this spell caster called great. does it heal you and do the pregnancy hormones help in the forgetting process. if you have been dating your boyfriend for a long period of time and he avoids a meeting between you and his family, he might be married.. i do have good willpower so i’m hoping it will get me out of this impossible situation. he is still in the whole relationship routine and i’m not sure how other women get to spend so many weekends with their married men but i guess all our circumstances are different.. i was strong again not to reply to those and deleted him from any social media etc. he reached out to me the next day and i told him my decision remains the same. he pushed me to apply where im working now and thank god i got the job. and how my eyes surreptitiously search for a glimmer of warmth in his. we also knew each other from work but now, each of us is working for a different company and he’s left me because his wife is pregnant. i am following your advice, and today was day one of the no contact rule. sometimes i just wish i could spend 24 hours at the gym so my brains dont wander anymore😂. when i had my daughter he came home and had his vasectomy redone. i do miss the daily talks and he hugged me everyday. breaking up is the hardest thing in the world and it takes a major event to realise that it’s all one big sham. i was feeling that i am being caught in one sided relationship, that i am only keen on being in the relation and he is not bothered about anything related to me. so much so that i actually love being by myself and i like who i am. i tell myself a thousand times that i don’t want to be the other woman. the truth is painful, but fight through it sister, knowing that you’re supported and loved! he go through texting and calling everyday to less and less and less. i simply ask for help and guidance on this unfamiliar quest. he text me from the pub…but he goes there as he likes the other guys and drinking…its nothing to do with escaping the gf as he has claimed for a few years as he doesn’t go until 10pm earliest and i know shes in bed when he goes for a pint or 5! of course this did what he wanted it to do, cause me to call him. has bound you to him through emotion and using his daughters. you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. the narcissist website, the bit about being in love with a married man, the 3 last sentences sum it up and are something like ‘my wife knows nothing about her, she thinks she knows all about my wife, neither of them know what i am’ – and that’s the core of it! tried many times but still end up being normal again to him. “they’re suppose to be chasing after me, crying and begging for me to love them again”. i’m writing because i’m also dating a married man for two years. whatever you decide, please don’t do it for the married man. why should i be stuck in at home waiting for him to call when he’s on holiday with his fiancée? i thought i was the exception and he was so enamored with me that he would whisk me off into the sunset. it won’t be easy at first, but you can take this entire experience and grow from it in a pretty powerful way. i am writing this hoping that it will be cathartic and i can move forward. what if his wife would have not discovered that a second time ? so when i read your words of heartache and pain, i knew i needed to tell you, go easy on yourself and absolutely cut all contact with him. in the beginning, in the affair fog and fantasy of it all, you felt elated and euphoric, like you were invincible and beautiful and this affair was the answer to your prayers. he can say he loves me and he hasn’t felt like this in many years. here is his response to you:Yes, most married men who maintain long term affairs are narcissists. now i’m pregnant and i don’t know what to do. he tells me he loves me so much, yet it is not possible for me to phone him as his wife is only in the next room. if i had my way we could have continued like this for the rest of our lives, we had reached a wonderful level of understanding and were so comfortable together. i won’t be taking revenge, as i dont wish to drop to his level, and as you said, its not worth it for a married man, there are plenty more single men in the sea, but im not going looking, as im going to have me time, lots of things i want to do, but always put off because of him, and thank you. was veey possessive in the beginning and that made me evel fall the more but soon you will realise it’s for his happiness and not yours. what i realized the really really hard way and with the back and forth spanning a good long year, is that it’s such a futile pursuit. i am married with a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids. even doe i knew this wasn’t going last ifelt in love wit him. i hope you tolerate your chemo and go into remission for your illness, that’s the most important thing to think of now. he would get away often, we would have coffee or just talk and holds hands. i was angry, upset, felt utterly dropped and rejected, forgotten…so i didn’t reply and thought ‘this’ll teach him, i won’t speak to him, he totally relies on my supports and understanding and needs me’. a man who can’t keep his word or promises when he married someone, he will never change and you will always stay the side chick you will never be more than that to him. we decided we were parting ways, but it’s really a huge adjustment after two years and a half of constant communication. he wants more and although he says he will try, all talk goes back to the sexual stuff. that’s the reason they can move on with staggering indifference while you are still reeling and unable to catch your breath. but if you say it, you have to stick to it otherwise you lose face. you need to let him go, and start healing from the pain of dating a married man. he is currently not staying with his wife and he daughter. i left home at 18 and was living on my own for a while and then he moved in because his wife pretty much kicked him out. he says now sober and healthy that it doesn’t matter what the test says she’s his little girl and always will be. and he always was, but it’s impossible to just be friends. then his wife found a message to me saying i love you! would suggest, in your case, starting with the second book because it’s filled with the reasons why you can’t get him out of your thoughts and heart. a year later married man resurfaces ( there was rare but occasional contact, openly during my marriage) and we decide to meet. she made a commitment to him, and he to her. can honestly not tell you enough that things get worse and not better, don’t let the situation get more complex when you’re also close to his wife. well one day out of the blue (i was doing well without him, i am the one who broke it off) he left a message on my vm that he was getting married. written in here on this site a good few months back now and have always kept up to date in with all you brave womens comments, now more than ever because i once again find myself back at square one. i stayed in my situation for nearly 5 years and i plead with you to start finding knowledge now so you don’t end up worse off than you are right now. i believe this is the only way she knows how to survive it’s the reason she won’t look most people in the eyes. the romance isnt there anymore either… i feel the last few months for sure i have wanted to protect myself and started to hold back a lot more… i thought this would make him try harder to sort the situation out… but i asked him outright last week when will he be with me, he doesnt know. i mean, i did a bad thing by knowingly getting involved with a married man in the first place. for no reason he stopped talking to me and he knew it’s hurting me. it is similar to the battered wife syndrome really- we feel pushed down, sometimes emotionally abused, but there is the honeymoon phase when we see them again, and so it repeats the cycle. i got divorced recently and i knew this guy through my professional network. you can still have the world, and you owe it to yourself to go after it. may you be infused with a sense of self-love and self-esteem, and may you gain insight into your relationship choices. yet i felt bad for telling him he disappointed me this morning when he asked how i was. unless they come home to us every night and we are the only woman in their life, we are not their priority. he told me he was leaving her and it was over. he would fight with her and come over to me – she would follow. all he ever wanted to talk about was how much we loved each other and he tried so hard to keep me focused on the golden (love bombing) period, again. if this is your final decision, then there are a few things that you must be prepared for. don’t tell me there is nobody else, because i know it’s not true! he was very good at making everyone believe he was an honest, moral and decent man. dated a married guy for 9years…with him promising me marriage etc. until recently, his wife got pregnant – their first child which i believe made him super happy but he was sad telling me the news. month isn’t really that long, you sound like you’re getting stronger already. you will go through hell after break up but definitely worth saving your life and time from this affair! i am madly in love with him and i can’t understand why. think the wife’s radar goes off and she realizes this may not just be a sex thing, he might actually have feelings for the sideline that kept him busy for awhile. wishing you all the best and you will make it…. i have tried to break it off several times and each time i fail..moved my world upside down with all these promises…caused heartache with my kids…cos they felt he was just stringing me along…. one day the married man meets someone (you, us) that jump starts his whole life again! he is cheating on his wife and he is cheating on you. need to get your butt looking flyy taking dope, sexy pics, and start “feeling” yourself” (beyonce voice). i went to a workshop where i was one of the speakers and just talked about how to develop a career path in the communication field which is my job now.. i am amazed by the amount of women that are experiencing married men situations. but you will managed, you can’t believe it now but you will. time heals, just trust yourself, time and surround yourself with people who are going through the same path as you, i did and those women are the best thing which happen to me in a long time. i wish i was better behaved and maybe he would still be with me. you haven’t already say what you need to say to him then delete his contact information, block his phone number, block his email address. you thought your affair with this man wouldn’t turn out this way. but cant bring myself to say go forever we were good friends long before any of this started. it feels like death how this man is hurting me. i hope i get out of it and stay strong. so after his curt responses, i sent him a long text finally telling him how he constantly breaks my heart with his behaviour and basically just ending it. i just saw your story above and it seems we’ve been through similar. he says when i was ready to go further with us he wasn’t and when he was i already married. because i was back in fantasy land of his and not speaking about his daughters and real home life. (i’m from the boogie down bronx, and boy did it show! yes maybe i’m thinking ‘ah he screws up precious years of my life i will do the same’- but she’s none the wiser whatever rubbish he has fed me! married men develop a staggering degree of detachment to you and your pain, and they do not budge from their comfort zone to give you even a smidgeon of relief. honestly, koala, the best thing i ever did was to not contact him back. me – the big picture is that i allowed it to happen as much as he pushed it to happen. been together for 23 years but married 17 years…we live in the same building…half of my neighbor knows he cheats for years…why she stay is the million question. then he came and i forgot everything, the whole world was spinning…but you cannot understand unless you go through something like that. when people talk about our married men as a drug, it’s the truth..and i am sure all of us before we met them, we were happy human beings with life in front of us being enthusiastic about many things. if the two of you are truly soul mates, then why not wait until the marriage is truly and officially over? however on valentine day i ended it too as i did not want to celebrate the day as if all was well and the next day call it quit . i know that he is my center and not a man especially a married one who lies to me. then my vulnerability shows up again and i think is he really? catherine and caila,I just hope both of you are doing good and no contact is still being implemented.. unfortunately im no one to express myself so i didnt mention to him that i knew about his marriage. i have tried numerous times but i am hopefully that through changing my focus from him to me i can change this dynamic and find me again. i had my daughter, my husband has always suspected she was not biologically his but loves her as his own.. we have got to realise any man that can constantly do this to their partners for a year, 3 years, 5 years and so on are pretty screwed up and we are not immune to their sh*tty behavior…. i’ve been waiting since i was a young girl for someone to show up and do right by me as my parents basically gave me lots of things. i know his world is turned upside down and all i can do is go on, leave him alone and go forward. there are many other short blogs by this author and it would do you a world of good to educate yourself on what you’re truly dealing with. shake off the past, let go, and move forward in freedom and peace! i’m now 38 and time is running out, but i’d rather be with no children then have 1, secretly, with someone so messed up, that’s not a life for anyone. for you, and still wanting children, you have to think of your future, and you have to go into it, think of yourself first. i needed him in my life because i am full of love and caring and needed someone to give that too and the passion. he didn’t care about the marriage, he cared about their child, his grown children and grandchildren. please do me a favor and read the “knowing the narcissist” blog by hg tudor. it feels so weird to share so much with someone and then look at them passing in the hallway like a stranger. i hate it that if he writes me my hearts beat and i feel like a little girl. reading this describes the exact situation that i’m in right now. you have to let yourself grieve the loss of the relationship, and possibly the loss of losing the person who you thought he was. but the reason i fell in love with him is going to be the reason we wont be together. it’s a good idea to highlight areas that mean something to you, then go back and re-read it on your hard days because you will have those days. we had a great night together then the next day he found out and told me. you know it is inevitable that the longer you are in this affair, the more you are setting yourself up for destruction. is checking his phone again and again (i've got an old phone i check to see when he was last online…it satisfies me for now! i sense a distance, his words seem to lack any emotion, and he has avoided conversation about his wife. needless to say, i was disgusted, shocked and extremely hurt and felt used to boot..make this process as natural as i can possible…which will give me enough time to re-establish a new set of principles. fell for it and 20 years later here i am heartbroken…low self esteem. i only hope i can recover from this and forget him! if you abuse someone (and that means cheat on them, hit them, not talk to them, erode their self esteem and so many other different ways) and it happens once, maybe twice, it could be written off as an aberration caused by drinking, stress, medication or fatigue., i am not here to discourage anyone from dating someone who may need a transition person, is going through a divorce, or suffering the loss of a loved one. and for a week i’d ask him every day if he booked it yet and every time he replied – no. have gone back on my word , all the comments i have made, my married man has been in contact with me, he asked me if i would let him stay with me for the night, as his wife is away for a few, days, and haven’t had the chance to do this very often in the 5 years, so stupidity, i said yes, we arranged that he would come when she had rung him , which would have been about 11. he very rarely has sex with her and i know he’s not lying because i heard it from her mouth that he slept with her only thrice in the month of january. i know that this should be the end but i can not seem to stop thinking about him, his promise to never leave me, his promise to never go anywhere all of those times that he said he loved me so deeply that it would actually make him cry and this is not a man who takes his feelings lightly. believe me, there were days (i counted over 2 weeks in total) in the past year, that i was so distraught and literally did not get out of bed, other than to use the washroom. i don’t want him to know that i’m craving for him, that i’m missing him , because what’s the point of loving someone who doesn’t love you back? i forwarned him that i would give him until the end of march and if nothing happened by then, i needed to do what was best for me. we are not feeding them the ego boosts they need, they don’t like rejection themselves, and really they don’t think as much as we do! i finally had to accept the fact he was not going to leave his wife and that i could easily wake up in another 3 years still in this sad excuse of a relationship and still waiting. thank god i found this web site… it’s been so helpful, no questions, no judgments…. i waited, i expected to hear his car at any minute (he used to arrive upset in the middle of the night). i have never heard from someone who swear i was his soulmate, though i am like dead to him i guess and he must be playing happy husband with his wife, while i still have some hard days and feel empty. only reason why i’m unable to just hate my mm is that he’s always been protective of my situation, he’s constantly told me that i have a responsibility to my family and my daughter and that we shouldn’t cross any lines where we are betraying them (i. said i deserve to be number 1 and him and his wife must part amicably. right before christmas he started acting weird, the holidays were understandably hard on him. atleast it was all before she was in his life. he married his wife because she was from a rich family, same religion, state, everything. want to tell him how much i hate him and why, to release my anger but if i do that surely we will engage in another dialogue and i will be wrapped up in him again? and he slept with her on his birthday (january 31st). i finally told him i had enough and ended it. i am really confused and i dont know what to think. if he tells you he doesn’t want you to let him go or he never wants to let you go because “you’re the love of his life”, what he’s really saying is, “i’m afraid of losing control of you and i’m afraid you’re going to expose me”. i feel free and just like you said…he will continue to be unhappy. we’ve been together for 5 years and we have two beautiful kids together. i am now in the process of getting a license for work that will double my pay and let me be the extrovert that i am. it’s actually very sad and it’s probably the one thing that hurts me the most to this day – the fact that he used me to devalue her, and in my case, every day because we worked together. he calls me when he is going by the store and brings me things. your strength back gradually till you can walk away one day…i think breaking up abruptly is bad ,especially when he is the only one you do everything with ! he was in a relationship and lived right opposite her, 2 kids, 1 was the gf’s child and other his with her. it’s a book for helping “us” (super empaths), not one for helping us to stay focused on the narcissist(s) in our lives. i have 2 beautiful daughters, the best of friends and an amazing family. hugs to you and hugs to all of you brave ladies., next time you’re about to write or send something to him, come on here and we’ll talk you out of it. i met him online, and instantly formed an emotional attachment as i was about 9 months after splitting with my husband, in a major depression and drinking issues. there is no way to rush the process, that’s one of the most important things i learnt since the break up. while she insisted she was not married indeed she was via common law. he has made it so difficult for me to even go to work and be around him. we women often want more when we are attached to someone and this is not possible. feel more sad and depress than happiness in this affair, i need to start respecting and loving myself. isn’t it absolutely ludicrous that they have this kind of control over us? he is finalizing his divorce, then he may actually be serious about leaving his wife. he will never have the heart to turn his back on his family. working with an ex is the pits, but it is possible to conduct yourself with dignity and do only limited contact required in your line of work. i have taken my husband for granted and i am finally realizing that. that said, i’m going to post this link:And hopefully it will bring insight to many of you looking for help and/or wondering why. becoming the narcissist’s nightmare: how to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself (kindle locations 550-563). i said don’t be surprised when he serves you w divorce papers. we think they are princes, and maybe they do treat us like princesses when we are together, but they are also actors, and deceivers too, and let’s face it, absence makes the heart grow fonder, a relationship that has periodic visits will have much more spark and passion in it than the ones with the day to day repetition of living together, paying bills, doing laundry, food shopping and living with the total package. however, we lived in a fantasy land and he is unwilling to cross over to the real world. he told me i should have to talk to him if he is not mad at all. cut all ties, and start healing your heart and life so you can move on. you for sharing your stories about being involved with a married man. as much as i’m baffled with my attached man (i’m ‘forever waiting’, please excuse my spelling and general errors, its so hard to type on a mobile! i realize now that i am not the only one who deserves better in this situation, so does she! guess we never expect to be in a sticky situation like this one. morning, liz, sharon, foreverwaiting, anna,You cannot imagine how this bloh has been helping me since i have come accross it. yes, he works loads, but, he find a few hours for football matches during the season and i’m sorry but nothing is stopping him see his friends maybe every other saturday evening for a few hours (he manages the local pub for a few hours many times a week, he claims his escape and so he talks to people as he doesn’t talk to his gf he has a child with and works with 10 hours a day (! had to stay separate and then again we reunited and start staying together. it is easier to string us along, placate us with gifts or promises than to have those hard conversations at home about why they are unhappy or unfulfilled. i’m thankful for your post because i accidentally stumbled on it on me i know it was an accidental it was by god’s grace i know i need to stop and i’m going to please pray for me if you can i don’t want to do this anymore. i am no longer that happy, vivacious and innocent young woman he met. i have been single for a while and not felt this way to a point i thought it would not happen again.) we are both starstruck, but i’m the first other woman he’s been with in 17 years. as much as i love the mm and as much as i want to believe him, i can’t stand that he wants me to do this. a part of me is still hurt, i still wish he would say, “i know i love you and i want to be with you”. stay strong and stop engaging with him, it will serve no purpose. the silent treatment on emails a trick of narcissistic married man? he doesn’t call as much, doesn’t text as much, and i am pretty positive that he is moving on to his next experience, and will eventually leave altogether. in less than two days and i believed, and after he has finished. i made it clear that i wouldn't even consider friendship (because the temptation is too great) until two years after a divorce was finalized, and he felt his kids were ready to see him dating. so in essence, we are giving them a ‘get out of jail free’ card and just reeling back and trying to nurse our own broken hearts. what i did do was try to offer a different perspective as to why these women are in abusive relationships (whether they want to believe it or not) and why it’s so damn difficult and painful to break free. he also couldn’t sign up for marriage so soon after his wife had betrayed him and he spent years in litigation. go to dubai but find some extra money to spent the time at yoga retreats, to destress and calm…or can you change your ticket to go elsewhere. down too scared to find love, go through the meeting process and build up all over again, but i went for it. on the one hand, as crazy as it sounds, a part of me was glad to know that he still thinks of me. he lived with me for over two years but now his work is far again – from me and from his family. “you really don’t love me like i love you” and then he’d threaten to leave “you have others” meaning family, my kids, my friends. you will miss him and long for him; you will want to know what he is doing and how he is. but i realize i need and deserve so much more! all she cares about is their house and the kids and what is everyone going to think. we can explain this to you using a thousand words, but unless you go through this yourself, you will never truly understand. the love you seem to feel is just a pleasure sensation i guess. well, this past weekend i overslept when i was supposed to be meeting with him at 4am. i wish i could tell every woman that is doing this to stop. i don’t know why i keep sleeping with a man who do not love me. now i’m physically in agony, mourning the future i so wanted with him, hating myself for loving someone else’s husband and wondering if i’ll ever get over this. go for a walk or do something you enjoy and know that you will survive because we are all survivors here. they are stuck with his sorry, pathetic, loser a$$ and if there is absolutely no trust and commitment. he wanted to ensure that his marriage was over and she moved back in for a “trial” two weeks. and then when i was spent chasing his ass, he would come back. you’re dating a married man, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak and pain. too, like all of you am involved with a married man. he said he is hurting everyone and it’s tearing him apart. there is a great spell caster called dr eku who can really solve your problem. the chances of this child ever living independently are very slim. when one had a happy marriage, they tend to want to be married again. i want to stop leading a double life with my husband and mm and just go back to a stable existence without such extreme highs and lows, which eventually add up to nothing. unless you are in a legitimate open marriage or open relationship, this type of behavior is destructive to you and all the people who aren’t even aware you are acting with malicious intent. anyone know of a good book based on dating someone who is in transition? anything is now a battle, but i appreciate when i win over sadness and feeling worthless. i deleted his phone number, unfriendly him in fb, but i miss him a lot. the problem was that we had the same group of friends and so after a few drinks, i would end up taking him home. i got a new jacket, and an ice cream (spent my valentines with my ice cream – and you know what? yesterday i had drinks with ex colleagues who were talking about him (he is like dead to me), hearing from him was like a knife in the chest. he has been married for 8 years but no children, every time he mentioned about his wife he was sad and always portrayed that there was nothing between them.) and i spent 4 months not even dating anyone, planning to make it six, when…wham! i’m sorry i go on and on about this. i think we are much more in this situation than we thought we would. i know i deserve more i just don’t know how to get to that point and just let go. you fell prey to this man because you were broken. on the other hand, it is probably the only thing that has let me let go of him. i know i will heal and get stronger in time, although i never stop thinking about him and i still love him. we were not together for 2 months and recently started seeing each other again. as long as they can get away with their wives and come back like nothing every happened, they will just move on and forget everything. you everybody for all your comments about the transition person, i didn’t know about this, i dated a girl that i thought was divorced for over a year, only to find out after a couple of months and falling in love with her that she was only away from ex for a few months, and her divorce wasn’t even final yet. your entire relationship was built on a series of lies and deceptions. in looking back, i understood that the two relationships prior to first meeting my married man in my twenties, both partners had betrayed me in our ‘committed’ relationships. but for today i cry and my heart breaks because i honestly love someone who can and never will love me the way i need. it truly is mind-blowing to finally discover why it is we’re all (on this site) attracted to these kind of men and what it all “really” means. i was dating a man for 5 months and only after breaking things off with him (something didn’t feel right) did i find out he was married. i too wish every day that i would have known 5 years ago what i know now. v, my live-in boyfriend just broke things off, saying he didn’t know if. tell the story that makes your heart song and nothing more! i tried to go no-contact but on christmas eve, i found myself missing my mm so much, and wondering why he didn’t miss me the same way., i’m not one who can tell you if your ex-mm is a narcissist or not, but at this point, does it really matter? he blocked me for no reason and i cant stop being upset and hurt. it’s who he is and it’s what he needs to do to exist. why do seemingly happily married cheat on their wives-im just going by pictures i see on fb….! i am new here and involved with a married man, but hopefully not longer. it hurts so bad because he made me feel beautiful and sexy, things i’ve never felt before with my husband. how to let of someone you love: 3 powerful secrets (and 75 tips! and because i want affection so much, i go back and i apologize for being off. trust me, trust us, the best thing you can do is walk away with pride and stop thinking about what he may or may not think. in fact, i dont wish to live with my mm or another man if i dont have to. he would call me on his way to work and on his way home and we wound talk for 6 or 7 minutes. you deserve someone to give you their entire heart, not just little happy moments here and there. you need to go no contact now because this man will destroy your life and steal your soul. if you are already feeling the distance between you, take your courage and break up with him yourself, before he breaks up with you. you think your situation is unique and that he’s different than other married men, but they’re not. so many of us pass years in this fog, getting more and more involved until it just tips us over the edge. i am missing out on the joy of everyday life. have not been told that they’re going to leave their wife and we’re going to live happily ever after. this past weekend i finally admitted me true feelings to him, which he told me i have always been just a friend and that he has casual feelings for me, but doesn’t like it when i’m sad. leaving my married man was tough (we were supposed to meet in dubai, i never took the flight, we never spoke again and he was due to pay half my ticket but never did, and i don’t even have much money and got screwed) i guess now he is all happy with his wife and kid, and what can i do. married man contacted me today after days of silence, saying how much he misses me and doesnt know what to do. i keep thinking “what if he changes his mind and can’t get in touch with me”.’ve only just joined facebook again, but if we could all chat somewhere else but keep visiting this site to help others then we’d support everyone and heal ourselves.’m at a loss as to where to start here, i’ve been reading this thread for a few days now and it has given me some comfort. the love is real in most cases, i am sure, otherwise they would not keep coming back for more. i made a decision and i’m moving away out of the city for some time n not contact him ever again.’t accept his phone calls, text messages, facebook popups, emails, facetime prompts, tweets, blog comments, or notes at work. i’ve stayed out of contact for a full 2 weeks and i start to feel like i can do it because i’m doing it.. we spoke and he cleared a few misunderstandings about work and then he started getting all romantic, after the sex he just upped and was ready to leave without even satisfying any of my needs. the following few days he called me and said he’s sorry of his lied and he wanted to divorce his wife but many reasons that he can’t and his wife did not want to. and yes, we’re due an appointment to sort out a date soon to attempt ivf. they don’t leave…and you get to a point where you just can’t handle it anymore, and in fact, it almost sends you crazy. we would meet in different states and have amazing sex and time together but i always cried because i wanted more. you can see where i mentioned his dream to live in the mountains, for the 4 year’s we had this going he lot feeling me we’d move to a cabin in montana and live a simple life. i know this freedom hurts worse than anything else you’ve ever experienced right now. my daughter wants to know if her dad is her dad, in my heart i do as well yet know that once it’s done it can never be undone. my mm said that he will prove to me that we are not like the statistics. i was his friend and coworker, and was even happily dating. without this site i’d have caved in, especially when i am pretty much going through hell at the moment with work and finance (my ex-am used to help towards the rent and i only got this flat because he could stay here 2 days a week and pay 3rd of the rent which was the agreement)…. he claims for the past few months he’s been staying at his moms to start the divorce process but, i knew that wasn’t the case. i took a lot of courage to go into this relationship but end up hurting myself. and was very hesitant about it but i did it anyway. i felt terrible, but i justified how i felt by believing that he felt the same thing for me and because it was mutual, somehow that made it okay. so, with that thought in mind, i’m actually (in a strange sort of way) thankful i went through my experience because it’s ultimately made me so much more aware of who i am, why i was targeted in the first place and how to protect myself for the rest of my life. it’s funny that although i have never met you, i am grateful for having had you in the last little while 🙂 sometimes just having someone understand what you’re going through is therapeutic. i have been in a 3 yrs relationship with a mm and he happens to be my officemate. and if something did stand in the way of him being with you, he would let you go if he truly loved you because he would realize that you deserve more — and he would want what is best for you! last week, i voiced my feelings for him and how much it is going to hurt to lose him in a very emotional talk, in which he said he felt a lot of love and care for me too. i don’t understand if the last 2 years mean anything to him? met a man he says he was over his ex when i met him he told me about his daughter and grandkids,i did not here that there we’re a baby mother,the daughter is in her 20’s i ,m thinking why is he still hanging on to this woman it dawn on me that he is in love with thus woman he claims she hurt him to his soul ,but i,m thinking that all this he said was a lie ,he led me on and it does hurt ,this man begged be to be with him ,i trusted him ,who does that , he said he did nothing wrong but he did ,i,m just going to go on with my life and listen more carefully next time ……thanks.’ve never felt more connected to a man then i do with him. i think for me it was that he made me angry so it was easier to end but anger fades and nostalgia starts to creep in. i don’t think it’s unusual that you’ve endured many arguments and silences. they just get trapped in a situation where reality sets in and they don’t know how to get out and actually be with us. we barely talked, we facetimed a little, we were both at work, me office and him from home. i can’t give you advice about breaking up with a man who is married, but it might help you to write about  your experience. he may have done something, maybe broke a promise, or said something hurtful, or simply neglected you or your feelings. how many of us grew up with strong morals, faith, happiness, and are also the last people in the world anyone would ever suspect would be in this situation? through as many as you can and make note of the narcissist website sharon has mentioned, seems you’re already dealing with one! i was going through some hard time like you, and he was there. we worked very closely together and he was immediately drawn to me. told my married man before that i knew he didn’t love me – mainly to see how he would react or say – he said well the sex is the best that i’ve ever had and i ain’t stopping it now. i have t heard from him rest of day and im going nuts., we can sit and blame him all we want, but at the end of the day you have to take responsibility for your part of this. you, liz, i don’t fear that the ex-n in my life would hurt me physically, but he’s had such a tight grip on the emotional and psychological part of me and i’m afraid that anything he says is going to lure me right back in. at first, we shared same feeling and he made me so happy. i mean, you lured this guy away from someone else. just keep strong and make sure you keep him blocked. his last words were, he deserved what was ahead, he didnt know if she was going to leave him or not. forgave him and told him it was time to let go, as i was not prepared to continue. they have tried to have the baby for so long and he told me he wanted to tell me who he loves the most first. the first days are horrible, and then you will slowly and day by day learn to be yourself again. i’m 24, and he is more than 10 years older than me. if i acted bothered when they went out on family vacations or i’d see pictures of them in together and get upset, he’d always turn it around on me and i’d end up apologizing, promising never to complain again. i was totally wisked away by him i honestly thought he was my ‘one’. great point, highly overlooked by the married men and women around the globe who try to convince themselves and others that they are “almost divorced”.. not all guys do that,some do leave and some are happy in their life and will never look at any one else. i feel hurt and empty and used, like i wasted 8 months of my love and energy. no one should ever go through what we have lived and we need to love ourselves and free ourselves from those fake love prison cells. we fight a lot because we are both headstrong, and although we love each other, i would not spend my life with him, and he would not with me. i understand the questions you may ask yourself regarding to having a baby with your husband, i had the same. well it’s 2 years later and he’s still there. so with all this new information for you, it’s not so easy when you have a child w him, have a bond thats like nothing either of us have experienced, and a love so deep it feels like your being swallowed. he puts down my friends and family and makes me feel like he’s the only one who has brought anything good to my life and that i’m to be loyal to only him. this endless cycle of making up and breaking up is the most dreadful and soul destroying aspect of an affair with a married man. he promised we’d meet again but now who knows. he is not showering me with enough respect and attention., chasing and having sex with people you know are married or you are the married person in pursuit of the liaison the why is a huge question to ask yourself. i don’t know how deeply involved you are with this man, but keep in mind that the more time you stay with him, the harder it will be to let go. there is so much that doesn’t add up and although he worse 7 days a week he always has done as his job was only ever temporary and he has a huge mortgage and business bills to pay – he made out for almost 4 years he worked non stop to leave but he’s working non stop to pay his bills, he is a business man and he is working hard now for lack of salary not for me! i swear i was in a phase when i would stay at work until 9pm go home shower eat and go straight to bed to not have to think. i asked at the start of our friendship/relationship if he was ready to start a new relationship he promised he was and that he would not do so lightly. maybe you are suffering from a depression and anxiety so perhaps you should speak to your doctor. ladies please, if you hear nothing else at all, hear me when i say … he will not leave his life or his wife! i was not asking him to walk away from his daughter. breakup will hurt, but you will find true freedom and authenticity – and you will create a better life for yourself! i hurt when he doesn’t contact me like the first couple of months with phone calls and emails and phone messaging. advice to you now is to just keep on keeping on. but, i also know i need to heal which is why the second book will be helpful. i know you’re probably reading what others are saying and thinking, “our relationship is different”. you are strong, beautiful and you deserve respect and happiness, that is what we all deserve. girls (and guys) – if the am/mm treat us this badly before they have even left (if they ever do)…. years), my life was everything i had ever wished for, dreamt of and knew i deserved. i just found out from a friend of hers that right around the time she told me about taking a break that she had joined a dating site.. she begged me further so i decided to try this spell caster. i eventually got to the point and told him he needs to tell his wife or i will end up doing that. the married man who used to have his wife’s undivided attention might have to realize that he can no longer be the center of her universe and the relationship might become more of a struggle. must say that i blocked him, but sometimes i go back and unblock him to see when he last connected. however, you’ll never be able to explain their way of thinking and how they can be so cruel (after all, he didn’t choose you, and you’re not #1 in his life). i know now that i didn’t stand a chance. i am going to look back on this message hopefully down the road and say, ugh, i seriously dodged a bullet by not giving my life to him. i’m just suggesting that you understand their needs now may differ from their needs down the road. for your friend; it definitely sounds like she got hooked by a narc, and i am so sorry she’s in such a horrific place at this time. it was only when i came upon this site and gained inspiration from other women, that i began to realize that i could leave my situation. the truth is that his wife and family comes first, and he’s using other women on the side. he kept his response neutral but friendly, then i got angry at his lack of care and he threw it back at me. shared your story with hg tudor, the author of “knowing the narcissist”. he is with a cold, aloof wife, with no children together. but yes, most of these married men are thinking about you and are unhappy., i was in a similar situation so i guess i understand what you are going through. away i just knew i wouldn’t see him much) and was upset he told me to move on for a few months and to go and have fun (! the married guy i chose to get myself involved with was an old high school friend. he just withdraws, cuts me dead, ignores my calls and messages and this can go on for weeks to months.. then the circle is on until i feel fed up. but, what they want even more than our goodness, is our anger, our hatred and our nastiness because it’s the ultimate fuel for them. it’s certainly a subject that many of us can relate to. also, he is engaged, (wedding not planned yet as far as i know) will he go on to marry someone he has lied to and deceived? regardless of how interigllent and wordly i am, i stop talking to guys online last year (2. we recognize with our higher self that it’s a futile venture and doomed for failure, but the reptilian part of our brain just cannot let go of the attachment it has formed. i was kept in the dark until his buddy slipped up.. we’re back dating each other (secretly of course) for the past year now.’ve been on holiday away for weekends i met his father recently descretion isn’t part of this affair, we don’t hide he says he isn’t bothered if we are seen and not bothered he’s on my facebook pics. piece of advice that i’d like to give you is something you have to do in your own time. i initiated this break up, so the decision is all on me. to be honest, i would have gone back to my ex-mm if i did not stumble upon this site. i became pregnant and we now have a 5 month old son. crying, feeling you could just die, that you are alone and can’t breathe. i have actually found comfort in that site though, because i see more and more how common our situation is. met my married man a few years ago, we clicked i knew he was married from the start, nothing was to happen until 4 years later. this time, i watched the 9 day mark come and go and in two weeks will be another major date and i’ll watch it come and go without contacting him! off i would like to thank laurie for this website and all the hard work that goes into it! as usual, he told me he didn’t want to hear from me and we went back and forth. looking back i realize how toxic it was to sit at home on holidays while he was with his family, and only see him when he was available. i know of many happily married couples that met shortly after one’s spouse had passed away. his wife forgives him for cheating on her and he’s back to her with the full heart, focusing on her and his expecting baby girl. it’s easy to say and do when you are young and don’t have baggage and financial ties that are totally intertwined with another person. literally seeing my mm gave me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. they will never leave the wife and the life, but will live selfishparallel lives until they die, and hurt more than one girl. but all this being said, he used to constantly tell me he loves me, and wish we were together, and ofcourse he was very happy that i was so emotionally available to him. i can’t tell you how relieving it is to finally have someone (you) who truly knows “exactly” what i’m going through still to this day (7 months after being discarded) and i just want to say thank you for being a good online friend. i heard it all in my relationship as well, and the truth is, most men never leave because they can’t handle leaving their comfort zones. my heart is so conflicted i know it need to stop talking to him but have not yet.. we first met when i was in my twenties, and had a long distance affair for a year or two. i mean, i used to think the sun shine out of his ass., we were messaging up to 11, then he stopped answering, and noticed he wasnt looking at my messages, and then noticed he had un installed the app, as i kept sending messages, i haven’t heard a word since, absolutely nothing, i even said just message me, to let me know what has happened, for peace of mind, but nothing, iv been strong with the no contact rule, but stupid me , went back on my word, i just cannot believe a man can do such a thing, in so hurt, and have spent most of the day crying, how cruel, can a person be, i feel he has just played me, for the fool that i am, my feelings at the minute is also anger, to tell his wife , as i have pictures etc, to prove everything, but whats the point its obvious, its his revenge, for me ending it in the first place, so now i can see what a weak narssic man he is, hasn’t got the guts to say sorry but iv changed my mind, well iv definitely made up my mind no more married men they are the pits, if i had stayed strong, i wouldn’t be having this hurt and humiliation, and the trouble is most of them get away with it. despite this, i still has to keep telling myself to stop loving this kind of mm. i don’t know why he did that until i saw his wife waiting for him outside the airport..since i gave him that condition and broke up he hasn’t said a word no reacted in anyway. he gets jealous if i even talk to another man at work but he can flirt and talk to any women he wants to and i shouldn’t comment. he left me like a dead version of me while i used to be so lively and happy. because we get so frustrated by the mm up and down behavior, their lies and blowing us off and all the other drama that goes down.. he used to talk with all of my friends and all of his friends and associates know me as well. i’ve only been with him a few months and he’s become so much a part of my life but he has small kids at home and i can’t be part of them losing their father. i don’t know what is wrong with me, but i have never been like this before, i have always been so in control of myself 🙁. then, when that relationship ended unexpectedly, i got a job working with my married man, and my vulnerability let it start all over again. for one reason or another, he is content with the status quo. but i still want that baby, as time is running out and like you however mad it is, i don’t want to lose my chance…not when i’m almost 40! my beautiful married man whom i still sadly love so much. however, i wouldn’t be where i am today without my many prayers to god being answered in little ways and i know one day with all the hard work i put into finally caring for myself, i will be given what i truly deserve in this life and that is a real true love all my own, even if it’s just from me to myself. i’m so upset and confused, please help me 🙁 i don’t understand why he came back and not even to talk just to say what he said then not reply again. because i’ve moved on from my married man once in life and was great then fell back years later when we worked together again. after marriage also, when he was staying with his wife, he had multiple affairs. honestly, i find it unbelievable how much resemblance there is, in every single story. i want so badly to trust him, but at the same time, i’ve read the statistics of love affairs never working out and i have a really big fear of being played for the biggest fool of all time..sometimes i asked myself why i allowed myself into this kind of situation. after 4 months i thought i had it all worked out and within one week, it went from emailing, flirting to full blown relapse and then off again. i am in the same boat i meet a man 18months ago at the time i didn’t know he was married has time went by he told me he is a carer for his wife and nothing more and now he’s doing slot more stuff with her and i need out but can’t do it i have no will power am getting very depressed x. these married men will continue to suffer in their marriages and even if they divorce, trust will always be an issue with them. well he seems to break up with me evry time i say lets just do it and leave for us and for ourselves and be free to see eachother. he said he was going to leave his wife, but he never did. one day he is talking about renting an apartment so we can have our own place together to now running scared. maybe he also get tired of me and it is ok for me. i fell in love with a colleague living in the netherlands. i can’t really share this with my friends, they once helped me to break up with him. we met when i was on a girls trip in hilton head sc and he was on a golf trip.’s to this site, i feel like i can finally move on with my life. i would not necessarily just focus on this new guy per se, but just on the fact that you are open to someone new in your life. and like you, for someone who claims they don’t sleep together, eat together, no connection any more and except business and kids there is little comms…i now find it very hard to believe! rather, they make empty promises and turn our world upside down and then let us down and hurt us. going through a similar situation…my question is…do these married men ever get caught? last night he said he was coming for work and we can hang out (thats what we call it). i now know how it feels to have a drug or drinking addiction, except mine is to him. the sadder part of that statement is that i’m not really asking for help, i just feel depressed and my heart is heavy. when we start making demands, the affair becomes yet another struggle they cannot cope with because that is the type of men they are. i had anxiety and left work when she messaged me today. don’t wait too long, your life is passing you by. actually i was foolish enough to send a card with a wish and got a big fat ignore for my efforts. for years i believed that we were different, even now i still feel that sometimes and think ‘he has to come back because what we had was so different’. have been nc with my married man since almost 2 months. i think this is when i realized that i am absolutely crazy to continue this..at least i know he is not who i thought he was. that is something i never would have been able to achieve before. thought i’d say hello and thank you all as ever for your wonderful comments on breaking up with a married man. he is not showering me with enough respect and attention. is what i needed to hear, i needed the advice that yes he is still thinking of me. in my case it’s funny i actually wish i never met him i wish i never gave him my time love patience and understanding. i knew him when i was 17 and he was 21 but nothing progressed into a relationship. you are in an abusive environment and need to get out immediately. there’s a really good ebook i’ve suggested called “exorcism, purging the narcissist from heart and soul. but it’s scarier to think about how living off the crumbs of your married man will destroy you.

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