Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life: Samhita
Dating While Feminist: An Interview with Samhita Mukhopadhyay
very much recommended for younger women and people just beginning to learn about feminism.) this is stuff i've ranted about for years, and it's precisely this widespread and infuriating sexist baggage that made me give up on dating straight people. while feminist: an interview with samhita mukhopadhyay by allison mccarthy via ms. i cannot believe how much i have been wanting this book and have needed to read this. i especially liked the way the author discussed self-esteem, how feminism benefits people of all genders, and her (brief) section on polyamory. and love are in a state of crisis: statistically speaking, young women today are living romantic lives of all kinds—but they’re still feeling bogged down by social, cultural, economic, and familial pressures to love in a certain way. overall, the book shines a light on the dilemma of dating while feminist, and i encourage all daters to read it, even if you don’t necessarily consider yourself a feminist, and even if you’re not as awful at dating as i am. also, if you are a feminist who is currently, has ever, or has plans to someday date - you need to read this book. this book contained nothing i haven't already heard and read in shorter articles.'s been a long time since i was in the dating pool, but as a budding psychologist interested in socio/cultural dimensions of behavior, i really enjoyed this book. it's got some facts and analysis, but it feels flimsy at times, more like a long-form blog article than a book.-internet-told-me-to,If you've been immersed in the feminist blogosphere for any length of time, nothing here is particularly revolutionary, and most of the first half felt very 101, but i enjoy the simple fact that this book exists. it is a comprehensive (and often humorous) analysis of modern gender roles and privilege that just happens to take place within the context of dating., that was the line i selected to share this post on fb (and saw your comment later). i don’t suffer from a throwing-in-the-towel mentality of sorts, where i’m willing to settle for any dude, just for the sake of filling one of my many supposed obligations as a woman–finally finding love. this would have been mind-blowing to me ten years ago. the book points out that it isn't that your boo is from mars or that feminism has ruined chivalry, it's that sexism sucks and feminism is the only chance we've got of pulling out of this dire situation.
Quote of the Day: Samhita Mukhopadhyay, from 'Outdated: Why
this book, one of the editors of feministing takes a look at dating, the dating book and magazine industry and some of our ideas about dating, romance etc, and how they are misogynistic and sexist. of antiquated ideas, did you read kate bolick’s “all the single ladies” piece in the november 2011 issue of the atlantic? is a crucial book for anyone interested in changing the way gender relations are playing out in 21st century america, and beyond." objectifies women and isn't that helpful in figuring out your thoughts on premarital sex. laverne & shirley, at the height of its viewership, was the most watched sitcom in the united states, surpassing happy days, which is shocking considering its often serious and feminist themes. this book can really only be used for "preaching to the choir" purposes, and not to try to convince anyone of anything they don't already know. this book made me feel like less of a freak of nature and reminded me that no, i am not a failure. most radical approach to love is not having an approach, but instead a solid recognition of exactly what you want for yourself. i'd still recommend it, though, but mostly to people who are new to feminism. he’s just not that into you is right in telling women that if a dude is giving you the run around, you should probably let him go. Allee said: I read this book in just a few hours. another is that the book is very american and things are a little different in canada, because we have gay marriage etc. i think it would have been really helpful to read earlier in my feminist journey when i was just getting into dating. in the way that hot & heavy critiques the dieting industry, samhita points out the incentive of the "romantic industrial complex" is to feed a fantasy machine that pushes people to pursue fairy tale myths at the expense of their financial stability and emotional well-being. isn't a dating guide for feminists as such, but a philosophy to change how we view the dating scene and romantic relationships in general. the majority of her critiques -- of pick-up artists, dating manuals, and familial pressures -- are important but not new. feminist take on various aspects of dating, love, sexuality, relationships by single 33-year old indian american woman.
She's just not that into dating -
It's Not Feminism That's Ruining Romance: A Fresh Spin on Dating
i felt the last chapter of the book was most helpful, as she covers several dating topics from the viewpoint of a feminist, and provides wonderful quotes fr. it would have been nice to see more of a discussion of same-sex marriage in the article, but i think the whole point was to challenge the dominant narrative we hear so much in society about how women can only be fulfilled when they’re married. feminism can help you decipher the difference between something you want and something that is expected of you, which is an invaluable exercise not just in dating, but in life. samhita encourages us to push ourselves and the people in our lives to love in ways that feel authentic to us and requests that we be brave enough to stand up and talk back to a "romantic industrial complex" that is broken and dangerous. asians and the internet: i am not your fetish | interactive 2010 | sxsw. i’m more of an impossibly-high-standards dater, one who stares at the dude in front of her, like, “you’re obviously not a progressive feminist with a clear understanding of the ramifications the media has on the self-esteem of women and young girls, and you haven’t listed one single female musician or a woman-driven film in your endless list of ‘favorite things’ … so why don’t you get out of my face. it makes it really approachable and explains that feminism means equality and fairness for us all, not just for women. we see women who are smaller in stature, more neurotic, confused, wishy-washy, and often dysfunctional. seems a cliche to say i found this book empowering, but i did. not that there's anything wrong with that--i love a good rant now and again, and i've been known to indulge in a decent amount of wallowing myself, but i expecting something more than the obvious. why hasn’t feminism been able to undo these damaging ideas? i felt the last chapter of the book was most helpful, as she covers several dating topics from the viewpoint of a feminist, and provides wonderful quotes from other women who are leading feminist writers/thinkers. are here: home / life / dating while feminist: an interview with samhita mukhopadhyaydating while feminist: an interview with samhita mukhopadhyay. sex and the city may have been fun and diverting but tended to focus disproportionately on well-to-do white heterosexual women;3. i picked this up because a friend recommended it to me, and honestly, a little because the author is bengali and i wanted to see what a feminist indian woman had to say about the dating world. book helped me to realize how much i operate out of gender norms when it comes to dating. back when there were actual bookstores, you always knew you'd hit "dating & romance" in the self-help section because that whole area would be a blob of pink and red covers (a gendered nod to the fact that, of course, only women would have any interest in this kind of thing).
Outdated The Book
Desi Feministing / An Interview with Samhita Mukhopadhyay on Vimeo
I was hoping it would be an enlightening feminist guide to dat. the majority of her critiques -- of pick-up artists, dating manuals, and familial pressures -- are important but not new. she continues: it is completely acceptable to say the most appalling things about the way people look when it comes to dating, and if someone is called out for it, their opinion becomes a matter of "preference. because it’s important to always keep an eye out for this bullshit. this book contained nothing i haven't already heard and read in shorter articles. these writers aren’t thinking enough about how the world is changing and how gender roles have shifted. people either loved this book or felt that they wanted more and it had already been said. 71) in hot & heavy numerous authors write about what it's like dating and having sex as a fat girl (including me, tasha fierce, rachel kacenjar, golda poretsky and kitty stryker). it would make a great gift for any single friend (male or female), but i also think that people in relationships can gain a lot from reading this book, or to help your mom/dad/grandmother understand more about why you aren't bringing over anyone for thanksgiving dinner, though you might have to slip out early to meet that anyone at the bar. there's always some scientist explaining sex-based neurological differences or some guru extrapolating on his beliefs that women and men are from different planets (or some ex-world of warcraft nerdlord who wears goggles giving you advice on how to score some poontang). autoplay is enabled, a suggested video will automatically play next. this is the takeaway lots of my friends have been following.’s not feminism that’s ruining romance: a fresh spin on dating by noelle de la paz via colorlines. the only language we have to describe our romantic relationships is either “couples” or “sad single people. after all, knowing it exists is the only way to fight against it! each bid post will be about a new book, and the ways i see the book dialoguing with themes in hot & heavy: fierce fat girls on life, love and fashion. i have nothing wrong with books that are essentially just for straight people, provided they don't claim to be otherwise.
Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life by Samhita
8 Things To Know About Dating A Feminist, Because If You Blame
i think these are mostly failures of proofreading, but i'd worry about giving this to someone who did not already agree with the ideas, because valid points are sometimes explained confusingly or in a way that allows for nitpicking.'lilo & stitch,' 'moana,' and disney’s representation of indigenous peoples. samhita talks about these theories, but quickly points out their limitations: gender binaries, heteronormativity, exclusion of non-monogamous love/dating styles, racist notions of what romance looks like, and the perpetual misogynist explanations that somehow always find women to blame for failed relationships, sex emergencies and dating faux pas. while her rhetoric is largely inclusive, there's little discussion of the effect these narratives have on queers that could not have been included as a footnote. feminist take on various aspects of dating, love, sexuality, relationships by single 33-year old indian american woman. of the day: samhita mukhopadhyay, from ‘outdated: why dating is ruining your love life’.’s just not that into dating by tracy clark-flory via salon. the way gender dynamics are played out in a relationship is important and it would be great to date someone who understands this. your for telling us about this so buying this book. and while the plotline shows they are often the ones in charge, their story lines are secondary to their goofy, irresponsible, “bro-ish” husbands. instead of issuing blanket statements about what is right or wrong, it questions certain behaviors and practices so that we can be critical of our own actions and really think about why it is we do the things that we do. it makes it really approachable and explains that feminism means equality and fairness for us all, not just for women. i finished feeling vindicated that being a single woman, by choice, is not weird, abnormal, nor wrong. just a moment while we sign you in to your goodreads account. think this is actually a good book to read even if one doesn't quite identify as a feminist and might be a little uncomfortable with the word. want to give this a much higher rating, but it is simply just too entry level. i mean completely celibate) who has never been on a date, been asked out (or asked anyone out for that matter), it's easy for most writers to dismiss me as a failure.
Team | Valenti Martin Media
tovar, ma is one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. i'm ignorant enough about feminist theory that this was more or less new to me while being tenacious enough to keep reading a wall of text. not that there's anything wrong with that--i love a good rant now and again, and i've been known to indulge in a decent amount of wallowing myself, but i expecting something more than the obvious. it was totally saying the same thing that samhita is, presenting an alternative to the fairy tale relationship samhita talks about.) this is stuff i've ranted about for years, and it's precisely this widespread and infuriating sexist baggage that made me give up on dating straight people. separate from a feminist view, i felt she covered several areas about how dating is approached in our culture, and the many ways the mainstream perspective can be damaging to those who view relationships in a less "traditional" way. in fact, it was like a recipe for how to have a totally fucked up, miserable - and yes, lonely - life. i often felt like she was saying that in order to be an "independent" feminist, you have to only want casual, non-monogamous relationships. picked up this book because i was intrigued by samhita mukhopadhyay's occupy v-day project and thought it would be interesting to hear a more thorough critique of "the romantic industrial complex" from her. i cannot believe how much i have been wanting this book and have needed to read this. that point brings me to the most personally frustrating element of mukhopadhyay's text: it is almost exclusively unpacking how these ideas affect straight women (or -- possibly -- women attracted to men). appreciated mukhopadyay's perspective and viewpoint on dating and relationships within our american society. "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? i'm ignorant enough about feminist theory that this was more or. also, the moderately thick grey line across the bottom of the page was wildly distracting. you can buy outdated: why dating is ruining your love life and hot & heavy: fierce fat girls on life, love and fashion on amazon. the book does a great feminist critique of the dating-advice market, but beyond that digs into masculinity issues and issues of sexual freedom and identity.
Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life Q&A - YouTube
What Was The Date? – The New Inquiry
and then [part of the romantic industrial complex is] the wedding industrial complex: bachelorette parties, destination weddings. young women in the modern world have greater flexibility than ever when it comes to who we choose to love and how we choose to love them; but while social circumstances may have changed since our parents’ generation, certain life expectations remain.!"here's the problem: this book has no audience, other than me. television has changed, but what has entered the public domain are new caricatures of femininity that play to our most regressive stereotypes of how single women should think, talk, and act. analyzes how different forms of media, cultural norms, family pressure, and even laws, are produced to scare women into believing that if they don’t devote themselves to finding a man, they’ll be doomed to a life of loneliness and shame. on the subject of fashion, samhita says that our style can be a "form of resistance" (p. this analysis has incredible similarities to the way that fat people are thought of and discussed. maxwell discusses george will shaming single mothers on the ed show. young women in the modern world have greater flexibility than ever when it comes to who we choose to love and how we choose to love t. found the book most helpful for me, however, in its discussion of finding the one. i wish mukhopadhyay had taken a page from the self-help books she criticizes (in style, not substance) and laid things out with eye-catching infographics, bullet points, how-to lists, meme-able soundbites, etc. how glad i am that you exist so that i have a place to record my positive, if mild, feelings about book content and my wild, vociferous negative feelings about book layout. "pick-up artist" guides and seminars teaching how to seduce women have a misogynist strain;2. mukhopadhyay’s outdated: why dating is ruining your love life. see what your friends thought of this book,To ask other readers questions about. is a reflection of our cultural norms at a given time, so it makes sense that during the ’60s and ’70s–a time of cultural revolution where the very definitions of family, sexuality, relationships, and femininity were being pushed–women were written as living comfortable, fun lives as single women who engaged in sex when they wanted it and often opted out of long-term relationships. preference is not really a "preference"; it is more like a culturally sanctioned fetish.
OUTDATED: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life - Virgie TovaR
Valentine's Day | Sepia Mutiny
that doesn't mean that none of this is worth saying or that her message of simply having confidence and using the essential premise of feminism are what will make you happy--hopefully women understand equality and self-worth, plus a kind and understanding man is what makes a relationship go round. it felt like a pep talk where i wanted more thoughtful analysis and constructive ideas on how to navigate a relationship and dating while feminist. separate from a feminist view, i felt she covered several areas about how dating is approached in our culture, and the many ways the mainstream perspective can be damaging to those who view relationships in a less "traditional" way." she wrote: "to you it might just be an outfit, but to me it's performance, care, support, resistance, survival, and it's fighting" (p. for an experienced feminist who is not straight, this text did not have any new concepts or revolutionary ideas; that said, for a middle-aged single femme, it was a very affirming read with a lot of great reminders, especially as i prepare for a move to a less progressive community.'glitter tribe' reminds us that burlesque is far more than just a peep show. i fell in love with the title immediately and as a fat woman of color who has been in the dating world for a little over a decade i was excited to see a fat-identified feminist of color's take on this very fraught issue. the romantic industrial complex is all of these things working in tandem. the book does a great feminist critique of the dating-advice market, but beyond that digs into masculinity issues and issues of sexual freedom and identity. wish that there were more books like this on the market. also points out that the portrayals of single women in film and television often make single ladies look like total losers, which is also difficult to not internalize (even for someone who spends most of her free time critiquing media representations of women).!"here's the problem: this book has no audience, other than me. but the focus is on whether he is “into you” or not, when it should be on whether or not he meets your needs.: books, dating, outdated: why dating is ruining your love life, quote of the day, quotes, relationships, samhita mukhopadhyay, stephanie rogers, the f word, women in film, women in media, women in televisionbookmark the permalink. book is a great read for anyone interested in feminism, pop culture criticism, gender and sexual politics, and social change. focuses on the sexist dating advice industry throughout the book, and she writes in the introduction that the book is about “conundrums and confusion; it’s about the contradicting messages we get from popular culture, feminism, our social circles, politics, and the romance industry. it's awful the way society stigmatizes, shames, and dismisses single women.
Dating sites for rock music lovers
Why feminists have better sex - The Globe and Mail
and i am really interested in the idea of being sustainable in the work that we do as feminists, activists and writers. while dating while feminist may be really freaking hard, outdated starts a conversation that everyone can engage in and reminds us that beyond who will pay the bill and when to give up the nookie -- harnessing the power of love is the key to changing this world for the better. what i talk about in my book is that we don’t have an alternative romantic story.. blog: what led you to write a book about dating? it's got some facts and analysis, but it feels flimsy at times, more like a long-form blog article than a book. for the small percentage of people who marry in their 20s and stay married into their 80s, marrying young is great.“it is hard to feel safe and comfortable when the only measures for what is safe and comfortable are normative ideas you don't abide by. i was hoping it would be an enlightening feminist guide to dating, but it was more of a debunking of the "romance industrial complex" and the myriad ways dating is socialized along gender roles. you've been immersed in the feminist blogosphere for any length of time, nothing here is particularly revolutionary, and most of the first half felt very 101, but i enjoy the simple fact that this book exists. otherwise, not a new perspective, and along the way it's not funny or otherwise highly engaging to read. if you're new to feminist works (or are one of those poor misguided souls who declare yourself "not a feminist"), give it a try; otherwise, don't waste your time as you've read all of this before. she encourages us to remember that the world we inherited is not flawless and the way we love and date and have sex can be an extremely powerful mode of change-inspiring resistance. i found this to be the most helpful and encouraging portion of the book. ms mukhopadhyay courageously (and sassily) takes on the dating industrial complex and asks some hard questions about the state of the game for young women. it may not help you land a date for saturday night, but it may make you rethink relationships and life in general. this has closed up any real possibilities for characterizations of single women as anything but failing at the dream of romance. like the way you described how media influence women today in managing dating.